Hello

[calebsmomma]

I've been to this site several times.  I lost my son Dec 19th 2007.  He was 19 years old. Caleb was a beautiful young man with such a giving spirit.  He died as a result of an auto accident.  I miss him so very much. 

My husband and I just started going to counseling.  All it seems to do is make me angry at my husband.  He has a medical problem that was made worse by our grief and quite frankly I just realized the last few weeks that I'm not able to greive because I'm too busy taking care of everyone else and I just want someone to take care of me.  Does anyone ever feel this way or am I just being selfish. Any ideas I'm open to them.

[wyomingsal]

I am so sorry you lost your precious Caleb from this Earth.  December is still so recent and the pain so fresh for you.  I lost my 10 year old last summer and I still hurt and cry almost every day.  My husband is disabled and I have to bear the brunt of the taking care of everything.  It can be so hard and weigh so heavey on a grieving soul.  Everything right now is affected by grief.  It is only my faith in God and my hope for eternity with my boy that helps me get through.  I pray that you will be encouraged and strengthened during this difficult time.  I pray that friends and family will come and help support you and allow you time to grieve and rest.

Sal

[calebsmomma]

I sometimes worry that this counselor is not for me.  I was  doing fine helping my husband til she asked, who was taking care of me.  I hadn't even gave it a thought until she said it.  I just did it. 

The only reason I went to the counselor was because my husbands illness got worse and he needed me to be with him. 

I'm sorry for your loss too.  I remember 10.  I am grateful for everyday I had with Caleb..good and bad as raising children you have both. 

Your faith seems so much stronger than mine.  I was going along handling everything til my hubby had an attack and I thought. Lord, Please, please I can't handle this right now. 

People try to help..and lots of prayers are still going up..And ultimately I WILL be with Caleb again.  I know that.  I have the comfort of knowing were he is.

[mikesmum]

[user=19769]calebsmomma[/user] - I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your Caleb in December, the journey is new, the hurt so raw.  I lost my son (31) in Jan 07 and the grief is still evolving.  I was drawn to your post by your sons name......my youngest red haired grandbaby is CALEB!

As for the counsellor, you might be right.  It is so important that you 'click' with the one who is counselling or providing support.  Without that you may withhold emotions, thoughts and feelings that need to be aired.  For your husband the hurt/anger may just be his way to grieve.  Each of us do so in many different ways. You are still the care giver in the family dynamic....a role you played with your son, sometimes the famiiar things are easier,  the loss of a child is an abombination beyond our wildest experience......

Please come often, read or post....whatever you feel the need to do is okay here.

Some other threads may provide vital support and experience for you.....Loss of a young child or teenager.....Many have been on their journey a little longer than you, but their words provide insight and comfort......

Most importantly, take care of yourself.....this journey is long and can be wearing....Trudi

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Caleb's Mom, I too am really saddened that you have to be here posting for the ultimate reaon that brought us all here--the Loss of a Child.  My heart truly grieves for your loss and pain.

I do agree with Trudi in that the best benefit from counseling comes when you can feel comfortable with the counselor, that s/he is the right one for you.  Having just started though, it's maybe hard to tell...give it just a little time and assess it after another one or two visits just to be sure.  Maybe it's just like you said.  You haven't had time to grieve or even think about the emotions and mixed up mess of feelings you carry, because you've been so bucy taking care of your husband.  So, as you were asked thought provoking questions that brought deep emotions to surface into words, you are shocked by them--shocked by how you truly feel about being caregiving and grieving at the same time, but not being able to grieve as you need to, openly and with the compassion and support of your life mate.  If this is true, please don't blame your counselor for that.  They are trained to help us open up.  It is true that December is so short a time, so raw and fresh, and the shock perhaps is just now starting to lift for the emotions to come through.  It's shcking when they begin to flood.  I thought I was handling my loss fairly well for the first few months and then boom.  I exploded.  I had the opposite problem as you.  My husband wouldn't grieve openly, with me, and I felt like I suffered very alone with my early grief--until I found this web site....

I lost Joey on July 31, 2006, just 7 days prior to his 24th birthday.  He was hit and killed by a train.

I too am a woman of faith, and I know my destiny is eternity with Christ, where Joey now is without a breath of doubt.  "Knowing" keeps me going, gives me hope, comforts me, and allows me to heal, but it's a long process that will not see my longing for my son end until we do meet again.  In that I am also sure.

Do come and post as you need and want to.  You will find great friends and support here.  I also post on Loss of a Teenager Thread, Loss of an Adult Child, and Grief and Healing from a Christian Worldview.  I post on others, but these are the child loss threads that I find most active and comforting.  Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you as I send off this post, and again, I am very truly sorry for your loss. 

[heartbeataway]

You're not selfish, you're a grieving Mom ........

I'm so, so sorry for your loss!  Our journey started the 28th of April, 07 with the sudden loss of our son. This is the hardest of all lifes journeys. Ask for help if you can.

Counciling is good if it's the right person and situation. Perhaps you and your husband should go to separate counciling sessions.

Pour your heart out with your keyboard. You're in the right place. Beyond Indigo has been a haven for me.

I wish you strength in this journey, peace, strength and rest.

Love from one grieving Mom to another, JasonH'sMom, Bonnie

[calebsmomma]

I'm feeling a little better about the counselor.  I think your right tho.  I think I need a seperate session.  I have so much anger built up inside that needs a safe place to come out.

I'm angry at my MIL, for some of the insensitive things she said after Caleb died. 

I know I have angry feelings at my husband not only for his illness, which I know he can't help, but for several other things relating to Caleb.  And always defending his mom instead of me.

I often wonder, why Caleb, he was a hard working productive member of society that would help anyone, when I see so many young men who do nothin all day, no job, just a drain.  I know in my heart of hearts its God's plan but I can't help wondering why.