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momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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All...I am ok. Christina and I are at my mom and dad's to check on them.

Went to Holy Hill today..it was very meaningful.

I will write more tomorrow as I am posting from my phone

Sendimg gentle thoughts to all

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Tinay, hope you are doing ok and hoping at this time you have found some source of assistance for you and your kids.  Positive thoughts sent your way.

Margo, hoping that your health and strength are returning and this finds you at work in front of your wheel letting the creative juices flow.

Laurie, glad to see you post. Hope you find your parents well.

Susan, thinking of you every time I turn on CNN and see the destruction across Florida and Texas. Seeing pictures of your little ggs Veto and Georgina's beautiful little granddaughters makes us remember that no matter how tough things are and what rocks we have to carry there are such good reasons to keeping going forward.

Lou ann, hoping you are finding some footing in peace---and that box of magic cookies is sent across the miles for you.

Dee, thanks for "holding my hand" and being a positive source of strength.  Hope your men are doing well and finding healing.

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Dianne, the men are healing...thank you. Tomorrow, my Son turns 36 which brings tears because I can't believe that it was that long ago and that I remember the moments of his coming ot me in crystal clear images, sounds, all. Just as I do in remembering my Girl, who today I am feeling all around me and I have ready tears, hard to hide. Some days are like this. A song tips off my spout of salt water and that is it...

Hope and Love to All,

 

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Devianz   

Hugs to you Dee. All events where a love one would have shined the brightest are difficult ones.  Take it easy, and know she is there shining her light on all of you.  It's music that gets me the most too, I have made a habit of carrying a hankerchief with me at all times now. I just fold it in my back pocket. It's the presence of autumn too, for me.  It's a season of big changes and it's always a reminder of things like big piles of raked leaves, and long mother-son walks in the many forest preserves here in Lake County.

Happy birthday to your son, and I am glad to hear that both your son and husband are mending well.

 

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shorty16   

Laurie,

You must be in Southern Wisconsin.  Holy Hill is very near me.  There is a huge art fair at Holy Hill this weekend.  

Weather is beautiful in SE Wisconsin.

Colleen, Brians Mom forever

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georgina gorgeous grangbabies you are very fortunate there.

dee sorry your water spouts have been triggered recently, does not take much sometimes does it, does not matter how much time goes by we will miss our kids forever. Hugs.

 

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Dee, there is something about the changing of the seasons that reminds us of how our lives are passing. Hang in there. I hope that tomorrow you will be able to gather and celebrate Jon's birthday with the kids.

Laurie, I remember your visit to Holy Hill last year. It is a yearly visit for you and your mom and sister... if I recall correctly?

We did indeed break all records with our temps the other day. Today is a very different story however. Cloudy and they are calling for much needed rain for the next few days. The leaves are just beautiful. I waken each morning to the sound of hunters duck hunting. Their shot gun blasts are pretty noisy. Hope they miss! 

I am thinking of everyone both old and new. 

Kate

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I hope that they miss too Kate...we talked today about how animals get placed on the endangered species list, and how sometimes the government takes animals off too soon, or wait until it is almost too late to place an animal on the list but how grateful that there is the list and what happens once an animal is on it. Good talk with 3rd graders, they are passionate protectors of the world. Fierce. I am glad that you are getting some well deserved rain. We are heating up now too, after some very cool and early autumn weather. I prefer the early autumn weather. However it will not get beastly hot so that is good, 83 on the weekend. We need rain as well. Have had very little.

Divianz, thanks for your sweet words too. How are you?

Oh thanks for the well wishes, it is the passing of time sometimes, the signal for migration soon for many of our winged  friends, the crisp sounds of leaves rustling...today I had Annie Lenox playing...NO MORE I LOVE YOU...that one just pulls my tears right from me. I don't mind having those easy to cry days, it often helps relieve the anxiety that holds up inside. I welcome my tears as a way that allows and honors those whose love we carry for all of time. Forever my Erica.

So I just now pulled a cherry pie from the oven...won't have time tomorrow to make it so I made it tonight for my Son's birthday tomorrow. It is his favorite dessert. I love pie, and I love making pie, rolling out the dough and smelling it as it bakes. Lovely. We will pick up the Grandies tomorrow at their daycare and bring them here to make some birthday cards for Daddy, and in thte mean time, their Mom and Dad will be at the CUBS game for his birthday. They will come here then after the game for dinner and pie. Hooray.

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Just stopping by to say hello and wish everyone a good evening.

It has been a trying week .   Monday we had a scare with my daughter Rachel.  She suddenly had symptoms that looked like she was having a stroke  and she experienced paralysis on her left side and it was very scary for a bit. At 36 years old it was terrifying for her.  She looked at me while we were waiting on the ambulance and asked me if she was dying. I had to stay strong for her and reassured her but it was like a knife to my heart when she asked that question.However after testing she didn't have a stroke but a very weird Migraine that presents with stroke like symptoms at onset.   I have never heard of this in all my years as a nurse.   She had the headache all week but we are all very thankful that she is ok and symptoms are now gone.

My younger brother was placed on Hospice yesterday.   He has been battling lung cancer for the past 4 months and is losing the battle.   I talked with him tonight and he is so sick.   I don't think it will be long.   Oh how I hate cancer.      

You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Have a good Friday and weekend.

Sandy

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Dee, I know what you mean about autumn. It was always my favorite time of year. Now it will always be connected to my loss....but the weather has been nice. We got a significant rain yesterday. I think the grass stood up and cheered. A baking pie in the oven sounds wonderful....hope the Cubs save a few runs for tomorrow. Seems like they win by a gazillion and the next day can't get a one. Sounds like a fun day tomorrow with a family gathering and the little ones. What I wouldn't give for that!

Kate, I could not take being able to hear hunters. I know they have the right and all but if I could I would take care of every animal... probably mess up something in the eco system but I would want to take care of them all. I would never be able to own a cattle ranch because I would keep them all.

Sandy,glad your daughter will be ok. What a frightening thing. Sorry to hear about your brother. 

 

 

 

 

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OH Sandy, I am so sorry for the fear that struck your family when Rachael got ill...so very glad that  it was not a stroke or a bigger event. What kind of migraine does such a thing. Prayers and relief for you All. And your brother, such sadness. Yes, I hate caner too, it has taken so many good humans from the world. Prayers for your Brother and you All as you face his leaving.

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Sandy, I am so sorry to hear that poor Rachael is having so many struggles with her health over these past couple of years. What a relief for everyone that it was not a stroke, but still very worrisome nevertheless. You must have been beside yourself with concern. I am also keeping your brother in my prayers for a peaceful passing. I, too, hate cancer as you could well imagine. It has invaded our family in a big way and I have seen many deaths due to it.  I have also seen the positive progress that research has made over these past few years if it is caught early. Why is lung cancer so difficult to diagnose at times? My good friend and neighbour died a year and a half ago from it... and try as she may could not convince them she was ill until they performed an exploratory. She was coughing like a mad fool and they kept giving her antibiotics. She was a doctor's dream in that she always did everything she was advised to do over her lifetime. Did not smoke, etc.. Yet, it was her time... and it spread like wildfire. It was only a matter of months... as it had spread to her bone and brain. They kept her very comfortable and she slipped away peacefully. I hope you are taking good care of yourself these days. I know how much you have on your plate to deal with. Make sure you do not get run down. Sending  hugs. Kate

 

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Somersky   

Hey there....sunny in BC hope it's sunny where you are. We dropped our daughter off halfway across the country to university..it was extremely hard! We are now "empty nesters" in one year from two kids to empty nesters!!! It's a lot!!!! I know Skylar is with his sister...I feel it. 

A strange thing happened yesterday ...I thought I would share since only this group would understand without being freaked out. I went into Skylar's room and the dogs would not go in for some reason? I sat on Skylar's bed :.i had my phone with me. I asked the dogs where Skylar was (I always do) at that time my phone rang and the number that came up was Skylar's old cell phone number. Of course I was by myself so I didn't answer it ...I was actually in shock and to be honest a bit scared.  I quickly left the room and closed the door. I texted the number back saying I was busy asking what they wanted but didn't get a response. I could have dwelled on it all day so I called the number back (I have Skylar's cell phone beside my bed and of course it is inactive) it was someone else's voicemail! What a coincidence that someone called me obviously wrong number but had been reissued Skylar's old number. I am also seeing a lot of feathers ...some at the front door. I guess I can look at them as signs....knowing he's ok.

its pretty quiet here...

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Dee....I so understand what you are feeling....those times are when we actually feel the passage of time....no matter how old my adult children are....I have double vision...for right beside them is that child when they were 3 or 6 or 12....

Yes...Harris county schools are at about 80% able to open their doors for students...but...it is huge...so the 20% is numerous. Our niece teaches in Ft. Bend County...it is huge...their school will be taking in many displaced students....we have many displaced teachers...it is mind boggling...but will get it all worked out in time. It will take years for restoration.

Thank you, Dianne....watching the devastation on TV is one thing...seeing it all up close...overwhelming....all Texans are hurting for Florida...and the Islands...beyond sad.

Sandy...what a scare.....has your heartbeat returned to normal ? Just grateful that she is on the mend. Migraines are so elusive in the side effects they bring on.

Somersky....when we were on the boat for John David's Angel date....right in front of the Lydia Ann Lighthouse....I looked in the water...and saw a large brown feather floating in the water below the boat....and then...a large white feather. Yes...I will take that as a sign from my boy. The phone call is very strange....but....am told that the energy a soul possesses can trigger electric/electronic devices...let yourself be open....

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Sommersky, i love the telephone sign...it is awesome. We had a member here a long while ago that also got the telephone signal with their dear Child's phone number showing up...how wonderful. I do believe it helps us remember that our Babies are just beyond a thin veil. THat our Babies are with us as we move forward, and that they are celebrating our going forward. LOVE IT.

Susan, wow to that about the feathers. I too would take that as a sign from your Sweet Son. Sometimes, we are right where we aer supposed to be. I am glad that the schools are opening but yes, those giant districts will have to pull thier resources and figure out how to deliver education to kids who are stunned by what happened, that can't be easy. Let me know if you know any third grade classrooms that can use a pen pal classroom.

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Somersky, I had a similar incident with a cell phone the day Jesse transitioned...it was about 10 that night and there was a text message on my phone that said 

Thanks...Jesse

Also, my son had never texted my phone before (in life)

It was where the phone number or contact name would have been. There was nothing else in the actual message area. It was not attached to any phone number. I tried to call it back, but nothing. 

I never had that happen on a cell phone since. However, on one of his angel birthdays since, I did have a pic of a dove attach itself as an avatar to Jesse's number by itself. No one had touched the phone. It had been sitting on my dining room table. Also, when that particular picture was taken my daughter was sure it was a sign from him. 

I consider these touch points from the heaven world...I always give thanks to receive such signs.

 

 

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Kate, Yes, I did take a similar trip last year. This year I took my daughter with. She really needed it after this last month. We walked the grounds, and there is a small cafe there with great food. It is one place where I feel safe enough to spiritual connect to a faith...

Colleen, the Holy Hill area is probably close to where you are....

On Synchonicity:

On Sept 2,  we received a final notice that the girl who ran over my son lost her appeal to the courts. She was still trying to place the blame on Jesse 5 years later. (also, nasty things about us were written too, such as we were trying to get the courts sympathy -- what a nut her attorney is, my son dies and no one should feel bad?!?). What is most important to us that the events that actually happened that day now stand legally. My husband after receiving this letter, came to his work to tell his co-worker/friend. He shared, that without our District Attorney's help and commitment --  the truth would never had come out, and lies would have stayed in place.

My husband's co-worker, told him,  that the District Attorney, Gerald Fox died that Monday, Sept 4. Though we missed his funeral, I was able to light a candle for him in the Prayer Room of Holy Hill. I would not be surprised if Jesse was one of his greeters. Gerald passed of a sudden heart attack at a Boy Scout event. We are forever grateful to his assistance.

***********************************************************************

 

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Somersky, that phone call is a sign and you were attuned to it. I believe without a doubt.  I have been fortunate enough to have had some signs since I lost Michael.  He died the day after Thanksgiving and the following year on Thanksgiving we were woken to a song playing.. "How to Save a Life".... Music was always a big part of our household.  I got up and looked in all the rooms.  My husband thought I turned on the radio.  The radio by the bed was not on.  Of course, it is winter at that time so no windows open. We unplugged the radio anyway, and the song continued. Another was a dragonfly that hung out on our deck.  The seasons were changing and the weather was a little cooler and this red dragonfly would come whenever we went out on the deck and sit with us until we went in.   Another... we were driving to Wyoming and started talking about Michael being there with us (my daughter lives there).  And up in the sky we saw a cross. Not just a regular cross but an orthodox cross (my paternal side is orthodox).  And the last was a plant I had received from some friends when Michael's dog died (this occurred before his loss). I am not a plant person  but since the plant was given in friendship for Michael's dog I have kept and tended to it.  In the middle of the plant was a Willow angel holding a dog. One day after I had watered it I  said to my husband I should trim this back because you can barely see the angel.  The next morning the angel was moved to the front of the plant.  I have been fortunate that my husband also shared all of these things because he would have thought me crazy.  All I can say is Believe.  Skylar was reaching out to you to let you know he was there with you.  Interesting about the feather.  I have had a single feather dropped on my covered porch for the last several mornings. Not a bunch like a hawk got a bird but a single feather every morning.  

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Sandy, prayers for healing for your girl. 

Dee, good news for your husband and son. 

Kate, more prayers for your husband....holding your hand.

Susan, sending you lots of prayers for Texas!

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Somersky   

My husband is out of town and I told him...his response was "why do those things happen when I'm not around?" Dave is a lot more conservative that way...funny the day before Skylar passed away he said that my husband and sister were "squares" and he and myself think outside the box. Yes...I was open to the sign and received it. Today there is a bit of an aftershock...was he trying to get through to me for a reason? Or just say he's around?  

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Thank you everyone for sharing your stories about your signs. It is so comforting to know that others share in these beautiful gifts given to give us courage to continue.

Thank you to all for thinking about us this past week. We are still waiting for the biopsy results. As always he is keeping busy and positive as to the outcome. Always the optimist.

I have many signs that I have shared over the past several years, but this has to be my favourite and most precious. It was a fall day that reflected my mood. Grey and gloomy. The skies were heavy and threatened rain at any moment. I had decided to have lunch with a friend from our church whose Mom had also recently passed away. When she arrived she asked me where I would like to go. We live in a rural area... but have several small towns that have lovely tea houses for lunch. We had all the time in the world and I suggested a lovely spot that is a heritage home located in a small spot approximately a forty minute drive away. It started to rain cats and dogs as we walked to the car. When we arrived my friend dropped me at the front of the building while she parked her car. I ran in and asked for a table. The place was packed...but they still had their summer addition functional and we were seated at a table at the back corner of the room. We settled in for a nice visit and were approximately half way through our meal when two women entered the room with a young boy. They were seated not far away. After some time I started to notice  one of the women watching me with interest. I started to feel uneasy. The other woman got up and took the little boy from the room by his hand. This woman started to walk towards us. She hesitated for a second and then continued towards us. She mentioned that she had a message. That she was not supposed to do this...whatever that means. Then my friend jumped in that her mom had recently died... the woman just shook her head and stared directly at me. She asked me if I had had a young man die recently? Well, I started to shake. My knees went weak and thank heaven I was seated or I would have fallen over for sure. She told me that he was insistent that she give me this message. He was standing right there beside me. My friend reached down and held my hand firmly and asked if I was OK. I knew in an instant that it was my boy. He kept his promise that if something ever happened to him that if he was able he would let me know he was alright.  The entire room fell silent. There was a table of ladies not far away and they heard every word. One of them appeared to be frightened. The waitress was standing in a small area just beside our table. When she came over I asked her if she had ever seen them before. She told me she had never set eyes on them in her life. Now they were not people that drew attention. In fact they were very ordinary in their appearance. But for one thing...this young woman had the most beautiful smile and her eyes were something you could lose yourself in. Time stood still when she spoke. This is no way could have been previously set up or planned. This spot did not read tea leaves or any of that stuff. This was just pure and simple...a devine message given to offer support and help to get through the next period of hardship. Two months later my husband was diagnosed with end stage three colon cancer and faced major surgery and chemo. I am convinced that Jeff was allowed to let us know he was right there along the way of our journey to support us. God does work in wonderous ways.  

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Somersky   

Omg....that song..how to save a life...it's my daughters favourite song. It's a beautiful song...with heartfelt lyrics.

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Lou ann   

2 am. Sleep is totally lost to me now. It used to be the only time I wasn't hurting. Glad to hear so many of uhave had signs from your precious babies. There should be a rule that when god takes a child he takes the mother too. Cause the cruelest thing god ever did was take my daughter but the second cruelest thing was to leave me behind to live with it.  

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Louanne, I am so sorry for the lack of sleep. My belief of God does not make him/her to be the one to take our Kids, but rather the one-ONE that provides a space where the energies can be, to gather and always be. Always. God did not put my Daughter on the train tracks at a broken crossing when an Amtrak was rounding the corner...God did not make the hurricane hit some and not others, or cause terrorists to make their horrid plans, or tsunamis to wipe out whole civilizations, rather these are acts of nature and human actions. My Daughter did not look to her right that night, the broken light caused by a blown fuse was due to someone not doing his job. HUMAN conditions. But I do feel her energy and her love and I try very hard to live my life in ways that make her proud. We do lose all control when we lose a Child or when a Hurricane destroys our lives or anything that makes us realize that we really never had control to begin with. It causes some of us to say, OH, all I have is this moment and so i am going to try to live it well and strong and with hope...we never had control. It leaves us feeling very vulnerable doesn't it, but really, it also can allow you to find what is good in a day and make small celebrations for those little good things. When we let go of thinking we have or had control of our Kids' lives, we realize that we are parents whose hearts are broken because something bad occurred but it wasn't within my control to change it, to make it different, it was in fact, our of my hands, our hands, it was never what we wanted or desired, it was instead, the saddest thing in the world and if we could change it we would, but alas, all we can do in the light of our Children, is live on this earth a life of goodness and service and love.

Kate, that story from years ago is such a wonderful one, so glad taht you shared it again...it offers so much hope for folks.

Laurie, I think that Carol from Massachusetts also had a similar phone contact like you had. I think that it is astoundingly wonderful. What a great communicator that Boy of yours is.

Somersky, same with my husband but the night Eri died, six days after she was struck, my husband, (stepfather to my kids) saw the cloud that looked like ERICA, he saw the sun set through her big wonderful cloud body in the sky and turn this amazing shape of her bright pink as her big hands, (she had big hands) reached out for this other big cloud formation, and as it formed more and more, it was a big mans' face smiling. She was reaching heaven, she was letting us know with the color of the skies and the shape of her with her dreadlocks all around her head, that she was reaching heaven. We stood in the parking lot of a motel in Kalamazoo, Michigan, (I did not want to leave that town the same day she died, I felt I needed to stay  in the town she loved so much before going home. She and My Son had lived together with friends at a house they rented.) My husband and I cried and watched  and I would not go inside until the last of the pink was out of the sky...my phone rang and it was my sisters and nieces, they were driving home after leaving the hospital the day Eri died, back to Chicago area, crying and saying that they were in Indiana and saw ERica in the sky. So ERica let us know, and when I went into the hotel room the tv news was on and the first thing I heard? Hurricane Erica is a storm out in the Pacific. There she was again, letting me know. And one of her favorite songs...mine too, You are like a hurricane, there's a storm in your eye...Neil Young. Oh my Girl lets' me know.

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