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      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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Lesley, awesome! I am so happy to see that you put up your tree. The guys will so enjoy seeing your place decorated. We are really enjoying our tree and have to say that I know Jeff is pleased to see us out and about. I hear you had snow in England today. I bet it covered everything in a lovely white coat. Perfect for Christmas.

Dee, thanks for sharing your lovely poetry with us. Yes, we are out and keeping as active as we can. Tomorrow we are off for the day to set up the tables and toys for the Christmas hampers. Two very busy days lined up. We do it slightly differently as along with the food and clothes hampers we allow people to pick out their own toys. The outpouring of donations is overwhelming. They are sorted into age categories and unwrapped. Each family is allowed to pick so many toys per child and who could know better than the Mom or Dad what they would like. Everyone leaves pleased and happy that their child will get exactly what they want. 

Sherry, your wreath sounds delightful and so welcoming. I'm sure the lights are lovely at night.

We had the opportunity to walk into the woods yet again this afternoon. It had snowed ever so slightly during the early morning hours and the sun came out not long after. The snow glistened and sparkled like a million diamonds. Oh, how lovely. And of course our cheery friends followed us along our path. 

Sandy, how are you doing these days? Will you be with the girls for the holiday?

Susan, hope today sees an improvement. 

We started to watch The Crown last night. I am hooked. The second season is every bit as good as the first as far as I am concerned despite critic reviews. 

Wishing everyone a truly peaceful Sunday evening. Love to All, Kate

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Wow! Everyone is so busy decorating for the holidays. Another one of those things that brings hope....Dee- beautiful poem--- I am telling you a book should be in your future in honor of beautiful Eri. Kate, your description of your walks and wildlife ALMOST make me think good thoughts about snow... well maybe not, but they are very descriptive and beautiful as long as I don't have to actually go out in it.  A pretty picture to look at....

Luanne, you took me by surprise with your new name.  You are so right...your girl is in heaven and I believe cheering her mom on for letting some light in. 

Susan, hope you are getting stronger.

Sherry,  you always have the right words to say and I always appreciate them.

Lesley, good for you to get up a tree.  I am probably never going to do that and I always loved my Christmas tree.  I have put out some winterlooking placemats with cardinals.  Big step for me. But I admire your strength to do that tree especially with your ankle.

My daughter sent me a picture of my little Piper.  She is ready for tonight's hockey game. My daughter pointed out that there is now only 17 inches between my granddaughter and me in height--- and she is only 4.  Peace, comfort and warmth to all.

Piper BH 12.17.jpg

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Steve's Mom...thanks for reminding us about the candle lighting.

Dianne, your little Piper is so sweet. I bet she is really excited about Santa coming. I also see she is wearing a Blackhawks shirt. I wonder where that came from? :D

LouAnn, thanks for asking after Ross. He  is plugging  along and keeping as busy as his health will allow. He has never been one to sit on his hands. He is a very active person and I feel it is good for him... as it keeps his mind off of his health. He tires easily, but rests  in between.  

Gretchen, Georgina, Becky, Wade and everyone. Thinking of you at this difficult time of the year.

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PIPER is so pretty, and so tall and lovely. Her hair is 5 times as long as my Grandgirl. So you are petite I gather from the 17 inch difference between you and Piper. She is tall and you are la'pettite. Yes, the placemats are a big step, good for you. I know, I loved my tree each year too, but it feels okay to not, we put some ornaments on one of our large house plant trees...I know a few people at the BlackHawks game tonight. Dianne, how is your cousin doing?

SANDY, where are you? I hope you are okay, I know that you are carrying so much on your  shoulders right now. Prayers my Friend.

Kate, the charity you and Ross assist with sounds perfectly lovely, to be able to let folks choose the gifts that they want to give thier Children..makes a big difference.

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Dianne...you are blessed....what a cutie pie your Piper is....so much healing in those young hearts and hands....all that all encompassing love that radiates from a child's heart and spirit....which is tangible in how it touches us. My granddaughter, Tay, has the same little body and height that I have...4' 11 1/2 ".....and same weight....only one in the whole family that shares that DNA with me....both my grandmothers were 6 feet tall.

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Wow Susan, how unusual that both of your Grandmom's were 6 foot tall...my sister in law from my first husband is 6 foot, and all 4 of her boys are 6'7" or 6'8". And you and Tay harbored some petite gene and both have it which is simply lovely. How are you feeling today?

Three absent kids from my class today, lot's of illness rounding the area. Hopefully All will be healthy for the actual holiday times.

So I baked cookies with the Grandies and my Co-Grandmom, (Shannon's Mom) and Shan's sister and daughter...sugar cookies and boy, did the kids go through sprinkles! Fun times.

 

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Thanks for the kind words on Piper.  As our only grandchild she definitely slips into the role of princess for us.  Yes I am a little short--61 inches and married a man over six foot.. one thing I towered over my mother. 

My cousin seems to be doing adequately.  She is not an emotional type so it is hard to see anything but what is sadness in her face.  That was her only child and as she pointed out, she lost him twice, once because of problems and now his untimely death.  Memorial is Saturday so we will see.

Maryann, thanks for the reminder last night on the candle lighting.  There were certainly many flickering flames going up to the angels above.

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I feel as if I am holding on.....my weight is in a place where I am not losing weight....so that is good. This full liquid diet is restrictive...no salads or fruit or vegetables....which has always been the mainstay of my eating habits. I am being a very good girl. I am walking around more...I am no where near where I use to be in stamina...energy levels...but that is normal for one that has been 'down' for so many weeks. I know that recovery and being patient will work that out in time. I am blessed to have all of you caring for me. I am blessed to have my amazing family and friends.

Tinay....I do hope you will give heavy thought to reaching out to your community with help....either with rent/food/assistance in your needs. There are many organizations that can provide a 'net' to help those that need a little support in times like you are experiencing. You and your son are very much on our hearts/thoughts. The first year is no time to try and be stoic. Grief is exhausting.

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Susan, I am so thankful that you are maintaining your weight...it must be very hard to not eat all the veggies and fruits that were your staple. So I will continue to pray that you heal and recover completely.

Dianne, glad that your cousin is holding her own, I know that her feelings will roller-coaster as they have for us all. I think it is actually harder for those with so much unfinished business, so much not settled.

Maryanne, thanks for the reminder...it used to be so widely announced and if not for your reminder, I would not have had a glowing window for My Girl. Thank you.

 

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Yes Dee.....I have had many moments to ponder and wonder and think and muse of all that I have been through and all that I have learned....learned to carry is the great lesson that I have absorbed. How many times have I wanted to lay it all down....give in and give up....but I know....I have so many that are counting on me...and I do want to do my part. Writhing in pain and not having any control can have many moments of great clarity. I thought of my John David....realizing for the first time how very sick my boy was. He was in a greater pain than I was....he was so...so very sick. It was in the first year I had this great break through in what little wisdom I was able to have....John David would never had left me..unless he had to. I was able to have a sliver of understanding that my child did not have a choice....just as I had no choice....it was time for him to leave this earth home. It was time for him to go to his first home. The second lesson in wisdom...is that he is still 'here'....somewhere. I know that as I know my name is Susan. I remember when these words came to me and I rushed in the house to write it all down...

When there is no cure in the medicine bag to bring them healing......When there is no magic pill in this earth home to relieve them from their pain and suffering....When there are no human hands to mend their broken bones and make them whole again......God/Mother/Father of the Universe comes and takes our child to their first home...And the Lord came with strong arms and took him in the night.

Since the beginning of recorded civilization...children have died...and grief has not changed since then....those parents have struggled with the same grief in losing a child. That kind of grief has been recorded. I am but one of many. It is a good comfort to have those that walk in our shoes.

We are so brave....to keep the lights burning bright for our families....our other living and loving children.

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Living life each day as it comes and as best we can is about the best thing that we can ever do. It takes suffering and being forced to reflect on what is truly important to find out what we are really made of and what truly counts. I have lived long enough to have witnessed much courage in family that I watched die. I will say that at the end they were always ready to go back home. My pain was felt in letting them go as I was selfish and did not want them to no longer be in my life. How we are tormented by our emptiness at the beginning. Imagine what joy we will feel when we once again see them. 

It was a long and tiring day... but oh so worthwhile. The outpouring and generosity of people was incredible. If only the beauty and feelings that are displayed at this time of the year could carry through the rest of the months. There will be some very happy children this Christmas Day. 

Susan, my wishes and prayers sent your way for healing. 

Leah, Tina, and everyone...I am thinking of everyone and sending love your way.

Kate

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lighting the candles for John David....not only once a year...every day.....the Santa Claus was the last Christmas gift from him in 2011....so cherished...

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Good evening all. 

You have all been in my thoughts and have been reading.  Thank you Kate and Dee for thinking of me.   Things are hard right now with alot of loss.  It has made me miss Sarah so much and l long to see her and hear  her voice.   But as Kate has said, we have to live life the best we can.   One step at a time.   So while I am in a very sad place right now, I know that it will get better and that I will be ok.   There are some tough things to go through yet in the next weeks, but I will be back and share as I am able.   My thoughts and prayers are with you all as we go through the holidays.  
Have a restful night.

Sandy

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Sandy, it is good to know that you' KNOW,' that you will make it through this very hard time of many losses and find your footing again. I know with so much loss, the loss of Sarah is that much more poignant and fresh...the time travel that losses create as though we pin-ball back and forth covering years in a short time. We are holding your hands as you hold the hands of others who need you at this time in their lives. Don't neglect your health Dear. Go eat a little something and drink some water...we tend to run on empty when dealing with a lot at one time.

Susan, that Santa is so wonderful, makes me smile and knowing that it was given to you by YOUR BOY, well it makes it all the more special. I love your words tonight, they are bound to help many, the part about when our Dearest Ones were too broken or sick to live here anymore...I have long believed that, and while we miss them so very much, we know that they are fine, more than fine and free from all tethers. Free Birds. Get well Susan...lay down when you need and let yourself rest.

I have two grief cards sitting here on my desk, there have been some losses of folks we know so I have them on the ready...one says: If you are going through hell, keep going...by Winston Churchill.

The other says: When Someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.

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Dear dear Kate, Ross and family.  Sending prayers and warm hugs your way as you are at Jeff’s angel date again.  I can’t help but think that that first Christmas you probably already had your decorations up and gifts bought. What should have been coming up to the happiest day of the year was instead devastating.  But still you are a shing beacon of hope to all of us that we can weave that grief into our new lives and carry on for the sake of those left behind. As difficult as that can be.  I hope that today instead of the foxes, birds and other critters that it is your Jeff who makes his presence known, so he can let you know how proud he is of his mama and papa and the good work they are doing. We all know we will see our precious babies again some day but there are those two days a year that always pull even tighter on our hearts and souls. Good luck with the toy sorting today. Feel your boy’s presence everywhere you go.  And know that tomorrow you will feel a tiny bit better. Your my next door neighbour, I wish I could fly there to give a big hug today but hope u can feel it just the same.  Heads up and keep going today.  Am thinking of you guys and your angel boy.  Take care Luanne

 

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Somewhere in Heaven is a beautiful young man whose name is Jeff.  He is happy and feels all the love being sent to him.  Jeff, send your family a soft, warm whisper to let them know you are near.

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Sweetheart Jeff,

May you feel the peace of a thousand angels and bless your parents with this sense...they know that one day they will reside with you again, until then, help them continue being the Earth Angels they are, carrying you into every good thing that they do...Blessings Sweet Boy/Man.

 

Kate and Ross, may this day find you with faces in the sun and hard work in your hands...hearts resting comfortably knowing that you are always near your Boy, he is always near you. A sweet walk to round out this day, allowing fresh air in and warm memories to guide you home again.

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susan glad you are doing ok must be a very boring diet and I am sure you will be glad to get onto something solid before Xmas. Those are two of my favourite quotes on grief by the way.

dianne yep it is definitely ok not to celebrate the holidays. If it does not feel right then don't do it, whatever your inner self directs you, I like that quote you posted too just reminding us all that we are different. that Piper sure looks like a little angel how lovely she is. I hope I have grandkids someday they look like fun!  glad your cousin is doing as well as can be expected. Dee said the  feelings that "roller-coaster" so well, we all know the pits that open up unexpectedly and then the slow climb back to some normality. I believe we are always a few steps further on than we were originally, it is just a long and slow process.

maryanne I read your candle post a bit late but what a lovely idea. I look at my tree lights instead and smile a sad smile.

kate what an awesome charity idea to be able to have some choice of gifts very thoughtful. I will be sending my usual donation to my local homeless shelter in my son's name. There was a very interesting article in the newspaper the other day from a mother of a son who is an addict and lives on the streets. She wrote an article begging kind people not to buy food or drinks for her son, or clothes or give money to him. her reasoning was sound she said that if his needs are met he is enabled and will continue in that lifestyle. If his needs are not met he will hit rock bottom and seek help himself and hopefully get treatment. She did ask instead that people donate to the charities that support homeless and addicts so they can be taken care of appropiately, beds funded etc. Thought it was an interesting perspective, practising tough love which must be so hard, but also with her son's welfare and safety foremost.

dee thanks for the encoraging words, it is a bit of an emotional minefield navigating the holidays. I agree a book is in your future.

there are quite a few faces missing recently on our thread. I guess you are all having your own personal struggles, just know you are thought of and missed ok?

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Thanks for the thought of getting published one day, it is a BIG dream of mine...

My friend who has cancer found out yesterday that it has traveled to her liver. Prayers and hope for this wonderful talented woman, Mom of three grown sons...(all in their 20's). She is hoping to get into a new trial, and I so hope she can as the treatment she is doing now has given her more time than ever expected, it was 2 years ago when diagnosed at stage 4 melanoma. The treatment is immunotherapy, and she has done well with it until now. I hope that they can buy more time for her and my hope is that by then, a new treatment can be used and then another new one...maybe she is just the right pioneer to try these newest ideas out, ever eager to try, hoping for more time in each breath and heartbeat.

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Dee....I have given my 'illness' a name....I call it a 'message from the Universe'.....maybe the message is meant for me to be more aware of those that struggle with real health issues....will pray that your friend hangs on with both hands...and we will pray with both hands....

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Thinking of everyone as we are missing our beloved ones. I am including a link below to a beautiful song. Something Jesse would have liked. 

Homeless man plays beautiful song with powerful message

https://youtu.be/FhgZ4hBGJkY?t=28s

(could not get the video to embed...so follow the link)

 

 

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Thank you to everyone that thought of Jeff today. It was a special day filled with much emotion. My heart was filled with a sense of pure goodness when I saw the happiness that a few small gifts could make for someone in need. What better way to honour my BOY/MAN than to do what he did on an every day basis. Working with the disadvantaged  he saw the bare raw humanity in everyone. He never judged a living soul to my knowledge. He saw that many had faults... but he also saw their good side as well. He showed them respect. Which was why many used his name as a contact when they were hospitalized. What could have been a greater honour? That they considered him friend enough to care about them. Today as I swept my kitchen floor just before leaving the house a white feather drifted down from above and touched my cheek. Where the heck did it come from? OK, I said to myself...he's here and showing he's good about what we are doing today. 

Dee, I am so sorry about your friend. I will definitely keep her in my prayers.

Oh Sandy, I know it has been a really difficult period for you. Know that we are sending love. 

LouAnn and Dianne and Dee... Laurie...thanks for thinking of my boy!

Sending love to ALL that good health will be restored and peace will fill your hearts again.

Kate

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Just wanting you all to know I am fine.. been really stressed.. but it will pass.. just not feeling good.  I probably will go back to the dr..  but there is so much flu and stuff around here.. they aren't giving out antibiotics.. just keep sending people home to get over whatever...  and I have met a few that aren't getting over it.

Kate.. thinking of you.. sending you love and peace for you and Ross..  may you feel the grace of your angel Jeff...  always present..  always loved.

I have been reading.. and do appreciate all..  prayers for you all to get through the holidays..  we hold our angels close..  and continue to make them proud.  Hope your all feeling better soon

 

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