Members noahsmommi Posted May 18, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 18, 2013 Its been three months since my dear momma passed. It's still so new and trying to get used to life before she got sick is proving to be so difficult. Especially for me, who was her primary caregiver. I find myself so lost. Im 25 and have been independent for sometime now. I moved out on my own when I was 19. I am married and have a 4 yr old. My dream was always to have a family of my own. My childhood wasn't easy and I wanted to create a good home for my family. And I can say I have all Ive ever dreamed of. A wonderful husband and a beautiful son who are the center of my world. I was in Bliss. Until my momma started to get more and more sick. Eventually she moved in with us and I care for her until the end. Now that's shes gone, I feel so lost. I feel like I lost my identity. I lost the joy I once had in my family. Im not happy with my life at all. I feel like a 15 yr old. Lost in this big bad world. And don't know where to turn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissuDad Posted May 18, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 18, 2013 Hi Miss u Momma I can really understand the pain you´re expressing. I can´t give you much advice, but you can always find solace in your husband and son. I can´t even share the pain with my family except some friends... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gambitjr Posted May 18, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 18, 2013 Missumamma,I am sorry for your loss. It would seem that your role of caregiver is now over. It also seems, based on what you have said, you are now lost in what to do next. When you cared for your mom you had a purpose that was defined, and now that definition is blurred. You did the best thing any parent could ask for, you cared for them. That task in your life is over, and understandably you are a little lost. It seems it would be time to take a big breath, and refocus. During the grieving process a lot of things become lost due to the upheaval we experience. Give yourself a break, you just took care of your mom in her illness and in her dying. That is not easy, and can be very draining on a daily basis. If you need help to refocus, the next time you sit at the dinner table with your family, look around and see if there is anything that needs your attention.Yes, you got it.....your family...and refocus once again on what is most important in your life. You will grieve, but you will also move on to "caretaker" of your own family. Your mom will always be a part of you, and she loves you very much for what you did. Now it is time for you to show your family how much you love them.God Bless and guide your steps,Al Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SuzyBird Posted May 21, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 21, 2013 Hi Miss u momma,Today is the 2 year mark for me. I was my mothers caregiver as well. I know how you feel. After she past, it was like I couldn't stop being a caregiver. I also kept questioning if I did everything I could? Did I do it right? Should I have given her less of this and more of that? I couldn't go out with friends, I just needed time to be with my thoughts and sort things out in my head. I know now that it's not uncommon. Things will get better. I have had to realize though that what I went through as a caregiver to someone I loved so much, it was tramatizing. It does change you. I have just accepted that I am a different person now. I am more emotional and sensitive then I used to be. It's not exactly a bad thing I guess, even though it feels that way at first because it is so different then how I used to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members noahsmommi Posted May 21, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted May 21, 2013 Suzybird, That is exactly me. The emotions are insane. I never used to be an emotional person at all. I mean im the youngest of my siblings. Im 25 and I have a 32 and 40 yr old brother and sister. And I was the one who took my mom in and was her caregiver. I can honestly say ive always been the strongest one. But since her death ive been a mess. It got ok for a while but now its getting harder and harder everyday and im more emotional than ever. I don't feel like that strong, independent person I once was. I don't know who I am anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gambitjr Posted May 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2013 missumomma,Unfortunatley when a tradgety occurs, the one who is the strongest, is usually the one that props everyone else up. During this time they don't have the time to enter the grieving process. It seems that you started your late. We all lose ourselves during this, emotions are like the waves crashing on the rocks. They come from all angles, sometimes we see them coming, but most times we get blindsided. You are the same strong person you were before, the difference is, when the emotions of a loss hit us, we are all reduced to an emotional weakling. Maybe that feeling is foreign to you, be we all go through it. It knocks you down, and you dont think you can get back up, but you will. Just allow yourself to feel the emotions. They will be all over the place. It is your body and mind trying to correct itself and get back to stable ground. You are who you were before this happened, and you will be yourself once again, only with a little hunk of you gone.Hope this helps.God Bless,Al Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NCL Posted May 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2013 Sadly, I have the same feeling. My mom was a huge part of my life and of myself. Now I feel as if I'm not the same person. I've read other people that say that they feel that a part of them went with their loved ones when they passed. That is so very true. I'm not the same person as I was when she was here, I don't know how much is left of me, it sounds weird but it's like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dsmurph Posted May 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2013 I am not the same person I was before Emily passed, and I will never be again. A piece of my heart, a piece of me is gone. I don't look at our existence in any way as I did before. Elizabeth Kubler Ross says with each loss there are lessons. These lessons change who you are. A loss changes who you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mystic Earth Angel Posted May 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2013 Hi Miss u momma,I know how you feel, I've lost my mom also. You have to give yourself time to grieve, she pass a short time ago. Please try to find a support group in your community, so that you will have another outlet. I am new to these boards. I have been reading over them and there is tremendous support here, but sometimes we just need a little more. It takes time for the healing process. I will keep you in my prayers.Blessings, Light and LoveKathy Z Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kaycee42 Posted May 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2013 I am not the same person either, I lost my Mum 3 and a half years ago and my Dad 8 months ago each of them has taken a large part of me with them. I just cannot find any happiness in my daily life though I really do try. I feel cut off from my family who have recovered, and so feel very alone but I do know that many people loose loved ones and go on to live happy lives, so I wait for this time in my life to pass. I try not to analyse how I feel, just let it be. However I do know that while I am not happy with my family I am not in the right mind to make big decisions about my future, my marriage or anything else but one day I will be and I will know when that is because I will no longer feel so lost. So please take heart in that this is a normal feeling and it will pass even if it takes some time. Be kind to yourself and accept how you feel, it is what it is, no right and no wrong, just how you feel at the moment, I hope that this helps, take care of yourself and I am so sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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