Loss of an Adult Child

[aim630]

Brenda-I replied to the post on Grieving Mothers because they memorialized Ashley's account 2 days after she died. I guess eventually it had to be done, but what bothered me was we weren't the ones who did it, somebody took it upon themselves to do it. Ashley had a quote we wanted to use at her service, but since her account was memorialized, we couldn't see everything on her page. One of her friends gave me the quote, and ironically, now that they've changed to timeline, we can see the quote. Her memorialized page is still there, but she does not show up on my friends list anymore. If they take down her page completely, I don't know what I'll do. I tried to keep the holidays as close as possible as before, for my daugher who is now 19. She loves traditions. It is sad on Christmas morning, because Ashley and Katie took turns opening their presents, now for the past 3 years, it's just been her. Always a hole in our hearts. Ashley was hospitalized in a coma o Christmas in 2009, but expected to live. We hung her stocking, and we've never taken it down. You just have to do whatever feels right for you. I hope the medication helps.

Lora-you mentioned you had relatives in Canton and Salem. I live in Alliance, which is right in the middle of those 2 cities. Small world.

I've been reading a lot but not posting. Watching the storm coverage, and praying for safety for all in the path. Just rainin here now, but north of us must have received a lot more wind than us.

Need to get ready for work.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Guest]

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[JD's Mom, Becky]

We are safe and dry. Didn't lose power, but it was a very windy night! They lifted the driving ban this am, but still say avoid downed power lines and roads with water. Many without power in neighboring communities. Still raining and blowing today, but not as fierce as yesterday. Schools still closed today. Thanks for all your concern!

Last year, at Christmas, we decorated, inside and out. It had only been two months at that time, but I decorated my tree with pictures of Jared that I printed out on cardstock paper. We went to my oldest son's house for dinner, of which all the family cook and take dishes to his 100 year old house. He bought that house about 4 years ago, and has been busy remodeling it. Jared and I spent a ton of hours there helping him. I don't know how much decorating we will do this year.

This is Jared, Christmas 2010, with his second cousins.

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, so glad that you are doing okay! Love your photo of the kids at Christmas time. Hard time of the year for everyone going through this...no matter how long ago it happened.

Lora...hope your training session this afternoon goes well.

David, glad to see you are starting to feel a bit better. I am feeling a little bit better today. Tossing around the idea if I can have the flu shot when I am feeling so crummy. They say you can't be sick. This came at me out of the blue. Mostly stomach and breathing problems. Love the fact you are seeing so many signs from Josh. We have had so many eagle sightings lately that I have lost count. They are such a magnificent bird.

Gretchen...hope your memorial was everything you had hoped it would be. I look forward to seeing pics if you are able to share them.

Brenda...hope the baby is improving.

Not much else happening here today. Decided to bake some teeny, tiny cookies for Sarah to share with her bears and dolls when having her tea parties. Will send along with her birthday gift in a day or so when I am feeling better. Weather still can't decide if it wants to clear up or not. Not actually cold, but damp and chilly. Unfortunately they are calling for rain tomorrow for Halloween. Stay safe everyone. Thinking of you...particularly those that have been affected by the storm.

Kate

[Vijayabanu]

Hi Brenda! My son Kiran 's name one of my cousin suggested that I shd memorialize the page so that the record will be kept permanent...no one can delete existing comments or photos..but can keep posting and commenting...adding photos.. I was also worried whether I ll stop my contact with my son even in fb...that is the lifeline for me now.. Then I wrote to the memorialize page in fb...googled it.. And they asked for some PROOF! Uff.. I had to send a link to the news paper item.. Now my son's page is always appearing...during the change over for a day or two I was not able to see his account.. Now it's alright... I keep adding photos..tag him from his friends albums... Keep writing to him... Hope this helps

Thanks Dee, I did start some medication tonight ,I sure hope it helps I have gotten to where I am snapping at everyone, I almost cant stand myself . I did have Great news Ryleigh got to go home today with her mommy, she got a little jaundiced but her breathing seemed to straighten out last night . I am so glad, her big brother is so in LOVE with his sister. he just keeps saying she is so pretty..lol . Thanks again Love Brenda

I read something on a web sight called Grieving Mothers.. someone posted that if Face book finds out your love one has passed they will take down their face book page . this is so upsetting to me , I talk to Brian's friends and to Brian on there they said they signed a petition and had sent it and they were trying to bring awareness to the media . I am worried .. I will feel like I lost Brian all over . they don't even tell you when they are going to do this,they said all it takes is 1 person to report that they have passed I just wanted to tell everyone who might be in the same boat and I hope that I am not starting something ,one lady even said they removed her memorial page she had for her child . if anyone knows something different please let me know.

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda-I replied to the post on Grieving Mothers because they memorialized Ashley's account 2 days after she died. I guess eventually it had to be done, but what bothered me was we weren't the ones who did it, somebody took it upon themselves to do it. Ashley had a quote we wanted to use at her service, but since her account was memorialized, we couldn't see everything on her page. One of her friends gave me the quote, and ironically, now that they've changed to timeline, we can see the quote. Her memorialized page is still there, but she does not show up on my friends list anymore. If they take down her page completely, I don't know what I'll do. I tried to keep the holidays as close as possible as before, for my daugher who is now 19. She loves traditions. It is sad on Christmas morning, because Ashley and Katie took turns opening their presents, now for the past 3 years, it's just been her. Always a hole in our hearts. Ashley was hospitalized in a coma o Christmas in 2009, but expected to live. We hung her stocking, and we've never taken it down. You just have to do whatever feels right for you. I hope the medication helps.

Lora-you mentioned you had relatives in Canton and Salem. I live in Alliance, which is right in the middle of those 2 cities. Small world.

I've been reading a lot but not posting. Watching the storm coverage, and praying for safety for all in the path. Just rainin here now, but north of us must have received a lot more wind than us.

Need to get ready for work.

Amy/Ashley's mom

Hi Amy, well I talked to my daughter in law about this well she wanted some things printed and asked me to do it , well I sat and looked at his page from when he was still here WRONG thing to do! I ended up with a melt down, I felt like it was the day it happen, I just do not understand how ones heart still works when it hurts so bad, but I did it to my self so no one to blame but me, anyway how do you memorialize someones page? I went to the help section and put that in and it didn't have a thing . this is probably a stupid question but I have never done that. and to be honest I am afraid to try it that I might do something wrong and cause his page to disappear. .. thanks so much for your help . Brenda

[Guest]

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[BrendaDup59]

Here Brenda is a link about this.

http://www.facebook....59046244166395/

Thanks Amy, now to talk to my daughter in law about what to do. Thanks again .

[daveydow1]

Kate----Hope that you are feeling better by now. I think that Sarah will

be delighted with the tiny 'doll-size' cookies you have baked. So nice

that you have been seeing the eagles in their lovely natural habitat.

Your Xmas light display in the yard must be a welcome sight to see

in the gloomy weather.

Brenda------I'm glad to hear that you didn't lose your electric power

during all this bad weather. Our electric stayed on....thank goodness.

Thanks for posting the pic of Jared with his cousins. They all look

so nice.

David-----Hope that you are getting some relief from your stomach flu.

That is hard to put up with, I know. Glad that you are seeing signs

sent to you by your dear son, Josh. Our dear sons & daughters let

us know that they are never far away from us.

Amy-----Good to see your post. When you mentioned the memorialize

pages, were you referring to Facebook ? I don't have a facebook acct.

anymore.....I used to, but I closed it. It would be sad if one had access

to their deceased child's Facebook account, and the administrators of

the site would just take it off if someone told them that the person had

died. I don't believe that David had a Facebook account ( not sure), but

I think that he would have mentioned it in conversations if he did have

one. Since he died in 2003, I think that might have been before the

Facebook accounts became so widespread.....or maybe they didn't exist

at that time.....not sure. Dave would have liked that site, for sure, and

most likely would have gotten an account when it became so popular.

I'm sorry that the upcoming holiday season brings back so much sorrow

for you, since sweet Ashley was hospitalized near Christmas. So many

hurdles to get through when our memories are stirred. Peace & comfort.

Dee----

I agree about how to handle the holidays.....decorating....festivities

etc. Each person must follow their own heart, and everyone is different

in what they can do or not do. Our observance of the holidays has toned

down considerably since Dave died. It was nice that Jon asked you to go

get a tree with him last year. As you say.....each year can be different, and

each year we might have to go in different directions as to how & what degree

we get into the holidays. No hard and fast rules to follow. It's dark, dreary,

rainy, 40 degrees here, but at least the wind is gone. We didn't get as bad

of wind as we thought we might get last night.....thank goodness. We didn't

lose our power.....so we're grateful for that.

PEACE AND PRAYERS FOR ALL INDIGOS, AND FOR THOSE IN THE

WAY OF THE TERRIBLE STORMS YESTERDAY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Guest]

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[mikesmomrs]

don't have time to read and do an actual post right now, but just wanted to let everyone know that we are safe and doing fine. Only lost our power for about 3-4 hours, and wind damage was mininal, thank God. Thank you everyone for your prayers for those us in the path of this storm. Will come back later tonight and read. love to you all.

[Sholl1955]

I am praying for everyone affected by the storms. It is good to see posts from those that are in the midst of it letting us know that they are ok.

Wishing all a quiet peaceful night.

Sandy

[rlolheiser]

My thoughts are with everybody who is affected by the terrible storm... just so sad. Hope that nobody else had to suffer and things bounce back faster than they think.

It was a tough day... 6 years ago... seems so long ago... but today the hurt was so hard. We had teachers conference... I kept busy all day.. but that 15 minutes waiting in front of the 5th grade door tore me up... all I could think of was JaBoa never got there... and here I was sitting for her sister... tears fell and people stared

Sena shared some pictures I found for her and shared stories of her sister with the class. the teacher was really touched... Mom.. she forgot.. I guess that is good... In fact most people forgot... Her mom didn't.. she called crying so bad... wonder if things ever get better..

Love to all... Lots of LOVE to the angels... take care everybody.

[ericasmom]

Leah, so sad that it is six years, so sad. May you know the love of JaBoa for all of time, let her spirit guide you into goodness and happy days. I know that the sadness is huge, but oh the joy of that Girl.

Peace Sweetie

JaBoa

JaBoa

JaBoa

fly freely and touch on those that love and hold you close. Let them know that you are near.

[Angel'sSon]

Good evening BI family from Tucson!! Banu your son is so beautiful...full of light. Kate and Susan, the grandbaby pictures are SOOOO precious!! I think I posted on here about my son Josh sending me predator animals... like the hawk I saw about a month ago or less on my morning walk. Well, since then, two people with no knowledge of Josh or my loss, have given me cards, last week a bobcat, and this week when I arrived for work this morning, a hawk. Mysterious Universe, mysterious mystical ways our children become our beacons on this journey. I am grateful. Kate, I have been battling a stomach flu, think I'm on the edge of better. Sending healing energy up North. Love to all, David

David, when I look at pictures on different profiles it gives me a little peace, maybe because all my life I love pictures. I have tons on my FB profile. Today hasn't been a good day, actually worse than others if that's possible!!! Anyway, please post pic. of Josh when you can....Hugzzz

[mikesmomrs]

Leah... I am so sorry I missed sweet JaBoa's angel date. My heart is with you, and my prayers include all of you. I hope that you felt her around you, as I am sure she always is.

JaBOA...JaBoa...JaBoa...such a beautiful name for a beautiful angel. Surround your sweet grandma with your spirit, brush her cheek with your wings. We celebrate the life that you lived, the memories that you left.

[BrendaDup59]

My thoughts are with everybody who is affected by the terrible storm... just so sad. Hope that nobody else had to suffer and things bounce back faster than they think.

It was a tough day... 6 years ago... seems so long ago... but today the hurt was so hard. We had teachers conference... I kept busy all day.. but that 15 minutes waiting in front of the 5th grade door tore me up... all I could think of was JaBoa never got there... and here I was sitting for her sister... tears fell and people stared

Sena shared some pictures I found for her and shared stories of her sister with the class. the teacher was really touched... Mom.. she forgot.. I guess that is good... In fact most people forgot... Her mom didn't.. she called crying so bad... wonder if things ever get better..

Love to all... Lots of LOVE to the angels... take care everybody.

Thinking about you, what a beautiful young lady ... Love Brenda

[Angel'sSon]

all i can say is god help me

[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

carol, so glad that you and the family are fine. what an aftermath to that storm. Hope Kathy is fine out on Long Island. I think that is where she is.

It is Halloween, for some of y ou, it is the first holiday of sorts woithout your Baby. Hang on. My first Halloween without ERi was bittersweet. I do believe she played some tricks on me. She loved, LOVED Halloween. Today while driving to school my favorite radio station was saying what year they would be featuring today, they have been celebrating forty years of radio. SO today sure enough, they are featuring 1984, the year eri was born. SHe must be smiling and perhaps she had her hand in this, loving this day so much. I am going as strega nona, the italian witch grandmom. And old folktale.

Love to All,

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, it sounds as if today is going to be fun. Love your costume. Hope you have pics to share later. Enjoy!

Carol, so glad you made it through the storm without too much trouble.

Susan, hang in there. We do care and are thinking about you. One day at a time.

Leah, so sorry that I missed JaBoa's angel date. I have been thinking of you lately and hoping you are doing alright. Sorry about the parent teacher meetings causing so much anxiety. I totally can relate to your feelings.

Lora, glad to see that Saturday will be a good one for you.

Sherry.... Yes, my husband loves his weekend tinkering around the place. I snuck out and managed to unplug the Xmas lights for now. I had set up a very simple group of small white lights on the deck and a few shrubs and trees in front of the house. For now...it is just fine. Seems too early for Christmas lights. It does help to cheer the place up as it is very dark otherwise.

It is another gloomy day and yet it is promising to clear up. The temp is warm for us. Maybe it will turn out to be a good evening after all for the kids. Can't wait to see pics of my grandies in Calgary. Sarah is going out as a strawberry and the youngest who just turned one is going to be a bumble bee. Can't wait to see them at Christmas time.

Take care everyone. I know the thought of the upcoming holidays has everyone tense and depressed. Here's hoping we all get through it okay.

Kate

[daveydow1]

JABOA......JABOA.....JABOA.....SWEET ANGEL IN HEAVEN.

Leah......Thinking of you today....your little love, Jaboa's, day.

Lora----Oh....heated beds for the cats....that's just so nice!!. I wish

I had done that for my old cat Brownie...especially when she got

older and had more health problems. I really didn't know that they

sold these types of beds....although I should have known. Your

kitties must really be glad they have you for their owner. I love

kitties, but haven't gotten another one since Brownie had to be

put to sleep about a year ago. Still miss her. Pets are so comforting

and calming. I, so, agree about Christmas being so very over-the-top

commercially. It must be very difficult working in retail at the

Christmas season. I always try to be very nice to the personnel

because it must be so tiring being on your feet so long, and having

to put up with the people who are rude and thoughtless.

Kate-----

Your white lights sound so very nice. They will twinkle and

brighten up the gloomy weather days.

Susan-----Hang on, friend. I'm thinking about you and sending prayers.

Dee-----

Eri must have sent you the music of 1984 on the radio to remind

you of when she was a tiny new bundle in a pink blanket. Music can

always bring back so many memories. There's one song out of the

80's that always reminds me of Davey,....by a group called "Crowded House"

(I believe). I think the song was 'Don't Dream It's Over'. Always brings a

few tears when I hear it. Do you know the one I mean ?

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[aim630]

Sweet JaBoa-I love that picture of her. Sorry I missed her day, Leah. How sweet of Sena to share her sister with the class.

Susan-Just hang in there. This is the hardest thing a parent can go through. Just get through this day, then the next. Your granddaughter is adorable and she needs you to tell her all about her daddy when she is older. We all care.

Carol-Glad you made it through the storm. Has anyone heard from Kathy?

Dee-I bet the kids loved your costume. Glad Eri sent you a sign today (1984) to let you know she's there!

Brenda-Were you able to get your son's Facebook account memorialized?

Trick or treating was rescheduled for Saturday due to the cold and rain. Halloween 2009 was about the last time things were "normal" for us. Ashley got sick about a week later. It will always be bittersweet for us.

My 13 1/2 yr old golden retriever won't eat her dog food anymore, and is vomiting. She still eagerly eats chicken and ground beef, but I know it won't be much longer. Her back legs are weak. Everytime Katie goes back to college, she tells Abby not to die while she's gone. I hope the dog can hang on until Thanksgivng or Christmas. After Ashley came out of her coma, I was talking about Abby, and she mouthed (because she was on the ventilator) Abby's going to die! I still remember how serious she said that, and her big brown eyes. Little did I know a month after that Ashley would be gone, but 3 yrs later the dog's still here. It still will be sad, although we've all been through the ultimate sadness.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Jeff's Mom]

Hang in there everyone. I have been sitting here for an hour with not one kid coming to our door. Word is out it is haunted since our son took his life here. I can understand the kids...but what about the parents? Guess we will be tucking into some chocolate. To tell the truth...it disgusts me. I'd move tomorrow if I could. Just about to watch X-Factor. Hope he does haunt them!!!

[ericasmom]

Sherry, love the song you mentioned, I can see why that song will bring so much to the surface for you. 1984 played through the day and brought me a good sense of my Girl.

Amy, sorry the dog is in poor health, but boy, she has lived a nice life with good people loving here. Yep, the old normal brings back some good memories indeed, and it is bittersweet.Yes, I do think Erz helped that along today, to play the very music that she was born to.

Susan, hang on, one minute at a time. They will one day add up to many months and you will notice the progress in your new life. I am not saying that it will be okay, I am saying progress. Hang on.

[ericasmom]

Oh Kate, I am sorry, I just saw your post. Is that why folks don't come? I would come Kate and ring your bell and welcome the sense of your Jeff all around us. I am a virtual tricker-treater. Strega Nona at the door.

[Jeff's Mom]

Sorry, Dee...I am just so hurt. This is the reality of suicide. And so please, listen to me everyone that is contemplating making this move... this move that I have been reading about both here and on other forums...IT HURTS THE PEOPLE LEFT BEHIND! The rumours are horrible.Look at us? This could be your family. DON'T DO IT! They will be shunned by your actions. I am fine. Honestly I am. So use me as an example. Please Choose life!

[ericasmom]

I understand your hurt Kate, and I am glad for your message. Today, in our local newspaper I read that a local boy who went to the same high school as my kids, killed himself last week. He went to the middle east as soldier and returned and killed himself. HE was 24. Now his family has to work through all the many questions and heartaches of this loss. Yes, your message is important Kate, choose life.

[aim630]

Oh Kate, I am so sorry. Sometimes people can be so stupid and cruel. Count me in as a virtual trick or treater!

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks, I appreciate your support. We have not had one person come to the door. That is ok. It honestly is. I am about to turn the lights out. I'm planning to take the candy to a family that has foster kids. They will be happy to have it. Tomorrow I am going to post a short blurb out of a local weekly small paper in our area about a young man dying of a brain tumour. His will to live his life fully until the end is just so uplifting and totally heartwarming. It gives us all a reason to pause and reflect on the sanctity of life.

Jeff respected life. He died due to depression which is a valid health issue. When will people wake up to that?

[Sholl1955]

Kate, I am so sorry that people are behaving so badly. Adults should know better and I know it has to hurt. You are in my thoughts, and I am sure the candy will be very much appreciated by the recipients.

I have been reading for a few days of the signs many of you get from your loved ones. I do believe that my Sarah needs some lessons in sending me signs, so the next time you talk to your child would you ask them to talk to her. She will be one of the beautiful ones with a bright smile and tender heart. Of course maybe her mama just needs to know what to look for.

Wishing a restfilled night for all.

Sandy

[tantraman8]

Kate,

A MAJOR GRRRRRRRR coming from Tucson!! And, count me in the family of trick or treaters who would honor BOTH you and Jeff, (and the lights hanger too!!). I don't get it. Even my coworkers and friends who have NOT lost a child have been nothing but compassionate with me.

I literally wish we could all teleport to your doorstep.

Feeling a little bit lonely tonight. Hard doing life without a partner, not that I'm under the illusion that being in a relationship would be a panacea, but it sure would be nice to have someone under my roof who loved and supported me. Funny thing is lately I've been vacillating between feeling incredibly cared for by the Universe, and like I could easily fall apart.

For all of you BI people who don't know, my son Josh died of an accidental overdose. He had previously had six years of sobriety, helped a lot of people in AA and NA, relapsed for two years, went away to treatment, had four months of sobriety, relapsed again for two weeks culminating in his death on April 25th.

What all of you don't know, is that I have a second son Gregg, who is also chemically dependent. When I got the call from Ohio in April, I thought something bad had happened to Gregg. He has not had a solid year of sobriety since high school, and I've half expected to hear that he had died. Since then, he's been in treatment, left and claims to be back in recovery. But one hard piece of spiritual work for me is not letting fear around him dying rule my life.

I have two daughters and eight grandchildren, a wonderful best friend, a job that I love where I make a difference, other friends who love and care about me, and a humble casita with a beautiful view of the mountains. I believe I am spiritually called to create a joyful, peaceful, and more connected to other humans life.

AND, I don't know if I could survive the loss of a second child. SOOOOO, please prayers for me and Gregg. He has a sweet heart and, his addict thinking has sabotaged every beginning of recovery he has attempted so far.

Dee,

Loved hearing about Eri and the 1984 music. I keep getting signs from Josh AND, it's wonderful for me to hear when another child reaches through the veil.

[Guest]

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[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks to everyone, for your kind thoughts and support. It is really appreciated more then you can ever know.

I had mentioned last evening of a young man featured in an article in our local little weekly paper. I would like to share with you a little bit of what was written. Not sure why. Just an amazing story of an amazing young man. Thought some may find it uplifting.

The diagnosis came three years ago. He has Oligio Astro Cytoma, Mixed grade 3. To the layman these are cancerous tumours on both sides of his brain. The largest being the size of a tennis ball. He was given three to five years to live. Completely inoperable or untreatable.He is now in his late twenties. When asked how he deals with his situation he spoke candidly and honestly.

"To me to maintain a positive attitude is to maintain happiness regarding what is happening," "Being sad all the timne leads to depression and so forth. For me it's important to be positive, I want happiness in my life and to be able to enjoy my time here on earth, that is my goal."

And so he proceeded to make a bucket list of things he wanted to do. He proceeded to follow through with them. "I don't think my list will ever be finished especially since I keep adding to it". He has become an active advocate in the fight against cancer. He gives freely of his valuable time. His simple purpose is to help others. He is an inspiration to all. Recently he was told he has approximately six months to live. The battle is winning over his body, but not winning his spirit.

Here's the itinerary of his life in the past two years. He's travelled to Europe, visited Germany's Black Forest and paddled a gondola in Venice. He's gone swimming in the Carribbean Sea, fished in the oceans, sky dived in Las Vegas, travelled across Canada and played hockey in Quebec. He has followed his fave bands to watch them perform across North America. Surfed in the Pacific, became an avid hunter and angler and has just returned from vacation in San Francisco/Oakland area watching baseball games. He will be immortalized by an appearance in The Gordie Howe movie being shot in our province.Will he live long enough to complete that list? Unlikely. His days are quickly running out. But one thing is clear...his will to live the time he has to the fullest is an inspiration to us all. He leaves us a true legacy of hope.

"I tell people to appreciate the time they have with life, there is no guarantee for anyone. I want people to set their goals and make the best decisions in life. We're all lucky to be alive, so let's appreciate the chances we have". Can there be a more profound legacy?

[BrendaDup59]

Thanks to everyone, for your kind thoughts and support. It is really appreciated more then you can ever know.

I had mentioned last evening of a young man featured in an article in our local little weekly paper. I would like to share with you a little bit of what was written. Not sure why. Just an amazing story of an amazing young man. Thought some may find it uplifting.

The diagnosis came three years ago. He has Oligio Astro Cytoma, Mixed grade 3. To the layman these are cancerous tumours on both sides of his brain. The largest being the size of a tennis ball. He was given three to five years to live. Completely inoperable or untreatable.He is now in his late twenties. When asked how he deals with his situation he spoke candidly and honestly.

"To me to maintain a positive attitude is to maintain happiness regarding what is happening," "Being sad all the timne leads to depression and so forth. For me it's important to be positive, I want happiness in my life and to be able to enjoy my time here on earth, that is my goal."

And so he proceeded to make a bucket list of things he wanted to do. He proceeded to follow through with them. "I don't think my list will ever be finished especially since I keep adding to it". He has become an active advocate in the fight against cancer. He gives freely of his valuable time. His simple purpose is to help others. He is an inspiration to all. Recently he was told he has approximately six months to live. The battle is winning over his body, but not winning his spirit.

Here's the itinerary of his life in the past two years. He's travelled to Europe, visited Germany's Black Forest and paddled a gondola in Venice. He's gone swimming in the Carribbean Sea, fished in the oceans, sky dived in Las Vegas, travelled across Canada and played hockey in Quebec. He has followed his fave bands to watch them perform across North America. Surfed in the Pacific, became an avid hunter and angler and has just returned from vacation in San Francisco/Oakland area watching baseball games. He will be immortalized by an appearance in The Gordie Howe movie being shot in our province.Will he live long enough to complete that list? Unlikely. His days are quickly running out. But one thing is clear...his will to live the time he has to the fullest is an inspiration to us all. He leaves us a true legacy of hope.

"I tell people to appreciate the time they have with life, there is no guarantee for anyone. I want people to set their goals and make the best decisions in life. We're all lucky to be alive, so let's appreciate the chances we have". Can there be a more profound legacy?

Kate, what a beautiful story , I wish more people appreciated who and what they have in their life, sadly they don't .

I felt bad for how people treated you last night but I loved your outlook on it. we went to see my niece's baby and let Kaleb trick or treat with her 5 year old, she is such a beautiful baby and so tiny.

my daughter in law posted a picture of them at Brian's grave , I fought crying all day but when I saw that it hit me , I could not stop the flood of tears , I will be so glad when the holidays are over with . We hope to get a marker /headstone for Brian's grave in the spring. I hate that there isn't one there.

anyway thanks for posting the wonderful story . Take Care Love Brenda

[BrendaDup59]

I thought I would post a few pictures of Ryleigh and the one my daughter in law posted of them at my sons grave they all dressed up and took a pumpkin , I had tried all day to stay busy but the minute I sat down I would start to cry well I could not stop when I saw the picture of them .I will be so glad when the holidays are over with I use to look forward to decorating and now all I want to do is get through it. Losing Brian has just left this huge hole in my heart . Brett still chooses to not call or come around and it hurts but I cant change him .

I still have to talk to my DL about memorializing Brian's face book page . before something happens to it. Take Care Brenda

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I get totally lost in the art program, and Jared....

This one is Jasmine, his older sister,

pointing up to him and saying,

"I knew you were watching over me"!!

[andy88]

Hello Friends,

I'm super excited because Diane, Karen, and I are going to meet for lunch on Sunday! Our first meeting of each other. I feel like I already know them, of course, for reasons you all understand.

Becky, I absolutely love that painting! :-)

Brenda, wonderful pictures

I sadly welcome all the new parents of angels, and I hope everyone is finding a little joy each day. I was just thinking about some of the "old-timers" like Dee and Colleen, and I realized I am now one of the old-timers. Gosh I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since Andy went to heaven.

If I can offer a ray of hope to those who are so new to this awful journey, I would like to tell you all that I am doing so so so much better than I was 18 months ago. I miss my Andy every day, still cry most days, and I love him forever. I am also learning that even after losing my only child, life can still hold purpose and happy times. I carry him with me always, and I have come to believe that he is joyful beyond anything I can imagine. Knowing that gives me the will to try to thrive and live life as joyfully as possible until we are reunited. There is hope ahead, I want you to know that. Take care dear angel parents!

p.s.: Here's a fun Halloween picture of my Andy when he was 16, I believe.

Love,

Pam

[Jeff's Mom]

Hello Friends,

I'm super excited because Diane, Karen, and I are going to meet for lunch on Sunday! Our first meeting of each other. I feel like I already know them, of course, for reasons you all understand.

Becky, I absolutely love that painting! :-)

Brenda, wonderful pictures

I sadly welcome all the new parents of angels, and I hope everyone is finding a little joy each day. I was just thinking about some of the "old-timers" like Dee and Colleen, and I realized I am now one of the old-timers. Gosh I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since Andy went to heaven.

If I can offer a ray of hope to those who are so new to this awful journey, I would like to tell you all that I am doing so so so much better than I was 18 months ago. I miss my Andy every day, still cry most days, and I love him forever. I am also learning that even after losing my only child, life can still hold purpose and happy times. I carry him with me always, and I have come to believe that he is joyful beyond anything I can imagine. Knowing that gives me the will to try to thrive and live life as joyfully as possible until we are reunited. There is hope ahead, I want you to know that. Take care dear angel parents!

p.s.: Here's a fun Halloween picture of my Andy when he was 16, I believe.

Love,

Pam

Pam, that is good news. It helps to give encouragement to those who are new to this journey. They will be able to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. That we never leave our kids behind but continue along this journey holding them close in our hearts. Have a good time on Sunday.

[ericasmom]

Just Breathe from Pearl Jam---to those new to this hurt, this song may encourage your tears, letting them run free making space for more another time.

Kate, the story of the young man with brain cancer makes me look to him with awe and hope. I think that I can take his words with me when I am unable to see clearly...thanks.

Pam, you are a voice of inspiration for those newer to this path. Hearing from one just in front of them with words of encouragement is a great gift. I am so glad to know that you have noticed a marked difference in how life is today as opposed to 18months ago. Hooray.

Sandy, Sarah is probably sending some signs that are less obvious, she will pick up on this and send more I am sure. I asked Erz to help in that area. Have there been any lights or electronic occurrences? What about songs that suddenly come on the radio that were songs that Sarah loved? Birds gathering nearby?

Cara, yes, exhausted is a word I would use and even more so today.Yep, Eri's signs are so appreciated indeed. About a month and a half after Erz died, I was walking through the local forest preserve. I felt something happening to the top of my head. I looked up, and felt pure peace entering my head, filtering through my whole self. It was as if it was being poured into me, Erica was letting me feel her peace. This was understood while it was happening and has sustained my soul since. She let me feel her peace and after that I could never wonder why she died, only how to live here without her physical presence. I miss her everyday, but I know in my deepest parts that she is more than fine.

[ericasmom]

Great pictures of the little beauty Brenda, and of course lovely to see Brian's sweeties.

Pam, how cool that you are meeting up with some of our buddies from this place. Give them hugs from me please and enjoy your meeting. Peace.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Couldn't sleep.....

[ericasmom]

He will always remain with you in all of your thoughts and love Becky. He is secure in your love. Peace.

[Guest]

.

[shorty16]

Hello my dear friends,

I just stopped by to say hello. Last weekend, Scott and I went to Las Vegas and visited with Marcia and Larry. They lost Bethany several months after my Brian died.

It was a nice visit and all is well with their adoption of a 1 year old girl - Ellie.

It is getting much colder here in Wisconsin, I am trying to get used to the reduced light.

I like the talk about not wanting to be sad/mad all the time. That is the beginning of healing. The beginning of finding happiness in different places.

I think of all of you often

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[kmb22]

"I loved the boy with the utmost love of which my soul is capable; and he is taken from me—yet in the agony of my spirit in surrendering such a treasure I feel a thousand times richer than if I had never possessed it.” ~ William Wordsworth (written after the loss of his son)

[daveydow1]

David-----Sending prayers for you and your son Gregg.

Karen---Good to see your post, and Shawn's nice smile.

Becky----Lovely pics for your dear son, JD. Thanks for posting.

JD will always be with you......the love goes on.

Colleen---So nice that you had a trip to Las Vegas, and a good

visit with Marcia & family. Great that they now have another

daughter to shower with love. They will always have sweet

Bethany in their hearts & souls.

Dee----Thanks for the Pearl Jam music. They were my daughter,

Becky's, absolute favorite. She went to a few of their concerts.

The Crowded House song was so popular when Dave was 16,

and he loved the song too. ERi's visit with you in the nature preserve

was one of her many ways to send love to you. We ,so, treasure

those wonderful signs when we get them.

Brenda----Yes,....I agree. The holidays can be so overwhelmingly

sad after a beloved child is not with us anymore. Try to find a

way to 'do' the holidays that will put the least amount of stress on

yourself. I found out, after Dave's death....and Lisa's also....that

I did not have to do all the things that I used to do. We don't have

the energy or the enthusiasm that we had before. So, scaling down

a bit, and doing what we can do without a lot of anxiety or stress

is ok. Of course there's no way we can ever not acutely miss the

children who left this world too soon. It is ok to just do what we are

able. Peace to you. Thanks for the pics.

Kate-----So sorry for your trick-or-treat disappointment. Thanks for

the inspiring story of the young man. Bless him.

Lora-----It gives me....(a long-time cat lover)...a warm feeling to know

that your kitties have nice warm beds. The older one , especially, must

really appreciate the coziness of his/her own bed. I know what you

mean about cats needing their very own beds......they aren't always

into 'sharing'.

Amy-----Oh,....so sorry your dog, Abbey, is sick. I sure know what you

mean about the sorrow of seeing a pet being ill, and facing the inevitable

end. I hope she is able to hang on longer. Sometimes pets will surprise us.

My kitty, Brownie, held on for some time after she began to get sick,...before

she had to be put to sleep.

PEACE AND PRAYERS FOR ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[mysonrich]

Hello everyone, It has been at least 2 months since me and Rich stopped in . I try to read and keep up at the end of the day. I've been busy with a new job, new city, new everything and feeling out of sorts because I feel out of place. Well, I am I guess.

I didn't want Leah to think I forgot sweet JaBoa !! Jaboa !! Jaboa !! I think of you both often .

I did have a enjoyable time when Karen drove into town. My first visitor. We talked,looked at pictures, contemplated life as we know it now,we drove around town, had a little Mexican food,and she checked out my rental home for me. I'm not buying it but she was very nice and gave it the professional once over.

My daughter, Sarah, is safe in NYC.Power on but no public transportation,work closed. Betty is safe .Last I heard no power but in good hands. Carol is safe. Kathy, Jessica's mom and Tavians grandma, safe but no power. As far as I know my friends and relatives are all safe in NEw Jersey and Pennsylvania in various states of with and with-out. I'm sure everyone has viewed the pictures of the damage. I've mentioned before of my love of the Jersey Beach and coastal area. My family. MY Sarah and Rich. My memories of our times there. It will be back. Not as before. But it will be back.

I wanted you all to know that I enjoy the pictures. The art work. The memorials in the making.

This election and inauguration are a hard time for me. Rich died on January 18,2009.Election year. Two days after Rich died,inaugural address. Waiting for the cause of death to be reported and me, thinking it was delayed because of the holiday and inauguration. 4 months later the letter arrived in the mail. He died and there was no explaining it, no accepting it. I don't think I ever will but I have to learn to live with it. And that is something that will take our lifetime. as many have said before me, the path we have walked and continue to walk will not always be so rough.

I'll try to stop in again soon.

[ericasmom]

Betsy, so good to hear from you tonight. I know that the devastation in NJ and surrounding area must pull at your heart strings. Thanks so much for reporting out on everyone in the general area, knowing that all of our friends are safe goes a long way to feeling some ease in worry. I pray for those struggling with lack of water and food and access to the everyday things we take for granted. Prayers that the electricity is on for everyone soon. It takes such fortitude to struggle through a tragedy of such proportion. They will do it I know, though the cost of it will be huge, most especially the cost in lives. Which job did you end up taking Betsy? Are you feeling good about the move?

Karen so good to know that you and Betsy visited and that now you are with Diane. Please give her a hug and when you see Pam, give her one as well. You are a brave traveler, something I have never been. Have a wonderful visit.

Sherry, yes, I am quite sure that those early in grief signs helped me to find my way through those darkest days. Hey today a big hawk sat upon our garage roof. I was amazed and then he flew to a fence post and sat there for some time. We have hawks over the forests and I know of a group of 3 near my school which is an urban/suburban area. But I have never had one right here in our yard. She or He was lovely. I am still unsure as to what kind though red tails are most prevalent here, it may have been a coopers. I will look up some hawks and let you know.

Col, yep, getting colder here too. HOw nice that you two went to see Marcia and Larry. I am happy that they are enjoying their little one. Did you have a wonderful time?

[kmb22]

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