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Lost my close friend


Firemom67

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I lost my closest friend to cancer three months ago. Prior to her diagnosis we did everything together, we talked everyday and we were also neighbors for many years. We spent the year and a half after her diagnosis becoming even closer and finally, I was with her at the time of her passing. For the first couple of months after she passed I think I was in shock, even though I knew her passing was inevitable, nothing prepared me for the reality. Now, I am truly grieving. I miss her so very much. It is so hard to do the things without her that we always did together. I want to pick up the phone and call her. I saved a couple of her voicemails and the other day I listened to one and it was so hard. I wonder if I should delete them. I've only allowed myself a few good cries. But as I type this I am letting go. Maybe because for the first time, I am talking to people who understand. No one in my life understands the pain I struggle with from losing her. When does it get better? I know I will never find another friend like her. I feel so alone now even though I am blessed with a wonderful family. I still need my friend. I didn't realize it would be this hard.

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You will probably always feel some emptiness. But one day, we all will hopefully smile at our memories. For me personally, I feel like a piece of my heart is gone, circumcised, if you will. I know it will always be that way. But, I have to accept. A friend I met on here reccommended buying a pretty journal and writing every memory that comes to me. when I feel lonely I can randomly open the journal and find a memory to read. I would keep the voice mail. It is such a blessing to have. It is healing to cry. so, you cry whenever you feel the need to. Do what you feel you need to do to help you. you are right, no one understands. And they don't. So, do what you need to, not what they think.

dsmurph

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