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Seven years later and still hurting.


Jaycee

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Okay, seven years ago (i was 11) i lost my nan to cancer. I was really close to her, and when i found out that she had died my whole world fell apart... and even now seven years on i still feel lost without her and still feel like there is a huge hole in my heart that hasn't healed yet.

She was 66 when she died, and had had breast cancer a few years before that. I knew she was unwell but never thought that she would actually die. I spent almost every weekend round her house, and about a week before she died i stopped going to see her, because i thought if i didn't go to see her she'd get better because she wouldn't have to look after me. My nan saw my mum during that week and told her she thought i didn't love her. And so now after all those years i still feel really guilty for not going to see her and hate the fact that she died thinking i didn't love her, since she was everything to me.

This article might be a bit hard to understand but i have a lot of things to say and just need to get them down and out. I can't talk to my mum about how i feel since my nan was her mum and she too was very close to her, so when we start to talk about her we just cry.

Seven years is a long time and it annoys me sometimes that i burst into tears when people start to talk about cancer, since it reminds me of the heartache and loss. It's awful because i thought i'd feel better now, but i don't, time hasn't seemed to of healed me.

I posted a photo of my nan so you can see what she looked like.

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Ellie, I am sorry about your Nan. Talking about her and how you feel will help you. Sometimes, when we don't deal with our losses, years later we can have unresolved grief that needs to be dealt with. Talking and writing about your feelings may definitely help you. Nan looks like a great person, full of love and joy. We will be here for you--ModKonnie.

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It's been three since I lost my dad. I still can't view photos or go to his grave even though its less than an hour away. I don't know why the loss seems so very overwhelming at times and I know there are loved ones whom do not seem to be able to offer that support you need. It's ok to miss her and cry because you do. Hope it helps to know others are here to listen and understand.

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