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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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I am sorry Roxanne must have hit the wrong key. As I was saying I know what you feel at this time in our lives family is supposed to be there. My oldest sister who walked was my best friend (I thought) her oldest son I gave birth to at 16 who she adobted.

He has always known I was his bio mom at the time it was the right thing to do. I don't really know why she walked out other then hear say the she can't deal with the loss my Johnny. I feel she made losing John about her. This month will be 6 months since I lost John, my sister and her family (her son and his family).

Her daughter I am very close to and she is so upset with her mom now she is becoming distance from her..another sad ending.

I have learned that I have a new family which are my friends they have been here for me and have not left.

I understand that the family that is gone are angry with me for many reasons and keep adding more. They disagreed with not wanting my son's girlfriend to go to prison.

They wanted me to gather up all of John's belongings from Iowa and have certain items disbursed. They wanted to know why I gave all of my son's things away. I didn't he left them there with his girlfriend and I am giving her time to grieve and when she is ready they will come to me.

Family they amaze me and disappointed me to the fullest. If they did not walk away as they did and kept in contact with me they would have known this yet they choose to sit where ever and discuss me and all the things that they feel I have done wrong. My answer to that is until they walk in my shoes they have no idea of how and why not much the pain and sorrow.

I went to Iowa and saw Johns things, John is in my broken heart. His things will come later I know this but it won't be what I really want which is my John.

Family.....

loving and missing Johnny forever 22

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hello ,i lost my 21 year old son on jan.31st 2005 it was his 21st birthday.i first came to this site on march 30th but i don't see my post.i returned tonight hoping to read some replies,but i must say i was definently able to relate to many of the postings mainly to Rhonda. Rhonda i feel the same ,like i just want to lay down and die.my son nathan was found dead in a parking lot after leaving a small neighborhood bar,where his friend was working and invited nathan to come down to celebrate his birthday.Nathan left the bar with some guy that he didn't know and when his friend called at 12:30 to see where he was,nathan didn't answer his phone,the rest is a mystery.All i know is my life feels so empty without him ,he was always home, he did everything with us. I think that is another thing that is so hard, it was not like him to go out late at night ,it was a freak thing for him to go out,and look what happened.i am so sorry for everyones losses and i will pray for all.

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i'm sorry my 1st post is on ,i didn't see it at first. thanks again everyone for sharing your stories, it really does help to know there is a place to go where people do really understand your loss and how you are feeling. I will come here often. kathy

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hello ,i lost my 21 year old son on jan.31st 2005 it was his 21st birthday.i first came to this site on march 30th but i don't see my post.i returned tonight hoping to read some replies,but i must say i was definently able to relate to many of the postings mainly to Rhonda. Rhonda i feel the same ,like i just want to lay down and die.my son nathan was found dead in a parking lot after leaving a small neighborhood bar,where his friend was working and invited nathan to come down to celebrate his birthday.Nathan left the bar with some guy that he didn't know and when his friend called at 12:30 to see where he was,nathan didn't answer his phone,the rest is a mystery.All i know is my life feels so empty without him ,he was always home, he did everything with us. I think that is another thing that is so hard, it was not like him to go out late at night ,it was a freak thing for him to go out,and look what happened.i am so sorry for everyones losses and i will pray for all.

Kathy,

You are in my prayers RIGHT now. I am sad that somehow your post was missed earlier. However, that sadness is engulfed in my sorrow over the loss of your Nathan. Please keep writing. Every time I read a post, it is a "nudge" for me to pray for the writer and for the family of the lost child.

The night our son died, I wanted to die when I saw the heart monitor go flat. However, moments later, I knew I had to continue on for my husband, our daughter, our living son, and our grandchildren. It has been two years. This morning I read, "By your endurance, you will gain your lives." I cannot bring our son back to life. But I can endure and maybe, just maybe, regain some of the life I had before he died.

In a few minutes, as soon as it is daylight, I'll run my three miles. I'll continue my prayers for you as I run. Running early in the morning is one of the times I feel closest to God and our son. The sunrises and the clouds are such an inspiration. I pray that someone or something will cross your path today to encourage you.

Your friend from Texas

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Kathy, I am so sorry. It is hard going through this. I know that the circumstances have added to your pain. It is just not fair to have our kids taken from us, especially in such a senseless way. We never know when it is our time, our children should never have had to be the ones to find that out before us.

Just know we are with you in our feelings.

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hello ,i lost my 21 year old son on jan.31st 2005 it was his 21st birthday.i first came to this site on march 30th but i don't see my post.i returned tonight hoping to read some replies,but i must say i was definently able to relate to many of the postings mainly to Rhonda. Rhonda i feel the same ,like i just want to lay down and die.my son nathan was found dead in a parking lot after leaving a small neighborhood bar,where his friend was working and invited nathan to come down to celebrate his birthday.Nathan left the bar with some guy that he didn't know and when his friend called at 12:30 to see where he was,nathan didn't answer his phone,the rest is a mystery.All i know is my life feels so empty without him ,he was always home, he did everything with us. I think that is another thing that is so hard, it was not like him to go out late at night ,it was a freak thing for him to go out,and look what happened.i am so sorry for everyones losses and i will pray for all.

Sorry pressed the wrong button earlier hopefully i am doing this right this time. Just like to say I am truly sorry for your loss Kathy. There has never been anything more terrible ever ever than to lose your child. Not sure how to overcome the feelings we have but maybe we can post and cry together and just be there for each other. I think this site will help alot as only the people that have been threw this can truly understand what we are going threw. Take care and Love Ya all!

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Kathy714,

I am so sorry to learn of your dear son's passing. I feel

for you, (as I know everyone else here does), because we know

first-hand the terrible time you are going through. I hope

that you will return and read & post as you are able. I have

felt like dying so many times since my son died (6/14/03), but

life just goes on, so I have to try to go on too. This site

may be able to give you a bit of a lift--just to know that

there are others who understand your grief. Peace be with you.

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Encouraged,

I'm glad you are still here at this site. Peace be with you.

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thanks everybody for replying,i think it helps knowing that there are people out there that care and understand this terriable pain that we have to go through after losing a child.I remember the first time i heard on the news,they refered to nathan as a 21 year old man.I remember it stopped me in my tracks,i remember thinking "man", Nathan's not a man he's a boy,he's my little boy,even though he was going to be 21 ,he just didn't seem that old to me.Welli don't really know where i'm going with this so i just want to say thanks again for all your messages and replies and you are all in my prayers.

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lindystar002

Hello,

This is my first time here and I hope i am doing this right. My name is Linda, I live in Indiana. My daughter, my only child just died Feb 27th 2005. Her name is Stacy and she was 33 years old. She needed a kidney transplant and went through a lot of pain and suffering. I feel like I don\'t want to go on without her, i just want to be with her. I am going to join a support group, but it doesn\'t start till April 19th. I have a job and i try to keep busy, but i keep thinking about her and I can\'t beleive it happend. I wrote a story called My daughter my friend, I don\'t know how long it takes to post it, and i\'m hoping it will help other people and I hope i will be helped by being here at this site.

I don\'t know what to do, I am just devastated by this.

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thanks everybody for replying,i think it helps knowing that there are people out there that care and understand this terriable pain that we have to go through after losing a child.I remember the first time i heard on the news,they refered to nathan as a 21 year old man.I remember it stopped me in my tracks,i remember thinking "man", Nathan's not a man he's a boy,he's my little boy,even though he was going to be 21 ,he just didn't seem that old to me.Welli don't really know where i'm going with this so i just want to say thanks again for all your messages and replies and you are all in my prayers.

Know exactly how that feels Kathy to have the news playing over and over again the horrific tradgedy of the accident and calling him a 19 year old man felt as if thought this was my baby they were talking about. It was such a sick feeling it felt like a nightmere that you couldn't escape.

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Hello,

This is my first time here and I hope i am doing this right. My name is Linda, I live in Indiana. My daughter, my only child just died Feb 27th 2005. Her name is Stacy and she was 33 years old. She needed a kidney transplant and went through a lot of pain and suffering. I feel like I don\'t want to go on without her, i just want to be with her. I am going to join a support group, but it doesn\'t start till April 19th. I have a job and i try to keep busy, but i keep thinking about her and I can\'t beleive it happend. I wrote a story called My daughter my friend, I don\'t know how long it takes to post it, and i\'m hoping it will help other people and I hope i will be helped by being here at this site.

I don\'t know what to do, I am just devastated by this.

Linda - aka lindystar002,

You are doing this "exactly" right. Those of us who have lost an adult child understand. You are also right by writing Stacy's story. Just keep writing and reaching out. Eventually, relief will come. For now, know that the rest of us will listen. We care.

Your friend from Texas

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Hello,

This is my first time here and I hope i am doing this right. My name is Linda, I live in Indiana. My daughter, my only child just died Feb 27th 2005. Her name is Stacy and she was 33 years old. She needed a kidney transplant and went through a lot of pain and suffering. I feel like I don't want to go on without her, i just want to be with her. I am going to join a support group, but it doesn't start till April 19th. I have a job and i try to keep busy, but i keep thinking about her and I can't beleive it happend. I wrote a story called My daughter my friend, I don't know how long it takes to post it, and i'm hoping it will help other people and I hope i will be helped by being here at this site.

I don't know what to do, I am just devastated by this.

Hello Lindy I am very sorry about the loss of your daughter. I am not sure what to tell you only that I understand this pain. I am very devastated and at times have thought about taking my own life just don't know how I am suppose to live without my son. The only thing that keeps me going is my youngest son who is 15 and I am petrified of having something happen to him but try to stay calm with him. This is my first week back to work I am doing it but with great difficulty. It seems as if no one understands I am feeling so horrible and very tired. My boyfriend told me last night I try to get you to do something and you just want to sit and mope around. I can't help it!!! Its just so much of an effort even doing the things you have to do. Oh well guess this is a good test if I really want to marry the guy and right now I am not sure.

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lindystar002

Hi,

Thank you for making me feel welcomed here, I am sorry for your loss. You are right no one does understand how we feel, because they have never experienced it.

It seems like people think we should start feeling better right away, but it does not work like that. I don\'t think I will ever be happy again and I sure don\'t feel like I have any reason to go on with my life. I went to Stacy\'s apartment the other day, and her boyfriend has gotten rid of all her stuff and changed the furniture around. It\'s almost like she didn\'t even exist.

I know he is having a hard time dealing with it too, he is the one that found her. He tried to give her CPR and called 911, but it was too late to get help.

It really bothers me that she died alone, I don\'t blame Jason or anything, I just wish i could have said good-bye to her.

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lindystar002
Hello,

This is my first time here and I hope i am doing this right. My name is Linda, I live in Indiana. My daughter, my only child just died Feb 27th 2005. Her name is Stacy and she was 33 years old. She needed a kidney transplant and went through a lot of pain and suffering. I feel like I don't want to go on without her, i just want to be with her. I am going to join a support group, but it doesn't start till April 19th. I have a job and i try to keep busy, but i keep thinking about her and I can't beleive it happend. I wrote a story called My daughter my friend, I don't know how long it takes to post it, and i'm hoping it will help other people and I hope i will be helped by being here at this site.

I don't know what to do, I am just devastated by this.

Linda - aka lindystar002,

You are doing this "exactly" right. Those of us who have lost an adult child understand. You are also right by writing Stacy's story. Just keep writing and reaching out. Eventually, relief will come. For now, know that the rest of us will listen. We care.

Your friend from Texas

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momofJustin
Hello,

This is my first time here and I hope i am doing this right. My name is Linda, I live in Indiana. My daughter, my only child just died Feb 27th 2005. Her name is Stacy and she was 33 years old. She needed a kidney transplant and went through a lot of pain and suffering. I feel like I don't want to go on without her, i just want to be with her. I am going to join a support group, but it doesn't start till April 19th. I have a job and i try to keep busy, but i keep thinking about her and I can't beleive it happend. I wrote a story called My daughter my friend, I don't know how long it takes to post it, and i'm hoping it will help other people and I hope i will be helped by being here at this site.

I don't know what to do, I am just devastated by this.

lindystar002,

Just wanted to say hello to you. I am also from Indiana. My 15 year old son Justin died in Jan.04 from acute heart transplant rejection. He was at Riley Hosp for 3 months in ICU. I saw him go through so much pain and sufferring in ICU waiting to get a 2nd heart transplant. He died from many complications before he ever got listed for a 2nd heart transplant. I know how you feel about the pain of watching our kids suffer. I don't know how I have made it this far in my grief. I guess you just have to take one day at a time.

I also wanted to tell you that my only surviving child, my daughter, her name is Stacey. Stacey's birthday is February 27th. We have some strange things in common, don't you think?

Stacey watched my son go through all the terrible things in the hospital as well for 3 months. It has been hard on all of us to try and block those terrible painful memories out. I miss him so much. I so wish it was all just a bad dream. I seem to cope the best when I keep myself really busy.

Take Care,

Justin's Mom Forever

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Light A Candle for Pope John Paul II

Pope John Paul II has touched the hearts of many as he has traveled the world with his message of peace, hope and harmony. He is a man loved by many and has been the beacon of light for the followers of the Catholic Faith. Even non-Catholics have appreciated the deepness of his devotion. We note his passing in sadness and invite people of all faiths to Light A Candle to carry on his message of peace, hope and harmony.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/beyondtalk/lightacandle.php

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Lindystar, & Mom of Justin, You two have unique similarities.....Maybe you will be able to help each other some. Sharing things that you have suffered on similar terms is often the best help.

Sorry for both of your young losses. Come here, it is such a helpful place, I know it helped me tons!

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lindystar002
Hello,

This is my first time here and I hope i am doing this right. My name is Linda, I live in Indiana. My daughter, my only child just died Feb 27th 2005. Her name is Stacy and she was 33 years old. She needed a kidney transplant and went through a lot of pain and suffering. I feel like I don't want to go on without her, i just want to be with her. I am going to join a support group, but it doesn't start till April 19th. I have a job and i try to keep busy, but i keep thinking about her and I can't beleive it happend. I wrote a story called My daughter my friend, I don't know how long it takes to post it, and i'm hoping it will help other people and I hope i will be helped by being here at this site.

I don't know what to do, I am just devastated by this.

lindystar002,

Just wanted to say hello to you. I am also from Indiana. My 15 year old son Justin died in Jan.04 from acute heart transplant rejection. He was at Riley Hosp for 3 months in ICU. I saw him go through so much pain and sufferring in ICU waiting to get a 2nd heart transplant. He died from many complications before he ever got listed for a 2nd heart transplant. I know how you feel about the pain of watching our kids suffer. I don't know how I have made it this far in my grief. I guess you just have to take one day at a time.

I also wanted to tell you that my only surviving child, my daughter, her name is Stacey. Stacey's birthday is February 27th. We have some strange things in common, don't you think?

Stacey watched my son go through all the terrible things in the hospital as well for 3 months. It has been hard on all of us to try and block those terrible painful memories out. I miss him so much. I so wish it was all just a bad dream. I seem to cope the best when I keep myself really busy.

Take Care,

Justin's Mom Forever

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lindystar002

MomofJustin,

It is good to meet you but not under these circumstances. It is strange the way our stories our similar. My daughter Stacy died on your daughter Stacey's birthday, and we both live in Indiana, and both of our kids needed a transplant. Maybe we can somehow help each other.

People keep telling me it will get better, but it doesn't seem like it ever will. I just can't imagine my life without her. I am sure you feel the same way about Justin. It seems like the time moves very slow and I would rather die myself then live the rest of my life without her.

It is bad when we have to watch our kids suffer and go through so much pain. It really makes you wonder what purpose it serve. I don't understand how anyone gets through this

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momofJustin

lindystar002,

I believe your loss is newer than mine. Your Stacy died not too long ago. Justin died January 9, 2004. So it has been a year and 3 months for me. Let me tell you I have went through some gut-wrenching terrible emotions. For the first year I thought I would never stop crying. And I could not get the terrible images of Justin in Riley Hospital out of my head. Now at this phase, most of the time I feel numb. It may sound awful but the only way I function is to chase all those horrible thoughts out of my head. But by doing that I can't even allow good memories in. It just hurts too much.

Justin had a heart transplant when he was 7 years old. He was born with complex heart problems. We were constantly making trips to Indianapolis for checkups. He did pretty well with his heart transplant up until October of 2003. Then he got a virus that shut his kidneys down, caused heart failure, and many, many other terrible complications. He fought to live for 3 months at Riley, but sepsis overcame him in January. He would have had to have a kidney transplant as well a 2nd heart transplant. So much for a 15 year old boy to live through.

Anyway, write again. It's nice to have so much in common, even though the reason we do stinks.

Mom of Justin

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hi everyone,once again it is 3:30 am and i can't sleep so i thought i would sign on to get some relief by sharing .Rhonda i give you credit for going back to work i am do to go back and i'm scared to death. i don't have the energy to get up and get dressed most days or do i feel like facing people.People tell me all the time,it will be good for you, it will take your mind off it.Ifeel like screaming,its been 2 months, and feels like yesterday.i think about Nathan 24/7,i really don't think work will get my mind off nathan's death,plus i work in a ER.Lindystar,i am also sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter,iam sorry for everyone here that has lost the children , its not right our kids are not suppose to die before us.Iam usually a stong person but this has really knocked me down and i think i'll be down for a long time. Until next time everyone tc and your in my prayers

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hi everyone,once again it is 3:30 am and i can't sleep so i thought i would sign on to get some relief by sharing .Rhonda i give you credit for going back to work i am do to go back and i'm scared to death. i don't have the energy to get up and get dressed most days or do i feel like facing people.People tell me all the time,it will be good for you, it will take your mind off it.Ifeel like screaming,its been 2 months, and feels like yesterday.i think about Nathan 24/7,i really don't think work will get my mind off nathan's death,plus i work in a ER.Lindystar,i am also sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter,iam sorry for everyone here that has lost the children , its not right our kids are not suppose to die before us.Iam usually a stong person but this has really knocked me down and i think i'll be down for a long time. Until next time everyone tc and your in my prayers

kathy714,

What you said makes complete sense to me! It's been two years since our son died. Yesterday was the date of his funeral. My husband and I built a patio in our back yard. We worked all day and fell into bed exhausted. It has been over two years since I have slept more than four or five hours at night. This past week, I have finally begun to sleep longer.

Listen to your own heart and to God. Others mean well, but no one -- no one can understand your broken heart. Friends, physicians, family, clergy have tried to help me. God, my husband, our children, and a couple of true friends are able to comfort my broken heart.

Please take care of yourself. Do what you know you need to do. Try not to let the well-intentioned comments of friends concern you.

Your friend from Texas

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Hello everyone! Kathy it was very hard to go to work and I feel the same way just don't want to look at people I also work in the hospital setting so it has been uncomfortable for me and I just want to scream. No one should be telling you what to do I got alot of that too you should do this you should do that. Nothing helps I miss my boy so much. I take comfort in people who have been in this situation as only they can truly understand the pain. I am finding this site is helping me somewhat but I am feeling so empty and lost. Its so hard to cope with life and i can barely stand to do it.

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Okay, I need someone to help snap me back!! I have gotten myself into a rut where I keep having thoughts of Chad's last concsious moments. I can't keep it out of my head. I have had a lock on the subject for most of these 3 years, it it would rise in my thoughts I would shut it down. My son 27 had been a Quad for 2 years, but was very active, drove a fancy pickup, worked, went out with friends, never "sat still!" He had adjusted the best he could to living as normal a life as he could being in a wheel chair, and limited use of his hands.....He was very courageous and unbelieveably accepting. So loving, kind, thoughtful, sensitive.... I had been his main caregiver, but had others who were there too, I went on Vacation on a Sun. and on Tues. he woke with feeling achey, got up felt bad and wanted to go back to bed, which should have been an alert that something was seriously wrong. By 3pm he was having trouble breathing, so his sister called her Dad and my co-worker a nurse to come. By the time my dear friend got their he was in big trouble breathing.....

and shortly, respiratory arrested, had a seizure and never really came back. This week, while talking to my friend, I finally asked a few questions about Chad before he went out...she said he couldn't get his breath and knew he was in serious trouble and she feels he knew he was going to die.....

Now, I'm like obsessed with it....We don't want our kids to have suffered or been afraid. What the heck am I doing...3years later! I know I will dig myself out of this, but I wish someone would just slap me back, right now!!

I have such a deep belief in God and so did Chad, actually quite a mature belief, so I think that is how I have healed from his death. Believing he is in a better place, and now running again, using his hands etc....

Well, actually, I feel a little better just writing this....

Also, you new Mom's who have loss.....no one can plot out how you will respond to this horrible loss, or at what point you will be at when!! I know it is normal to want to just close yourself up and think....and be left alone....

But, we can't shut down for too long....most of us have other loved ones that need us, and as difficult as it is to pick up and try to carry on to some degree, a little at a time does help....Protect yourself, and do what you feel you can handle at the time......

Thanks for any kind words, or lectures you send my way!! Linda

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Well Mazey2 someone mailed this card to me and when I have a really difficult time, I pull it out and read and re-read it. I would like to share it with you.

Safely Home

I am home in Heaven, dear ones;

Oh, so happy and so bright!

There is perfect joy and beauty

In this everlasting light.

All the pain and grief is over

Every restless tossing passed;

I am now at peace forever,

Safely home in Heaven at last.

Did you wonder I so calmly

Trod the valley of the shade?

Oh! but Jesus' love illumined

Every dark and fearful glade.

And He came Himself to meet me

In that way so hard to tread;

And with Jesus' arm to lean on,

Could I have one doubt or dread?

Then you must not grieve so sorely,

For I love you dearly still;

Try to look beyond earth's shadows,

Pray to trust our Father's Will.

There is work still waiting for you,

So you must not idly stand;

Do it now, while life remaineth -

You shall rest in Jesus' land.

When that work is all completed,

He will gently call you Home,

Oh, the rapture of that meeting,

Oh, the joy to see you come!

Our children would want us to find some solace and peace within ourselves as difficult as that may be. They would be saddened to know that we grieve so.

Barb

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Okay, I need someone to help snap me back!! I have gotten myself into a rut where I keep having thoughts of Chad's last concsious moments. I can't keep it out of my head. I have had a lock on the subject for most of these 3 years, it it would rise in my thoughts I would shut it down. My son 27 had been a Quad for 2 years, but was very active, drove a fancy pickup, worked, went out with friends, never "sat still!" He had adjusted the best he could to living as normal a life as he could being in a wheel chair, and limited use of his hands.....He was very courageous and unbelieveably accepting. So loving, kind, thoughtful, sensitive.... I had been his main caregiver, but had others who were there too, I went on Vacation on a Sun. and on Tues. he woke with feeling achey, got up felt bad and wanted to go back to bed, which should have been an alert that something was seriously wrong. By 3pm he was having trouble breathing, so his sister called her Dad and my co-worker a nurse to come. By the time my dear friend got their he was in big trouble breathing.....

and shortly, respiratory arrested, had a seizure and never really came back. This week, while talking to my friend, I finally asked a few questions about Chad before he went out...she said he couldn't get his breath and knew he was in serious trouble and she feels he knew he was going to die.....

Now, I'm like obsessed with it....We don't want our kids to have suffered or been afraid. What the heck am I doing...3years later! I know I will dig myself out of this, but I wish someone would just slap me back, right now!!

I have such a deep belief in God and so did Chad, actually quite a mature belief, so I think that is how I have healed from his death. Believing he is in a better place, and now running again, using his hands etc....

Well, actually, I feel a little better just writing this....

Also, you new Mom's who have loss.....no one can plot out how you will respond to this horrible loss, or at what point you will be at when!! I know it is normal to want to just close yourself up and think....and be left alone....

But, we can't shut down for too long....most of us have other loved ones that need us, and as difficult as it is to pick up and try to carry on to some degree, a little at a time does help....Protect yourself, and do what you feel you can handle at the time......

Thanks for any kind words, or lectures you send my way!! Linda

Dear Mazey2 - Linda,

Kind words, but no lectures, is what I want to send.

I, too, have flashbacks of the horrible death our son experienced. Our daughter, who is a grief counselor, tells me that it is all right to let the thought come into my mind. But she tells me that I DO NOT need to let my thoughts stay there very long and dwell on the sadness. That is difficult to do. However, I try and most of the time I am successful.

One thing that I have forced myself to do is to invite people whom I can trust with my feelings and my emotions to our home. It has been difficult, but it has given me a little control over my life about who I let into my sorrow. Many people cannot stand my sadness and loss. For the ones who can, I try to not burden them too much.

Chad sounds wonderful. That's one of the reasons we miss our sons so much. They were wonderful young men who had so much potential. That is part of what hurts -- to think that they aren't able to do some of the things they wanted to do in life. For now, I'm trying to make the most out of the life I have been given. Gladly would I have given my life for my son. However, that was not to be.

Usually when I find myself needing to "snap back" is when I am tired, am over-committed, or just need to share with someone close to me that I need some attention. I hope there is someone close to you who will listen. If not, just keep writing. I'm "listening" and there are probably countless others here who are "listening" as well.

Take care,

Your friend from Texas

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You know when some one is in an accident and the police always say they died instantly.At least thats what they told me about my son but I contiually find myself wondering if he knew what was happening and it really haunts me.I have thought of enlisting the aid of a psychic to find out what happened.Has anyone done this?I just want to know if he was afraid or what.I'm very skeptical about those guys but that's how desperate I am.His birthday is coming up soon and each day gets tougher and tougher.

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Briansdad

My daughter was in an auto accident where she suffered a severe head injury and was unconscious for 3 days. During those days she had only limited brain activity and could not sustain her own life. She was pronounced brain dead the third day. I too have wondered what went through her mind as the accident was taking place. Did she suffer extreme pain? Was she thinking about her child in the back seat? Did she have time to think at all? My son is going to pay for me to see a medium and maybe these questions will be answered? Maybe not! I have to try for myself. This is her web site - http://www.vickimonroe.com/.

I have had the opportunity to listen to her live every Thursday morning on the radio for over a year. She appears legit. I would be glad to let you know how it goes but it won't be for a couple months.

Barb

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Briansdad and Barb - my daughter too died in an auto accident and I always wonder what her final thoughts were. Again, we were told she died instantly but to the day I leave this earth her final moments will haunt me. She was in a brand new car, my husband feels maybe something mechanical went wrong, but we didn't have the wearwithall to pursue it.

Peace to all. Julsmom

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heartbrokendad

Briansdad,

I have been to two mediums, have not been very excited by eother one. One was a private session, a complete waist of time, not to mention money, the other was a group session, with about 15 people. It became obvious that all these people wanted to hear from their parents, and the "medium" caterd to them, I was with another grieving parent, and the medium never even talked to us.

Try it for yourself though.

I went there thinking that, having lost my oldest and youngest child, one of them would get through. I was kind of dissapointed. Maybe they are busy playing in the clouds...

Peace to you

Carrie and Matthews dad

Stu

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I can so relate to all of you. They told me my son was killed instantly he was in a car and a semi hit him he also flew out of the car. It haunts me so bad wondering if he knew anything and just picturing him laying in the ditch and I wasn't there to hold him. I just about drive myself nuts and wish I could get this picture out of my head. I will never forget those haunting words with the phone call at 4 am he has been killed. Love you guys think of you often.

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I am sorry I brought up such a terribly painful subject...I just was losing it tho, and had to get it out! WE all know how it can be, sometimes just unbearable, recognize....even 3 years down the road.....!!! Emotions are deep.

Thanks for support from others....I love that we can email each other. Sometimes, that is such a good thing, then we don't burden all the readers....

I also, am trying to quit smoking after 30+ years, and finding it a little stressful, so you are right Encourage, I might have had too much on my plate!

Thanks....

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to briansdad and brin3d, if you are to pursue a medium, please do research on that person first. make sure they are legit. do not give them ANY info before the reading. they should only need a first name of your loved one, nothing else. give them only yes or no answers during the reading. save your detailed answers for after. also, if their fee is very high be careful. usually legit mediums are asking a reasonable price, example $50 to $100 depending on your location. the medium should tape the reading for you or you should be allowed to tape it. i have had several readings on several different people and 2 animals and i have been pleased with all of them.

to heartbrokendad, i'm sorry that your experience was not as possitive as you had hoped. it could be for several different reasons such as the medium was not legit, your loved one was not able to get thru at that time, your personal expectations were to high. whatever the reason, i can see that you are disappointed in the outcome. it does take alot of energy for your loved ones to come thru. maybe at that time, your loved one had not rested long enough to build up enough energy to come thru then. don't give up. keep talking to them and praying for them. it will happen. try not go have any expectations of what the reading/outcome will be like. go with an open mind and an open heart and be happy to recieve whatever message is given to you from your loved one. sometimes we are given messages that we NEED to hear but we were WANTING to hear something else. i have a friend that is a medium and she is very good. she has helped police with murder cases. if you or anyone would like to contact me feel free and i will give you her info. thanks heather

heather_od2002@yahoo.com

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We are coming up to the 1st anniversay of our daughters death. We are both taking off work that day and will visit the grave. I'm not sure what else we will do that day. I too relive the accident even though I wasn't there. There isn't a day goes by and I don't envision the car rolling and her being thrown out with the car on top of her. Thanks for listening to me. Danielle was 22.

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hello everyone, everytime i come to this web site i always can relate to so many of the messages and thats why i find so much comfort here. I to am always imagining what my sons final moments were like before he died,there are so many unanswered questions,because we don't really know what happened to him,except he was found dead in a parking lot and medical examiner report states hypothemia.something in my head just keeps noring at me saying foul play,i think someone out there knows something and is not coming clean.I to would like to seek out a medium to try to get some kind of answers.Ito pray everyday that my son Nathan didn't suffer.i to am always having visions of nate and what he might of gone through, the detectives have been very nice to us and seem to really working on the case but they keep running into dead ends, and unless someone comes forward maybe because of guilt, idon't think i'll ever know what happened. T/C all,your in my prayers

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Kathy, How VERY frustrating!! You know we all feel frustration from losing our kids, most of the time tho there is some tangible reason..eg: illness, accident. What you are going thru is awful!! The mystery???? A Policeman, a long time ago, told me eventually most crimes/mysterious things are found out, cuz the culprit talks to someone and it comes out. I don't know if that offers any peace or not....Sharing, Linda

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lindystar002

It hasn't been two months for me and i feel like things are geting worse and not better. When I think that i have to live the rest of my life without Stacy, i just know i can't do it. Its too hard.

I try to go out and do things but it just doesn't help I don't know what to do.

I work in a hospital also, in ER. I can't hardly stand it when someone dies in there, I just want to run and hide. I am hoping it will help me to talk to all of you and share what we are feeling

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lindystar002

I have to say that I can understand what you are going through with your work. I went back to work after a month Although I didn't work in an ER, I worked in a nursing home where people that you saw each day and became attached to ultimately died. I was the one that sit with them and held their hand until their family came to be with them. I was the one who sat with the ones that had no one. I watched them take their last breath many times. After sitting in the hospital with my daughter for three days and holding her hand and watching her slowly lose her battle to live, I had a really hard time each time an elderly resident died. I could no longer sit and hold their hand because the emotions were so overwhelming. I finally made a move from the nursing home to a head start program working with children. I had to for my own sanity.

It was a good move and even though I took a large pay cut, I had to make the decision for myself. I hope you find what you need to keep going. My daughter died in July 2003 and I still have strong, overwhelming emotions each time I think of her (which is often) because I have her daughter that just turned three in March. Her daughter looks and acts just like her mother did at that age. I have a great gift given to me that only my daughter could give to me. And even though each day is a struggle, I somehow make it another day. Day by day.

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To all who have said that the death of their child haunts us.

I also wonder whether my son, David, ever knew what hit him

when he was killed in a traffic accident. We were also assured

that he was always unconsious. Of course when we hear this, we

still have those nagging doubts. The State Patrol had to have

a "Jaws of Life" to cut the car in order to rescue my son. It

is so hard to keep wondering about all this.

Rhonda68,

Our situations have similarities---my son was killed by a

runaway semi when the driver fell asleep at the wheel. As you

say---so many unanswered questions we all have. I guess many

of our questions will always remain a mystery.

Peace to everyone.

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Can someone please help. I am feeling very awful tonight. I am so irratable and just want to die I have never felt like this for so long. It feels like years since I have seen my boy and its only been just over 1 month just so overwhelmed I just want to go be with him. Don't know if I can hold on much longer.

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Rhonda writes:

Can someone please help. I am feeling very awful tonight. I am so irratable and just want to die I have never felt like this for so long. It feels like years since I have seen my boy and its only been just over 1 month just so overwhelmed I just want to go be with him. Don\'t know if I can hold on much longer.

Rhonda,

How I wish I could help you. But, I don't know how. I will pray that you will feel better by the time this message reaches you. As soon as possible, perhaps you could call a trusted friend, your physician, or your clergy. Surely, one of them can give you some encouragement and help. In the meantime, keep writing and letting us know how you are feeling. I care, and others do, too.

Your Texas friend

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rhonda68, in the beginning all hope seems to be lost, but it isn't. We all feel as though there is such an emptiness that we will never be able to fill it again, but that feeling can subside in time. In the beginning all we have is time and our minds think of our children constantly without a break. It seems as if we are to explode from the constant thoughts of our children and what we have lost. We have to continue for them though and although that sounds trite, at moments like these, in time we come to realize that is what we must do. We know in our hearts that our children would want what is good for us and would feel terrible if they knew that what happened to them has caused us such pain. If they are watching us, which I feel they do, they would want to help us, but where they are now they can't. We can only feel them in our hearts, just as they can feel us in their souls. It isn't easy in the beginning, it is very, very hard, but we must go on, we must keep alive all that is our children. I know how hard that is and know that it takes time, even with time we still don't understand, but the pain, suffering and hopelessness does get better, we are able to cope, we are able to move toward a better feeling. Please don't give up, keep holding on, life is a gift. We understand that ever so much after losing a child. It really is the hardest thing any human ever has to go through. Jim

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hi rhonda, i can defentently relate to the pain you are going through. my son nathan was one of those kids that was always home and his friends hung around my backyard,so everyday feels so empty and quiet. My husband and i are so depressed that we hardly even talk.The pain hurts so much i actually ache.What does help though is my husband and i are going for conciling and she makes my husband talk because he holds everything in and i worry so much about him, he has cancer and is on chemo and i just pray everyday that he doesn't lose his will to live. i would just lay down and die if anything happened to him too. T/C ALL, Rhonda try to find some kind of support group ,i think it will help. I will pray for you.

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Hello guys thanks for the replys again it helps alot. I am not having a good day I went and bought a bottle of wine just want the pain to go away for awhile. I got something in the mail again that says in the estate of the late Richard Bennett its just so upsetting it just feels like writing him off. I just want to kiss him and hug him and tell him I Love Him! He was only 19 I need to protect him. Just not finding any happiness whatsoever. I wish I could just crawl in a hole and never have to look at anyone again. My ex and his family are giving me all sorts of trouble. My ex refuses to pay for anything to do with the funeral. The wrest of his family are being complete jerks even after trying to be nice to them. When I deal with all of this i am going to let them have it and then I want nothing more to do with them.

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Rhonda68, one always feels that family should understand, but I am coming to find out that is something different between families. I guess I was lucky in a way, but to be honest, although I feel close to my family when they are around, when we are apart I wish for more. Losing a child is so mentally destructive for the parents and not being together seems to make that even worse. I can tell you this though, when things are settled, if that is ever possible, I too would tell them how I feel about them and then walk away. It is so sad when those that should support us can't even find it in their hearts to even understand a little.

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lindystar002

Brin3d,

Thank you for your kind words. Each day i wake up and I know I am suppose to go on alone. I can't bear to think of my life without her in it.

I have to learn how I guess.

I don't think I will ever be happy again. I will hate to feel this way forever.

Sometimes i really hate working in the hospital, there is a lot of suffering there, but i can't start over again. I just started this job 8 months ago.

I am trying to think of soething I can do to bring a littles happiness but I can't right now.

Our kids we lost would not want us to be so unhappy but right now we can't help it

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lindystar2

Just wanted to let you know that I am the one on the other site where Stacy's photo's are posted. I am Darcia's mother. Her photos with her daughter are the other ones on the site. If I can be of any help please email me anytime. The first months were so tough always hoping it was just a bad dream and then the reality settling in and the overwelming emotions of the facts that somehow had to be faced. I don't miss her any less today than I did then but I have somehow faced the facts that I have to go forward without her physically in my life. Emotionally she will always be very much a part of who I am and because of her I am a better person today. I also have to have the belief that I will someday see her again. If I lost that hope than there would nothing left. I know also in my heart that my daughter would not want me to feel so overwhelmed and sad but it is impossible at this point in my life to not feel that way from time to time and sometimes for many hours or days. It is part of being a loving parent that would do anything for their children including giving their own life to save their childs life.

Again, if you just need to talk, feel free to email me anytime.

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Hi Everyone,

I have been quiet lately, April is bitter-sweet. It was Erica's 21st birthday on the 4th. She was born on 4-4-84. I really kind of came undone the week prior.We had a gathering on the 3rd, many of her firiends that go to local colleges came, my friends, my son and his friends, and lots of Eri's cousins. this was the second birthday without her. She loved her birthday, she loved gifts. On her 19th, I drove to Kalamazoo Michigan to spend the day with her. I brought a shopping bag of gifts, she was thrilled. I loved shopping for my girl. Sounds so frivilous, but it was just such fun picking out things that might delight her. That was in 2003. Since July of 03 when she was killed, (it shocks me sometimes t say that, killed), i go in the stores Eri loved, just to get a sense of her there, of the laughter we shared in those places. Sometimes i cry, sometimes i feel she is there with me, and sometimes i find i am looking for her in the voices and giggles of young girls.

For the mom that wrote that it is not better 2months later, please go lightly as 2345 months is very early in this journey. You may feel it has been years since you last saw your baby, that is normal for most of us. I know one of the hardest times for me was around the 4th month, just cause all the shock that i didn't even know was still there had worn away leaving me quite raw. This place saw me through my hardest times, the people here. I thank you all for the support, and now i know as several of you have stated, that we do get through it, never over it, but learn to live with the facts of this sadness. In time you may think of ways that provide you some sense of peace, a living memorial perhaps, a fund in his name at the school that he attended, a donation of books using a bookplate with your childs name in each; donated in loving memory of _____________________. Sometimes just knowing that someone reads my daughter's name on a plaque near one of two trees planted in town (Oak Park, illinois)gives my heart an extra hug. The name of my girl goes on and in her name i go on.

peace to you all

dee

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