Loss of my dad as a teenager

[anne21]

My Dad passed away just over two weeks ago. I was very close to him and loved him very much, and he was my best friend.

I am 18 years old and I feel quite alone because none of my friends have experienced what I am going through. Some of them have not mentioned my Dad's passing and are treating me as if nothing has happened. This makes me feel worse, because I feel as though they don't want to know about how I'm feeling and this makes me feel like I can't grieve and have to act happy in public, when I feel the complete opposite.

I just wanted to hear from other people who have lost a parent, either as a teenager or an adult, or have been in a similar situation. Has anyone got any advice of how they coped?

[MissuDad]

Hi Anne, I´m really sorry for your loss I also lost my dad over a month ago, I´m not 18, but 29. I believe your friends don´t mention your loss as they get afraid of making u feel sad. Tell your closest group of friends that you need to talk about it. It will help a lot. I won´t make it go away, but it will free some of the emotions inside. I can´t give you much advice as I´m new to all of this and still dealing with several kinds of emotions, but just try to live the day by the hour, after a month I still do that. I don´t mean to scare you, but difficult times are coming and you will need to reach for help to keep you grounded, so don´t be afraid to share your feelings. Hang in there

[NiNi_27]

. Sorry for your loss . I lost my dad when I was 14 and im now 18 and till this day it hurts . When I first found out none of my friends really talked about it either . I cry myself to sleep most nights still because im hurting I never got to say goodbye to my dad he died from cancer :/ . Some days are easier then others . Then you have them days where you just wanna be alone . If you need to talk I'm here . Xoxoxo NiNi

[lmnlover]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have seemed to notice that while people do feel sorry for our losses, they truly do not know how bad it is unless they have experienced it themselves.

[thearcher23]

Hi Anne, I'm really sorry that you lost your dad. Your post could have been written by me and my situation so I know how you feel - mostly. I lost my dad when I was 18 too. He was my best friend and the parent I went to for pretty much everything - I was dad's girl and the only child. Dad died suddenly - no warning - here today, gone tomorrow. I experienced the same feelings as you wrote about - loneliness, isolation, and a feeling like I couldn't talk to most people especially because no one could truly understand what I was going through. I also felt anger, resentment, betrayal, abandonment, disbelief, among other things but at the beginning I didn't feel much at all - I was numb. When I did want to talk, my mom was too wrapped up in her own grief to help me and my friends, like yours, didn't really mention his death. They, along with most people, didn't know what to say, how to say it, what to do, how to act around me, etc. I kinda felt like the only time I could grieve was when I was alone but that was hard too and not entirely healthy since I ended up bottling up alot of what I felt or more like I avoided feeling. Not a good approach. No one can tell you what's right or wrong. We all need to grieve in our own way. One thing I can tell you is that no one will ever 100% understand how you feel because no one had the special relationship you did with your dad, no one experienced the things you did with him and when he died. But there are lots of us here who mostly understand and we can definitely relate to you and how you feel. It's been over 20 years since my dad died - I was 18 and he was only 42. I still have a hard time with acceptance and not being bitter about the unfairness of losing my dad so young. We missed a lot of things. The best advice I can give you is to try to acknowledge and deal with the feelings you have in whatever way works for you. Also try to remember the good things, the fun times, the special moments. It really helps when you feel like you just can't deal. Hopefully you do have someone you can really confide in about your grief and if you can't talk to your friends, you've already reached out to a good forum here. Someone once told me "Your Dad isn't gone. He's just gone around a corner in life that you haven't reached yet. When you get there, you'll see him again." I sure hope that's true. Sorry this is so long but I hope that some I this has helped you. I'd be happy to chat further if you need to vent. Take care.

[Drod24]

hey. 

i lost my dad in march and i am 17. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. 

I am also very very sorry to hear some of your friends aren't being there for you. You'll soon come to see how people deal with death so differently. Its nothing personal, and they don't expect anything from you. Its the mere fact they don't know what to expect, do, say or even feel that they don't mention it. They don't want to hurt you. 

So i am going to try and be a friend. 

You can cry whenever you want. Honestly, I envy you, I am the exact opposite. My friends expected me to burst out crying whenever.. and i never did. So you really need to stay true to your feelings.. that is how you cope, grieve and move forward. Don't have any expectations. Your 18, and i know how crazy tis time can be. There are a lot of changes happening and then this happens and BAM every thing changes in a very short amount of time. Its like aging 5 years in 2.5 secs. 

You should of course give yourself the time to cry into your pillow and sleep for hours. But you also need to keep moving, Without feeling pressured. believe  it or not, your body has a pretty good idea of what its doing.. listen to it. As for finding people to lean on, which is SO important.. this forum is a great way but also, try to find someone who wants to be there for you. I know maybe that isn't easy... maybe a sibling or another persons mom. It doesn't matter, it can even be a teacher or boss. 

You need someone. 

And you never know, maybe they need/will need you. 

[Kersten]

I also lost my father in March and I'm 17. You mentioned how you feel as though your friends don't mention it and I agree - mine don't either and still don't. I believe it's because they don't want to hurt you by bringing it up. But I find that i helps if other people mention him, it's almost a way to keep him around you all the time. It's a difficult thing we are going through, and even when we are alone, we are not. Our father's are with us always, even if it's hard to believe at times. I'm new to all of this and I find that I'm having a harder time coping as the months go on, versus when it first happened. Just know that you are allowed to feel any way that comes to you, your thoughts and feelings are completely valid and you need to feel them in order to allow for them to pass. Be easy on yourself, people will understand.

[Kersten]

I also lost my father in March and I'm 17. You mentioned how you feel as though your friends don't mention it and I agree - mine don't either and still don't. I believe it's because they don't want to hurt you by bringing it up. But I find that i helps if other people mention him, it's almost a way to keep him around you all the time. It's a difficult thing we are going through, and even when we are alone, we are not. Our father's are with us always, even if it's hard to believe at times. I'm new to all of this and I find that I'm having a harder time coping as the months go on, versus when it first happened. Just know that you are allowed to feel any way that comes to you, your thoughts and feelings are completely valid and you need to feel them in order to allow for them to pass. Be easy on yourself, people will understand.