mariemb

Am I going crazy?

6 posts in this topic

I'm having trouble sleeping, I'm so sad, so confused. I know i"m going to sound crazy, but the bottle of tequila that my dad drank from on rare occasional holidays was moved... only my husband, and my aunty whom I am now fully responsible for ( she's special needs, and she's 64 years old ) live in this house, and I know for a fact that neither of them moved the bottle, my husband got home late, I keep an eye on my aunty 24/7 , and I had just cleaned the area where the bottles are. I don't know, maybe I moved it after cleaning and don't remember.

I have no idea who to mourn for... my grandfather? my grandmom? My dad? They all passed away in a period of 11 months, I didn't even have a chance to get some form of closure with one when another died and then another one died. I guess I'm on here in this forum because I don't want my friends or close family members to keep telling me to be strong, not to cry, or bother them with my story... I know that a lot of people here are dealing with the same thing, I just don't know where or how to start...

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How do peoples expect you not to cry? It is all part of it and if you push it all inside and don't deal with it then it will come out in other ways. Sooner or later you will grieve. Allow yourself that now. it is all part of a loss. Do you have other family members who can come over and give you a break so you can have some time by yourself to try to deal?

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How do peoples expect you not to cry? It is all part of it and if you push it all inside and don't deal with it then it will come out in other ways. Sooner or later you will grieve. Allow yourself that now. it is all part of a loss. Do you have other family members who can come over and give you a break so you can have some time by yourself to try to deal?

Marie, I am very sorry for the physical passing of your dear ones. However, dsmurph is completely right in what she says. It is most unreasonable for others who do not feel your personal pain to try to keep you for expressing your sorrow. I concur with her 110%. You do also need a break and those who would understand your situation should find a way to be able to help you, posthaste! Many blessings to you with my hope and prayer that you will soon find a solution to this matter and be in a better space.

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I know you're right. If I do push it all inside I'll just explode. That happened to me after my grandfather passed away... but everybody around me just kept on telling me to " be strong for your grandmother", then she passes away and they were like " be strong for your dad" , now my dad passes away and they say " be strong for your Aunty" .. Damn it!! I'm tired of being strong, I'm EXHAUSTED of trying to keep everything and everyone together. With the " be strong" comes " Don't cry or it's going to make you sick" comments.. UGHH! Unfortunately my "family" isn't a close family. Almost all of my uncles were there at my grandfathers funeral, at my grandmothers funeral only a few showed up, others didn't even call.. at my dad's funeral none of them were there. I only have an Aunty who lives about 15 minutes away from my house that helps me A LOT, but I understand that she as well has a life, she's not my grandparents direct daughter, she their daughter in law.

I just feel so sad that I took care of THEIR parents FULL TIME for more than 5 years, and they didn;t even call me to give condolences after my father died. That's why I saw that I don't know where to start sorting out my emotions, there's just too many things going on, makes me feel like I'm just plain loosing my mind at times...

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Times like this family can become um just plain out rude and hateful!! If it makes you feel better then cry!! Cry all day if you need to. Heck I cried while doing the dishes an washing clothes the other day an I dare some one tell me I need to be strong. I think I've been strong long enough. Just remember to take time for you even if its a 10 minute break.

As far as the bottle moving...I like to think our loved ones send us signs letting us know they're OK. My phone goes nuts every now an then an I mean it can be sitting there an it lights up an its like someones scrolling thru it. I also heard a story about pennies an angels...if you find a penny your angel is there or something...I never really believed that until my dad passed away then I started finding them every where. even if I just cleaned that spot. Now that my moms gone I'm finding two at a time. It maybe nothing but I like to think they are letting me know they are near.

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Pennies!!! I've found some here and there... when my grandfather passed away I used to get stalked by ladybugs lol it was so cute.

What I do believe with my whole heart, is that when you dream with them, it's really them visiting you. The night before my grandmom died, I dreamed with my grandfather... he told me that my mom was walking again because she was going to pass away. The next day she did. 1 week before my dad got really sick and went to the hospital for 10 days before passing away, I dreamed with both my grandparents for that whole week.. they didn't say anything to me, they just seemed to go with me wherever it was I was dreaming of.. after my dad passed away I understood that they were trying to either warn me or just be there for me in their own way.

I hope you find more pennies :)

M.

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