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momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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Georgina, I am sorry for the loss of your dear mother. I have been saying prayers on your behalf lately, just has been on my heart. I agree with what the others said, that we all have greeters that meet us, those who loved us and more. I believe in the communion of souls -- and so many have posted signs that are undeniable. I send gentle and loving thoughts to you and your family at this time. 

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And...

Thank you all for being here, I pray for restful nights, and for a gentle touch to all here. 

I have been working so many hours, so haven't had a chance to get to post much and with Jesse's angel date around the corner...I have been running on empty it seems..

 

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Good evening everyone. My name is Jess, and I’m new to this forum so please bear with me if I make some mistakes.

 

A few days ago I learned that an old friend of mine passed away in a car accident in late June. We hadn’t spoken in a couple of years, but we had the sort of old familiarity where even if we hadn’t talked in a while, when we saw each other it was like no time had passed at all. We were close when we were kids but as we got older we attended different colleges, and he eventually left his childhood home and moved a few hours south to pursue school. Our friendship was always very important to me, and I still thought of him often even when it had been some time since we last spoke.

 

The reason that I’m seeking guidance is not for how to handle my own loss; I’m still struggling with it, but more than that, I am concerned with approaching his parents. He was a very dear friend of mine, but I only met his parents a handful of times several years ago, and I’m not sure if they would remember me, or that I even knew their son at all. However, they live less than two miles away. I want to stop in and check on them, but I’m worried that I would seem like a stranger darkening their doorstep to bring up the worst loss of their lives.

 

I would really like to let them know how sorry I am for their loss, and how much their son meant to me during the ten odd years we were friends. I want to apologize for not making it to the service; I would never have missed it if I knew what had happened sooner. (I only learned of his passing this week when I looked him up on Facebook and noticed the “in memory of” banner on his page.) If they ever want to talk, or need anything done for them, I’m just a couple of streets away, but I feel uncomfortable inserting myself into their lives by saying “I can go shopping for you on Fridays,” or “I can stop by and walk the dog at 8,”—a forwardness I’m not sure they would be comfortable with from a "stranger" (even though some sites recommend that sort of initiative), and especially a few months after their loss. I feel like speaking to them in person is more sincere, but I’m worried that since a few months have passed, I might trigger or upset them unexpectedly if I just show up at their door one evening (I know that they will always be upset over this loss to say the least, but the last thing I want to do is cause any harm at all to them).

 

Also because they probably don’t remember me, and because I hadn’t spoken to their son in a couple of years either, I’m very worried they will think I’m some kind of grief vulture, or behaving overdramatically over someone they might think I didn’t even know that well anymore. Obviously I want them to know I’m sincere, and that I can be here to help or listen if they ever want to talk at any time, but I’m not sure if a virtual stranger is someone they would approach with that level of emotional intimacy. I was very close to their son when we were younger, and he held a torch for me for years (at least into our high school years), but I’m not sure if he ever even mentioned my name to them. We never dated, but somehow I always thought we would drop in and out of each other’s lives forever. I don’t think it’s appropriate that I mention any of this to his parents, but I say it now because the unique relationship I shared with him is something special and intimate to me, and I’ve never even come close to it with anyone else in all my 24 years of life. Nor do I think I ever will again. But because he was so uniquely and irreplaceably dear to me, I truly do wish to reach out to his family somehow. I know I can’t make them heal from this, but at the least I want them to know I’m here if they ever need anything.

 

More than anything I’m not sure if they would appreciate my presence. I know everyone grieves differently, and while I have read a lot of articles these last two days on how to be there for bereaved parents, much advice is contradictory. I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to reach out to them in the way that may be best for their health. Or if anyone has been in the same place as them, if they would even have welcomed such a possible intrusion during a time when they need to heal.

 

Thank you guys for your time, your consideration, and your patience.

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Jessie, I would just write exactly what you told us here...that when you were in each others' lives, you enjoyed his company, all the things that you remember about him...that had you known, you would have reached out at the time...that you just want them to know that their Boy touched your life in a positive manner and that he will never be forgotten. That my friend, can go a long way on a dark day of grief. All of we parents know the kindness that is lasting, and what you are doing is that.

 

Prayers for all those innocent people who were gunned down last evening at a concert in Vegas. How awful that one person allowed to have all of those firearms, could think to take those lives as though he was given permission by virtue of having weapons. Sickening. Absolutely hideous. And prayers for Tom Petty, I do believe he died this afternoon.

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louann you made those promises whilst beside yourself and inside out with grieving so do not be afraid to break them. Your precious girl would love you to have music back in your life as a sign to her that you are making progress. Play songs she loved, dance, cry, and let rip with all your emotions. Use the music to heal inside. It would also be great for your other children to see you loosening up and becoming more like the mum you used to be and can be again. You are doing great girl keep it up! As for being with your daughter soon NO NO not an option you know that too well. You are needed here too much by your family and friends that includes us here ok?

jessie why not write them a letter first to kind of feel out the way they are coping? Include your number in it and they can contact you when they are ready. Us grieving parents are all different. Some of us can speak about their child others are mute with sorrow, some are ready more quickly than others to read correspondence answer calls and texts etc others can hardly get out of bed. It is a very individual thing. They would definitely appreciate kind words and memories of their son but it  seems a little soon maybe? It is hard enough to meet with family and friends let alone someone they may not remember. However it is lovely of you to think of them and want to offer comfort and help, and you should definitely do what you feel is appropriate. You lost a friend too. Bless you for your thoughtfulness and kind heart.

laurie take care of yourself with the dreaded angel date coming up. you will be held in our thoughts. Do what you want to do on the day or not, whatever is ok. The day will pass as it always does and a new one begins.

I read in horror of the las Vegas shootings and think of all the families affected by the tragedy. So wishing automatic weapons were banned except for the forces. They do so much damage in mere minutes. Also hoping help and relief come to all those affected by the hurricanes especially in Puerto Rico and the littler islands which were devastated and have a high population of poorer people who have lost everything.

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Thank you You all so much you give me strength and feeling of being part of a family your all so kind and caring. Xx

A little bit of family history... My sisters and I used to sing as a group when we were younger. We went all over the world and once had the opportunity to record in the younger BeeGees studio in miami. My older sister used to sing and record in New York and arranged for my mum as a Christmas  present for us all to sing part of the song.  It was such fun 

l not doing brilliant Dee still signed off work as I keep getting infections. I have an E.coli infection again so struggling with all this on top.

Diane I hadn't seen this but I love the picture Dee painted of Erika sitting on the moon with one leg hanging over the side.

Susan thankyou, lovely words.  I miss my mum so much just this wonderful little person shuffling around with a smile on her face always there for me with a listening ear.xx  

Thank you everyone should of posted this last night but feel asleep feeling exhausted. 

God Bless x

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Georgina, the Bee Gees. I loved their music. Dianne how do I post The Prayer sung by Josh Groban and Celine Dion? For the longest time after Jeff died I walked around in silence. I could not bare to hear anything that reminded me of him. Eventually in time I slowly started to turn the music back on. I have never had the ability to sing... but I certainly can appreciate those that can. Georgina, you must have a lovely voice. Please take good care of yourself. 

Jessie, I agree about the letter. Tell them what you have told us. Let them decide if they would like to meet. My bet is that they will be pleased to talk to someone that has these good memories of their son. I know that I would welcome an opportunity such as that. Any chance to talk about my son always brings a smile to my face. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

We also had a scare in Edmonton on Saturday after the game. A Somali refugee is facing charges of attempted murder and participating in terrorist activity. A policeman was stabbed and four pedestrians were randomly mowed down by his vehicle. He had an Islamic State flag in his vehicle. Prayers for this madness to stop. 

Sending wishes for a very peaceful and calm evening.

Love to All, Kate

 

 

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shorty16   

My friends,

I am sad, angry, and in-shock over the senseless loss of life in Las Vegas.  The family members unable to locate loved ones.

After Brians crash, there was about an hour where we did not know if Brian was dead or live.  And when we were told "he did not make it" , our lives changed forever.

I pray for the families.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever  

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Georgina Thank you for the beauiful song!! Kate is also one of my favorites.   It was good to hear tonight.

Jessie, some of my most treasured items are from people that knew my Sarah and shared sweet memories of her and how she touched their lives,several from people whose lives she had touched that she never even knew.   One was from a young man who took the time to drop a note off for us at the Hospice Home while we were experiencing her last hours.   He shared how he knew her from school and was behind her by a couple of years.  He shared how watching her in different circumstances  and how she had touched his life and how her example and sweet spirit affected him even to that day.     I know she did not know that she impacted anyone like that.   She was unconscious but I read it to her.   I pray she heard it.   My only wish was that he would have come in and I could talk with him and hugged him for sharing that most precious story.    We like to hear about our children, and what they mean to others and hear stories that we never knew about them.    We can no longer make memories with them but oh how we love to hear people say their names and share.  It is a comfort and reinforces that they have not been forgotten, which I think is a fear many of us carry with us.    So, if you feel like you can, contact them and tell them how very much you loved and cared for their son and what he means to you even today.     Just my thoughts.   God Bless you for caring so much for his parents.       

Sandy

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Thanks Georgina, I appreciate it! I just love that song.

Colleen, I agree that it is hard not to become furious over these senseless murders. We all know only too well the shock and pain that follows after we hear of our child's death. If only this madness would stop. 

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Dance under the moon

 Maybe it is just me, but I get stronger with sadness.  I get fearless with more fear.  I refuse to give up the more obstacles I have. The more times I am ignored. The more times I will stand up.  The more times I will die, the more lives I will live. I danced under the moon last night.  And I felt timeless, lioness like. Invisible.  Unafraid.  Unhuman. But connected to the universe more than ever before.  Connected to the people who are gone before me.  In that moment there was no time, just the moon and me dancing under it.  Everything sad....disappeared.  Everyone who I lost....was found.  And I became stronger with sadness.  Fearless with more fear.  I understand I am different.  But I wasn't always different.  I was the same as everyone else.  I did the same things everyday.  I had a normal life.  I was accepted.  I am who I am today because all was taken away from me.  I was no longer normal.  It felt like I lived in the 18th century, when the world was more cruel.  When we had less.  It felt like I was living in the street, homeless.  My heart was homeless for so long. I did not know that my sadness could get me stronger.  I didn't know that my fear would get me fearless.  And I didn't know the moon was mine to dance to.  I didn't know that I was dead and I was about to be reborn.  When we are dead inside we don't know we can live again.  When we are homeless we don't know we can build our own home.  When we are afraid we don't know we can be fearless.  When we are sad we don't know we can be happy. And happiness means something different now.  It does not mean joy or bliss.  It does not mean peace.  It means choices, freedom.  Freedom to find my moon in the midst of thunderstorms.  Freedom to see my strength in the midst of my weakness.  Freedom to say hello to my warrior self while in battle for life.  While in battle to come back to the living.  This is the happiness I talk about.  Not the boxed in version we have been given when we were born.  Maybe our version of happiness after loss has to do with the moon and dancing under it.  Maybe tonight you will find your own moon and dance...dance like no one is watching.    Christina Rasmussen.

i found this on the internet.  This is a lady who lost her husband.  But I can relate it to our losses as well.  

Thanks lesley for your kind words.  They really do mean a lot.  

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Laurie, as you move forward toward the date that breaks your hearts, know that we are holding your hands, we are holding you up, we are saying Jesse's name and singing to him...know that he is always near. Death cannot take him, his essence, his spirit, his mark on your hearts and lives...nothing can take that away. He is an indelible piece of you and you, of him. Always. Forever a part of each other. May he send you signs in which to find new stores of oxygen to breathe. I hope that you get a day off to rest your spirit some.

Our Angels are very busy right now, receiving the new confused spirits whose lives were taken so quickly in the midst of a concert...our Angels will help them find their way, adjust to the new world that is theirs...and with their help, will find ways to let their families and loved ones know that they are safely found in heaven.

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Tinay   

Here I am listening to "better is one day in your court" holding my daughter's bag of ashes. Crying. This is what I have left. A bunch of ashes. This is all I have left to hold. All I have left to talk to. I don't want this to be all there is. I don't want this to be the end. I don't want to live 30+ years. 

I told my mom why I was jealous of her and dad and all she did was smile. That was a slap. How could she. 

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Becky.  I know you haven't been on here In awhile but I hope u are at least reading today.  I know today is Jareds angel date and I just want you to know I'm sending prayers and love your way. Kira's angel date is 2011 too so we are on the same year. I hope your precious boy finds a way to let you know he is ok and watching over his mama.  How has your eyesight been.?  Were you able to get out on your own at all?  I hope your lovely picture of Jared on the road makes people think to slow down. You have fought long and hard for justice for your boy.  If you can please post and let us know how u are doing.  Much strength to you today my friend.

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Kate, sorry I missed your request.  I just looked for whichever youtube video, brought it up. Copied the url and paste here.

 

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Thanks Dianne for thinking of me. I have always loved that song.

I just walked inside from several hours in my garden. I planted a few hundred narcissus bulbs as they are deer resistant. I always love to have something colourful  in the garden to look forward to seeing in the spring. 

LouAnn, what are your plans for Thanksgiving weekend? I hope you can get out and enjoy it as it is the last opportunity before the snow flies. They are calling for snow by Halloween in our area.

Thinking of everyone. Kate 

 

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JD.....JD.......ANGEL  IN  HEAVEN........SMILE DOWN ON YOUR MAMA AND DAD & FAMILY...

LET THE LOVE YOU ALL HAVE FOR EACH OTHER DWELL IN YOUR HEARTS, UNTIL

YOU MEET AGAIN.

THINKING OF YOU TODAY, BECKY, AND SENDING PRAYERS.

 

Laurie------thanks for the screenshot.  Yes, I agree.....all these little things that we do

to keep our dear children in our hearts & souls are , indeed, normal.  Thanks for the song, too.

 

Lesley------Yes, our dearly departed children will always be young.....always loved.

 

Tina-------Your sweet daughter sent you a message of love with the feather.  Many times, we get

these dear messages just when we least expect them.  Our sweet children are always looking

down on us.

 

LouAnn-------Always in our memories.....the child who left this world too soon.....and they

are always the age they were when they went to Heaven.  Peace to you.

 

Georgina------Oh dear friend, Georgina-----I'm so sorry you lost your dear mother.  It's always hard to lose 

a parent.  My own mom died over a year ago.  She's at peace now.  You have so many wonderful

memories of her and growing up. Keep them close to your heart.  Also, thanks for the background story

on your days with your sisters and the singing experiences....so interesting.   Bless your mum  who is

now with your dad, her sons, and dear James and sweet baby Peter.  Thoughts & prayers, friend.

 

Dee------Oh----the massacre in Las Vegas is truly horrifying, It's beyond most people's imagination

why anyone could plan and go through with such a senseless , hateful , and evil act.  Prayers for all

those poor victims and their families.

 

PEACE      AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   ------ Sherry

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Hi Kate.  I'm not sure yet if the boys will be home .i hope so.  As far as our families go my husband and I have been totally abandoned by them in respect to our loss.  If we express we need some help or are going thru a bad patch we are given the brush off.  I even reached out on Kira's birthday and I was so needing someone and got no answer.  They just act like she didn't exist, like she didn't matter.  It is so heart breaking for us.  When I told my sister yesterday that we still have problems with holidays and didn't know if we were coming.... her answer was.... ok.  I think they picked a date past which they would not allow us to grieve anymore.  Nobody will ask how we are doing or if we need anything. There is no acknowledgment of my precious girl at all. I have not decorated for any holidays since Kira died and probably never wil.  We rally the best we can for the boys though.  This is why I am so grateful for this site. When almost every single family and friend left us in the dust I stumbled on here and am so grateful for all of you.  Hope u are seeing your son and grand daughter. Nice weather here but I see Alberta has snow already.  Yuk. 

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Thank you Sherry you are right I do have lovely memories of lovely days with my very special mum. It's hard though as I phoned her everyday and missed that especially today. It just hit me.  Xx

DeeI love how you said our Angels are helping all the Angels finding their way  such a lovely thought as I hope that happened to James when he arrived xxx

Diane, Kate I love that song also haven't heard this version  thanks you xx 

Sandy I too love the song we're going to play it my mums funeral. Xx

Thinking of you today Becky JD send your mum a sign today let her know in her heart that your ok xxx

i thought I'd share this exactly right xx

 https://thelifeididntchoose.com/2017/10/02/you-cant-hide-your-heart-and-theres-no-points-for-pretending/

Gid Bless gxxx

 

 

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JD, JD, JD, we say your name and we know that your name is music to your Family, Jared Daniel,  beautiful Boy. Lord knows, and so do we, that JD is a force of good in this world, he shines so very brightly. He is shedding his light for you and the rest of the world...may we learn to live in the light left to us.

Becky, I so hope that your eyes are feeling better and that you and family have found a way to mark this date, this day, in Jared's Light.

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Sherry, I hate that hatred or mental illness is supported by the lax gun laws...that man had 12...TWELVE, bump stops in his hotel room, 12 ways to make his horrid killing machines, be able to act like a machine gun killing 4 or 5 times more people than his regular horrible guns. Somehow, this is also legal. OH MY GOODNESS! Why in the world is this okay? And to anyone I am offending through this I apologize, but really, when is the time to talk about gun laws? How does anyone think that it is way way way late? How many times must families face the death of their loved ones due to such horrific reasons. This is a political issue, though it would not be if our politicians would unite in the idea of life being precious. That life should not be at the whim of someone with a gun, that gun owners have rights beyond the lives of others...I am screaming this from my broken heart. How do we raise these young ones to respect life, to respect the world, when they are growing up in the midst of so much that doesn't make sense to the raising of healthy humans. Some states are having teachers learn how to shoot and encouraging them to carry to school! NO WAY! More guns around kids? No way.

Dianne, I wanted to say a few days ago, (but am so busy at school that I forget),that I appreciate the thought of Eri on the moon gave and still gives you a visual that makes you feel good...I love the graphic you found to go along with that thought. I am happy that My Girl with leg slung over the moon offers this to you.

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Thank you so much, dear ones, for remembering my baby boy, Jared Daniel with me today, on this day when he was taken from us 6 years ago today. We visited the cemetery and cleaned things up a bit and put some October decor there, then this evening, we went down the road where he was hit and killed, and we sat there in our car through the time it happened, again asking questions of the universe that remain unanswered. I think I am drawn back there because I so regret not being able to be there with him, to comfort him. About two weeks ago I discovered that there were still people commenting on the comments section of a news blog, still debating what happened. I feel like the next to last poster, who claims to be a relative of the driver, may be her son, who was only  9 at the time, so would now be 15, the same age as Jared when he was killed. Here is a link to that blog,

http://sbynews.blogspot.com/2011/10/delmar-teen-dies-in-traffic-accident.html?m=1 

 

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