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Mom is gone and need a new start


noahsmommi

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Wed marks the 1 month of my moms passing...It seems like the numbness is starting to fade and the hurt really starting to sink in...I have lived in my city all my life and every corner, every store, every sight just reminds me of her and its soOo painful. Not to mentioned she lived with me while she was sick and I cant even go into her room without weeping...I have always wanted to leave this place but never wanted to leave my mom behind. Now that she is gone I feel like its the perfect time to move and start over. But i'm afraid...I feel like I cant stay here because I expect to see her everytime I go to the store or supermarket. But im also afraid to move and leave all of our memories behind and the place she made home...I feel more lost than ever. Has anyone moved after the lost of someone? Did it help or make it worse? Thank you for reading

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I like you, cared for Mama in my house. Everything reminded me of her, and I grieved even more. It's been 6 months today..

I decided it was time to change, and moved. It was scary, but a very good decision. BUT, it didn't make the memories go away. I still think of her, and all of them places we went to, even if I cannot see them now. I am still grieving, just in a different place.

Guess what I am trying to say, is if you're running from grief, moving wont help. If youre wanting to better your life, and relocating would make that happen, I think it would be a great decision. We all want better lives for ourselves, and our mothers would smile, knowing we did!

No matter what decision, good luck!

Hugs,

Ronda

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A wise lady once told me not to make big decisions whilst grieving and you know what she was right. Just a thought, those things that are causing you distress at the moment may later become a comfort to you later. Take care.

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Thanks for replying to my post...When I moved into the home i have now it was a temporary situation. My was living with me already because I didnt like her living alone and going through all her treatments while my father was "away". We were in the process of buying a bigger house when she got placed on hospice and I didnt want to put her through a move since they only gave her 6-8 weeks. Now it makes it more difficult...We were so excited looking at different places and dreaming of that big yard where she could make her garden and have her swing with a view...Now everytime I start looking again its so painful to know shes not coming with me...Tom marks her 1 month of being gone and it makes this time even worse...I feel stuck...Stuck in this place that never felt like home but at the same time a place that was "ours". Me and her...

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Mmm I can understand the confusion that this would cause in your mind, it is like you have a little battle going on, with what you want and what you need. You know it is really early days, it takes time to settle are you able to stay where you are for a while, before you make the move or do you have to move now, because I do think it would be better to give yourself a little more time, moving is such a stressful time without grief. When my Mum passed we were supposed to be moving but I had to put it on hold. I just could not cope with any more stress. We waited a year, by which time I was able to get on with moving. I do hope that this helps you a little as I can only talk from my own personal situation and what worked for me. Maybe by coming here and typing things out it will get a bit clearer for you. Take care of yourself. hugs.

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I feel like we dont have a choice but to move...I feel like being here is too painful...We moved into a 2 bd because like i mentioned before it was temporary....One room we gave to her and the other was shared by my son,husband and me...So u could imagine its tight...Now we have a completely empty room but I cant bring myself to even go into her room. Let alone move our bed and things over...Its horrible...But trying to find a home is so difficult...Something that is normally so exciting, feels like a drag and nothing seems tointerest me. I dont feel i would be happy anywhere :(

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I do feel for you, you are in a very difficult situation, and I really do hope things work out for you. I have no real words of wisdom for you, I wish I did. I cared for my Dad for two and a half years as my Mum died, Dad has now been gone 7 months and I miss them both so much but I can say that gradually with time I am beginning to smile again, I do not miss them any less, I think I am just learning to live again, this time in a different way, but there will always be a hole in my heart. I do hope that some peace in your heart and mind come to you soon. take care of yourself.

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I'm not sure what you should do, it sounds like both staying and moving are difficult for you. I hope it gets better and would become relatively easy for you to do one of those things. I wish you peace and happiness.

I can relate. Soon after Dad died I got emotional seeing things pertaining to him, such as his clothes and his work place and his desk at his work place. It was me and him living together in a house for years, and the things for the household represented when we lived together.

After Dad died I thought staying at the house where we had lived together for years, would be so depressing, plus, without me stating that, my sister decided on her own that I should stay with her starting immediately. So I moved in with my sister and gradually moved my things to either her apartment or storage. We just got rid of most of the household stuff and my dad's stuff. There is a friend of Dad's who helped a lot about doing that. I got rid of or kept household items, based on need, keeping a few. I'm okay with keeping some of them.

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StillGrievingToday

Hi. I feel your pain. I lost my mom after a five year cancer battle. Within months I tried to run away from the pain by moving far far away and it was a complete disaster. I had been told not to make any major changes/decisions for 1-2 years after such a significant loss but I ignored it. By moving away I lost my support system and put myself in utter isolation. Not only was I grieving mom but add to that grieving the loss of friends dogs and family. It was way too much. Perhaps staying locally for support but changing houses is the answer. Fresh house, start a garden for your mom. I'm sorry I know this is so so hard. Here to talk if you need to.

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