Scared of the feelings

[Peace]

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum and wanted to write because I have been having a difficult time. The feelings that are coming up are overwhelming, scary, and uncontrollable, and often I don't know what they are or what triggered them. I prefer the feelings that are clear: sadness, anger. The others just have been having me feeling scared, panicked, crazed.

I just hit the one year mark of the first loss I experienced with him, and the feelings seem to have intensified, and it is very uncomfortable. I want it to be over, I want to feel normal again. When the pain comes up it is so big, but I am even more uncomfortable with the in between stages where my body feels so uncomfortable by the feelings trying to come to the surface that I just want to escape, go on a vacation from the feelings. I hope someone can relate, because I feel pretty lonely in this way of grieving and I wonder if there is something wrong with me.

Peace,

Peace

[catz]

oh you poor thing......yes i can relate as im sure most of us on here can. Yes those feelings are scary, theyre huge and they feel like theyll drown you, but trying to resist them wont help. You just get knocked around if you resist. Scary tho it is, you have to let go and go with it, cos if you dont then it will just get worse.

Do you go to therapy or counselling? would you consider doing so? it sounds like you need to talk to someone to help you to express this huge feeling. Everything that you mention, feeling scared, angry, panicked...wondering if youre crazy....they are all, believe it or not, completely normal in this situation, and something that we all have to go through, horrible tho that may be.

I hope you have someone you can talk to about this *hugs*

[LizzyW]

Let the feelings flow, and let them out. It could be that part of the problem with the intensity is that you are trying to control them, and trying to control the situation. Feelings are scary to your mind, but they can't harm you. If you need to scream, then scream. If you need to hit something, then punch a pillow. It is completely normal to feel like you are going crazy. If you can seek therapy or counseling, then do so. This is very traumatic, and it seems that our minds intensify the experience by imaginations running wild. When my husband was alive, he was pretty much my anchor. I have had issues with anxiety in the past, and what he would tell me is that "the only thing in there is you. It is nothing to be afraid of. Nothing will harm you". I know that it doesn't feel that way in the midst of the storm, but in my experience, he was right. The fear is the worst part of it all.

[gambitjr]

You will feel all the emotions, and you have to let yourself go through it. Fighting it will not help, as when you fight it, you tend to try to internalize it. Put it simply, when you don't let your feelings out, you are turning them against yourself. So when you feel them welling up, just let them go. It is your way of dealing with the grief and pain of your loss. When this happens to me, I just roll with the punches, but after a while I know I need to do something else. This is a concious decision, as just being hammered with the emitional tidal wave endlessly is not good for anyone. I have found that a therapist and support groups help, and you need to take help from anyone or anywhere you can get it. Grieving is not a sprint, it is a marathon, and all of us deal with it differently. I wish you the best in your journey.

God Bless,

Al

[Lyrik]

Internalizing the emotions is very harmful to you. I'm a cautionary tale. This is something I do routinely & have paid the price. Multiple ulcers with no bacteria present, I got shingles in one eye & lost my vision in it ect.....all from not letting go of painful emotions.

With the grief of losing my husband and the avoidance of dealing with the pain altho I keep trucking on, I'm now suffering panic attacks so debilitating I get lost driving trying to get groceries.....

It isn't worth it to fight it and dearly wish I hadn't.

[Caremal]

You are NOT alone in your pain. I have no doubt that you are stronger then you think you are. Our emotions can do a lot of things to us if we let them so our health is not worth letting it get t he best of us. I will suggest this to you and others on BIG days like birthdays, holidays, & anniversary's. Have a plan to do something even if it is to get out of town do that or spend with friends what ever it takes to make it past that time. I also feel if you need to scream do it, I find the car a good place for that. I believe getting exercise is a good thing to do as well, if nothing more then a walk everyday. Be with people as much as you can it will help you more then you know. Come to the chat room from time to time a good place to chat with others who know the pain of a loss that is great and powerful.

[Silvergirl61]

What a nightmare to experience all these things we are going through, and how many of us find ourselves in similar situations. Welcome to a new reality, where there is a group who understands, and even though we aren't professionals, we at least can relate.

I hated the expression on my boss' face when i admitted that i got lost on the way to work....like I was lying, or just too stupid to talk to anymore. I try to forgive her, but you know what? It's not so much about forgiveness..it's more about how i feel about myself, and this is a terrible shocking and traumatic experience, that leaves emotional scars, and pain , and we have to give ourselves a break, take time to cry, take time to let the feelings go through us, or we will lock ourselves into a frozen zone- this according to two different professionals i have spoken with

They both recommended this as a good site, where you can see you are not alone, nor are you crazy..you are just grieving..and it's a personal journey...but you don't have to do it all alone. Peace be us all. Silver

[catz]

No, theres nothing wrong with you, youre simply trying to process something overwhelming. Unfortunately, this is a terribly painful process,and often seems to involve as many steps back as forward. Im very grateful i found this place, as i dont have many friends, and none near. Without the kind and gentle people here i might very well have lost it. Its such a release to talk with others who, in a very real sense, talk the same language, and who arent scared of our extreme emotions, as sadly, many people around us are. All we can do is share each others stories, and heartache, and endeavor to help each other thru. Take care of yourself and be gentle wirh yourself.