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      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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MamaDukes, it is exactly why it hurts more now, the full reality of losing your Boy has hit, you knew it all along of course, but shock kept you going, kept you off the full mark of time. And now, that time will feel like a ball and chain as you find your way through. We are here to hold your hand and your heart as you struggle through...do not be afraid to grieve here, that is why we exist here, to be able to tell our stories, cry if need be, listen to others, and grieve. Tell us about your Son when you are ready.

Amyann, it occurs to me that perhaps you have not been able to grieve due to taking care of the Girls. Did you take on the care of your three Girls as soon as your Daughter died? It really could be dear, that the very best thing for you is to cry, is to have time and space to weep and fall apart some. I promise you, you will get up again, but when we put off grief for all the reasons folks do: taking care of young ones being the top one...we find we can't move forward much because our grief needs addressing.

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Mama dukes. Sometimes the first year is just so full of shock and disbelief, things don't become real til year two. A lot of people told me year two was harder.  Did it help to go there and picture everything in your head.  Is it something you feel u need to do again or did it give you peace.  I'm not a professional so I don't know the answers are but you felt you had to do it, and that can't be  wrong.  Would it help to talk  to people who where there that night.  I hope you got some peace and comfort from going there and try not to tortuate yourself too much about what happened.  Please keep coming to the this web site.  There are so many kind and compasionate grieving parents all ready to help you. My email address is ltaylor50@rogers.com if you want to connect that way. We just all want to help you.  

 

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On the weekend we did a walking through the woods, what is called a mourning-walk. It's about mourning for your loved one and realizing that there is still a life one lives. Everyone in the group lost somebody , we went through the woods for 2 1/2  hours, sometimes we stopped and the ranger (he organized that walk ) said something about life and death or he wrote a poem......and he talked about the forest, like how a tree dies and showed us how many trees growing on strange places .........there were minutes we were silent with tears in our eyes and minutes we talked about life and even smiled or had a laugh . It felt good to walk through the woods, had some thoughts, laughs, tears and people who felt the same as I.

I also been going to see a professional therapist. Is he helping ? I don't know really, but I sure talk a lot when I'm there. I even went under people a bit, but it still feels strange and there always them days when I 'm falling in that deep whole again of course.

Miss my son so much. Even he always try to make so cool, he had a very good heart and always tried to make everybody smile and be happy. He also was always smiling. I know he's here, telling me he's o.k.

peace and hugs to everybody here

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ericasmom- Yes I did take on caring for my granddaughters as soon as my daughter (Katrina) passed away. Their father was using drugs so I kept the girls most of the time. Then my oldest granddaughter came to me and told me that her dads best friend "hurt" her so then I filed for and was awarded full legal custody over two years ago. I believe I  have grieved..I cry a lot. Usually after it builds up than I break down unexpectedly. I thought I have moved forward but I have found myself falling backward this past month.

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This morning I woke up feeling better, and I truly believe its because I have found you all through this group. I just want to thank everyone for taking time to share with me about my daughter (Katrina) passing away and about their children passing away. I am so sorry that we all have that indescribable pain.

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AmyAnne,

I am so sorry for your loss, and grateful that you have been able to be there for her girls as they try to navigate through life without their mother and with their drug addicted father.  The road ahead doesn't seem to be any easier for you than it has been thus far, but you will find small blessings along the way.

My own son Nathan was murdered last July, three months shy of his 21st birthday.

For me, sometimes it's simple things. His place at the table with a new friend at it. The light in my youngest son's eyes that is so familiar of my son Nathan. The tonal sound of his guitar. It's been just 9 months today, and it's been hell so far. But I am comforted by the small simple things.

I am sure that as the girls grow, you will see hints of your beautiful daughter. Her strength of will, a smile that feels like a memory. Happy reminders, and while they are tinged with sadness, there is huge anew in things found. It will start to bring small doses of happiness.

I feel like I've aged 5 years these last nine months, and you didn't sign up to raise more kids when you thought you were already done.  They are a blessing, even when they are trying your very last nerve.  They are her legacy, and their beauty is her beauty and her beauty is your beauty. I know it's hard to keep carrying, but it will be worth it. Their first play at school, The first report cards, their first dates... They will need you there, and be thankful that you are there to make memories with and for them. You have all lost so much, but you have each other.

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Silky,

Talking is good even if it's about very little. It's good that you are getting out of the house and talking to someone other than your husband, as he is going through his own grief as well. Everyone functions differently in grief, and there can be hard feelings when one person doesn't feel exactly the same, so it is good you have an outside party to share with. I'm sure it doesn't seem helpful to you right now, but even venting your sadness, anger and frustration is good because you aren't directing it at the people you love.

I love the idea of a mourning walk. I am sure it was so good for all of you.  When I lived in Germany, I went on many Volksmarches, and the feeling of community you feel with the people around you walking is a wonderful feeling. I am sure that he was walking there with you and with Alan as you remembered him with friends.  What a wonderful thing to do. I miss Germany for many reasons but most of all for the people.

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MamaDukes,

I share so much of your pain, I am experiencing many of the things you are and it always feels like people are just layering injustice after injustice upon my son's memory. It's so hard, and feels so gigantic that you can't explain it to others. It feels like your whole world is darkened. I know that your son would be a great comfort to you in your time of grief, and that's what makes it even harder. You raised him to be a good man, expecting to be able to have him with you in walking life to help and bring you joy and that was tragically taken from you.  But you can still carry him in your heart. We will help light the way for you when we can.

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Today it is beautiful outside. I took a walk in the sun during my work break and listened for the birds and felt the gentle warm wind on my cheeks. When I came back in, I passed the mirror and noticed that my cheeks are blushed the way my son's used to when he was elated. It made me smile. 

Much love and light to you all today.

I am reminded of the opening stanza to an Emily Dickinson poem called, 'The World is not Conclusion'

Quote

 

This World is not Conclusion.
A Species stands beyond - 
Invisible, as Music -
But positive, as Sound -

 

 

 

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01daf7680996e981144223ada4e9ea0a.jpg.60cd29fa7717b0448099a22d8705c7dc.jpgThis is such a good site for sharing emotions pictures and memories. Thanks to everyone who has taken the steps to join.

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 amyanne i am so glad you came to this site. it helped me sooo much.  i just wanted to tell you i have a co worker whose mother threw away all the pictures of her sister when she was killed in a car accident and a woman who use to be on this site told me she waited 6 years to look at her daughter's picture so you are not alone in that reaction. i was just the opposite i could not get enough of my son's pictures. everyone experiences this tragedy a little differently but i think we all have experienced the unbearable pain.  we all share so many similar things though we can sort of help each other along and mostly we can all listen with that knowing heart that the rest of the world doesn't understand. i would love to hear anything you would like to share about your beautiful girl. and i will gladly listen to her wonderful attributes again and again as others here have done for me. this is a place we can grieve and shout and also brag and carry on about our beloved children. no one sees us as boastful just broken hearted and in love with our lost child.i also to this day cannot believe this has happened. i hope coming here will ease your soul at least a bit.

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jeffs mom ,

 you misconstrued me somewhere along the way . i didnt think jakes bullying was one damm bit acceptable and in fact i know it got him killed . i was between a rock and a hard place with jake . i put up with some of his crap in order to teach him trades and keep him from illegal dealings , but i stopped short of enabling his abusive behavior . we parted ways three years ago because i was cutting wood with him for minimal profit and he rared up on me about  how 1/2 of the proceeds would not sustain him and he wanted my 1/2 ounce of weed to smoke in one day with no plans of ever compensating me for it . not gonna happen . that 1/2 ounce would last me for 6 months . 

i dont mince words lady . this is what happened . i shut off the log splitter and told him the abuse and bullying were over . i have no regrets . i believe his next employer killed him . i dont feel guilty for that . its all on jake -- the elbowing people in the face and taking everything they have like a big boar hog or something never worked with me and its a wonder someone didnt kill him years before they did .

and as far as your salty tongue -- stick it up your square ass .  

im dealing with some horrific s#it , and im dealing with it the best that can be expected of me .

 

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Hi Everyone,

remember I told you about my godson to be

he was delivered early morning today at 27 weeks ,2 lb his name is Graison 

he will be in the Nicu untill July he is doing as well as expected right now critical but stable on the ventilator he is a feisty little man moving his arms and legs all over .please pray that he will grow big and strong ,we can't handle another loss in this family 

Steve would have been his uncle I guess ,now he's his guardian angel 

 

 

image.jpeg

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Steve's mom

Praying for the new little fella.  Like the name. I'm sure your son will be watching over him. I'm fairly new here.  Sorry for the loss of your son.  I lost my daughter in 2011.  

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Mary Ann, God Bless that sweet little Man of yours. Oh my how I pray that he is growing each day and being made strong and healthy. I will continue prayers as he fights for his body to get stronger. blessings to his parents and grandparents, may you all rally around this young Child and help him grow into a little boy, then a young many and on to old age. Congratulations MaryAnn.

Bob, please don't speak rudely to my friend Kate. Some of we Americans do not see things in black and white, silly to blanket statement any group of humans. I think that you are dealing with some bad stuff, we get that, Kate gets that, hell she had to deal with a lot of bad ****...we all have and are dealing with some terrible things, yours however is recent and so we know how raw it is. I hope that the people responsible for Jake's death are caught and held accountable...we all hope that as we want our kids to have at least that! A tiny bit of justice.

Peace-

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Bob, you are a boorish prat. Irrespective of nationality... baseless ignorance is best left to fester in the minds of those that are unable to carry on a civil discussion rather than resorting to name calling. Your comment to Susan the other day was rude and uncalled for! Show some respect for the people of this site. You have been pushing buttons for ages. I hope they bring your son's killer to justice and then you can move ahead with your life in a positive way. Clearly you have an issue with Canadians. Your problem.

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Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise,fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is life, fight for it.

 

Mother Theresa

 

 

 

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Mary Ann....so happy for you....we have been blessed with two little new men since John David's passing...our new little man was in ICU for a very long time..gaining weight....(it seemed the days dragged on and on)....was so slow....he was a lazy feeder....now.....he has no trouble with feeding and gaining weight. We celebrate your new little man....those tiny hands have lots of healing in them.

 

Great Grampa with Veto....

IMG_0296.JPG

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I have not been able to post lately.  I was blaming it on the blues that just turned dark as I head closer to Michael's birthday on 5/16. I am sorry I missed some new people but glad to see the welcoming help I knew they would receive from the KIND, COMPASSIONATE, GENEROUS people here. I can say without a doubt that the people like Kate, Dee, Susan, Sherry, Laurie, Shannon, Georgina, Gretchen, Becky, Wade---were all the best group I have been fortunate to have found to help me as I learn to make my way.There have been others, I know, that have come in and out and I appreciate them as well.  Lesley, you have come in and are so helpful and know I am grateful.  No one should be subjected to uncalled for harassment and we can all agree that we have enough emotional turmoil in our lives. Lou ann, Amyanne, Silky, Devianz, MamaDukes,Rainie, Cher,we are a good group and are here for you as you travel this path. Sharing our grief is a positive step towards healing.  

Maryanne, best wishes on new little Graison. Susan, Veto is growing by leaps and bounds and is the picture of health and happiness as an infant should be.

Gretchen, the picture of Forest is remarkable. Becky, the signs from J.D. are such a positive experience for you and your family. Laurie, thanks for thinking of me and I hope that things are okay for you. Kate, your husband is a courageous man.  Georgina, hope you are well.

http://stillstandingmag.com/2014/06/grief-attacked/

kindness.jpg

kindness.png

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Hoosier Guy you are nothing but a bully. It is not a sense of humor. You blame everyone else for everything and everyone is a loser in your eyes. When people blame everyone else, it is usually that person that is the common denominator and is the problem. Take a look at yourself and get some help. Maybe the barb's and vodka are making you crazy, maybe this is who you are but these people on this site don't need your big mouth bullying tactics. Leave Jeff's mom alone she has enough to worry about with her husband. These people are too kind to you, I have a lot nastier things to say but I will keep it clean for the kind people on this site. I am Canadian and proud of it! I won't clump you in with American's, I clump you in with the destructive bullying a***hles that don't make this world a better place. The only one that can make your world better is you!!

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THANKX A MILLION CHER!!!!

i knew immediately he was a preditor type 

and I wondered if anyone else who sees his crap decerned this

any encouragement here just feeds his fire 

and reasoning with him is like reasoning with a 2 year old and expecting them to behave 

He's not going to stop 'til

he's ignored ~~ or kicked off

the site 

in this day and age it is his kind who are protected more than his victims  

just the truth of this society  

 

 

Edited by RAiNiE

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Wanted to share my poem with you, as writing in the first two years of grieving my son gave me some peace. I'm sorry to see the stress exhibited here lately. This site has meant so much to me, a soft place to land and share without fear of criticism, only loving hearts that helped me along my journey.

FB_IMG_1493225053664.jpg.9eb2cc026a4864b08c038df5ff8f33f7.jpg

This was about five months after losing my Jared. Hang on! Time does soften the harsh edges. Much love to all here.

 

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I am not easily offended....I am from Texas....if you don't like a song...turn it off...if you don't like a program...switch channels...

Bob....Kate is a strong woman...her son died of suicide...right after that her MIL was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer..and Kate nursed her through it all...she died..hardly having time to grieve...then her husband was diagnosed with colon cancer...she nursed him and stood by him through surgeries and chemo...she then had some health issues....but here she is....rising up and catching the sun's rays...grabbing what life and living she and her husband have left on this earth home and looking for what small and simple gifts she can find with each day. She has been given the gift of Grace.

We understand you have a raw grief and lots of anger...we also understand how dark and heavy this kind of grief is...and many parents on this site know how hard it is to fight for justice for your child...in your case....we all want the person who shot your son to be brought to justice. We do want that to happen for you.

With that said....we all honor each parent on this site....we let parents be angry...hurt...wail...and express their hurt and pain...and many have very challenging situations and circumstances in which they have to live with their grief....and we have compassion and care for each one....each parent is as unique as their child is unique.....we do NOT allow judgement or name calling. In fact....IF my son, John David heard or saw someone talking or acting in that way...he would be the first to correct them and he came from a long line of real men that would defend someone being mistreated. I believe you are one of the 'small men' that would never say that to someone's face....but can hide behind a screen. You do not make me angry....or sad for you....from now on...I will ignore you.  Maybe you should find another site...I do not approve of your language on this site that parents come to for hope...clarity...grace...and a place where their grief is understood. You have a toxic mouth that hurts. The parents on this site carry enough hurt.

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glad ppl adress the issues of these two or are they the same person???

just a reminder ~ we are given permission to NOT throw our peals before swine

and that's all I have to say about that :)

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Becky...our Warrior Mom....I remember that poem....so well. In fact, I made a print screen shot of it....still love it. I agree....this site gave me and still gives me so much compassion and understanding....I am in a place of 'being ok' because of the care from all the parents on this site.

We had to go to Port Aransas to choose another resort for John David's Memorial this summer....the other resort we stayed in for years was not being maintained...we just went for a couple of days...they were having Sandfest....and then I remembered...John David had been to Sandfest in 2012...we got all the reservations made...all the loose strings tied up...memories are everywhere....here I am in front of the creations I liked the best....

ScreenShot1004.jpg

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Why couldn't it have been me instead of her?  I just sit here reliving all the mistakes I've made in my life and she was just the most awesome kid ever. She had so much kindness and compassion for people. She had so many plans for the future. She only got to drive once by herself after just getting her drivers permit.  McDonald's called the week after she died to offer her her first job.  The kids at school all wrote about her in a book and almost six years later I still haven't read it.  I don't know why all these memories are still twirling around in my head.  I didn't get to her in time to save her. She was only 17 and that's all she got.  And yet here I am, 56, just taking up space.  She was such a great kid.  Better than I ever deserved. Why couldn't it have been me instead of her?

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Hi,

JEFF'S MOM: That is a nice poem. My son got a tattoo of Mother Teresa and said to me look mom this is you and now my other son is going to get the same tattoo put on his arm. I am going to put that poem on my fridge, so I don't forget to live sometimes. We don't know how long we have so I better get out there and embrace life. Easier said than done, but I am doing it by going through the motions and doing the best I can do. Thanks for the poem.

TEARS IN HEAVEN: I know you are a good group I have been reading. I haven't shared much as I am unable to grieve until I have finished the celebration of life for my dad on Saturday where I have to to the eulogy and everything else. So grief cannot happen right now. It feels so unfair that I can't even grief my son, but I am worried I will fall to pieces and not be able to fulfill all my responsibilities for my dad's celebration. Next Tuesday I have a new group starting that is strictly for parents of adult children so that is coming at the right time. I am looking forward to it.

RAINIE: You are very welcome. We can't allow someone to treat people like that on this site. We are all grieving and all the other stresses we have in our life are overwhelming. I can't say enough of how much people like that anger me and I don't need that in my life right now and neither does anyone here. I am very  sorry for your 2 losses. Yes Bob and Hoosier guy are the same bully. 

YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL PEOPLE KEEP BEING KIND.

 

 

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Hello  to  all INDOGOS.  I haven't been on for awhile....more problems

with my computer. Hope it's straightened out now. :wacko: Here goes....(before

something else goes wrong.)

So sorry to see new parents on this site.

Susan------thank your for posting the pic of the adorable babe, Veto, with

his great-grandpa.  Glad that the little guy is coming along so well. Also....

that's a lovely pic of you at the sand sculpture.  I agree.....memories can be

bittersweet, but they are ours to cherish, aren't they?

 

Rainie-----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son. I hope you will come back to

this site. Everyone here understands the sorrow of losing a beloved child.

 

Dianne---- thanks for your kind words.  I, so,  know what you mean about an birthdate coming

up....Your Michael's birthday May 16.  (My baby Lisa's birthday is also coming up in

May.)  Yes....sometimes the date is just below the surface of our emotions, and then

we can get "blue",  and then realize that the date of their birth is near.  I guess that

it's just part of this lousy road we're on.  Peace & comfort to you.

 

Dee-----Hi.... how's all your flowers/blossoms coming out?  We have lilacs, but not very many.

The bush needs pruning, badly, so not too many blooms. We really pruned the other one back

last year, so no blooms on it this year.  Grass is growing like crazy. Farms around here are

spreading fertilizer, and prepping the fields for planting next week.

 

Mamadukes----I'm sorry  that you have had the necessity to find your way

to this site,  and I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son. Please come back.  Peace to you.

 

Stevesmom----Sending prayers for the sweet baby, Graison. 

 

Amyanne03-----I am sorry to learn of your loss of your sweet daughter, Katrina.  Please

come back to this site, and tell us about your girl. ......whenever you feel you wish to.  You

are right....many times, people just clam up when the name of our deceased child comes up,

and it can be very hurtful, I know.  We welcome everyone to share their stories of their beloved child.

 

Louann-----I agree....anger is something I think we all experience in the loss of a child. It seems so

unfair, in a way, that they should leave this world before us......when they had so much to live for.

Peace to you, friend.

 

Becky-----thanks for posting the lovely pics of your celebration for your dear J.D.'s birthday.

 

HAPPY   BELATED   HEAVENLY  BIRTHDAY........JARED.

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO  ALL   INDIGOS. 

 

Tommysmum----Thanks for that nice screen shot.....The words are so true.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

 

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