Loss of an Adult Child

[Sholl1955]

Happy Birthday Dee!

Wishing everyone a good Sunday. It is sunny here in Indiana after alot of the same rain that Dee had to deal with, but it is cold. Still, nice to see the sun.

Sandy

[ericasmom]

Wonderful that Danielle is responding and beginning to mend. I pray for her full recovery.

Yesterday I was approaching a major street on my way to the gym when I realized I had to pull a u-turn due to water on the major road adn therefore very slow traffic, so as I pulled my u-turn, there on a tree next to the very swollen river, sat a Kingfisher. My first kingfisher sighting. I was so excited, still am at the sight of his squat neck and huge beak and big head. Oh how wonderful to see one. Now today, just 5 feet from where I sit in my office sits a robin on the nest she and her partner built, just outside the door to the tiny balcony. She sits atop her next which was built atop the light fixture and under a deep eve. Good protection for sure. Magical. My favorite bird song is robin, and here a family will be for the next few weeks.

My husband planted the columbine in nice corner of our yard, so pretty. We have a lot of the basic columbine, which are beautiful already, then we have some deep purples and violets, but now a yellow and some other kinds of purple, pink, and one white. I put some ranuculous in the front boxes, though I will need to plant some other variety of flowers too, so this started our planting time. fun.

[ericasmom]

Sandy, nice to see you today, we posted at the same time. Yes, you finally have some sun too, but the warmth will come on the heels of that cold. Enjoy the sunlight.

[BrendaDup59]

Hi, we too have a beautiful day here in KY today, Kaleb went to my moms and Mike went to do his thing and I am just enjoying the quiet. Kaleb did OK with the loss of Nikki , and we have all talked about it because of Bailey having sever separation anxiety we have chosen to find Bailey a home I already have someone in the country that seems to want her , I just physically do not have it in me the give her the exercise she needs and now I worry about her tearing up her face in her kennel when I go any where as long as Nikki was with her she was fine. but now with Nikki gone she is also so sad. I just have so many doctors appointments coming up . so I sure hope this works out.

I also wanted to tell you Brett and I have been talking and he moved 3 minutes from me . I just wish I could get him and my family back together it puts me in the middle .

I thought I would post some of my Bird pics I have taken lately. It is getting so pretty and green here and it sure helps my mood. I hope to get some pain relief soon when I can get my appointment with the Pain management clinic, I would like to get back to my drawing and working in my yard. I am going to try a have a small pond put in . if anyone has any experience with having one I would love to know what it is like . I have never had one. well I hope everyone enjoys the day .Love Brenda

[Mermaid Tears]

Let me introduce you to the rose...Mrs. B.R. Cant....(that is the name of the rose).....it was my Grandma, Essie Boone Kemp's favorite....she called it the 'workhorse' of her garden...there was a time there were no florist shops so the ladies of the community would supply flowers for weddings, funerals and churches...she would even make corsages for dances and formals. Her garden was what we call 'very southern' but my Grandma - Jenny June Eldridge...her garden was more 'English'...am lucky that the Rose Emporium is close by...and I can have Mrs. B.R. Cant in my garden....when I smell the rose...I can step back in time...and I am that little girl trailing behind her in the garden, snipping flowers in the sunshine.

[ericasmom]

This photo is not mine, taken rather, from the internet. A kingfisher. So cool.

Brenda, so glad that you are finding ways to make your life a bit less stressful by finding a family for the dog. I love that your bird photos are back, such a joy for all of us. Hey, good luck with pain doc, and wow, Brett is nearby. I hope this is a nice turn in your life.

dee

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Beautiful pictures, Brenda, Susan, and Dee.

Had a bit of a meltdown after getting back to the house after going to order Jared's Heavenly 17th Birthday cake for tomorrow night. We invited less people than last year, close friends of Jared's. I haven't seen some of them for a while, and it's going to be hard to see them as they are growing up, have jobs, driving cars....

I am going to bundle up, as it is COLD here today, and windy.... and I am going to cut the grass. Therapy. Thanks Dee, for being concerned about me overdoing it in yardwork, too late, I already have. Planning this party was what got me motivated, plus I didn't get to do much of anything last year because of my neck and restrictions, so I am trying to make up for that this year.

I gotta gets these tears out of my system today, and hopefully tomorrow I will be pleasant to be around.

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh Becky...I know many on this site will wish they could put their arms through the screen and just 'hug and hold' you while you cry...so...go ahead and just cry it out....and we will be praying...and our spirits will be reaching out to comfort that 'Mommie heart'...that is breaking. I didn't realize until the date was upon me that the 'birth date' would be so hard to handle. Tears are good for us...it does release...in some way....the heartache of grief.

I posted the photos of the roses cause everyone was talking about yard work..planting, etc....and that rose is so hardy..you don't even have to prune it if you don't want to...but be sure you put it in a spot that is large..cause it gets very big....and so resistant to all diseases...like Essie said...'it was the workhorse' of her garden.

[Jeff's Mom]

Let me introduce you to the rose...Mrs. B.R. Cant....(that is the name of the rose).....it was my Grandma, Essie Boone Kemp's favorite....she called it the 'workhorse' of her garden...there was a time there were no florist shops so the ladies of the community would supply flowers for weddings, funerals and churches...she would even make corsages for dances and formals. Her garden was what we call 'very southern' but my Grandma - Jenny June Eldridge...her garden was more 'English'...am lucky that the Rose Emporium is close by...and I can have Mrs. B.R. Cant in my garden....when I smell the rose...I can step back in time...and I am that little girl trailing behind her in the garden, snipping flowers in the sunshine.

What a beautiful rose! the flower is just stunning. Thanks for the update. I always love to add something new every year to my garden. It sounds as if it is very hardy and yet a show stopper. Dee, the kingfisher is really neat. Thanks for posting. Becky, I'm sorry that today is a difficult one. I hope tomorrow will be filled with memories that are fun filled and give you reason to laugh and remember that sweet boy affectionately. The first of birthdays without Jeff were really difficult for us. It seemed really strange to know that it had been celebrated with family, friends, and a lovely gathering...that now was over. These days it is a thing of the past. We acknowledge it quietly. His friends have move on... and so it should be. Brenda, how are things going at home with Kaleb? It is a beautiful day today. A sun filled sky and the warmth that gives me hope that gardening will soon be at hand. The birds are returning in abundance and it is a real treat to hear them cheerfully building their nests. Gosh, it was such a long winter. Thinking of everyone and hoping your day is a good one. Kate

[briansdad]

I went out Friday on Brian's birthday to where I have the cross where he died. I brought the cross home and left the old lady who complained this Note.......

Dear concerned homeowner,

I wanted to let you know that after eight years of missing my son every day you have been able to make my grief journey worse than it was.

Brian was my oldest son. He died @ 24 yrs. He was my best friend. I the past eight years I have had some people say insensitive things to me, but you, my dear take the cake.

I know, just by your attitude that you have not lost a child. It’s by far the worst thing that any parent could have happen to them. He is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to bed. I would give my life to just be able to see him once more.

He has a daughter who has only pictures to remember him by. She was only 5 when he died. He has a mother a brother and sister who miss him terribly.

I had adopted the highway to pick up the trash that all the unthinking people who live out by you throw out the window but because of your callous comment I will no longer pick up trash and I will also take Brian’s cross home so you won’t have to tolerate seeing the decorations that I have left too long to suit you. We live 50 miles away round trip so getting out to change the decorations in a timely manner was very difficult for us with the price of gas being what it is.

I thought possibly people seeing the cross at the turn would make them think about slowing down a bit on that winding road. But now it will no longer be there.

So I hope you feel comfortable knowing you have taken away another way for me to remember my son.

Greg Klocke

Brian’s Dad

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

To Brians Dad,

I am sorry that you had that terrible experience with leaving a remembrance cross up for your son. Sometimes I wonder about people and their lack of empathy for others.

I too identify so much with your statement that your son is the first thing on your mind and your last thought of the day. I never thought this was going to be my life.

My own birthday is the 29th...I think I will stay in bed that day.

I definitely feel what you are saying, I am sorry that lady did that to you. You have enough of a load to carry...

I do have a thought for you. I noticed a site that offered cremation jewelry for sale. There were chains and rings that have a small holder section in them.

I happen to have some of my son's hair so I want to buy one and place his hair in it to carry it around with me. You can do the same for ashes, (if you have any) or maybe a tiny piece of his clothing.

It is a thought.

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/cross-cremation-jewelry-c-286.html

[Jeff's Mom]

Greg, I am sorry that you had such an unpleasant experience at the site where Brian died. There is no explaining why some people are so difficult. She simply does not get the hurt you are experiencing. Brian will always be with you and keep watch as you go about your daily routines. Find a place in your heart that is safe to honor him. Hold him close and take him with you as you make your way going about you usual routines. Life must go on. He made is mark in this world and he will never be forgotten. I totally understand your hurt. Take care. Kate

[shorty16]

Greg, I am so sorry for this insensitive person. I know several more of them.

That is why talking with other parents who have lost a child is so important.

The cross by the road did more than mark the site of Brian's death, but may also help others to slow down and ultimately save another life.

Thinking of you, Greg

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[ericasmom]

BRIAN DEAR,

I missed sending your Birthday thoughts and wishes, please forgive me. Smile on your Daddy as he makes the changes necessary to keeping peaceful thoughts surrounding you, his beloved Son. Smile on your beautiful Daughter, Lord knows that you love Her the way your Parents love YOU.

Happy Heavenly Belated Birthday Brian Sweet Boy-

Greg, forgive my lateness, Your Boy's Birthday is the day before mine and just 15 days after Eri's.

I am glad that you left that message to the woman who so rudely approached you a while back. I think that what you wrote, she will learn a hard message. Sometimes it is more about teaching A person a lesson than teaching many. Brian's cross stood for a long while as testament to a Boy/Man who loves, is loved, and will always be remembered. His cross stood to remind folks of the need for care and caution. His cross was seen by many over the years and has taught those who passed it on the road.

Now it is time for the woman to possibly glean some knowledge of her actions. Even if it just pulls her to her feet in realizing your ache, she has learned a most important lesson.

It is painful for us to let go of some of those tangible ways we recognize our Child. I am holding your hand and sending you some positive energy.

[shellykut]

Greg - Removing that cross had to be difficult for you. Prayers that the note you left will make this woman think twice about how she treats people. Happy belated Heavenly Birthday Brian! Hold your Dad, Mom, Sis and Daughter up by passing some of your Heavenly Joy onto them.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[Jeff's Mom]

Thinking of you today, Becky. Wishing you a beautiful day to celebrate the life of your sweet young man. Kate

[517958]

Happy Birthday Jared!

[Guest]

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[Guest]

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[tobyfreefoot]

happy birthday jared!!

i got here just in time to wish you a bright and beautiful birthday. dance about wildly with forest. he will love celebrating with you!

haven't been here for a while. glad i got here for jared's birthday. sorry for anyone's i missed. been trying as usual to sort out my thoughts.

i do not have the strong religious faith and and conviction that most of you have so i spend a lot of time sorting philosophies and science looking for a way i can manage this. i will be going to see the artist that created forest's monument in may. it will take me by the kid's roadside memorial. apparently the pictures i placed there have been blown away so i have created some more permanent ones to put there when we stop there.

here is what they look like also what the rest area is like. don't you think trucks should not park right there? that is why there is a parking area. ashlie sailed off the highway and into a parked semi while drowsy driving. i hope she didn't glimpse it as she went into it. i don't want her to have had that panic sheer terror feeling. she didn't brake so hopefully she was asleep.

i think of you all everyday

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Jared! As you walk through your heavenly mansion on the other side of eternity, may a special healing grace be sent down upon your mom and dad this day.

Jesse David's Mom

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

gretchen forest's mom,

What a beautiful roadside memorial! Hopefully your pictures will stay in place this time.

Jesse David's Mom

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

gretchen forest's mom,

What a beautiful roadside memorial! Hopefully your pictures will stay in place this time.

Jesse David's Mom

[BrendaDup59]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Jared

[shellykut]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY JARED! Swirl and dance around Mom, Dad, & Sis in your unique way...the way you make your presence known in the pictures Mom takes! Come to the party they've planned for you with bells and whistles and joy aplenty!Becky - prayers to you and the family on this, the day Jared came into your life. What a sweet day that was!

[shorty16]

Happy Birthday, Jared.

We will say your name.

I am sure you and my Brian are hangin' out

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...prayers sent to you and yours...that you hold each other in hugs and hope....I think with the 'messages' your J.D. has been sending...you will feel him close.

I have mixed feelings about taking the cross down...I would think that it would 'maybe..sorta...kinda' make others slow down....this is 'maybe..sorta..kinda' the same thing our Warrior Mom ..Becky is trying to do...slow the speed down...to save yet...another family bearing this grief.

Was it really 'on' her property....?? Or...just road side....for the State owns that...and it would be the State to ask you to remove it...here in Texas..I have not heard of any 'removal requests'....so..with that said....I would put it back up...for who knows....who it can help??

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen...that is a moving and remarkable memorial...thanks for sharing.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Becky...prayers sent to you and yours...that you hold each other in hugs and hope....I think with the 'messages' your J.D. has been sending...you will feel him close.

I have mixed feelings about taking the cross down...I would think that it would 'maybe..sorta...kinda' make others slow down....this is 'maybe..sorta..kinda' the same thing our Warrior Mom ..Becky is trying to do...slow the speed down...to save yet...another family bearing this grief.

Was it really 'on' her property....?? Or...just road side....for the State owns that...and it would be the State to ask you to remove it...here in Texas..I have not heard of any 'removal requests'....so..with that said....I would put it back up...for who knows....who it can help??

I agree with Mermaid Tears. I actually found some information on Roadside Crosses from the Texas DOT. Their document is http://media.graytvinc.com/documents/Roadiside+Memorials+Rules.pdf from this article. http://www.kbtx.com/home/headlines/Family_Speechless_After_Roadside_Memorial_Removed_131638908.html

I don't know which state you live in Greg but perhaps you can check to see about roadside memorials from your own DOT. I may do the same in my state (WI). I have considered putting something out there but have been too overwhelmed to go to the spot.

Jesse David's Mom

[Jeff's Mom]

I live in a rural area outside of the city. Every time we drive back and forth from our home we see a familiar sign of an accident. A simple cross that is left at the scene with a wreath attached. They stay there forever until they become old and ratty if they have not been looked after by family. Nobody would dream of defacing such a heartfelt sign of emotion left by a loving family member. Sometimes I see people leave flowers in bunches at the site. It truly pains me to think that we are living in a society that has lost all feeling of compassion for those that are in tremendous pain. Still, is it for me to judge? I only feel sadness. Do what your heart tells you to do. Listen to what you feel. And do it.

[tobyfreefoot]

i counted 16 decorated crosses between my daughter's house and mine. (about 45 miles) most of the way is a very dangerous 2 lane hwy. i know 3 other people killed there that are not represented. if they have some rules they just don't enforce them here in oklahoma. also the memorial we have in texas doesn't really comply to texas standards but it is in the rest area so maybe that makes a difference. sorry greg to hear someone could add more heartache to your grief. bleah

[ericasmom]

Jared Sweetie-Boy,

Make your presence known on this very special day, the day that celebrates your arrival. A joyous day!

Continue to hold your Parents and Sister in your Sweet heart, and shine your light on those dark dark days, so that they might always be aware of your being near.

Becky, may this day always ring as clear as the beautiful boy it brought to you.

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, so nice to see you tonight. I have missed you. Funny, I watched that video that reminds me of Forest today...by Rusted Root, send me on my way. Gosh that man reminds me of your Boy so very much, the easy smile.

I think that the memorial is lovely, a testament to the two of them for sure.

[mikesmomrs]

BECKY...SO SORRY I MISSED JARED'S BIRTHDAY. I hope you were able to celebrate his life with the sweetest of memories filling your mind and easing your heartache. HAPPY BIRTHDAYS SWEET JARED...surround your mom with your spirit of love and joy.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thank you, each and everyone for all your birthday wishes to my Jared, for his 17th birthday, second one in heaven. I am totally exhausted, but it was good. The days leading up to seem to be much harder to bear than the actual day of. It was so good to be surrounded by his friends that loved him and miss him too!

https://www.facebook...714029797223602

Above is a link to the video of the balloon release, hope you can view it! We got the helium tank at Walmart, and either that wasn't the best decision, or as Susannah commented on my FB page, maybe Jared was trying to send the love right back to us! I was the picture taker all day, so I am not in any of the photos, but this is my laughter you hear in this video; (didn't realize that I had laughed til I heard it back) Too funny!

While we were busy releasing the balloons, there was a "rasta" sunset in the background!! Stillshot pulled directly from the video!!

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, it looks as if everything yesterday went well. So pleased to hear your laughter. Music to my ears. Take care. Love, Kate

[ericasmom]

Becky, yes, we mostly all feel that the lead up to the birthdays and anniversaries are harder than the actual day...and maybe part of that is on that day, we share with others who also loved our Child. Your laughter is music to Jared's heart I am sure. So nice to see the smiles and witness the love and support.

[shorty16]

Becky

It took me several years to finally understand that the months/weeks/days leading up to a special event are harder than the event itself.

I am happy your day turned out good. I hope you sleep well and your boy visits you in a dream and let's you know he is doing fine in heaven.

Colleen Brian's Mom 4ever

[ericasmom]

Colleen, buckle down to some cold tonight but nicer temps coming later on tomorrow and this weekend. Hooray for the mid-west.

Kate, how is your husband doing?

Leah, how are you?

Del?

Susan, doing okay? What about your husband?

Lora?

Carol?

Brenda?

Sandy?

Shelly?

Betsy?

Betty?

Sherry?

Truds?

[shorty16]

Thanks, Dee

Today was cool in the morning, but nice and sunny in the afternoon.

All my friends,

My son posted the following on Brian's Facebook site: "I would miss you Bro, but I know you are always with me."

Wow, I am amazed at how much I learn from my kids.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[Jeff's Mom]

Colleen, buckle down to some cold tonight but nicer temps coming later on tomorrow and this weekend. Hooray for the mid-west.

Kate, how is your husband doing?

Leah, how are you?

Del?

Susan, doing okay? What about your husband?

Lora?

Carol?

Brenda?

Sandy?

Shelly?

Betsy?

Betty?

Sherry?

Truds?

Thanks for asking, Dee. Not too good I am sorry to say. He has sunk into a terrible depression. That is to be understood. He is processing all of this right now and is feeling cheated in life. Hard working, honest, giving. Life cut short before a chance at retirement. It's hard. We continue to keep positive as possible at the prognosis. Mainly, disappointment at the support or should I say...lack thereof. The good news is that spring has finally arrived. Double digits at long last this weekend.

[ericasmom]

Goodnight Dear Ones,

keep your wonderful prayers working for the 2 year old of a fellow teacher, he is doing better each day. Still in the hospital but looking to go home in 2 or 3 days. Hooray.

[ericasmom]

Here is a poem written many Aprils ago concerning birthdays;

Birthdays without Her

I am feeling the ache of time again-

a benchmark of loss-

approaching her numbers

Her magic day-

April 4th, 1984,

4-4-84

Four,

a most holy number…

And I have come to know

that with some magic-

there is pain.

I shall always cherish the magic…

and always know the pain,

as they are what is left-

of Birthdays without Her.

By Dee Conmy

[mikesmomrs]

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[mikesmomrs]

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[mikesmomrs]

BECKY....had to comment about your balloon release and sunset picture...so glad you were able to celebrate your sweetie's birthday, and did you notice the beautiful heart shaped tree right in the middle of the tree line in your sunset picture? His gift to you... (sorry for the triple post)

[mikesmomrs]

This time 48 years and 364 days ago, Mike and I were in my parents' kitchen, making the rest of the "finger sandwiches" for our wedding reception the next day. We stayed up til after 3 am the day of our wedding, getting everything ready. My family helped, of course, but Mike and I remained long after they had all given up the ghost, and finished up the details. Our marriage was like that...staying together, "fine tuning each other," "finishing up the details" of "growing up together," becoming as one through those many years. This scenario played itself out many, many times...moves with the USAF...stateside, overseas, stateside again, overseas again...Nine places in 24 years...that's how military life can be. (And we loved it, truly.) New schools for the kids, new houses we turned into "homes," however temporary...new neighborhoods, new neighbors...new cultures as we moved through the life we had and the surroundings we were sent to...ever changing...but one thing remained constant...the "US" in us. It was always "us." Mike and Carol....Carol and Mike...always. He is now on the other side of that thin veil where our son has been for the past 6 years, 6 1/2 months; not touchable, but yet, reachable...there, always there. I reach out to him (and young Mike) every day...many times a day. I know he is/they are with me...I am thankful and feel blessed for that knowledge. But, oh, how I wish I could touch him...just one more time...just one more hour...I never got to say goodbye. We knew how much we loved each other...and maybe it was a good thing we never got to say goodbye...goodbye usually means gone...out of our world...out of our life, forever. Whether it's to a person or to a place..."goodbye" usually means something permanent. As we left those previously "new neighborhoods," we often said "goodbye" to those previously "new neighbors," never expecting to see it or them again; we had done it enough times to know that the "returns" never happened. But even military life with all of its changes couldn't make that one constant wonderful thing not constant...the "US" that we became. The "US" that we have always been comforts me, and fuels the belief that we will be together again, continuing the "US" for all eternity. And young Mike will be there, too. For all eternity. My heart, while it aches at my present reality, soars at the thought of the future, when we are all together again. For eternity. Happy 49th anniversary, my sweetheart ...I am a day early, I know, but I was thinking of that one last night of being "single," walking you to the door so you could meet your best man and get ready for our day, each of us so hesitant for you to leave, and yet eager for the next hours to fly until later that afternoon, when, before God, our family and our friends, we would change the "me" that was "me," and the "you" that was "you" into that beautiful gift of "US." And I am so glad we did. So, so glad. the pictures are of our wedding day, then our first anniversary, and of our last anniversary on this earth...on hold "until we meet again"...

[mikesmomrs]

Kate...thinking of you and your sweet hubby...holding you both close as you fight this battle...seize the day.

[Mike's dad]

Had a terrible day today, we went for a doctors appointment, ultrasound, and a few other things, and the baby's heart beat was irregular. It was beating too fast and the doctor found it "slightly alarming"

I had a nightmare about it and now I can't sleep. I hope my little guy is ok...

I hope Mikey will watch out for his baby brother.