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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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for the past 3 months...I have felt like I am always 2 weeks behind....

Update....Baby Veto is still in NICU....all is fine....blood..sugar...great. He is a 'lazy feeder'....and that happens when they are born a little early...as soon as he gains some weight....then has steady weight gain...steady feedings...he will be going home. The nurses are wonderful with Tay....she is going home today...I think. That was the last update last night. I am feeling 'good enough' today....and hope to go tomorrow to have my first Nonnie visit with our new little man....if not..for sure Sunday. I feel great in the AM....and then spiral down in the PM....I don't think I am contagious...but they are very, very strict about who can visit...and I do appreciate that.

  Randa brought Hunter Bear and Pibby home....college and school doesn't quit for new babies...she came over last night and she was very emotional...we discussed that John David was with her for all 4 kids at birth...it was strange for her not to have him there. I knew before she started talking about it what she was feeling. Randa has been stretched thin....George is still there with Tay and Leo. Sometimes as parents....we know how our children are grieving for their brother/sister. They look to us for understanding and that word or words that can 'kiss it and make it ok'. We sometimes find ourselves in a situation where we can't find the right words...we can just give hugs and pet them with our love.

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Hi I too just want to thank you Dee for keeping me going. It does help to have someone to listen that understands. Also Sherry, Kate Susan Gretchen, Colleen , Wendy, Laurie and Diane thank you all you have given me so much to cling to over the last few months.

I haven't been very well but kept going, most days very agitated my heart feels like it's racing full of dread I can't explain it but I've definitely been struggling and not coping. My blood pressure has been raised and I'm now on Meds to control it but the doctor said I need less stress in my life !!

We are waiting a reply from the police and the Chief Coroner to Persue a case against the driver.  We had a private investigator who feels the driver was distracted and gas got away with murder  I feel so scared.  

Thank you for all your kind words and caring about me. Diane I love the words really made me think xx 

Gid Bless xxx

 

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Oh I thought I would share this Xx

"It’s these moments—these moments when life feels so very close to being absolutely perfect, almost maddeningly close—that I am stunned, again, by how absolutely imperfect, how irrevocably and horribly wrong it all is."
 
 
 

 

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WOW! Well thank you for your love and care for each other, it is what I have found to be a loving  community, to be joined in similarity while respecting all the differences. The good news is that once we have a day that had some tiny fragments of feeling a bit better, or a bit more normal...means that it will happen again, and then more and you will be able to grow that aspect into your lives. Like building a house where none of the old tools work,  somehow, we develop tnew tools that work for us. WE fashion them from our losses and develop them from our committment to shining the light of our Babies. Home...takes on a whole new meaning as it becomes a whole new place.

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Yes Dee....am grateful that you and Sherry...and others decided to stay on this site...to reach out to the parents that need that kind of care and compassion...for this kind of grief. Many of us do not have a circle of friends that has lost a child...and we find ourselves in a different universe. It is so true..it takes one to know one.

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I agree with Jeff'smom this is a grief forum sorry Hoosierguy. I think we need to be mindful that other parents have lost their child to gun violence or gun suicide, and it is such an emotive subject, so perhaps just keep our musings to the topic in hand? We are here to support each other mindfully not annoy or upset people who are already damaged by their experiences. Respectfully thanking you.

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Thanks to all who mentioned me. I am just a bit under the weather right now...took today and just rested. I have been trying different things in line of self-care, like meditation, looking at natural health products, and using essential oils. I try for the distractions but lately it just doesn't seem to work, and I find myself so tired.

Georgina, prayers for your quest for justice...

Susan, post a pic of the **newcomer** when you can..

Dianne thanks for the mention.

Kate, hope you are staying warm, it was 1 degree here.

I think of you all, and send gentle thoughts. May you have sweet dreams and a restful night. 

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Laurie, I hope that you will regain your strength soon. This cold/virus has had me in its grips for over a week now, many symptoms. Many kids at school germy too. When we are not feeling well physically, so much harder to take care of our emotional health, one supports the other and effects the other. And so I wish you a calm in your spirit and a return to feeling well. Are you still working two jobs? How is your Grandboy? How is your Daughter doing?

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Our new little man is doing great....but...he needs to gain some weight...a steady weight gain....and until then...he will be in NICU....our latest photos...our Sweet and Strong Mama...and new Aggie...Baby Veto...

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I may be going against the grain here....but I do want to express my thoughts....

I think that the 'manner' of 'how' your child dies...does become an extreme focus point in your grief. If your child dies because of a 'distracted driver'....a drunk driver...a 'pilled up truck driver'....a driver going 120 miles an hour....gets hit by a train...your attention will manifest on those problem drivers...there was an article on the paper siting all the vehicle homicides last year...they labeled it 'Slaughter on the Highways'...true enough. We have many parents on this site that are 'fighting for justice' for their child because they have been the victims of this kind of road homicide.

If your child dies of suicide...your focus will be on that kind of grief. If your child dies of overdose...you will become very focused on that kind of grief.

Same way if your child dies from a gunshot....you will focus on all the gun homicides...gun control...who should have a gun....who shouldn't have a gun....I think Bob was simply trying to make some sense of his grief....in thoughts that there are many good people out there that carry a gun and they can be 'at the right place at the right time' and maybe keep some innocent people from being killed. His son was killed by someone who had a gun....he is simply trying to come to terms with all of it.

I think this site should allow a parent the right to express their thoughts ...especially on the subject of how their child died...and express their thoughts..feelings...emotions....let's face it...all of us on this site knows that until you lose a child....you don't have many friends that want to hear your thoughts or wrap any empathy when you want to share what you are feeling or thinking about.

Many Dads are taking their daughters and sons to a shooting range and helping them get Concealed Carry before they go to College....is that the way I want to send them off to school..no. After losing John David...I don't want a parent to go through what I have gone through..so...I think they should do all they can to keep that child safe.

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I agree Susan, that is what I said to Bob and All earlier in this thread about guns...it is about the death from guns that Bob has to be concerned with since he has lost his beloved Son to this kind of violence...that there is no right or wrong here as to your own opinions about guns...just difference of opinions. I never would have paid as much attention to train deaths had I not lost my Girl in that way. It is natural to become more sensitive or hyper-aware of the manner that took our Babies.

Susan, glorious photos of Tay and Babes.

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Bob-I was worried you were feeling ostracized. Everyone has an opinion on guns. If your child dies by a gun may make all the difference in that opinion. Depending who is holding it when your child dies also may make a huge difference.  Where you live, how you were raised etc. 

I agree with Susan. We all get hyperfocused on various aspects of our child's death whether it be how it happened or the moment of impact or the moments before or the last time you saw them whatever, you need a safe soundingboard and I can listen to whatever you need to say. I can see so much tamped down grief behind your anger. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son and I think anyone who may take issue with your stance or comments can easily go to the next post. Me i am completely against guns but I have friends with an arsenal. It doesn't change my love for them. 

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Thanks to everyone for your kind words.   When I came on BI,  (along with Dee),

there were compassionate people to help and understand.  They've since moved on,

but I will always remember them helping me when I was staggering along...

in a trance of grief.   This site has been a lifeline to many people....including

myself.  Many people have come......posted...stayed.....and then found the

strength to go on without the site, and for that I'm a grateful, and wish them

the best.  No one is ever  'required'  to visit the site.....post replies, or anything else.

It's a personal decision, and all are welcome whenever they come, or how often.

 After all...... I guess that when losing a child,  one needs all the help they can get.  

sherry

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I agree with what the others have said on the site. Bob, I owe you an apology. That is the great thing about living in a part of the world that we do...we can freely express our opinions without fear of retaliation. We agree to disagree. I am totally ignorant of your gun laws... and as we do not have to use them as you do... I do not understand the need to carry them for protection. I had no idea it was getting that bad. Thank you for posting the pics of Germany. It really is a beautiful country and I hope you are able to revisit the places where you served as a young man.

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Kate, I think that when you come from an otherwise peaceful environment, it is difficult to think of so much gun violence, especially when the US was not this way many years ago...I hope Bob will return as well...Bob?

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Dee, I noticed that the Midwest is having an ice storm. Hope you are keeping safe.  Picked up a good book the other day while in the city that you may enjoy reading. Do Not Say We Have Nothing, by Madeleine Thien.

Sherry, we woke up this morning to sunny skies and a warming trend. The temps are climbing all week.

Laurie, Georgina, look after yourselves. With any luck you will kick his nasty bug before long. Hope you have a better week.

Susan, Tay looks beautiful with her new babe in her arms. He's adorable.

Again, we have always enjoyed our visits to the States and will continue to do so when our health permits. Like all places there are areas that should be avoided while travelling and we do just that. We are all watching the recent developments in your area. My heart aches as I watch a friend struggling and feel helpless as we stand by. Prayers for happier times.

 

Love to All, Kate

 

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The ice storms are south of Chicago so we are spared, but Gretchen may be having them, and Sherry??? Thanks for thinking of us Kate, the state of things politically are bleak right now, though not to insight anger here, some may feel more hopeful with our incoming president...to me, it is a bad dream. Love and hugs to all as I go out for a walk, some weak sunshine and I will take it! My cold persists as does my rough voice.

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Thinking of you all today.  It is kind of a gray day here but am thankful we don't have the ice storm that is occurring just to the south of us. I caught the ugly upper respiratory infection that is going around so am taking it easy today.   

Bob, I hope that you will consider coming back to the site if you can.   I am so sorry for the loss of your son.  I found this group after my daughter Sarah died on March 14th 2014.  I am very thankful that I did.  I do not post often but read regularly and I can't count the many times someone shared something that really helped me get through a difficult day.  And they are all difficult in the beginning.   The thing with texting, and emailing and posting is the words cannot show the "feelings" behind the words.  Without voice inflection what we say sometimes comes across far different than what was intended.    Everyone on this site are kind, caring and loving people who walk the same journey but all in different ways.   I wish we could all meet in person and just talk and visit.      The political environment adds stress I think for everyone as we watch what is going on no matter what our personal beliefs are..   I wonder how this will all affect the children who are watching the adults treating each other this way.    I have always felt that this site is a "safe place" to come to and share, knowing that those that are forced on this journey understand and "get it"     And I still feel that it is.    Thank you to each one of you.   

Have a good afternoon. 

Sandy

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Sandy, so good to see your lovely self here today. I hope Bob will come back too. How are you doing? Glad that we are not dealing with the ice storms, but any of you out there that are, please just stay put and ride it out.

My nephew and his girlfriend went to Cleveland to a funeral, sadly, the brother of my nephew's girl, died by a drive-by in Indianapolis. Sadness. I hope that they will drive very carefully home.

We have tomorrow off from school to recognize Martin Luther King's birthday. God bless him.

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Susan, thanks for posting the pics of the baby. How sweet.

It is supposed to warm up next week, I am relieved.  I think sitting here too long is just overwhelming me. I am hoping to get to feeling a bit better next week. Hopefully post something a bit longer then these snippets. 

My Thoughts for the Day: For all of the Angels here, and to those newer angels: Jake and Tommy, Love is forever, death does not end those bonds. 

 

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Working in my studio. Fixing things up. I've been stringing beads to hang in the windows. I'll be glad when I can get some insulation! Trying to do this on the cheap. Not gonna sheet rock it. Gathering together papers that look like they came from an old quilt to cover it with. It will look like I'm inside one. This will make me feel very cozy and happy. Like nothing in the world can touch me.☺ but right now I'm freezing my butt off. We just got cold rain no ice thankfully. North and west of us is a mess. I have been through enough of those beautiful ice storms to last me a lifetime.

Dee I'm sorry to hear tragedy hitting close to home. When did this country flip that switch and why? So different than when you and I were children and even teens. So sad for these kids .

I too am very concerned with our political environment and the future of our country. I may be paranoid but that old adage of being taken over without a single shot seems so possible. I know we have checks and balances but I am ready to get this inauguration over and see what is going to happen. It is making me anxious.

 Susan is everything still going well? How is your granddaughter coping with being away from her little boy? That must be hard. How much did he weigh? Seems his lungs were in pretty good shape for an early arrival? Have you got to see him yet?

K gotta head to the house and thaw my toes. Love

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Gretchen, glad that you are not dealing with the ice storms...yes, you have had your fill of many weather related craziness. No, the issues when we were growing up were far different than this violence...and I really cannot pinpoint when it got like this, but I know that for the last 20 years in Chicago, it has been pretty violent with drug trafficking and it has only gotten worse. As far as anxiety having to do with the incoming white house...we are not alone in that...I feear that the checks and balances that have existed in the White House...might not count as they used to. I think taht as citizens who believe in freedom and what America is supposed to be, we will need to be vocal about anything that breaks from the Constitution. Love the thought of the beads for the windows and gosh, you are one tough cookie to work in the cold without insulation. Don't get a chill.

 

Everyone, a peaceful night, a good day tomorrow.

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Wendy- I am at a loss to fully express my sadness for you and your family.  You have been through so much such a tumultuous time of grief.  You have my sincere condolences and you are in my prayers.

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Wendy, God bless your Mom, God bless you and the Family as you face this sadness. You will be in my prayers and hopes.

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