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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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If you like Stephen King...please read his memoir...hilarious and compelling.

Leah, so glad that you got ot visit with Sena, she will hang onto that visit in her deepest heart for all of time, as will you. She needs to know that you are fighting for her, and you need to know that the system will also fight for her best situation, which does not sound like dad...I wish you so much goodness. Go tot he doctor so that you can tackle the lung issue right away.

Hey, I don't watch hockey Ladies, but the HAWKS ruled last evening in Chicago.

Hey, prayers for my little guy, Grandboy, a cast is on his leg as of today, probably a fracture in his shin...too swollen to know at this point but hasn't been able to put weight on it for two days. He wanted his sister to carry him and she did but she accidently dropped him....OW!

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Oh Dee.....I hope the fracture is a small one....little ones seem to heal pretty fast....but...keeping them in line and safe is the hardest part. Years ago a friend of mine had a little boy that broke his arm....he did just fine....but the parents were simply worn down being frantic about it.

 

Leah....I know that visit with Sena was healing for both of you. Being there with her will give her a lot of love and support. You are the bridge over troubled waters. Remember...'self care'.....for no one is going to take care of you better than you.

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Dee, sorry to hear about your grandson,.  Hope he heals well and his sister does not beat herself up for this injury.  And, oh yes, the Hawks were outstanding. Just hope they do not follow the bad pattern for the Cubs.  They score a gazillion runs in one game and then cannot hit a lick in the next.  So lets hope all those goals were a sign of the season to come. And I thought they would miss Panarin....

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Tinay   

Asked again on Facebook where everyone went. I said I'm still here. Me and my son. 

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shorty16   

Wishing all my Canadian friends a lovely Thanksgiving weekend.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forevr

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Lou Ann, NO YOU ARE NOT A LOSER. 

I also live in a small gossipy town. I left my job after Jesse died. Way too many memories. Somedays I am good and other days I struggle, with the insanity that is my life.

However, I have not ever been much a follower. Don't care either. People often do very stupid things in crowds. (or to please others). 

And I would say to anyone looking down on bereaved parents, and the complications that can arise --- here is a good swift kick in the Arse for them. I do get into some awful ornery fits about the idiotic responses from people, don't have much tolerance for that kind of stuff anymore. Especially when they start opening their mouth as to what they would do if they were you or get this plan up about how you should be responding or doing. Not that they themselves would ever do anything that is flying out of their mouth, -- I have seen some of these same individuals fly into fits about other stuff that is the equivalent to "I think I have a hangnail"...and other such nonsense. 

Now, we -- my husband and myself -- have personally had to confront some very idiotic people since Jesse's death about gossip that ensued, and  fought for 3 years in court, just recently won the appeal...at five years out.

the most recent idiotic happened about 1.5 months ago...a church couple who "befriended" my daughter who turned out to be worse than the comforters of Job. My husband confronted the man...said that was enough. 

Bereaved moms and dads are the bravest people I know...we have to face our deepest fear, pull the oars even when we have no more to give, and those here, in their deepest hurt reach out to others, giving words of kindness and healing.

Most of those people aren't worth thinking about, best to spend your time on what can be done, For me, it means following a spiritual path, family, and giving Honor to my son in his passing. Nothing else really matters to me.

However, I have learned to be quiet about my mourning just to make it easier to be around me. That is why I only tolerate short time spans with others now, except for my family. My mom, and sister have some spiritual giftings, so we are more on the same page on understanding that life continues on. It may be passed down from my mom's grandmothers- don't know. I need time in spiritual spaces, to quiet myself. That is why I often visit Holy Hill which was known to be a healing site. 

Finding our path, with all its obstacles, and enduring. Loving our children gone ahead, and lighting another's torch when it is about to go out....no one can truly know how hard this is until they themselves walk it. 

 

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Thanks Laurie, Dianne adn Everyone who wishes my Grandboy a quick recovery, we shall see early next week about break or sprain. He is a funny little man for sure. We went to see the cast and he told us about it. Little Erica does not seem to feel guilty, she knows that it was an accident. They make my heart smile those two.

Laurie, well said, those spaces we need to find in our lives tend to be quiet breaks in our days, and I too seek those out. A place where I can let my spirit/heart roam around and feel what is near and intuit what I can. After a long or particularly loud day at school, I look forward to the quiet here or to a walk with just the sounds of life going on, no direct conversations...I have always needed alone time, but as I get older and since Eri died, I require more alone time.

The lion is gorgeous Laurie, majestic.

Okay Folks, going to bed, a busy week and a full moon...hoping for a good sleep.

 

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Very quickly stopping by to say"Hi" to everyone. Thanks, Colleen for your kind wishes.

Dee, hope the little wee one will improve quickly.

Laurie, I had to respond to your post regarding gossips. People that gossip are simply small ignorant individuals. A bright person talks about issues that are important in life. A small person talks about other people. I remember vividly the year that Jeff died I decided to grab the bull by the horns and join Curves. We live in a small community like many here. I walked into the place fairly early as they had just finished a Zumba class. All talking stopped as I walked into the room. They were caught like a child with their hand in a cookie jar. Everyone went red. I knew they had been talking about me. I walked over to the treadmill and must have walked ten miles to burn off energy. When they were all gone I spoke to the young woman that was the manager of the place and asked them if they had been discussing me. She confirmed that they had said that if they had been in my position they would kill themselves rather than continue on. My heart sank. I was holding it together with everything I had. This place is surrounded by a couple of cute trendy coffee houses and restaurants. Rather than talk about and thereby recognizing what I was experiencing...why could they not have suggested we go for coffee or something. I got the definite impression that they treated it as a contagious illness and they would catch it. I agree with everything that you said...up your Arse! Forgive my rant... but try as you may...some people are just plain jerks. Now several years down the road I could care less what they say or think. They don't have a clue about what they are saying. Ignorant to the core. Hold your head high and live as positively as you want and can. Their opinion is of no relevance. 

Lou Ann, have a really nice Thanksgiving with your boys! We plan to have a great few days. Enjoy that beautiful weather while you can.

Kate 

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Hey. got a respiratory infection...  got it soon so it shouldn't be to serious.

Kate, thanks for the information :-) Love Stephen King...I have all of his books from before he retired.  With everything I have read on him.. I knew nothing about him.  Should pay more attention

Dee.. Hope the little doesn't have a break...  I understand what you mean about the alone time.  I get where I crave it.. and have been known to get crabby without it.

Had to go to town today.. I hate venturing out there..   heading for a nap...  feeling old today.

Hope everybody is doing well this weekend.. my thoughts are with you

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Hi well at long last after 14 weeks of pure torture I re eived the results of my CT with contrast. And was rushed into theatre to have a 4cm not mm kidnet stone removed that had lodged at the top of my ureatha partially blocking it so the kidney didn’t drain properly. I’m still quite poorly.  They have fitted a stent for a week which I can quite honestly say is feeling worse than the original pain I had. Feeling so run down it’s untrue .  Xx

Deei hope your grand boy is doing ok now xx

Laurie, Kate so well explained.  I have had so many comments said to me and advice on being stronger that’s what your son would of wanted, that I avoid situations where I would have to deal with it  just can’t take it anymore.   Xx

Lou-Anne Happy Thanksgiving xxx

Ja-boa’s grandma feel better soon take care xx

God Bless gxxx

 

 

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Hello all,

Dee, prayers for your little guy.   Kids are so resilient,  he is probably causing you all gray hairs trying to keep him still.

I went to see by brother this afternoon and his cancer has moved like wildfire.   Probably only has at most hours left on this earth.    My heart broke to see him so frail so near to the end.   Since my Sarah died,  we lost another of my brothers, my mother and now Randy.    Also my dearest friend's daughter who is like a daughter to me has been fighting cervical cancer and chemo didn't help and it has moved to other parts of her body with a poor prognosis and she has 3 little ones. And, a good friend and coworker was diagnosed with lung cancer last week.   I am so very tired of cancer, death and loss.     Just needed to vent.   
Sandy

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Leah, I am so glad that you went to the doctor when you did...saves you the agony of something more serious...good going Girlfriend. Feeling old is just part of our age Leah. And since you are fighting this infection, a nap is another reason to be tired. Hope you napped.

So I hope everyone in this Hurricane Nate's path is safe as he comes ashore. And I hope that Everyone here gets a good night of rest. I am going to bed early, just very tired and looking forward to sleep. The Chicago Marathon is tomorrow, supposed to be warm for runners but it starts early enough that the warm won't be till later. Today we finally had some significant rain...hooray and then a beautiful rainbow. Lovely.

Happy Thanksgiving you neighbors to the NORTH.

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Sandy Dearest, you vent because why wouldn't you???You are surrounded by this terrible thing called cancer and you have to keep facing it for, and with folks that you love...God Bless your brother Randy and God Bless you Sandy...you are here and living in the best ways you can and yet, you have these hardships to face with your friends and family. It will be in your honesty and helpful patience  that will give solace to those around you that are in need. I am holding your hands and hoping that you can breathe in and breathe out the goodness of your Angels, that fills your heart and be reminded by this goodness that you are a lovely and beloved person in all of the lives all around you. I am sorry that you have to bear so much loss.

Goodness Georgina, I am certainly glad that the reports were finally read and that the doctors had a rush put on getting you in surgery! It feels like you have waited a long while for this to take place. You are going to feel weak and achy for a while, just sleep when you can and do as the doctors say. Prayers heading for you for healing.

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Laurie.  That is so true that grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it.  I kept thinking why aren't I crying, screaming, pounding the walls, going nuts.  I just stood there totally void of any kind of feeling.  I never shed one tear the whole time.  If someone had of kicked me in the head I would not have cried.  I had a great deal of guilt living with that. When I asked the psychiatrist why I didn't react and he said tv glorifies death and how people react.  Some people react badly, some don't react at all.  I so wanted to cry but I could not, not even one tear.  What must Kira have thought if she could see me.? 

Sherry.  I think that time  line is what my family did. I think they picked out a date past which they would not allow us to grieve anymore. I never asked anyone to hold my hand or go to the cemetery with me I just wanted someone to talk to once in awhile like on Kira s birthday when I got no response. I wanted someone to help me when I was sick last winter, when my husband and I were holding on by a thread.  We got no help at all.  As far as family and friends were concerned it was water under the bridge, old news.  I know what you feel like your kids have just faded away for. Everyone.  I feel that way too.  But we will always keep our kids shining bright inside us.  And that's all that matters.

Dianne.  Really?  He thought you should be over it at 3 weeks.  What kind of an ignoramus was he.  Even the non bereaved you would think would have a little more compassion than that.  None of my work place friends of 29 years are there for me. Today you can just go on line and send a post to the funeral home. But there were a lot of people who I had known from growing up with , working with, I have  lived here for 50 years.  Yet some never gave any acknowledgement at all.  How can people be so cold and uncaring.  This was a child.  But you know the ones who did me the biggest favour were the ones that were never there from day one.  Cause I knew if they weren't there from the beginning they never would be so they only let me down once.  It was those who said they would call, would always be there, but who one by one dropped out of site cause those ones hurt me every single time they gave me the brush off until I finally realized they didn't care and probably never had.  Please remember you don't just have your husband, daughter and cousin, you have me and all of us on this site.  We are a family now. 

Lesley. Thanks for the quotes.  All so true.  Very touching, holding the lamp for one another. 

Dee.  Prayers for a speedy recovery for your grandson. Kids mend quickly. It must be hard for a wee one to not be able to run around. And yes Blackhawks are off to a good start.  

Laurie and Kate. Wow I   So hear you about the rudeness and ignorance of others.  When I went back to work, some girl said to me "well I don't let my kids shower with the door locked" which of course had nothing to do with Kira's death. Some man in the parking lot of a grocery store said to me " well she just isn't here, no big deal". Really. Some woman said "well my husband just could never lose our daughter". As if we had a choice or something.  But I totally agree with you guys these people are not worth thinking about, we are the bravest people . And yes their opinion is of no  relevance. 

Georgina.  Sending prayers and good wishes your way. Please rest and at least they seem to have gotten to the bottom of things. Take it easy as you recover.

thank you all for the thanksgiving wishes.  Holidays don't really mean much anymore. Take care.

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Prayers for your brother Sandy as he faces his transition...

Georgina, sending prayers of healing for you...that is a huge kidney stone...may you get some rest and care.

Kate, and Lou Ann, I just had so much of this kind of garbage said, I really am to the point of just telling anyone who ventures into that area to take a flying leap. 

Susan, how are things down by you? Been thinking about you.

Leah, sending healing prayers for you as well. 

 

 

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Randy passed away at 10:50.   I knew he would not make it through the night but you are never ready to let go.  :(    My humble , sweet, funny, little brother has no more pain.  I prayed that he would  have a big welcoming committee.   He had many there waiting on him.     Sigh.......................    Thank you for the kind words and prayers.

Sandy

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dee hope your grandson recovers soon little ones do so well with healing quickly and it never seems to dull their energy!

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving I hope you all have a peaceful time together and are able to reflect on what you still have and not too much on the losses. (easier said than done I know)

Sandy I am sad to hear that your brother has passed. Losing a sibling must be very hard and i am sure after all the sorrows you have suffered it must hit harder each time. Randy will have plenty of family to welcome him but it does not make your pain feel less. Being out of pain and suffering is a blessing for him I am sure. Hugs to all your family who have lost so many members.

laurie I love that comment about telling others to take a flying leap I must remember that one. We know there is no correct timeline and none of us actually want to feel the way we do it is what it is. Unless you have walked in those shoes and felt that deep love for someone who passed you just don't get it. At least here on this site we all get it that is why we are a community of friends.

louann we will always keep our kids shining bright you are right that is all that matters, but we also need to try and find some shine for ourselves and not be tarnished forever by grieving.

georgina I hope you make a speedy recovery and it is not surprising you feel run down you have been through a great deal recently. Take care.

I have referred a couple of newbies to our thread but as yet they have not felt able to take up the offer. Even if you cannot post please keep coming back and reading you will find the strength to post in your own time, and sometimes just visiting is enough. Know you are welcomed with open arms when you feel ready. I also have notes some absences from older members eg Rainie I hope you guys are doing ok and come back to fill us in when the time is right for you.

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Thank you Lesley Dee Laurie and Lou Anne struggling today feeling very sick I think it’s all the medication I’m on Leasley  thankyou for the pins I connected with ‘when I must leave you’ “I will meet you in the sky” always hope and pray for that xx

 

Sandy so sorry for your loss take care it’s so hard xxx

 

 

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Randy, may you be met by Angels and please let those here, know you have arrived...

Bless you Sandy, for your shoulders have carried so much. Please take care  of you when you can, I know that your life remains a busy job, so rest when you can. If I were near, I would watch over those you need to care for and let you sleep for a while.

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Sandy.. thinking of you..  no words can help..  just know we care...  please take care of you.

Georgina.. hoping that at last some relief somehow comes..  praying for you.

Laurie.. thanks for the good wishes...  the same to you and to all...   

Somedays it just feels like the world keeps getting tougher on us.. and it is so nice to find a place like this full of concern

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Leah.  U are so right, I feel it too that the world keeps getting tougher on us .  I think about my Kira almost all the time.  I just want to hug her. Glad u caught your infection early.  I am glad u got to talk to sena.  I hope the grandchildren get to come be with you.  How is your daughter doing?  Getting the help she needs I hope.

Georgina, hope u r getting your much needed rest.  R u feeling a little better and stronger each day? I hope so.  I love that picture of the stairway to heaven. I hope it looks just like that.  

Lesley.  " and never never be afraid to die, for I am waiting for you in the sky".  I love this.  Thanks for sharing  I wish I could  find some shine for myself, but my light went out on June 19, 2011 never to come on again.  

Sandy. Am sorry you have suffered yet another loss. But he would have had so many there to greet him.  I pray for strength for you in the days ahead as your heart will be heavy.  

Kate hope u are enjoying your weekend.  Little rain last night but has been nice.  There were six games on last night. I was going crazy flicking all over the place.  Wish I had six tvs.  How horrible of those women to say that about you.  Every time I think I've heard the nastiest hurtful thing someone can say to a bereaved parent , sure enough there's one that can top it.  I'm glad we all seem to be able to leave those people behind and give them no importance in our lives.  

Laurie I feel a lot like you.  I have very few people in my circle anymore.  But I just don't care. It took me six years to figure out who was going to be there and who just wanted to hurt me more.  It's been a long hard lesson. But it is about finding that path that feels right. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hey Tina, how r things going? So you decided not to move right?  What grade is your son in?

Devianz, Julian's mom, Rainey, Gretchen, Amy Anne , Wendy, somersky and anyone else who hasn't been on in awhile how r u guys doing.  I hope u r still reading and will come back on so we know You are ok.. Take care. 

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A wonderful talk on the morning news yesterday...a survivor from the Virginia Tech shooting said that each time there is a mass shooting like the one she survived or any other kind, she is brought to her knees with reliving her event. She has spent her life once she both physically healed and mentally prepared herself, to speak about violence and how to combat it...she said that she had to find a way to live a grateful-to-be-alive-life. In this, she said that even friends and family find it hard to know who she is now...what to say. She said what we have all said, we are changed by trauma and we can never be the person from the day before that trauma, but we find out who we can be and go forward. She also acknowledged that the anniversaries are the very hardest and in her case, APRIL, is her hardest month so in March she begins the annual rise in anxiety, the annual tearfulness and sleep issues begin, she has come to know it is how her body and soul react to TIMES of great sadness. God bless her for being so able to put words to her ache.

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Tinay   

Hi Lou Ann, yea we decided not to move. My son Grayson is going to be 17 on the 21st. He is a junior. I homeschool him. 

Hope all is well with everyone. At least as well as can be. A virus has swept through our house. We are coming down from it but still makes a weak. Over all. Just plain tired. 

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