Members Guest Posted July 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 5, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 5, 2014 Lora...you are embarking on one of the hardest tasks a 'child' can do with their parents....selling and packing up the family home...but there comes that time when we want our parents to feel as if they can manage their surroundings....and have a peaceful and quality life....at least you don't have to worry about it being sold....now for the sorting and packing... I downsized when we moved to Brenham....I thought it would be a walk in the park....well....it kicked my butt....so hard to decide what to keep and what to give away...and 'who should get what'.....it took me 2 years... I remember one day....I was pushing and shoving furniture around my living area....(you had to walk sideways through the house I had so much stuff).....and John David said...'Mom...I don't care how many times you move furniture around..the house is not getting any bigger'....how true.... Have you put your house on the market ? I hope you find a very nice apartment....and I am glad you are getting some vacation with your son....and that you and Dee can get together....we will all feel as if we are with you.... I like what you said about getting scars from the date markers we have to go through...invisible scars for sure...still wounding to our hearts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 5, 2014 Laurie....I was thinking when you said your Mom struggled so with the loss of your sister.... I do not know where I would be...mentally...physically....if I did not have all the ones on this site that has been a bridge over some very sad and troubled waters in my life.... If I am doing 'good'...it is because I can come here...I am not crazy...I am in mourning... Debbie...I think those grief counselors will inform your husband that 'one doesn't ever get over it....we just learn to go through it'..... that is not new knowledge....that is what centuries of Wisdom has been saying.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Laurie, it must be such a double edged sword for you and the whole family to have the grief doubled/tripled as it is. Would Mom ever come on our site? Would she find comfort here? I am glad that you are able to assist your parents at this time. You are a strong strong woman, stronger than you knew or wanted to know probably. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Dee and Susan, thank you for your kind words...she does seem to gain some comfort from the stories I share from here...this is some of her story... My mom's name is Evelyn. She lost her infant son from a heart defect shortly after birth in 1963...his name is Reginald...he was older than me....my sister, Julie, died May 16, 2003, (born March 3, 1960), she was killed by someone running her over with a car...the driver was never charged even after leaving the scene So to have this whole nightmare repeated again...with my son...we still have not found the driver as she ran away when she was being charged with vehicular homicide, only after I hired my own private reconstructionist and got the Attorney General's office to wring the sheriff's dept arm off...(special thanks to Becky who wrote a post about the help she found from her State Attorney) but who knows how serious of an effort the sheriff's department is making to find her...there is a nationwide search warrant but she has been on the run since late April.... And just to add a little more, the eighth day after my older sister's funeral, my younger sister, Valarie, was diagnosed with a pituitary tumors close to the brain stalk...which is a health battle she has been fighting every since...she is in pretty much stable condition now but is definitely disabled I hope this is not too much information, I don't want to overwhelm anyone here... ************************** Lora, good to see your last post....it sounds like you have been really busy helping your mom and dad...I am sorry to hear that about your brother Todd...I thought about your sweet daughter Cara today...I can picture her glowing smile and kind demeanor... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Hi all I went to the beach today for a few hours and cried as usual.while I was sitting thete I looked down and saw a shell I hadn't noticed before I was far from the beach where any waves come up,and didn't see anything but clean raked sand when I got thete.in any event it was a small I think there called conch shells slender and twisted and pointy on the end .this is the small size people make jewelry out of.since Steve was a baby maybe 2 his first visit to the beach maybe ,he picked up one of the little shells and said mommy I found you a curly shell,except he pronounced it crurly that year .i still remember anytime we were at the beach he find be a curly shell even called them that till the day he died we went to the beach for is 29 birthday and again he said here mommy I found you a curly shell.so today I found a crurly shell maybe Steve sent to me ,I brought that and a few others home for him.just funny how simple things bring back so many memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Laurie, it is not too much for us to hear, it is however, too much for one family for goodness sakes. I am so sorry. So much to deal with. Is your Sister able to get around? Does she live with your parents? I will send extra energy in my prayers Laurie,for some healing and hope to find your family. Maryanne, I do believe the cruly curly shell was sent by your handsome Son. So wonderful when you can feel it isn't it? He wants you to know he is near. It is usually in those tiny moments that so many memories are stored. I am glad that you tapped into those today.I love remembering too, the ways my kids said things. Erica used to say: skita-ma-bites for mosquito bites. Love that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hoosiermom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Hello friends I hope everyone had a peaceful holiday weekend filled with precious memories of your angels. My mom came to visit & stayed for a couple days, it was good to have her love & support. I had my grandbaby girl too & that helped so much. Yesterday on Brianna's angelversary I spent the day just resting after the busyness of the weekend. My youngest daughter took me to lunch & we had a lovely time. She was concerned & kept asking if I was ok & giving me hugs. Wanted to share a few favorite pics & sweet memories of our precious girl we adored so much. Love lives on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hoosiermom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Hello friends I hope everyone had a peaceful holiday weekend filled with precious memories of your angels. My mom came to visit & stayed for a couple days, it was good to have her love & support. I had my grandbaby girl too & that helped so much. Yesterday on Brianna's angelversary I spent the day just resting after the busyness of the weekend. My youngest daughter took me to lunch & we had a lovely time. She was concerned & kept asking if I was ok & giving me hugs. Wanted to share a few favorite pics & sweet memories of our precious girl we adored so much. Love lives on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hoosiermom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Somehow I double posted--doing this from my phone! Wanted to share a pic of my grand girl too her name is Marlee Marie--she has her auntie Bri's middle name. Love this precious baby so much! Her sweet face reminds me of all 3 of my daughters when they were tiny. What a blessing she is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Jenn, your Grand-Girl is gorgeous. What a face and I do see your Girls in her. She is lovely and I am so glad that you had time with her yesterday on such a hard date. I am sorry that I did not realize our dates were so close. I am happy that you were able to be near those you love so much and love you so much, and together could support each other. Prayers. Lori, I will be around for most of that week so whenever you like, we can get together...preferably not Wednesday as I tutor three kids that day at odd times that would limit my time with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 JennWhat a gorgeous little girlI am a grandma-wanna-be!I find myself loving others grandchildren until I get my own.To allMy Brian would have been 23 on 7-12-2014. To us, he is forever 16. We are going to a party on 7-12-2014. My friend, Bob has a friend Laa here from Thailand. My daughter, Michelle and Me are taking Laa for a mani-pedi on 7-9-2014.I am happy my family can finally get out on that day. To me, Brian's Birthday is the hardest.Colleen, Brian's Mom foreverI think of my friends here everyday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Jenn....you were in a circle of love and support...as it should be.....and you are in our circle...that precious baby girl has healing in her little hand....she is just so darn cute....love that hat.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted July 6, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Jenn,I'm sorry I missed Brianna's Angel Day. I sounds like you were surrounded by love and precious memories. Your Brianna is so beautiful and so is your little Granddaughter. Yesterday was my birthday and it was a very 'down' day for me. The highlight was the surprise gift from my Zak. A pretty textured canvas with a picture of a Mother Doe and her fawn. Today Zak was invited by Trista's friends to go to King's Island. I said no. Every possible bad thing that could happen was already happening in my mind. Tris was 17. It was a bright, sunny, clear June day. She was 3 miles from home on her way to the pet store and I lost her. I know they are trying to keep him close and I know he needs that too. I hated saying no. I just couldn't do it. He hugged me and said he understood. I hope he does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Oh Shannon.....that knee jerk reaction that comes without will.....that feeling that the other shoe will drop.....and fear becomes something that walks beside us....that fear is there because we have had the worst nightmare .....come true....if we can lose one child...we can lose another....it does happen....many on this site walk in the same shoes....I am not far enough on the grief journey to have gained any wisdom about this kind of fear....to give you any advise....but I know there has to be some words written by many that have learned to 'put a handle on this kind of fear'....maybe others on this site can help...... A belated Birthday.....Zak has an Artist heart for sure.... yesterday my Golden Girl....Miss Pat passed away....she was so chic and classic....and we talked Sinatra..books...and places and things....I will miss her......I think I will always call her apartment...'Pat's Place'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hoosiermom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Thank you for your kind words & please do not be sorry for missing my girls day. It is ok!! I have learned that life is for the living. My oldest daughter went on a canoe trip yesterday with my blessing & she had a wonderful time. I can't think of a better way to honor her sister than by being with her hubby & friends & having fun! Everyone's grief journey is uniquely their own although we share many of the same feelings & experiences. It is like waves in the ocean--some are gentle & some will send you head over heels. I think the key is to learn to ride each wave as they come. Fighting those waves can drag you under. I keep all of you close to my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Jenn, sending you warm thoughts and prayers for Brianna's Angel day...it was good that you were able to share that day with your loved ones....thank you for sharing the pictures .... your grand girl Marlee is a sweetie.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2014 Susan, I am sorry to hear of your Golden Girl's passing...thinking of Pat now as she reunites with those she loves in that heavenly realm... Shannon, I understand that need to keep Zak close under your wing, did the same with Christina....wishing you peace.... Colleen, know how hard those lead up days to a birthday can be... Becky, sending prayers your way...your post does say it all what it is like to walk this nightmare... ****************I stopped briefly here at a Mc Donald's to post, wishing everyone a peaceful evening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rlolheiser Posted July 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2014 Hello to all I have been so busy as of late, the warm weather makes mom more irritable, so makes my work a little harder. I guess its to be expected, we have had some pretty warm days (when the wind isn't blowing) and I know I melt lately. I don't have the gusto I used to. I have found myself taking walks about midnight, but I worry about running into a nocturnal critter.. it is so peaceful and everybody is leaving me alone.. and the wind is usually down :-) I hope the weekend was great for you all.. it is mixed with bittersweet memories.. one minute we are laughing and the next, the tears fall like rain. My husband and son took off for a racing tour of the local racers. Our nephews and one of the nieces race .. It is good for dad and son to have some alone time.. my son craves to have us to himself. My daughter is trying so hard to find a place to iive that she can afford, she is on a housing list. I tried to tell her that until I have it in writing I won't let her take her daughter.. I just don't trust the red tape.. I don't need to get lost in that again. Jenn, I am happy you get to spend time with your grandgirl.. she is a beauty. I want to see my great grandson again.. but haven't had the chance.. right now they are only 130 miles away.. but mom doesn't travel well enough and I don't trust my car. I do get to talk with him on the phone.. he isn't the clearest as he is only a year and half.. Carol, it is so nice to see you here.. I think of you always well there I go.. thinking I have time to be online.. gotta run... thinking of you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2014 Leah, good to see you here tonight. The hot weather makes a lot of people crankier I think. It just gets hard to feel good in real hot weather.I hope that your Husband and Son have a great time watching the races and I hope that you get to see your Great Grandie soon. I sure do get it about going out at around midnight. A long time ago, when I was single and waitressing till late at night, I would come home and take my dog out for a long walk. Hardly anyone out, sometimes I would take a long bike ride after taking the dog. After a day filled with kids and waiting tables and noise noise noise, being out among the stars felt great. Becky good to see your post today. How are you feeling? Are your hands doing better, your neck and arms? How is the family? Shannon, Happy Birthday, one day late. Sounds like Zak made you a lovely gift. And it also sounds like he gets why you had to say no. Jenn, I agree, your Daughter going out and having a great day is the best way to honor her Sis. We live where they no longer can, and so we take them along everywhere we go. Laurie, pretty music, thanks. Sandy, how are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2014 Dee....I so remember being 'younger' and the night was always my best friend...it is quiet...and the moon and stars shine down just like the sun in the day.....and all would have a silver sheen...the trees..plants...road.... Leah....I, too, think that 'heat' can cause much irritation.....am glad your night walks can bring you some solace...and hope your family problems will find an answer in your favor.... Becky...what a great post....how true....and only those that have lost a child will identify....how are your health issues ? What about the court dates for Jasmine....have they happened ? Laurie....how are Christina and Thomas doing with their grief issues ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kalikama Posted July 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2014 This will be part introduction and part "rant" We lost our oldest son, 15 years ago, to a heart defect. He was in hospice and wasn't expected to live past two, when he was born. So we felt blessed that we got him for 16 years. I had 2 younger kids to focus on and was determined to get through that "first year". We knew when and how he died and had all the answers. Now, 3 months ago, today, our youngest (23 y.o) died of a heroin overdose. We had two shocks--one that he was using heroin (or any "hard drugs") and that he was dead. He died in his dealers apt. and they dragged him to his car, put him in the passenger seat foothold with his head and chest on the seat and took him to a parking lot and left him. He lived and worked in KY, while we live in MI, so we didn't see him much. He had been a firefighter, lifeguard and was working as a general manager at a pizza place. He was not a "troubled kid" (our middle child is bipolar, so I know troubled). He had SEEN the effects of heroin on others as a firefighter and as a friend. 2 days before he died, I think he was trying to tell me, in a joking manner--said he was going to text for April Fools day that he was a heroin addict and I told him I wouldn't have believed it. He said he didn't because he was afriad I would "cry and cry". I explained to him that I had buried one son, had another who was bipolar and had to even go through a heart condition with this one and that a heroin addiction wouldn't make me cry and cry. I think he had a premonition of me finding out he died, because I have never cried so much in my life. Then there was the Louisville Homicide. When it is an overdose, with no "defensive wounds", they don't print the car, the syringe that was obviously placed back into his arm, or take samples of the dirt that was all over his back when they dragged him to his car. SO, people, if you WANT to kill someone and get away with it, go to Louisville, get the person drunk (so they won't get "defensive"), shoot him up with drugs to make it look like a drug overdose and leave the person in their car. Try to make sure it is raining, because in the rain it is hard to identify people from security cameras and they will print the OUTSIDE of the car--if there was no rain. Perfect crime. They didn't even charge his PHONE to see who the last call was to. When, after 7 weeks I received it and charged it, there was enough information for them to have done a search warrant that day!!! I even had the name and phone number of their dealers dealer!! I thought I was pretty good at this grieving thing, until now. It feels like I'm asked to run a marathon just to get out of the house. Where with our older son, I was busy, busy, busy--now I have nothing. I stopped my private practice (working with autistic children) because it takes emotional, physical and spiritual energy, which I just don't have and am not sure I will ever get back. I'm 55 and cannot figure out how to live with this emptiness. I have a great shrink and she has me on meds that allow me to sometimes seem "normal". But they can be addictive, so she monitors me pretty well. I had my FIRST dream of him last night--3 months without a dream I could remember until today. It wasn't a "visit", like I had with the oldest--when he came I will never forget it--he was surrounded by beautiful lights and his smile was bursting and he LOOKED healthy--which he never did in life. . I just don't know if I can do this again. 15 years older, no younger ones to take care of, and a constant emptiness inside of me. I have a superb support system and have had friends visit from all over the country the past 3 months. It has been amazing. They are what kept me alive the first month, for sure. But now that they've seen me on "good days", many expect all days to be like that. I have very few good days and I hate to be "Debbie Downer", so I just avoid social gatherings if I'm not up to it. My husband's way of dealing has always been to be busy and to exercise. I wish I could do that. He seems to act like nothing has happened, so we are not a good support for each other, unlike the first time this happened. I realize it is still "EARLY"--it has only been 3 months. However, I also am the legal guardian for my brother with dementia and the POA for my 88 year old mother. (My dad died 3 years ago). So my stress level is through the roof. My depression is worsening, my life seems purposeless. I keep expecting God to show up with my "new purpose", like he has over and over again the previous years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2014 Oh Kalikama.... I have a broken heart from losing my son, John David...but when I read your story....it broke in another place....for you...I am pressed for time now...but will come back and write more for you...I am so...so sorry for your loss of both sons...beyond sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2014 Kalikama, I am so so sad for your losses. Yes, such a slam to have lost your First Boy due to that heart issue and to now lose a Boy to the nastiest drug; heroin. I just can't even hope to ease your heart at all but to urge you to stay with us and let us get to know you as you get to know us. We do have a few members who have also lost two Children. Our losses are huge, they are with us forever just as that Child's birth is forever etched in our spirits. Are you in Michigan? Your Son was in Kentucky but I tell you what, the mishandling of heroin overdoses is rampant in many states. Amazing that they could have nabbed the dealer and possibly the dealers dealer if they had properly used procedure to investigate this case. We have several members who have also dealt with the system or are currently working with the system in a myriad of different kinds of cases.My Girl, Eri died when she was 19, in Kalamazoo, Michigan at a broken crossing. This was in 20013, July 8th the accident, July 14th, she died. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sailormom Posted July 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2014 Kalikama, My son has been gone 4 months from a heroin overdose also in Louisville. It is running rampant in Louisville. They didn't check my son's phone either. I have all kinds of evidence on his phone. They don't care cause they feel as if our boys where purchasing and just as guilty but it has to stop somewhere. But yes if you go down in a dealers apartment they take you to an alley or wherever. I am thankful that didn't happen with mine, We found him in his own apartment. I even have pictures of the guy who my son bought from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2014 Kalikama------I am so sorry for your losses....of your 15 yr.-old son due to heart problems,and now your other son's passing. We, here at BI (formerly called Beyond Indigo) allshare one big thing.......the loss of children. No event in a parent's life can ever comeclose to these losses. I can relate to your story of losing your son to health problems,and suffering the tremendous sorrow & pain that accompanies this loss......then yearslater, to lose another child. It's almost too much to bear, and I know how it effects a parent. My baby girl, Lisa, died at age 6 mo. of accidental choking....years ago...then in 2003, my 31 yr. old son was killed by a sleeping truck driver. I do hope thatyou can continue to come here to this board, where everyone here knows, firsthand,the devastation that comes with the terrible loss of their children's deaths. Whilewe each must walk the journey we never imagined being on,...it can be of comfortto have others walking with you as friends who understand. Please come back. Peace to you. BRIANNA.......BRIANNA.....SAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING YOU , SWEET ANGEL. Jenn-----Sorry I missed Brianna's Angel Day, yesterday. Thinking of you & sending prayers. Leah-----Yes....I guess the heat can make everyone a bit 'out of sorts'. I do hope that yourdaughter finds suitable living arrangements. I think that you are wise to make sure about it,as many times agencies slip up, and cause much confusion & inconvenience for everyone.Good that your husband & son have some good time together.....taking in the races whichthey enjoy. Dee-----Many thunderstorms passing through today. Last night a drunk driver, or asleeping driver, or a speeding/careless driver ran off the road in front of our field,hitting our garbage can and dragging it down the road about 500 ft. before it fell off.Whoever it was just kept on going. I shudder to think if a person had been down there.Lots of bad drivers speeding up and down the roads anymore. PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 SailorMom.....I knew that many on this site could speak to her heart...and have that 'same walk'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sailormom Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Praying for you today Dee ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Thanks, Dee, for asking... my health continues to be an issue, trouble getting up from sitting or lying, off balance walking, walk a bit like a duck. Hands still numb and can't hold onto things. Now they are telling me it's nerve damage from diabetes and is most likely permanent. I am nothing like the person that once was, even moreso now. The doctor has recommended surgery for my shoulder, which I am not jumping to do, because I have worked hard to get to the point where I can get in and out of the shower and on and off the toilet alone, and I do not want to be completely dependent on someone to be here or to have to help me do those things. Between my health and ending third year of grief, I am very sad and cry at the drop of a hat. Susan,We still have to go to court for the charges that the driver that killed my son placed on my daughter. The couple of prelim hearings that we have been to have really wracked my nerves, as we don't want to be in the same room with her, much less listen to her speak lies against my daughter, my only child left here at home, wth can't she leave us alone? It only compounds our grief. Sorry for any angel dates I have missed. I try to read, but my sight is still not normal either. I think of all of you often. Thinking of you at this time, Dee, and am thankful for each of you that remain here so long to encourage and guide us along our path of pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Becky, my heart aches for your health issues...as though grief wasn't enough of a burden. I wish that we could collectively send enough prayer to find you not hurting and much more free in your body. Holding you close and thank you for holding me close. These are my hardest days, yes. Sailor Mom, thanks so much. Today marks that day when the train came along at the curve where the light had been out for 11months or more and hit my girls car. This was the day that changed our lives in so many ways 11 years ago. But magic was all around us, she and I spoke 30 minutes before, laughing and sending our love upon hanging up. She surprised visited me on the 6th, so I got to see and hear and touch My Girl, even photographed her that day. I have a sequence of events that let me know that there was magic all around my girl during that time. Not the kind that could keep her from dying, but the kind that gave us so many holy times. She lived for 6 days, giving more time to everyone she knew, and she knew many, to get to Michigan. Everyone got to say goodbye, not a happy thing to do but a good for the heart thing for all of them/us. They got to see her and touch her and paint her nails PINK, they sang her favorite songs around her, had candlelight vigils on the lawns of the trauma center, and had a radio show devoted to her for two hours on the Sunday before she died. Callers requested songs for our Girl. There is so much more, but for now it is enough. She is My Daughter for all of time, I will always be her Mom. Jon will always be her Big Brother. I will always be grateful for knowing her as I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Kalikama, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear son...drugs are a terrible epidemic...after reading the story of your son and also that of Sailormom, I am wondering if the "source" for these drugs funneling through your city might be the same...this something law enforcement does need to investigate (as why they are receiving a salary from the public -- it is too easy for them to put out a guilt trip on an individual to cover their lack of interest in actually doing the job they signed up for). I am forwarding you both a link to the State Attorney General's Office in Kentucky...it is part of that office's responsibility to make sure that drug crime is being adequately addressed... I had very good response from my own state attorney office when the officers that arrived at the scene of my son being ran over by an uninsured driver tried to pin it on him simply because it was a motorcycle he was driving ...the State Attorney's office also appointed me an advocate that got after the sheriff's department and made them change policy...Again I am sorry for your losses...drugs are a terrible epidemic that so many lives are destroyed by...Kentucky Attorney General's Officehttp://ag.ky.gov/Pages/default.aspx (Again, thank you Becky for telling me about this state office, I would have not have known...) *******************************************Becky, I am so sorry to hear the hardships you are enduring beyond the grief...as if this journey is not difficult enough without adding more...sending many hugs and prayers... *******************************************Dee, thinking of you today and sending prayers...I know these are some hard days for you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Kalikama, I am so sorry for your losses. I do know that you have found a good place to come to talk and to be understood. Dee, thinking of you today. I know how hard it is to relive those last days. Eri will surely surround you and give you comfort. Becky, I am sorry to see that your health is giving you so much trouble. On top of losing Jared these health issues are so hard to have to cope with. I hope that the days ahead will bring you some relief. Susan, I was saddened to hear of the death of your friend. She was lucky to have you at her side during that last period. On Saturday I headed into the city for a couple of hours to do a few things. Approximately half way there I saw many lights flashing in the distance. As I got closer I had to slow down due to the road being cordoned off into one lane. The Mounties were slowly allowing cars to pass. There had been a horrific accident. It made me sick to my stomach to see the Jaws of Life at the window of the van trying to get the person out on the passenger side. They had hit a hydro pole at full speed and the passenger side was crushed. I knew they were dead. They were working, but not in a hurry. There were ambulances and fire trucks. My heart stood still. Upon returning home we entered our house to find the TV on. We had not had it on since the night before. It was turned to a sport channel. Our lab lay in her favourite spot on the floor by the TV. We had taken her to the vet the day before for an evaluation and it was determined that even though her heart was irregular in it's beat she may still have a few months left. Early evening Saturday she began to pant heavily and then went into a seizure. We raced her to the vet to have her put down. In my haste to get her to the car I forgot my purse. I ran back to the house to grab it and again the TV was on. We always left a radio playing for her when we were out. Never the television. I know it may sound delusional, but I would like to think that it was my Jeff that had come to be with his girl when it was her time. At least that is a comforting thought. She was his dog after all. I sure do miss her but know that she could not live indefinitely. She had definitely pushed the envelope. To make it to fourteen and being blind and diabetic I think she had a good life. Since that night the TV has not come back on unless we do it manually. I don't know how that happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Kate, thinking of you as you find your new days with the spirit of your Sweetie Dog. I have no question in my mind or heart as to who put that TV on. Jeff was letting you know and his Old Pal know that he was near. He was with you All as this time came for his Pup. She had a very wonderful life. They are playing fetch now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Kate....there is simply NO DOUBT in my mind and heart that your boy was letting you know he was there....I have a poem for you.... Dee....our heart marker dates.....we weren't with you then....but we are all 'circling the wagons' for you now....the dreaded countdown that only a parent that has lost a child can understand....but ....I hold on to her story....the light in the car....the 'Eri cloud' in the sky.....her story is tucked away in my heart....and the gathering to say 'good-bye'..... I sometimes feel as if I am so close to all on this site.....that 'I' am a part of 'your story' as well..... Will post more later....will explain later....pressed for time.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rlolheiser Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Peaceful thoughts passed your way our dear Dee... thinking of you. Kalikama, wishing you strength as you again go through your journey, your definitely not ranting.. your sharing of yourself and your angels Susan, I am sorry you lost your friend Becky I wish everything was going better for you, health is such a precious thing.. I know we don't know each other well, but I admire the courage you show, and the strength you show us. thank you for being here and sharing your precious boy Sherry, it is always good to see you, I have been watching your posts and pictures, always giving me a smile. just wanted everybody to know I am thinking of them :-)Leah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Kate, I am sorry for the loss of your long time pet, it is difficult to have to let them go...shortly after Jesse passed I had to put down his cat Betty... in my heart I believe she went to him... ...I have read the easiest thing for those in spirit to manipulate is electrical devices...also have said prayers for the people involved in the accident you saw... **********************If I could ask for some prayer for my younger sister, Val, she has been having some issues with her lungs and her constant coughing from this is really stressing my mom..Val needs to make some choices to improve her health... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Laurie, Dee and Susan...thanks for your kind words. I do appreciate it. She was indeed a very gentle and loving friend. I miss her tremendously... but I know she is in good hands and running as free as the breeze...now able to see. Laurie, I am sorry about Val's health issues. I will keep her in my prayers. Thinking of everyone and wishing you all peaceful evening. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Thanks Leah and Susan and Kate and Laurie, your thoughts are greatly comforting.Big prayers for your sister Val, Laurie, big prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 I have a little good news for a change.just in time for Steve's upcoming birthday.i learned his story is going to be published in a book written by grieving parents called we remember our sons and daughters.i will post the details when I get them incase anyone wants to check out the book.i know nothing will ease the pain I am feeling with his birthday approaching but it brings me some joy to know his story will be told and he is not forgotten. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 KateYou shared much of your friend with us and I am sad for another soul exiting this world.However, our kids are guiding her through heaven now.Sending hugs your wayColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 Steve's MomThat is the greatest gift a bereaved parent can get is to have their child's story written for all to read.I am very happy for you.Steve is smiling down on you.Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kalikama Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 Sailormom--This just amazes me that our sons died in the same city, months apart from the same thing. The homicide detective was worthless, but if you have information on your son's phone, talk to narcotics. I would prefer to give you the name and number of the detective, privately. If you want, you can email me at kkalika@aol.com. I heard a rumor that the dealer is in jail, but I don't see any evidence on the Louisville 'mugshots' page. Wonder if it was the same dealer. We think his name is Aaron. It's hard for me to figure out how to keep track of everyone who wrote, without losing what I've already posted--give me time and I will get your names. Yes, I live in Michigan to the mom in Kalamazoo. I actually lived in Kalamazoo for 5 years in my 20's, after college. Worked for the county. My youngest lived there for about 6 months and his friends said they think that he might have first used heroin in K'zoo. God led me here, I'm sure. It is so hard to find anyone who has lost two children. I have actually not met anyone who has, unless they were preemies. Thank you all for your kind words of support. I'm in the right place, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 Kalik, you are in the right place, we all find so many ways to connect here and here you and Sailormom found your connection already, both new here too. And now I see that you and I share a connection with K'zoo. My Daughter sure loved the town. Please don't worry about knowing who said what because our names and stories will eventually work their way into your memory, no need to try to remember who is who. Tell us more about your Son when you can, when you are up for it, and more about you. Maryanne, how cool for you to be able to read about your Steve's story. Our Childrens' stories are important. Let us know more about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members danielsdad Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 Its been quite some time since ive came here, as unbelievably tragic as this is I am here because my 17 yr old daughter was killed in auto accident 6-6-14, I am numb and completely emotionally drained. I have no idea how any one person can stand up against such tragedy, I have been thru this with the death of my son 11-2-11, he to was only 18, I hear the same comments and now people avoid me,, It amazes me how nearly every person who claims to be a christian avoids me like the plaque. God is so compassionate huh? I believe they are afraid if God hates me so bad to take my kids then they too should not accociate with me either. What an unbelievable cicumstance, The question I get frequently from people is,, " I don't know how you do it, I would go nuts" well dumbasses I have only two choices, either keep breathing and suffering thru it or be dead. There face the facts I have too, so yes its probly best christians avoid me because their god gives them no understanding just tells them believe everything is ok as long as you believe in him, well for me thats a lie! As a person I have spent my entire life helping people with a very geuine purpose of uplifting mankind as a whole, If there was a true living god it would know this, with that, any compassionate living entity would not subject me to this torturous life knowing how I have truely conducted my life. So with that I now am completely convinced there is no god and all the religious crap that is spread is actually just evil propaganda designed to deceive others for gain by those who spread it. Yes it is possible to remain ignorant and avoid the truth and live a happy life believing in something that is not true. But if a person is truely trying to find the truth he won't ignore his ignorance. If the god that was suppose to exist would actually reveal himself then he would end nearly all the suffering of mankind, since this doesnt happen it leaves only 2 posibilities, either there is no god or he is evil and enjoys watching people suffer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 Danielsdad, all I can hope is that you feel the presence of your Children to let you know that they love you and that they are together and fine. I know that this may sound like a bit of disney-in-heaven, but I do believe that our Children are in a good place. That there is still a purpose for their souls. I cannot fathom the ache of your losses. The ache of doubling the loss. Can you tell us about your Girl and your Son Daniel? Do you have any family around you? My hope is with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kalikama Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 Danielsdad2--I had/have the same feelings about God when our 2nd son died in April. How DARE He take 2 children from the same family!?! I believe in a higher power only because I've seen Him/her work in my life. After our oldest died, 15 years ago (16 y.o.--heart defect) I saw how the universe seemed to come together to make that easiest on us. I was also able to help others after going through that experience. I did a lot of talking to high school kids on how to best deal with grieving parents. I, too, have felt that my life has been an experience of giving and making the world a better place. I was gifted to be able to work amazingly well with children on the autism spectrum. Now that my youngest has died, I have no energy to use that gift. Perhaps it will come back, but I'm not counting on it. We left the church we belonged to about 5 years after our oldest died. Although they were incredibly supportive, our middle son was dx bipolar (and currently lives in a group home) and the lies he told people about us, made me too uncomfortable to be there. Having 15 years between the deaths of my 2 boys, I have seen a difference in my grieving. When Bobby died, I had the younger two to take care of (and everyone else, it seemed!). Now, at 55, I have no younger ones to take care of and grieve that I will never be a grandmother, see my sons fall in love and get married etc. When Bobby died, the pain was so PHYSICAL--like every cell was pulling away. I couldn't eat, I couldn't find a position to get comfortable in to sleep, my body ached for him. With Ethan, the pain is so different. Probably because it was such a shock--with Bobby we knew he wouldn't last the year. With Ethan, I had spoken with him 2 days earlier and we were laughing and joking on the phone. We were planning on going down to visit him, the next weekend. His job was going well, he had just moved into a new apt. with a roommate--life seemed good. So to find out he had died of a heroin overdose AND was just stuffed into the floorboard of his car and driven to a parking spot for some poor passerby to finally notice him and call 911 was a double whammy of a shock. All I wanted to do was join him--and most days still do. I was in a stupor the first month--there are some things about that month I will never forget and others that I don't remember, even when told. We had to deal with the police dept., the medical examiner and coroner--things we didn't have to do with Bobby. My husband had co-signed on a car loan, so we had to deal with that. We have to deal with his creditors and send them his death certificate, so they leave us alone. And then there is the guilt. OVERHWHELMING GUILT. Didn't have that with Bobby. We couldn't have done anything to prevent Bobby's death--it was going to happen no matter what. With Ethan, we had no idea he did anything more than drink and occasionally smoke a joint. He had never had a DUI or any trouble with the law or work. He had been through the fire academy and was a firefighter up here until he decided he wanted to fight fires, not respond to lift assists or medicals. What did I miss?? Nearly every sentence begins with "I wish" or "If only" or "Maybe if...". I am counting on God to lead me to something to make Ethan's death not a waste of a wonderful human life. Even if we could've donated organs, but the people he was with made sure that couldn't happen. I have a wonderful shrink who has found a pretty good regimen of meds to keep me going. They don't work EVERY day, but some days are better than others. I think I have found "my people"--(and unfortunately, none include my family) and will stick with them--no sappy, predictable Hallmark platitudes. Our grief is something most people can't even imagine, much less feel comfortable around. They don't WANT to imagine it--just going there would put them at 1/1000th of how we feel every. single. day. I have spent years cultivating friendships and it certainly paid off when Ethan died. I had 4 "BFF's" tag teaming me, while my husband took care of other things. He is handling this far better than I. He can keep busy. Asking me to go for a walk is like asking me to run a marathon. He doesn't get that. I have no desire or energy to do much of anything on GOOD days. He is a teacher and has the summer off. Today was the first day I woke before 9 a.m., so I'm thinking it MIGHT be a "good" day. I hope that you get to the point of having good days. This first year, as you know, is the worst and if I survive it, I will probably celebrate. I just don't want to do this again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2014 Kalik....and DanielsDad..... I felt as if I was 'led' to this site....one night I was looking something else up on the internet....and this site opened up...right on the screen.... I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child....so......here....I find that I am not going crazy....I am just in mourning.... What you both...and many on this site has lost 2 children....are experiencing...is the 'fear' that many of us live with...'if we can lose one....we can lose another'.....the feeling of no control.....I found for myself this knowledge.....that I did not have a Super Human Control....to keep my child from harm...I simply had a Super Human Love for my child...I think when I became a Mother...I was so infused with this incredible Love...and it is powerful....that I was some Super Shield for my children... I think we all suffer from the 'guilt trip'....in some form or fashion....it is a knee jerk reaction to the eternal question..WHY...and that plays over and over like background music in our minds.... DanielsDad....I am so sorry that people are distancing themselves from you....I think many do that because they just don't know how to address someone that has lost a child....they are not mean....they are simply ignorant.....and I think many think it could be contagious....and of course...it opens the door to....'If they lost a child...I can lose one, too'.... and they cannot wrap their minds around it.....so.....they slink away and in that way....they do not have to confront a 'fear'..... a out of sight..out of mind kind of situation....But.....we on this site understand how it isolates...and hurts....when all we really need is someone to walk beside us... We don't want to put anyone 'out'......we just need people that can understand this pain.....What I have found....is that there is simply no way to educate people what this pain is like...unless...they, too, have lost a child..... then you have people that walk in the same shoes..... Many on this site have suffered with family and friends distancing themselves....causing another kind of pain....and the worse...a BETRAYED feeling.....and that causes such a loss of hope I have read many stories on this site of the hurt caused by family and friends that seem to just abandon the grieving parents.... Oh Kalik....yes.....many will identify with the loss of purpose.....I had a feeling of 'What's The Use'.....and with the help of Dee and others.....I went with my instincts to 'cocoon'.....(for some weird reason...I felt like I had to have 'permission' to cocoon...I stopped all my social and community events....).....and even now....I still 'cocoon'.....not as intense as the first year.....but I am still in the 'What's The Use'....still do not want to be in the mix of it all.....am still in 'grief and mourning'....I have a large family....we have 6 children...one daughter and five sons.....John David was the Beloved..Beautiful First Born SONshine boy....and I have 14 GRANDchildren.... I simply HAVE to give them this day....a way forward....a hand to hold....memory makers of good times....and it is hard to pull myself up and out....even for them.....my one son, Jesse said...'We all knew that if Mom can make it...we all can'.....they are counting on me.....but it is hard....and I push myself.....and the one thing...the ONE true thing I can count on...are the parents on this site...that understand every word I speak...every tear...every emotion....all the pain....every situation...every experience.... I can come here with questions....and someone here will have an answer in that they experienced something similar...or they will just reach out a hand in understanding.... I have had some experiences....since I lost my John David....that I KNOW there is a God/Mother/Father of the Universe...Kalik....I , too, had a visitation dream...it was my John David... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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