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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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Lesley, May your Tommy bless  you with his love and light on this special date. I know that his date will always hold a place in your heart. I hope our Angels are partying together for Tommy's birthday.

Susan, I hope that the trip and gathering is as it has been in the past; filled by great love and friendship...and how special to have Veto's first trip to the special place. And yes, a life well lived. Right On John David for your sweet and kind manner and the way you gather everyone under your love.

Laurie, May you feel Jesse everywhere you are today...he is with you through it all. May you feel the special-ness of the day because it is 'Jesse Day.' I hope that your Mom heals...I am sure that she appreciates your assistance.

Somersky, I went back to teaching when the summer break was over, I had about 5 weeks from the time Erica died to the date of our return to school. I was unsure as to if I could do it, but in so many ways, teaching kids helped me remember one of my purposes in life, and those 6 hours a day of KID-Time, provided me time to focus on life, the lives of children, the lessons we needed to build, the ways I would love them. That group graduated from college this summer, so many years and so many dreams later. I am glad that you do what you love, we are lucky you and I, that we find goodness in our daily jobs.

 

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thank you everyone for thinking of me on my boy's birthday yesterday. The support and love really helps. I find Tommy's birthday difficult but strangely a bit happier because I think of his birth and memories flash through my mind. I still cannot look at old photos. Spent the day at home too wet to leave the house but all my kids called me and although tears were shed it was healing. When I am struggling I just isolate myself at home because those are the days I crave solitude and can't talk to anyone I just need peace and silence. Now it is another day the sun is peeping out and I have to get myself moving again. Got to go upto my parents and say goodbye to my sister and family who leave for texas tonight. It will be 3 years until I see them all again due to cost of flights etc. it has been interesting seeing them but also illustrates how I am not the same person I was before. It seems more of an effort to be loving to people I deeply care about and my emotions feel strangely blunted. I guess that is what grief does to you.

Susan and laurie i hope you made it through ok, it is just a day but what a day it is to go through.

Tinay glad to see you back its been a while.

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So sorry I'm late with these but you and our angels are always in my heart. 

I've been so ill still undergoing tests and had to cancel my trip over to the USA which my sister who lives in NJ had treated me to.  Will catch up I promise xx              

Lots of Love xxx

 

IMG_4115.JPG

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John David, with all the love being sent to you today,share a special sign with your family and take them into your heavenly embrace.  

kindness.png

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Thunder is echoing off the clouds, a promise of big storms...it is the first day of Lalapalooza so it may get off to a rocky start with storms predicted on and off all evening. I am sitting here watching the sky change colors and thinking of you all, knowing your hearts and all the ways that you have had to rebuild. I am proud of you/us. We have worked to find our steps, to learn to walk and breathe at teh same time let alone, work, take care of others, cheer for others...we know what it means to use our whole selves don't we? Be proud, our Kids sure are.

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Diane I am also homesick for the place you describe my life was so different then. I'm so yearning for James my heart aches.

I hadnt been able to go to the grave daily as I normally do, my husband has, 

I went today and felt a great sadness overwhelm me, it felt different in my heart, I have been so ill trying to get back on my feet and for a few days completely out of it with temps in the 40's, I found it hard to cope burst into tears it's like my mind won't let me accept what my heart feels. As usual I can't explain how I feel I find it hard to put into words. 

Dee I like and am encouraged by your words and it made me think about how we have had to work hard to find those steps to move forward and how we do everyday one day at a time xx

I thought you would be interested in this. God Bless 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cora-neumann/no-one-tells-you-this-about-loss-so-i-will_b_10154122.html

 

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Georgina, I am sending the most positive thoughts and prayers for your recovery.  I, too, am a sepsis survivor.  It is a long haul. My infectious disease doctor could not believe I was able to even talk during that time.  I had a blood pressure of 46/30 and was in Intensive Care for quite a while.  But I got better.  I know you will too. James and Peter are walking with you. We are all with you.  I beat the odds and you will too.... our boys would not let it be any other way. 

survive.JPG

with you.JPG

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Thanks Diane I'm sorry you've had Sepsis as well. Mine was caught early but I've been so ill. I'm on so much medication I can hardly function. Take care diean love the pics gxxx

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georgina take heart you will get better it just takes time. As for being homesick for your children we all are, it is like the world as we know it is forever altered and we also have to cope with a different us because we also have forever altered. being unwell has lowered your coping systems and let the grief sneak back in whilst you are so vulnerable. As you improve healthwise i am sure your low mood will decrease. I am glad my son's birthday is over and I can beef myself up for the really tough date of his angelversary also this month. The angelversary is incredibly difficult to handle. Still I was comforted to hear from all of you guys and seeing some of Tommy's friends posting on his wall. My sister and her 4 kids left today for their home in Texas. It was great to see them and spend time with them esp seeing Stefan my Tommy look alike. it was healing to see him and hopefull will desensitise me for future meetings with random people who have that very distinctive flame red hair.

dee I am proud of all of us too. It takes great strength to open up about our children and our personal battles with grief and depression and by sharing we help to heal each other. I am sure all our kids are friends too and are looking down at us and rejoicing that we are finding our way through together. Love is the strongest power there is and the most pure. how amazing that we all found our way here to this site at different times through the years.

 

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Lesley thank you. I don't think the grief will ever leave me. We are still in the middle of our fight for justice and getting nowhere fast. One of the reports came through on what Hems did for him and I can't read it. I seem to have lost my strength I just can't at the moment I'm not sure I want to know all the fine details because I can never take them back. 

I know it must be so hard to have the Angelversary so close .  We're coming up to that soon and then it never stops Birthday Christmas Peter,s Birthday/ Angelversary its such a hard journey. God Bless xx

 

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Georgina, please do take extra special care of YOU> and I agree, once you see the details you can never unsee them, so I applaud you to know that this is not the time for that. You need to build up your stamina and immune system. What is the plan for next steps in your health?

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Fabulous article by the way Georgina, thank you for that. It is so.

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shorty16   

Hello my friends,

John David, Tommy, and Jesse...We will forever say their names loud and clear.  We will hug the Moms...with a knowing-embrace.  No words needed.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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Laurie, how is your Mom doing today? How are you managing with everything? 

Georgina, sometimes not reading the exact details is a blessing in disguise. I know we sat at our family Doc who had requested the autopsy results. He then interpreted them for us...but added his own twist on things. I am haunted by those words to this day. "He did NOT have to die." What a load to carry this past seven and a half years. Let your heart be at peace... as your son most definitely is. We can not bring them back. 

Diane, I love the last photo of the lab pups. That was our girl at two months of age. They are such a great breed for families. She became a loyal and very much loved and devoted friend. Boy, was she ever there when we needed her... offering her support throughout the illnesses and deaths. Angels in disguise!

Sending warm wishes for a peaceful and hopefully healthier weekend to all.

Kate

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Thankyou Dee I am waiting for the consultant to decide what to do next. He is going to have a meeting with a few specialists at a once a month meeting they have.  I'm still ill but the pain meds are helping me cope   They won't do anything straight away as I had sepsis and I'm still on strong antibiotics.  I thought the artical was good too xx

Kate how awful for you to have to carry what you were told on top of baring  your grief. We have the autopsy results too but have never looked at them I do want to know but just Carnot bare to know either. Thankyou Kate xxx

God Bless to all Georgina xx 

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Georgina it is a tough decision to make as to whether you read the medical reports etc or not. What is seen cannot be unseen which is why autopsy photos are never included in the final report that can be viewed by family members. Kate made a good decision to have her doctor read and interpret the details for them that seems a sensible choice. I am a former nurse and I knew reading my son's autopsy report was key to helping me. It was hard to read but gave me peace because I then knew all his injuries and unlike poor Kate there was no possible chance of survival for my son. There is not a right or wrong choice it is a personal decision. keep in mind and ask yourself why it would be beneficial to know more details and would knowing the injuries and treatment etc cause you more distress. I know HEMS would have totally fought to save a life as would the doctors and nurses, noone ever likes to lose a patient. I have seen staff break down on several occasions because a young life could not be saved. The best decisions are made very quickly with a deteriorating patient in their best interest but occasionally with afterthought (and it is much easier to do with afterthought and no time factor) perhaps an alternate decision could have proved a different outcome. It is so so hard when grieving as you want to find someone or something to blame to focus the anger and injustice on and deflect the pain of reality with anger. You want to ensure that those possible mistakes or oversights or whatever are recognised so that no one goes through what you all have. all the emergency personnel have their cases examined closely to ensure there was no error etc and if there was they are usually consequences. Ultimately tragically there will never be a different outcome for our lost children but I hope that you both get answers Georgina and dee and are able to effect changes if there was negligence or improper medical treatment. from a nursing perspective i will also say that sometimes there is no satisfactory answer as to why someone dies it just happens despite the best treatment, there is no rhyme or reason. We were just the very unlucky families.

Thank you collen and laurie your kind words of support mean a lot to me. It really helps to have people recognising the difficulty we suffer on the birthday and angelversary of our children. a parent never forgets but it seems often the rest of the world does and to have friends like you all who are positively offering care and support is an incredible gift. i think we were all guided here to help each other by fate, given a lifeline to save us from drowning in grief. In that respect we are lucky, there are too many other bereaved families out there who are suffering alone, friendless and afraid, isolated and desperate. We have our tribe here that is a gift.

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I do believe that as a parent we all feel a deep need to know the details of the last moments of our child's death. We all desperately need to hear the words that they did not suffer. To hear the words that Jeff had a heart strong as an Ox and was in great physical condition apart from being slightly overweight and would likely live for years was not what I needed to hear. But that was what it was... and it can't be undone. It is out in the open. I asked for the truth and I got it. What a tragic loss of a young life. I live with it every moment of the day. It would be a good choice to have your family physician read the autopsy results for you. They can somehow soften a deeply painful reality. Once you know then you have to personally deal with it... like it or not. 

It is really busy here this weekend. The weather could not be more perfect for the Icelandic Festival. We are just about to take our chairs down to the beach to sit and read. Pure bliss.

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Speaking of reading Kate, I am reading a book by Lily King called Euphoia and I love it. I have not read her before but it is historical fiction loosely  based on Margaret Mead's work learning about island cultures. I also read a very complicated book this summer that I liked very much called: This Must Be The Place. Fiction too, very involved and very good. I have read others that were okay, but some that I put down because just not good enough. What I miss when I am back in school, is that midday reading in my lawn chair. It really speaks to complete relaxation to me. Ihope you enjoy. As far as hearing from the docs, I remember asking for the absolute truth, Eri was still alive but we knew she could not live long like that, brain stem nearly severed...and I remember when the trauma doc said, her heart is so so strong and good, her lungs are great, she is such a healthy girl...I remember walking away saying, she is such a healthy girl but she can't stay alive. Her heart was going to go to a 10 year old boy in Michigan if we were able to give it, but due to her being off oxygen for an hour prior to dying, it was compromised. Her eyes, her bones, heart valves...all that could be shared was. I always wonder about that 10 year old boy and wonder if he got a heart...I sure hope so.

A beautiful day here, going to babysit tonight so I may need a nap later. School starts on the 21st...my the summer passes quickly.

Georgina, Ihope that the sepsis is gone for good and that you are going to be fine.

Laurie, how is your Mom doing?

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You know that Eri lives on in her generous gift to others. I am a strong believer in organ donation.

Thanks for the advice on the books. Will check them out. Have a good time with the kids tonight. Must get moving.

Kate

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Hello all,

I started a post about a week ago and fell asleep while writing it and never finished it.     I have been very busy lately and have not been able to get on and read or post as much but have now caught up on reading.  Shannon, I am so sorry about your friend and am remembering you as well as her family in my prayers.   Diane I can think of nothing that you ever said that would upset anyone,   It is good to see you.     Things have been very busy around here.  Thanks Kate and Dee for asking about us.   Dementia is an ugly disease and we continue to travel this journey with Kelly. My heart has been missing my Sarah intensely the past couple of weeks and I think it is due to all the busyness and the needs of everyone at home and at  work.  It is nothing new and I know I will be better again.  Well, I am rambling I think and am at risk for falling asleep again so will go for now.  Please know I think of each of you daily and wish  you a good rest and a good Sunday tomorrow.

Sandy

 

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Devianz   

Thought I'd try to get on and at least let you guys know I'm ok. They took out... a lot of things. Turns out that I had been riddled with not only adhesions but adenomyoma and leimyoma throughout the walls of my uterus and they did have to do some intervention with other organs as well.  The pathology was mostly good, but there were a few malignancies, but they believe they got it all.  I have a PET scan on Monday to make sure, and then we'll come up with a treatment plan if any is needed at all.  They think they caught everything early enough.

My advice to others is that if you are feeling physical pain along side your emotional and mental pain, go see a doctor. I should have gone in right away and instead I suffered a year with pain and bleeding that could have been helped. I believed it was from the stress, and indeed stress can cause great illness.  It's better to go and get it taken care of so that at least you don't have to be fighting the pain on all fronts.

My love to you all. Thanks so much for your prayers and well wishes. Hugs

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Sandy, thank you.  I am just trying to get to a "better place" and understand that things hit grievers differently.  This forum has been a lifeline for me and those who have helped me, like yourself, can never be replaced or forgotten. 

Margo, glad your surgery is behind you and you can be on the other side of healing. Prayers sent your way for a good outcome on your PET scan.

Sort of feeling a little alone and anxious as things just seem to be crumbling. Feeling a two steps back kind of time and no identifiable triggers for it. 

 

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Hang in there Dianne! The days can be so difficult at times. Know that we are sending love and wishes that things will soon improve.

Margo, best wishes for a great outcome tomorrow on your Pet scan. I agree that stress can cause serious illness and your health should never be put on the back burner. Also, do not let them always put things down to stress. We know our bodies best and also know when something is just not right. Please let us know how things go.

Sandy, it is good to hear from you. You have a lot on your plate to deal with. I hope that you are making time for yourself to relax at some point during the week. Dementia in a family member that we care for can be extremely draining on our own well-being. I hope those grandchildren of yours provide a really happy distraction. Sending "HUGS" your way.

Laurie, how is your Mom?

Shannon are things OK your way?

We had a lovely time sitting on the beach yesterday. In fact I was so tired last night from all of the fresh air and sunshine that I slept through the fireworks display that a neighbour set off. I must have been tired!  It is another fantastic day. Intense blue skies, slight breeze and perfect temps. We are off to the Farmers Market shortly and then into Gimli to check things out. Love to all for a good day.

Kate

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