momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

60,597 posts in this topic

Thank you for being there it means a lot to know others can relate...a group that not everyone wants to belong to. Doctors ignored his signs but I have to try and look beyond that...he has a sister going to university this year and I know he is so proud of her. I have flashbacks to that morning though and still cannot quite believe he's gone. My heart hurts..and it's sad because people are so afraid to mention his name. Over 800 people came to his service...he left a legacy in his short amount of time here. I live in White Rock British Columbia. I would love to share another picture...the last picture is his graduation dance I got to have with him

 

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Devianz great photo handsome boy. i missed you posting.

Tinay we are always here no words fall on deaf ears. Even if you are not always mentioned by name  (there are so many of us to mention sometimes!) you are always a valuable group member.

Somersky i am sorry for your tragic and sudden loss. Sadly cardiac deaths often occur out of the blue without warning. Sometimes there is a genetic link and testing for your family is a good idea, but often it is undiagnosed until after the event. It is so difficult to accept a young healthy person who is full of life and not even reached their peak can be snuffed out so fast. Your boy was so handsome love the pictures. Also the fact that you were able to raise money in Skylar's memory is awesome what did you put it towards? Flashbacks are common it is just one of the unpleasant things we need to work through. I too am almost into my second year and have been feeling more depressed. I guess it all sinks in a bit more, the reality is our children are not coming back and we know we have a lifetime of silent sorrow. Not many people mention my Tommy either even my family but is is ok as long as we do their memory stays alive. We all know our children are still out there by our side knowing they are loved and loving us back we just cant see them for now. I am glad you reached out and joined us you are definitely in the right place here.

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Somersky, we love photos. I love the dance photo, You and your Son are so alike, that smile! What a pretty woman you are, just as he is so handsome. Thanks for sharing with us.

 

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Somersky.....when I see photos of a beloved child.....I can 'almost' see the halo of bright promise....your boy is handsome...and I see Mama Love all around him. I lost my boy, John David, in 2012....he was 42.....and now I have this deep empathy for other parent's that has lost a child...it goes deep and I actually have a physical hurt for others. We are just a group of parents that has lost a child...(some on this site has lost 2)....we are not professional counselors..or therapists...we come here to be understood....for there is simply nothing that can prepare a parent for this kind of grief....and there is no way you can explain this kind of grief unless you live with it. I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child...and the parents on this site has been a gift to me...for they walk in my shoes and reach out to me with words of care and compassion. Some days are good...some days are better....some days are bad...some days are worse. No matter what kind of day or week I am having....there will be a parent or parents on this site that understand. There is no easy way to walk this grief journey...it helps to have someone who walks the same path with you.

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 Somersky. I am sorry for the loss of your precious Sklyer.  I can so so relate to your tragedy. Six years ago my 17 year old daughter collapsed in the shower. Ultimately she drowned as the water somehow started filling up in the tub.  Somethimg made her collapse though. Autopsy showed nothing abnormal but a cardiologist told me he thinks it was sudden cardiac arrthymia.  Thing is my daughter was perfectly healthy.  Good eater,  very athletic, no complaints of any kind of pain or discomfort. I heard a thump at one time but did not respond. In hindsight I know that was her falling and thus have this guilt to carry with me forever. Just as my Kira, your Skylar looked so strong and healthy. She too was looking forward to university and all that life ahead of her. Lots of people told me that year 2 would be the worst but in six yrs I cant really remember what each year was like. We carry it with us forever.  You have found the right place to come to. I have only been here since April but wisdom  and kindness shown here have really helped pull me thru. Post as much and often as you want and send as many pictures of your beautiful boy that you have. We are all her to hold your hands or send out hugs or anything you Need. If you want a call sometime or email let me know. I will always be here for you. I know that pain of losing a child in such a sudden and unexpected way  . Especially when tjiet lives were just taking off.  I live in Ontario. My sister lives in b.c. there is another mom here from Winnipeg. Please keep reaching out. We will help you. Hugs

 

 

 

 

 

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Thank you for all the warm comments ...you are all so amazing. Skylar's fundraiser proceeds went to KidSport ..an organization to fund kids who can't afford extracurricular sports. We have also started a little scholarship in Skylar's name . Our daughter is going to Western which is a university half way across the country which is very tough but I think she feels she has to go far away from here for now. My kids are my everything and I feel that void of Skylar and I guess my heart is catching up with what my brain already knows and it's not right. My biggest fear was losing Skylar ... he reminded me so much of my brother who was killed in a car accident.. our relationship was different it was like I knew him from before. I still can't believe he died on his birthday ...I don't understand ...

i am so thankful I can post pictures of Skylar here and share him with you all and learn of your children too. I got a tattoo which is shocking as my pain threshold is very small but for some reason I didn't feel a think that day I'm sure he was there with me. "Skyballercash" was his basketball nickname thought I'd share my memorial tattoo. The sweet peas are the April flower..they also mean "goodbye"

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Once again haven't had time to read but see those last pictures posted of a beautiful beautiful boy. I am so sorry that you and all of the new folks here hawe had to find their way here. I am glad you have come and hope you are able to find comfort and understanding here that is so hard to find "outside". I know the people here have pulled me through many rough patches.

I am posting a pic of my dog Brody and our new puppy Baserri.  I love animals but have never particularly been a dog fan. These are border collies and I have this week found caring for them to have filled a spot in my heart that needed filling. Just somehow they are making me feel cared about and made me feel really nurturing. I don't know I have read scientic research that says petting dogs is good for you. Just thought I would tell you guys about it because it might be useful to someone and truly no one else will really get how important something that gives me comfort is. 

Btw picnic was good will post a pic of that too. Love you all so much.

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I too have never been a dog fan never had one growing up but got a brother and sister for the kids. Cocoa and latte (the dogs) waited for Skylar to go to bed the night before and slept with him all night ..they were also there on his lap lying on him when he passed away of sudden cardiac death. I was in the next room for only a minute and I am surprised they never barked or let me know something was wrong. I was one minute too late I worked on him and felt his breath go into my lungs holding him I knew he was gone but hoped for a chance. Here is a picture of the two monsters ..lol They are tiny considering Skylar was 6 foot 6 and my husband is 6 foot 5 I'm 6 feet and my daughter 5 foot 8. We have the tiniest dogs..but it is like they knew Skylar was going to pass away. He was never too old to build sand castles as you can see. I just worry now about my daughter I don't want the same thing happening ..our system is so slow having to wait for testing.

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Gretchen, it is so very good to see you here today...with two dogs. So adorable. I love border collies, they are fantastic dogs, devoted and loving. Animals provide so much for the human spirit, often times reminding us that some things, like love, is much more simple than we make it out to be.

 

Here's a poem, I have way way way many, I love to write, this one may be good for those newer here:

Altering

 

I must shift the load I carry,

I will one day hold it like a jewel,

the jewel of my Child,

he/she isn't heavy,

but the missing is.

 

Nothing would ever feel so cumbersome. Nothing will ever be so sharp.

 

I will feel the load shift when I hold it differently,

when I learn to allow my memory to carve a cradle in which to rock,

and when I teach my heart to beat to the sound of my love again,

and when I realize that the wind on my face, the moon in the sky is a gift from heaven,

and when I see that the seasons changing are still a miraculous event,

and when I hear my Dear Child whisper to me in my dreams,

 that all is well,

then that load will shift and I will wear her/him like the jewel that they will always be.

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I have to say this still speaks to me 6 years down the road. You have stated so beautifully how we try to fit this love and grief into our lives. I am still working on wearing mine only as a shining jewel but I will get there. It is different to see how you change and grow around the loss of your child. Impossible to explain to others probably. When I was suppose to pick up my pup it was delayed a few days because the owner, a high school teacher had 6 students in a car accident, 5 from one family. 4 were unbuckled in the back seat and were all ejected from the car. One girl was dead at the scene the other 3 air lighted out. Ugh.

They had done a memorial at the site and a T-shirt and blood drive. One child in a body cast the others pretty much holding their own. Waiting for the sister to get out to have funeral. I got this news the day after the picnic. I kind of unraveled for a couple hours but got my footing quickly. It was just so tragic.

Somersky lovely pics. My son Forest's best friend died a year ago leaving a wife two girls and 2 dogs just like that. They also were laying with Andrew when they found him. Sweet little loyal things.

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Hi All,

Steves 35 th birthday will be Monday  7/17/17

i went all over 2 states trying to find a Winnie the Pooh birthday balloon for him and I made his flowers to put out Monday 

sorry I haven't been on here much the baby is still in nicu and quite time consuming hopefully he will come home in August he's 38 weeks and 6 lb but can't breath on his own without oxygen so he can't drink bottle gets milk with tube feeds still.Steve says the babies his god son ,although my husband will be standing in for him here 

i hope everyone is doing well and welcome to the new members 

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 Kate. So today is your Jeffs birthday. How old would he be? Is there anything in particular you are doing today.  I hope your Jeff leaves you lots of signs that he is there with you. Birthdays are so heart crushing to get thru.  Jeff, shine your light down on your mama today and let her feel your loving arms around her. 

Dee.  Good luck with ERI fest.  Is this where her friends and family gather around to celebrate her?

Somersky my son's had to go for heart testing too.  My oldest son went to western. We live close to there and it is a good school and very nice city. I can be your daughters Angel mom in Ontario. 

Devianz.  Nice picture of your son. Stay strong as you have the 25th and 31st coming up.  We will all be here for you.

Lesley. I think you are so right about the effects of grief on mind, body and soul. I just feel I have aged so very much in 6 years. I feel more like 86 than 56.  I'm sure if I ever got a disease I would have no ability to fight it off.

Tinay. Am so sorry for your friends young son and the girl who died in the van accident. There was a fire in Ontario Friday that took the life of a 7 year old boy. His mother had already died in a farm accident and the father was too distraught to go on tv.  I think these deaths hit us especially hard as we know what is ahead for these parents . Have the lawyers decided to take Kionas case yet. I'm sure that must be stressful. Your words will never fall on deaf ears. Remember I can always call or email you if you need any extra support. Take care my friend. 

Susan. Your John David is so handsome. Helooks like a young Paul Williams off of young and the restless.  Your grandson is so very cute too. So sad to see the picture of him with his dad and then the one of him by himself.  Thanks for sharing. 

Becky, how is your eyesight? R u getting out at all now. Hope Jasmine still likes her job. 

Colleen. Hope you are able to relax a bit and enjoy the rest of your summer. Good for you yougot thru those 2 dates again.  

Georgina. How are things going with your health and Charlotte s.  R uhaving surgery?

Darcy, Amy Anne, Rainey. Jennifer.  How are you all doing. Darcy your baby must be due soon hope all is well.  

Love you all.  Hugs Luanne

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Somersky, I love your pictures of your son. What a handsome young man he is. I am so sorry for your loss. Please keep sharing with us and know you have found a great place to come to be understood.

Gretchen, I love the new pup! What a cutie.

Steve's Mom...Oh, I wish I had known. I live a hour drive from Winnipeg and head into the city regularly. We are the home town of Winnie The Pooh. They have a huge collection of stuff at the Children's Store at The Assiniboine Park Zoo.

Dee, thank you for sharing your poems and I hope that today is a bright and sunny day reflecting the spirit of your wonderful girl.

Lou Ann, thank you for thinking of me. We are keeping it quiet today. We are now almost eight years this Christmas into the time he died. He would have been 36 today. He died at 28. It still hurts like heck. Much like a scab with the sore just below the surface. Still, we keep on going. One day at a time and it is amazing how quickly the times passes. We'll take a walk into his memorial bench site as it is a really beautiful day today.

Georgina, and Becky...thinking of you. Take each day at a time and let us know how things are going.

Love to you ALL.

Kate

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JEFF- JEFF- JEFF,

Let your love shine upon your Mum and Pop today, each day, but especially today, the date that brought such joy to your family.Sing and dance today with all of our angels...I will send you wishes with our balloon launch...

Kate and Ross, may you shed the weight of the stresses of the last few weeks and allow the peace of this holy date to fill you fully.

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Oh Sweet heavens Gretchen, I am so sorry for the sadness that this terrible accident brings to the surrounding area...to your soul too. What a sadness and I will also give thought to these families as we ponder our hard times.

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For all of our Angels and especially in the light of birthdays and anniversaries, one of the best songs ever written...

 

 

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gretchen glad your dogs help you heal. I believe it is the mother instinct that makes us want to nurture things again after loss and it definitely soothes the soul. Animals always love and never judge and are always happy to see you.

dee glad you are ok. hope the balloon launch goes well and Erica sees them all for her. Your poem was lovely thanks.

kate birthdays are still hard aren't they? just the hard fact that we cannot ever celebrate with that child again whilst on this earth is still shattering every year. Still look back on other birthdays and happy memories to ease the pain. A walk sounds like a good plan, it clears the mind a little and shows Nature all around you.

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I have 2 pictures of Kira on my nightstand. Every night when i go to get my pjs on I always say "one day closer to seeing you again baby girl".  While I do get some comfort from knowing I've got one day closer to her , I am also glad I got another day with my boys.  Such a strange feeling to have one foot in heaven and one on earth. Thanks for letting me share. Only other grieving parents would understand this.

 

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Thanks for the dog pictures...I do think that the unconditional love an animal provides is healing. My dog never left my side for 3 years. 

Gretchen, I am sorry for that additional loss...it just seems like it stabs in my heart every time I hear of that...the past week someone was killed on my highway, and I was behind the accident maybe 10 minutes...did a lot of praying. 

Forest's stone is so decorated with LOVE!

Dee, can  I share your poem? My cousin had her son pass earlier in 2012.

Somersky, thanks for sharing the pics of your beautiful son!

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Happy Heavenly Birthday, Jeff! We shout out your name today. Kate, sending gentle thoughts your way.

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Mary Anne, so good to see your Stephen's smiling face today...may his light shine down on you today, filling your heart with warmth and love.

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Laurie, I would be honored if you share my poetry with others...I have many poems that are just how I breathe now, intake, outbreath, in both is my Girl.

ERI-Fest went beautifully, much lighter attendance, but that allowed more visiting with friends and family...and the weather was prettier than ever before, cool and breezy, nobody broke a sweat. 14 years is  long long time, and now we have entered our 15th. Yes we will always have a foot in two worlds, it is how life unfolds now...just make sure that when you feel a bit of good, you realize that it will happen again and you will increase those moments as you go along. What in the world could make our Kids more happy than that...seeing us live with increments of purpose and joy...leading to longer stints of each.

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dee what is amazing is that people who cared about Eri still come to show support after such a long time. It must make your heart swell with pride.Eri was very popular and much loved. I hope you are doing ok.

No one in the UK apart from family knew my Tommy. All my friends who were close to him live in the USA and his friends are in PA and hawaii so I mourn alone. My family leave me in peace on his birthday and angelversary both in Aug so I can do what I want to do. My kids will call. it is good to know that you guys are all out there for me you understand how hard it is.

Louann it is strange to have a foot in both places, mourning one child and enjoying being with their siblings. Joy at their acheivements and successes yet feeling sad because one is missing. Seeing how your children grow up and develop and wondering what our spirit child would have done with their life. making new memories yet having one life forever stopped at a moment in time. I think this is why grief is so confusing.

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Kate and Mary Anne....sorry this is late....but on this site...a parent is never forgotten.....no matter how many years pass....we will always...always remember that complete joy...when our child was placed in our arms and hearts....

Stay in Grace...Stay in Peace...

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