Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Yes Becky, our Angels will guide these littlest Angels to safety. As a teacher and working in an elementary situation, I was horrified to think that someone actually targeted that age group. We always know it is a possibility, we practice a few times per year just as we do for tornado and fire drills. We know that the teachers today and the staff did what they could to ease the anxiety and fear in the kids, even while their own hearts beat to a whole other sound. Gunfire.

Oh the thought of the innocence snuffed out. I can't handle the thought of the 20 families waiting to see their children only to realize that they will not see them again. The agony on such a large scale. The mighty suffering, the grief bigger than the town itself. The fear that will be hard to tamp down, hard to manage. And yes, the agony for the whole village to face and deal with. What deep pain will settle over the town so-

God please bless them with some kind of special gift---let the children who survived this horror grow to be peace makers making change for the entire nation in the light left them by those who lost their lives today, let us find ways to honor the souls and the lives of these littlest humans by ending the prevalence of fire arms in our culture. Let the parents whose hearts are ripped up find ways to be united and be assisted as they live their first hours, days, weeks and months of this horrid tragedy.

[justinlsmom]

That was my first thought, i asked my son Justin, please be there to meet these beautiful innocent souls and comfort them and make them feel welcome. Play ball with them, welcome them and love them. I know he will, he loved little people, he was always smiling at the all the little kids and playing with them when none of the other older kids would, he was a child at heart. I believe he is their comforting them and loving them.

This is a cruel world anymore, I dont understand what is going on and I dont want to. I keep thinking of the 40 plus parents out there feeling the pain that I went through 4 months ago and the long road they have ahead of them. These beautiful innocent babies. The pain the husbands/wives/parents of all the adults that were taken by this person and his own family, the grief they are going through. i know this isnt PC, but what kind of pain or mental anguish was this young soul going through to do this......... Everybody is a victim of this. My heart bleeds for all involved. I cannot wrap my mind around any of this. Its so painful to even think of the anguish that all of these people are going through. I hope I dont offend anybody by this comment. I feel for everyone in this horrible tragedy.

[mikesmomrs]

The words already posted here this evening (Friday...it is now early Saturday morning) are from the hearts of those who wrote. Dee, I must say that you were first in my mind today when I heard of this tragedy...you have those beautiful children in your charge, in a school, and I am so very thankful that you and they are not part of this horrific tragedy. I truly loved the prayer you wrote, Dee, and I know that each of us repeat it in our hearts and send strength and love to all of these parents involved as they begin the terribly sad and seemingly endless journey of grieving their losses.

I pray all of our angels are gathered to welcome these new little guests of our Lord, and the parents of these precious souls newly departed from this earth will find strength in knowing their babies are no longer in any danger or fear for their lives, ever again. My heart breaks for them.

[mikesmum]

I woke this morning (Friday) to the devestation in Connecticut. I sat transfixed as a teacher recounted how she spoke to her charges, more like a parent would, telling them she loved them, thinking it would be the last thing they would hear. Then a child recounting how the teacher told them to close their eyes, put their hands on the shoulders of the person in front of them so they could be led out to safety. She had such faith in her teacher.

Dee - I thought of you. How your children mean so much to you. Nothing could have prepared them for this. How do they rebuild the lives of those left behind? How do those who survived pick up their lives? A start is with those who know, who can guide them as I know you do your students.

My heart broke as I thought of those parents whose babies were ripped from them without warning without reason. I realised how 'lucky' I was to have had my son for 31yrs. Then in heartbeat my thoughts turned to a group angels who would take these young innocents in their arms and wrap them in love and light.

I will borrow your words in the hope that they reach many and in someway mend what has been so cruelly broken.....

Peace & Light

[ericasmom]

I am listening to some music to help me find ways to express the grief we are all feeling...this is a beautiful song-prayer that I feel is singing those Babies home to the arms of our Angels. Now how do we sing any kind of hope or peace into the parents?

Trudi, Carol, it is so heart wrenching. Thanks for thinking of me, we teachers just use our instincts to guide our children to safety. We do lock down drills always hoping and praying we never need to have a real one. One thing we need to help this world with is mental illness. We need to teach kids that are very young that if they don't feel happy to let us know, that if they feel on the outside or cannot find a friend in anyone, to let us know, that our job is not just to teach numbers, and how to spell and read words, but our job is to listen, to observe the social skills or lack there of and find the right people to assist them in their quest for a happier life. We turn our heads, we meaning society, not we here, but the world turns their heads. Parents of kids who are troubled live lonely lives because others don't want to deal with those issues and we create this extremely closed in world for kids who grow up with so much sadness, who then become adults with no tools to deal with their emotions, their fears, their demons. We must take mental illness out of the hidden rooms and let the sunshine on it, treat it as we do kids with asthma, diabetes, cerebral palsy, and quit trying to make it go away by keeping it in the dark. Maybe then we will raise kids that have mental illness but have tools and supports to help them live well instead of living in the misery they sometimes do. Everytime the state and feds say we need to make cuts in the budget, what gets attacked? Mental health facilities are shut down, treatments are no longer covered on the insurance held by parents. Less group homes are available to adults in need, where they can live more independently and in companionship with others who struggle. We need to face the reality of this world, our children don't all grow up happy and well adjusted, some need help from day one and some don't require help until later but help should not be a label for the parent nor the child. Help should be like insulin, necessary medicines for those in need. LEt us learn from this terror that if we are going to change this we need to start with gun control and we need to revamp the whole mental health issue.

I am still so unable to wrap my brain around the parents of these little ones, the siblings too. How will they be able to live in a town, so serene up until yesterday, and find a way to stay there, to still call it home. Some will move, but then they lose the cornerstone of their lives, some will stay, and some will inevitably not make it through as the weight of so much sadness in one place will be insurmountable. God let us be open to their hearts and let our hope somehow make it through the tiny cracks in the clouds.

[mikesmum]

Borrowed from FB this morning (Sat). Posted by Greg, Brian's dad.

Innocence was lost here in April of 1996 which prompted a change in gun control law here. Thirty five people died, twenty three wounded. Two small children, Alannah and Madeline Mikac, aged six and three, along with their mother, died that day. Walter Mikac was the pharmacist at the hospital where I trained.

The Alannah and Madeline Foundation was born from this tragedy with the belief that all children should have a safe and happy childhood without being subjected to any form of violence. It was launched on 30 April 1997 by the Prime Minister of Australia.

Gun control is only part of the solution. Real funding and research for mental health another.

On a personal note.....never say this guys name. Find a way to remember a name of one of those children who are no longer with us.....

Say their names, make sure they are not the forgotten ones.......

[ericasmom]

Trudi, thanks for posting the song and your words. How grand that good laws were put into place in Australia after the girls were killed. There is never going to be justice for those who die at the hand of those bent on destruction, but at least a purpose for the good that stems from this horrid loss. Let their families see that goodness is developed in the ashes of this sadness.

God please assist These Six and Seven Year Olds to shine their lights for the world to see, for guidance and for sustenance of the spirits that have been so crushed under the weight of so much pain. And God, please wrap our gratitude around the adults whose lives were lost so that they feel our love like a thick warm blanket. The kids have their teachers with them.

[daveydow1]

To all Indigos who expressed sorrow about the tragedy in Connecticut.......

Betty, Carol,Dee, Lora, Becky, Justinsmom, Trudi, and all others here at BI....I share

the sadness and despair at this senseless and violent way these dear small

children, and the adults who tried to protect them, were taken from this

world in the blink of an eye. I join in with your prayers for the families of

all who died by violence. Many new angels entering heaven. It seems to be

schools are often the target of a twisted gunman who carries out his rage against society,

blasting away with automatic weapons that are so massively destructive and deadly.

Seems there's no answers.....none of this violence makes sense. I've been like some of

you who say that it is just too difficult and sad to watch the coverage of it.

It makes an entire nation's collective heart heavy with sadness..

Sherry

[Sholl1955]

I have come to this site numerous times since hearing the news yesterday and just had no words. I agree with everyone here and knowing the pain the parents, grandparents, siblings and friends of those lost have been thrust into is so heartbreaking. My grandaughter Maddie turned 6 on the 12th and goes to Kindergarten every day. As she has been grieving the loss of her Mama, her school has been her "safe place" and her teacher is the "best teacher in the whole world" Every child in that school and across the country have lost this "safe place" forever. We have not let the girls see any of the news, and they are not aware of what happened, but we were reminded that evil finds a way even into the most innocent among us. Sarah was a first grade teacher, and I know she was there yesterday loving those children into heaven. She loved children and they loved her as I am sure those babies loved their teacher who did everything she could to protect them, losing her life in the process.

I have only watched a short amount of the news as I cannot handle seeing it. I saw a brief clip and they were interviewing one of the parents who had lost his daughter. I just wish the news reporters would not do that. I don't believe any of them should be questioned on how they feel right now. They are in shock of course, and the look in his face

is all too familiar to those of us who have gone down this road.

May God help America!

Sandy

[ModKonnie]

Dee, You are so right about how important it is that we as a nation do something about mental illness. Currently, many people who suffer serious mental health issues are simply locked up in prisons and do not receive the kind of care they really need to be integrated back into society. As an addictions counselor at a women's prison, I see much mental illness that goes untreated because the women have no access to the resources they need.

To all the other Indigo family members: I am heartsick, too, as I watch the details of the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School. My mind just doesn't comprehend how someone could do such a thing. It sounds as though the school officials did everything right, and many died as heroes trying to save those precious children.

I am with all of you in your prayers for those families, their community and our country.

[Jilly's mom]

The school shooting in Connecticut is on my mind . Many new angel parents/siblings/family members have been born . The wounds they will bear are much like having a c-section....without an type of anesthesia. They are going through the shock, disbelief, numbness and chill that many of us went through. They woke up the next morning stunned that the world kept turning, when theirs had stopped. My prayers are with each of them. The holidays for them will forever be marked with sadness. Please wrap your arms around them in thought and prayer, now and in the next days, weeks and months. Never underestimate the power of those loving, comforting prayers!

I had journaled this the night before the shooting...as I watched the meteor showers, I wondered if they were angels lining up to help new ones come Home. Perhaps many of you can relate to this entry?

di•chot•o•my

[ dī kóttəmee ] 1. separation of different or contradictory things: a separation into two divisions that differ widely from or contradict each other.

Mark and I have been talking a lot about grief...and how irrational and contradictory it can be. We are trying to come to terms with the thought that Jillian is no longer on Earth. You would think that since we visit her grave nearly every day, that would be a no brainer, wouldn't you? That by going to the space where we last said goodbye to our daughter's body, knowing her casket lies just a few feet under the ground we stand on, it would sink in, wouldn't it? Nope. Still doesn't feel real. Somehow, even after 55 weeks, we just can't grasp that! It's a dichotomy. We are fully aware that her body no longer functions...that she has left that shell that we knew and loved to hold. We know she is no longer "here" and yet she IS, in so many ways! She comes to us in little nuances that make us smile. It doesn't happen every day....sometimes we go several days, or even weeks without anything at all. And then....just when we least expect it, and most need it, we are allowed to feel her close by. We are given the assurance that she is more alive than we are! We see her in her friends actions...in the love and kindness of those we know and even in total strangers.

Mark made the statement that especially in the days following the accident, when we were so incredibly raw with grief, that he had never felt more dead...and yet more alive...at the same time. I know that sounds a bit crazy. Other angel parents probably know exactly what I am talking about. I guess the only analogy I can give you is that you have 5 fingers....you don't really think about them being there, they are just part of your hand. You don't "feel" them as you use them all the time. You take them for granted ....until you accidently smash one, or burn one. When that happens, every molecule in your body screams with pain. The part of you that is hurt takes on such a significance that it is difficult to think of anything else until the pain subsides. You have never been more alive, because you feel EVERYTHING so intensely. It throbs at first. You wonder if you will be able to stand another second of the pain. Then some numbness sinks in, and it becomes tolerable. Finally, you become used to it, and only cry out if you accidently bump it on something. Then the pain comes flooding back to the forefront of your memory.

It's kind of like that with grief. You initially feel so dead inside. God blesses you with numbness for awhile, and then little by little allows you to feel again. Once that happens, you are aware of the hole that the grief has left so acutely, that it often takes on a life of its own. It is difficult to concentrate on much else. Your memory is crappy.

There are days that I can honestly say "At this moment I am ok." And then there are days when I welcome the meltdowns, as they provide a relief to the emotions that build up until they can no longer be contained....they must come up, and out. In order to heal, I have been told that we can't go around it, over it or under it...we must go THROUGH it. It must be pushed up and out in order to form some kind of protective scar tissue so that we can function, even though we are constantly bumping into memories that open the wound again.

Sometimes pushing the grief up and out looks like sadness, crying or apathy. Sometimes it is smiles and laughter, believe it or not...Occasionally, those 2 things happen at the same time! Often, it is talking about it...over and over as we try to convince our minds that it is real. There is no right way or wrong way...it doesn't come with a handy instruction guide that says "You will be in this stage for 6.2 days, then this one for another 2.3 weeks...and when you have been through all the stages, then BAM, your grief is over and you can go back to being who you were before! Carry on, get back to a normal life. Doesn't work that way, folks. It never, ever goes away completely, but I have noticed it does get softer on some days. Although I may look like the same person on the outside, on the inside I will never be who I was before....and neither will those who knew her. She touched our lives, kissed our hearts and when she went Home, part of us went with her....a part of our past, our present and our future. She took a part of our hearts with her too. She is holding those parts in her soul, ready to give them back to us when she meets us at the gates as we come Home.

And as Edgar Guest so eloquently put it in the poem he wrote "To all Parents":

"Now will you give her all your love, nor think the labor vain,

Nor hate me when I come to call to take her back again?

I fancied that I heard them say: "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!

"For all the joy thy child shall bring, the risk of grief will run. We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may, And for happiness we've known forever grateful stay. But should the angels call for her much sooner than we'd planned,

"We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

I would take that risk of grief again in a heartbeat....and I will keep trying to understand for the rest of my days.

Such a dichotomy.....

Much love, Louise (Jilly's mom)

[ericasmom]

Louise, your words are lovely, the definition of dichotomy and your experience with the dichotomy of grief. Thank you.

[briansdad]

I posted this on Facebook.

Thought I'd share it here for those of you who may not be on my friends list.

I have been sitting here trying to grasp how any person can take the life of innocent children.

Thinking of the parents pushes on the scar of grief I have. I can feel the raw emotions of the day that changed my life forever. I feel so sorry...

for the parents having to walk into a room and have a law inforcement official say your child is dead. Then having to go and see their face, looking as though they're sleeping and say yes that's my child. The numbness of making plans for the funeral. Going through the motions as if on autopilot. Smiling and saying thanks for coming. The hell they have to look forward to when 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, the world says why can't you move on?

Then when every day they'll think not about what they will do today but how many more minutes , hours , days before they see their child again. I can't process the feelings I have about this. All I can say is may God help them.

[Guest]

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[daveydow1]

Greg----Thanks for your post.

Lora----I so know what you mean about seeing/reading about the school

massacre in Conn. It is just so very sad, and your heart goes out to the

families of those dear children. What an absolute nightmare for them to

have to plan a funeral for those little angels. They have a whole nation

praying for them, but we all know that in the wake of this horrific event,

the pain and sorrow are just beginning, and they are changed forever.

To hear the sobs of the loved ones, as Pres.Obama read each little child's

name in his message, brings tears to eyeseverywhere in the country and world.

Peace to you.

Dee----On this same subject, there was a psychologist on one of the

morning shows today, and he mentioned that teachers can help by

teaching children two things (among all the others) , and that is

1.) Creativity, and 2.) Volunteerism. I thought of you right away

because over these 9 years we've been together on this site, you

have mentioned lots of times that you were teaching your students

these very things......as recently as a couple wks. ago where your

kids were learning & sharing in projects to help others. Just want

to commend you for your dedication to teaching young children who

are so impressionable at these early school years, and for being such

a powerful and positive influence for them. Peace & comfort.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sherry, thanks so much. We did write Haiku and Cinquain poetry today as we do each year to welcome winter. WE cut out beautiful snowflakes from a pattern book and attach a snowflake to our favorite poems that are mounted on light winter blue paper and we hang them in our windows...snowing poems about winter all winter long.

We were asked to not speak of the circumstances of Conn. shootings. If a child brought it up, and two did, I was instructed to say that we were not going to talk about that as many kids do not know about it and their parents would like to keep it so. I told them that we practice fire drills/tornado drills/ and lock down drills so that we know what to do if ever we needed.

We practiced as a whole third grade, 120 kids, in the auditorium today for our winter sing this Friday. Thursday is the dress rehearsal so it is coming fast now. So poignant to hear the songs. Our kids are singing Everyday People, you know, from the late 60's or 70's. Even more poignant now/

Love to All,

dee

[mamabets]

This is just so unfathomable, all of it. To think that these families will one day be able to even begin to carry on is unimagineable, yet I believe that they will. They are in the throws of a living war, and my heart is brought back to the early morning hours of Danny's accident, knowing that my life could never go on, and then, like all of ours here, it miraculously did. Prayers and hope for one hour, day at a time to shine brighter than ever...

[ericasmom]

Mamabetts, haven't seen you here for a long long time. Good to see you. Yes, unfathomable and without reason, without sense. Each time I find myself with tears I realize I was sitting or walking picturing the last moments of those lives lost. Those first moments of realization for the families.

Deep pain.

[darlenestark]

It was a year ago today, our family Christmas gathering in Wisconsin, the last time we were all together with Ali...

In eleven days it will be one year...

His amazing spirit gets me through each day, but right now I just wish I could have him back here on earth...

[daveydow1]

Mamabets----So glad to see your post, and Danny's great smile. The

tragedy in Connecticut is....as you say.....unfathomable. I hope that

there will be some changes in gun laws for this country.....it's high

time that assault rifles are banned. The NRA took down their Facebook

page. Peace to you, friend.

Dee-----the activities that your class is busy with.....the snowflakes,

poems, etc. sound so very nice.....also, the poems they are writing

themselves. So sad that the children are reaching out for reassurance

by asking questions. It's good that the school officials gave the teachers

and other school personnel guidelines about this tragic subject. I can't

even watch the coverage on t.v. for very long. Every decent and law-

abiding citizen in this country, and other countries has grief in their hearts,

and empathy for the families of the angels.

[daveydow1]

Ali'smom Darlene----thinking of you and your family as the one-year date

approaches. Peace & comfort .

[Mermaid Tears]

to Ali's Mom...Darlene.....thinking of you

[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

Darlene, I know that your heart is heavy at this time, one year is a long time and that it was one year ago today that you were all together marks the time of joy knowing that the most sad date is right there looming. For most of us here, the looming part was the hardest. The actual date was sad but not as anxiety producing as those that led up to it. Peace Sweetie.

Brenda, are you okay? Kate? Leah?

Lora, we have a lot in common. I ended up consoling others too through Eri's death and our grieving time. That is just the way some folks are. Spiritually speaking, I do believe Erz let me know that she was near, that she was fine, so I do believe that I was able to take that on in helping others because of that.

I have to pull back too from the coverage of the tragedy, but then I find it hard to do so.

Sherry, what is Misty doing? Does she play with cat toys or simply entertained by life around her. We might get snow tomorrow so that means you might get it the next day. Boy my students are doing snow dances, we saw about 10 flakes today, they were jumping for joy. I told them that the sooner we got their snowflakes and poetry up on the windows, the more inspired those big gray clouds might be...

Going to make Pumpking Cranberry Bread now, many little loaves for room parent gifts. Yum.

[Mermaid Tears]

isn't it strange....that we become the ones that console others....we are the shoulder...the strong arm....just tonight...I have been telling the family that I want to create a "new" kind of tree....not get out all the Christmas ornaments...some I have had since the kids were in Kindergarten....and the stonewall from my husband and daughter that we "must" put up the traditional tree....?? they say..."John David would want this".....but....I have dotted every "i" and crossed every "t"....for him and them...I remember years and years ago...both my Grandmothers on maternal and paternal sides would only decorate the tree on Christmas Eve....back then it wasn't the Commercial Christmas we have now.....I am so "something".....I don't even know where to put it all.....we do have the Blessings of our new Baby....Wyatt John Newman.....who is gorgeous...head full of black hair....healthy...for isn't that the true gift of Christmas.....I guess all this other stuff is just the glitter....and I should just go with what all the family wants....

[ericasmom]

Maybe there is room for two trees Mermaid tears. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but the tree you envision...maybe you should make that happen even on a very small scale. A tabletop tree decorated on Christmas Eve in honor of your Boy. The other tree can be the whole family tree. Most important is to do only what you feel you can do. Grief is exhausting and we do need to give ourselves a break. The stress and sadness can really zap our energy. Make sure that you are drinking plenty of water and juices and eating at regular times to keep your body working even when your heart and mind are feeling shattered. I had to change things here at Christmastime after Erz died but there were no children here as my Son was back at his dad's home two blocks away. So I did not have any opposition to change.

[BrendaDup59]

Hi Dee and everyone , I have been busy getting the Christmas decorations up .so hard to not get more depressed then I already am with the news of the beautiful children so I am trying to stay busy . I have so much to do it is almost over whelming . well I thought I would post some pictures of our house I did this for Kaleb and my grandchildren the only reason I get up everyday . I hope everyone tries to have a good Christmas saying Merry or Happy just doesn't seem right . Love Brenda

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....that is a great idea...the Traditional Tree...and then a "new" tree....I know the other 5 kids and 14 grandchildren don't want me to go too far off the beaten path....."Because We Need a Little Christmas".....we have always had a real tree....and I think I will purchase a small artificial tree for my seashells and special new ornaments my 9 year old granddaughter and I have been creating....and thank you for reminding me to "Self Care".....it is important to take a back seat and simply figure out...the how and what....is still top to do....and leave the rest.....

Brenda.....thanks for posting those photos....my husband put up all our front yard decorations....and by golly....if you can decorate your tree and house....and I see your angel hasn't been away from his family a long time either....and you and I have grandchildren that we should pass traditions down to....then I know with ...The gift of Faith...and God's sweet Grace....He will help me through this

[Guest]

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[briansdad]

Christmas is a hard time.Cards from family and friends with pictures of families intact. Makes me think of my family with the hole in it. Kind of depressing.

I read this today and it me think.So do with it what you will.Maybe it will help you make it through the holidays.

Jeremiah Chapter 29 Verse 11:

“ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and give you hope.’”

Greg

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you Lora...and BriansDad....yes....his name is Wyatt John ...after John David....I thank each of you for your time and thoughts and words...that can reach out and touch a heart....and Lora....I, too, feel a calmness...I had this amazing dream of John David...will describe it later...and then one morning I woke up about 4 AM, had had a very restless sleep...it was right before Thanksgiving.....I got my cup of coffee...and was trying to get adjusted with covers on the couch and my mind "cleared" and it was like I "heard" a voice that said..."Trust Me".....so after that...when a tremendous meltdown was coming...I would say "trust me" to myself....no..it didn't keep me from sobbing...or sadness...or that grabbing cry from a Mother's heart that says....I just want him back....but....there was that "voice".....I do find a need more "alone" time..to keep my balance....

[Mermaid Tears]

I have to add that Dee....reminds me of one of the most important issues in dealing with grief....and one I will put back on the burner....is "SELF CARE".....Dee reminds us and we need to heed that very important aspect....we think we are breaking down from the sadness....and our hearts and soul are hurting....but...taking care of the take care of "us"....has to be in the equation of it all......Bless each of you...."for we have Faith...and God's sweet Grace"....

[Guest]

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[JD's Mom, Becky]

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....am thinking of you....and your J.D......we do learn how to mark the time, don't we ??

[briansdad]

I'm sending several hundred of these to Newtown CT. with my friend Alan Petersen.

It's all I could think to do.

[BrendaDup59]

I'm sending several hundred of these to Newtown CT. with my friend Alan Petersen.

It's all I could think to do.

what an awesome thing to do. I'm sure they will love them. those 20 little angels will never be forgotten .

[BrendaDup59]

This was posted on Face book and I thought I would share it , it may have been shared already ... anyway here it is .

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38 when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate. Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air. They co...uld hardly believe all the beauty they saw there. They were filled with such joy; they didn't know what to say. They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day. “where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse. “This is heaven" declared a small boy. "We’re spending Christmas at God's house”. When what to their wondering eyes did appear, but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near. He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same. Then He opened His arms and He called them by name. And in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring those children all flew into the arms of their King and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace, one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face. And as if He could read all the questions she had He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad. “then He looked down on earth, the world far below He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe, then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand, “Let My power and presence re-enter this land! “May this country be delivered from the hands of fools” “I’m taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools! “Then He and the children stood up without a sound. “Come now my children let me show you around. “Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran. All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can. And I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight, “in the midst of this darkness,” I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

[ericasmom]

Greg, what a wonderful gift you are giving these kids. Oh my goodness, you are a good man Charlie brown.

Bren, thanks for the poem, I had not seen it and it brought tears.Good to see you and I love your decorations.

Mermaid, glad that you are finding ways to put your mark on this new time. Life changes and so we too must find ways to change with our lives.

[Guest]

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[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thanks, Lora, and thanks Susan for thinking of me. I sent my new picture to the Homeland Security Office, and the police department which did the investigation of the crash that took Jared's life. They never saw him, as he had been removed from the scene well before the police got there to start their investigation, and I just wanted them to be able to put a face to the name, and realize that though it may no longer be on their minds, it will never leave ours.

Greg, what a beautiful gesture! I have enjoyed the songs you posted.

Becky, very nice artistic work again....

[summergirl]

My dear sweet friends....it has been many days since I have been here - I see there are new to this journey who have joined and I am so very sorry for the reason you are here but my heart is happy that you have found the most wonderful place to share all that you have.....

I, as all of you, and the whole world, have been having a diffacult time with the terrible tragic loss of 20 innocent, wonderful children and 7 beautiful adults. My heart aches each day for the families and friends. I feel at a loss as to what to do knowing there is nothing except to pray and keep them close in my heart saying there name's out loud.... I know that our Angels were there to greet them with open loving arms and will continue to watch over them...

It is Christmas time again and as always thoughts of what should be go through my mind daily - it never gets better, this missing my girl, the pain in my heart, the saddness that surrounds me....I am strong for Tavian, we decorated the tree and house, we have laughed and shopped....but the hurt remains inside of me... I miss you my Jessica...

Tavian is doing good....we went to his Christmas play last night, it was great and he was so adorable....growing so fast, too fast. He is enjoying school and is palying LaCrosse on Wednesday nights at the inside arena just down from our house. He is excited about Christmas which makes me happy and gives me a reason to smile... The town we live in has put 27 Christmas trees at the edge of town in front of our windmill in honor of the children and teachers....it gives those who need to do something a place to go, to decorate the trees or whatever you want. I asked Tavian if he would like to go put an ornament on each tree but he replied "I really want to mi-mi but it makes me so sad and I know I will cry"....I told him it was ok not to go and it was ok to cry, he could do what was best for him but that I am here for him if he wanted to talk..... Love that boy

I am going to say good night as I am not feeling well, sore throat and achey !! Need my rest as I am not going to be sick for the Holidays.... I send each and everyone of you the best, may peace surround you, may your sweet memories carry you through each day, may your tears help the healing, may you always know that no matter how long you are away from this wonderful site you always come back and you never ever forget those here....Hugs, Kathy, Jessica's mom always

[summergirl]

Tavian just before his play last nite.....he was a store owner but looks more like a Blues Brother....LOL

[summergirl]

Greg - my heart is full with what you are doing for Newtown CT.....

[Mermaid Tears]

with each of you and all of you...thank you for " being "....am so enriched for what you do or say...it means so much...

[shellyku]

Good Morning All! If I may comment on some of the more recent posts:

Brenda - that poem you found on facebook is incredible! What a beautiful picture it

conjurs(sp) up...those precious children sitting with Jesus. I believe!!

Greg - all I can say is WOW...you da man! A gesture straight from your hearts to theirs!

On the subject of intact families, I received a Christmas card from a neighbor who put a

printed paper inside telling of their wonderful, beautiful lives and how well all their kids

are doing, and I immediately thought: should I send them one that says "my daughter is

still gone"? I know that is harsh and I confess I have a little anger on me this season, but

I believe it speaks to what you were saying. I just keep telling myself "they can't know".

Becky - yet another awesome work of art of your Jared! It really puts in stark perspective

the numbers of days with and without your boy...prayers to you.

Mermaid - We haven't met but my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your boy. I believe

this site, as someone long ago stated, is from God and our angels so we, who've lost our

children, have somewhere to go to be heard, acknowledged, and comforted. Prayers.

Must get ready for work. Didn't even to take time to double-space so this must look like

a big blob of print! To all "Indigos": have a blessed day! Shelly

[shellyku]

P.S. Kathy - Tavian looks great! He is almost a man! Sorry you're not feeling well, better

nip that one in the bud...Christmas is coming! I, too, miss my girl. I pray they are good buds

where they are now!

Lora - I'm still thinking about you and I meeting at some point! I know several people from

this site have found themselves close geographically and I think it would be wonderful

to get together with anyone nearby. Something to ponder. Gotta go now

[Guest]

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