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momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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Thought so...strep throat.

 

My Son went out in the woods along the river today to try to help out with the search for the 16 year old who lost his life in the river on Saturday. the helicopters have been quiet this afternoon after a busy morning up and down the river...boats with sonar are out with dogs aboard...prayer and hope for the family who now have to face this awful truth.

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Lou ann   

 Ericas mom.  I hope you are feeling better. There is a flu bug going around where I live.  Do you guys get flu shots where you live. 

Jeffs mom. I admire your husband's strength and courage to handle lifes crap.  I wish I could be more like that.  Hope you get some sleep, I know I had that back in the winter where I just couldn't get enough sleep.  I think things catch up to us once in awhile.

Becky.I'm so sorry you had to see that car again. Can the guy at least park it at the back of the lot somewhere where it isn't sticking right out when you drive by.  I have never heard anyone being as cold and callous as the lady who killed your son.  To have not even been respectful enough to find another route but just drive by your house everyday. And then to be so mean to your daughter. How does she live with herself.  I hope that car sells soon and you never have to see it again. I know what you mean, some days I wish God had taken me that day too. Please look after your health. Your husband and daughter need you. And Oh, I'm so glad Jared played music for you.

Tinay  I know how certain days and times can trigger your grief especially at the beginning.  Sunny Sunday mornings still bother me sometimes.  Hopefully that will get less important what day or time it is as you go on.  You shouldn't have to be strong for anyone right now except you and your son.  Other people need to be strong for you. You have shown so much strength to be. back working and dealing with all the lawyer stuff too.  I hope you get justice for your daughter.  I love the thumb print.  You are at a very difficult stage, just keep taking one day or even one hour at a time.  You have all my contact numbers, just let me know if I can help in any way, even if you just want to talk or have somebody listen.  I will be here. Take care

Tommy mom. Strange how all your kids deal differently with Tommys death.  I guess just like us parents we all have to find our way.  

Jesse David and Taylor Mom.  I can't imagine having 2 sites to visit.  You are incredibly strong woman. I hate the universe too.  I have no patience any more, I just want to tell everyone to get the hell out of my way. I have a lot of bitterness against the whole world.  I think were allowed to feel that way.  

Mermaid tears.  Beautiful pictures.  What a treasure for veto to have.  It will mean such to him when he is older and understands where it came from. 

Tobyfreefoot.  Lovely locket. I have some of my daughters hair that she cut off herself(and all her dolls) when she was little.  maybe I'll put some in my locket too.  

Christophers mom. I have heard lotsof parents on here who had to go back to work so soon after losing their child.  I am sure you are very good at your job, but you can only stretch yourself so far when you are grieving too.  I am six years in almost and that dark empty place still remains   it is just as time goes on you don't go there as much. Best of luck getting thru the next 3 weeks and hopes for a good rest. You deserve it.

Amyanne and rainie, you doing ok.  Thinking about you guys. 

I know I am fairly new here and dont have half the knowledge or wonderful way with words like you guys.  But i truly appreciate all of your posts.  I ready them all over and over. I have been searching for almost six years and I think I am starting to find my way home. Thanks to all of you. 

 

 

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Dee, sorry about the strep. Take it easy and hopefully you will feel better soon. 

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Thinking kind thoughts for everyone struggling on this site with illness and grief. It is true when emotional defences are weakened illness can creep in and cause havoc with the body. Stress continues to diminish your immunity and we can get sick. Also the weather. In the UK we have had a week of solid rain and it is gloomy and dark. I have gone into hibernation mode and been unable to find any energy to do anything even inside. All I want to do is lay on the couch and nap. In the end I got my blue light out (SAD treatment) and sat in front of it for 2 hours in an attempt to get my mind and body moving again. It really works. i have to brave the weather to get my prescriptions and i hate going out in the rain! Some of you could really benefit from this treatment I think. I got mine off Amazon, it is the really big one that lights up a room so you dont have to spend much time in front of it.

Dee hope you feel better soon.

Rainie have not heard from you in a while you doing OK? I know mothers day would be especially tough for you.

Silky are you doing ok?

Devianz are you doing ok?

There are so many of us struggling I can't name them all personally but if you are reading posts and not able to post just know each one of you is important and cared about, you are now part of a caring community of parents who are figuratively holding your hands.

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Thanks for your well wishes folks, I am hit heavily with this thing. I thought I would get up and be fever free and less pain in my throat...NOPE! I am miserable. Oh well, hopefully after the third dose of penicillin I will be much better. I am in lots of discomfort I think due to fever and my throat is so very swollen. 

 

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Devianz   

Tommy's Mum,

I'm alright, thank you for asking after me. I've been here and reading but just don't have the energy to post. I'm having female issues, and have been stuck in a cycle now for 34 days, and they have tried several different hormones to get it to stop.  I'm having an ultrasound tomorrow but my iron count is super low and I'm in a lot of pain and discomfort. I wish they'd just take the whole thing out of me... it's certainly not going to do me any good at 45 years old. It's done this 7 times in the last two years but this time it's the worst I've seen. Saw a new doctor on Monday, but he was a misogynistic jerk who leered at me from over the tops of his glasses when I was describing my symptoms and pain in the most condescending way. Like it's all in my head. What he doesn't know is that I have an extremely high threshold for pain and I don't come to the doctor unless there is something really wrong.  4 years ago my appendix ruptured and filled my gut with 2.5 liters of fluid, I didn't go to the doctor until almost 2 days later when I couldn't pick my head up off the pillow anymore.  So physical pain is something I can tolerate a lot of.  This is different though. I know something is wrong but I can't get anyone to listen.

Mother's Day was particularly hard on me. A lot of weepy moments. My husband was very kind, making me breakfast and dinner and was just generally very aware and sweet. It was hard for him too. I don't expect Father's Day to be much easier.  While my husband wasn't my son's bio dad, he was there from the time Nathan was 3, so he was the only father Nathan ever knew and was so good to Nathan. He's a good man, and it will hit him hard. I didn't go out to brunch with my Mom, as I wasn't up for her drama routine. I told her I wasn't up for company but they came out anyway for a visit.  So I sat in my garden pulling weeds while talking to them so I could wear my sunglasses and they wouldn't see the tears. Mom could never respect boundries.

Dee,

Strep Throat sucks... Popsicles and Jello.  And lots of warm fluid. Chicken Bone Broth if you can find it and aren't vegan.

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Dee hope you feel better soon. Strep throat oh gosh that brought back memories for me of my 4 who all suffered badly and very frequently with it. Ultimately I had all 4 get their tonsils and adenoids out at the same time and that did the trick. It was hell for a week or so with 4 very poorly sorry for themselves children and only my Mum n I to deal with it night and day. They were only ages 3 5 6 and 7 and I had to spend a night in the hospital with the two youngest but it was worth it. The school's strep rate plummeted afterwards! i also have had strep and it feels like swallowing broken glass. The best thing is to crush your painkillers and take some water with them and gargle before swallowing. Split it into a couple of gargles not all at once. Tastes yuck but def works. Lots of fluids and soft foods too.

Devianz hi. Female issues also suck I hope you can get sorted out soon. Iron tablets are good for anaemia and so is spinach and dark chocolate (I know what I'd prefer to take!!) Hysterectomy would sort it out but there is a recovery period needed afterwards. however if you are done having a family and have had a lot of episodes that may be the way to go. How awful that the dr was so horrid, you can request a different one in the practice? It could be a fibroid that is causing the pain and bleeding. so glad you have a decent hubby to look after you, and you are right he prob does feel like nathan's dad so feels that loss acutely too. Although you say your mom does not respect boundaries at least she  came over, and crying and pulling weeds is good therapy for the mind and body. I do not feel guilty for having mini breakdowns anymore, I just accept that it happens and indulge in a good bawl and move on having washed my spirit clean again. We all need these mini breakdowns to stay healthy.

 

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Lou ann   

So sorry to hear so many of you are sick.  Lesley, thank you so much for your email, even while you are not feeling well your self.  I think after talking to heart Dr. , that I finally have to accept that my daughter drowned and even all these top Drs just don't know what made her collapse.  Seizure? Arrthymia?  Neither of which show up because they are electrical.  They just don't know. And whether I could have got there in time to save her, I really don't know.  It is awful to live with the knowledge that you may have been able to save your child. he did say that for sure she died the most peaceful death possible.  One minute she was showering and the next she would be saying hey I'm in heaven.  No pain at all.  But still she is gone.  I will try repeating what you said when my mind wanders back to that day. I hope I can put this part to rest finally to move forward. Thank you, you really helped me.  A few weeks ago it rained here for over a week and it was very depressing and gloomy. Lots of floods in Ontario and in Quebec. A father and his toddler died when their car got swept away and the mom was able to grab a branch and hold on. Just like Ericas mom mentioned about the boy missing in the river, it is heartbreaking to know what these families have ahead of them.  I know only too well that laying on the couch feeling. I struggle to get up everyday.  Maybe I will try that light next winter.  Lord knows I can't survive another like the last one.  Wishing you strength and thanks again you really helped me.

Devianz you need to find a Dr who understands and cares.   I worked in a hospital for 29 years and most are just in it for the money. I detest my family Dr  and found a nurse practitioner so I go to her. You should not have to just settle for this guy.  You deserve the best care possible.  Hope you get to the bottom of this and are feeling better soon. I have had low iron before and it really zaps you out.  My daughter died on fathers day so I can never celebrate it again.  I try to treat everyday the same. My daughter was not here the day before or the day after.  It is just another day without her.  I tell myself Dec 25 isn't any different than nov25 or Jan 25.  I keep busy and gloss over the holidays   I don't have any young children or grandchildren yet so I may have to change some day. Of course her birthday and Angel date I still have complete break downs.  Good luck with the ultrasound.  I hope you get some relief soon.  Take care.

Hope all of you are feeling better soon. Hugs to all. 

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Dee, Devianz- hope you get your health issues resolved.  Finding the right doctor these days is very hard.  Last Fall my physician ended his practice.  I was devastated because I knew him and went to him for 40 years.  He was old school for sure but kept current and never hesitated to find someone for things outside of his old time family practice.  he was part of a "hospital  owned" group and when he retired the hospital made referrals to another of their own.  Suffice to say I am still looking for a physician who will treat ME not just how often the insurance is willing to pay.  Get better .

Kate, hope Ross is  doing okay.

Laurie, sorry for your hard times. You are a remarkable woman and such a source of strength to all of us.

Had another vein treatment--one more to go.  It is not too bad of a procedure and I guess I am glad with this laser technology it is way better than the old days of vein stripping.  They left the ultrasound so I could watch.  I think the worst is the compression stockings I have to wear until the treatment is over. Ugh! My feet and legs get claustrophobic!

So somehow I made it through both Mother's Day  and Michael's birthday.  It was brutal and dark.  Mother's day with no kids (Heather is in Wyoming) was bad but only one melt down.  The birthday was way harder.  I always told my kids that their birthday was their SPECIAL day forever but I also told them it was special for me because of them.  This year no friends of his came by and that was actually ok.  His good friend who has been there for us actually called and that was nice.Tim and I know that his friends have their lives and they were so good to us after losing him.  Michael belongs to me, his dad and sister.   We will always honor his special day.  This may not be good for others on this journey but like we always acknowledge--everyone is unique.

enjoy music.jpg

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I was going to post a long reply but I accidentally clicked my browser window shut! (and lost the whole reply). Sigh.

Anyways, thanks to all who wrote to me...I think of everyone here and send gentle prayers.

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Lou ann   

Tears in heaven  oh I always celebrate my daughters birthday and Angel date.  It is just the other holidays I try to skip. Although her birthday is usually just a meltdown at the cemetary, but i always remember it.

 

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Dee, hope you felt better as the day progressed.

Dianne, oh goodness...that sounds very uncomfortable. I'm glad the procedure went well. Heck, I wish I lived closer to everyone to help out with tea making, etc. 

Lou Ann...it has been very unsettled in our neck of the woods as well. I really wish it would stay sunny for a full day! I agree that the sun lamp is a great idea. The dreaded summer folks are returning to open their cottages for the long weekend. Hope you have a good one.

Laurie, I too hate it when I lose a post. Hope your day was a good one.

I read this today in the obits...

Do not judge a song by its duration,

Nor by the number if its notes.

Judge it by the richness of its content,

And by the way it touches and lifts the soul,

The unfinished song is precious and dear.

And when it has enriched your life

and its melody lingers on in your heart

it is not unfinished; it is endless.

Sending warm wishes to All for a peaceful evening.

Kate:)

 

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Tinay   

Jeff's - that is super close to the poem I had on my daughter's folder and read at her funeral.

I went through some songs last night, listened mainly to Save a place for me that was one of the songs we had. I cried of course. I listened to a few more songs. Cried a lot. That's ok. I needed it.

I figured out a way to have Monday evenings through Wednesday afternoon off from work. I'll have to work weekends but that's ok. Right now I need that time off. Memorial weekend I'll have Sunday afternoon through Wednesday afternoon off. Joys of being one of 2 full time people with those benefits. 

My mom told me today she heard a "rumor" I was filling a wrongful death suit. I explained I tried telling everyone and talking about it but no one wanted to just listen to me and then was told to let everyone grieve their own way. She made it seem like I was hiding something from her. I said no I wasn't. It wasn't a secret. I said after reading the reports, that made my mind up if law firm will take the case. She said she didn't read the reports so she has no clue. I said I know. No one has except Jenni (niece). I get she is asking questions but don't get accusatory because you didn't know. You didn't want to know. Still don't think she is ready to support me in any capacity. Sorry this is long. 

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Lou ann   

Jeffs mom. I can't remember are you from Canada?  I live in southern Ontario. Is this a long weekend in the states too?

Tinay. I'm glad your getting the time off you need.  I know you probably have a long road ahead but I hope you can get some justice for your daughter. Don't expect much out of family or friends. It took me six years to realize they will never understand how you feel.  Take care.

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Lou Ann, I was born and raised in Winnipeg. We moved up to our cottage on Lake Winnipeg several years ago. We love it up here and find that it is only an hour drive to the city. The little town close by is called Gimli. 

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Lou ann   

Jeffs mom.  Oh how nice.  My sister lives in b.c. and that will always be one of my regrets that I stayed in Ontario. I would love to live in the West somewhere.  But i have a son who is in Toronto and one in London.

 They are all we have so I couldnever leave them.  I grew up in Drumbo and moved to innerkip where my daughter died (both tiny towns).  We then moved to Woodstock as that is where I worked but then I lost my job as I sank   into a depression and was still dealing with my grief. But i hate living here.  Too many memories of kids going to school, work,  everything.  Maybe someday I can move.  Are you watching the playoffs. It would be nice to see the cup in Canada this year. (Sorry American friends) lol.  My husband knows gimli as he was a railway man and cn had a lot of track or something there.  Have a nice long weekend.  

 

 

 

 

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Kate, really liked the poem. We always had so much music around.

LOU ANN, not to jump in your conversation but we are such hockey fans in our house. Love it all especially Stanley cup time. Oh that's right we missed this year as the Predators swept the Blackhawks!!!! GRRH! Sure going to miss Scott Darling next year. My husband used to coach a high school team a long time ago. But  I grew up a Blackhawks fan with stan Mikita as  my sports hero.

 

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Dianne, Jeff tended to follow goalies as he was a goalie himself when he played. The Ottawa Sens were a favorite at a point before the Jets. My boys are avid hockey fans. In fact Ross has the game on now...and Ottawa is leading at this time. Hope you are doing ok this evening.  

Lou Ann The CP rail stopped making the run in this area some time ago. The Lake Line Rail now runs up to Diageo in Gimli where they distill Crown Royal and from there it is bottled somewhere in Southern Ontario. 

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Lou ann   

Tears in heaven.  Do you live in Illinois? I like  Chicago too.  And I remember Stan mikita.  I had  his hockey card.  I guess that is showing my age lol.

Kate. I think there was a training place or something in gimli for cn.  But that is several years ago since he worked for cn. Believe it or not he lost his job  of 35 years because of the depression and grief over our daughter.  We both lost our jobs of 29 and 35 years because of our grief. And we're both treated very shabily by employers. They had absolutely no sympathy that we had lost a child.  We are 56 and 58 so just a little to old to get hired anywhere.  Wasnt what we planned but then we never planned on losing a child either. Tell Ross I'm watching the game too.  Wow 5-0 Ottawa. 

  

  

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Lou ann   

Tears in heaven. You live in Illinois? I have always like Chicago too. And I remember Stan mikita. I had his hocke y card. Guess I'm showing how old I am.  

Kate.  I think there was a training place in gimli but he hasn't worked for cn in a very long time. Believe it or not he got fired at 35 years because of his depression and grief from losing our daughter.  So both of us lost jobs of 29 and 35 years. Our employers simply did not care we had lost a child.  At the ages of 56 and 58 we are just a little too old to get hired. This is not what we planned but then again we didn't plan on losing our child.  Tell Ross I'm watching the game too. 5-1 Ottawa is pretty awesome.  

 

SOOR  I SENT THIS TWICE AND GIGURE OUT HOW TO DELETE IT

 

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Oh Laurie.....will post tomorrow....am very tired from a busy...busy day....and will post John David's Visitation dream like I promised....

Laurie....'self care'....you are working 2 jobs now for the family...I know....for a great cause...but...put yourself first...sometimes...

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By Fox 5 Atlanta Published May 17, 2017
  •  
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The photo showed the site of a crash in Gainesville, Georgia.

The photo showed the site of a crash in Gainesville, Georgia.

A photo snapped by a stranger minutes after a deadly car crash in Georgia has brought closure to the two families who lost their loved ones.

"I couldn't breathe before I got this," Judy Simmons said.

Judy Simmons lost her 23-year-old daughter Hannah, her 9-month-old granddaughter A'Lannah and her daughter's best friend 28-year-old Lauren Buteau on April 25 in Gainesville.

VETERANS SPROUT NEW CAREERS THROUGH THE FARMER VETERAN COALITION

"We were told my daughter lost control and hit a truck," Simmons said. "I just knew, I knew they were gone."

In the days following the tragedy, Simmons said she needed closure that her loved ones did not suffer in the final moments of their life.

"I just needed God to reassure me somehow that they didn't suffer," Simmons said.

Her closure, Simmons said, came in a photo taken by a young woman on her way to work.

POLICE: DRUNKEN DRIVING SUSPECT HAD LIZARD IN BRA

The photograph shows light beaming from the sky onto the crash site. Simmons said she has an explanation for what that is.

"It's God taking them home to Heaven," Simmons said. "After I got the photo I could finally breathe again and I knew it was God showing me they didn't suffer. It was instant."

Click for more from Fox 5.

I saw this article...and photo....and I knew that it would bring a layer of comfort...healing...to many parents on this site that questions when their child left this earth home....it certainly brings a peace to my heart....

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Susan, how comforting for the family to know that they are now safe in God's keeping.

Lou Ann...The former CN Park is now called the Industrial Park. The area was once a former RCAF training Base and closed in the early 70's. It then became used as a glider pilot training base for air cadets and the tracks were used and still are for auto racing. You may remember the story of the Gimli Glider that was a Boeing 767 that on July 23 (my birthday) ran out of fuel on a flight from Montreal to Edmonton and the pilot used his glider training to avoid a horrific crash and glided the plane down on to the runway. They made a movie about it with Dan Aykroyd. This happened not long after we converted to the Metric system and they had miscalculated the amount of fuel. 

Dee, Dianne, Becky...I hope you are all feeling somewhat better this morning.

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I also saw this article and thought it would bring comfort to many but am not computer savvy enough to be able to post articles.

Tinay I am glad you are able to swing some days off you really need it when grieving. it takes everything out of you physically emotionally and mentally and having time to process the changes in your life is important otherwise you can get a delayed grief reaction later on in time. I'm sad your mom does not get it but that is common especially in older generations who were taught to push it all down and keep a stiff upper lip as if it did not happen. You do what you feel is right. You are your daughter's advocate and if it is meant to be there is a wrongful death lawsuit then it will happen. Your mom will just have to let you go on in your own way, it does not matter whether she thinks you ar right or not, you are making the choices you are making as a fully informed adult. I am sure she is grieving too just differently and that is ok.

kate love that obituary. Words are so powerful aren't they?

Thank goodness we have a few rays of sun today I have to make myself go out and mow the lawn and do some weeding so will have to refuel up with coffee to get moving!

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I am actually feeling human-like today. I went to school at 6:30 to just make my plans for another day of a substitute...and came home and ate yogurt. I cleaned a bathroom and did more today than I have been able to do in 4 days. NO fever and my glands are not as swollen as they were so I am finally getting better. I have not been kicked in the butt like this since i had pneumonia 21 years ago. Phew, so good to see the other side of it. I really am dibilitated by fever. I went through breast cancer and two surgeries and radiation and never felt as awful as I did the last three days. Weird.

As far as showing your age LouAnn, I am 61 and remember Stan Mikita and I lived in Chicago during that time period of the HAWKS. Those were the days when the family would gather in the living room and watch the hockey game on a local channel...We grew up skating outdoors in Chicago, and many kids grew up playing hockey. My kids also skated and many of thier friends play hockey. Chicago went nuts when the HAWKS won the cup recently. And then the CUBS won the big event so Chicago has been doubly happy with sports in the last few years. I live just outside of Chicago. While it is a beautiful city, it has had such a deep and terrible sense of violence lately. I just can't stand that. So much of it is the lack of hope or sense of future, and the kids having kids in these same circumstances raising yet another generation within these constraints. The schools are not good in the neighborhoods that are gang-banger areas, less materials to poor schools and so the kids get nothing to look to as inspiration, as hope, as nurture. It just isn't right. If we don't put our resources in the places that are needing them most, what can kids think of how they are looked at?

It has been very warm here for three days, near 90 though tomorrow, it looks like we will be a high of 58, so that old wind is going to shift off the lake again. YIKES.

I love the photo Susan, the beam of light showing exactly what I would think too, that beam was the passage to heaven.

Laurie, I sure hope you are okay, I love your posts, but I know the energy and time it takes to put a long post together and feel for you as we all have lost them. You doing okay?

Kate, how are you holding up? Getting a bit of extra sleep?

 

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