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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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louann how thoughtful to give that peace of mind to your dad, I am sure he feels better and knows Kira will come and take him when his time comes. peace of mind is so important as often people are afraid of dying and he knows he will not be alone. He will look after Kira too. You are right you have to be here for the boys and your husband.

susan hope your surgery goes well thinking of you.

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Thanks dee and lesley. I just read your words to my mom and sisters. Just what they needed to hear. We are sitting with him now. He has drowsed off now but we have all said our goodbyes. He said it his his turn to go and he will look after kira. I cant help but wish it wish my turn. I cant believe the peace that came over him to know kira would be waiting. They have stopped iv and antibiotics. Thanks yor yourr support. I just wanted to talk to my friend's.

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Louanne (forgive spelling if wrong), you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

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I have a little story to share that I hope will help to give comfort. Towards the end of my MIL's life she went into the hospital for what we thought would be a short period of time. She had always been a very strong willed woman and very stubborn. She also did not really have any faith that she could cling to for support. They told us that she would not live long. It could be any day or at most a week or so. Well, it turned into two months. She was afraid to let go.

She was in a private room for palliative patients on a floor for the dying. The level of care she received was outstanding. They kept her as comfortable as possible. A few days before she died she mentioned that two people kept coming to her room to talk to her. They told her they were there to help her. She asked them to leave and informed them that she was not going anywhere! Still, they persisted. She asked for the nurse and complained about them. She asked to have them banned from her room. She thought they were from religious group of some kind. Another day she called the nurse and told her that Jeff was there and asked if she would escort him out of the  hospital... as he had told her it was the first time he had been in that hospital. Jeff had been dead for a period of time at that point. She said she had a lovely visit with him and he told her he would come back to be with her. She was concerned that he would get lost when leaving! The nurses told us they heard these stories all of the time on that ward. Was it the meds? I honestly do not think so. My MIL because she was afraid of dying clung to life out of fear. When she finally felt confident that Jeff was there to be with her she was able to leave in some form of peace. I am a firm believer that we all have guides to help us to cross over. 

LouAnn, your father will be welcomed with love and open arms by all whose lives he touched in a loving way. Kira will most definitely be standing up front and center.

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Susan, sending good wishes that your operation will be a successful one. I will most definitely be thinking of you. Good luck... and when you are able... please let us know how you are doing. 

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Susan, prayers and the most positive thoughts being sent to you for your recovery.  Take care my friend.

Kate, Luanne, the story of your motherinlaw is wonderful.  Something similar happened to me and I have told this story here previously.  I was with a woman who was like (even better) a mother to me,  I have never seen or experienced something so incredible.  She was in the hospital dying.  I will condense this  but at one point she acknowledged her mother, sister, brother in her room.  They had died many years ago.  She told them she would be coming soon.  The entire experience was surreal and if I did not have faith I would have gotten it then.  I have seen my share of people die when I worked on the clinical side in the hospital.  Never experienced anything like that.  Luanne, Kira will be there for your dad.  You and your family are also in my thoughts and prayers.

 

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I am off to bed but must comment on these lovely stories that affirm what many of us believe; there is another place and that is where our beloved people are...people are helped to cross that thin line of here...and there. Peace All.

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Thinking of you Louanne..   I know it is a difficult time even when you think your ready..  no words help but know we are all here.

 

I haven't been feeling to well...  I think I have been out and about to much, my lungs just aren't getting better this time.  I think it will be another visit to the dr.  It has been nice having Sena here.  on the 18 of January they want me to go to court for guardianship.  It is a big step to take but I guess I will do it.. I want so much to do right by her.

Thinking of you all.. just not up to writing... thanks to all those who wished me well with my health and Sena..  all the thoughts and prayers are so very much appreciated.  

Hopefully I will feel better and write more at another time.. Bless you all

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Leah, I really hope that with rest and the proper meds you will soon be on the mend. Your lung condition sounds as if it is really taking a toll on you. Please take good care of yourself.

Susan, I'm hoping that you will soon be back up on your feet and feeling like your old self soon. Positive wishes for a really speedy recovery!

Dang.... it's cold out there today!!! There is cold... and then there is another level of cold. This has reached the other level. As I write this it is now -40C/40F. Something you may want to check out is what is called the Raw Almond Dining experience on their web site.. It is held in Winnipeg, Gimli, and Churchill, Manitoba. Held over a period of a week in each place. They hold the event in a heated pop up building either on the river in Winnipeg and in our case Lake Winnipeg. High end chefs have come from all over the world to cook for a period of two days each to cook for approximately 100 people a seating. There are two seatings per night. Quite a unique dining experience for the fun lover. The high today is -30C. How can anyone call that a high? They are sold out for all seatings and tonight I'm sure will not disappoint.

LouAnn, my thoughts are sent your way and wish your Dad a peaceful passing.

Love to All, Kate

p.s Niagara Falls froze last night! Gotta love Global warming.

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kate and dianne lovely affirming stories that prove without doubt we never die alone and are reunited with past loved ones. Louann the important thing is not to die in fear and you took the fear away for your dad so he is getting ready to go peacefully. When I was a nurse there were some patients who needed to be told it was ok to go and just reassured with a held hand or stroked forehead and they immediately relaxed and slipped away. It is us left behind who don't want them to go but love is the strongest emotion and if you help your loved one go in peace that is a great gift. i hope it won't be too long becaase the waiting is the worst part for family as some of you can attest. When it is an older person it makes it a little easier because they had a full life and achieved some of their dreams and raised families, unlike our children who were taken abruptly without warning when they had not even begun reaching their potential. I am by no means saying it is easy to lose a parent i cannot even think of that day but it is more fair and you had said your dad had been declining Louann. I will be thinking of you during this difficult time and know you will be a great source of comfort to your family.

leah my thoughts are with you and the upcoming guardianship. You will need all the strength you can get so please take care of your self and see the doctor. Winter is tough on joints and chests.

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Hello  to  all  INDIGOS.  (I'm hopelessly behind on BI, but have been reading quite a bit.) 

Kate------thank you for the story of your mother-in-law's visions of Jeff and his words to her.

I am a firm believer that it is not the meds that cause dying people to feel the presence of

loved ones who have passed before.  Your mother-in-law was somewhat like my mother,

who died at age 96 in 2016.  She, too, was a very strong willed & stubborn woman without a 

real strong religious conviction. As she was in her last 8 days, she was mostly out of consiousness,

but started softly calling to my Grandma who had passed many years before.  When my mom

was not ready to go.......I believe my grandma helped her to just pass peacefully.

 

Mama Bear----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, Shelby, and her sweet infant boy.

As others have said,  your loss is so very recent, and words seem so empty.   But,  just knowing

that there are others here who understand, and walk with you on this unwanted, but irreversible

journey can lighten the load a bit.  Please come back to this site.

 

I think that a lot of us are under the blast from 'Ole Man Winter'.........lots of snow and wind.  

 

Dee----When we saw on the Weather Channel recently that your area was getting hit......we knew

we were in for it. :)   It's a lovely scene outside, though,.......and a White Christmas is always welcome.

Our lane was drifted this morning, but the use of the snow thrower cleared it nicely, and we were able to get out

and do a few errands.

 

Georgina,......Sandy....Colleen....Leah.....Dianne......LouAnn......Susan..... Kate......and everyone on BI.....Good to see

your posts. 

 

Thanks  to all for the lovely holiday greetings, and screen shots....so beautiful.  

 

WISHING  PEACE   FOR   ALL.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    sherry 

 

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Hello all.

Well............... We said our goodbyes yesterday to dear Heather.    She was so very loved by so many.  The calling the night before the funeral was supposed to run from 4-8 but didn't end until 9:30 due to all of the people who came.   It was an hour and half wait to get to the family.    The service was beautiful as well as heartbreaking.  The family did well, but now the hard work begins.   It was so very cold yesterday with a high of 9 degrees so the graveside service was very brief.   I know that it was just her body, and not who she was, but it did pain my heart to leave her in that terrible cold.    I know it did for her mama  too.   We will walk this road together, knowing we will see our girls again.

I am exhausted emotionally and physically.   I too long for time away from everything to really rest and recover.    I could join you Kate, but then that would negate your chance to get away wouldn't it?:-)  But will take the moments that I can to get away and catch my breath..    This morning my hubby had an aid here so I went and did some " retail therapy" 

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone as we approach the new year.  We are in a frozen state her in Indiana as are many of  you.  Don't like driving on slippery roads, but do like that it maybe will kill some of the virus's and illness .

Have a good weekend.

Sandy

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Hi all. I hope the picture shows. It is the causeway on the river right on the edge of town. Geese are enjoying it. The snow started yesterday. I just thought I'd share this. I'll write more later. Peace and love to all

Tina

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lovely photo Tina, the snow arrived here but with such cold it can't be enjoyed but from the window. Hoping for some temps int he 20's. How did you do over the holiday?

Sandy, how hard that service must have been for you, for all involved and you  know the truth, now the hard work begins for the family. The hardest work ever. I know that you will walk along with her but yes, taking time for your heart and head is a good thing. I am glad that you got away a bit while your husband had an aide. I wish you enough, like that old story goes, enough to sustain you and remind you of what true love is and where you carry it. In your ever-loving heart.

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Justin's Mommy, I have lost two sons. I feel sad to say that I think the second year is so much harder than the first. The second year, the support of family and friends tend to drop off. People feel that you should be over it. Meals and help dwindle away. The worst part for me was that I was starting to forget. Starting to forget what it felt like to hear my son's voice. To feel the touch of his kiss on my cheek. I was starting to forget and couldn't remember everything that I wanted to remember. I felt like my memory was fading. The second year was just torture. I tried to write in a journal the things that I remembered. I had friends write down the memories that they had of my sons. I felt awful to not remember everything. I couldn't smell his scent in his pillow anymore-all the scent was gone. I tried to spray his room with his cologne to rmember what he smelled like. I slept in his bed. I tried to pretend that he was still in his room talking to me.

Then, I remembered how much he loved me. I remembered him smiling. I remembered his laugh.

Never Forget

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Brendon&Jordi, I am so sorry for your loss.  I agree that the second year is so very brutal. The world moves on and you are still trying to understand the unimaginable. The grief process has so many twists and turns and the heart-wrenching spirals. You have found yourself in a good place where there are parents that  live the loss of their child or children.  They "get" it.  I just turned the  corner on my third anniversary and the pain and darkness come up to get me but sometimes there is light.  I was afraid that as time went on I might forget those little moments.  I try my best to "talk" to my son to keep him with me in my heart and in my mind.  . I can probably admit to crying daily still.  Not always the gut wrenching cry from early on but a thought, saying his name, can make the tears come. There is not a morning that I wake (and sleep is not always a willing action) that I do not think my son is gone. There are many on this forum I think of as my mentors who have helped me this far along.  We are here for each other. Those who come close to understanding that are those who share that experience. A grieving parent has to find their own way to live with the loss but they do not have to be alone. Share your thoughts, frustrations, feelings, whatever you are comfortable with whenever you are ready.  We are listening. Hang on with both hands but never be afraid to reach out.

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I think my new years resolution will be to get back on this site. I feel like my life is kind of pointless. Perhaps I can at least be a listening ear here. 

My experiences with the angel lady were so uplifting but I saw a girl on America's got talent manage to have a man's thoughts printed out on a paper which made me think maybe it is all a trick. Kate your story of being out to tea when the woman approached you about Jeff has always been something I hang on to. The story i just saw about your MIL also is reassuring. Thanks.

Here I am with my family at Christmas.

I wish everyone a glimmer of hope for the new year.

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Hoosier Guy, it is indeed a good thng to see you tonight and I am so glad that you feel a lessening of that horrid tension. I am glad to know that you are still cooking and that you have a Grandboy to help raise. Is that someting settled that you can be involved in his life now? I hope so. I look forward to hearing more about the case the detectives are working on. Good luck.

Gretchen, so good to see you too, and I hope that you do come back if it feels right for you. I hope you know that the purpose in your life is one: sitting in that room in the photo, and two: any other thing that you spend time with, like your art. But my dear Gretchen, if coming back here to lend an ear becomes part of your purpose in 2018...well then we are all better for it.

Brendon and JOrdi's Mom, please ocme back to let us know more about your life adn the lives of your swweet Boys. Nobody should lose a child as we all have, but WOW, not at all feesible to lose two kids. You are not alone here, we have several Moms here who have lost two kids. Please know that you will be welcome here whenever you come to talk. You don't have to learn our names for now, it will come as you read our stories...we are a big group, very active here, so join in. As Dianne said, you needn't do this all alone.

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sandy how sad to have that final goodbye with Heather she will always be with you

brendan and jordimom I know that feeling of the memories getting harder to visualise. When my son's clothes were delivered in aparcel from the family he was living with they were freshly laundered so no personal smell I was gutted. Although some things fade from our minds their beloved face will never be forgotten. Hold their love for you in your heart they are with you always. When I look at some photos a spark of memory comes briefly but I know my son's face by heart and will never let that fade. In the second or third year it really sinks in that they are not going to come back and that realisation is overwhelming especially as you realise you have slowly stopped expecting them to. make a place in your life for your spirit children but don't let your life stop and grief decay you. it is best to find something to honour them donate to a charity, do a fun run give a prize to their school put a bench in a park whatever you want and can afford to give. planting a tree is very inexpensive or scattering wildflower seeds in a natural area. my kids and i are saving up for a small plaque to put in the churchyard honouring Tommy so there is a place to go to remember him but without the hassle of regular maintenance.

gretchen lovely family photo thanks for sharing

hoosierguy I wondered how you are doing. Your fury and rage were so overwhelming they overcame any inhibition and caused some offence previously. I understand your rage at the injustice and lack of consequences for the guilty and the fierce parental desire to see justice done but agree that pressure causes major physical changes that are detrimental to your health and you have a grandson who needs you. I really really hope the guilty are charged and imprisoned because the taking of an innocent life is appalling and we as humans desire justice and murderers deserve to be locked up and made to pay for their crimes. Keep us posted.

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Bob. it is so good to know that young Nick (? I think that is the baby's name) will have a relationship with you.  I know you wanted that. I am sure that those who lost a child to violence appreciate hearing from someone who is going through that.  Hoping you are taking good care of yourself because that little one needs to have you to keep his father's memory alive.

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Hi everybody
Thanks for your well wishes. Ive been reading them to my mom. Makes her feel better when i tell her of all the different places u r from. We have been sitti g here a few day's i think now. Kinda lost track of time. Palliative care, off iv and antibiotics. I dont know how he keeps hanging on but he does. Barley breathing. Lesley did u ever see anyone linger on this long. Somersky. How is your dad and family doing.?


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louann it is impossible to give a timeline when someone is dying we have all heard cases of a longer or shorter life with a terminal diagnosis. I am sorry that is no help to you he will continue to weaken and probably lose consciousness then pass away. It must be very stressful for you all and i am sure you are all really tired and upset I hope for you all it is not too much longer.

dee i love U2 as well great song.

well we are here at the cusp of another year ending and 2018 beginning. I hope for everyone of you that it is better than the year we have had and that you all find some peace and keep good health.

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Dee, thank you for posting that song by U2. Jeff's favourite band  along with Coldplay. I have always loved the way Bono has a way to connect through his words to the average soul. A good guy all around.

Gretchen, I would love to see more of you on the site again. I have missed you! I enjoyed seeing your family photo of Christmas Day.

Tina, thank you for the pic of the geese. As long as there is open water and a source of food some will often stay behind. Good luck with your new job! Keep us posted as to how the first week goes.

Susan, my thoughts are sent for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery!

Sherry, I hope that this next few days will be good for you as you spend time with the family.

Leah, I sure hope you were able to get to the Doctor and get some meds to help with that stubborn chest infection. Take good care of yourself.

Lesley, how is your aunt doing these days? When have they scheduled your surgery on your foot?

LouAnn, I agree that it is not written in stone as to how long it takes. It is an extremely difficult process and so very hard to watch. My prayers are sent to you and your family for strength to get through this difficult time.

Becky, how are you? Have you finally trained Maurice? How are your eyes?

Dianne, wishing you a year ahead that is filled with peace and a sense of release. Those first three years are so very difficult. 

Laurie, I sure hope you will have some time to relax over the next few days. Please send love to your Mom and sister from me.

To all of those that are new to this journey. I am so very sorry for your loss. We that are further along completely understand the raw pain and feeling of hopelessness that you feel at this time. Please take heart in knowing that slowly in time... with support and patience... this pain will slowly ease. You never have to be alone in this.

I wish you all a New Year filled with peace and a heart filled with the beautiful joyous memories that our wonderful children have left us to carry on.

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