Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Wow Mike's Dad, what a connection you and this Young Man, this Survivor have. He called you and you were both watching movies with the same guy in it...Right there is your Son at work, connecting you both. It sounds as though this young soldier, like so many others, never got the help he needed with PTSD and depression, the armed forces of our country do not (in my opinion) take care of our soldiers once they return home.

When a soldier returns home it is very much like our returning home after we lose our Child. Home is not what it once was. Home feels sad, it is foreign. The people that once stood with you might take ten steps away because you are made different by the experience and nobody quite knows what to do about it. When you look in the mirror, you see a stranger in many ways because here stands this person filled with loss. He saw so much loss. We hold so much loss.

I would imagine the stories Mike told make him want to know you, makes him want to feel connected the way Mike did. Chances are he never did have that experience in a family. His use of MIke's 'goodnight' tells me that this Boy/Man is deeply aching, trying to find a piece or remnant of his life before...and as much as I wish I did not feel this way, it sounds like he is on the very brink of leaving. I send prayers for healing to this young soldier and hope that somehow, he can get the help he needs to see that his life is still viable, still can do good things, and one day will feel better than now.

Mike's Dad, your Mike must be so proud of how you held his friend last night.

Col, as you know some kids never had the support systems our Kids had. It is so sad but even in third grade, there are children whose lives are lonely and without anyone there teaching them tenderness, love, respect, rules, and that they have responsibility.

Becky, the event you wrote about has me praying as well, for Skylar and his friends as they will be traumatized for all time too. THis is a hit so close to your heart, just like Mike's Dad.

Shelly, your prayer is lovely and even if there are folks whose belief systems are different than yours, they could surely see and feel that this is from a place that all of us here, share, our deep well of hope and prayer.

[Guest]

.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Mike's Dad, that is so touching how you reached out to this young man. I do hope you can go fishing with him. You may find some comfort / healing for yourself and so would he.

May God Bless your efforts...

[shorty16]

Ok, I have cabin fever in April. It is raining ice right now....This is the craziest Spring ever.

I watched a great, heartwarming moving called Courageous. It is about the struggles of 4 Christian men and how they try to live with the issues life brings them. One family has to survive the death of their 9 year old daughter to a drunk driver. Very good family movie.

Hope all my friends keep warm.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Lora, for your advice. He is eating quite well but can't seem to keep the weight on. He is not able to eat nuts, etc. But I did buy peanut butter that is creamy. Carol, thanks for your support! I will keep that in mind. I am just off to church shortly and will pm you later today. Hope you have a decent day. Mike's Dad...I too echo all that has been said by the others. I am sure your young man would be so proud of you and this is a huge chance to bring healing into both of your lives. Go for it! Becky, thinking of you and your cause. Also, please do let us know how Danielle is coming along. Sherry, hope your weather is improving. I heard from friends yesterday that were caught in the storms down south They had significant damage to their fifth wheel. They are just packing up to head back when they can get things in order. Yes, this has been a really strange season for everyone. Last week they had temps in Calgary that were so lovely and yesterday it snowed! Wishing everyone a relatively decent day.

[Mike's dad]

My ex and I got the feeling they were ashamed that their son survived while ours hadn't. We met them when we went to see him and they were very kind to us, but not to their son. I almost said something, but since we didn't know them I didn't.

The girlfriend he had was embarrassed of having a disabled boyfriend and dumped him. That made me very sad, because it reminded me that no matter who survived neither of these kids would've ever been the same.

The beginning of our call was so happy. When I answered he said "ya ever know of Josh Bro- Bro- Bro-...." "Josh Brolin?" I asked. "yea him!" "yea why?" he said "he look jus' like you, all handsome and everything, I'm watching him in a movie now." I was shocked and said "really so am I... That's weird." then he said "I knew I had to jus' call you, I thought Mikey's daddy will know him!"

I laughed so hard.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Jared's Mom -The representative that is helping us in our effort to reduce the speed limit on our road, where Jared was killed...

Becky, you may want to check with the DOT of that state. What I did for Jesse is that contact the northern division of DOT that is responsible for highway engineering. I filed a report with them since they are the actual agency that reviews a road safety, including the road construction and speed. In my area, this group actually meets on a regular basis to discuss these matters and the public can attend. If you want more info on this, just pm me. That way you are actually dealing with the people who make these decisions. Also will pray for the other family you mentioned.

Mike’s Mom, Thanks for your kind words of support for my son, Jesse.

Shelly, I enjoyed reading your prayer. Thanks for sharing it and putting into words so what is on so many of our hearts.

*******************************************************

I don’t know if anyone else has done so but I went way back to the beginning posts in this forum and read through some of the entries.

I think it showed me very realistically what I can expect, including the raw emotions and daily struggles are revealed by reading the posts over a period of time.

- I read some of the first entries of parents, the absolute anguish, shock and despair.

- I read some parent’s entries who just wanted to end their life when their child died.

- One entry that stood out from someone is that they said even though they may reach some happy moments now, the pre-death joy level that they had in life before the death was gone forever and always would be. I know for me and my family that will be true especially since this is my second child lost and the relationship I had with my son.

- I read about one woman who actually lost, I believe, 6 children at different times, oh my heart just broke for this poor mother.

- And the moms who struggled with guilt - if I had only done this or that - this terrible tragedy would not have happened. This is one of my biggest struggles myself for very specific reasons.

Lessons to be learned from these fellow sufferers are uniquely ours. A fellowship of the wounded trying to cope with the pain and loss of our beloved children. Our child, we want so much to hear their name again and to know they are not forgotten.

I wish I could say I was to the place where "I want" to know how to live my "new" life but honestly I am not. For me, it is an accomplishment just to make it to the end of the day. My other two adult children are both on medication now to help them cope with Jesse's death. This is where our family is at 6 months from my son's death.

********************************************************************

I did want to mention to John David's mom, regarding your husband's grief. My husband is reading "Life after the death of my son - What I am Learning" by Dennis Apple. This father was extremely close to the son that died. I think since it is written by a male author it would be helpful. This book very, very real and does not hide the raw emotions of the author. One of his journal entries is, " it's almost though there's a box deep within my emotions. Every one in a while I can remove the lid - just a little. When I do I see Denny inside. dead. I quickly put the lid back on and go on my way, because I can't possibly stand the pain." From the chapter, Am I losing my mind? isbn 978 0 8341 2365 6

The author, Dennis Apple is now a grief couselor and serves as a pastor as well.

*****************************************************************************

Thinking of everyone today....

[daveydow1]

Dee----- Only got up to a 'cool' 50 degrees today here. Weatherman keeps saying

higher temps, but so far----not true. At night, it's below freezing sometimes, so

when the temps are in the 50's, the breezes, blowing across the cold ground, ....

well.....it's a bit of an icy wind. Tomorrow, it's to be in the low 70's......we'll see.

I, so, understand the pain you feel at the heartless, indifferent way the rail co.

treated ERi's death. We had the same thing. Just cold indifference, after the

obligatory condolence they made. I agree, that we cannot ever forget our

child's birth, early years, school years, young adulthood, etc.....and , of course,

why should we? So, we will never forget or 'get over it'. Won't happen. We

learn to live in a different way, that's all.....but we don't forget.

Shelly----

Thanks for the prayer......so inspiring.

Kate-----We are in the " 7- month winter " here. Looks like spring tries to

get a foothold, but winter won't give it up ! Prayers for you & your husband.

Becky---

-Also, sending continued prayers for the dear young mother, Danielle.

WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Mermaid Tears]

to Jesse David's Mom....will get that book...more later...thanking everyone for their prayers..consideration....am just not ready for all this now..but have no choice...

[ericasmom]

Oh Susan, hold onto us---we are here to try to cushion this newest worry. I wish I could come sit with you and hold your hand.

Prayers and hope.

[ericasmom]

Have a good day everyone, because I cannot respond to this site at work, I just want to wish you a good good day here from home before I leave. I walked this morn, warm still and bird songs all around me, a bit of drizzle but hey, at least it is warm-ish. I got to hold my Sweetie yesterday for an hour at her house, and then last evening, got to take a walk with she and Her Momma. Lovely.

Did not sleep well, evaluation is in one week and I am not done with the crazy amount of paperwork involved in this new process.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thanks to all who have joined with me to pray for Danielle. Her mother is traveling to Mexico today to be with her and her family. I will know more about her condition once her mom, Michele arrives there. Danielle is still unresponsive, but has displayed some facial expressions, which has given her husband some hope.

The 15 year old Skylar, that was hit along with one of his friends in Pasadena, MD, is still critical, but the 13 year old girl walking with him has been treated and released. They still haven't located the driver of the Ford Expedition that hit them.

Laurie, we have contacted DelDOT, and they are the ones that so far have determined that 50mph is appropriate for our road. DelDOT controls 99% of all the roads in DE. There is no public meeting place to go to. They are who we are battling for change. We had 915 signatures on the petition that went to them a month after Jared's death, which caused them to do their so called road study, but the only change they made was to make the stop signs bigger. The problem is that when the speed was set on these backroads, it was all farmland, now this half mile strip has homes on both sides, 22 in all, with children boarding school buses, people gathering their mail, walking, etc., and there are NO shoulders at all, and the road width is only 21 feet, which by today's standards is very narrow. We are hopeful that our representative and the State Senator, who meet with the HEAD of DelDOT in three more days, will be successful in their effort to convince DelDOT to make a change. I live right on the MD/DE line, and MD lowered the speed to 40mph south of us on this same road, in an effort to try to persuade DE to at least match that speed or lower it to the 35 mph we requested in our petition. The half mile strip that MD lowered is all farmland, no houses at all.

(This picture shows the width of Rt. 54, which is the main road, a major collector that you use to get to our road, Providence Church Rd., a minor collector road.) Both speed limits are the same!

We applied and were granted the Adopt a Highway on our half mile strip in Jared's name. We cleanup every 3 months, and there are many drivers that don't move over for us, or slow down. If we do get the speed changed, then we will have to be on them to enforce it. This is a backroad that leads to the next town south of us, and many use it to avoid highway traffic and the 18 wheelers to avoid the weigh station.

Been working the last two weeks trying to get my yard in order. My husband helps me on the weekends with it. I love being outside, but there are so many reminders as I work of all the times spent doing that with Jared's help, that it is bittersweet.

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky and Dee, I am truly envious of your weather today. We are bracing ourselves for another nasty system coming from the Dakotas. The winter that will not end. The wind is blowing strongly from the north east and it is snowing AGAIN! The flood watch is now about to be updated. We heard from friends the other day that were hit in a storm down south. Their fifth wheel and truck were damaged. They said they wished they had come back up a few days earlier. Just looking on International weather and I think I'll take Paris today. Just pleasant. There was a woman in this area that disappeared a week ago. She was listed on the Missing people list. They found her body last Wednesday in a wooded area. The rumors are that it was suicide, as no foul play is suspected. Yesterday at church two women said to me that they could not imagine anyone doing a thing like that. That it seemed so selfish and horrible. I stood there dumfounded and was not able to offer an opinion without getting into it with them. They had no idea who they were talking to. How judgemental people can be. I hope you all have a decent and peaceful day. Kate

[Susie_q512]

Hi Everyone,

It's been a very long time since I've visited the site. I suppose it's just part of the process. I seem to have pulled away from most everything. Just recently passed the 18 month mark. I'm so very sad. This process has taken me to a new place. I still cry everyday and the missing has grown. Such deep sadness resides within me. Life has changed so much since Shannon was taken. I left the home in August, and have finally gotten an apt., but I struggle to make it in every sense if the word. My husband and I are separated and divorcing, which is long overdue, but it adds yet another battle. I spoke last month at Shannon's school and addressed her graduating class at Ghost Out. That was very emotional and difficult, but necessary. I've determined that she was distracted due to a common distraction. .... Eating while driving. A stupid cheap container of yogurt....opening it it trying to take a bite is all it took for catastrophe. Anyway, her friends have gone to prom and are working on their senior projects and preparing for graduation next month. My birthday and Mother's Day are on the 12th, a double whammy as I call it, then what should be her 18th birthday in June......all these dates suck balls. Maybe that's why the depression is so great? Who knows? I really really wish that life were different, that she were still here.....I spend much of my time lost in the wishing. My heart to each of you.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Hi Susan!! So happy to see Shannon's smiling face!

Your girl was taken just two weeks before I lost Jared. I know what you mean by the timeline at 18 months, how hard that was for us as well.

You did, by speaking at the school, what I hope to do someday. I talk to every young person I come in contact with about the dangers of distracted\impaired driving, and the painful cost that parents pay, when the worst that could ever happen, happens to their child. I tell them their parents love them so much, even though it may seem like at times they don't because they don't like getting corrected, etc., but it is out of LOVE, that is what parents do.

I think there have been a few occasions where I have started a dialogue between child and parent that wasn't happening before. I want to do more of that, but somedays I can't get out of my own way.

Kate, the weather was great here over the weekend, but cooler and cloudy today, but I worked all morning outside anyway. Long as it isn't raining, I don't mind layering.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks to all who have joined with me to pray for Danielle. Her mother is traveling to Mexico today to be with her and her family. I will know more about her condition once her mom, Michele arrives there. Danielle is still unresponsive, but has displayed some facial expressions, which has given her husband some hope.

The 15 year old Skylar, that was hit along with one of his friends in Pasadena, MD, is still critical, but the 13 year old girl walking with him has been treated and released. They still haven't located the driver of the Ford Expedition that hit them.

Laurie, we have contacted DelDOT, and they are the ones that so far have determined that 50mph is appropriate for our road. DelDOT controls 99% of all the roads in DE. There is no public meeting place to go to. They are who we are battling for change. We had 915 signatures on the petition that went to them a month after Jared's death, which caused them to do their so called road study, but the only change they made was to make the stop signs bigger. The problem is that when the speed was set on these backroads, it was all farmland, now this half mile strip has homes on both sides, 22 in all, with children boarding school buses, people gathering their mail, walking, etc., and there are NO shoulders at all, and the road width is only 21 feet, which by today's standards is very narrow. We are hopeful that our representative and the State Senator, who meet with the HEAD of DelDOT in three more days, will be successful in their effort to convince DelDOT to make a change. I live right on the MD/DE line, and MD lowered the speed to 40mph south of us on this same road, in an effort to try to persuade DE to at least match that speed or lower it to the 35 mph we requested in our petition. The half mile strip that MD lowered is all farmland, no houses at all.

(This picture shows the width of Rt. 54, which is the main road, a major collector that you use to get to our road, Providence Church Rd., a minor collector road.) Both speed limits are the same!

We applied and were granted the Adopt a Highway on our half mile strip in Jared's name. We cleanup every 3 months, and there are many drivers that don't move over for us, or slow down. If we do get the speed changed, then we will have to be on them to enforce it. This is a backroad that leads to the next town south of us, and many use it to avoid highway traffic and the 18 wheelers to avoid the weigh station.

Been working the last two weeks trying to get my yard in order. My husband helps me on the weekends with it. I love being outside, but there are so many reminders as I work of all the times spent doing that with Jared's help, that it is bittersweet.

Thanks for sharing more information on this for me. Your comments gave me a few more things to check on myself in regards to my son's death. The highway too is a very narrow road, with very little shoulder. One minute you are going 55 on the open highway but it changes suddenly and becomes very congested with many side roads. That is where the driver ran over my son. And I have already told the DOT that the speed is way too high for that stretch. When I contacted my representatives and State Senators, I had no response back. Not even the courtesy, yes we received your email.

However, it looks like you have had some success. On the stretch of road where my son was killed there was another cross not more than two years old. Again thanks for the details, it was helpful.

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan...so very happy to see you!!!! I am glad that you are ok and have moved forward. How nice to see that beautiful smile of your sweetie. Becky, I know that with determination and perseverance that in time you will win this battle. I have to say that I thought of you a couple of times working in your yard. As I write this it is still snowing very lightly. More of a drizzly slush. They are calling for temps in the low 20's (high sixties )week after next. I'll take it. We heard from Cancer Care today. The info was faxed over on Friday from the surgeon. Goodness, these guys work fast. Anyway, they are going over the results tomorrow and will let us know about an appt. with an oncologist and treatment options. We are so anxious right now. Still does not seem real. It's all happening so quickly. Well, love to all. Must get moving. Off to watch my show of the week. The Voice. Battle rounds this week. Still to early to pick my favourite. Take care, everyone.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

To Susan, Shannon's mom, what a beautiful girl she is! I am fairly new to this site and lost my 28 year old when he was ran over by someone.

I read through your posts and totally identify with so much of what you said. I am so sorry for your loss, including your husband's illness.

I am not sure why some of us are called to suffer so much, I just don't know.

One picture I have in my mind is meeting Jesus in a brillian field of flowers and having Him closely hold me while I wait with Him for my sons to return to me. I had an infant son that died too many years ago. I pray that you would feel Jesus holding you today until you join Shannon in the pure afterlife.

~Jesse David's Mom

[shorty16]

Miles dad

It took me a long time to realize that the driver in my sons death would also never be the same. In the beginning, I thought..he has his life..he can wake up every morning and talk with his parents. But now I realize the impact of Brian's death. It has not just changed us, but many of his friends and especially the driver, who I think is still running from this.

Once the hate left my thoughts, I realized no one close to Brian would ever be the same.

You are such a kind man for talking to that young man.

Colleen , Brian's Mom 4ever

[Susie_q512]

Kate - I've missed you. Please accept my apology for withdrawing. Not sure that I understand the "why" of withdrawing. I just pulled away from most everyone and everything.

Jesse David's Mom - thanks for reading some of my past posts. That time is such a blur to me. I mostly only remember the pain. I am so sorry for your loss as well. I'll never have an understanding for why this has happened to us. Makes me sick to think that it will continue to happen to others. We are powerless to change it or stop it.

Becky - I've wondered about the progress you've made to make changes and hopefully save lives. I haven't forgotten you or your handsome son.

A friend if mine recently asked me to reach out to her friend. His 19yr old son was killed less than two weeks ago in a motorcycle accident. I believe it was his only child. I've made contact, but feel as though I have nothing much to offer. We are without comfort initially, and many of us find no comfort at all. I'm hoping that I may be able to help him in some small way.

I ponder life most of the time. Not that it does any good, cause I haven't made sense of it yet. I'm just here. And yeah, I still have that pulse that I resent. Laughter has returned to some degree. I guess that's progress, but tears flow daily, and in spite of the laughter, I am so sad and lonely without my girl. Reagan is doing very well. Working and classes.....boyfriend and social life. She misses her baby sister, but youth seems to be on her side. She's much more resilient than myself. I don't worry as much for her as I once did. She has a strength that I never knew she possessed. I'm proud of her. Shannon would be proud of her as well.

Shannon's boyfriend hasn't faired so well. He died too that day. Just today he texted me that he would never be happy again. He's used drugs to numb his pain, and he hides behind anger. He recently had a dream of Shannon in which she said "you better check yourself". He wants to live with me, but no decision has been made yet. So many broken people as a result of her passing.....so sad:(

[ericasmom]

Prayers for all those devastated by the horrid attack on the marathon today in Boston. Prayers that the perpetrators be caught and that those whose lives are now changed by tragedy and trauma, find ways to process their hurt and fear. Oh my goodness, how does someone plot evil? How sad.

Susan, moving far away from all things familiar is not unusual for many who lose a child as you did, as we all did. You do what you must to survive, then you do what you can to live your best life, just as your Daughter would have you do. I am very glad for Reagan to be able to move forward as she is, she will revisit her ache and pain as she grows up, with each new phase or change, that loss will be present and so I pray that she finds ways to put her Sister's light on all things good and that you and she find ways to be happy.

I am glad that you moved out and that you are striking out on your own. Treat yourself well Susan.

[Mermaid Tears]

I so agree Dee...we cannot even come up with a 'why' for the attacks on the innocents in Boston...I can only sigh and pray.

Daniel started having chest pains..after John David passed....he had every test in the medical world...our son, the Dr., reviewed all the tests...would order more....the only thing they found was his cholesterol was a little high.....then everything settled down....a few days ago he had some other symptoms...I was thinking it was an upper chest infection...(so many around here were getting it)....but the Dr. took an EKG and it was not normal...so he was put in the hospital...had lots of tests....nothing conclusive...he was released on Friday evening...he had an appt. with his heart Dr. yesterday...today he has an appt. with his primary Dr.....they are going to do another stress test...but I am thinking there just isn't a 'test' out there for a broken heart. I will take it one day at a time.

[Mermaid Tears]

this was on Facebook....but this is what so many of us do when we are healing....for many of us it is such a departure from our 'normal' selves..but we are finding our 'new normal'....'change' is the only thing we can really count on.....to lose a child is not what we counted on for change.

We look up and see that the world keeps going on...and many around us are going on with their lives...as it should be....but many are trying to deal with the grief, too. We have to be reminded to open our hearts to those that need our attention and words of comfort.

[517958]

Susan it's so good to see you back here and to see Shannon's smiling face. She died just a few months after Charlotte so I've probably been in pretty much the same spot as you. I don't post much because I don't feel I'm much help to anyone. Char's sister, Julia, also seems to be doing much better. I'm grateful for that and I suppose her age (just 3 when her sister died) will help in some ways. Although, it makes me sad that she might forget her sister.

Julia is also turning 5 this week which is really weird to think about and very hard that she will be the same age and, if we’re lucky, eventually get older than Char was. My husband commented last night that it seems like Julia and William will eventually grow up and leave Charlotte behind. I went to Kindergarten registration which I was excited to do but it ended up being very hard. The woman recognized my name and asked if I had an older child and I said, “Almost. My daughter Charlotte passed away just 2 months before kindergarten.” She said, “Oh Charlotte, yes.” The other people within earshot just stared at me. Char was so excited to go to school and it still seems impossible to me that she’s not over there. Sometimes I just can’t figure out why we have to go through this terrible, awful pain. Daily, hourly, every minute of the day pain. In some ways I think the second year is the hardest. I couldn’t go back to the shock of the first year but the second is the pain and sadness.

[Jeff's Mom]

Prayers for all those devastated by the horrid attack on the marathon today in Boston. Prayers that the perpetrators be caught and that those whose lives are now changed by tragedy and trauma, find ways to process their hurt and fear. Oh my goodness, how does someone plot evil? How sad.

Susan, moving far away from all things familiar is not unusual for many who lose a child as you did, as we all did. You do what you must to survive, then you do what you can to live your best life, just as your Daughter would have you do. I am very glad for Reagan to be able to move forward as she is, she will revisit her ache and pain as she grows up, with each new phase or change, that loss will be present and so I pray that she finds ways to put her Sister's light on all things good and that you and she find ways to be happy.

I am glad that you moved out and that you are striking out on your own. Treat yourself well Susan.

How does someone plot evil? That is the million dollar question. I guess we are dealing with people that have absolutely no regard for human life whatsoever. That their cause justifies the loss of innocents. So very senseless and sad. Prayers to all of those that have been subjected to this terrible tragedy. Carol, I imagine you were very shaken yesterday with this bombing. How are you doing? Susan, oh my goodness. It is just good to know that you are ok and slowly finding your way through this fog. I know it has been a really difficult uphill battle on a daily basis. Just know that we are always here for you. Sending love your way to all. Kate

[Guest]

.

[Mermaid Tears]

So much talk about 'gun control'.....but no one talks about the 'slaughter on the hi-ways'.....I think we need some 'car control'.....

[daveydow1]

Lora----I agree that there are so many ups & downs on this lousy road we're on.

One can feel like they are finally getting some peace and comfort, and a bit better able

to handle the heartbreak......and then----out of the blue we get hit broadside, and

the tears and awful pain is there. I guess that it is a matter of keeping on going,

and doing our best, but sometimes we just have to cave in.....our hearts can

handle only so much. I wish you peace, friend.

Becky----I admire you for all your hard work in trying to get the road speed

(and laws) changed to a more sensible level. Hard to believe that the DELDOT

cannot see that the ones in place for that road are dangerously outdated.....

especially with all the new residences and children in the neighborhood.

I sincerely hope that in time, your efforts will bring about the needed changes.

Mermaidtears----I agree that the highways are the most dangerous place

anymore, and that it will be good if changes can be made---though the changes

are slow to come about.

Kate----Oh,....sorry that you had that encounter with those women who made such

insensitive remarks about the woman who was found dead. I, for one, never thought

that a suicide was a selfish act on the part of the person.....only sad.....that's all. Yep,

some people can be very judgemental, and vocal about their opinions, and the stuff

they say can cut like a knife..... sorry that happened to you. Yikes!!...your weather

must be like winter is trying to make a comeback.....hope it changes soon....to spring

days. Peace to you.

Susan-----

So nice to see Shannon's lovely smile, and good to hear that you are

moving forward with your life....even though it must be so difficult. May your dear

sweet Shannon look down on you and bring sunshine with her smile.

Dee-----Nicer day today....warmer here. It is overcast and is supposed to rain this eve. I

scouted the yard/garden area. Found hyacinth, crocus, helbore, and primrose

perrenials showing. I picked a stem of pink hyacinth and brought it into the house.

Also, there's a bluebird nesting in the old birdhouse that I fixed up last year after

a raccoon or other predator raided the nest. My husband has viewed the box from

a distance with his binoculars to see what bird was there, and said it was, indeed,

a bluebird. The parsnips he planted last fall are sprouting now. We'll have to be

careful and watch for frost forecasts and cover them if it comes. People are

mowing grass all over.......it has grown quite a bit in the past several days. Hope

that you get all your paperwork done. So great that you had the lovely time with your

new little granddaughter......ERICA. She must be a sweet as can be.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

I tried to post a pic of the birdhouse where the bluebirds are nesting......

Sorry....(I'm lousy at posting pics....I lost the file....GRRrrrrr)

I'll try again some other time, and maybe luck will be with me.

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh Sherry, how nice to be out and about in yard working in the garden again. How I wish. And people mowing lawns. Goodness, it actually was very nice here today. A brilliant sun shining and the snow is melting quite slowly. I'm finding myself slipping into that dissassociative mode of mine again. I attended a luncheon today that was quite nice. There were approximately fifteen ladies. The conversation turned to Scotland. Well as my husband's family is from there I piped up that I had been many times. Which I have. Then a woman started to ask me all kinds of questions. Absolutely everything went blank. A total blank again. I felt like a fool. And here I was unable to answer her questions and looking as if I had made it up. I hate this disorder. It is absolutely terrible. The curse of my life. Anyway, I will get over it, but it is times when I am most stressed that I simply can't function properly. Lately, I am not too happy with myself. I need to stay focused to help my husband. Lord help me if I wind up with Alzheimers as well. Lora, when do you leave on your holiday? I bet you are looking forward to time away with your friends. Have a lovely evening everyone.

[mysonrich]

[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo's, I don't have much to say right now. Earlier I found myself thinking to much .,Missing my boy, thinking about his sister, thinking about things I can't change and more. SO I packed up some gear and headed towards a waterfall that I've been trying to visit. I didn't find it. But, the spirits that flow around us did not disappoint. I also heard a song on Saturday that almost brought me to tears in a cafe' I found while looking for a lawn mower. ( walking and mowing should help in chasing the blues away right ) I drive my dads truck. Its a big f150, long bed and it fits right in around here. I drive his truck when I look for a road of escape. Sarah drives Rich's truck but some how I think I may relate to this song a little more. Or not. Thinking and reading and just hoping for direction.

Hope this picture helps displace the ugly in the world that we find ourselves in yet again. Karen and Carol, hope all is well in your part of the northeast .http://youtu.be/yCSMCgqlc-0

[BrendaDup59]

Well I just wanted to stop in and tell you all I just got the news from a specialist we had to take our Boxer Nikki to yesterday she has pancreatitis and her liver enzymes are elevated so we decided to have an ultra sound done on her yesterday and they found a mass on her spleen , well I just heard from the Vet she does have cancer in her spleen and liver and has 1-3 months .. she has been with us since Kaleb was 2 and he will be 11 next month I don't even want to tell him but I know I have to .. she has not eaten since Saturday evening.. I just do not know what to do. I have been so down I have not been able to hardly read or post a lot of pain in my neck and arm . I am beginning to think I am never going to be happy again just seems like life keeps knocking me down. sorry .. Love you all

[ericasmom]

Susan said: but I am thinking there just isn't a 'test' out there for a broken heart. I will take it one day at a time.

Oh Susan, I sure wish we knew how to heal our broken hearts, our loved ones hearts. I know as I watched my Son and my Former husband with the grief we all shared. We are fairly helpless to help them with the ways they deal with the ache, we only can watch and be supportive and make suggestions, we cannot sew up the torn pieces. I am praying for your Daniel.

Betsy, the covered bridge is so lovely. I am glad that you saw such a pretty place on your travels looking for roads that could help you escape. I suppose what we find is that while escape is not going to work, so discovering beauty can take our sharp edges and round them, soften them, remind us of the good in the world, remind us that there is more good than bad. Sometimes, especially after a sad day like yesterday, it is hard to remember this.

Sherry, I am terrible at it too, so I don't post photos as much as I used to. Love the thought of the bluebird nesting. The deer walked the three blocks out of the forest preserve and chomped our tulips and day lillies all the way down. darnit.

Brenda, you just keep getting socked in the stomach. I am sorry about the pup. Kaleb will be sad of course, but you will have to tell him and not take the guilt on for it. As I tell my students, Dogs, cats, people, all living things get sick sometimes, this time it is very serious and the dog is going to die. I wish that your arm adn neck were healing. Does the doctor feel you need physical therapy for it?

Prayers for rest and for renewal. Prayers for peace.

[Mike's dad]

Since my baby boy will be born early to mid June I'll be going to see my son's friend may 5-20th. I just got my plane ticket, I'm excited to see him, I really need to be better about calling him than I have been, I know I can help him.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Left home this morning to go in town, and this beam of light came out of the clouds to the bottom of my windshield right in front of me the whole way in town!! Had to stop to take a picture!! Just another sign to me that my angel is watching over me!! Love you Jared!!

Just noticed there are several small orbs in the trees as well! Since there was no traffic, I tried moving to the center and then the left of the roadway, and the light followed me wherever I moved!!

God is GREAT, and heaven is REAL!!

[Jeff's Mom]

Wow, Becky, that is so beautiful. I bet it gave you an amazing sense of peace. I have seen two orbs since Jeff died. The first time I was in bed watching TV. My husband was away on business, The only one here with me was my faithful dog. I happened to glance and noticed out of the side a huge red ball that hovered by the window. Since looking it up I am now told that it is a sign of anger or restlessness. The second time was not all that long ago. I wakened during the night to see a ball of green light float slowly up to the ceiling. I thought I was perhaps dreaming. I sat up and stared at it. it was definitely a green orb, but with an almost wistful trail behind it. I felt nothing but goodness and peace. The first one gave me the chills. The signs are all around us to take heart that they are still in contact. It is a gift given to help us find peace in our lives again. I am really pleased that this happened to you today.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thanks, Kate! I wonder what the little white orbs mean? We saw a green heart last year in the pics that we took at his birthday gathering!

I had cried myself to sleep last night, as I was physically exhausted from my yardwork, and I tend to be more sensitive to everything when I am tired, and then this happened this morning! I think he's letting me know he is always watching me. It did give me a sense of peace! Before losing Jared, I never gave much thought to such as signs, and consider myself to be not easily influenced, etc., but now I look at everything differently.

[dsmurph]

What a wonderful Blessing!!! I love getting signs !!! I met a man last night that had gone to a parent support group for a couple of years. We shared some of our stories about visits that we get from our children who have passed. He said every parent in his group has received signs!!! It was such a blessing to get that confirmation from him and from you! Sometime I feel so alone in not being able to share my visits. So, thank you for sharing this. This is what helps us to move forward, knowing that they are still here with us.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

What a wonderful Blessing!!! I love getting signs !!! I met a man last night that had gone to a parent support group for a couple of years. We shared some of our stories about visits that we get from our children who have passed. He said every parent in his group has received signs!!! It was such a blessing to get that confirmation from him and from you! Sometime I feel so alone in not being able to share my visits. So, thank you for sharing this. This is what helps us to move forward, knowing that they are still here with us.

Where the heck is the "LIKE" button?? lol

[JD's Mom, Becky]

On April 18th, Representative Tim Dukes, and Senator Robert Venables meet with DelDOT to again make our request to have the speed limit reduced from 50 mph to 35 mph, on the half mile stretch of Providence Church Rd. from it's intersection with Rt. 54 to it's intersection with West Line Rd.

Please join us in prayer that our request will be honored. We have undertaken this project not only to keep our neighbors and their children safe along this roadway, but to honor our son, Jared, who lost his life here on October 3rd, 2011.

This half-mile stretch has 22 homes along it, and no shoulders whatsoever. Maryland Roads, at our request, lowered the section of this same road on their side of the State Line to 40 mph, and their section is all FARMLAND, no homes at all.

Our argument is that at 50 mph, a pedestrian, biker, jogger, neighbor trimming their ditchbank or gathering mail, if hit, is 100% going to die. At 35 mph, that probability is cut to 50% chance of death. A cause worth fighting for. It only takes 37 seconds longer to drive this strip at 35 mph. A bit more than 1/2 a minute that could save a life!!

[Walkbyfaith7]

Hello everyone, I'm new here, I have been posting but I guess I have been in the wrong area. I recently lost my baby girl, she was only 6days old. I had her at 6 months, and I am full of emotions. Everyone around me is pregnant or they just had their babies and I feel horrible. now that I'm not at my best, people who suppose to be there for me want to kick me when I'm down. I no longer have a relationship with my brother and his wife, they want all the attention on their baby, they didn't call or come by. They just wanted the things I had for my baby.

[Jeff's Mom]

I am so glad that you decided to come to this site. You are most welcome. I am really sorry that you have lost your precious little girl. No matter the age of our child it hurts like heck. It can be a double whammy if you are not getting the support from family and friends that you really need at this time. I am really sorry that you are also having to deal with this at this moment. Are you taking good care of yourself? Are there any groups that you can join to discuss how you are feeling? it always helps to be able to talk openly about your loss. I know that you are not alone in this and others have posted on this site having lost babies. Please continue to post. We are here for you. Kate

[Walkbyfaith7]

Thank you so much Kate, I haven't really looked at any groups, I also have my husband but he has a hard time talking about it. He took it really hard especially since she is his first daughter. He is really heartbroken, but we try to encourage each other and know that God is going to bless us again.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you so much Kate, I haven't really looked at any groups, I also have my husband but he has a hard time talking about it. He took it really hard especially since she is his first daughter. He is really heartbroken, but we try to encourage each other and know that God is going to bless us again.

I am so glad that you have each other to lean on. It is going to take time to come to terms with all of this. Make sure you both take good care of yourselves. And just let your heart heal in whatever time frame it takes. I am sure she was a little sweetheart. Have you named her yet?

[Walkbyfaith7]

Yes, our beautiful Carle'

[Jeff's Mom]

What a beautiful name. I can almost picture her. Stay strong both of you. I know this a hard road to walk. You will help each other through it. Take care. Sending love and (HUGS) Kate

[ericasmom]

Becky, I love the sign that Jared gave you today, and that you felt peaceful by it is extra great. The orbs might be all the angels hanging out with him, watching. Or just the heavenly energy all around Him. Yep, I have been a believer in signs all my life, and when Eri died, she proved that signs are communication from our Angels.

I so hope and pray that huge consideration will be given to the lowering of the speed limit Becky.

Walkinfaith, I am so sorry for your loss, your Sweet Little Girl. Hang on to us here and to your Husband, we do get the pain in your hearts, the broken pieces floating all around. It may be good for the two of you to either read some informational books about grief together or see a therapist a few times or join a group...men and women do generally grieve very differently and so much goes unsaid between a couple, one not wanting to upset the other.

I will pray that you both find ways to join each other in your grief and in healing.

Kate, such good advice for our Newest Member. How are you today? How is Husband?

[ericasmom]

It is a deluge of rain, it has rained most of the day and at times pouring, and now pouring again. Husband put a small pump in the yard midday, but the yard is under water nevertheless. The basement has some water, hopefully it won't rain this hard for long. Some areas have received 3 inches of rain just today. Not good for the already high water table after last week's rains. We sure needed the rain, just not all at once. Lightning too, thunder, hail. Hoping everyone is safe and sound.

Prayers for a little 2 year old boy, a friend's little guy who is in the hospital tonight and maybe facing surgery.

Sleep tight all

[ericasmom]

And it rained all night and another 3-4 inces expected today and tonight. Our basement can't help but take water...but our garden which is sloped downward and takes the water from all neighbors just by virtue of how our yard is lower and everyone else is higher...well let's say that I will be surprised if when we dry out there are half of what we have sown still viable. We have a big perennial garden, but it looks like we live on a pond, ducks and geese could swim here if they desire.

Well, got to get to work, need waders to get to the garage.