the 6 month mark

[Yadairaisabel]

Hello! many of you are very familiar with my loss! its been a while since I posted anything. Honestly Ive been having a rough time and needed some quiet time! I hope that everyone I know here is doing better and all those I do not know as well.

May 5th, 2013 marks the 6 months of Chucks death. I thought I was doing pretty good until a few days ago. I dont know why his death seems so real now. I feel like the last few months Ive been living in lala land! Its almost like I am living all of this all over again! Hes gone and I cant do anything about it. I finally realized this is a very permanent thing and it just kills me inside. I mean half a year has gone by without him our daughter is crawling and making all kinds of gogo gagga noises and our son is playing soccer and starting school in August. It simply hurts to see how time goes by without him. It hurts to know he cant enjoy these kids.

Did the 6 month mark of your partners death mark such significance like mine? how do you cope with this "father time" issue???

[MaryArlene]

Hi--- April 30th marked 6 months since my husbands passing. I thought I had been doing pretty well, still grieving but during the day I had been holding things together especially for our 15 yr old son. The day before I started to get really down and then the anniversary hit me. Things like seeing spring come around, nature coming back to life and thinking that my James would never be with me again to enjoy the seasons. Just like the holidays, birthdays, everything, I suddenly felt so alone.

I am fortunate in that we have a large family and my husbands friends have made it a point to be influencers in my sons life. He has surprisingly been well adjusted. We've both been in therapy for the whole six months and his high school has a counseling group meeting that he goes to twice per month. I asked my son if he ever cries, and he said that he thinks I cry enough for the two of us. I am thankful that I have him, his humor, sayings, mannerisms, remind me so much of James, I'm grateful for him being in my life.

Wishing all the best to you Yadaira.

[Yadairaisabel]

Hi--- April 30th marked 6 months since my husbands passing. I thought I had been doing pretty well, still grieving but during the day I had been holding things together especially for our 15 yr old son. The day before I started to get really down and then the anniversary hit me. Things like seeing spring come around, nature coming back to life and thinking that my James would never be with me again to enjoy the seasons. Just like the holidays, birthdays, everything, I suddenly felt so alone.

I am fortunate in that we have a large family and my husbands friends have made it a point to be influencers in my sons life. He has surprisingly been well adjusted. We've both been in therapy for the whole six months and his high school has a counseling group meeting that he goes to twice per month. I asked my son if he ever cries, and he said that he thinks I cry enough for the two of us. I am thankful that I have him, his humor, sayings, mannerisms, remind me so much of James, I'm grateful for him being in my life.

Wishing all the best to you Yadaira.

Thats great that you have your son! he sound like a great young man! Im glad to know Im not the only one that has felt like this. I am very thankful for the kids they really just keep me going! I guess time just gets to you sometimes

I wish you the best and I am very sorry for your loss

[needy]

How do you cope with "father time" issues? Hard question to answer. My husband worked alot and I hate to talk about skeletons in the closet but might as well say it, my husband was an alcoholic. When he was home he spent hours and upon hours down in the basement drinking. Before his passing my children and I were trying to convince him to seek help. With therapy we are getting to understand the disease of being an alcholic. My husband was never abusive and never got so drunk that he would black out but he was distant.

I was the main parent. I have two sons, one is 18 years old and an impossible self centred, my youngest son is 14 years old. We have opened up communication and things are better, but my 18 year old is still difficult.

My sons' football couches are wonderful and former couches also being very supportive. My son's uncles are also doing what they can.

My children do have great memories of when their father did spend time with them which is good. I do get a little stuck on questions like "did you and Dad have a good marriage?". Of course my husband and I made huge mistakes in our marriage and I try to answer it the best I can. How do you answer that question? Both my sons realize I put up with alot.

Again back to the question, how do you cope with "father time" issue?" Breaks my heart to say, no clue.

[Yadairaisabel]

Thank you for opening up like that needy. I know how hard that can be. And yes that question is just one of those that stay up in the air. I hope that everything continues to improve in your life as much as it can. Thank you again for your reply. God bless.

[needy]

Yadairaisabel I feel horrible talking about my husband that way. He was a very complex man. I have a greater insight on why he was the way he was after talking to extended family. I realize now how many mistakes we/I have done. My husband even with all of his faults is greatly missed. He had some annoying habits that drove us crazy and we are missing each one. I guess it comes down to, you don't know what you have till it is gone.

My sons and I are trying to have a more positive look on life, but it is easier said than done.

I have been extremely busy this last few weeks it helps the pain but I am getting a little burned out. Last night was the first time I was alone in the house since my husband's passing. It was very hard to be alone in the house. Guess that is why I poured my heart out.

I am praying for you and your children.

[Yadairaisabel]

Needy I am so sorry you are going thru this along with your kids. I know its not easy to speak of your husband in that way but I know there were very amazing parts of him as well. My fiance was most def not perfect and we made many mistakes but there was something just radiant about him. Tonight is very tough for me because he passed away 1:30 am on the 5th of November. It will be 6 months in a few hrs and Im living this nightmare all over again. I know what you mean with being alone at the house for the first time! I have yet to be able to take that step I cant even imagine how it feels =( alone time is always hard! memories just pour in!!!

your family are in my prayers

[mgilbertson]

Yadairaisabel I'll be thinking of you and your children tomorrow. I find myself keeping track of the months like I did when my kids were babies. One day it must get easier, thats what I hope for. Take care of yourself !

~ Marti

[Austykatie]

Yadairaisabel I'll be thinking of you and your children tomorrow. I find myself keeping track of the months like I did when my kids were babies. One day it must get easier, thats what I hope for. Take care of yourself !

~ Marti

I also do this! I have asked in my group therapy at church when I will stop counting in weeks vs months vs years? My answer from a widow of 13yrs was that it hits about 2.5 years... I cant even imagine doing this counting by weeks for that long! Even though I think the time has flown by I still feels like it stands still in my world. Saturday was 11 weeks since Jim's accident but also 2 weeks since they found his remains in the river in which he drowned in. Its all been an emotional roller coaster for me and my kids. It feels like we go in cycles! Sometimes we can go to the park and smile for an hour or so, then other days none of us feel like going anywhere or doing anything! This group has been a great place for me to come and vent!