Members noahsmommi Posted April 6, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 My mom has been passed for 6 weeks now. And its been the most difficult time in my life. But I thought I was dealing with it. Or trying to the best way I could. Still did everything I had to. Went about my normal day, with a cry or 2 in between. Went back to work. I was proud of myself at how "well" i seemed to be doing. But now it seems like i literally have started all over. I am a complete and total mess. All I do is cry. All day! No matter what I do or where i go i am bawling. It seems that I just lost her today. I know they say grief is a roller coaster ride. But I wasnt expecting this. I am worst now then I was when she first went. I accepted it as best I could then. I knew she was sick and knew she was dying. Now, I CANT accept it. Im miserable without her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lamp Posted April 6, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 Don't be too hard on yourself. From what I've been told & have experienced so far, grieving comes and goes. One minute I'm ok and the next, I feel like my dad died all over again. Today for example, after church, someone who I've only spoken to maybe twice in my life said I had such a sadness about me and she was concerned. I had to tell her about Dad, who died just over 2 months ago. You have to be gentle with yourself. It helps if you have support. As for me, my support comes in fits & starts, so that makes my grieving harder but things have improved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lostwithoutmum Posted April 8, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 I know exactly how you feel. I totally relate.I lost mum on February the 17th and I have felt numb, in agony but in denial....The hardest moment was when mum's heart stopped, I wanted someone/anyone to get it right again, I wanted a miracle to happen, I wanted to wake up from this awful awful nightmare, and run to her for a hug...I wanted HER To calm me down and tell me it was going to be fine ... I still want this now...Over the last couple of days, it has hit so hard again: has mum really gone? Will I never ever ever see her again? moan about an early start at work, about missing my fiance, about a haircolour gone wrong? Will I never ever again go shopping with her? Her beautiful smile was always so comforting, her words, she was so selfless....I miss her terribly.Life is so unfair and no matter how hard I try to convince myself that this (death) is a glass we all have to sip from, I just find no consolation......it hits back harder...laden with all the many great memories, but also with unbearable pain. I am so angry at the passage of time - everything moves on but this heart-wrenching pain remains fresh, swells , and makes me feel more helpless..I just want to say you are not alone, such loss is profound, irreplaceable, irreversible, inexplicable and extremely confusing ...I feel for you, I hope you get through this..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members noahsmommi Posted April 9, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2013 Its so hard to accept that shes gone. For me, I knew she was going. It wasnt unexpected. I had "prepared" myself. And for the most part i THOUGHT I had exepted it. But lately it seems like everyday is a struggle. They say to think of the happier times but it makes it worst. To know those are memories and will never happen again. As I drive by a store we shopped at or resturant we had lunch at, I can imagine us in there talking and laughing and its unbearable.When I have a hard day with my 4 yr old (and im sure any mom can relate) I realize I cant call her and ask her advice on what to do I break down. I am so lost without her. I took care of her the past few months and it not only feels like I lost my mom and best friend. It feels like I lost my child. If that makes any sense. I did everything for her. And it gave me a purpose in life. Now im just lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tiffanycrash Posted April 10, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2013 Sorry about all of your losses my heart aches for each of you Miss u momma you have put into words what I have been going though its like I could have wrote that myself. The only difference is my mom only went into the hospital to repair a broken femur. Even though she had been sick all her life we did not expect her to pass anytime soon. But I feel your pain I have an ADHD son that I use to call my mom about daily. She would often come "rescue" him. I also helped take care of her, I would take her shopping, go clean her house an do anything she needed. I was her daughter, her nurse an she was my bestfriend. Like you I find my self lost. Taking care of her gave me something to do an now its like I have no one who needs me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members noahsmommi Posted April 10, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2013 I know the feeling. I feel useless and I think I only held up about her being so sick and dying because I didnt have a second to sit and cry and deal with it. I was constantly busy with her. Now I have sso much time on my hands. It just feels like one looooonnngggg neverending day for me. When u normally have a bad day, u go to sleep and tom is another day. For me, its not like that anymore. I sleep when i sleep but it all feels continued...I miss her soo much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tiffanycrash Posted April 10, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2013 Mmmm...sleep what that??? Yes I understand... you think maybe if I can sleep this wont be real and eveything will go back to normal. But when you wake up you realize it is real then the reality sets in all over again and it just continues. Its like a cut on your hand if you don't bump it it doesn't hurt or bleed but if you bump it the tiniest bit it opens back up an the pain is unbearable again.....I'm with you on the missing part..sometimes I think I'm going crazy..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daddysgirlalways Posted April 10, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2013 I can relate to everything everyone on here is feeling. I lost my Dad less than 6 weeks ago and the pain of reality is starting to really sink in. I thought I was doing pretty good at first. His suffering was over...but little did I know, mine has just began. I was his caregiver until the very end and being that I have lost the main focus in my life, I find it hard to do anything but cry. My heart is shattered in a million pieces...If I could have just one more hug, one more smile, one more minute.....I have never hurt like this in my entire life....this emptiness consumes me. Everyone says it'll get better, but I don't know how it can. I just want to lie across his grave and scream to the heavens for my Daddy to come back. Dear God, please help me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lostwithoutmum Posted April 10, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2013 M.U.M it is exactly what you said: this: "When u normally have a bad day, u go to sleep and tom is another day. For me, its not like that anymore. I sleep when i sleep but it all feels continued"This type of pain that washes over you everyday with the same intensity - the profound pain that time, sleep and all other elements of life can't heal, but only numbs temporarily..And I know what you mean about mum having been the centre and focus of your life. Although mum was seemingly healthy till the last few days...but she, too, was everything to me. She was my best ever friend, never judgmental and always a giver, always the listener daddysgirl I wanted to do exactly the same..In fact I was screaming at everyone then...My thoughts are with all of you...x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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