Members Jeff's Mom Posted June 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 14, 2014 Susan I did fully see that she was not in a good place. I feel that right now I am just exhausted from a few years of much stress and anything added is at times too much for me to handle. Simply put...I am burnt out. After our telephone discussion I decided to go for a workout. As I was drained I felt I could only use the treadmill. As I started the young woman that worked there came up to have a chat. Before long she was telling me her life story. Twenty-four and a cutter from her early teens...attempted suicide, etc. I can't remember showing any signs that I was interested in being her therapist....yet this happens to me all the time. My heart went out to her, but I was far too tired to offer real support...although I did not show her my frustration. As I had just spent two hours talking to another person that was tipping the scales I had to say that as I was walking along at a steady pace on the machine I thought to myself that surely I must be already dead. This was purgatory. Surely I am not wearing a sign on my forehead reading open for dumping. My deepest respect for therapists!!!!How do they do it? Where do they find the place to draw the line? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted June 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 14, 2014 Davey , Davey , Davey!!! Shouting your name out loud !! Sherry, thinking of you and your handsome young man today! Kate, ((hugs)), I am so sorry, and I do know the roller coaster of emotions. I have a really hard time these days feeling anything but sad. The doctor told me this week that the nerve damage in my legs is more than likely permanent. Great. I walk and move like an 80 year old, or worse. Shoulder still painful, need surgery, but not anxious to move back to square one, helplessness....ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted June 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 14, 2014 Kate....my family has said I must have an invisible sign above my head....'Mother Confessor'....many are drawn to you because you have a 'well of empathy'....that only real grief can give you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted June 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 14, 2014 Susan and Becky, thanks! Please do not get me wrong. I have so much compassion for people. But that woman touched a nerve yesterday and I saw how far I have yet to go. I am not as strong as I thought. I could not separate my own experience and help them. I would make a lousy therapist. I have not being feeling very well myself these past few months and yesterday it all came to a head. My asthma is killing me. I am determined to pull myself together and make tomorrow a great day for my husband that has been through hell this past year. It is his day. As Colleen mentioned ...they have earned it! We have much to be grateful for. And we are! However this level of stress takes a toll and we can tend to crumble at times. I am so tired of being strong. I wish I could be allowed to cry for once. Just once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 " I go through the motions of living, but the essence of innocence and happiness has left me. ....Today I am content to lie on the ground and look up at the sky." ME too...how about we just look up at the sky together... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Kate.....did I ever tell you that you have one of my most 'favorite names'....anyway....you have been through the 'war without a gun'....yes...we know you have had to be 'strong' when you really felt like a weenie head...you have carried your Ross...through a minefield of bombs....you have carried...not only you and your grief...but I also heard your grief with your MIL....your Jeff...and you really never had the time to process one level of grief...with another....so....now that Ross is at a place of 'getting along'it is true...that you may have that kind of breakdown...that comes from so many trauma events....and it comes with you...being kind to yourself....putting a little light on yourself...it is ok....you have done a good job...you have left no stone unturned...you have no regrets... you so deserve all the attention...you can muster....to shine on yourself.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Thank you my friends...I appreciate it. Love, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Jared always wanted to be just like his dad. They spent a great deal of time together, we all did, with the involvement in sports with him. Grateful for the many memories! Missing you as always, J.D.!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 yes Laurie...so many on this site has to deal with so many levels...and years on years of grief they never had time to console or address....or confront....and take in.....and that is why so many feel so crippled in their healing....for they have layers of healing to uncover....til they come...to that healing of their child....immense... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Kate, I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I agree with Susan she definatly has some more serious issues. You know it seems that usually when I am really at my lowest it is so hard to be compassionate. For some reason strangers always feel the need to share their life with me. I can be doing my laundry, out for a walk, in the store, in line at a shipper and before you know it, I will know every detail, divorce, death, illness, family dysfunction. I used to really focus and listen. I always thought it might be some sort of gift, maybe they need to talk, I don't know. Now there are times I just want to scream REALLY! You have to be so strong for everyone else. I come here and find you so supportive. Hugs to you. Thoughts of Jeff also tonight. Laurie thinking of you. I have had an emotional day today. I'm hoping to catch up on my reading but I am exhausted. HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY DAVEY ANd RICH!Shannon prayers for your gramma. Hope she's doing well. I'm sorry I can't speak to everyone tonight. I am thinking I'd you all. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Debbie...it is only that you are being stripped down...for the high..or low...or the empathy....for me....it was a very...very....humbling event for me....very humbling....til I was stripped of everything that I thought I was... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Perfectly said. I soooo relate. Debbie...it is only that you are being stripped down...for the high..or low...or the empathy....for me....it was a very...very....humbling event for me....very humbling....til I was stripped of everything that I thought I was... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Rich and Davey...You are remembered here! Rich...Rich...Rich Dave...Davey...Davey Betsy and Sherry...My thoughts to you today with hopes of wonderful memories. As I looked back at posts from both of you from long ago, I see two beautiful people who've helped so many people on their grief journey. You have been "rocks" that others cling to for survival. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 SORRY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 I am a dad and my son Nick was a dad I had a dad, I am the only one left. My dad is gone and my son is gone. This fathers day will only bring pain and heartache. I can not see past the pain. My daughter wants to celebrate this fathers day and I do not think I can I will try but all I feel is sorrow This is the only place I can go where people understand what I am feeling and do not judge me for it. Everyone including my wife thinks I should think of something else and move on. They can't help me nor do I think they want to. Its sad after all I have done for them to have them turn from me when I need someone to be there for me. I try to talk to them and get them to understand but nothing works. I am going to give up and walk away maybe someday i don't know I feel lost and alone. I try not to make every post here about me and seem so needy sorry it just happens that way. I know I am not the only one grieving the loss of their child and my heart aches for those also I can feel your pain because I am there to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Happy Son's Day, Brooks! From Chad: "Thinking about you guys today. Thank you for making such a wonderful person to call my best friend. Your son truly changed my life for the better. And at such a young age he made a huge difference in who I am today. Love you Greenlees. Never forgotten." From Cookie: "He was with me all year. Much love." From Mikey: "It's a start. Love you Brooks Greenlee.Doing work on this wall." Went to Mikey's graduation this morning and then to Tiffani's Celebration of Life this afternoon. Sorry I haven't been here lately to laugh and cry with you...to love and comfort with you...to share... I feel like I am losing this grief battle... Ted...I will be thinking of you tomorrow. We will remember our sons and what they truly gave us when they were here...memories that will sustain us... To everyone else:Please tell your husbands...sons...granddads...Happy Father's Day! Susan...I leave for Alaska on the 24th. I'll be there til the beginning of August. It will be different this year. Maybe I will find myself again. Renea is going to stay with her brother in Vegas and then they will travel to MN to spend time with their mom. I'm already worrying about her. Love to all... It will be ok! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mysonrich Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Happy Fathers Day to all the Dad's here. The missing in your heart and the absence of your child in his or her physical form or the call that you no longer receive is very heavy on your minds today. I know that Rich and his father would go ocean fishing on fathers day. I don't believe his father goes any longer. It was a “guy day” and the ex's other half is no longer here. I hope that he thinks back of the memories of some of the trips and can smile or even laugh a little. I wish the same for all of you as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mysonrich Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Kate, shortly after Rich died I was working and a coworker came in and was very upset. Due to the manner in which she was acting I thought a tragedy had befallen her family, life. Turns out she was upset because she was late for work ! I can't began to explain the range of emotions I went through in those few seconds after she uttered the words , “ late for work “. I found that in these situations I had to distance myself from the drama of others because what is an awful experience for them is their life, their crisis and I found I could not deal with such matters. Many things in life become trivial if we are to compare . But who can compare? We are not strong enough to add the extra weight to our shoulders and in my case I did not have the emotional strength ,energy to spend. I lost some people along the way and that is somewhat regrettable. But, distance may be the key. Thank you all for your kind wishes on Richie’s birthday. Richie's sister stopped over and we sat on the porch , ate lunch, played with my charge for the weekend, Fiona. Talked. We stayed at my aunts home which is very woodsy and quiet. Not far from where my children grew up. Same town. Honestly, I was tired. I asked her if she would like to release the balloons with me. I am very careful around Sarah still. I never know what her reaction will be but yesterday was good. The wind came along and caught the balloons in a whirlwind , spiral like ascent . I'm not sure how far they may have flown . If they stay in Richie's hometown that’s all good. I asked Sarah to take a picture as I stood in a clearing in a hope that the balloons would clear the trees. She took a video and for some reason when we replayed and listed to her words it became comical. ( her allergies not the cause) Almost hysterical. A release of laughter on my end. I believe I needed that and could imagine Rich laughing right along. Dee, Sarah is teaching and enjoying life in the city. Ever summer for the past 3 years she has traveled. This year I believe she will visit Costa Rica. Last year it was Berlin. I tend to stay closer to home. Tbearw58, it is about you. A couple pic's. SUN was taken in NYC on a day out with Sarah. By the time I whipped out the camera SUN was what remained. And my son always will remain.http://youtu.be/jGXL-4bzlo0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Betsy, The balloons were beautiful. Thank you for sharing them. I'm glad you had a peaceful day. I know Rich was smiling down on you. Ted,I can so identify with you. I too experience the same with everyone except my friends here and my daughter. I called my mother last Sunday to see how she was because her brother died. She was very short with me. Bordering on hateful. She told me that when things like this happen we have to "grow up and move on with life and not dwell on it. " I got the picture. I won't be calling her any time soon. I do realize that she was probably reacting to her own grief, but I'm not subjecting myself to it. Same with my husband although I think our situations are different. I am learning to try and take care of me and get the love and support where I can. Mainly here. It is so sad and so unfair. I feel as though I'm the only one left who still feels and cares. Happy Father's day. I know mothers day was hard. I spent it reliving times with Sam and remembering all the times Sam made that day so special for me. Happy Father's day to all the dads here. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Lora, I'm so sorry. Your cousin and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I can't even imagine what she must be going through. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Lora,I read your post with sadness. Another life gone too soon.May the angels welcome him and comfort your cousins familyColleen, Brian's Mom 4ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Happy Father's Day to Wade and Ted....wondering if Surreal comes and reads.... it will be a tough day.....for that child is the one that gave you the crown you can wear on Father's Day... you grieve deeply....because you love deeply... Ted....I think 'most' people are afraid of deep grief....for in a way....they are facing death... there was that scene in Jeremiah Johnson....when the Mother lost one or two of her children from an Indian attack...she went 'crazy' in her grief.....she gave her only surviving child to him.....and from then on....the Indians were scared of her...for she went 'Mad'.... and in our culture....there is no training...no classes....in confronting death....accepting death....surviving death....of a childwe only have people around us that can give us an example of how they are 'getting through' a death of a child... for some of us....we are the first in the family that has had this experience....and it is uncharted waters...we are on our own....we will have to be the first ones to make a path through this hateful jungle....hoping that none of our loved ones will have to follow that path... You and others are in such pain....and you wonder why your loved ones can't or won't comfort or console you....they just don't have a clue....they just don't know how....and they could be afraid of speaking of death and dying... and we get stripped down to the bare bones ....in how we have been changed forever. I am a different person now...and I am still changing....in an attempt to learn how to carry my grief and go forward. Debbie....it is hard for me to wrap my mind around how your Mom treated you...maybe she is dealing with denial and grief in her own way......I have had friends whose Mom and Dad's were so mean and hateful.....and then when they reached adulthood...they completely cut them from their lives....one of my friends...(we started first grade together and graduated together)....told me that when she had her first child is when she was hit with the honesty of her parent's abuse....'how could you treat a small child that way?'....anyway...she had two other children...and a super Mom...and now a Grandmother....but....she would not allow her children to be around her parents...ever. Betsy....am glad Sarah was with you...and both of you got to release your love and balloons for Rich... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Susan, You are so right. There is no instruction manual for this. I find myself trying to figure out why I find most of the people in my life so mean. I don't know if they have been this way or if they are unable to cope. Or maybe I'm so raw and sensitive. I'm tired of turning the other cheek. Tired of pretending that it's just me. Tired of making excuses. I may be like the mother in Jeremiah Johnson soon. I think I basically try to be an optimist. Try to understand. I'm to the point now though that I don't have the energy to try to figure them out or tolerate it. Hang in there Ted. Nick loved you so much. That's what gets me through, Knowing that no one can ever take my Sam's love our memories from me. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Oh Lora, I am so sorry to hear this. My heart aches for his family. I know all too well the pain and anguish associated in losing a child his way. Sending my prayers and hope for a degree of comfort and peace. Betsy, the balloons were so nice. I am glad that you had a good day to remember Rich. Thank you for your kind words of comfort. I really do appreciate it! Laurie, yes, laying there like two kids holding hands looking up at the sky does sound so inviting. I always tried to see shapes in the clouds. Susan, thanks to you for understanding. You are correct in that there is no map to give us a direction to follow on this path. We are all unique and individual in our grief. Debbie, I am sorry that things are so difficult for you at this time. Please hold on. Yes, people can lean on us for support and for the most part we are there as caring individuals. However, there are certain circumstances that can place a heavier load on us and we lose our grip. It is times like that that we need to loosen that grip and focus on looking after ourselves. Ted, Wade, Greg, Surreal, and all Dads...enjoy your day. Fill your heart with those special memories that you shared with your child. They most certainly will be with you today. It is a very cloudy and cool day today. I woke up determined not to let this feeling continue. We are off to the city to enjoy Father's Day. Love to all! Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Debbie...I am going to be blunt....and I would never 'try' to overstep a boundary with anyone...I do carry a lot of respect and consideration...(everyday manners)...for others....with that said..... If what you have told me is true of what your family has 'said'....'treated'....'actions'....to you.....you don't have to figure anymore....they are mean and hateful....period. I think Kate has had her share of 'mean and uncaring' family and friends around her... We don't know if the upheaval that loss can trigger is what has caused it.... I am not trying to 'pry' or cause you hurt feelings...but do all you can to protect yourself at this time and place on the grief journey.You have enough sorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Lora...am so sorry ..... your cousin is experiencing the biggest fear I have now....the 'what if' .....'what if' one of my children lose a child....and I a GRANDchild ?What If.....I lose another child...? You will know how to handle it...and what she and the family need at this time... How are you now after the Angelversary ? I think it speaks volumes about the young man that was Cara's boyfriend...he does want and need you to stay in his circle. I am sure because he never wants to lose that thread/tie to Cara. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 No Susan, thank you. I find it validating. I second guess myself all the time. I Don't understand why I am surrounded by meanness. I try to look inward but ask I am asking for is some compassion and love. I have spelled it what I need. I need just to hear that they haven't forgotten Sam. I just need a text message every once and awhile saying his name. My sister is good and I can talk to her. But I'm afraid I will wear her out. She knows how they are and is validating. I do have a friend who almost lost her daughter to a brain infection who is very kind. But as far as Sam's dad and the rest of my family they are so mean. I have pretty much realized my marriage us over and it's better since I made up my mind. Now I just need a workable plan. Thank you. Kate,I have gone back and read some about your family. And understand. Maybe now i can quit trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I can't ever imagine a funeral being fun. I don't understand the lack of sensitivity. Hope everyone is having a peaceful day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Lora...I will certainly keep them in my prayers. PTSD is such a big problem in the military...I sure wish our government would take it more seriously. Debbie...Nothing wrong with you! Sometimes clarity only comes with loss. I agree with Susan...we always want people to be good and caring and loving, no matter what, but reality is...that's not always possible. You always have a place here in Carson City. Betsy...Love the pics...you can bet that Rich was there. I often look up into the sky thinking that Brooks is watching me. Balloons to heaven!!! Kate...Hoping for peaceful days ahead. It's so hard when others don't or won't understand. WE DO! Tell Ross Happy Father's Day from me! ------------ Thought this might be appropriate today, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sailormom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 So sorry to hear, my heart goes out to them. PTSD has taken a lot of lives and caused a lot of them to turn to drugs which still results in the same thing. Something needs to give in this world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 My son, Aaron, is in the Navy...and he is an Emergency Room Trauma Surgeon....what he related to me is that the drugs they give them for PTSD are very powerful...and when given in the wrong dosage...or coupled together....or mixed in certain ways can cause an LSD reaction....and cause some good people to go over the edge...very...very sad.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 kate--having a terrible teary sad feeling day. luckily i'm home alone. i was just wondering if it is just me or i'm gonna always have this. god just laying and looking at the sky seems like a perfect life forever. so sad today i can't stand it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sailormom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Mermaid Tears:That is exactly what happened with my son, but we didn't realize the damage that was done to him and didn't realize the depth of addiction till it was too late.We thought he was clean, and didn't realize how hard it was to stay away and how deep the cravings are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Gretchen....I went through a 'valley so low' for about a month....I started coming up for air around last week....grief is exhausting....and heavy....because everything 'cooks' inside us.....we don't see the physical....except for the tears...I wish I had an answer for you.....but.....I know how it feels to slip into that black cloud.....also...we are in a transformation....as Dee has said....we were changed when that baby was put in our arms and heart...of course we will change when that child it lost...and I become rather possessive of my grief...but then again....I don't see any hands stretched out for a hand out...I have to be somewhat solitary for I don't want to rain on anyone's parade...there is much to be grateful for...and many things to celebrate...and I don't want to be the rain cloud...am sure many feel that way, too.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 and I don't want to be the rain cloud...am sure many feel that way, too.... I had to drop a friend for that very reason...I think she just could not stand being around me...just could not stand the sadness of my new reality...she is a very churchgoing person...her husband has been a deacon for many, many years...but when reality hits of what this life can dish out she was the first one out the door.. Ted, don't worry about holding back or not sharing your feelings here...sometimes sharing in the pain and tears helps others to know its okay to feel sad, disillusioned, betrayed, or whatever...it is a hard road to walk and I for one in glad there is honesty in this "place", which I believe is what draws people to here... Wade, wishing you healing in your travels to Alaska...thanks for all you do here...are you still going to have internet access there? Gretchen, know that sad, sad place.... Sailormom, I have heard that story about PTSD from other military moms, a friend of my son's came back totally traumatized from a tour and his mom had such a hard time getting him treatment when he went suicidal... Lora, I am so sorry to hear about your cousin's son, I am sending prayers for him and his family... Mary Ann, Wanda, Cherry, Carol, sending out warm thoughts to you all today... Dee, how are you doing? This is a month out from Erica's passing...wondering if you start to notice changes in yourself as you get closer to the day? Debbie, prayers to you for strength as you are facing so many decisions... ******************** I am still at my parent's...in one month's time my mom lost two siblings as many of you know...so just staying here and hanging... I went to a metaphysical store in Lake Mills this morning...was a very interesting trip....found some things for my mom there and talked to the owner of store for awhile... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Thanks to everyone for the feedback. I do try to look for the positive. A very happy thing happened yesterday that I would like to share. We had to deal with finding a home for Junebug again. My daughter really isn't supposed to have a dog. She is a single mom and was concerned that her landlord would find out plus a dog is a lot of extra work for her. So I posted her on Facebook hoping that maybe one if Sam's friend's would take her for us. Well a friend of mine who is a counselor does group sessions. One of the members of her group came in crying that night because her beloved dog died. My friend called ne and said I can't give you any information ( I know about confidentiality) but I know someone who might want JUNEBUG. I know my friend would not have called me if she didn't think it was a good match. So to make a long story short. My daughter took her to this ladies house ib Saturday. Turns out that they were neighbors of ours when my kids were small. Their daughter is a good friend of my other daughter. Anyway she was thrilled. Junebug walked in the house and jumped up on the couch like she had lived there all her life. We are so happy. Juney has a good home now. I know Sam is smiling down from above. I have to believe that someone had a hand in it. Trying to hold on to every little morsel of sunshine. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Lora,I often wonder that a lot. It seems like if I could just find a reason for it, I could accept it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted June 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Hello to all my INDIGO friends. I have been away on vacation for a week, so am farbehind in catching up. First of all------THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR DEAR WISHES FOR David's ANGEL DAY.....JUNE 14. HAPPY BELATED HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY,..........CARA......YOUR SMILE WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOUR MOM.Lora----Sorry I missed Cara's birthday, but was on the road traveling.Thinking of you. Peace. RICH....RICH...RICH....HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY. SMILE DOWN ON YOUR MAMAAND WARM HER HEART.Betsy----Thinking of you......thanks for the poem. Dee-----I hope that school is out now, for you,...and that you are enjoying your gardenflowers, and just relaxing. Wade-----Thanks for your post. I pray that the difficulties of this Fathers Day can besoothed by your memories of dear Brooks, and your love & memories of him. Becky----Oh, sorry to hear of the nerve damage in your leg. Sending prayers. Susan---Thanks for your kind words. Here at BI we all become friends brought aboutby the sorrowful event of losing a child. We have a real kinship, and it helps to shareone's grief, and we each give other hope to go on. Peace to you, friend. Kate-----So kind of you to lend your friend comfort when she was so needy. I do understand, though,that it came at an inopportune time, when you were feeling so down. As you say......one simply cannotequate the death of a pet with the death of a child. I, too, mourned the death of my old cat when we hadto put her down, but of course it is not in the same league with losing a child...not even close. I am praying that you willbe feeling a bit better. Everything IS different when a child dies,....and will always be different. It is thedevastation of a parent's lifetime. Peace & prayers. Wishing all INDIGOS peace and comfort. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted June 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2014 Kate and others, I had to drop a friend of 46 years due to her insensitivity and waste of her life on bad folks...men that not only treat her like crap but she idolizes them and puts them before others. One of the men she was with broke up with her, this was about 8 years ago, and she said, " Dee, now I know how hard it must be to have lost Erica." Really? A creepy guy that you are seeing while married to another man, a creepy man who actually made her feel like the dirt on his shoes most times she was with him, and she equated this to our losing Erica. I hung with her though and as we went along we had less and less in common, she accused me of becoming boring. She wondered why I did not want to go places and why I dressed in her words, boringly. Wow. The world changed and she must have forgot that I changed with it. Anyhow, two or a bit more years ago, my friend called me to ask something that had to do with another one of her creepy affairs with a married man, and I was unable to do it any longer, I feel like while I have been no angel in my life, the absolute disregard for others in her life was too much to keep watching. I had not even shared with her that I had been diagnosed with cancer, it seemed ridiculous to even enter that phase of my life with her, she had become someone I could not love anymore. It is sad but I am glad to have released myself from her mania. SailorMom- I am so sorry that your Boy had the experience of having meds to cure one thing only to become sadly addicted to the meds. We cannot tell if we might become addicted and I have known many who also had that same thing happen to their lives. Lora, deep prayers for your cousin as she prepares to say goodbye to yet another child. Deep hurt. I am so sorry for our veterans, the things they saw and the unbelievable task of trying to come home to live a normal life??? Debbie, I am glad that you have resolved some of your worries, the relationship that you need to just make some plans around...I am glad. It is not you Debbie, it is the people you have been raised with and joined in with. When we are raised by folks that are not able to be kind, it is hard to grow up and look for kind people, we look for those who seem familiar, and many of us who grew up in that way had to learn over time that we deserve goodness in our lives, and that the only way we can have that is if we clear the decks and readjust our sails and begin to treat ourselves good and kind. More will follow. Gretchen my heart was crying with your post today. That overwhelming sadness is the kind that just takes your wind out and lays you out flat, as though there is nothing inside your arms and legs, no energy and get up. You are facing another anniversary, it does not surprise me that you are flattened right now, facing your third year, trying to figure out where the hell you are going to find the energy for such an anniversary. These do lay us out, some years they come and we face them one way while another year they come and we feel as though our pain has tripled back. You let the grief come and let it out, it will not take you away, it will subside a bit adn you will find out who you are now. WE just keep adapting and changing. Will we always feel this sad way? At times, yes. But eventually we feel the heartbeat and rhythm of our Kids in our every step, we know that they are fine and we know that they are in us. It will never make up for the loss Gretchen, but it will one day go a long way to your finding more light. Laurie, yes to your question. As Gretchen is looking into July I am as well. The 8th was the day that changed our world, the day Erica was struck by the train, and the 14th, when she died. Yes, I do indeed begin to feel the coming the anniversary and I do believe that i would even without calendars or measures of time. We are parents, forever to those Babies who left early, and our bodies know something about their births and deaths that clocks and calendars can't give enough gravity to. It is in us, these days are a piece of our DNA. Wade, when will you go to Alaska? I must have missed a post. Sherry, welcome back, I hope that your trip was great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted June 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2014 I too had to drop friends, but I picked up others.For me, I really had to try to be positive. It was really hard, but with practice, I can somewhat control my grief.These friends were very negative. That is the last thing I needed to get back into life again. So I distanced myself from them.I found other friends that could help me be positive. When Brian died, we lost so much more than our son. We lost friends, dreams, our future as we knew it. But, we have brought happiness back into our life.Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted June 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2014 kate--having a terrible teary sad feeling day. luckily i'm home alone. i was just wondering if it is just me or i'm gonna always have this. god just laying and looking at the sky seems like a perfect life forever. so sad today i can't stand it. Gretchen, hang in there! I know it is hard. Will it always be like this? I doubt it. We have changed... but we need to feel comfortable with who we have become before we can relax. It will come but it takes time. I have always allowed myself time out for a day or so and then forced myself back into the old grind. Let the tears flow. It is healing. You are going to be ok in the end. Forest is behind you all the way as we are! When things become overwhelming just take one day at a time. Love, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted June 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2014 Thanks Dee....for pulling me up from the deep waters.....again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted June 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2014 deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sholl1955 Posted June 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2014 Just want to say hello and am thinking of everyone here. I read daily and the love and support of this group is so amazing. I am at a loss for words right now. I feel as if I need to "play the game" that will make those around me feel better by keeping my thoughts and my heart to myself right now. Would love to step away from life and grief, but as we know that is not possible, so will focus on what needs to be done.Have a restful evening.Sandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovU2themoon Posted June 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2014 thinking of all the fathers today, especially mine. who is in Heaven with my Lane. Last years father day picture ofLane sending balloons with messages to Heaven for my dad. and now...can hardly believe whats happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted June 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2014 duplicate Sorry I'm latethis is for fathers day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted June 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2014 Sorry I'm latethis is for fathers day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted June 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2014 Same here Maryanne,I was on yesterday but failed to say, HAPPY FATHERS DAY to all of you Dads and all of you with Dads that made a good difference in your lives.I had a bad-dad, so I often kind of let the day go though now that My Son is a dad, I do feel happy to wish him a great day. Wanda, thanks for the photos. How nice that Lane had a close relationship with your Dad. Together now and rooting for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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