Loss of an Adult Child

[SamDsmom]

Gretchen and Sandy,

Thinking of you. Sending hugs.

Wanda,

What wonderful pictures! Thank you for sharing.

Busy day today. I'll try to catch up and write more later.

Thank you to everyone for the support that I find here.

Debbir

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I’m pretty far behind on reading posts. I’m hoping for a little time today.

 

Betsy and Sherry,
I missed posting on the 14th but sent warm thoughts and prayers for peace and comfort Rich’s Heavenly Birthday and David’s Angel Day.

 

Sherry, I hope your trip was good and you had great time.

 

Betsy, The balloons release sounds nice and I’m glad your daughter was with you.

 

Lora,
My heart ached when I read your post concerning your cousin. I’m so sorry. I’ve been sending prayers since I read it. It does sometimes seem that some families have more than their share of heartache. I have had similar thoughts.

Of course my heart was with Our Dads,Wade and Ted, yesterday… and all other Dad’s with a Child in Heaven. I know how tough Mother’s Day was for me.

 

Wanda, I saw your pictures of Lane and your Dad together… precious memories. My Grandfather was a father to me. He passed a few years ago and now he and Tris are together. Like you, I still cannot believe what’s happened.

 

Father’s Day is a tough one for me too, Dee. My dad has never been any type of father. My Grandfather always was my Dad and he has left. My Zak’s Dad is in heaven too. We, of course, do celebrate for my husband but it is a bittersweet day in a lot of ways.

 

I’ve been very sad and teary over the past few weeks and now nearing Trista’s 19th Birthday my heart hurts so much. Been very busy and at even though at times I wish I wasn’t so much, I’m sure it helps. My Gramma is doing ok. She cannot get around well yet. She will be with us for a while still. We’ve modified things for her as much as possible. Our house is not really set up for one who can’t get around well. We have so many steps since it’s a split level. She has her own space downstairs though and we have figured out how to get her outside for some fresh air and sunshine every day. She is not one to be kept down and I know she’s a bit frustrated at the whole thing. She is probably one of the easiest people to take care of, though and she keeps her spirits up.

 

With all that’s going on around here, I’m very tired. I keep wishing for a peaceful, quiet place… far away from everything. It will come, in time. I’m just so exhausted.

[Mermaid Tears]

Steve's Mom.....oh....I do love that poem....and it does reflect the stance a Dad tries to take...to support..and care...for all the family that is falling apart...

  Someone has to be the hero in the room...(Dr. Phil said that and I have never forgot that)...

it comes into focus with many situations in our family....

and...Someone has to do it....

 

Sandy....we do understand.....it is the same situation for many of us....as I said yesterday....'I don't want to be the one that will rain on the parade.....or be the black cloud'....my children and GRANDchildren need those happy...joyful memories to sustain them....(just as I have memories to sustain me).....and we are the ones that are so important in showing them how to move forward....in tragedy and loss....

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....our son, Jesse broke his heel bone and it is a long recovery...he got one of those knee scooters....he can walk on it now....but he limps....but blessed that it is healing...

so....your Grama may have to eat some 'patience' with her breakfast....I am a really, really bad sick person...I just get so angry....and just want to be left alone....Daniel walks a wide circle around me when I am sick....

   I am just happy that she has you...and you have her....we have many on this site that are 'caretakers'....

 

And...I was thinking the same thing when June came...that you are going to be hit very hard with the marker dates...just breathe and hang on with both hands...

and we are here....

 

I can understand how Father's Day may not be the happiest of days for some....

    In a perfect world...I wish all could have the Daddy I did...and my Grampa was amazing..(in my little girl's eye)...

in fact...I think I spent more time yesterday going down the memory lane thinking of my Grampa...

[wgreenlee]

Maryann...

Thank you for the poem.  I read it numerous times.  It is true...everything is hard now.  I keep thinking of the next 20 years without my Brooks and I can only hold out hope that many of you have promised..."It will get better."  That seems to be getting me through each day.  I need to be more busy and with school out it's been difficult.

 

Susan...

Sorry to hear about Jesse.  Hoping for a complete recovery.

 

Shannon...

Tell Gramma that we're all thinking of her.  She's in good hands with you...so caring.  You are amazing.  Will be praying for good memories to surround you as Trista Mae's birthday approaches.  Hope the boys are having some fun now that school is out.

 

Wanda...

Your boy was the "genuine article."  So caring and loving.  He would be a delight to have in class.  Those are the types of kids who make teaching so enjoyable.  Thank you for the picture...memories...

 

I, too, still can't come to grips with all this...  When will I accept this new normal?  How will I finally accept this new normal?

 

Sandy...

"I feel as if I need to "play the game" that will make those around me feel better by keeping my thoughts and my heart to myself right now.   Would love to step away from life and grief, but as we know that is not possible, so will focus on what needs to be done."

 

Yes...that seems what we have to do.  Find something to devote your energy and find peace in doing it well.  I'm hoping my work in Alaska will help me.

 

Dee...

I'm happy you're out of school.  Another year done...now if I just knew what changes "they" will make for the coming year.  It's always a mystery.

 

Laurie...

I still haven't turned off Brooks' smartphone so I am taking that to Alaska so I can keep up with everyone here.  When we're in port we go to MacDonald's and use their wifi over a burger and fries.  I'm sure your mom appreciates you staying.  Be good to yourself as you minister to others.

 

Colleen...

"When Brian died, we lost so much more than our son. We lost friends, dreams, our future as we knew it. But, we have brought happiness back into our life."

 

Thank you for that thought.  It is there for me, but sometimes very fleeting.  Sometimes the sensory overload with Brooks is too much, and I just break down, but he is leaving me many good things to concentrate on...music...love of his friends...pictures I am still discovering.  I know it will be ok...

 

Debbie...

Thinking of you as you're out and about...hoping this past week and your decisions bring you the peace and comfort you deserve.

 

Lora, Sherry, Cherry, Ted, Carol, Gretchen, Jan, Sailormom, Kate...and all others...praying for good things to come your way.

[Sailormom]

Hoping Jesse get's well soon.

 

[Sailormom]

Hoping Jesse get's well soon.

 

[Guest]

.

[ericasmom]

Yippee Lora, I will definitely look forward to meeting up with you. It can be downtown or at my home or anywhere. Nice to look forward to this.

And I am so glad that you will have time to hang out with Jared. He will be so proud to show you around his new city.

 

Susan, I am sorry that your Jesse hurt his ankle. OW! Hoping for a quick recovery.

 

Wade, I must have missed your post about Alaska to begin with. WHen are you going and what work will you be doing while there? I think it sounds lovely for you to do something far away this summer. Fill me in.

Yes it will be a mystery indeed to see what new things the admin. will lay on our plates next season, but for now a rest. Husband and I spent two hours at the school garden today, weeding adn replanting those things that didn't make it. So kind of rest and kind of busy. I like the m ix. I am tutoring three different times each Wedensday with three kids at my home. Good to keep a bit of cash coming in and also to keep my brain in the game.

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....I am sure the family needs to have all the love and support that can be mustered around in this earth home..I know it will be so hard for you to press through...

you have certainly been spread thin here lately....

and....living with the grief...

but I am happy that you and Dee will be together..'one fine day' in the near future...

it makes me very emotional for some reason....

maybe like in 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'.....

we were all supposed to come together

for some reason...

that we just don't have a clue about...

except our common ground in the love..care..and deep grief

for our child...

 

[ericasmom]

As a former BI poster used to say: " Strength for the journey" that is what is needed for those of us having to face another complication or sadness. It is also a good saying for the daily strength we need to find especially early in our grief, to help us carry on somehow.

 

 

(Thanks Bonnie)

[ericasmom]

Some bad weather hit Nebraska tonight, everyone be careful please.

[SamDsmom]

Thanks Dee. I don't really have time to post. My daughter is in jail looking at prison time. Very sad but a relief that she gfs a roof over her head and food. It has do with her father. It is a long story that I don't have time or energy for right now. The thing on my heart is that she called me last night. I don't have jail minutes set up on my phone yet we only got our 1 free minute before it cut off. Basically she went to see him on father's day. He told her to get out that he couldn't stand the sight of her. On the way out she knocked over his girlfriend's plant, on purpose I'm sure, and he attacked her. She said he rubbed her face on the ground and told her he hated her. She got up and grabbed the first thing she could find and swung at him (a shovel) and nicked his head. She was high. It makes me so sad for her. It breaks my heart that I can't help her. The pain in her heart. He is a cruel cruel man. All I can do is let her know I love her, stand beside her and if she stays clean help her pick up the pieces. Anyway I didn't intend to go into all that but I saw what Dee wrote and it was so appropriate.

Thank you to everyone.

[SamDsmom]

Susan,

I'm sorry too hear about your son. That has to be so painful and I can't imagine the healing time.

Shannon,

I'm so glad your gramma is doing better.

Well I have so much more I want to write to everyone. I am reading everything. I thought I was going to have a little more time. Lora, Laurie, Cherry, Gretchen, Sandy, Maryann, Dee, Wade, Ted everyone, I am so grateful that I have this support and so sorry we are all here at the same time. Really missing Sam. Trying to stay positive and not get flushed away in myself. Sam I love you.

[Guest]

..

[ericasmom]

Debbie, I will pray that your Girl is able to find ways to stay clean once out of jail. I hate that her father is not a good man but we know what that is like don't we? It is such a fine line too, to deal with addiction. We don't want it to continue and yet we don't want them on the street. No answers at this time in our culture. We need to find ways to help those whose journey includes addiction. It is a flip of the coin, my nephew is an addict but others he was with are not. We need to figure it all out with the hope of each person's future in mind. I am sure that your mind is in a thousand places-your heart too, but we are with you in all those places.

[Mermaid Tears]

Debbie....once again the Universe sends another Life Lesson...

in places and people ...family..loved ones...friends....where we really don't have that kind of control..

we have a Universal...Unconditional Love...and there is power in that alone..

  So...after jail she will be sent to prison....?

For assault ?

Her Dad pressed charges ?

   Addiction is so complex...it has every research scientist..baffled...

and as Dee says...a flip of the coin....who becomes addicted...who can walk through the raindrops and not get wet..?

How long has she been addicted? Is she the one that was in Texas ?

[daveydow1]

Hi to all the Indigo gang.  I've been having some computer glitches to work out.

I hope they aren't going to become a problem.  Just want to say thanks again to

all the nice posts for David's angel day.  My friends here at BI are the only ones

who remember.  I guess most of the people I know....family & friends have made

Dave part of the past.  Anyhow.....thanks again to all.

 

   

[daveydow1]

I can't get a full reply done and posted before problems occur. GRRRrrrrrr 

Anyone else having problems here?  

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry... I am not having any problems....

I hope your vacation was one of relaxation...and rejuvenation....

I was wondering if you got lost in the cornfield...

 

Yes....we can 'circle the wagons' for the parents here....and let them know their beloved child is not forgotten...ever...

 

Laurie....you Ok ? Hope you and your parents have had some time to let all the 'loss' of loved ones settle down some...so you can catch your breathe and have some peace.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Laurie....you Ok ? Hope you and your parents have had some time to let all the 'loss' of loved ones settle down some...so you can catch your breathe and have some peace.

 

Yes, I got back home late last night..a little tired...they seemed to being doing Ok when I left...my younger sister finally was getting over her bronchitis so she should be able to take over where I left off..thanks for asking...

 

****************************

 

Debbie, for your daughter would you consider writing a letter or talking with the judge... or if she has someone assigned to her behalf and talk with them...My youngest son got into some trouble which resulted on being on probation...mostly his actions were a reaction to the grief of Jesse and the result of being drugged by some one unknown BLEEP last November and robbed...the cops of course were not willing to admit they did not have a drunk on their hands but rather that he had been drug with a date rape drug and all his money was gone...

 

anyways with that being said...I have talked with the probation officer in his case and went over everything...I think it was very helpful ... I asked that grief couseling be offered...the purpose of the law enforcement / correction is not to be punitive but rather should be a goal with rehabiliation and restoration to a productive citizen status...I say that because my husband has been in corrections for 18 years with another 12 years with the health and human services dept. So talking with the right people can be very helpful...just having someone sitting in  a cell with no treatment options is not productive...but like I said, talking with those involved in her case can give them a better idea what type of plan can be created to address the situation....

 

In her case it sounds like there are more emotional and situational things going on rather than "criminal"...

[wgreenlee]

Faith, Tiffani's mother, requested the address for this site so I'm hoping she will join us.  Her family has been so amazingly strong through all this, but now needs the comfort and understanding that I know we all can provide.  Her Celebration of Life was full to the brim with people out in the hallways.  A true testament to the life that Tiffani lived...Renea worked in the kitchen...I stayed out in the hallway...just too much emotion but they had sound out there as well so it was an ok place for me.  One of the greeters was a man both Brooks and I have known for quite a while intermittently, and the first thing he asked was, "How is that amazing ballplayer of your's doing?"  He didn't know...and when I told him what happened he was very shaken up, but gave me a very big hug and we talked for a long time.  Then he went into the kitchen and gave Renea a big hug too.  Little things that give us hope...

 

You are together again...I know you will show Tiffani around, Brooks....love you both!

 

God, I simply pray for the comfort we all provide to each other to bring some peace and healing to Faith, Brad, and Bailee.  Amen!

 

Debbie...

The best thing that happened for Brooks was a short stint in jail due to his addiction.  The next best thing was that he knew it was the best thing and accepted that.  He also understood that now I knew he was safe and that was important for him.  We still talked every day...sometimes many times a day...and it was healing for both of us.  I also remember that first phone call where I only had one minute... Let me know if you have any questions about the minutes on your phone.

 

Lora...

I am excited for you to meet Dee.  Yes, emotional, but now the connection will be complete.  I, too, hope I can meet others some time.

 

Hoping that the bad weather in the midwest quiets down a little.  I know some of my friends in MN are getting some flooding.  I always grin when I tell them how nice it is here.

 

Love and peace to all this day...Please, uplift Faith and her family with extra prayers...I know you will because that's what we do!

[ericasmom]

Laurie, I am glad for your return to your home. What great strength and tenacity you showed by helping out at your Parent's home. You are a good good woman. I love the advice that you gave to Debbie. I wonder if the department of corrections where Deb's Daughter is will listen to reason.

[SamDsmom]

Yes Laurie, Thank you. It is my hope that we can try to get her into a long term treatment program. I'm hoping that if she has

the option of that or prison, she will choose to work a treatment program. I'm glad to hear your sister is helping with your parents hopefully you can get some rest .

Lora and Dee thank you for your kind words. Lora your cousin is on my heart. More later

[SamDsmom]

Wade,

I'm sorry I missed your post. I saved and rewatched Tiffani's video. She was truly amazing. I will continue to keep her family in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your hope from your experience with Brooks in treatment. We have been through this so many times. I will NOT give up. She is a wonderful caring young woman when she is clean. I'm thinking that I just have to call the number at the end of the jail phone recording to purchase minutes next time she calls. If I have problems I will sure get in touch.

Thanks again

Debbie

[ericasmom]

Wade, so good to see you today, and I am so glad for the information on Tiffani's memorial/celebration of life, that you were able to go. Yes, it is so hard to break the news to those unknowingly stepping on our landmines; " how is that baseball player of yours?" It is us taht has to protect them as they feel so sad and shocked and uncomfortable for not knowing, it sounds as though he is a nice person and was able to somehow recover the moment but I am sure that you made it easier for him.

Prayers for Tiffani's family and I hope that they do visit us here, maybe they will feel comforted enough to stay a while.

When are you going to Alaska? Is your lovely wife going as well?

[daveydow1]

Dee and Lora.....It  will be so nice for you to meet. Wish I could be there too.  

My perennial flowers are blooming like crazy .....some bloomed while we were

away but some still blooming now.....starflowers, poppies, peonies, and a few others.

 

[ericasmom]

Sailormom and Momofone, what is going on in your lives right now? HOw are you coping? Can we do anything to help?

 

[daveydow1]

Still having some problems with posting   Will keep trying.

Susan----Sorry about Jesse's broken bone. Hope he is able to recover soon.

 

 

[Guest]

..

[ericasmom]

Sherry, I hope that that issue with the computer clears up fast. Yep, many perennials are up and some are done, always miss those that bloom and leave so quickly. We had the prettiest batch of white iris this year, looked like birds in flight.

The school garden has broccoli, 2 or 3 kinds of cucumbers, kale and two lettuces, many herbs, 5 kinds of tomatoes, strawberries, three colors of bell peppers,  and zucchini, and squash growing. WOW!

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Lora and Dee, I think it's wonderful you will get to meet.

Lora, I'm feeling the same way about summer.

Wade, I'm glad you shared the site with Tiffani's parents. They would be very much welcomed here.

Susan, I'm sorry Jesse broke his heel. It is a long recovery. Glad to hear he's healing though. I take Gramma to see the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow to see if she'll need surgery.

Sherry, I'm glad your trip was good. I bet your flowers are beautiful.

Laurie, I'm glad your home. Also glad your sister is better and can help out too.

I'm still just tired so much. I miss Trista. June was always our favorite month. I'm putting the final plans on Trista's Birthday/Summer Solstice celebration. My gramma fully intends not to miss the glo run so my cousin is bringing a wheel chair and we will all take turns pushing her through the run.

I really don't know how to do this. I still can't think too far ahead. It's just too overwhelming. I still can't drive too far from home. I panic about something happening to my boys. My mind is still so foggy and I'm just learning to live with it. I forget everything. I've been dreaming of Trista but can never remember much except that I was with her. I'm planning on starting some new classes soon. That seems to help keep me focused some. I just have a lot going on right now. Even as I write this I realize that my thoughts are scattered but I'm too tired to keep them straight and I know you all understand. I read daily and think of you all. Peace and love to all my friends here.

[wgreenlee]

This is my hope...my everlasting, faithful hope that one day I will see my son again, and he will know me as his dad.

 

Here are a couple links that give me that hope.  There are too many others but I thought I would share these two.

 

https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1510-will-there-be-personal-recognition-in-heaven

 

http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/dr-ray-pritchard/will-we-know-each-other-in-heaven-1311388.html

 

By Dr. Ray Pritchard

Some time back I was asked some very personal questions about heaven.  A young boy asked about a schoolmate who died.  What if he lived a long time and then died.  How would he recognize his friend when he got to heaven?  The very next day the question was put the other way.  A mother, now advanced in years, talked about the child she lost in infancy many years ago.  How would she recognize her daughter in heaven?

The Bible does not tell us everything we would like to know about life after death.  That lack of information does not lie in any reticence on God's part, but rather with our own inability to understand the answer.  Heaven by definition is a realm unlike the world in which we live.  God could tell us everything we wanted to know but the answers wouldn't make sense to us.  It's like trying to explain the color green to a blind man.  Heaven will make perfect sense to us once we get there. 

So the Bible doesn't directly tell us how we will recognize each other in heaven.  But I think there are hints that tell us that we will indeed know each other (and all the redeemed) for that matter.  I Corinthians 13:12 says that "now we see but a poor reflection; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  Today we see each other dimly.  Our vision is blocked by our human limitations.  In heaven, the imperfections of age, sickness, weakness, disease and disaster will all be removed.  So will the taint and mark of sin.  The result will be that those in heaven, while retaining the essential core of their personality, will shed all marks of human weakness.

Will we know each other in heaven?  Yes, of course.  How else could it be heaven if we wandered throughout eternity not recognizing those we have loved in this life?   We will be the same, yet strangely and wonderfully different, transformed by the grace of God. 

One other small hint helps us.  When Jesus was transfigured, Moses and Elijah appeared with him on the mountain.  That's amazing, considering Moses died and Elijah was taken directly to heaven hundreds of years earlier.  But James, Peter and John immediately recognized them. 

That brings me to the answer.  Heaven does not abolish human personality; it perfects it in ways that we can hardly imagine.  In that day we will know each other completely, far beyond our limited knowing in this life.  In the same way that a mother recognizes her daughter's cry in a crowded room, even so we will recognize our loved ones although we have been separated for dozens of years.  Age will not matter.  The passage of time will not matter.  The young boy will recognize his schoolmate and it will be as if he last saw her yesterday.  The mother will know her daughter and the daughter will know her mother. 

How that could be is a mystery to me.  I would not understand the answer if the Lord himself explained it to me.  But I believe with all my heart that it is true.  For the children of God, heaven will be the ultimate family reunion, a place where we will have no difficulty recognizing our loved ones who have gone on before us. 

_____________________

This is what keeps me going!  I must continue to have faith and honor the gift God gave me 25 years ago no matter how difficult my path.  I so wish everything were different for all of us, but it is not...  We will be ok...not whole...but ok...and for me that will have to be enough.  You all have been such an inspiration, especially those of you longer on this journey.  I went back and read posts from the past...Dee...Colleen...Carol...Sherry...Kate...Trudi...Bonnie...Kathy...and others.  I am amazed at your selfless dedication to helping others on this grief journey.  I have seen the growth that will eventually come...not perfect...not absolute...not painless...but growth, nonetheless...and that will have to be enough for me...

 

My son...you were so resilient in life and now, so too, must I.  It is so, so hard...a day doesn't pass by that I don't cry for the loss I feel, but I see the difference you made and that makes me smile.  I visit and talk to you every day just like normal...my new normal...but I feel the hope you send my way.  Don't know how, but I feel it...  Through everything your outlook on life always involved a smile and kind word.  You never stopped being the man I raised even in your most difficult of times...and you made it.  I was always proud of you...never ashamed...but lately I have seen and heard more about you that makes me even more proud.  I am redoing your plate headstone before I leave for Alaska.  I will miss you, but know you will be with me wherever I go... I will see you in the sunrise and the beautiful open ocean...in doing good, hard work with others who heard me talk of you often...and I will not stop talking of you now.  When I come back we will get your real headstone and make it just perfect.  We will truly meet again and I will hug and kiss you...without shame or embarrassment...just like before.

I love you, buddy...Dad

This says everything about you, son...

 

[SamDsmom]

Wade,

Thank you. I get so wrapped up in all the chaos in my life. The pain in my heart over missing my Sam, wanting to hear his voice, see his s smile, watch him fulfill his dreams. All the things that we have all lost. I loose focus of what got my through those first few days, weeks. That is the faith and knowledge that I will see and be reunited with him again.

I don't know why all these crackpot crazy things keep happening. But I needed that reminder that I need to live my life as a testament to my faith in the Lord.

Thanks Wade, it's a new day. I know that Sam and Brooks and the rest of our angels here are waiting for us.

Debbie

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Wade,

Thanks so much for sharing that. I needed that today.

[Guest]

..

[tobyfreefoot]

love the picture of brooks and tiffani too.  so young and beautiful.  it is hard to understand why they are gone.

 

had a little taste of what my reunion could be like.  i went to my cousin's wedding in st louis and dinner the night before.  it was wonderful, filled with lovely people none of which i had ever met.  forest's death came up in 3 different conversations.  the first person pretended i didn't say it.  the 2nd gasped and started crying. the 3rd person said i'm going to get some water and came back with a tray full and didn't mention kids again.  so i'm pretty sure my reunion is a definite no.

 

saw this on line today. shannon it was nearly 2 years before i quit getting lost driving and ruining almost everything i touched at work.  it's ok.  you'll get better in your own time and until then take it easy on yourself and leave big gaps of recoup time and be very careful on the road.

 

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Gretchen, Thank you. I still feel as if I've lost it much of the time and I wonder if and when I'll regain all my faculties. I'm glad you enjoyed the wedding but yeah, people just don't know what to say to us do they?

It's been such a tearful day today. I don't have the time or space right now to just go somewhere and sit and cry. So instead, I cry because I burnt the toast, because I can't find the shoes I want, because I'm running late for an appointment. Just because everything. My Zak and his girlfriend of almost two years broke up today. He didn't cry but I did. He hugged me and asked if I needed him to get me some ice cream and chic flicks. I did get a rare moment of solitude today. I took my coffee to Trista's garden and had a full 15 minutes all alone. I just sat and remembered my Girl. In that time I was visited by at least 5 or 6 yellow butterflies, the color of the sun and of my Summer Solstice Girl, and one little hummingbird. I really needed that moment. Thank you, Sis. I love you.

[daveydow1]

Gretchen---Thanks for the writing....so true.....losing a child is a life-changing

and devastation that one does not  "get over".  Others who have not had this

heartache cannot understand....not possible for them to understand. As for

social events......I skip weddings and reunions.  Just not into them anymore...that's me.

 

Lora----My sis and I are in the process of getting my mom into a nursing home.

She's very weak and frail , and it's time...my mom agrees. Thanks for asking.

I hope you have a nice visit with Dee in Chicago.

 

Shannon----Yes, we had a nice time on our vacation.  Hope you will take care

of yourself and get enough rest.....be kind to yourself.

 

 

Wade-----

I, too, agree that our dear kids will definitely recognize us.  As you say....

the hope of seeing them again is a real and driving force in coping with all the

sadness, and sorrow of the loss.  Peace to you.

 

 

Dee-----

Our bellflowers and poppies were blooming when we were away, but we

did manage to catch the tail end of the blooming. Now, they, along with peonies

are mostly lying down due to heavy rains. They should have had supports around

them, but we didn't get around to it. We have cornmeal yarrow, pink yarrow, and

honeysuckle coming on now.  The harsh sub-zero winter killed most of Davey's

red rose, but yesterday I noticed that it has one live branch coming on. Lisa's

pink rose was completely killed off.  Will have to replace them, and put them in

a better place.  They did not get enough sun there, I believe. Have you been

doing any bike-riding? This a.m. I sat in my shaded sunroom and listened to the

little brown wren who built a nest in a birdbox that I hung out.....it was not even a

real birdhouse....just one of those small decorative ones, but I guess they liked it...

they built a nest in it.

 

 

PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

 

   Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry   

[ericasmom]

Sherry, I have not taken many rides as my back was not friendly but I did take a nice 8 mile ride yesterday. It felt very freeing and wonderful. I am hoping to do more of that this weekend, the weather should be perfect for a ride.

Have you fixed your computer issue? I sure hope so.

I tutored two kids today, one early in the AM and one at 4:00 PM, next week one more at 5:00 PM. So my tutoring day is Wednesday this summer.

The weather was odd today, very humid and no rain for the three days rain was predicted. today though the air was filled with moisture and heat. My ears were aching and my mood kept getting flattened. Finally the pressure broke with a rain fall, a heavy one at that, and my mood cleared right up and my ears no longer hurt. Big lightening storms and thunder too.

I hope finding the right place for your Mom is not too labor intensive. I am glad that your Sis and you can work with your Mom in this.

[wgreenlee]

Shannon...

That is so inspiring that Gramma is going on the run and you will all be helping her through...just like this journey...I will certainly be keeping you all in my thoughts that day and saying TRISTA...TRISTA...TRISTA over and over again.

 

I know the feeling of foggy thoughts.  I don't know what I thought my journey would be like as I approach this first year...but I just can't seem to find myself.  One day I can go all day and be almost normal and then just break down over the littlest memory in the evening.  Then the next day I can't seem to not think of all the memories and the whole day is smile...laugh...cry....smile...laugh...cry.

 

Dee...

I take off for Alaska next Thursday.  My teacher friend, Robert, and his dad run three commercial salmon boats on Cook Inlet every summer so I go up there and help out.  Be gone all of July and into August a few days.  We drift net, which means we set out 900 feet of net, 12 feet deep, and catch between 40 and 70 thousand pounds of salmon.  The main salmon is called sockeye or red salmon and goes to Japan for sushi.  I will use the money this year to buy Brooks' headstone.  Every day I will be thinking of that... Renea is going to go to her brother's in Vegas in July and then both of them are flying to their mom's in MN at the end of July.  It will be good for her to go home and away from here for a while.  She is still hurting over losing her job, and I didn't want her to be alone.  We just have to figure out what to do with Abbott, our cat.  I have learned that we are losing about 1/4 of our staff so we will be starting out with quite a few new people when the school year starts.  Who knows what that means...?

 

Gretchen...

I am now able to talk about Brooks in most conversations and if people can't deal with that...too bad.  I get your feelings... Why do people think that we just will stop thinking or talking about our children?  I am fortunate that his friends are constantly mentioning his name and talking about him... Maybe it's just the age...

 

Debilitating...I think I used that in one of my posts the other day...so very true.

 

Lora...

When are you heading to Chicago?  You guys better take a few pictures if you do indeed meet.  I'm kind of jealous, but will be certainly thinking of your connection in the "real" world.

 

Sherry...

I'll have to get your help with Brooks' flowers when fall comes.  Have no clue what to do.  Davey and Lisa's roses will be more beautiful than ever with your everlasting love...

 

Debbie...

"It's a new day."  That is one of the things I have been learning to not fear.  Nothing I can do about the past...although, as irrational as it sounds...I sometimes think if I just have more faith I could..but each new day does bring hope.  Hoping that good comes of your daughter's plight...hope...hope....hope!

 

Laurie...

I wrote a letter to the judge in Brooks' case and he did respond back.  I guess it was inappropriate of me to send it directly to me, but I didn't know...I was just being a dad...but it did help because he mentioned it in the courtroom.  He was a good Christian man and gave Brooks' enough of a sentence to get him thinking, but also allowed him to go to the Salvation Army Rehab.  Everything you said is so true and I hope Debbie can get the help needed for her daughter.

 

Love to everyone...kind of quiet tonight...hope everyone is ok...

 

Like Sherry says....

 

Peace and Tranquility to All

[shorty16]

My friends

Today is 6 years since my son, Brian died.

I just miss him.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[ericasmom]

BRIAN SWEET BRIAN

flying freely for 6 years now, joining in with Angels of Ours, helping those new to the fold, and always loving your Family, Always. We know. You will always be loved beyond words or parameters.

 

Colleen, hugs and prayers for you on this sad date, may you feel Brian's presence today in ways that let you know that he is near.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Brian, Brian, Brian…

Saying your name out loud today to honor you. Wrap your Mom and your family in your love and sweet memories of you today and always. Let them feel you near.

Colleen,

I’m sending love and prayers your way today and warm wishes of peace and comfort.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Colleen, sending prayers of comfort your way today...know how hard this remembrance day is...

 

 

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Colleen, my goodness... six years already. Where does the time go? I'm sure that Brian will surround your family with his loving presence as you celebrate another special day.

Wade, it sounds like a terrific way to spend the summer. Oh, how I love salmon. Do you ever grill it on the barbecue? We also do a mixed veggie thing in a grill basket to go with it. That and some wild rice and you have an excellent meal. I have to say that living where I do we eat a ton of pickerel...or as you guys call them...walleye. I imagine that Renea will enjoy the chance to spend time with her family. Sorry to hear about the job cuts. I hope that it will not impact you in any negative way. How is she doing these days with everything that has happened? This has been such a terribly tough year for you both.

I have been reading every day... but not able to post properly. We are having some work done at the house... and the constant interruptions are shall we say annoying...trekking muddy feet into the house, etc. The weather has turned in cool again with cloudy skies and some rain. Wade...pack a ton of mosquito repellent! We have one new type of mosquito that is the size of a small bird. Those hip Raid things are excellent. I wear one every time I go out for a walk.

Thinking of everyone and sending love and wishes for peace today. Kate

[Guest]

Colleen, thinking of you and your family. 

 

[SamDsmom]

BRIAN, BRIAN....Wrap your mother in love. Let her feel your presence.

Colleen,

Thinking of you and BRIAN. Sending thoughts of peace your way.

Debbie

[Sailormom]

Thinking of your Brian today. Colleen

 

[tobyfreefoot]

BRIAN  BRIAN BRIAN want your mama to see your name in print today and know though i didn't know you i have not forgotten and you live on in the hearts of many