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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
kelly

hard choices = no peace

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Dear Bette,  The feelings you have about your son's relationship with his significant other are quite normal for one who grieve's for hers.  It's so hard to work through our emotions in grief, especially when they are so all-consuming.  Looking for escapes, I think we all do that from time to time, and much more in the beginning, until at least we settle into some kind of semelance of a life again.  You're feeling overwhelmed with responsibility at a time when your world and life are upside down.  You've been through so much in life, and it seems like when we have significant pain from our past--even though we may have worked through it already--old wounds rise up to a degree as we try to manage the new wounds as well.  It seems you have a very small system for support--maybe only that neighbor...  and coming to post here.  You mentioned on another thread that you work in a social services (welfare) office??  Are there any resources through your office that you can look into for helping one of their own service personnel?  You're wounded in battle, and you need to have a chance to tend to your wounds, but that seems so hard to even begin when everything around you is pulling at your attention.  Do you or have you attended church that can offer you free services, like counseling, grocery shopping, light cooking and/or cleaning at your home, etc?  If you could have help with just one or a few things here and there, it may offer you a little bit f relief and time to just be still to mourn and grieve for your own sake and sanity.  I am so saddened when I learn of people who have no one to reach out to for help...  I am so concerned for you, and yet all I can do is be this far away and pray for you... and maybe, hopefully for this little bit of time let you know that someone out here cares and shares in a very painful journey called grief....   Thinking of you....  ~Claudia

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Claudia, just being able to share openly and not sugar coat or make it seem better than it is helps tremendously.  I am considering having my sons go to their parents for a few weeks and my daughter to her dad (court ordered) and give me a minute to breathe, feel what I feel, do what I need to do and pull myself back together.  There's always going to be a place in my heart only for Roger, but with everything else I have to find a way to "live" and not just exist.  I have to show my kids that bad things can happen, things we don't want and that we can live again.  Maybe not in the same way, but still do it.

Today was better....a few tears here and there, but not the all consuming pain of last night.  I am hoping those moments get fewer and more far between.  It not being even a month yet I know it will be longer yet still.

Moral support in any form means alot.  As far as church, well the one who raped me was a youth pastor...so haven't stepped foot in one for a very long time.  I do have a handful of good friends, but I hate to be a burden too...

You and your support are much appreciated...

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It is mortifying when someone you trust--someone people should be able to trust--violates that trust in such a destructive way that it scars one's ability to reach out in a certain manner as a result....  I'm so sorry...

As for taking a break...  If you have a reasonable avenue, such as the ones you mentioned with the alternate parents, by all means do what you must so that you can take care of your immediate needs, which then allows you to better take care of them.  Sounds like a good plan.  As for friends, for anyone who calls me a friend, I invite them to burden me in their hour of need...  I wish all friends could and would make those invitations...especially when they know a friend is hurting.  I do wish you comfort and rest...  ~Claudia 

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Yes, it is bad, but there's wose.   I'm lucky (blessed), I guess...I survived it and learned to live again.  Many lose their lives.  My oldest son is the one who saved me.  So, I guess that's part of why I try to hold it together so much.  He has since felt he needs to protect me, try to fix what's wrong, whatever.  I just want him to be a "normal" teenager or as much is possible when you've experienced the things he has.

Anyway, going to lose myself in a book.  Tonight has been more tolerable.  Fighting with my myspace page has taken my mind of things.  Hard to concentrate on that and think of anything else when you're trying to figure out how to do something.  Wishing you rest and peace...

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Bette I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Please take care of yourself while you are going through this I know it is hard to even think about but take care of YOU. I seem to have failed at this job, even after Claudia and Aurora both warned me about it. I had to go to the doc today and it seems that I have lost about 40 lbs in the last month or two, not very healthy, and I now have pneumonia plus a couple of cracked ribs from coughing so hard. That is a hard combination to deal with. The doc wants to admit me to the hospital but I just cant afford it.

This is all because I havn't paid any attention to what my body has been telling me. You have to eat when you are hungry no matter if food seems to have no flavor any more or not. You have to sleep when your body tells you too even if the nightmares are too much to handle. I not only am an emotional wreck but now I am physically falling apart.  Its almost like I am punishing myself subconciously, considering how I have felt about Jennie I really wouldn't pass it off as just my imagination.

please take of yourself

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I am trying hard to, but like you said food doesn't taste like anything much.  I know I have lost about 15 lbs already and had lost about that when I had a complete hysterectomy about 6 months ago...so I'm on the low side of what's average for being as tall as I am.  I too have a cold or something.  I do try to rest when I can, but not too easy.  Having lost the one I love has brought up everything else and the nightmares are harder to forget now that he's not there....even though we lived miles apart I could txt him a msg when they came and he would either call or send words of love and encouragement...now there's nothing....

Please take care of you the best that you can. I'll try harder...you do the same..  Deal!

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Lostinguilt, Please, please, please take care of yourself.  If you get any worse, if not already, you may end up hospitalized whether you can afford it or not.  It sounds like you really are in bad shape.  Maybe it's self-punishment.  But maybe it's just severe depression associated with your loss and grief.  My mom is going through that right now as her husband had a series of strokes in February, (after a couple of hard strokes over the past couple of years), and now has severe vascular dimentia.  He is in a home because he basically has lost a lot of physical function and she can't care for him round the clock as he needs.  This was sudden and she has over the past couple of months lost over 30 pounds.  She finally went to the doc and got Lexipro (I think), and she says it is really taking the edge off of the severity of her depression.  I'm not an advocate for taking any drugs, but if you haven'tr talked to your doc about it already, maybe you should discuss anti-anxiety meds.  It could help you to at least not be stuck in the severity of despsir--at least allow yourself some time to get well.  Do you read much or watch movies?  I found after I lost my son and while in the deepest part of grief that mindless activity kept me occupied for a while and helped to take the edge off.  I also took a sleep aid for a couple of months until my sleep pattern stabalized.  I'm very concerned for you.  You really need some TLC, and the only one it give it is you....  Please take care...  ~Claudia

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This is three weeks now since he's been gone.  Four since I last saw him.  It still seems so unreal.  How does one go about figuring out what to do how to get through with that big gaping hole?  I still have so much trouble sleeping.  Feeling down today.  I am hoping spending the day outdoors in the sun with the kids will help get me through the day.

Bette

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I am going insane here. The doc told me I had to stay in bed for a few days since I refused to go to the hospital. So I am trying to be good and not do anything but I just have too much time on my hands. So I have been reading and spacing out into the tv. Besides my ribs have been hurting to much to do anything. Shoot it even hurts to cry. (Go figure, hurts to cry, hurts not to cry) I must say the antibiotics the pain medication and the antidepressants make me sleep like a log. I almost forgot what it was like to get any real sleep. No nightmares! no dreams of any kind thankfully. I think that this slow down is kind of a good thing. At least maybe it will give me the opportunity reflect on my own situation and set some priorities and perhaps a goal or two.

The problem with being sick and wounded :? well it justs makes me miss Jennie even more. Too much time on my hands. Too much time to think about the way things were, the good and the bad, and about the way things could have and should have been. Wouldn't it be cool if we all got one do-over in this life? No I guess it wouldn't I still would wonder if I was using it for the wrong thing and probably would never use it.

I cant seem to find the words to express what I am feeling today.

Guess I am going to go to sleep again :D

Thinking of y'all

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There's a lot of days I don't know how to name what I am feeling.  I'm not numb, but the pain isn't quite so intense as it was.  I do manage a day now every now and then without bursting into tears.  I do still get teary eyed quite often.  I guess it helps some to have the kids to help keep me distracted.  My 13 yr old broke his ankle Monday so that's been the main focus of my attention.  He also has an intestinal disease and has a colostomy so you can image how much extra help he needs now that he's off balance.

Hope today is better for you and that you get better soon.  I have to work at eating and taking care of myself, but I am trying harder.  I guess my kids were getting scared because I'd lost so much weight so fast and wasn't too big to begin with.  Hang in there. 

Wishing you rest and peace

Bette

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Well I am at a complete and total loss of what to do or who to be anymore. I may be seeing Jennie sooner than I thought....... Seems that the Doc doesn't think that I have pneumonia anymore, but the x-rays clearly show something sooooo.... they are talking operations and such nonsense. Thing is, I am afraid to go find out for sure. I just dont know if I still have the will to fight anything like this. Hell I dont even know what this is yet. **** I am scared. I would almost rather go and find her, but........ What  if I cant find her in the next place. what if I wait to long and she forgets me. What if.......................................... I miss her so much but I am just not ready to go yet.

It almost seems like I am being tested somehow. This test? .................I will fail. I just miss her and I am not sure if I can take many more ass kickings. In The words of Paul MCartney and John Lennon "Let it be".

Stick a fork in me I am done!!!! If you can't tell there is a little alcohol involved in this post. I have just dealt with the death of my soulmate, the wrath of my sons,  and now it seems I may be dealing with my own mortality. I am a little drunk right now. call me a coward, say what you will, but I am scared and I am dealing with this the best I can. I guess I better find me a new place to seek guidance and some understanding. I wonder if there is a "really freaking scared" forum somewhere?

thinking of yall. 

and thanks for everything.

Take care and may you all find peace in your own way and time.

I pray that I am not the goofy ass that ruins any kind of hope for anyone else but I wouldn't be posting here If I didn't feel the need.

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Oh my!  Please have yourself checked out.  It could be something, but it could be not as serious as imagined.  Either way earlier detection of things means better chances of treatment.  She would not have wanted you to not take care of yourself.  If nothing else do it for her.....

My heart aches for you.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Big hugs!

 

Wishing you peace and comfort.

 

Bette

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QUOTE:  {Thing is, I am afraid to go find out for sure.  I would almost rather go and find her, but........ What  if I cant find her in the next place. what if I wait to long and she forgets me. What if.......................................... I miss her so much but I am just not ready to go yet.

It almost seems like I am being tested somehow. This test? .................I will fail. I just miss her and I am not sure if I can take many more ass kickings.}

LOSTINGUILT, Please forgive me if I say anything here that makes you uncomfortable, but I read your post and I just can't walk away from sharing with you...  You asked some pretty hefty questions.  The thing is I think these questions are built into us.  We don't just grab them out of the air because we are going through a terrible trail in our lives.  You said it seems like you're being tested.  Who do you imagine might be testing you?  And you asked waht if you can't find her?  What if you wait too long?  What of she forgets you?  So, I would like to ask you a question to ponder?  Do you think or believe there may be a larger force than us that could hold the answer to these wuestions??  Someone who actually has the kind of power to test us on a level we cannot comprehend until tragedy strikes??  Someone who actually can control our destiny and the outcomes of health issues and so forth??  Ok!  I've asked those questions not to be antagonistic.  Please, please believe me.  It's just food for thought.  I know you asked the questions here.  But I am feeling that the questions you have are answerable, just to someone you have not asked yet...

I believe in eternity (past, present & future), in a Creator, and in Christ.  This faith I have tells me several things that give me the kind of hope that you are searching for...

1) We are eternal beings.  We do not have memory chips that are erased after death from this life.  Your wife would remember you as you have been known in this life to her, just as my son will know me as I have been known to him here.

2) We may or may not be tested through various circumstances in our lives.  However, I think each circumstance brings us an opportunity to seek something greater than ourselves.  I believe that something is God.  In those opportunities we have free will within our nature to choose to ignore or pursue.  It is a personal choice that no one can make for us or coerse us into.  Our choice in the "pursuit of us" will determine our eternity/future beyond this life.

3) We do not have to fear our future when we have the Hope of eternal life beyond this world.  Nothing or no one can take that away from us when it is freely given by grace from God.  There seem to be lots of things that can make is fear in this world.  But if we truly carry that Hope, things of this world--life, death, sickness, loss, pain, suffering, etc--can touch us and even torment us, but they cannot reduce our future beyond this life.

4) In that Hope we can know with certainty where we will be after this life.  Those gone before us are certain ot be there too if they accepted the pursuit of us and been given the goft of grace, the gift of salvation and eternal life with Christ.  So we will find them.  They will not forget us.  No amount of time will be too long...

5) There is no measure of time in eternity.  What we measure here as minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, etc...  To them that have gone before us, there is no measure like that.  When we pass from this life and enter the Kingdom of Christ for all eternity, it will seem but like a blink to those there before us the time that we have been separated.  There won't be the emotions that devastate us in this life, like fear, hurt, missing, etc...  So they don't feel that now.  We do.  That gives me some confort in knowing my son is safe and joy filled, and he is not despairing or worrying about forgetting me or wondering where I am yet.  He is going about his business of truly living the way he was designed to live, but in this world (the way it is--unredeemed) we are unable to live that way.

OK!  Yes, to someone who doesn't think about these things or believe, (and this really is only a very brief summary of a few points in my faith--a follower of Jesus Christ), that I am a nut, a fanatic, a whatever...  BUT, This Faith and This HOPE is what keeps me going, keeps me from being afraid, allows me insight into questions that otherwise would not make sense or have answers, and so on...  This faith allows me to consider how to best live what life I have here and to look forward to the perfect life beyond here that I was created to have....   I'm not saying that i don't have some regrets inlife, things I would do differently with the hindsight i now carry.  But it helps me through the dark despairing moments of this terrible pain and suffering of loss and grief.  And it does give me a beautiful, perfect Hope to hold onto in the rough times.

Whatever your spiritual/faith journey, it is yours.  I merely wanted to share a piece of mine iwth you.  You can truly take it or leave it--your personal choice.  But when someone is siffering so much as you are, the most wonderful and appropriate thing I could ever share is my faith and hope.  Without them I would be lost too.

I am praying for you, praying for the outcome of your medical condition (whatever that is), and for the restoration of your relationship with your sons.  I have been waiting between your posts to hear from you, as I care so much about how things are going for you.  I won't speak anymore to you of things you wish not to pursue.  I promise.  So, please don't feel I am trying to push anything on you.  I hate that you felt you shouldn't maybe post here.  Please keep coming back and posting as often as you want and need to.  There are people here who care, are listening, and definitely praying for you.  Hugs & Hope, Claudia 

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LostInGuilt,

I have been where you are. I suffer from various health problems and have been at the level of fear that you are describing. It's hard for other people to understand that fear without experiencing it. A few years ago when a friend tried to commit suicide, versus facing the doctor, I didn't get it either. But once you are in that situation, it seems hopeless. I know. I've been so caught up in the what could be, that I was literally one step from stepping off a building top.

I didn't want to find out about my own problems. I avoided the doctor like the plague, but was finally forced into taking action. And what I found out, like my friend ultimately did (when his attempt failed), was not nearly as bad as what my mind perceived. And the same may be true for you. There are a lot of things that can show up on an x-ray that may not be as bad as your imagination is making it out to be. It could be something benign. I have such a spot in my lung that they found out was not anything serious. And think of how much better you will feel knowing that.

If it is something bad, then you will eventually be forced to find out. It's far better to find out early where you can be treated than later when you can't. I know it seems hard, but the mind is particularly good at finding strength in these times and even though it seems like you wouldn't want to fight, you will. We all have that survival instinct. But think of it this way, the chance of it being bad is far, far slimmer than the chance of it being okay.

I wish you the best of luck my friend and you are welcome to PM me. I know it can be extremely difficult. I do know that there is a forum that is dedicated to anxiety problems. This is not the one I was thinking of, but this one seems to be good too:

http://www.anxietyforum.net/

Please let us know how you are getitng along. Being alone is the hardest thing and you do have people out there that have been where you are and care to not see others in deep pain from fear.

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Well I am better now. I coudnt take the pressure the fear and the insecurity so I hopped on my scooter and went for a two day ride. Sure blew the cobwebs out of my head. I stink, my body hurts but my mind  is CLEAR. I had almost forgotten what it was like to get in the wind and just let go of the the world and BE. Simple existance, the sound of the wind the road and my motor. No fear, no questions, no regrets, no remorse, no GUILT.

My last post, now that I read it,  seems a little desperate and I think I must have been very close to, if not in the middle of, a breakdown of somekind. This is the kind of thing I was talking about before. I have never been the kind of person that needed a lot of hand holding and??? whats the word ?? well, outside help. I have always been so strong and independant. But after I lost Jennie, the way it happened, all of the circumstances leading up to her death, and everything that has transpired since, seem to have me second guessing my every move.

To be honest I dont think I have ever felt this insecure about myself. Even as a pimply faced short scrawney nerdy teenager I felt more sure about myself then than I do now. Maybe that is a lot of the problem????   

I am still afraid to go and see the doc again but I know I have to and I will next week. Scared stiff I guess would be a better way to put it. You ever wonder what it feels like to be a deer caught in the headlights? I think I am pretty close to that. Its almost like the relief of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and then finding out that it is really a freight train hurtling down the tracks at you. Makes me want to jump on my scooter again and just ride away.

thank you all for the replies.

Claudia, I do know about faith I was raised in a very religious family I went to school as a young adult to become a minister, and yes most of my questions are plainly answered by the Christian faith. Sometimes, I almost wish I still held the faith, but I lost mine a long time ago. So, I will not pursue this train of thought any further except to say hold on to yours. Maybe down the road we can talk of it sometime but right now I couldn't give you a rational discusion about any kind of faith base.

 

Well that was way deeper than I was expecting to go with this today. I just want all of you to know that I am ok, still freaking out, but ok. I havn't done anything really stupid, well it seems like I am doing a lot of really stupid things all of the time, just nothing dangerously stupid :/ 

thinking of y'all

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Lost,

 

I am so glad you are going to do something to take steps to take care of you.  I too haven't needed a lot of hand holding.  Heck, I went through having my daughter's dad try to end my life with his bare hands with just me and the kids and not only lived to tell the story, but face the man every other weekend.  That seems like a walk in the park compared to having lost the man I loved. 

I wish there were something any of us could say or do to help make it easier, but there isn't.  Just know you are not alone and we're here to lend an ear/eye and moral support as people who are in the boat with you!

Peace and comfort to you!

Bette

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LIG, I second what Bette said.  Just know we are here for you...

The scooter escape sounds like a very pleasant dream.  I'm glad it gave you a little relief from the track you were on.  When I read your last lines of your post, I couldn't help thinking about my own son, who actually was literally run over and killed by a freight train.  When I think of that light, I have to immediately think of the light of Glory to replace that thought that would otherwise drive me insane to dwell on.  I certainly can relate in how getting lost in those kinds of thoughts can bring on the despair.  What I hope for most for you is healing and restoration, within yourself and with your boys.  You are never far from my thoughts and remain in my prayers.

Hugs, Claudia

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Claudia...... I am so sorry

My intentions were not to injure someone else with my own self doubt. I am still just a mass of confusion and pain and I sure dont want to make anyone else have to feel the same. I am glad that you have the faith to look forward and to the more positive.

 I know it has been a while since I posted. The last few weeks have been very crazy and unsettling. The exploratory surgery went well, I guess???? I am not going to get into details but it could be worse. So I am ok with the lot handed me at the moment. To put it vaguely, I have a long row to hoe ahead of me.

This day is one of the roughest days I have had since I found out Jennie was gone. This is the day we met. I woke up this morning so emotional and so out of sorts. Its like I spent all night with the nightmares again. I woke up crying, I dont know why, other than I miss her. This one song just keeps playing over and over in my head it is a great song but, it just makes me so melancholy. I dont know if you have ever heard it but it is "Here without you" by 3 Doors down. Really dont know how to go about this day. Purposeless.

One good thing did come out of me going in for surgery. My sons are now speaking to me again. We still have a lot of work to do but I think they are starting to understand that I was just trying to protect them from the harsh reality of our situation. maybe not perhaps they are just learning to accept the things that were and things that are. I dont know. It really doesn't really matter. I am just grateful for the chance to be Dad again. Is that selfish?????? sure sounds selfish when I write it.

Well look here I think I just found a little purpose.

I won't get to see them today but just the thought is something to hold on to. But then again If I think about it too much it just gets me wondering, why? Did you know that those boys are the only thing that helped me keep it together when me and Jennie were having so much trouble? They were everything I worked for when I didnt think I could make it another day without Jennie. All through the rehabs the feelings inadequacy the divorce and all the fallout the the divorce caused, they were my reason. Now that I have completely lost Jennie it seems I have lost my reasons and the love of my boys. Oh they are still there and I love them dearly but they will never return to the closeness that we used to have.

Shoot there I go again. I just cant keep up with this.

My emotions are just on a rampage today.

Wish I could go riding today. I tried a couple of days ago but I am still in a little too much pain for all of that. besides I made my 'wounds' bleed again.   

I just want to say thank you for being there for me.

all of you

thinkin of yall

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My heart is breaking all over again today. I just wish I could put my feelings plainly.

It is like there is some kind of short circuit between my heart and my brain. I think that all is going to be ok one day and the next it is like I am on the brink of disaster. If only I could find a noble raft that would keep me afloat against the waves of pain and guilt. I have slipped into my own personal darkness again. In my mind the logic is irrefutable "it is not my fault" I could not prevent this thing from happening to you. But my heart, my broken and torn heart refuses to accept the logic and insists that I could have done...........something more. Even one more hour or one more day or month or year could have made the difference. Maybe? just one more rehab or the right counselor just one more embrace. Then my mind tells me "you spent the better part of three years trying to bring her back from her own destruction feel satisfied that you did all you could". Perhaps it is the manner in which she was taken. The horror and violence of it all. Maybe just maybe that is why I am having such a rough time with my choices and moving through this blackness. My physicians, and I use that term loosely,  tell me that one of my biggest reasons for my "issues" now are that I never really dealt with losing her the first time. I really cannot fathom this as I was almost as much of a wreck then as I am now. The biggest difference from then to now is that I used to have .......... hope. Hope for some kind of a future with Jennie. Hope for her ability to heal herself. Hope for my broken heart. I guess it could be called denial????? But it was hope. Now in this life I have no such hope. My only hope now is for some kind of a new beginning. Something new and alien without ties to the past. That hope is at this moment unthinkable as the past is more concrete to me than the present.

"Here Without You"

3 Doors Down

A hundred days have made me older

Since the last time that I saw your pretty face

A thousand lies have made me colder

And I don't think I can look at this the same

But all the miles that separate

Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'

As the people leave their way to say hello

I've heard this life is overrated

But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go

It gets hard but it wont take away my love

And when the last one falls

When it's all said and done

It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl its only you and me

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LIG, I'm so sorry the anniversary day and these following have you feeling so down and without hope.  I can understand and relate...  It's so final and no going back, except in memories and forward in wishes of how things might have been if only this or that...  It's nor,al and common to feel all of those things as part of "coming to terms" with the new life that includes catastrophic loss.  I was grateful to read that your boys are in touch again.  You may feel now like you will never be connected with them as deeply as you once were, But life might surprise you in a good way and you may find yourself even closer.  I know that as I finally grew up and let go of a lot of issues of my younger days with my folks, I came into a deeper relationship with them.  As your boys mature, they will begin to understand more and more what you went through, how you tried to protect them, and how much they mean to you.  The way you wrote about them and share...  It's so obvious.  And they will feel that too as they begin to come to terms with things and begin the healing journey.  Healing and restoration between the three of you...  That is my prayer, and I pray that it can become a new kind of hope for your journey that will slowly ease the pain of having lost your old hope.  Blessings and peace for this moment, Claudia

P.s.  Your earlier post did not hurt or offend me in any way.  I was just sharing a thought and my heart.  I'm sorry it made you think that you struck a cord.  Truly I have come to terms with everything regarding my loss, and I am on the healing track.  I still cry too and I think there will always be very deep scars, but the edges of the tear in my heart certainly are not as sharp as they once were.  I can breathe now without feeling like my heart will burst.  You will too one day...

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LIG i went thru the same exact feelings recently as i lost mother june 6th 2007 and recently well you understand -

 

it hurts so much doesnt it - i am sorry - for me taking my depression meds is the only thing that helps me to stay sane - i take dexedrine a third of one of those a day - if any 1 wants to ask their dr for them thats what i take they sure do help me - i am not saying to take meds but if any 1 wants to that seems to be the best i have found

without my meds i cry all night long and cant sleep and am a mess - with my meds i stay focused on good things mostly and get things done around the house that i need to and then i am tired enough to rest at night  

they have saved my life without them i didnt want to live - when she first left me here thats what kept me going was the meds - for a whole year thats what i did to stay alive and then after stopping them for a bit i can see that i need them again - and have recently started them up again

thank God for the pills - thats all i can say -- without them i dont think i would still be here thats how it was for me -

 

 

 

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kelly   

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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