Sudden loss of little Brother

[Gezziee]

On the 30th May 2013, I suddenly lost my little brother. He was only 16 years of age. A while back (I believe about a month or so), my brother was jumped on the school field by a bunch of young lads. We were told it was not malicious as the boys were apologetic after the event. During this event my brother broke a part of his shoulder called the clavicle. He went to hospital and was given a temporary sling and the following Monday attended a fracture clinic. After a 2 week delay in X-ray results etc, a doctor said that due to the rare way the bone had broken (bending inside rather then outside) my brother would need surgery. He went into one of the uk's top hospitals for what my mum was told was a routine operation to straighten the shoulder bone. During the operation however, doctors found a vein had adhered itself to the bone and there was a small bleed which was corrected by a cardio surgeon of some kind who was present at the operation just in case. My brother was in ICU for 2 days and then moved to a normal ward. Altogether he spent 5 days in hospital before my mum was told he could come home after a few health checks. My brother was home for 2 days and appeared completely healthy. He did nothing strenuous and sat on the sofa watching telly most of the time. However, on the Wednesday evening (29th) he went to bed complaining of shoulder cramp in his left shoulder. Mum believed it may be due to the fact he had not been doing his small exercises recommended by a physio. He got up to move his shoulder slightly before going pale and collapsing on his bed. Although I was present I only saw my brother just before he collapsed, my mum and dad then screamed for me to call an ambulance as his eyes rolled back and he started making horrible groaning noises in the back of his throat. My mum gave him CPR as I phoned for the ambulance. When they arrived, he was breathing but unconscious. The ambulance staff began to give him CPR as he went into cardiac arrest. He later was stabilised at hospital until they found he was suffering from internal bleeding. They opened his chest but by that time it was too late. When they told us they had not been able to save him I remember collapsing on the floor and screaming so loud my lungs hurt. My body was in so much shock I couldn't even produce tears.

The last few weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life. I have suffered physical pains as well as the pain of grief itself. My right shoulder constantly aches and my chest feels fit to burst. Last night I couldn't sleep as my heart was pounding and I kept have dizzy spells. I have also has chocking sensations ( not so much now). My body aches ( tight chest and tense muscles ) and I don't know what to do with myself. My brother was the most beautiful part of my life. I have suffered from anxiety previously and bouts of panic attacks but it just seems so much scarier now my brother is no longer here. In put on a brave face for his beautiful funeral service which really reflected what a wonderful young man he was. He was a counsellor to his friends and even saved some of his friends life's when they were contemplating suicide. It is not fair that such a beautiful young man has been taken from the world.

He was so sensitive and innocent. He wouldn't have hurt a fly. This event has made me feel that life is so unsafe and unpredictable. I went to the doctors about my pains and he said it was tension. I don't really know anyone who has lost a sibling so have no one to compare my feelings and physical symptoms with. I'm in a constant state of tension and worry. I'd love to speak to anyone who has been through bereavement of a sibling and/ or has suffered similar symptoms.

Also, I have never been a religious person but would like to believe in an afterlife of some sort. I was thinking of maybe visiting a s

[Gezziee]

Sorry, accidentally published post before finishing it!

Thinking of potentially visiting some spiritualists I know but am unsure. I just want to know my little brother is now safe with other relatives who have passed.

Has anyone used successful methods to rid them of physical pain and stress in grief?

Kind regards

Georgia

In memory of my beautiful little brother Elliot <3

[Lostwithoutmum]

Georgia, my heart goes out to you. I had to hold back my tears reading your post as I relived my own reaction to my mum's loss...I too hugely mistrust life and find it so unpredictable after what happened ..

I've tried to read on after life, but every time I just end up unable to start or finish a book. I finally decided to follow my own instinct about mum being safe. I hope they are, our loved ones x

You see I don't believe (with all due respect to others' beliefs etc) that anyone can be closer to the person I love and have lost more than I can...

Having said that, do whatever it takes you to feel better the way you need to....

Losing someone precious is the most emotionally draining experience ever, and it is shocking and hard to believe..

Your story is so tragic, the loss of such an innocent beautiful young man..

No words that can make this better, your grief is intense, it's understandable: you have just lost the most amazing brother and so unnecessarily..

I hope you have some close friend who you can rely on during these hard times...

My thoughts are with you

x

[Gezziee]

Lostwithoutmum-

I am so sorry to hear about your mother's passing. I thank you so much for your kind words and your reply, it means a lot to know that other people have had the same thoughts and feelings during such difficult times. I thankfully have great friends and family behind me who keep me strong but it is always nice to speak to people who are going through the grieving process.

Thanks again for your kindness. Look after yourself and keep strong. Sending my prayers to you.

Georgia

[dsmurph]

My heart breaks for you and your family.

[Spookytree]

Hi Georgia,

I recently lost my little brother suddenly, too. He was 23, and in February his heart just stopped while he was mopping the floor at work. That really was it. Although they were able to get his heart beating irregularly after shocking him 3 times, it was already too late. It was less than 12 hours from the time I got the call that he was in the hospital to the time that he was officially pronounced dead. I am heartbroken, and to an extent understand what you're going through, as your brother died suddenly, too.

I guess my struggle with grief has been less physical, however. I really haven't experienced any of the things you've described. The way my grief comes out is more in not being able to sleep (I have to take Ambien), depression (have to take anti-depressants), drinking too much alcohol or overeating (hooray for an expanding waistline), and apathy (I really don't care what your petty little problems are, and I'm tired of pretending I do). And of course the moments of hysterical bawling when you're alone and looking at pictures of your brother. I wish I could be more help to you, I really do. I don't have a medical background, but I would imagine your doctor is correct, and that everything you're experiencing is a result of the stress, strain, and complete trauma of losing someone that you loved so dearly.

I am soooo sorry for the loss you're experiencing. It seems so unfair. So small a thing, to be tackled by some schoolmates and then it kills you. Geez, I bet those guys are suffering from crazy guilt. This is all still very new and fresh for me, too, so there really isn't any advice I can offer you other then to just take each moment at a time. Make getting out of bed a goal. Then brushing teeth. So much harder than you'd think, sometimes. If there's anything I can do, let me know.

You are not alone in your journey of grieving. I really didn't understand how many people have experienced tremendous loss until I myself had. As one friend put it, we are now members of the club that requires the greatest entry fee. I hope that you are able to find people to support you during these next few months, especially. You can do it, girl. A day at a time.

- Hannah

[Gezziee]

Hey Spookytree

So sorry to hear of your own brothers loss Like me you must be searching for answers to why and how such a tragic thing has happened.

Try not to be too harsh on yourself though and look after yourself. I find that drinking makes me feel a lot worse but I understand that we choose different ways to get through difficult times.

Thanks for your kind words and support. If I can be of any help to you during your difficult time please don't hesitate to message me.

Keep strong and I send hugs and prayers your way.

Georgia

[ripDavid]

I to have lost my little brother. It was a car accident... I can't get into details because I am already so depressed right now. It has been almost 6 years for me. We were so close, only 22 months apart in age, lifelong friends. He was only 21 and I 23. I have dealt with a lot of different issues since I've lost him. I to have suffered from anxiety since I was younger, but after losing him it got so bad I couldn't even go to a gas station! No logical reasoning behind it, I just had panic attacks in any public situation. I went through meds and counseling. Well not really, I quit the counseling because when you're grieving as intensely as we are, its hard to sit down and listen to a 'professional' tell you how to feel when she's never experienced what I have. Anyways, sleeplessness, sleeping alllll the time, tightness in chest, body aches, depression, anger, hating everyone in the world who wasn't crying 24/7....I've experienced it all. Im not a doctor and I can't say what you are going through, but if everything checks out medically, id have to guess its anxiety and stress. Anxiety can give you physical pain. Also stress causes tension which can cause headaches, muscle aches etc. Sadly I have no advice well nothing no one else has already told you.... I guess I'm just posting because I feel a connection in our loss. Totally different scenarios, but our brothers. People tell me about losing grandparents or distant uncles or a guy they were friends with when they were young etc....But I feel like they just don't get it. Nobody understands the bond siblings have. Especially when you're best friends. And the siblings who are best friends that still have theirs here can't comprehend BC its not something you can truly understand until you go through it. People always hear of things happening to other people and say oH my goodness that's terrible thank god it wasn't my family and may actually for a moment try to imagine if it was, but our human minds cannot begin to imagine anything close to what its really like. I'm rambling. I just want to tell you I understand your pain and I'm so very sorry. Especially knowing Elliot was such a sweet innocent boy and it was such a tragic and senseless act .....you must have terrible anger. I did...I still do....and I have no one to blame. But god? Brings me to my next topic...I tried reading books about heaven and god in the beginning but I got so mad I ended up throwing them across the room. If gods there then why didn't he care about my brother enough to answer our prayers? Yea. Anger. Anyways, I don't know what you believe in, but I'm going to suggest something that's maybe a little strange? Obviously you don't live in america, but here there is a show called long island medium....I don't know if you're familiar with mediums? Anyways I started watching it recently and no kidding, for the first time I found something that brings me a sense of peace. I know David is here with me. I know he's OK. If you watch it you will understand what I mean. I found an interesting book to...I've been reading it, haven't finished yet but its a different medium and she's sharing her knowledge of the afterlife. Its really interesting and brings me peace. Elliot is with you....talk to him...look for signs...they may be the most normal insignificant thing for other people but if you're looking, something will happen and you'll know its him. A song he loves comes on the second you turn your car on, a truck drives by and the company happens to be his name, a butterfly lands on your shoulder....call me crazy but I truly believe its them. Message me if you need to talk. I wish the best for you.

P.s. here's a quote I LOVE...its from the corniest movie ever but who cares, its a movie I love "his love is like the wind, I can't see it, but I can feel it" <3

[ripDavid]

I to have lost my little brother. It was a car accident... I can't get into details because I am already so depressed right now. It has been almost 6 years for me. We were so close, only 22 months apart in age, lifelong friends. He was only 21 and I 23. I have dealt with a lot of different issues since I've lost him. I to have suffered from anxiety since I was younger, but after losing him it got so bad I couldn't even go to a gas station! No logical reasoning behind it, I just had panic attacks in any public situation. I went through meds and counseling. Well not really, I quit the counseling because when you're grieving as intensely as we are, its hard to sit down and listen to a 'professional' tell you how to feel when she's never experienced what I have. Anyways, sleeplessness, sleeping alllll the time, tightness in chest, body aches, depression, anger, hating everyone in the world who wasn't crying 24/7....I've experienced it all. Im not a doctor and I can't say what you are going through, but if everything checks out medically, id have to guess its anxiety and stress. Anxiety can give you physical pain. Also stress causes tension which can cause headaches, muscle aches etc. Sadly I have no advice well nothing no one else has already told you.... I guess I'm just posting because I feel a connection in our loss. Totally different scenarios, but our brothers. People tell me about losing grandparents or distant uncles or a guy they were friends with when they were young etc....But I feel like they just don't get it. Nobody understands the bond siblings have. Especially when you're best friends. And the siblings who are best friends that still have theirs here can't comprehend BC its not something you can truly understand until you go through it. People always hear of things happening to other people and say oH my goodness that's terrible thank god it wasn't my family and may actually for a moment try to imagine if it was, but our human minds cannot begin to imagine anything close to what its really like. I'm rambling. I just want to tell you I understand your pain and I'm so very sorry. Especially knowing Elliot was such a sweet innocent boy and it was such a tragic and senseless act .....you must have terrible anger. I did...I still do....and I have no one to blame. But god? Brings me to my next topic...I tried reading books about heaven and god in the beginning but I got so mad I ended up throwing them across the room. If gods there then why didn't he care about my brother enough to answer our prayers? Yea. Anger. Anyways, I don't know what you believe in, but I'm going to suggest something that's maybe a little strange? Obviously you don't live in america, but here there is a show called long island medium....I don't know if you're familiar with mediums? Anyways I started watching it recently and no kidding, for the first time I found something that brings me a sense of peace. I know David is here with me. I know he's OK. If you watch it you will understand what I mean. I found an interesting book to...I've been reading it, haven't finished yet but its a different medium and she's sharing her knowledge of the afterlife. Its really interesting and brings me peace. Elliot is with you....talk to him...look for signs...they may be the most normal insignificant thing for other people but if you're looking, something will happen and you'll know its him. A song he loves comes on the second you turn your car on, a truck drives by and the company happens to be his name, a butterfly lands on your shoulder....call me crazy but I truly believe its them. Message me if you need to talk. I wish the best for you.

P.s. here's a quote I LOVE...its from the corniest movie ever but who cares, its a movie I love "his love is like the wind, I can't see it, but I can feel it" <3

[Losthim2010]

Dear newbie. This is the first time I have logged into a forum

Ike this. I was so sorry to hear that you have lost your little brother. I have too. I am forty now and lost him three years ago. I would like to say that time is a great healer but it's not. That pain in your heart will be there forever, just like the love was and always will be. I hope that one day you will be able to smile about the things you remember about him. I am just about able to Smile now. He will always love you, as you will him.

[wgreenlee]

To David's big sis…I will be thinking of you as you continue your grief journey. I can feel the love you have for him in your post. He must have been an amazing young man. Stay strong and honor David in everything you do. I am trying very hard to do the same for my son, Brooks.

I, too, know your anger, but I must continue to have faith that my son is with God. I don't know why bad stuff happens to good people, but I know personally that without my faith I just wouldn't be able to cope right now.

Wishing so much for peace for you…hope this virtual hug from someone who knows your grief will help.

Wade

[wgreenlee]

ripDavid…here's a couple pics of Brooks. Love you son…always and forever…Dad

[ripDavid]

Lobe the pics!!! I'm going to try to start my own topic and add mine

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