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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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When my ex called I had no idea it was her. She has almost the same number as one of my workers (I'm a contractor and he's more or less my right hand) I was confused when it was her voice. When she was through with her rant I asked her if she'd like to call the boy our son saved, who battles with, depression, PTSD, and the loss of his arm, and tell him that she thought our son was more important... I then said I was not in Iraq, I was home being cheated on, had I been there the guys that made him go out would have went instead.

She just scoffed, said I was unfeeling and hung up.

My response to my daughter after she quit screaming was that I was happy and I felt that I deserved another son. Because Mike was such a nice kid, no one could ever fill his place, but I could feel better about it...

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JD's Mom, Becky

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That's why this list is so important to all of us, because there are so many that just simply can't understand.

I still read everyday, but I just haven't felt up to posting as of late. My baby's birthday is approaching, and between that and the ongoing struggle for justice and truth, I am struggling. The recent information that we received will prove helpful in that endeavor, but it was so hard to read and see, and hear... it has just made me incredibly sad.. then incredibly angry, then back to sad...

Dee, I am so happy for the new little life in your life! What a blessing! can't wait to see her pics!

I am headed outside, supposed to be 84 here today, and I have been busy trying to get my yard in shape. Bittersweet memories abound, as Jared was a big help to me in that department. I can see him happily dead heading the lilies without being asked to do so, as for some reason, it was something about it he enjoyed. I smile remembering, seeing his 6 foot tall frame in my minds eye, with my bucket in hand, filling it with all the colors of the flowers.... like colors of the rainbow.

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Mermaid Tears

Kathi B....you have such a 'heavy load' on your heart...and if you come back to this site...and share with all of us...and in each posting...you will find a word or words that will connect some of your dots...not all...and we will never have an answer for you...for we don't have an answer for ourselves....but when we come together...and just tell it like it is...there is comfort.

Now about Addiction....I am going to put this as simple as I can...there are drugs out there in society that are so powerful...if taken only one time can alter the brain's chemistry...FOREVER....there is no going back...there is nothing in the medicine chest that can fix it...there is nothing ANY Dr. can do....or even Rehab....the drugs are simply that lethal.....the only ONE that can heal....did come....He saw her suffering...and took her in His Arms...and took her home and made her whole and happy again. And that is that simple. If people really wanted to see America ruined...they don't have to fly big airplanes into tall buildings...simply infuse America with drugs. Drugs are everywhere...on every street corner...in big cities...in small towns....my ex husband was in the DEA....and he told me years ago....that there was so much big money in it all...it would never be done away with. You will not find many families that have not been touched by drugs ...directly or indirectly...then you have the ones that did not 'take' drugs but drink from the cup of 'guilt and regret'....which is another effect from drugs. Only you can get off the merry-go-round of the cycle. Many parents think the 'if only' thoughts....but really...you or the huge research centers don't have any cures. I hope this will take a layer of guilt off of you....it will not take the grief or tears away...but grief and tears are the only thing that can help you heal at this time.

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Mermaid Tears

Becky...our Warrior Mom....we are 'hanging out with you' while you are hanging on....and we will hold your hand while you walk through the memories...I love that scene from 'Forrest Gump' when he says.."somedays there just aren't enough rocks"......somedays for me....sad is the best I can do.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

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That's why this list is so important to all of us, because there are so many that just simply can't understand.

I still read everyday, but I just haven't felt up to posting as of late. My baby's birthday is approaching, and between that and the ongoing struggle for justice and truth, I am struggling. The recent information that we received will prove helpful in that endeavor, but it was so hard to read and see, and hear... it has just made me incredibly sad.. then incredibly angry, then back to sad...

Dee, I am so happy for the new little life in your life! What a blessing! can't wait to see her pics!

I am headed outside, supposed to be 84 here today, and I have been busy trying to get my yard in shape. Bittersweet memories abound, as Jared was a big help to me in that department. I can see him happily dead heading the lilies without being asked to do so, as for some reason, it was something about it he enjoyed. I smile remembering, seeing his 6 foot tall frame in my minds eye, with my bucket in hand, filling it with all the colors of the flowers.... like colors of the rainbow.

I think when your child has been killed as a crime as a result of someone else's actions, it is so different. I had very well meaning people, even friends, who cannot understand why justice must be done. They immediately start on the forgiveness aspect, feeling sorry for the "poor" person who ran over my son. WHAT is that??? I can't even talk about that. All I see when my eyes are closed is my son laying in that ditch dying because some dumb idiot girl could not figure out to check an oncoming lane before crossing it. Today is an anniversary day. I think no one should even start telling me or any parent who lost their child due to a crime about forgiveness, IT IS NOT THEIR PLACE, and they definitely need to say nothing.

That ground has to be between me and my God alone. Besides, like I told someone, it is not your child buried up there in that cemetary, it is mine. Justice still has to be done. I still do not have my reports on Jesse's death. I think I will lose it if the stupid law enforcement tries to pin blame on him.

The other girl was out there without insurance twice over, She just got nailed for tailgating. The cops did not do a blood test on her. She is not a very responsible person. The cop just went to the first person who did not actually see the accident that arrived right afterwards and wrote in the report that my son was speeding. And the department had the nerve to release false information to the public! All they had was worthless speculation from people, no science based on the reconstruction. Jesse would not have been that foolish.

If I could sue that sheriff's dept for incompetence and stupidity, I would. I certainly will be following up with the next election cycle for sheriff in that area. What incompetent "boob" doesn't do a drug screen on someone who ran over someone and killed them? There were no other factors from that day, no weather, no sun in the eyes, just this idiot driver that crossed the center line on a straightaway pulling into a clear parking lot and just ran over my son.

My faith in the justice system is totally gone. Too many cops who don't know their jobs and who don't care because it isn't them or their family.

Not to mention, that since the girl was of course uninsured, Jesse carried insurance which was small. But those people thinking they know what should be done aren't going through the torment and pain and certainly are not paying my bills from this. I can't even work right now with all the rollercoaster moods.

Angel Boy of Mine, I pray that you will have some form of justice for your son, I pray this constantly for my son's honor.

I will be thinking of you for the upcoming birthday of your son. Maybe just plan on totally resting that day. I don't know, this is so hard...

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I think when your child has been killed as a crime as a result of someone else's actions, it is so different. I had very well meaning people, even friends, who cannot understand why justice must be done. They immediately start on the forgiveness aspect, feeling sorry for the "poor" person who ran over my son. WHAT is that??? I can't even talk about that. All I see when my eyes are closed is my son laying in that ditch dying because some dumb idiot girl could not figure out to check an oncoming lane before crossing it. Today is an anniversary day. I think no one should even start telling me or any parent who lost their child due to a crime about forgiveness, IT IS NOT THEIR PLACE, and they definitely need to say nothing.

That ground has to be between me and my God alone. Besides, like I told someone, it is not your child buried up there in that cemetary, it is mine. Justice still has to be done.

Hello Laurie,

First, I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. I wish no other parent would ever have to feel this terrible pain again but unfortunately every time I log on to this site, I see another new parent and it breaks my heart a little every time I see one. I had to comment on this because I know what you are saying. My 5 year old daughter, Charlotte, was swimming in a pool with a lifejacket. My husband stepped away to care for my son who was 4 months old at the time. Charlotte got out of the pool and asked a woman there, another mother, to remove her lifejacket. The woman removed it and Char ended up in the pool. It was realized quickly that she was missing and of course my husband ran and checked the pool right away but didn't see her. They proceeded to check around the property and finally someone dove under the water to pull her out. There was a chemical imbalance in the pool which made it look like it was just blue water but the visibility to the bottom was only 6 feet and she was in 9 feet of water.

So in my case, I've got my husband's friend who didn't maintain his pool properly and this stupid woman who removed a child's lifejacket next to a pool and didn't bother to watch her for the 2 minutes her dad was gone. We sued both the homeowner and the woman. For me, it wasn't about any money. It was about someone saying that it was thier fault and taking responsibility for it. There were 4 days between the accident and her funeral and I heard nothing from these two people during that time. At the funeral they came up and said, "I'm sorry for your loss" What? That's what everyone else was saying, not the people that caused her to die!!!

It's been almost 2 years now and the pain of this has changed over time. I realize that for me, I will someday need to forgive them not for them but for me. I believe the anger for them will ultimately only hurt me and I need to be a full mom to my 2 surviving children. I'm just now getting to the point where I'm asking God for help in forgiving them. I believe that is a big step for me. I don't know how long it will take. I'm sure the situation is different for you becuse we know these people and of course they didn't mean to kill my daughter but thier negligent actions lead to her death.

I don't think my words will help you but I just wanted you to know that I hear you. Sorry for the novel!

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Kate....so happy to hear that hubby is improving...and know it can only put a layer of peace to your heart....I took food to one of my dearest friends....(we have been friends for 33 years...for our daughter's have been best friends since 8th grade)...her husband had bone cancer 8 years ago and had the complete Stem Cell treatment at M.D. Anderson..(we are only 1 hour away)....he was cured...cancer free all these years...now it has come back...I do believe when it comes back it seems to come back with a wollop...so he has had some treatments and now they are waiting to hear the results on Friday....if or if not they are working....I gave blood at a blood drive they had for him last Saturday...and my friend looked good but so tired...she called last night and we talked...and I told her about 'self care'....for she is being the caretaker...I hope you are 'giving yourself' some 'self care'....and giving yourself some little 'self gifts'...

Thanks for your kind words. We both appreciate it! Yes, I am all too familiar with the devastation that cancer can bring into a family. I have personally attended to several family member that all fell to this disease. I know that it can take us off guard and when we just think we have it under control it can come back with a vengeance. I have personally had two close friends that were diagnosed with breast cancer. One has now been cancer free for many years. The other was a more aggressive form and she died January 18th. less then two years of her diagnosis. I do know this much...that when it is our time to go nothing can prevent it. Until that time I plan to try very hard t make the most of each and every day. As to the addiction concern that you mentioned....well, I have had my say on this forum in the past regarding this subject. It personally makes me sick to see how kids can fall prey to those who are so full of greed that they will stop at nothing to gain material wealth. My son worked with street people. He witnessed on a daily basis how lives were ruined by addiction. He was deeply troubled and often angry at the dealers. The laws need to be made more strict. They need to be made examples of. Catch them and put them into prison for a very long time. No parole. Hard labor. That is my own personal opinion. Carol, those men of yours could not be any more obvious if they wanted too! I love the street sign. Just perfect. Well, today is another sunny day and I have much t do. Must get moving. Have a peaceful day everyone. kate
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Mermaid Tears

Jesse David's Mom....(love that name)....the burden of grief is hard enough for parent's to carry....and then...we still carry the 'care' of our children even after they have passed....because that has been what it has always been....and it is as natural as breathing in and breathing out. When they were little and got hurt...we bandaged up the boo-boo with band-aids and a kiss....if someone pushed them down...we defended our little one....and it is still the same...we will still try to 'right the wrong' and make it all 'better'. With some grieving parents we are faced with the mourning...with you and Becky...(and sure many others) there is that 'burning anger' that joins the grief that makes the journey into night that much harder to travel. I am not in your shoes...but I can empathize on how painful it must be to have a 'someone' who is responsible for your child's passing....walking off into the blue and never having to pay the price of taking a life. We will be here to hear you...cheer you on...and pray that you and other parent's will one day find a 'final justice' that will bring you peace and a handle to carry forward. Loved the poem you posted.

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Mermaid Tears

Lora....going to viewings and funerals is so hard...but you know how much it means to have friends come to support and hold you up....

How is the selection going for the Memorial ? It is just so damn hard..so take your time...and let us hear.

I can't think of anyone that needs a vacation more than you...phew...two jobs and dealing with the grief...I was so happy when you posted that you would think I was going. We have to find ways to 'walk normal' in this valley...coming 'up for air' is what I call it....and seeing something new....and finding a place to relax....no better place than the ocean and the waves to weave it's magic of sweet calm.

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halcottgirl368

Mermaid Tears, Thank you so much. Your words meant so much, it was like you were inside my head. Today I dragged myself out to the store, not only is it hard for me to go about daily things, I also have full body chronic pain from a fall on the ice 20 years ago, anyway, I was by the candles, I have lite a candle every day since 2/2, and I saw a Glade one called Angel Whispers, there was only 2 and I bought them both, maybe it was a sign, I don't know but it has such a sweet smell, it is very relaxing, and then reading your post was like frosting on the cake. Again, thank you and thank everyone for their kind words, it means so much, more than I can say.

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Kate----Glad to hear that your dear husband is doing better. Peace & prayers.

Dee----Big...bad thunderstorm came through awhile ago. No damage here, and

no tornado warnings....thank heavens. How's the new baby doing?.....also

hows the little dear's parents & gramma doing? :) Fine I hope. I guess that

we got the storm that moved through your area. 70 degrees today...then it

started clouding up. Yikes.

Sandy----So very sorry that your heart is so heavy with problems with your

daughter. I do hope that things may somehow improve. Hard to bear

these family problems when you already have such a heavy heart. Peace to you.

Not much to say today, really......so I'll just go and do some reading, I guess.

WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thanks Char's Mom and Mermaid Tears for your kind words of support.

To Angel Boy of Mine (Jared), I just pray you would get the answers you need for your son. I think of you alot since we trod similar paths.

Today, Jesse has been gone 6 months. So it has been hard as you all know.

I am happy that so many enjoyed the poem...

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I am hoping that this works: if it does, I will post more later.

Love to all.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Beautiful baby, Dee!! I know you must be so very proud and happy. :wub:

Asking your prayers tonight, as a friend of mine has a 33 year old daughter who lives in Mexico, that just gave birth about a week ago to a baby girl, her fourth child, baby is fine, but Mom developed a blot clot that went straight to her heart, caused heart failure and is now on life support. Doesn't look good.

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Dee, she is just a doll. Look forward to seeing more pictures.

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Becky, prayers and hope are sent. May God protect and hold her, and if possible, may she be delivered back to her family healed and able to continue her life with her four Children.

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Thanks for your sweet words about our little Dearheart. More photos coming.

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My little Pinky Sweetheart,

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Angela, Chars Mom,

My son, Brian was also killed at the hands of another...his 17 year old friend...who was driving. For us, the State of Wisconsin charged the driver with felony homicide by negligent use of a motor vehicle.

It took me 4 years to let go of the anger I had for the driver. Neither the driver or his parents ever said anything to us other than at the funeral " sorry for your loss" and the courtroom.

For me, I did not so much as forgive him as I did hand over his judgement to The Lord.

Thinking of you, Angela

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

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Mermaid Tears

I do see a Precious and Pretty Cutie Patootie there Dee....just look at those cheeks....a Future Miss America for sure....voted by the majority of the love circle ....Thank You God for world so sweet...the Gifts you give us....I do believe that Angel slipped off a cloud and landed right in our hearts and arms. We will pray for her..care for her...and wrap her in our devotion and will say prayers of gratitude for Your Mercy, Grace, Healing and Love. And I may add...we will also give giggles and tickles..puppies and kittens...bubble baths and dolls...warm blankets and fairy tale books.

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BrendaDup59

Dee , what an Angel and a blessing , she is a doll . looking forward to more pics I will try and write more tomorrow just has been a really hard time .

Becky so sorry to read the news I will say a prayer for her

I am thing of you all Brenda

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Becky, said a prayer for your friend's daughter. I will continue to uplift her before the Lord.

Jesse David's Mom, Laurie

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Beautiful, sweet baby Dee. Little girls are so much fun.

Brenda, I know we are about the same length of time without our beloved children. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sandy

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Mermaid Tears

here it is so late...imagine that for me....but my husband was admitted into the hospital...today....he had symptoms of having a viral infection..too long to go into...but....the Dr. took a EKG...(he had a series of tests about the time John David passed)....so today many more tests....will have something to report tomorrow...but...was thinking of him....not long ago I posted about his 'anger' of John David passing...tonight...more portals opened....I remember years ago a friend of my Dad's telling me to be careful..(after I divorced his Dad) for there would be many men that would want to marry me to have a boy like John David....he is the kind of boy that men would like to have credit for....and for sure....after the divorce...my 'ex' did not want Randa or Jesse....he only wanted...John David. I could tell many stories of the 'battle' I had to fight for him...but there in the hospital is the man that I married and loved that boy....I am going to have to tell the Dr.'s that are treating him about him losing John David...for it is all intertwined...I lost him, too....but I can deal with it on a plane I can understand to get along....I don't think Daniel can deal with it all...for he is putting it all somewhere where it is simply anger....and the telling tale is....of today...after tests....the Dr. doesn't have any answer....so...I am going to have to find out how....to ...come up with something...to tell Daniel...the how and why 'that boy' passed and help him deal with it.....just the other day he was looking at these photos of the 'sports car' he bought John David when he was in High School...so...for sure....'the heart is meshed with the mind and spirit'...thanks to all of you here....for without this site...I would not be able to deal with all of this without the knowledge each of you have given me to have some wisdom....and know a glimmer about what is really going on with Daniel....he is simply grieving in another way...but his goes so deep...post-306805-0-88218300-1365739207_thumb.

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Dee - she is just beautiful! Those round cheeks are fun to munch on!

Becky - prayers go out to your friend and her baby.

Mermaid Tears - so sorry to hear about your husband. I hope he will be okay.

Gotta run off to work. Hope everyone has a blessed day.

Love, Shelly

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Mermaid Tears...thinking of you and your husband today. Good luck with the tests. Becky, so sorry about your friend and her baby. Hope all goes well. Dee, that sweet little bundle of joy is going to give you years of happiness. They grow up so quickly...enjoy her. Kate

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

The heart is meshed with the mind and spirit, this is so true. Your husband sounds like mine, just broken hearted. We all are here, just wondering why. Prayers to you...

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Susan, I am praying for your Dear Husband, that man that so loves that Boy John David. May the doctors figure out what the trouble is and may there be a fix. One of the hardest things on our spirits is this terrible loss, but our bodies are connected to our emotions or lack there of, and our bodies take a beating from grief. I do think that the more we hold in, the harder it is for our immune systems, all of our systems. Prayers and deep hope.

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Lora----Sorry that you are having 'blue' times. As you say.....there are

so many ups & downs on this journey, and sometimes we wonder if

we will be able to survive. May Cara smile down on you & your family

and bring the sunshine with her lovely smile to warm your hearts.

Dee------Oh----just the cutest little baby girl.....Erica. Thanks for posting

the pics. She's a little beauty!

Laurie----Yes,,,I agree.....the 6 mo. mark is a particularly painful point

in this long journey. One feels, so acutely, the awful loneliness, the

longing for the dear child, and missing them so much. The protective

shock has worn off a bit, and reality stares us in the face. Sending

prayers your way, friend.

Kate-----

What's going on with your weather up there? Looks a bit more

like spring here, but still cold at night. :mellow:

Becky----Also...sending prayers for the dear young mother in Mexico

who is in such serious condition. Hoping that she can somehow

recover to health. Prayers for the entire family.

Colleen----I, so, understand the anger you had for the driver, and you

are right----it does take some time to reach a point where the anger

finally dissapates. Just as the family of that young driver did not say

a word to your family (except in the court....where it is prompted by

the lawyers)......the truck driver who killed my son, Dave, never spoke

a word to us .....to this day. In court.....he said he was sorry for all the

pain he caused HIS family. That was it. After these many years, there

is just an empty, blank feeling when I think of that guy. But, I must admit

that at times, I still have some small 'flare-ups' of anger towards him. He

has his son, after all. I'm sure you know what I mean. Peace to you, friend.

Susan----Thoughts & prayers for your husband's recovery and health.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

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Susan, I agree about this little beauty we have in our lives now, she is kissed by angels and delivered with starlight and sunbeams. Beauty, pure beauty. I welcome the circle of friends here sending thoughts of love and goodness.

Shelly, Brenda, Sherry, Kate,Lora, Becky, All, thanks for your sweet words about Erica Baby. Such joy!

Sherry, how are you? Cold day here today, but warming up some tomorrow and then more on Sunday. Lot's of rain, which of course we need just not all at once. It is so human for us to still have anger even this many years out when our Child is gone. My anger, when it flares, is toward the RailRoad, toward Amtrak and their really heartless take on Eri's death.

Laurie, at the risk of repeating myself, I always say this to new members: When we ask Why we are asking something that there are no finite answers to. What I feel I redirected my energy to ask is HOW? How do we walk and talk and breathe and love again? How do we keep our Child's memory alive? How do we keep our belief system intact, and do we? How do we deal with those we care about but don't seem to 'get' us anymore? How do we go back to work and our lives if we don't feel any passion for those things anymore?

It is human nature to ask why, but there is nothing there beyond "perhaps it was his time."

Now ask yourself How? Here we can find many answers and know that in each attempt to find our answers we are moving forward in the light of our Child.

Everything we have done in our lives up until we were faced with this crushing pain of loss has been a process. This will be the ultimate process. Some folks hold us to some standard that says we should be through this mourning and grief by now. No, we shouldn't, and why should we? Do we ever forget the birth, the first year of our baby, the second, the third? Do we forget the first days of school, the first tooth lost, do we forget graduations, dates, proms? No! so why on earth or heaven would we be done grieving.

Grief is a long process, and like each process we have traveled, we are changed by it. Be kind to yourself as you change from this loss, understand that we have all morphed as well. At first it is so very uncomfortable, none of us wanted to change like this, but after some time, a long bit of time, you will find your new directions and you will carry the light of your Son in each of them.

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Thanks to all for your kind thoughts and wishes. Kate

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Thank you Lora. You are a sweetheart. I guess yesterday came out of the blue. We were not expecting this news. They led us to believe that they got it at the beginning. In my heart I knew something still was not right. He has lost a further ten pounds since coming home from the hospital. Well, we have to face this head on. No point in burying our heads in the sand. He is a fighter and a head strong man. In this case it could work for him. I have to stay positive and keep faith. I'll do my part from where I am to help him and I know that Jeff will do his on his side. Between the two of us he should be ok. It is a beautiful day here today. Sherry, our spring is so late in arriving. However it has made for a less worrisome situation regarding the flood situation. The snow is melting quite slowly which is a good thing. You should see my starter trays. Jack And The Beanstalk would be envious! Can't wait to get these babies into the ground. Thinking of everyone today. Hope you have a decent and peaceful weekend. Love, Kate :)

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Kate, did I miss something? I looked back to see if you mentioned something more with your Husband's illness. I so hope he will begin to strengthen.

Good morning All, cold start to the day, looking like it is not going to warm up any till tomorrow afternoon. Oh well, April is like this in the midwest. Forsythia is nearing blooms, daffs are up and showing, tulips barely had a chance since the deer chomped them right down to the ground. The magnolia is slowed by the cold which is nice really, hoping for a full bloom in weather that won't turn against it too fast.

Our fourth grade garden club planted the seeds that each grade level wanted to see in our new garden boxes and in a week's time, the seedlings all are up and growing. Amazing. So we will put these in the ground in a few weeks. The kindergarden group wanted to plant tiny pumpkins, so that is what we planted. So much fun. WE have 6 boxes in which to grow our veggies, one for each grade level.

Exciting change to our school.

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JD's Mom, Becky

547749_3000778395892_2009107168_n.jpg

Please pray with me for God's intervention in the life of, and guidance in the care of Danielle

Smith Delfin-Lara, young mother of four, with youngest baby only 2 weeks old. Danielle is hospitalized, and much in need of our prayers. Please share this urgent request!

(The family doesn't want to put her exact status out there, as her children don't know at this point that she is critical, so don't include this line. She had a blood clot which went to her heart and caused a heart attack, and is unresponsive and on life support. Much damage done to her heart.)

Her mother is headed to Mexico on Monday, and will be staying for two weeks to try to help the family cope and to see her daughter.

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Please pray with me for God's intervention in the life of, and guidance in the care of Danielle

Smith Delfin-Lara, young mother of four, with youngest baby only 2 weeks old. Danielle is hospitalized, and much in need of our prayers. Please share this urgent request!

(The family doesn't want to put her exact status out there, as her children don't know at this point that she is critical, so don't include this line. She had a blood clot which went to her heart and caused a heart attack, and is unresponsive and on life support. Much damage done to her heart.)

Her mother is headed to Mexico on Monday, and will be staying for two weeks to try to help the family cope and to see her daughter.

Oh Becky, so much heartache. My prayers are with Danielle and her young family.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Susan, I agree about this little beauty we have in our lives now, she is kissed by angels and delivered with starlight and sunbeams. Beauty, pure beauty. I welcome the circle of friends here sending thoughts of love and goodness.

Shelly, Brenda, Sherry, Kate,Lora, Becky, All, thanks for your sweet words about Erica Baby. Such joy!

Sherry, how are you? Cold day here today, but warming up some tomorrow and then more on Sunday. Lot's of rain, which of course we need just not all at once. It is so human for us to still have anger even this many years out when our Child is gone. My anger, when it flares, is toward the RailRoad, toward Amtrak and their really heartless take on Eri's death.

Laurie, at the risk of repeating myself, I always say this to new members: When we ask Why we are asking something that there are no finite answers to. What I feel I redirected my energy to ask is HOW? How do we walk and talk and breathe and love again? How do we keep our Child's memory alive? How do we keep our belief system intact, and do we? How do we deal with those we care about but don't seem to 'get' us anymore? How do we go back to work and our lives if we don't feel any passion for those things anymore?

It is human nature to ask why, but there is nothing there beyond "perhaps it was his time."

Now ask yourself How? Here we can find many answers and know that in each attempt to find our answers we are moving forward in the light of our Child.

Everything we have done in our lives up until we were faced with this crushing pain of loss has been a process. This will be the ultimate process. Some folks hold us to some standard that says we should be through this mourning and grief by now. No, we shouldn't, and why should we? Do we ever forget the birth, the first year of our baby, the second, the third? Do we forget the first days of school, the first tooth lost, do we forget graduations, dates, proms? No! so why on earth or heaven would we be done grieving.

Grief is a long process, and like each process we have traveled, we are changed by it. Be kind to yourself as you change from this loss, understand that we have all morphed as well. At first it is so very uncomfortable, none of us wanted to change like this, but after some time, a long bit of time, you will find your new directions and you will carry the light of your Son in each of them.

Thank you for your kind words and help to me during this hard time.

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BECKY , prayers for Danielle and her family. so very sorry to hear of this. I so hope and pray she gets her health back and is able to return to her family. I still don't have the ability to "return" so my posts show no paragraphs...just all run together. Weird. DEE: Oh, my, yes, a beautiful bundle of love and joy and sweetness. I know that you all will enjoy her so much. She is blessed to have you as a grandmother, and you all are blessed to have her, for sure. I hope mommy and daddy are doing well, adjusting to this new blessed life in their midst. SUSAN: Prayers for your husband that he may find some peace. Your beautiful John David is there by his side. I agree that when we hold these painful emotions in, they can cause havoc with our physical health. LAURIE: So very sorry for this hard time you are going through...love and prayers to you. I pray justice for son, also. KATHY B: So sorry for your hurting heart. As regards the scented candles you found, I have always believed "if you think it's a sign, it's a sign." That is enough for your own heart, that warm message that comforts you, is what counts the most. So, as a friend said "Take the gift, take the love," don't question it, just hold it close to you and allow it to lend healing. MIKES DAD: I agree, your son is happy for you. Enjoy the new life that is growing, waiting to be greeted by you. As for me, I have had an emotional week, likely due to having had Kim and the girls here, and now with them gone, the silence is louder. I will adjust. Spring is coming, (eventually), and I am looking forward to the warmer days. Had Cathi's youngest with me yesterday, as he had off from school. While the girls were here, we all went out to DQ. Jamie's mother told me later that Jamie had asked her if I thought he was "special." She assured him that I did, and then asked why he was questioning it. He said "when we went to DQ, I asked nana what I could get, and she said I could get anything I wanted. When I asked her why I could get anything I wanted, she told me it was because it was a special occasion with Bekah and Rachel there." (which was kind of weird that he asked that because I usually do tell him to get what he wants.) But, oh, my gosh, I felt so bad. I didn't mean it that way, but I guess that's how he took it. Just goes to show how we sometimes need to watch our words. Cathi explained to him that likely I was saying that because it was "special" that we were all there together," which actually is what it was. She asked Jamie if he wanted her to say something to me, and he said "No, I will handle it. I will find a way to ask her." So, yesterday, while we were out, he did indeed bring it up. I don't remember his exact words (he didn't come right out and ask "am I special"), but because Cathi had already told me about it, I knew what he was talking about. So, I patted his knee and told him that he was very special to me, and that when I am out with him, I am very thankful that he is wanting to spend time with me, one on one. I told him he is a blessing in my life. I told him how his papa and I always felt so blessed that we have five of our grandchildren living so close to us that we can get to know them and be part of their daily lives. With Bekah and Rachel living so far away we don't get to see them as much, and so when they are here, we like to do a little extra cause we don't get to spend time with them one on one much. He relaxed and we had a happy day together. While at lunch at Applebees, he started talking about his papa and Mike and how much he missed them but how they are with us and how glad he was of that. It was a pretty nasty day, weather wise, and he was concerned about the hail and snow that started. I looked out the window at our car, (the red one with the "2MIKES" plate) at the slush/hail that was accumulating on the windshield and said "Maybe we shouldn't go to the movies because when we come out it could be even worse." So, we agreed to just pick up his cousin and go home. As I looked at the car, I saw the one next to it and told Jamie to look. He smiled and said, "oh yes, like I said nana, they are with us all the time."

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I think Spring forgot about us..It is snowing today..

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

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Col, it snowed here today too. Right now the clouds are moving fast and the blue sky is shining through but it is CHILLY. Tomorrow a promise of warmth.

Carol, love the Angels plate next to your car. Love that Jaimie knows and feels the connection to his Pops and Uncle. He is lucky to have the kind of relationship with you that he can ask and discuss what he does with you. Pretty darn wonderful.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

I know someone had mentioned the new Angel scent by Glade. I found it at Family Dollar and bought a candle. I do really like the scent, and the rose pink color goes very nicely in my kitchen. Thanks for sharing.

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Becky - praying hard for Danielle and her loved ones. If I may...Father God, we pray for you to hold Danielle and her family in your loving arms, to heal Danielle's heart that she may return to her children and family members whole and strong. We pray, Lord, that you gift her with the ability to mother those children that need her, as she needs them. We pray this in Jesus' name...Amen. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, I just felt moved to write that down.

Kate - I, like Dee, don't remember a post about your husband's condition. I pray it is not serious and that it's just a hiccup in his recovery.

Carol - I believe I wrote this to you in the past: you are the Queen of Signs. It seems no matter where you are, your men let themselves be known...awesome!

Col - I can't believe it's snowing where you are....crazy! Same for you Dee. This "spring" is nuts!

Lora - hope you are feeling a little better!

Today is our grandaughter Grace's 1st birthday. We were at her party this afternoon and it was precious. I can't believe a year has gone by...my they grow so fast. Jillian got her a mini-cake and let her have at it in her high chair. Icing in her hair, up her nose, and all the way up to her elbows.

I must say my friends that there is room for joy on this grief walk. I wouldn't have believed it 2 1/2 years ago, but it's true. It doesn't take away our sadness completely, but it helps. Love, Shelly

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JD's Mom, Becky

Thank you Shelly, for your prayer for Danielle, and thanks to all that have prayed for her and her family. Thank you Laurie for sharing the request! How thoughtful! :) Danielle is the older sister of one of my Jared's best friends, and they have been so supportive of our family since losing Jared.

The representative that is helping us in our effort to reduce the speed limit on our road, where Jared was killed, wrote tonight on FB that he was in Baltimore, MD, shock trauma unit, visiting a family member and had opportunity to pray with a family that had their 15 year old boy struck by an SUV while walking along the roadway with two other teens. This boy is in critical condition with multiple head injuries, and his family just totally overwhelmed. We know how that feels. I would ask you to pray for this child, Skylar, as well as a second teen with him that was injured but not as critical. The third teen was unharmed, at least physically... the driver, hit and run! They do have a make and model of the SUV, so hopefully they will be able to find the driver.

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I'm alone for the weekend, my phone kept going off while I was watching a movie so I answered it. I was greeted by a thick southern accent, it was the boy my son saved. I was thrown off a little, he calls me on holidays, rarely any other time. He said he'd been watching a movie and the actor looked like me. The same guy was in the movie I was watching too, so we got a kick out of that.

Then he started crying about how sorry he is. He hates facing himself every day and no one likes him. His family never comes to see him and never call, this was a problem when he first came home when my ex and I went to see him. His girlfriend he had when he left is getting married, and he has horrible nightmares.

I tried not to cry as he told me all these things. I couldn't imagine not going to see my son. I wouldn't ever let him go if he was where this boy is now. I tried to tell him it would be ok. He asked if I hated him, and I told him I could never hate him. He asked me if I would go see him and take him fishing. I told him yes, I would as soon as I could.

Then we just talked about simple things. He told me good night, and sweet dreams, I told him sweet dreams too. He once told me Mikey said that sometimes so he started to as well.

I've been crying since... I wonder what my life would be like if that was my boy. Would I still be married? Would I ever have met my girl? How would my son be in this situation? Would all his friends still love him? Would he still be "handsome Mike" the boy everyone wanted to ask to the dance? The most popular senior with the best smile, and most likely to be a movie star? The football captain?

Or would he be different? Someone else?

What a night...

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Mikes Dad

Thanks for sharing your conversation with the boy your son saved. I have also wondered how my life would be if Brian was the driver and now a convicted felon and Mike was the one that died.

Both situations are ugly for me.

Your conversation warms my heart. You seem to have your feelings toward him under control. That says a lot about the kind of person you are. I am wondering why his own parents do not visit him? That is their son?

You have a lot going on in your life and It is wonderful that you share with us.

Thanks

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

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