Members naty0123 Posted June 5, 2013 Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 Its been a year since my husband went to heaven! Im so lonely,lost,depressed and feel like a zombie. One day i can do things and the next day i just want to stay in bed and cry. There is someone that has approached me in a very friendly manner...don't know of its ok to talk with him. He allows me talk about my feelings and my husband and lets me cry and cry. I had been with my husband for 19yrs..i feel like a shell only with no emotions. Ill never love again, my heart is in heaven with my husband. He was my true and only love..anyway i thought id put this out there to get some advise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LizzyW Posted June 5, 2013 Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 My personal thoughts are that after a year, it's fine. It's the first year that many people seem to be inclined toward "rebound" relationships, after they have lost a partner. I doubt that there are any hard and fast rules, and everyone probably differs, but the general rule of thumb that I've heard and read, is to wait for at least a year before making any drastic changes in your life. Some people can undoubtedly form a healthy relationship before that time frame is up, but I doubt I could. I don't think there is a logical reason that you must feel like you are obligated to live the rest of your life alone, and never have an intimate relationship again.At this point for me (just 5 weeks after losing my husband), that is the last thing I'm interested in, but it seems quite common to eventually form another significant relationship for many people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members needy Posted June 5, 2013 Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 Reinvention and finding the new you, I starting to understand those words. This man sounds very supportive what do you have to lose talking to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members naty0123 Posted June 5, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 Thanks for the responses! Im in no need for sure for a relationship..im still missing my husband very much..i still have all of his things where he left them them..i can't move them at this time. I guess i just feel guilty a bit talking to someone! This gentleman is very nice..was in a marriage for 22yrs but things ended badly.so we are both going through major changes.of corse huge difference but overall when u have been with one person your whole life and then their is change everything is different.anyway..again just like the feed back....ive explained to him that im just a shell with bo emotions...its like im just here breathing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LizzyW Posted June 5, 2013 Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 Thanks for the responses! Im in no need for sure for a relationship..im still missing my husband very much..i still have all of his things where he left them them..i can't move them at this time. I guess i just feel guilty a bit talking to someone! This gentleman is very nice..was in a marriage for 22yrs but things ended badly.so we are both going through major changes.of corse huge difference but overall when u have been with one person your whole life and then their is change everything is different.anyway..again just like the feed back....ive explained to him that im just a shell with bo emotions...its like im just here breathing...To the bolded: maybe that relationship would be good for you, to pull you out of your shell, and spark some life in you once again. I realize how painful major losses are- I've lost a son, my father, and my husband over the past 18 years- my husband's death was Apr 28 of this year. Imo, it's important to try and go on living, not merely existing and breathing. Our time on earth is relatively short, and we have no guarantees of a tomorrow. Even if you never have an intimate relationship, there are several types of meaningful relationships that you can have. Relationships are a part of what makes life worth living. Best wishes to you- I hope that you can find some measure of happiness in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members naty0123 Posted June 5, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 Thanks Lizzw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rkh3 Posted June 5, 2013 Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 I went through a dating phase earlier this year, met/dated several women. One thing I found is that widows/widowers connect much better than us and divorcees. I found divorcees to be bitter and their lives still revolve around the divorce. They also can't appreciate what we have been through, or are going through. Lastly, there is a reason they are divorced and it isn't always their ex's fault.Now that I have exhausted that phase I am happy to be unattached, I like my company better than the women I met anyways.Take it slow & good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members naty0123 Posted June 5, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 Thanks!! I like my company too except i then dont leave my room....im just lost...one day ill be able to function..i hope Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted June 5, 2013 Moderators Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 no hard and fast rules, and everyone probably differs, but the general rule of thumb that I've heard and read, is to wait for at least a year before making any drastic changes in your life. Some people can undoubtedly form a healthy relationship before that time frame is up, but I doubt I could..Take it slow & good luck.These 2 responses pretty much sum it up for me. I would just generally advise great caution. After a year you may have begun to "regroup"/etc, but the loneliness can linger much longer - and it can be a powerful force to seek out companionship/closeness, even to the point where your judgment is clouded and someone - esp someone clever enough - could take advantage by "being there" (think the Seinfeld skit). No I am not saying this guy is doing that, but I'm saying it's something to be on guard for, and during this time it is sometimes hard for us to keep our guard up, because that can also mean not letting people in at a time when we so badly want that feeling again. Again just saying go SLOW, and be quite cautious. If this guy is truly interested in "being there" for you, going slow - even very slow, perhaps even deciding there is nothing more than friendship potential there - he should not disappear when that becomes clear.PS if this guy's divorce (or anyone's divorce/separation) is recent, like about a year or so or less, I'd be EXTREMELY cautious. Again not that their intent is bad per se but they are also an emotional mess in those early times of a split, and so they might pursue more than they are really ready for too. Best to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Caremal Posted June 6, 2013 Members Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 YES it is OK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austykatie Posted June 17, 2013 Members Report Share Posted June 17, 2013 I have kinda been MIA lately as I am going through a lot of "changes" in my life also, However I had to chime in on this subject! As with everyone I advise to use much caution! Now that does not mean keep staying in your bedroom and not live life! I believe our loved ones would not want to see us that way! Go out and smile or laugh once in awhile! I actually went rollerskating one night and it was life changing for me! I begin to remember what life was before Jim's accident! As much as I miss him every second of every day I also know that he will not be coming back and I cannot keep living my life the way I had been! I am a spunky, full of energy & Sparkly person (as most people in the chat room have observed LOL). Friends are just that friends! Do they help you feel better? Smile? Laugh? YES! That's okay! Since Feb 16th my and my kids life has turned upside down! I didn't know how I was going to move forward and even breathe! We have moved out of our house, pretty much given up everything we have and are starting over! We get to move into our new house in a few weeks and have been putting our new life together! As hard as it was for us to do all this we were forced to as I was not the "wife" just the "girlfriend", but its okay! It kicked my butt into gear! I may have had to do things faster than I wanted but really who is keeping time? No one can judge or even tell you when the time is right to do all those things! Its to what you feel comfortable doing them! I do think if you feel guilty for doing something than maybe you are not ready! I have a friend that has been my rock! Not quite sure what I would do without him right now! That's right we are just Friends! LOL Everyone seems to think that is not possible! I once remember hearing that some of the best relationships come from friendships! I don't think there is anything wrong with having friends! Everyone needs someone to cry to, talk to and go outside of your normal & maybe enjoy life alittle! I look at life so much differently now, I do what makes me happy and it doesn't matter what other people think or say! When they have been to hell and back they can come and give me some advice! For now laugh a little! ENJOY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.