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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Kiki's mom

Missing my kitty so much my grief is causing extreme anxiety and depression.

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I can relate.  I just put my dog down yesterday and I am still crying.  I suffer from anxiety and depression as it is and this is going to really put me out.  I miss him so much already and the guilt is choking me. 

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I'm so sorry for all of our grief and loss of our dear babies.

I lost my baby Wendell kitty six months ago. I spelled her name wrong when signing up fpr this forum. I could not see to type correctly through my tears.

 

She died of kidney and heart disease and high blood pressure. She went blind before she died and being blind took the joy out of her life and I feel so guilty for that.

 

Wendells was my best friend and my baby girl. Mama loves you and misses you Wendells. 

 

 

I extend my sympathy and understanding to all here grieving the loss of of our fur-babies.

I'm attaching and pic of my angel-baby.

Pic 1 is Wendells Christimas 2012. Pic 2 is after she attacked the toilet paper.

 

Wendell's Mama</3

 

 

 

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I'm so sorry for all of our grief and loss of our dear babies.

I lost my baby Wendell kitty six months ago. I spelled her name wrong when signing up fpr this forum. I could not see to type correctly through my tears.

 

She died of kidney and heart disease and high blood pressure. She went blind before she died and being blind took the joy out of her life and I feel so guilty for that.

 

Wendells was my best friend and my baby girl. Mama loves you and misses you Wendells. 

 

 

I extend my sympathy and understanding to all here grieving the loss of of our fur-babies.

I'm attaching and pic of my angel-baby.

Pic 1 is Wendells Christimas 2012. Pic 2 is after she attacked the toilet paper.

 

Wendell's Mama</3

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My beautiful cat Tigger died with a similar illness as Wendell. It has been almost a month and I can't stop myself feeling so terrible especially during the night when I should be sleeping.

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KiahsMum   

Hi Lois..having sleepless nights like you were in July ...hope time is helping? 4 months since I had to euthanase my precious 19 year old boy Kiah, I'm still grieving deeply.

The loss is still too emotionally and physically unbearable to feel properly, and so the sleepless nights and constant, underlying sadness continue. When the tears do finally come, its the most horrible, gutting, primal feeling and I literally struggle to breathe. But each time is a step forward and so very frustratingly slowly time is healing. Does this sound familiar?

An Aspergers husband means his inability to emphathise normally, so other than support from my far away mum, feel completely and utterly alone with this. To find others feeling similarly, to read your very personal heartbreaking (and sometimes hopeful!) posts has provided comforting validation and much needed tears. Thank u all!

So very much wanting the joy of another cat but dont feel it would be fair until I can honour Kiah with happy memories that make me feel happy, not sad and gutted. Im only just starting to move on from the trauma of that day, the images burned into my brain, so seems there's still a long road ahead. So frustrating, I wish I was stronger than this, I'm shocked.

Would love to hear how others have found ways to start having happy memories ..Kiah deserves them.

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ClayC81   

I love my cats with everything in me and reading your post (well I stopped a few times because of tears pouring. I know how you feel. I thought last night was the last time I'd ever see my Axel due to an emergency vet trip when he started getting sick and lethargic and I was so intensely overwhelmed emotionally that I could barely walk let alone drive. Your kitty is in heaven waiting on you.

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KiahsMum   

Hello

Is Axel ok? Are you ok? It's so gutting. Understand that physical response (I ended up on the floor struggling to breathe!).

It's been 18 months since I lost Kiah. What I did learn from others is that grief is very personal & it's important to let ourselves grieve, uninhibitedly, in whatever way works. I had two beautiful photos of him put on canvas, found a beautiful tea light holder & lit a candle for him every night in a kind of shrine. It's still here in my bedroom, and I still feel horribly sad when I look at his photo. Also found a simple memorial app that I would remember him with every night. I did this for about a year, until the edge came off.

When I  was confident I wouldn't be trying to replace him, I rescued another kitten who is nothing like him! And I rescued a puppy at the same time. Love them to bits too, and they share a place in my heart.

Found in the end that there was a person before and after. The underlying sadness hasn't gone away; have never experienced  grief like that before & I know I won't feel it again until my mother passes away. I dont feel any guilt any more about likely not grieving other family as deeply. I still stop memories of that day because I just can't deal with it. And I still find it too painful to dwell on the memories. But that’s ok! It's how I deal with it & it gets better with time. 

The one thing that I really understood from this is why people can turn to religion. I'm an atheist but above everything, to cope on a physical level, I have to believe I'll see him again. And so I do without over analysing the contradiction!! Whatever helps.

Paula xxx

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KayC   

KiahsMum,

I don't think there is a contradiction...you can believe in afterlife without believing in religion.  We don't have to understand everything or be able to explain it to accept it on some level.  To believe in afterlife gives us hope after all, and it's hard to keep going without it.
 

Clay,

I hope Axel is going to make it and today is better for you.  Been there!

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I am so greatful I found this forum. My 16 1/2 year old kitty passed away Sunday morning. I got him when I was 12 and we were so close, he was my best buddy. We loved each other so much and he would sleep with me every night up until he got sick a few weeks ago, then he moved to a box with blankets next to my bed because it was easier for him. 

I remember when I got him in the early summer of 2000. Someone had abandoned him in a Walmart parking lot with a couple other kittens and my friends mom found him and brought him to their house because they had another litter of cats with kittens there. The mother cat was able to also nurse these new kittens, despite not being the biological mom. This was great, especially since my Romeo and his sister Juliette were under 6 weeks old. 

 

I brought romeo home and it was love at first sight. He wanted to eat everything I was eatting a first and even got into pancakes, broccoli and he liked chicken nuggets. He was a silly cat. A smaller built short hair tiger kitty with the prominent M tabby marking on his forehead. A white belly and beard and vivid green eyes. He was lean with these big ears, a little too big for his head which made him even cuter in my book. I named him Romeo partly due to a blink 182 song since I loved that band back then.

 

Me and Romeo cuddled all the time, he was always laying on my belly when I would lay down above me and place his paw on my forehead. He was always there and would come galloping into the room when I would call his name. He didn't care much for other people or other cats but he sure loved me more than anything, even more than his favorite cat nip mouse or these artificial flowers I had that he liked to lick for some reason. He even loved going on the occasional car ride with me. His other favorite thing to do was to sit outside on my parents porch on my lap.

 

Romeo suffered from aural hematomas in his life, once when he was about 8 or so and again around maybe 11 years of age. Both time I took him to have the surgeries and took great care of him, bringing him home with a cone around his neck. Because of the surgeries, both his ears were kinda scrunchy looking and folded over after that. I thought it made him even cuter.

 

My Romeo passed away this past Sunday morning around 3am. My husband was up with him and heard him take his last breath, comforting him. He chose not to wake me since I had to work at 6am, but I am so thankful he comforted him in those last moments as I would have probably been too worked up to be much comfort. He had started losing weight the last few months and lost his vision on New Years last week. I chose not to take him to the vet at first because I didn't want them telling me to put him down yet. After losing his vision, he kept trying to hide and getting stuck in places. I thought it was because he couldn't see but looking back now I think it was because he was ready to go. I do feel kind of guilty for not taking him to be euthanized then in a way, but I am glad he was lucky enough to not suffer more than a few days and was able to pass away peacefully in his sleep.

 

I had taken him to the vet the day before since he seemed to start suffering and they said he had kidney failure, cardio myopathy and most likely hyperthyroidism but he was too dehydrated to test him. The vet sent him home with me with fluids subcutaneously for me to give him, mild pain meds and prescription food. I think I was able to make him comfortable enough with all that to go ahead and pass.

 

ive cried basically all day every day since that happened a few days ago. Even at work I cry. I'm sure some people may find me foolish but he meant everything to me. I'm trying to deal with feelings of guilt now, did I give him enough attention those last few months or year? I don't think I did. I have a 3 and 4 year old daughter who did a lot of picking him up and petting him, but I don't think I was there for him enough lately.. being wrapped up with my little girls and all. We have another cat moonpie who is 2 but unfortunately he is nothing like my Romeo, not much for affection. Romeo was much like a person, especially to me. 

I am so thankful to find this forum, as it gives me some peace to read other people stories of love and loss. Not that I'd wish this on anyone, It just makes me feel less alone. Tomorrow I go to pick up his ashes. I miss my Romeo so much and wonder if it will ever get easier. I pray I see him again someday because thinking I may not is what hurts the most.

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KayC   

Rebecca,

I am sorry for the loss of your Romeo.  He looks so much like my Chappy, who passed about nine years ago.  He was also very affectionate and I slept with him on my chest, he'd put his arms around my neck. 

You're right, cats are all different, one certainly doesn't replace another.  I lost my Miss Mocha June 3rd, I still have Kitty, but she's turning 21 this year so I know we're on borrowed time.  

It's very hard when you have that special one and they die because you get so attached to their unique traits and qualities and have had a relationship for so long.

My heart goes out to you, I know how hard loss is.

I hope these articles are of help.  It's common to feel guilty after loss, we just feel responsible and wonder all the what ifs, but the truth is, we loved them with all our hearts and they knew it.
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

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Venge   

I don't anxiety, I have complete rage. I only have stayed livign wiht my ex for so long because it provided a good , safe place for my kitteh. This is a very expensive area and I only moved here years back for the ex.

My cat I loved so much, I even helped bring into this world when his Mommie cat had troubling cutting his cord.

So he was around me form his first breath!

This cat who made me so happy the year after 9/11 (i once worked at WTC2 and watched it all unfold  from my condo window)

The cat I had through many moves and boyfriends and ups and downs.

He was 15 and in PERFECT HEALTH.

Like insanely good health.

Then some complete horrible design company used all these unsafe chemicals and NEVER got it approved with me.

My dear cat and my other young cats all became very sick.

My ex even fired this company because they were so bad.

Their employee was a maniac. Spraying chemicals into walls, ripping up asbestos illegally (the asbestos had nothing to do wiht my cats' sickness sinc eit takes decades to do anyhting)

No, it was all the drywall dust, fiberglass floating and chemicals abounding that made everything dangerous in the house.

But it was too late for my dear cat. My other younger cats all survived. but they are rescues and always will be skittish. Not the same at my dearly departed cat.

From awesome to dead within 12 days. Nothing the vets could do. Kept him at home and thought he would pass, but it was 3 days of coma hell. 

Absolute horror.

And this company still hasnt refunded my ex for their horrible work.

The owner is a fake Christian, a sociopath pretending to be a good guy.

Super rich and I hate to think how that evil fiend is about to enjoy a lovely weekend while I am sitting here sad and wihtout my beloved cat.

Additionally my ex only hired this company because they would let him pay in installments since both his very rich parents and mortgage company wouldnt release money to him (this was to replace a kitchen loss from flooding) His parents own this house, he pays their mortgage on it, but they wouldnt lift a finger to get kitchen fixed. 

So I am just sitting here angry and mad because this was AVOIDABLE. That the worst feeling.

It didnt have to be this way!

And I feel beyond mad at myself that I stayed with my ex for MY CAT to keep him safe until I found a better place to live.

(my ex takes a lot of money form me for rent, so it is hard to save up to leave)

 

  

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KayC   

I am so sorry for the events that led to your cat's death.  I do hope you'll sue the company.  I realize by law our pets aren't considered of value, I do wish the laws would change, especially since our pets mean the world to us.  

It's pretty touchy dealing with family over financial issues.  A landlord can be dealt with for breaking the law by not keeping a home habitable, but when it's one's parents, that complicates things.  The only real recourse, as I see it, is moving.  With your name not on the lease, there's nothing you can do except move.  I think I'd rather stay with anyone than an ex, I can't imagine how that must be like.  I'm sorry you lost your cat, and also for your having witnessed 9/11 catastrophe.  It was hard enough seeing it on t.v., I can't imagine witnessing it in person.

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