Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

To all who have "angel days" and birthdays coming up:

My heart goes out to you and I know that the holidays are

a real challenge to deal with,also. I think we all should just

spend the holidays in whatever way we feel most comfortable.

I know other people want us to "move on" and start to enjoy

Christmas and birthdays as we used to do, but this is not

possible. We are different people now. If they have not lost

a child (or children), we are no longer on the same plain

as they are. So, I do hope and pray for everyone here, that

we can all find some tranquility somehow. Take care all. Peace be

with you.

[Mazey2]

Alice, I will remember you in my prayers for Sun. As we all say the days leading up are filled with apprehension and then it is that day. I'll be thinking of you.....

Rhonda, you are really having a horrible time. I have emailed you personally a couple times.....these "friends" telling you what you need are certainly not choosing their "help/words" wisely. A few weeks ago you talked about a meltdown at work and were going to get some counseling...you do need some help with this pain. Don't think we can always do it alone, or rely on friends/companions to help....Maybe that counselor wasn't the right one. When ever we repeatedly want to end this life we need to seek help....it is not uncommon to feel like that following a child's death, but there is help out there, but you need to seek it....for the sake of your other son and those who love you and for yourself. When you talk about ending it, you are wanting someone/thing to help you out of the "pit". We are here for you, but when it is that severe you need some professional support on a regular basis. Please, seek it out. We worry about you, I know you are in MY thoughts every day when I read your posts and the frequency is worrisome. But, I can't "get to you", and I am not trained. If you get set up and have some counseling on a regular basis, maybe that "professionsal" strength can help you....there is affordable help there, or if you are Christian a clergy could maybe help.

Linda

[rhonda68]

Dear friends thinking of all of you. Thanks for your words of encouragement and a special thank you to the person that went and lit a candle and said a prayer for me. I have deleted friends that are not helping me and told my boyfriend if he didn't quit acting like a jerk he knows where the door is...I am sick of people telling me what I should think what I should do etc etc...If you dont know my life then shut up. Yeh its quite easy for someone to tell me to be strong when they have money,their marriage,and never any losses in their family but try it from my end its not that easy. So here it goes what I am doing is helping others that need help, for Christmas I am only concentrating on my son for gifts and his happiness, I am sending out cards to those that have helped me through the past months. And to those people that think friendship is about only having fun-GONE! I have been in support groups I am reading self help books and tapes taking time out on the couch in the dark with just the christmas tree lights on and the candles burning what a sense of peace. For my angel son I am going to his grave next week December 11 to light a candle and remember all the children that have gone too soon I am also going to try and find a nice outside angel to sit by his grave for his christmas present. My mom,dad,grandma,sister,and uncle are comming to my house christmas day for dinner my mom and sister will help me prepare dinner and I will set a candle on the table to remember my dear son Richard. I will also be thinking of all of you!

Forever in My Heart...Richard James Oct.9,1985-Feb.23,2005

[Artina]

Rhonda68,

We will be thinking of you. It sounds like you have set some healthy boundaries- GOOD FOR YOU. I believe that when we set boundaries... we give ourself the support that we need.

Peace to all, Tina

[jajjaaj]

Rhonda68... "YOU GO GIRL!" Sounds like you are putting your foot down and doing what is best for you and your family. That is wonderful news. Just know I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the strength you can muster up to continue on your new path on this horrific journey. I hope the holidays are all that you wish.

April's Mom,

Cyndi

[daveydow1]

Rhonda68,

I am so glad that you have some plans for the Christmas

holidays. As you said---there are times in the lives of

all of us that feels we would be better off if we weren't

around anymore to suffer and be in pain. I think anyone that

has lost a dear child(ren) has these feelings when the pain

is overwhelming. I know that I have. But, as others have

said, we must go on for our living children and ourselves.

I think others here have said it better than I can (I'm not

always good at expressing what I feel, and I know sometimes

my posts are rather insignificant). But I have you in my

thoughts & prayers, Rhonda. Take care, and peace be with you.

[mattsdad]

It was 4 months tonight that my wife and I (maskott) went on a vacation to find a new life in South Carolina...We were on a trip to find new horizons for our family. Our hopes were to find some property to retire to. We left our 18 year old daughter in charge of the house. She truly was and is the brains of the household...Matthew had a history of making mistakes. But we thought we could trust him for 5 days.

Unfortunately, Matthew overdosed on muscle relaxents while we were gone and Kristin found Matthew dead on the couch August 7th of this year. His bi-polar was much more serious than we had had ever thought. During a panic attack he od'd on some pills we knew nothing about.

To make a long story short, our lives will never be the same.

As month number 4 starts at midnight, please keep us in your prayers.

Today has been VERY hard and we can only hope that tomorrow will be better.

Thanking you for your prayers.

Jeff(mattsdad)....

[mom2angels]

{{{Rhonda68}}} I'm so glad to see you checking in with us, and that, as Tina said, you have set boundaries for the people in your life. Your plans for Christmas sound very positive. Including Richard in all of the activities is a wonderful idea. It helps us a great deal to cope with Michael's absence by getting him gifts and incorporating him into our gatherings in every way we can. I'm also glad to read that you have found some peace in the quiet surroundings looking at your tree. You are helping yourself in many ways, and that is all very good. I've been lighting candles and praying for you for the past few days. I'm happy that this brought you some comfort. Keep following the path you are on, as I am sure you will find healing there.

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[mom2angels]

{{{Daveydow1}}} Nothing that comes from your heart is ever insignificant. You are here, sharing, supporting, and caring, and that is a very meaningful contribution.

Love & Light,

Rose

[mom2angels]

{{{Jeff & Betty Ann}}}

I will light a candle for Matthew, you and your daughter, and pray that God grant you comfort and peace. I will also pray that Matthew lets you know that he is very close to you now. Although apart from you physically, Matthew is always with you. Spiritually, you will always be together.

Blessings to you~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[kathy714]

Dear Rhonda,glad to hear that you seem to be doing a little better,and i glad to hear of your plans for christmas,they all sound like good ideas.I found the smallest little tree,and tiny lights that work on a battery pack,so christmas eve i plan to wrap it in a scarf and have the lights shinning all night at his site,I still don't have a headstone,but we made a cross and everyone has signed it,it is nice ,his site has developed his personality,we hope to have his stone in by memorial day.Rhonda you will be in my thoughts and prayers,T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[kathy714]

Dear Mattsdad and Maskott,you are in my thoughts and prayers....T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[kathy714]

To all,I can't stop thinking of my son Nathan and what might of happened to him,i work in a ERand the other night a girl came in ,her friends said they thought someone had slipped her something [they had been at a club],we ended up putting her on a vent,and sending her to I.C.U.,We did a drug screen and nothing showed up.The DR. said that the date rape drug doesn't show up.Ireally think someone slipped my son something because it was his birthday,and got scared when they couldn't wake him ,so dumped his body in the bank parking lot,also it is 20 degrees here and evey time i go out into the cold,i think of my poor son freezing in that 10 degree temp.I think alot of this anxiety is because of the holidays,then his angel date at the end of Jan. My poor Nathan ,how i miss so.....T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[maskott]

I came on here to post and noticed that Mattsdad posted last night. Today is 4 months since Matthew died. I started crying the minute I got into the car to come to work. Half the way to work I cried (it's an hour trip), finally I decided to talk to Jesus (my faith has increased since Matthew died). I told him my feelings and questions. I said I just needed to know that Matthew was alright and needed to have some kind of contact with him every few days, if possible. As I rounded a bend in the road, I saw a beautiful sky and the cloud formation in front of me resembled the indigo sign. (I know others have seen this and I questioned it-clouds resembling the sign?-yeh right) But I believe it now. The top cloud was in a circle; the middle cloud spread from left to right (it didn't sweep up at the ends though); the bottom cloud was like a triangle. All of of sudden I felt calm. I continued to talk to him until I got to work. I turned on my computer to come onto this sight and my computer had an error message; went to another computer-no go; finally the 3rd (and final one) is in a room away from everyone-I got on. When I saw my husbands post last night I just started crying and now can't stop. 4 months and it hurts like hell. Thanks for listening.

Everyone...thanks for the thoughts and prayers...It helps knowing others understand your pain and heartbreak.

BettyAnn

[mattsdad]

To Kathy and Roslyn,

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts for today.

Yesterday was truly harder than today because the 6th was the date that he spiralled down. He was found on the 7th, but for all intents and purposes he was gone on the night of the 6th.

Thanks again,

Jeff

[Mazey2]

Rhonda, good to hear from you....your plan sounds so good. Glad you are feeling a little better. I know when you have emailed me before you have been able to try and survive with this pain...I'm relieved again. It is so hard to keep our heads above water....sometimes we just don't want to fight it.

Maskott and Matt's Dad, you are in our thoughts and prayers today. Peace and strength be with you. My Son died while I was away and his sister was with him too....Faith does help some of us, I'm glad I have it too...and the signs are a blessing to us. I've never seen the Indigo signs but my daughter and I see a number all the time that was our family "number". Love to see it as a hi from Chad.

Kathy, I admire you for working in the ER...I know there has to be reminders often, and painful moments.

Daveydow, you always are touching with your posts, never feel insignificant- there are days when we post we all feel like we are not saying anything of value. But, sometimes it just helps to share and read, all of our feelings are significant. Sharing, Linda

[alice24]

Everyone, I understand the feelings. I have no desire to celebrate Christmas but the suggestion of the small Christmas tree sounds like the thing to do. I will look for one that will light up with batteries to bring to Hiram John. Also does anyone know where to find a windless candle that can burn outside? I read in a newsletter that a Mom who placed this type of candle by her son.

I have not seen the cloud symbol as of yet, but looking forward to it. I do see white birds flying and know it is my son telling me hi. Also when I am talking about him (as I always do) or when I am very lonely, a penny appears. I was really excited when I found one with the year 1980 - his birth year. I know he is always with me, but sure would love a hug and kiss.

Love to all.

[donosmom]

I don't know of any candles, but we bought a solar cross, below is the web link.

http://www.solarlightcross.com/ They have angels now.

Matthews Mama Mary

11-3-79 - 7-13-03

[alice24]

Thanks Mary. I am going to look into the angels.

[daveydow1]

Kathy714,

I am so sorry for your pain and the agonizing place you

are at on your grief journey--and all the unanswered questions

about your dear son's passing. I will keep you in my prayers,

and hope that you can find peace somehow.

[daveydow1]

Jeff and Betty Ann,

At this stage---(4 mo)--it is an especially painful time as

you know and are going through. I don't know what to

say except that I pray that you find peace and tranquility

in the days to come.

[daveydow1]

Mom2angels and Mazy2,

Thank you for your kind & helpful words of encouragement.

It's just that I have found so much kindness and help

here at BI, that I only want to help, in some small way,

others who are in pain and come to this site. I know we

all feel the pain of each other's grief, and only wish

to help. This site has helped me so much, and I thank all

those who are here at BI for their compassion and support.

[kathy714]

Dear Alice24,i agree with you about celebrating Christmas,i also wasn't planning to do anything for Christmas,but my older son kept pushing me ,so one day i was with my friend and saw this real pretty wrapping paper that was blue and sliver,and that gave me the idea to do my tree all in blue, sliver and clear glass.The blue is because i feel blue and the sliver and clear colored ,is for my tears.When i told my husband my idea ,i thought he would n't like it ,but instead he thought it was a good idea,so thats what i did ,i went to walmart and bought all new decorations so i wouldn't have go through my others that have to many memories.Iwill probaly still take them out to add some to my new look,but i haven't yet T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[mattsdad]

To all,

OKAY----

to respond to my post earlier today----

today, after all was not so good.It got off to a good start but continually got worse.

It is a long trip taken one step at a time.

Today I tripped .

Tomorrow????

Jeff

[aprilsmom]

Dear Jeff and Betty, Four months; thank God you came here. At four months I was a zombie. I can honestly tell you that the first 6 months got worse and worse (I hope it's not the same for you, but it might be!) The 11th month was the worst! Now the year has passed and I'm back in Stage 1!! I go to work, I get by, I can manage. There wasn't a truck big enough in this world to kill April....but where is she?? Yes, I do believe the Bible and everything it said but it doesn't stop me from missing her and just feel so cheated. Before this happened when things got rough (by the way, I never knew the meaning)I would say, "I could say why me, but why not me?" That's a heck of a lot harder to say now. Betty, yes, HIS peace will envelope you forever and Jeff- about tomorrow- you might trip but HE will be there to pick you up. Gosh, I wish I could practice what I preach. Sorry, Renee

[jaysdad]

To KEVSMOM

Thank you for your post. Yes, it is indeed earie on how similar our son\'s death seem to be. You mentioned the strange things that heppened before the accident, could you talk about them some more?, Has the numbers representing Kevin\'s accident day (6/21/05) been reflected before the accident in any way?

I think that we feel more tired than \"regular\" people because our grief is still so new and this tension is always there, I mean, the knowledge of our loss really never leaves us, we go through the day and we have probably plenty of moments were everything seems almost normal, but inevitably, we sucumb to our grief numerous times throughout the day and night.

Thank all of you who personally responded to my first post.

On another note, I just got this book, thru amazon.com, called \"Hello From Heaven!\", by Bill Guggenheim & Judy Guggenheim... I just started reading it and I can tell you all, this book is already giving me so much hope and comfort, I\'d recommend it to everyone here!!!

Thanks to all, God Bless You All.

Fred C.

jaysdad

[maskott]

Today is better.

Mazey2-thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It certainly does help.

Daveydow1-I know people wish they could give magic words to help all of us get through the tough days. Of course we know, there are no magic words but it does help to know that people are concerned and trying to help during the tough times.

Aprilsmom-Jeff just said last night that it seems to be getting harder each day. Before this happened, you might think about how you would handle something like this. You would think that the first few months would be horrendous and then it would start to taper off. That's not how it is. Each day gets harder and from what others, like you, have said, it gets harder the next year.

I know we are not going through anything different than everyone else on this sight, but you make us feel special by your thoughts, prayers, and concerns. Thank you for everyone that has responded to our posts, who have thought about us, and have prayed for us. It means a lot to know that people are sympathetic to our feelings and concerned about our daily lives.

Thank you

BettyAnn

[alice24]

Thanks for the Christmas tree hint. My heart cannot take the old ornaments out of the attic and have a tree. My heart is blue and yes there are many tears. The angel date is Sunday 12/11 and one year has passed. I feel worst now than I did one year ago. How can that be? The entire family is on edge and not doing well. I have a grandson and a granddaughter, so Christmas must happen and be Merry. My son was Parran to both of them. Last Chrismas we had snow on Christmas Day in New Orleans. What a miracle from my son to let me know he was OK. The snow was not suppose to happen on Christmas Day, but I asked him to send his special sign on Christmas and my miracle occurred.

Prayers are the only thing keeping me sane. I will continue to pray for all of us. No parent should be in this situation. Love and Prayers for all.

[mamabets]

For Maskott and Mattsdad- I am so sorry that you are in the throws of this struggle- It gets worse before it gets any easier, but knowing that somehow helps and can let you know that by continuing to reach out to us here, it will give you some comfort. I wish that I had the answers for us all, but I don't. I am struggling too, and can't put my finger on anything new. Jackie and Julia will be gone this year for Christmas, and while there is so much joy, I am riddled with so much sadness and undeniable emptiness. I am isolating, and that seems to help. I just pray for time to pass so this process can move along some and find us all somewhat ahead of the game. The miracles are beautiful- I too saw a cloud of the Beyond Indigo logo yesterday- There were hearts in the sky too, and I just felt these tears fall... There is absolutely no doubt that it is my angel boy, along with all of his new friends...Hang tough and know that I am thinking of you and everyone here.xoxomamabets

[mattsdad]

Betsy,

After 4 months I thought we would be in a better frame of mind. But it REALLY is harder today than 2 months ago. Maybe the holidays also have a part in this funk that we are in.

Everyone on TV, whether it be commercials, regular shows or news shows seem to be so HAPPY.I makes

me spit. All the celebrities in Hollywood are having the most glorious Christmases. Be MERRY everyone. The holidays are upon us. Please, spend your money on this piece of junk or that one over there. It is all in the spirit of giving. Give til your wallet breaks. That is what Christmas is all about after all, isn't it?

Well---welcome to our world. The world where everything is not perfect and will not be for years ---if ever again.

This year Christmas is NOT about giving til it hurts. It is about remembering that Jesus came into this world to give us life. Alife that will be so much better than this mortal one we live right now. While we can take solace in this fact, it does not mean we cannot experience the pain of loss and of our childrens futures. But our belief will get us through one more day. Let us see what tomorrow will bring.

Keep looking for those hearts, Betsy. And remember that as long as we are all here, you are not alone. We will get through this season together.

Jeff.

[mamabets]

For Mattsdad- That is so right- We have to just keep on posting and hitting post now- I feel as if it is the only thing that is bringing me any kind of rest- I have to believe, that one day, this will ease up. I will say, that when it hits hard, and the confusion surrounding my life now seems all encompasing, it passes before long. My eyes burn each time a tear or a hundred fall from my eyes- They feel as if I have soap in them. But, I believe that the closeness that we all seem to share is a direct reflection of the closeness that our angels share.Let our angels be in charge of the holidays, for anything and everything just is where they are- No painful feelings, just "perfectly perfect..." These Beyond Indigo logos, hearts, pennies are not coincidences. As I said once, there are no coincidences when it comes to losing a child. And, as Tina has said, take what works and leave the rest- This works, I am always understood here, as are all of you. You hear these soul mates say "He or she completes my sentences"- It goes beyond that here- All of you complete my thoughts,it seems, because you are here with me.While I seem to be in complete touch with the reality of this loss, I am genuinely fearful of what life has in store for me, however I feel very lucky to have met all of you-Danny used to say daily "Everything happens for a reason"- Dean said once "Death is part of life"- My new found wisdom- While it rips at the very core of my being, I try to remember that I am not in charge here and I can not pick and choose why, when, or where when it comes to the turn of the road. I don't want to know why this happened, but I believe, when I can not fight it anymore, that it was and is part of the bigger plan. I often say to Jackie "How could we do this here, if we didn't have Danny there?" Where that realization came from one sad, sad, day, I have not a clue, but since that time, I know that it is Danny leading my way, as all of these creations of ours do, in spite of ourselves. I hope that I can be of some help, as I do speak straight from my heart.xoxomamabets

[briansdad]

This time of year it sometimes helps me to remind myself that God lost a son as well.So I guess he might post here sometimes and we don't know it.I guess we should remember his Son's birthday like we do all of our children.

[briansdad]

This time of year it sometimes helps me to remind myself that God lost a son as well.So I guess he might post here sometimes and we don't know it.I guess we should remember his Son's birthday like we do all of our children.

[mamabets]

For Briansdad- Amen...xoxomamabets

[kirksdad]

Briansdad, you are so right. A few months after Kirk's death our priest gave a sermon about the death of Christ and how Mary must have felt. He explained that the only people in the world that could ever understand that feeling and the sorrow she felt were parents that had also experienced the death of a child. It was one sermon that really hit home. I don't profess to be some religious person that has it all together in the name of God, although I don't think I ever blamed God, I do know that once I heard that coming from a person that never would have children I knew that more people than I realized understood. Here at Christmas time I think about that sermon and how it made me feel. It was one reason why I have chosen to cantor at Christmas Eve service at church over the last few years and hope to keep doing it in the future. It isn't easy, but in some small way I can say that, at least, at this one time of the year, I can feel some relationship to what is going on. I loved my son just as much as she loved hers. I think about how she felt the first time she held him and I know I felt the same way. It is what this time of the year is about and it isn't materialistic like the rest of the season seems to be getting, thank God.

[lostgrievingsister]

To Everyone... Please go to WFAA.com there is an article of devastation... Please pray for this father and his family who lost his 21 and 23 year old sons only minutes apart in seperate horrible car crashes. The accidents happened in Kentucky only minutes from each other and close to their home. May this family find whatever they may need today.

[aprilsmom]

Dear Brian's Dad, Thank you, I needed to hear that! Renee

Dear lostgrievingsister- we'll get the pray wheel going - how very sad! Like Brian's Dad said, I think the Lord posts through us. I'm going to celebrate HIS birth, no matter how I hurt in my loss...."to die is gain". Hope you are all involved in the candle lighting ceremony this Sunday at 7:00 world wide. Our chapter is meeting at a new park where April used to run. I went to check it out the other day and it has a memorial grove where people can pay $250.00 and have a tree planted in their loved one's name right? I walked over to the placque and there was April's name right on top of the eight there! I didn't know but the Parks and Rec staff had purchased the tree in her name. As Compassionate Friends says about the candle ceremony - "So that their lights may always shine". Take Care all, Renee

[alice24]

Good Morning. As I read the entries some of my anger disappeared. God did lose a son. It is not All About Me. I am not the only one hurting. And yes, we should celebrate His Son's birthday as I would my own son's birthday. Christmas does not need to be tears, we have our own special angels to sing for us and carry us into their clouds of a perfect life.

I am trying to be strong and thank everyone for the encourgement. I will participating in the Compassionsate Friends Candle Lighting Ceremony in New Orleans at 7PM, Sunday December 11, 2005 on My angel's one year anniversay. I will need God's love and strength to get through this one.

[rmcaggiano]

To everyone:

I do read the all of your posts now and again, I too have posted a few myself.

However today I read "lostgrievingsister" in regards to to the two brothers

who were killed within minutes and a few miles of each. Rory and Cory

were their names, one was 21yrs. the other 23yrs. They lived with their

father, who was on the telephone with one of the boys when one of the

accidents happened. "God" be with those parents! We all know what they

must feel. I'm not sure how I feel, though towards some of the parents

on this site. This individual posted these boy's death so sudden and

it has appeared to me that since I have come to this site in June of

this year, I lost my son (Nicholas) May 8th 2005. The majority of

everyone on here just posts their "misery" day after day after day.

Not all respond to "sudden" or "shock".

I too have lost my child and I couldn't imagine writing day after day

the "Hell" I am going through not to mention my two daughters and my

grandson who will grow up with out his "daddy"! I do talk and

speak with my couselor and I do know that this God Aweful Pain that we all

have will NEVER end. However, alot of parents on this site "gruel" to

each other, and as I read on it's like some have been writing the

same for years. I know we all see the same "color" loosing one or

more of our children. I have learned this site can be more of a "downer"

than anything.

Rose

[mamabets]

For rmcaggiano- Each person grieves differently and I, for one, admire the tortured people that come here to reach out for help, and in doing so, help others. I am grateful to have them in my life today, and I am here for them in any way that I can be. I have no doubt that my son is proud as we all try to comfort one another. On this long journey, may you find what works for you and may you have the strength to leave the rest.mamabets

[kirksdad]

Sometimes the pain we feel needs to be expressed in so many different ways. It even makes such a difference in how long one has been at this process. I feel so sorry for the ones that are just beginning this journey and pull a lot of comfort from those that have been doing this for some time. I know how much I have changed because of my son's death and there are times I feel like I can make it and times I just want to give up. The nice thing now is those times I want to give up seem to come at longer intervals than they did in the beginning. In the beginning I was s shattered, torn, a piece of nothing that only existed in a body. Sometimes I still feel that way, but not on a minute by minute basis,hell, lets me honest there weren't even minute breaks in the pain I felt at first. Let's be honest it took some time to feel anything, but pain, hurt, lack of understanding, just feeling nothing mattered or ever would again. I know I did feel that way then, but now things are changing. I know that just being able to say what was on my mind here has helped so much. Even when I get no response I still feel I have let more out, more of that pain. I am able to talk about it in a place where others understand, not a large commodity in what is now my world of reality. Hey, I do have some great moments now and Kirk is with me every moment, in my heart. God, I wish there was more, but this is a new reality. We all go through it, in our own way, in our own time and just being able to come here and say what is on my mind helps so much. Jim

[jscmom]

Hello everyone I found this the other day with a Christmas Ornament which read

Merry Christmas Hello From Heaven

I love you all so dearly,

Now don't shed a tear

I am spending my Christmas

With Jesus this year.

The card reads

I still hear the songs,

I still see the lights,

I still feel your love

on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes,

and all of your cares

I'll even remind you

to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you

you still make me proud

You stand haed and shoulders

above all the crowd

Keep tryimg each moment

to stay in His grace

I came here before you

to help set you place

You don't have to be

perfect all of the time

He forgives you the slip

If you continue the climb

To my family and friends

please be thankful today

I'm still close beside you

In a new special way

I love you all dearly

now don't shed a tear

Cause I'm spending my

Christmas with Jesus this year.

Johnny's mom forever 22

3/22/82 10/10/04

I love you "man"

It has been 14 months today since our son left us, the pain is still deep, can't help to cry, I miss you so much son, my angel in the sky

[jscmom]

To all who have birthdays and angel dates this month my prayers are with all of you.

haven't been here for awhile as it seems to get harder as each day passes may all of us find strength in the coming days.

Lucette, Johnny's mom forever 22

[maskott]

I thought this site was for grieving parents to come here to find comfort that they don't find anywhere else. I lost my son August 7, 2005. My life of hell goes on every day while my family, friends and co-workers continue on with their happy life. Most of them don't want to hear of my pain or talk about my son. Yes...I am one of the guilty ones that comes on this site to talk about the painful days because I don't have anyone else to talk to. I can't afford a counselor so I use this site to help me through these painful days. What I need to know is if this site isn't to be to talk about the painful days, then what are we supposed to be doing here? How many great days do we have that we can talk about? Who wants to listen to my great days when they are going through hell? I have found this site to be a blessing in being able to talk to others going through or having gone through the same thing. It's sad that so many people have to be on this site and new people are added every day but that is the fact. We are here to support each other and help each other make it through each day. I'm sorry if I've made anyone feel down.

BettyAnn

[briansdad]

Kirksdad,mamabets,maskott,

DITTO!!!!!

[donosmom]

It has been almost 29 months since Matthew died and my life is still HELL. As said before this is the only place that I can come and say what I need to say and know that others understand. I come and read every single day and it helps me to know that I am not going crazy. I also don't feel alone on this journey. I find those that verbalize (Gruel) about their pain couragous. Sometimes they have a way of saying things make the light bulbs go on for me and I can say "Oh yeah" that is what is going on with me today. When it is to painful for me I just won't come here for a while. Please everyone keep writing, you never know who you are helping, I am sure there are many of us who "lurk" more than post but get a tremendous amount of validation. Thank you everyone.

Matthews Mama Mary

11-3-79 - 7-13-03

[rhonda68]

Dear Bettyanne,

Yes I very much agree with you! This is the site that has pretty much helped me through since day one. No one understands out here I have even been told people wont be there to help unless I am happy and want to have fun. I keep wondering what kind of statement that was do they really think i need help when i am happy and having fun???????????? It has been 9 months since my son left me and I am still overwhelmed with pain as I miss him so much and with Christmas comming upon us its almost unbareable I would just like to forget about Christmas and I have to some degree but I still put up the tree for my other son. I like that we can come here with our pain and our thoughts this is the only place to be as no one understands dont know what I would do without this site.

This is a little quote I found:

I beleive grief is a process that involves a lot of time,energy and determination. I wont "get over it" in a hurry,so dont rush me!

I believe grief is intensely personal. This is my grief, Don't tell me how I should be doing it. Don't tell me whats right or wrong. I'm doing it my way,in my time.

As far as people go I trust no one any more. My friends,my boyfriend etc. have really hurt me just because they have never suffered like this but someday they might!....as far as I am concerned I know alot more than they do this is such a hard road and I am here for all of you no matter what down this hard long exhausting road.

Richards Mom

[danielsmom]

I am one of the ones who reads more then I post,But I find reading what everyone else posts lets me know that I am not alone in the way that I feel. I think that we should all be allowed to post exactly how we feel good or bad.

Wendy

[kathy714]

Dear Rmcaggiano,Iam sorry you find this site such a "downer" and that you think everything we write is about misery,.I myself think this site has saved my life and i have,over time made some wonderful friends here and have developed some close bonds with people who are going through the same grief and feeling the same "miserable" feelings that i feel day after day.After a day of listening to all my friends and co-workers talk about there children and thier wonderful life,and i think "Oh God" why did this have to happen to just me,then i come here late at night and i realize it is not just me,there are others out there in the same situation and even though i feel alone ,i come here to all my friends....Kathy,Nate's mom

[kevinsmom102]

This site has kept me from killing myself I must say. Just like anything, if you don't get anything out of it, don't come. I'm really in a mood today.