Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Greg, just want you to know that I listened to that Fogerberg song again and feel it is in me now. I do not recall it from the old days, but sure do love it and know I would have loved it then as well. Thanks again.

David, life as we once knew it is not here, but remnants are, all else is new material. We form it all into a ball like a sculptor with clay, and begin to make marks and changes into the ball. The ball begins to change. Some days we don't like it can't accept it, and roll it back up, eliminating the changes until one day, we begin again. Slow movements into a new shape, new hobbies and new hopes. This six month mark is a big mark of time. I remember the six month mark very clearly and that was almost 9 years ago. Turn and let yourself take a short backward glance to see the steps you've taken to get to today. You will see the hard work you have put forth. Hang on David.

Lora, hate that the mornings are not as safe as they were...with so much in the news this week alone, I certainly am even more watchful in my neighborhood during my early morning walks. I live where there are sidewalks and feel relatively secure, there are neighbors walking dogs and such when I go out, but again, there have been incidences of not-good-people- in every area so there is no place immune. Bears? That is a whole other story. I would be rather terrified, while I am a nature lover, I sure would not like to happen on a bear. Is it the time of year that brings them closer, looking for food?

Kate, sorry that you had rain at the marsh, but glad that you spent the day with others that share an interest that connects you to them. I'd be right there with you ladies bird watching.

Sherry, enjoy the drive, you will likely enjoy our weather tomorrow, but right now as we speak the 70 degrees that we had at 6:00pm, which by the way is quite warm for us this time of year, is now down to 50. It may go down to 38 and as I told my third grade students today, pack your shorts and sandals away, autumn is here. The wind and rain has now knocked most leaves down. Have a nice day out under the colors that have certainly amazed me this year.

Banu, thanks for sharing the music. That song is one that made me cry when it first came out many many years ago. So deeply sad when his own son died when he fell out a window. He knows what it is to grieve and the words to that song let us cry freely as it speaks our own broken hearts.

Everyone on the east coast, hang tight as Hurricane Sandy comes up the Atlantic seaboard. I have read that the conditions could be ripe for a perfect storm. Be careful.

[Sholl1955]

Just checking in to friends who understand. It has not been a good week for several reasons, Tonight I guess I am having a pity party. I didn't know there was a hurricane Sandy on the way, and while I don't feel like I have enough energy to stir anything up, I have cried enough tears in the past several days to fill the ocean on the East Coast. I am so tired tonight. Thanks for listening. Hopefully I will be able to be more positive the next time.

Sandy

[Sholl1955]

Just checking in to friends who understand. It has not been a good week for several reasons, Tonight I guess I am having a pity party. I didn't know there was a hurricane Sandy on the way, and while I don't feel like I have enough energy to stir anything up, I have cried enough tears in the past several days to fill the ocean on the East Coast. I am so tired tonight. Thanks for listening. Hopefully I will be able to be more positive the next time.

Sandy

[BrendaDup59]

I wanted to share some good news , The day we buried my son Brian in March my niece told me she was having a baby! so while we all lost someone so very precious, Today Ryleigh Brook Davis was born at 3.45 pm at 6 lbs 14 oz 19 inches long and looks like her mommy did when she was born. so she has an angel watching over her, it's nice to have a new little one to take some of the sadness away. I just wanted to share

[ericasmom]

BRENDA, congratulations on the new little one born to your niece. I know how that little bundle of love can help us find some of our pieces and fit them into our hearts. She is lovely, enjoy.

Sandy, time to take some time for yourself if you are able. That exhaustion is telling you something. Sleep deeply tonight if you can, and rest tomorrow when you are able. You are bound to have times when tears are the only way to be awake in a day, we have had those, you will not always feel like you have this week.

[mikesmomrs]

David...thinking of you today, Josh's sixth month. Sending you strength through prayers. Those of us here longer know that the six month mark is painful (aren't they all?) and we are beginning sometimes to come out of that initial stage of shock, so the pain is more present. I think that your visiting the kids is a good thing, for you and for them. I am also glad you are planning on coming to BI more often. It is a good place to be, though I wish it never had a reason to exist.

Becky: Yes, you poem seems "heaven sent." I often just come to the keyboard and start typing (though I must admit, I've never been fortunate enough to have anything I type rhyme). That is how I wrote my husband's eulogy and how I wrote the story of his military honors funeral. Your writings and other creative works are just incredible. Thank you so much for sharing it all.

Rhonda: Good to see you. Yes, the broken pieces do eventually come together some, but they never do fit in the right places or ways again. Claudia, who used to post here, wrote something one time that I have held onto...and I must say, that I believe she would still feel the same way, after six years: “I have a strong faith that guides me and in that I find many, many blessings. Yet still, there is no blessing with the perfect shape to patch the hole in my heart." I believe as she did and I am sure still does, that the hole will always be there. We try to fill it up with other things in our lives...the love of our husband, our other children if we have them, our grandies if we have them, but that patch is never matched again. We take on a new path, but we keep the old "map" within us.

Lora: I too am sorry that there are such circumstances that prevent you from taking a walk, but I also agree that you were wise to curtail it under the circumstances. Can you find a later time in the day to walk, when you have daylight for the whole walk time? I love the picture that you posted of where you walk. It does look peaceful, but also kind of off by itself. It is good to be cautious.

Sherry: I hope that you and hubby enjoyed your drive. We are having a few warm days coming up, also, but then followed by an onslaught possibly (likely, I hear) from this hurricane roaring up the atlantic. We'll see, I guess. I loved the pic of the waterlillies...I've never seen such a profusion of them. Really beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

Susan: I hope that the days are being at least a little kinder to you. You know that we are all here for you, and I hope you can find strength here. As others have said, the drinking likely is not helping you to move through this grief, and that is what we must do, albeit at our own pace. We are with you, sending strength. As Sherry said, Dustin is with you, always. I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's cancer, and I will keep her in my prayers.

Kate: I am sorry you got rain on your outing on Tuesday. Sounds like any "Indian Summer" may have already traveled through your area. There must be a lot of people already left for the warmer climes.

Leah: I was so glad to see your post and hear that things seem to be going a little better for you. I hope that our mom's health is remaining fairly steady, though I know that with many health problems it can be a roller coaster ride for the caregiver. Please remember to be a caregiver to yourself, as well, whenever you can. Good luck with your little grandson. He is blessed to have you there in his corner for him.

Banu: I have a memorial site for my son, and on the page that is dedicated to his children, I have included that song, "One more day." Here, six years later, tears still fall when I click on their page and that song begins. I am so sorry for your pain.

Gretchen: Thinking of you. Good luck with the memorial. It looks like it is really going to be beautiful.

Dee: Nice that you got to take a walk with Shannon. My "mini" hiking trip with Kim a while back was enjoyable. The weather was beautiful and the river was flowing really well, leading to the falls, which were just nice to watch. I hope you are doing well. Hard to believe we are two months into the school year. Damon loves his second grade (second grade!!!) teacher. He has no problems with any bullies this year...I guess they "put their foot down" and imposed some consequences and they are behaving better this year, thankfully. He is a happy little boy. I haven't seen him much since Ralph passed, but I hope to see him next week and maybe get back into the routine of having him one day a week after school. I saw him last Saturday for a bit when we had to go and pick up him and his mom due to car trouble. He is still very generous with his hugs and still lets me shower his face with kisses. I will post a pick. He has gotten SO tall. Don't know if I mentiond it before or not, but Kameron, Mike's middle boy, is now over 6 feet tall. He has surpassed his brother, Chandler, by more than an inch and a half.

Sandy: I hope the job interview went well. I am sorry that your sil hasn't bothered with the marker for Sarah's site. I hope that he gets started on it sometime soon. We had not had one for young Mike for a while because he had been cremated, but his wife and I put the suggestion out for a marker and we finally got it all together. I understand what you mean about the marker of fall being a burden this year. I am so sorry. My husband and I took a wonderful trip last fall, beginning in October and we got home the end of the first week in November. We had such a wonderful time, and each day now I relive the events of this particular day one year ago and usually end up in tears, though find comfort in the memories, as well. I am sorry that your daughter had so much pain. It is difficult when we can't do anything to stop it and make them better. So difficult.

Brenda: Love the pictures of the squirrel...so cute and so right on target with having his "eyes covered." I love all the pics that you post. You take really good pics. We have a few here on BI that are great at photography and I am glad when they share their talents. Congrats on the new precious little life..so, so sweet.

Yesterday, I had to perform another of those "remove him from this life" acts, where I had to take my husband's license plates off our car. They are Veteran's plates, and I can't continue using them. When I held them in my hand, tears just came down. Kim put on the new one, which is a temporary tag til I get the real one that will read "2Mikes" in honor of both my husband and son. After we had changed the plate, we had to go to town and on the way, I was really feeling the pain of having taken that plate off and the reminder of all that is happening now, the huge changes in my life and my missing my husband so much. As I drove to town, I thought out loud "Well, hon, I haven't seen much of you lately, for sure. Maybe you could come up with something? Dare I ask for a license plate?" I had to cross an intersection just as I said that, and a white pick up truck was coming towards me. He had to swerve away from his side, toward me, due to something on the street, and I looked down to see if he was going to clear the side of my car. In the process, I saw his license plate. It read "MICHAEL." My husband's name at work was Ralph, but to family he was "Mike" and he always signed all of his cards and letters to me "MICHAEL" because he knew that was my favorite form of his name. Tears of comfort and sorrow mixed together on my cheeks. Thank you, my love. Thank you, God.

Sending love to all of my Indigo family tonight. Kim is going home on Sunday. I will miss her terribly. It will be another huge adjustment and another start to doing things differently yet again. I have been so blessed to have her here this long, and for that I am so very thankful.

This is a picture of Damon with me on Saturday...he is such a love. the other is a picture of the sky taken as we were leaving the parking lot after leaving him and his mom at her car. Such a beautiful sky, caught at just the right moment.

[Vijayabanu]

Check out this video on YouTube:

Listening to these songs brings me closer to my son....pl do listen

[Vijayabanu]

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151076521222406&set=a.10151076521197406.433880.711012405&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-ash4%2F466054_10151076521222406_1064116527_o.jpg&smallsrc=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-ash3%2F545408_10151076521222406_1064116527_n.jpg&size=1350%2C900

This my beautiful son Kiru....love u darling .....mom will keep loving u..

[JD's Mom, Becky]

https://www.facebook...g&size=1350,900

This my beautiful son Kiru....love u darling .....mom will keep loving u..

He is a handsome young man. Hang in there Banu. (((Hugs)))

[ericasmom]

Becky, I meant to comment on your dream the other day, It seems t o me that your Boy was watching you as you try to fix what is wrong with the street, the cleaning up is your work trying to make others accountable, trying to get the roadway safe. There Jared was watching you, so proud of your hard work. I am proud of your hard work too.

[Vijayabanu]

He is a handsome young man. Hang in there Banu. (((Hugs)))

Yes Becky...just hanging by a thin thread..wishing it ll snap...it shd snap...so that I can go back and live with my son...eternally...hopefully

take care...((((hugs)))

[Guest]

.

[Vijayabanu]

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151063189127406&set=pb.711012405.-2207520000.1351269131&type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-ash4%2F376915_10151063189127406_1863147579_n.jpg&size=240%2C320

My angel son when he was young..

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Becky, I meant to comment on your dream the other day, It seems t o me that your Boy was watching you as you try to fix what is wrong with the street, the cleaning up is your work trying to make others accountable, trying to get the roadway safe. There Jared was watching you, so proud of your hard work. I am proud of your hard work too.

awww, I hope that is it! Things are at a standstill right now, waiting for the right elected officials to act as they have promised. This is such an uphill battle, but one that I believe we will win. Thank you so much for you insight and encouragement!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Lora wrote:

Dee, The bears are getting ready to hibernate so I think they are trying to get fatten up. I love animals but not sure I would want to be confronted with a momma bear and her two cubs. We all know how protective mothers can be, don’t we.

I do continue to walk at night but where I walk, it is a long distance between houses and street lights, mostly corn fields, so that made my decision very easy not to walk in the morning. I will walk on my treadmill in the mornings and continue to walk outside in the evenings.

Lora

OMG, Lora, PLEASE don't walk with those bears about, or wierd people either!!

Carol, I loved the pictures of Damon, he is really growing up! Thank you for continuing to be here for each of us. You are soo special! I loved the experience of the "Michael" tag, but really glad you are ok!!

Brenda, Love the pics of your niece's new babe, how precious!

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, what a lovely baby girl! I am so happy for all of you.

Sandy, hope the next few days are slightly better ones. Hang in there.

Carol, the story of the license plates was great! Hope things will be olay for you after KIm leaves for home. I love the new license plate on your vehicle. Great choice! Thank you for the picture of Damon. What a sweetie.

Lora, just be careful when you are out walking. We almost hit a family of raccoons crossing the road last night. They scurried across the road so quickly and when they came out of the ditch I could not believe how many there were.

Woke up this morning to a light dusting of snow on the ground. It is pretty chilly today. Seems as if winter has come early. Thinking of everyone and wishing you all a decent day.

Kate

[daveydow1]

Carol----We must enjoy the warm days while we can. Hope that

the hurricane doesn't hit the coast, but just goes out to sea.

The waterlilies are on a pond a few miles away. They didn't

bloom nearly as nice as last year when I took the pic. Good

thing I got the pics when I did. Thanks for posting your dear pics.

Brenda-----Congratulation to you and the family of the new little

angel......Ryleigh Brook. Beautiful baby. I bet everyone is just

so thrilled.

Lora-----Yep----it won't be long til we see the snow fly, no doubt.

Winter seem so long, although last year it was a mild one. I hear

conflicting reports about this winter......some say mild, some say

colder. Oh well.....can't do anything about the weather, can we?

Rhonda------

this Indian Summer is just so lovely, but of course it

is to change here this weekend. I did painting on my front porch today,

and by afternoon, I could feel the cooler air moving in. Glad you

are getting some nice days too.

Sandy-----Sending thoughts & prayers for your comfort.

Dee----Our drive was so very nice. Went to a town about 50 mi. away.

The leaves were mostly gone in that area, but the temperature was

a record-breaking 81 degrees. Stopped and had a nice supper on

the way home. Getting some wood in for the days ahead, as it is

to get colder......the same as your weather there in Chicago.

Banu----Thank you for the Celine Dione Music.

Kate------

I imagine your area will be colder a bit sooner than our

area since you are so far North of us. Time to get a good stock

of tea, and a few good books on hand. I spend a lot of time

reading in the winter months. I felt a real urgency to get the painting

done on our front porch today. I didn't get it all completed, but most

of it, and the rest will wait til nice days in late spring. Take care.

WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS

.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Angel'sSon]

I've had a rough last couple of days. I can't even post a lot right now. I can say this site saved my life and people keep posting. I'm making it one day at a time!!!! I usually post on all comments but I can't now. please have faith in this site!!!! Like I said, it saved my life!!!!!

[ericasmom]

Susan, that you feel there is help to your life here, is a big thing. You needn't post to each person, letting us all know you are hanging in is good, because we all care.

May it be a good weekend for all. The sun is shining here and it is in the high 30's.

Carol, I am so glad that Damon is having a great start to his school year. May it be for all of the Children.

[Guest]

..

[BrendaDup59]

Thank you everyone for your sweet comments on my niece's baby girl, please say a prayer , for some reason she keeps having rapid breathing episodes so they are keeping her in the NICU . she sure is precious. Thanks again thinking of you all this weekend , we are leaving to go to the show case of schools so we can decide what school to put Kaleb in next year. he will be in 6th.. Have as good a weekend as you can. Love Brenda

Pictures of Jen and Ryleigh

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you everyone for your sweet comments on my niece's baby girl, please say a prayer , for some reason she keeps having rapid breathing episodes so they are keeping her in the NICU . she sure is precious. Thanks again thinking of you all this weekend , we are leaving to go to the show case of schools so we can decide what school to put Kaleb in next year. he will be in 6th.. Have as good a weekend as you can. Love Brenda

Pictures of Jen and Ryleigh

Brenda...that baby is absolutely adorable! What a little cutie. Hope the breathing issues soon clear up.

Lora...hope your day was a decent one. Hopefully no more visits from Mr. Creepy!

Sherry, well, we woke up to approximately an inch of freshly fallen snow. I had to head into town this morning for an appt. The roads were like a skating rink. Needless to say driving was slow and dangerous. The sun is just now coming out and things are beginning to melt. They are calling for temps in the sngle digits for the week. I have a feeling Halloween is going to be a non event this year around here. Funny that you mentioned tea and reading. I have just finished a warm soothing cup of mint tea and stopped into the Library to stock up on some good books. Hope the weather holds out for another few weeks for you.

Carol, thinking of you today. Was it today or tomorrow that Kim leaves to go home?

Susan, I am truly pleased to see that you are feeling a degree of comfort and friendship with your friends here at BI. How is your daughter doing? Any more pics of your precious grandaughter?

Well, I'm off. Hubby is attempting his usual Saturday around the house odd job stuff. A carpenter he is not!!!! Lord, give me strength. Thinking of everyone.

Kate

[Angel'sSon]

Brenda...that baby is absolutely adorable! What a little cutie. Hope the breathing issues soon clear up.

Lora...hope your day was a decent one. Hopefully no more visits from Mr. Creepy!

Sherry, well, we woke up to approximately an inch of freshly fallen snow. I had to head into town this morning for an appt. The roads were like a skating rink. Needless to say driving was slow and dangerous. The sun is just now coming out and things are beginning to melt. They are calling for temps in the sngle digits for the week. I have a feeling Halloween is going to be a non event this year around here. Funny that you mentioned tea and reading. I have just finished a warm soothing cup of mint tea and stopped into the Library to stock up on some good books. Hope the weather holds out for another few weeks for you.

Carol, thinking of you today. Was it today or tomorrow that Kim leaves to go home?

Susan, I am truly pleased to see that you are feeling a degree of comfort and friendship with your friends here at BI. How is your daughter doing? Any more pics of your precious grandaughter?

Well, I'm off. Hubby is attempting his usual Saturday around the house odd job stuff. A carpenter he is not!!!! Lord, give me strength. Thinking of everyone.

Kate

Kate, my daughter is about the same. Just more treatments for cancer. I cannot lose her. I've been thinking about halloween and the 2 pumpkins that Dustin carved. He was so proud of those pumpkins. So it's starting to hit me hard. A holday to get thu. I will have pictures of Dustins baby girl on here soon. She is just a little over 10 months old and walking everywhere. It tears me apart cos she will walk and say DaDA and she has said no other words and my son isn't here to see her!!! I'm making it one day at a time!!!

[Angel'sSon]

A lot of you know that I lost my son in August, 2012. I've had a rough road like all of you on here. Being on this site helps. I was in trouble one night and just wanted to be with my son. I was on chat and it's a miracle how the cops found me and talked to me about my son and harming myself. So, If anyone has doubts about this site helping, it does. I've posted almost every day and like everyone else, I've had really bad days. I miss my son, he was my best friend! I have to hang on until my time comes to see him again!! I don't know when the grieving will be over, but I have to keep going for my family. My oldest daughter has cancer and they doubled her treatments. I'm facing a lot and I will still hang on!!! For the new ones here...we are all here for the same thing. Sad, but true!!! Please just keep posting as it will help you!!! I just had to let this out to all of you!!!! Goodnite until tomorrow...Susan Adding a picture of Dustin's baby girl walking at 10 1/2 months old. She is a little lion for Halloween!!!!

[ericasmom]

Going to try to post Kate's beautiful Grandgirl here, she sent me the photo to try to post...I am not always able so here we go-----

[ericasmom]

Hooray it worked.

The sun is shining in amid the deep gray clouds that are moving on by. The Bears are busy losing a football game, a pot of pasta sauce is cooking down and I will soon be grading a zillion papers. The wind is blowing and we are being told that the weather even as far west as we are will be affected by the Mega-storm that will be hitting the northeast. Be careful All. Sherry, I heard that you guys might get big snow.

Susan, your little Grand girl is gorgeous, makes a cute lion.

[BrendaDup59]

Going to try to post Kate's beautiful Grandgirl here, she sent me the photo to try to post...I am not always able so here we go-----

Awe Kate she is so cute, I have a similar picture of my grand daughter Jayden in a fairy costume.

No change on Ryleigh's breathing , they had to put a feeding tube in. Hope everyone is doing good. Take Care Brenda

[Jeff's Mom]

Awe Kate she is so cute, I have a similar picture of my grand daughter Jayden in a fairy costume.

No change on Ryleigh's breathing , they had to put a feeding tube in. Hope everyone is doing good. Take Care Brenda

Dee, thank you so much! Glad it worked! She will be turning four on November 11. A real little cutie...but full of action and always on the go. Thanks again, I appreciate it!

Brenda, sorry to hear about the baby. Please let us know how things are going. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers!

Well, I woke up this morning with the flu! I was up half the night with all imaginable aches and pains. Today I am taking it easy and as I write this my husband is up on a ladder putting up the Christmas lights. He's on a roll this weekend.

I am thinking of everyone that is in the line of the upcoming storms heading towards the east coast. Carol, I hope you are going to be okay. They had an earthquake north of Vancouver this morning. Out in the ocean. Appears as if both coasts are being pounded by bad weather. I can't complain of a little snow...even if it is really early. Well, must get moving...hubby is a man possessed when it comes to the lights!!! He reminds me of Chevy Chase in the Xmas movie. Can't wait to see the outcome. Hope the ladder doesn't slip...I'm too sick to hold it this years. He's on his own.

[ericasmom]

Brenda, prayers and hope for the little Beauty.

Kate, feel better soon, take it easy until then.

[daveydow1]

Lora-----I agree...the weather, like this road we're on, must be

taken as it comes.

Susan-----We understand, so well, when one cannot post on BI.

No need for apologies, friend. Sending thoughts & prayers for

you and for your dear daughter.

Brenda---Thanks for the cute pics, and prayers for the dear little baby.

Kate----Yikes.....snow & ice. Nothing like weather like this to jolt

one out of thinking that fall might stick around indefinitely. We

fired up the woodstove today.....cold, rainy, and dreary outside.

I had the grandies ( boys 6 and 7) overnight Saturday. They sure keep me busy.

Their daddy picked them up today.....they have school tomorrow.

Oh-----almost forgot....your grandaughter is such a pretty little girl,

and looks so cute in her fairy outfit.

Dee----Yes....we will all have to hang onto our hats, with the

bad weather blowing in from the big storm to hit on the northeast

coast. I would rather have rain or snow than high winds. We have

too many big older trees close to our house, and I get jittery when

we get high winds. Take care and I hope the bad weather misses

us all......including all the folks on the eastern seaboard.......Kathy,

Betty, Carol, and all those I might have forgotten.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Brenda, is the Baby in a good neonatal hospital? Are they running tests on her heart? Valve issues? regulation of heartbeat issues? Prayers.

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda, is the Baby in a good neonatal hospital? Are they running tests on her heart? Valve issues? regulation of heartbeat issues? Prayers.

Hi Dee, she is in the NICU at Baptist East Hospital, Jen did ask them to do test on her heart since her husband had something wrong when he was little, they are still not letting anybody hold her or even touch her other then Jen feeding her they do not want her stimulated, I would think having Jen hold her close would relax her more then not touching her ? my sister said when her 4 year old brother held her ... her breathing got a little better she seems to breath very shallow I know they have done a lot of test and everything has come back OK except the one doctor told her that her white count was slightly elevated.. I just hope she is OK , she is such a precious little girl.. and already loved by everyone

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thought I should post tonight, as I am not sure what the weather will bring here tomorrow. We are 45 minutes inland from Ocean City, Maryland. They have evacuated people all along the coastal areas of Maryland and Delaware, as they expect high water and waves. My biggest concern is a power outage. That would be a struggle with these little pups here. We have cooked ahead, and have supplies and plenty of water, etc., candles, batteries, but everything in my house is electric, so I pray we don't lose power. So far just rain and more rain, and wind but not too bad yet.

[BrendaDup59]

Thought I should post tonight, as I am not sure what the weather will bring here tomorrow. We are 45 minutes inland from Ocean City, Maryland. They have evacuated people all along the coastal areas of Maryland and Delaware, as they expect high water and waves. My biggest concern is a power outage. That would be a struggle with these little pups here. We have cooked ahead, and have supplies and plenty of water, etc., candles, batteries, but everything in my house is electric, so I pray we don't lose power. So far just rain and more rain, and wind but not too bad yet.

Becky, stay safe.... I have a lot of friends in MD , lived there for about 18 years .. on Andrews AFB and then in Waldorf. I moved back to KY when I divorced Brian and Brett's father in 97 . I will keep you all and those precious pups in my prayers .. Take Care Love Brenda

[ericasmom]

Be safe Becky, do you have a generator? My thoughts to you.

Brenda, they say snow may hit your area, is that true?

Everyone be careful, just do what is suggested as far as evacuation...

Peace out

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thanks, Brenda! I am actually in Delaware, right on the MD/DE line. Waldorf is about 2 hours north from here. I lived in Maryland most of my life, until we built this home we live in now, and wanted to be out in the country because of the dogs/kids. Always imagined we were safer... so much for that.

Feeling very tired today, don't know if it's the gloomy weather, or what. I find myself saying "enough already, I don't want to do this anymore", meaning the walk of grief. I want an end to it, but the end I want is for it not to have happened. Alright, this was a good test, but I am tired, and want it to be over.

I think what triggered those emotions was moving a basket of clean clothes on a table in the utility room that has sat there for nearly a year. We had washed everything in Jared's room and put it away, long ago, and then there was this collection of clothing from around the house, in closets, etc., that got washed, but then just sat there in the basket. Yesterday, I went through them, and I got through it, but it hurt like hell. I got them put away in his room with the rest of his clothes and after that I just pushed myself to do some things in preparation for the storm, and to try not to dwell on my sadness.

No generator, Dee, and can't leave home to go anywhere else with all these dogs/pups, so we will hope for the best.

[BrendaDup59]

Be safe Becky, do you have a generator? My thoughts to you.

Brenda, they say snow may hit your area, is that true?

Everyone be careful, just do what is suggested as far as evacuation...

Peace out

Hi Dee, I think all we will get is rain and wind and that's fine by me. my sister called me this evening , Ryleigh seems to be doing better with her breathing, she now has jaundices , they think they may let her go home on Tuesday, Jen is being released tomorrow evening. I can imagine how upset she will be going home without her and hopefully it will just be overnight. I am just so glad our other sister Deb got Jen a monitor that goes under her baby bed mattress to detect if she stops breathing..and has a camera so she can watch her. well have a good week at school. Love Brenda

[BrendaDup59]

Thanks, Brenda! I am actually in Delaware, right on the MD/DE line. Waldorf is about 2 hours north from here. I lived in Maryland most of my life, until we built this home we live in now, and wanted to be out in the country because of the dogs/kids. Always imagined we were safer... so much for that.

Feeling very tired today, don't know if it's the gloomy weather, or what. I find myself saying "enough already, I don't want to do this anymore", meaning the walk of grief. I want an end to it, but the end I want is for it not to have happened. Alright, this was a good test, but I am tired, and want it to be over.

I think what triggered those emotions was moving a basket of clean clothes on a table in the utility room that has sat there for nearly a year. We had washed everything in Jared's room and put it away, long ago, and then there was this collection of clothing from around the house, in closets, etc., that got washed, but then just sat there in the basket. Yesterday, I went through them, and I got through it, but it hurt like hell. I got them put away in his room with the rest of his clothes and after that I just pushed myself to do some things in preparation for the storm, and to try not to dwell on my sadness.

No generator, Dee, and can't leave home to go anywhere else with all these dogs/pups, so we will hope for the best.

Becky , I know what you mean, I hate rainy dreary cold days, it really puts me in a depression I am a sun person ..I would love to move south but I cant leave my family. we bought a generator last year and I hope we never have to use it, today has been a hard day for me too. I have done better the past few days then bam it hits with no warning. anyway I hope you get through Sandy OK and you don't lose your power. Take Care Love Brenda

[Angel'sSon]

Thank you everyone for your sweet comments on my niece's baby girl, please say a prayer , for some reason she keeps having rapid breathing episodes so they are keeping her in the NICU . she sure is precious. Thanks again thinking of you all this weekend , we are leaving to go to the show case of schools so we can decide what school to put Kaleb in next year. he will be in 6th.. Have as good a weekend as you can. Love Brenda

Pictures of Jen and Ryleigh

She is so beautiful. Saying prayers for your baby girl!!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

Lora-----I agree...the weather, like this road we're on, must be

taken as it comes.

Susan-----We understand, so well, when one cannot post on BI.

No need for apologies, friend. Sending thoughts & prayers for

you and for your dear daughter.

Brenda---Thanks for the cute pics, and prayers for the dear little baby.

Kate----Yikes.....snow & ice. Nothing like weather like this to jolt

one out of thinking that fall might stick around indefinitely. We

fired up the woodstove today.....cold, rainy, and dreary outside.

I had the grandies ( boys 6 and 7) overnight Saturday. They sure keep me busy.

Their daddy picked them up today.....they have school tomorrow.

Oh-----almost forgot....your grandaughter is such a pretty little girl,

and looks so cute in her fairy outfit.

Dee----Yes....we will all have to hang onto our hats, with the

bad weather blowing in from the big storm to hit on the northeast

coast. I would rather have rain or snow than high winds. We have

too many big older trees close to our house, and I get jittery when

we get high winds. Take care and I hope the bad weather misses

us all......including all the folks on the eastern seaboard.......Kathy,

Betty, Carol, and all those I might have forgotten.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts. It's been a rough ride with losing Dustin and I refuse to lose my daughter to cancer,,,Thanks again!!!!

[Guest]

..

[Jeff's Mom]

Good morning, everyone. Woke up this morning to the most brilliant sunrise. An intense orange. Truly breathtaking. It looks to be shaping up to be a decent day weatherwise. Our weather network channels are full of reports of Sandy. Hope everyone in the areas expected to be hit will stay safe! Becky, be careful. Hope you guys escape any real damage.

Well, I wish you had been here yesterday evening Becky and Brenda when my husband unveiled the Xmas light display. I had to dress myself appropriately in boots, warm jacket, etc. and stand at the foot of the property. I must say he did himself credit this year. With one notable exception...as always. He connected every last light and string together to the point that any time I turn on the back deck lights or front door lights the entire yard is lit up like we were expecting a 747 to land on the sidewalk! And so last night during the night when I had to get up to let our dog outside you can only imagine how blinding it was. I am going to need sunglasses. God love him!

Thinking of everyone today. Stay safe and warm.

Brenda...soooooo pleased about the baby!

Love, Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Good morning, everyone. Woke up this morning to the most brilliant sunrise. An intense orange. Truly breathtaking. It looks to be shaping up to be a decent day weatherwise. Our weather network channels are full of reports of Sandy. Hope everyone in the areas expected to be hit will stay safe! Becky, be careful. Hope you guys escape any real damage.

Well, I wish you had been here yesterday evening Becky and Brenda when my husband unveiled the Xmas light display. I had to dress myself appropriately in boots, warm jacket, etc. and stand at the foot of the property. I must say he did himself credit this year. With one notable exception...as always. He connected every last light and string together to the point that any time I turn on the back deck lights or front door lights the entire yard is lit up like we were expecting a 747 to land on the sidewalk! And so last night during the night when I had to get up to let our dog outside you can only imagine how blinding it was. I am going to need sunglasses. God love him!

Thinking of everyone today. Stay safe and warm.

Brenda...soooooo pleased about the baby!

Love, Kate

Kate I bet they are pretty, when we do Christmas we have always put up a big display, I just don't know how to get through the holidays without Brian, I will post a few pics of last year . I just don't know if I can do this. and Thanks for all the prayers for Ryleigh, I hope and pray she continues to improve. and Hope your feeling better Kate.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

17th Street Dunes Ocean City, Maryland

15th Street on the boardwalk at Ocean City, Maryland.

Level 2 Driving Restriction in Delaware, Emergency vehicles only. rainy and windy, but no damage here thus far.

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, that just sends chills up my spine. Glad there has not been any damage thus far. Please do take care. I sure hope everyone does evacuate if told. There always seems to be someone that feels they can ride it out. Keep us posted. Thanks.

[Jeff's Mom]

Sorry, double post.

[Angel'sSon]

17th Street Dunes Ocean City, Maryland

15th Street on the boardwalk at Ocean City, Maryland.

Level 2 Driving Restriction in Delaware, Emergency vehicles only. rainy and windy, but no damage here thus far.

Please take care and get out if you have to!!!!!!

[ericasmom]

Going to bed after having an hour or so of watching the devastation of Sandy the hurricane and NYC. I am praying for all to be out of harm's way. We just hung out with Eri's friends on Saturday night, one of them, Cecily from Saturday Night Live. She was returning to NYC on Sunday, hope like crazy that she is okay living in one of the highrises in Manhattan. With no public transportation for many days to come, NYC is going to suffer a huge economic loss as well as a huge cleanup bill.

Carol, are you safe?

Those photos Becky are astounding. It is a big ocean out there, stay away from it.

I spent the day with 126 third graders at the Arboretum, and it was a peaceful lovely day outdoors for most of it. Tired now though. Made dinner for husbands uncles and auntie and sent the leftovers home to my Son and Daughter in law.

May all sleep well and wake with no water in your basements nor snow blocking your doorways.

Peace one day

PS Brenda, you need not feel like you have to do the holidays this year. I know you have a young one at home, but it is okay to change the way you used to do holidays. It is often in our sadness that we change our traditions and make them different so that the old traditions don't seem so empty. Try some new things if that feels okay to you. DOn't decorate if that does not feel right. It is okay to not do what you used to do. I did not have a tree to decorate for 7 years after Eri died, then one week before Christmas, Jonathan said, let's get a tree. Even though he lives in a different house he wanted us to have a tree so he and I went out to get one. It felt so nice to go tree hunting with my Son. He had shut down Christmas since Eri died too, as did his Dad when he was alive. So we got a tree Jon and I. He came over later to help decorate. We put his old train set around the base like we used to do when the kids were little. When he and his then Girlfriend/now wife came over he would gaze at the tree and run the train. Since then he has gotten a tree with his wife, they set up his train set around it each time at their house and it brings him some sweet memories that he was not able to face earlier on the road. They bought all new ornaments as he just could not handle the ones he and Eri put on the tree together. Since that one tree that JOn and I bought, I have not had another. I have a very hard time putting all the memories back int he boxes when it is time to put it away. Sometimes we just listen to what our hearts can handle and we find new ways to live.

[BrendaDup59]

Going to bed after having an hour or so of watching the devastation of Sandy the hurricane and NYC. I am praying for all to be out of harm's way. We just hung out with Eri's friends on Saturday night, one of them, Cecily from Saturday Night Live. She was returning to NYC on Sunday, hope like crazy that she is okay living in one of the highrises in Manhattan. With no public transportation for many days to come, NYC is going to suffer a huge economic loss as well as a huge cleanup bill.

Carol, are you safe?

Those photos Becky are astounding. It is a big ocean out there, stay away from it.

I spent the day with 126 third graders at the Arboretum, and it was a peaceful lovely day outdoors for most of it. Tired now though. Made dinner for husbands uncles and auntie and sent the leftovers home to my Son and Daughter in law.

May all sleep well and wake with no water in your basements nor snow blocking your doorways.

Peace one day

PS Brenda, you need not feel like you have to do the holidays this year. I know you have a young one at home, but it is okay to change the way you used to do holidays. It is often in our sadness that we change our traditions and make them different so that the old traditions don't seem so empty. Try some new things if that feels okay to you. DOn't decorate if that does not feel right. It is okay to not do what you used to do. I did not have a tree to decorate for 7 years after Eri died, then one week before Christmas, Jonathan said, let's get a tree. Even though he lives in a different house he wanted us to have a tree so he and I went out to get one. It felt so nice to go tree hunting with my Son. He had shut down Christmas since Eri died too, as did his Dad when he was alive. So we got a tree Jon and I. He came over later to help decorate. We put his old train set around the base like we used to do when the kids were little. When he and his then Girlfriend/now wife came over he would gaze at the tree and run the train. Since then he has gotten a tree with his wife, they set up his train set around it each time at their house and it brings him some sweet memories that he was not able to face earlier on the road. They bought all new ornaments as he just could not handle the ones he and Eri put on the tree together. Since that one tree that JOn and I bought, I have not had another. I have a very hard time putting all the memories back int he boxes when it is time to put it away. Sometimes we just listen to what our hearts can handle and we find new ways to live.

Thanks Dee, I did start some medication tonight ,I sure hope it helps I have gotten to where I am snapping at everyone, I almost cant stand myself . I did have Great news Ryleigh got to go home today with her mommy, she got a little jaundiced but her breathing seemed to straighten out last night . I am so glad, her big brother is so in LOVE with his sister. he just keeps saying she is so pretty..lol . Thanks again Love Brenda

I read something on a web sight called Grieving Mothers.. someone posted that if Face book finds out your love one has passed they will take down their face book page . this is so upsetting to me , I talk to Brian's friends and to Brian on there they said they signed a petition and had sent it and they were trying to bring awareness to the media . I am worried .. I will feel like I lost Brian all over . they don't even tell you when they are going to do this,they said all it takes is 1 person to report that they have passed I just wanted to tell everyone who might be in the same boat and I hope that I am not starting something ,one lady even said they removed her memorial page she had for her child . if anyone knows something different please let me know.

[tantraman8]

Good evening BI family from Tucson!! Banu your son is so beautiful...full of light. Kate and Susan, the grandbaby pictures are SOOOO precious!! I think I posted on here about my son Josh sending me predator animals... like the hawk I saw about a month ago or less on my morning walk. Well, since then, two people with no knowledge of Josh or my loss, have given me cards, last week a bobcat, and this week when I arrived for work this morning, a hawk. Mysterious Universe, mysterious mystical ways our children become our beacons on this journey. I am grateful. Kate, I have been battling a stomach flu, think I'm on the edge of better. Sending healing energy up North. Love to all, David