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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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JD's Mom, Becky

Lori, Beautiful letter, really hit home!

Kate, hang in there. I have days like that where I could beat up the world, but thankfully not everyday. I never know though, when that sadness will overtake me, and I think it's the reason I only go out and deal with the world in short bursts.

Carol, I loved the yard pictures! Gorgeous trees and lawn! I can see why you miss it, and the memories that come with it. I don't know if I could ever leave this house. Jared always said that he wasn't going to be dumb like his sister, and be anxious to move out, although she ended up coming back home; but that he was staying here forever.... didn't know at that time how true that would be.

The momma duck was back by this morning, but didn't stay all day again. I don't know if these eggs have a chance of hatching or not. If she isn't on them regularly soon, I will take them to my neighbor was has an incubator. Just what I need is 11 little ducks to feed!

Went today for the pre-op stuff, bloodwork and chest xray, see my regular doctor next week, and then surgery on the 26th.

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JD's Mom, Becky

She does. Not often lately, I think she was on here on Mother's Day.

Just wondering if Ronnie CherryLynn's ma still posts here?

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I haven't been on for a few days and wow.. lots of messages, I know there was some things I wanted to coment on, but my mind isn't holding info and names to well tonight.. I apologize for missing ... HOw I want to share my thoughts with you all, but find myself so tired and not able to make a lot of sense.

Had mom to the dr. again, and my grandaughter to get her into couciling.. lots of stuff to do.. I am jumping through lots of hoops ... seems so silly being that she had been here for so long, and now I have to be on display and show people I know what I am doing.. off to get my fingerprints tomorrow.. see if they can lose these... they lost the last ones I had done in December... oh well.. she is worth it...

took the kids to lunch today, the restaurant hands out baloons.. the kids were anxious to get outside... it is something they always do.. they send out their baloons to JaBoa.. somebody stopped to talk to the kids and say how sorry they were they lost their baloons, but they just smiled and said.. we didn't lose them, we sent them to JaBoa!..

Thinking of all of you.. even if I don't say it.. your all so very cared about!

Leah, thanks for your pm. I appreciate it. It sounds as if you are a very busy lady these days. I'm glad the kids enjoyed their lunch yesterday. And I will definitely be wishing you the best on Tuesday. I know what you are saying about the responsibilities of looking after an elderly parent. It is definitely a challenge every day. I used to literally walk into the bathroom and close the door and lean up against the wall to get away from my MIL. She followed me everywhere. Some days I thought I would lose it completely. Dee was so right...there is no way around this...we just have to walk straight through the middle of it. Jeff's death coupled with the fact my family has not spoken to me for eight months has not helped. Did I do the right thing in coming out into the open regarding his death? I'm not so sure any longer. Given the shunning and treatment of many it makes me wonder. I am fortunate to have my husband. Nobody said it would be easy, eh? I am finding that life is getting harder rather then easier as I age. Health issues being the most concerning.

Well, I am up with the birds today. Literally. There is a nest right outside this window and the robins are very chirpy today. Still more rain in the forecast. Pools of water sitting in the yard. I sure would love to see some sun today.Off to the Scottish Highland Festival in Selkirk on Saturday afternoon. Bagpipes, highland dancing, speciality foods, sheep shearing :unsure: , caber toss, and tons of other stuff to watch. Should be fun. We have decided not to attend the wedding after all. The last one was difficult and so my husband is simply not able to go to this one. Every time he looks at the guys he sees Jeff. As guilty as I feel I also feel he should come first. He seems so fragile right now.

Thinking of all of you today. And thanks for your support.

Kate

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A Letter From Heaven

A Letter From Heaven - Ruth Ann Mahaffey

To my dearest family, some things Id like to say.

But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from heaven.

Here I dwell with God above.

Here, theres no more tears of sadness;

Here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.

Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through.

God picked me up and hugged me and He said, I welcome you.

Its good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.

As for your dearest family, They'll be here later on.

I need you here so badly, you are part of my plan.

There is so much that we can do, to help our mortal man.

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.

And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night the days chores put to flight.

God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years.

Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.

Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.

If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over.

I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;

But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and Id like it for you too;

That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who is in sorrow and pain;

Then you can say to God at night....My day was not in vain.

And now I am contented... that my life was worthwhile.

Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low;

Just lend a hand to pick them up, as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind;

I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when its time for you to go...from that body to be free.

Remember you're not going...you're coming here to me

How lovely. Thanks for posting!

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Another sleepless night. The walk-a-thon for Andy's Memorial Scholarship is Saturday and I'm so stressed out about it. I'm scared of crowds in the first place and all along all I thought of was doing a great fundraiser for The scholarship. Tunnel Vision combined with grieving. Not once til this past week did it occur to me that I will have to be there and it's going to very possibly be much like his funeral all over again. Plus being fathers day which is always hard for me since my Dad has been gone. I keep trying to tell everyone I'm not doing anything close to as well as they think I am and they don't think I'm doing good. There's not a day that goes by that I don't have to fight off thoughts of how easy it would be to end this pain. Many nights especially I've sat there for hours crying with pills in my hand. Then I think of my baby girl and I can't. But I can't handlle this pain either and I'm scared one more thing is going to throw the balance the other way. I've even tried telling out grief counselor and all she does is reassure me that I am surviving. I"m scared of this weekend.

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Another sleepless night. The walk-a-thon for Andy's Memorial Scholarship is Saturday and I'm so stressed out about it. I'm scared of crowds in the first place and all along all I thought of was doing a great fundraiser for The scholarship. Tunnel Vision combined with grieving. Not once til this past week did it occur to me that I will have to be there and it's going to very possibly be much like his funeral all over again. Plus being fathers day which is always hard for me since my Dad has been gone. I keep trying to tell everyone I'm not doing anything close to as well as they think I am and they don't think I'm doing good. There's not a day that goes by that I don't have to fight off thoughts of how easy it would be to end this pain. Many nights especially I've sat there for hours crying with pills in my hand. Then I think of my baby girl and I can't. But I can't handlle this pain either and I'm scared one more thing is going to throw the balance the other way. I've even tried telling out grief counselor and all she does is reassure me that I am surviving. I"m scared of this weekend.

Lori, as mentioned in my pm earlier...you are going to walk away from the walk-a- thon feeling very positive that something great was accomplished in Andy's memory. Let us know how it goes.

Dee...I was so pleased to read your account of how much Eri enjoyed her three day event with Neil Young. Those are the good memories that I mentioned yesterday.

Carol...thinking of you today as always.

Well, the sun is finally out and it is getting quite warm. A really pleasant day shaping up. I have been trying to figure out a solution to the wedding scenario tomorrow. I simply can not let this young man down. And so I have decided to attend the wedding ceremony only and then take a change of clothes. I will meet my hubby in Selkirk at the Highland Games after. This way at least a part of the family makes an appearance and it gives my husband the opportunity to collect his nerves again. That will have to do.

Linda..I really enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you for posting. it did help to brighten my mood. Thanks.

Kate

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Just wondering if Ronnie CherryLynn's ma still posts here?

Hi Barb!

I mostly just read, but have missed you and tried to get in touch with you back in March when our two precious angels had their 5 month angelversaries. I hope you are doing well, you have been in my prayers! I pray you are coping and that you feel Chris's presence often.

Glad you are back my friend. Love and hugs!

-Ronnie

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westleysmom

Kate-I hope you are feeling better. I know what you mean, I think I'm doing fine and then I'll just think I can't do this anymore and want to get in bed and stay there.

Linda-The poem was beautiful.

Dee-If you had told me before about how Eri got to go to Bonnaroo, I'd forgotten. That is such a sweet story, I'm so glad she got to go and have her best day with her dear friends. We hear a lot about it every year when its happening, but I've never felt the urge to attend. Its a couple hours from here.

Carol-I feel like such a crybaby sometimes, Thanks for your understanding reply.

Trudi-Thanks for your PM. Like I said, sometimes I feel like I'm not handling as well as I should, but I'm doing the best I can.

Ronnie-So good to see CherryLynn's pretty face. I'm glad you're doing okay.

Lori-Will be thinking about you, try not to overstress about the walk-a-thon. All we can do is all we can do, and if you need a break, take a time-out.

Leah-Sending balloons to JaBoa is so sweet of the kids. I hope things are getting better for you.

Becky-Hope that all goes well with pre-op stuff.

Sherry-Thanks for the story of Alma, (think I spelled that right) I never contacted Christopher's Mom because I couldn't think of what to say. I wonder if she will be at the visitation tonight, which I'm dreading. Afraid that people will bring up Westley and I'll lose it.

I

'm sure there are others I wanted to say hi to, but can't go back to see or might lose my post. Will be thinking of all the Dad's this weekend as Father's Day is celebrated.

Greg and Dan, and the Dads and stepdads that go with all the Moms here, Hope that your Father's day is nice and you have a sweet memory of your angel that doesn't make you cry too much.

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Leah-----So nice that the kids got to go out to lunch, and so sweet of them to release

the balloons for JaBoa. I'm sorry that you have so many things to take care of all the

time, and the care and supervision of your dear mom. I do hope that you can somehow

find nights where you can get adaquate sleep. It can be difficult,....I know.....with lots

on your mind, worries, and interruptions. thanks for the kind wishes for Davey's Angel Day.

Peace & comfort to you, friend.

Linda-----Thanks for posting the nice poem with such comforting words.

Carol-----I'm sorry that you are under so much stres with worrying about Ralph's health.

Yes,....maybe a drive to the shore, would be a relaxing time. Thanks for posting the nice

pics of your old home gardens etc. Love the trellis with the morning glories. I have some

growing by the grape arbor post. They're only about 4 inches high right now, and I keep

babying them. there's only 6 or 8 plants, although I planted 2 packs of seeds. Too dry

weather, I think. Also, thanks for posting about Mike's worries about losing his hair.

Bless his heart. Happy Birthday to Chandler....16 today !! His dad is surely smiling

down on his boy.

Becky----Thinking of you as your surgery date is approaching, and sending prayers.

Kate-----Oh,......I'm so very sorry that you are in that dark hole right now. The dark hole

that we go through, and that none of us escapes, it seems. We tend to beat ourselves

up, and feel responsible for our dear child/childrens deaths, when there is nothing

that we could do to prevent it. It's a mom and dad's feeling of responsibility that can

just plague us at times. I'm sorry that you have been shunned by your family......how

awful.......just when you need them the most. I'm sorry that has happened. The Scottish

Festival sounds so nice with the bagpipes and all. The mama robin that has her nest

just outside the bathroom window in the bend of the downspout goes in and out of the

nest what seems like dozens of times a day, and when she flies in......I hear all these

little cheep.....cheep.....cheeps . What province in Canada do you live?

Just hold on, Kate..... and keep coming here. We all know your sorrow & pain.

Lori-----So sorry that you are feeling stressed out. I hope and pray that the event will

go well, and that at least some of your stress will be alleviated. Peace to you.

Rhonda----I can so understand your apprehension about going to the wake for Margaret,

and the possibility of seeing Christopher's mom. I pray that if you do see her there, that

the two of you.......knowing that you both have the kinship of the heartache of losing a

beloved child, that a lot of words will not be necessary. The comfort will be in the

knowing that you each share heavy hearts for the loss of your boys Westley and Christopher,

and the passing of their dear babysitter, Margaret. Wishing you the best. Thoughts & prayers.

Indigoes.......I so know how you all feel sorrow and apprehension and nervousness about all

the invitations, and obligations that seem to pile up at this time of year,.....with weddings,

and graduations, and possibly wakes to attend. I have skipped one wedding already this

spring......(not a close relative). Sometimes the thought of going to these events can bring

stress to us. Sometimes, we go to these events, and they turn out to be not as bad as we

had thought. But, of course, it's not knowing how we will be able to handle it, at the time that stresses us

out. Wishing everyone thoughts & prayers.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

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Rhonda, glad that you enjoyed the Bonaroo story, you may have heard Eri's loud Caddy as she drove through your area. Hers was the one with a lot of duct tape holding her exhaust pipe on. Funny girl.

I hope the wake goes as smoothly as a wake can go. If you see Alma, tears may flow like two tributaries of one river. And that sure is fine if that happens, the human condition is all we can be.

Leah, glad that the children enjoyed letting their balloons go for their beloved JoBoa. She will never be forgotten.

Kate, what a good solution to the issue of the wedding. I think you will feel calmed by being able to do both things.

Ronnie, good to see you again, hope you are hanging in there.

Carol, I love your photos, forgot how many trees you had. Wow, a robin's paradise with so many evergreens. Happy belated to Chandler, may her feel his Dad's special pride for HIS Boy.

Becky, take care and do exactly as the doctors ask as you prepare for surgery and post surgery.

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Thank you to everyone for your support. I am doing the very best that I am able. However, I sat across from our family Doc and was told that there was no reason that my son had to die. He was in perfect health. I feel the depth of failure. That as much as I loved him it simply was not enough. He was not meant for this time by my own estimation. But I have learned that I am not God. He was far too mature and advanced for this life. If there is such a thing as angels being sent to guide us... then perhaps he was one. God works in strange ways. He was a teacher in the end. I was the pupil. Now I need to put into practice all that I have learned. It gets harder as it progresses. Like a puzzle unravelling. And the strangest of all things that when I opened myself completely to God today...things started to happen in rapid succession. All of the things my husband was working on in his business started to fall into place. Emails and phone calls that contracts were agreed to. Heck of a Father's Day present.The same as the channels falling into place until they hit the right one. What are the odds? Signs and good luck? I just want him back. Simple as that. Oh yes, there is life after this. No doubt. Without question this is just a short stop in our journey. We will meet again and feel the love we are missing. For sure!

Day turned out just wonderful. Lovely weather and yet it is unsettled. Again another challenge to grab it while we can. Thinking of you all. God Bless.

Kate

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Lori, Andy'sMom, such deep, emotional words spoken and written to your son.It's what we think isn't it. Sometimes I feel that we are blinded bygrief and though the signs are there, we are hurting so much we can'tsee or hear them. Fragments that out brains can't connect or process.In peaceful moments I think is when we hear best.

There were 5songs played on the radio . Though I enjoy some Metallica, theguitars and a few select songs, the lyrics sometimes get to time.Rather dark. One of my fav's,Enter Sandman, has taken on a whole newmeaning since Rich died. The mp3 that was sent is the DJ pullinginfo from my email and that of 4 other listeners. Some info is wrongbut Pierre is reading on the fly,( Booba?:blink: ) here it is with Pierre and my son with the old soul.

URL=http://s645.photobucket.com/albums/uu177/ehaldeman/?action=view&current=RichardTux-1-1.jpg]th_RichardTux-1-1.jpg

post-278995-0-79234800-1339816521_thumb.

And Rich's nickname, (booie), WMMR in Philadelphia had a sidekick?, in the80's thatwent by Bobbie Bui. Rich was bubba sometimes at home and I added Bui.His last email is signed”

talk to yalater love your son bubba booie”

Kate, sounds like a good plan. Attendingthe ceremony. Old souls. I believe our kids had old souls. May theforce be with you ( God ) I swear I'm not a drinker!

Rhonda, I ran into one of Rich'sbabysitters just this last Christmas at the Hallmark store. I dreadedthe question I knew was coming. “ how are the kids”. I held ittogether long enough to get out of there. I/m sorry that you feel theburden of grief upon your shoulders from the recent news. Anotherconnection as Dee stated, that is no longer there. It hurts more.again.

Sherry,Colleen, Carol (((hugs))), Becky,Dee,Kate,Maddy,Brenda..Thank you forthe Happy Birthday Wish's.

Brenda, I enjoyed your the pictures of your lovely family and theowl, very nice indeed.

Carol, great pictures! Great colorcapture of the tree.

Sherry, that block of Metallica wentright up to the heavens for our boys. Wonder if they have air guitars? Rich played the drums for a spell. Loud is an understatement but Iencouraged with a “shut the door” !

Dee, I can see Erica now at Bonaroo. Afantastic show I'm sure and the extra ticket, we have to wonder aboutthese things don't we?

Getting tired. My pages are slow to load onthis laptop. Probably time for a new one. Lets hope for a restful night. Good night.

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Betsy, it was really nice to hear your name read on the air by the DJ. I love that he said Rich's name, a treat really that sent smiles shooting through me. Thanks for sharing.

When ERi was 10 and Jon was 12.5 I bought tickets to an outdoor show of METALLICA for Eri and Jon and his best friend Steve and my niece Kate and nephew Mike. Mike and Jon are very close in age and close in friendship. So I surprised them with the tickets as and end of the school year surprise, they were all thrilled. It was a long night on the hill watching them, but the kids were thrilled and of course, with my warnings of NO MOSH_PITS, ERi went to the bathroom with her cousin Kate who is 5 years older than she and begged Kate to show her the PIT, and while watching the PIT someone in the crowd being lifted hit Erz in the eye. She had a black bruise of which she was quite proud.

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Betsy – Congrats on you radio-fame. Having him say Rich’s name – WOW, what a great memory.

Dee – Brian would participate in mosh-pits. He was so small, he would be passed around!!! I would tell him how dangerous that was, but Brian had a different idea of dangerous than the rest of the world.

Ronnie, Kate, Lori, Becky, Barb – While scrolling down the page, I noticed all of you are within the first year of your child’s death. This time is really hard. Your mind and body do not do what you want them to. They float-off into the “What-if’s” and “Shoulda-coulda’s) of your situations. This is normal for us. This is our bodies reaction to the worst loss of our lives – our personal Sept.-11th.

Hang in there, my friends. Our surroundings have changed and we have to familiarize ourselves with something we want no part of – a life without our kids.

I am here to tell you that life does get better. We learn how to live and actually enjoy life during certain periods of the year.

My mom’s birthday is today. She died 4 month’s before Brian did (6-19) – and Brian’s birthday is 7-12. I have a very difficult time, with life, during June and July. I realize this, and allow myself to be sad, cry, and just do nothing. But the other times of the year (except Christmas), I am able to function at the level I used to.

I want to send hope to those that find themselves so soon after the loss of a child.

Consider yourself hugged

Colleen, Brian’s Mom 4ever

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BrendaDup59

Well I had quite an emotional day , I first went to see my grand children my DL had one big party for 4 of them, since there birthdays are in June and July , bless her heart she worked so hard , she made each one their own birthday cake they had 3 pinatas, it was fun but HOT and Humid, what made my day was having my youngest GD JACI want me :) she just kept wanting me to hold her.. then we left and went to the cemetery and put flowers on Brian's grave ,then my sisters wanted to go by the accident scene.. not good, I did get to see the cross that his friends put up there but also were the marks where he landed , where his head was and his feet, I did finally ask Shane what what happen, and part of me is glad I got it over with , but the other part know sees it in my mind and my heart breaks because I know he knew it was going to be bad, and to hear his last moments just breaks my heart . I do feel the way Lisa feels (Brian's best friends wife) feels the other lady was at fault, I do in my heart think so too as the curve was not a bad curve I think she crossed the line and Brian saw this and being an inexperienced rider he locked up his brakes and he flew off the bike hitting her car and flying over the top and landed on the road. all I can pray for is that God took him quick so he didn't feel pain. standing there my heart hurt so bad, I miss him so much I feel sick. well I am pretty much coming apart right now so I will close . thanks for having a place I can put this on .

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Colleen: Thank you so much for remembering me and Chris in your post. I am feeling very sad most of the time without him. Knowing someday I may function as I was gave me some hope. My Grandbabies have given me the joy I need to live life. I am my 92 yo mother's caregiver so I have to function daily. Again, I thank you for the support. May you have peace tonight and dream of your beautiful son Brian. Barb chris' sad mom

Ronnie: Thinking of you and hoping you will have a peaceful night dreaming of your beautiful, sweet CherryLynn. Love to you Barb Chris' mom

Betsy – Congrats on you radio-fame. Having him say Rich’s name – WOW, what a great memory.

Dee – Brian would participate in mosh-pits. He was so small, he would be passed around!!! I would tell him how dangerous that was, but Brian had a different idea of dangerous than the rest of the world.

Ronnie, Kate, Lori, Becky, Barb – While scrolling down the page, I noticed all of you are within the first year of your child’s death. This time is really hard. Your mind and body do not do what you want them to. They float-off into the “What-if’s” and “Shoulda-coulda’s) of your situations. This is normal for us. This is our bodies reaction to the worst loss of our lives – our personal Sept.-11th.

Hang in there, my friends. Our surroundings have changed and we have to familiarize ourselves with something we want no part of – a life without our kids.

I am here to tell you that life does get better. We learn how to live and actually enjoy life during certain periods of the year.

My mom’s birthday is today. She died 4 month’s before Brian did (6-19) – and Brian’s birthday is 7-12. I have a very difficult time, with life, during June and July. I realize this, and allow myself to be sad, cry, and just do nothing. But the other times of the year (except Christmas), I am able to function at the level I used to.

I want to send hope to those that find themselves so soon after the loss of a child.

Consider yourself hugged

Colleen, Brian’s Mom 4ever

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Brenda, we are with you as you retell the events that took your Boy. May his heart be peaceful as you gathered today to celebrate the kids' birthdays and may they somehow know he is with them not only tomorrow on Fathers Day, but each day. I am sorry for the pain, the absolute ache of it all. You are in that time period that for me, was excruciating. It was when so much of the shock wore away. I did not know that there was still shock protecting me...I mean I knew the reality of it all when Eri died, but the shock that lives in you and allows you the movements you need for all of the details, the services, shock is what allowed us all to stand and greet those who came to pay their respects, and when it wears away, it is raw. I was amazed by the rawness of the ache right around the 4 mnth mark. Be kind to yourself, remember that your Son loves you and he wants everyone he loves to stand where he no longer can and live your best lives. Oh, I know that right now you cannot see that happening, but one day you will. It is not easy, it is the hardest thing that we have to do, to live our lives in honor of our Child.

It is raining, first rain in over 15 days, and not much the month of May at all. Down about 45 or 50 miles from here they had 6 inches of rain tonight after this drought of a spring and winter, so they are dealing with flooding. I am grateful for some rain, hope we get about a half inch to sink into the ground. It sounds so nice patting against the roof and windows. I am off to bed, wishing everyone some sweet sleep and that one or more of us dream of our Babies.

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BrendaDup59

Thank you Dee for everything you said, and you are so right, ,my worse fear was to ever lose one of my children like every mom on here but your right it is shock that gets you through those days because I would always say I would die if anything like that ever happen and I didn't ...I wanted to more then anything I have ever wanted in my life when my husband told me Brian was gone I just lost it all I can remember saying was I wanted to die but I made it through all of it and still some days I still feel like that but I have a 10 year old that I still have to raise but Dee to be honest what kind of mom am I to him like this? I feel so guilty sometimes that I don't do anything with him because I am in so much pain I cant see past my pain to be there for him. oh I take care of him and do what I have to but I don't enjoy my life I sometimes feel like I just exist like some of the moms on here I am just waiting for the day to see Brian again. and I would be happy if it was tomorrow, I know I am not the first mom on here to feel this way and I know time will make it easier.but your right it sure doesn't feel like it, I did enjoy seeing my grand children and I thank God for them but it really hurts to see how much they miss their dad. I took my DL and oldest grandson a digital photo frame today and Justin had hung it on his wall well he found Jayden 8 yrs Brian's oldest daughter his sister had gone in his room and had taken it and the nail out of the wall and was trying to put it up in he room, so my DL gave her the one I had made for her, now that's an awsome mom /DL I have to care more about what Jayden was going through then herself , so I am giving her mine so Traci will have one to put where all the kids can see it and she will still have the one for herself. well I have got to get some sleep ,glad you got the rain you needed, we got a few showers today but it was so hot and humid today . Thanks again for taking the time to write . Love Brenda

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JD's Mom, Becky

I am up early on this Sunday morning, father's day 2012... woke up thinking about that night at the hospital, going in to ID our child, realizing it was him, there was no mistake, that was my baby who lay dead there on that cold stretcher. I touched him, trying to take away his pain somehow as I saw his bloody face and bloodsoaked hair. I spoke softly to him and told him that God was going to take him and keep him safe in heaven until we could get there. Don't be afraid, it's going to be alright....

Looking back I don't know why I left that hospital that night.... why didn't I stay there and hold his hand and hug him until they came to get him to transport him for the autopsy? I remember saying, as we walked the hall to leave, "it just doesn't feel right, leaving him here alone". There are so many things about that night I wish I could go back and do over.... I would never have left here to go to town, 3 miles away, to hand out tickets to the cheerleaders to sell for an upcoming fundraiser. I spoke with Jared on the phone 3 minutes before he died, and about a million times I have wondered if I had said something differentlly, or if when I thought the call got dropped or he had hung up, if I had only called him back. I thought nothing of it at the time, because our call was pleasant enough, him scolding me for not taking him with me in town, and me telling him that he didn't need to go in town every night, and asking him what he was doing, and he said playing on the computer, and me saying to continue that or get some work done, meaning his homework, and that I would be home soon...... no click, nothing. I turned to the women there with me at the school where the practice for cheer was held, and said "I think that bugger just hung up on me", which prompted a conversation about Jared, whom they all knew.

I think he got off the phone and went out and skated on his skateboard on the driveway, which is blacktopped, and maybe at the end of our drive he noticed there was no traffic on the road at all, very quiet Monday evening, sun just beginning to set, he just wanted to stretch his legs from sitting at his computer all afternoon... rode to the corner, 1/2 mile away, still no trafffic.... turned and started back home, got halfway here when he was hit...... I have since rode that path in my car at an average speed for a skateboard, which is 12 mph, and it would have taken about 3 minutes and 45 seconds.... 3 minutes that completely changed our lives.

My husband, Jerry, is now out for the summer, as he is a school counselor, and he is spending time restoring the Mustang convertible that we had bought used for Jared. He would now be old enough to drive it. The only driving he did was in the field next to our house, and Jerry still talks about how excited he was to do that, grinning ear to ear. We both talk about how thrilled Jared would be seeing each part of this old car brought back to it's former glory. All the engine work and such is now done, wtih only cosmetic things left to do. Jerry will probably use it to ride to work, as it is a 4 cylinder and easy on gas. Time alone with his thoughts of our son, just as I haven't been able to part with my 13 year old van that I used for all the sporting events that Jared was involved in, as well as more recently, to drop him off and pick him up from friends houses... or to and from school... so many conversations while riding in that van. I just had a new motor put in it, as I just couldn't let it go. Too many memories.

We're going to go out to lunch with my parents, now 83 and 84 for Father's day get together. My sisters and a few other family members to attend. My biggest worry, before Jared left, was my parents. They are both in less than good health. I was looking in my china cabinet the other day, and there is a pocket watch that my dad gave to Jared, hanging under a little glass dome, and I thought to myself, this was something my dad gave Jared to remember him by, and my dad is still here, and Jared is gone....

At 57 years old, I went and had a tattoo done on my right wrist, done in the rasta colors that Jared loved, I wanted something near me when I go into surgery, as I know they will have to take my heart necklace off for surgery, which has his ashes inside. I took a bit of his ashes and they added it to the ink for the tattoo. My mother hasn't seen it yet, and will probably flip out. She is very conservative, and this is very out of character for me to do, but then everything about my character has changed... it's just an outward expression of just how much. Wearing my heart, his heart on my sleeve, so to speak.

The inside of the heart has the infinity symbol, with his initials just above JDW for Jared Daniel West, and the 2 is because my daughter, Jasmine Dara and Jared shared the same initials, and we began referring to them as "thing 1" and "thing 2", and the JDW2 evolved from that.

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The topside of my right wrist.

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The underside of my right wrist.

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Happy

Father's

Day

To all Dads.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

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HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

WISHING YOU A DAY FILLED WITH TREASURED MEMORIES AND A GOOD TIME SPENT WITH YOUR FAMILIES!

Kate :)

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Every day I think that I should log on to the site and offer some show of support to all those hurting, most especially our newest members, but I just don't seem to have it in me to go through with it.....maybe it's selfishness? I'm not sure, but please remember that I do think of all of you daily and wish constantly that I were stronger and better able to lend support.

I know nothing anymore. I am comfortless. I am angry, broken and defeated on every possible level imaginable. The other night I was painting Ragan's nails, and she quietly said, "I miss my Mommy." It was all I could do to hold myself together. I managed to respond, " I'm sorry, Rae. I'm trying, but it is so hard. Maybe in time, I will get better? Maybe after we get through this first year?" I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth: that her Mommy is dead, that I will never again be the person or mommy that I was prior to Shannon's death. I can only hope that some small part of me, of who I once was, will rise from the ruins and wreckage of what I am now.....for Ragan's sake, but my hope is slim at best. I don't really want to be anything other than what I am right now, and I resent that I must find the way to become this new person.....this person I don't want to be. I want my old life back, the old me back.....I want the do-over, so that I can change what's happened. I want my life, our lives, Shannon's life intact, but I am powerless to do anything to change it.

Maybe I've just been weighed down with too much this past month? My birthday, Mother's Day, end of another school year, her boyfriend getting himself a new girlfriend, kids going on with life, Father's Day, and her birthday looming on the 19th. She should be here. We shouldn't have to go to a cemetery with glow-balloons to write our birthday wishes/prayers upon and release them to Heaven in the hope that they reach her.....that she will somehow know of our great love. I want to be happy about her life, the time we had with her, and memories that we have, but the magnitude of losing her so greatly over-shadows whatever joy we should be feeling.

How do I go where I do not want to go? How do I live a life I do not want to live? How do I find purpose or meaning in this event that seems so unjust? I don't think I've ever felt as abandoned and betrayed as I do right now. Nothing makes sense any more. My belief system no longer shields me or supports me. It seems that every thing I ever believed or hoped to believe has been a lie. I am utterly and completely broken. The pieces of myself and my life become smaller every day, broken into tinier pieces with every blow. Millions and millions of pieces that I am required to put back together, but for what rhyme or reason? The effort won't bring my daughter back to me? Nor will it give Ragan her Mommy back to her.

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HAPPPY DAD DAY TO ALL OF OUR WONDERFUL DADS ON SITE---

We know it is bittersweet, just know that you will always be THEIR dad.

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BrendaDup59

Every day I think that I should log on to the site and offer some show of support to all those hurting, most especially our newest members, but I just don't seem to have it in me to go through with it.....maybe it's selfishness? I'm not sure, but please remember that I do think of all of you daily and wish constantly that I were stronger and better able to lend support.

I know nothing anymore. I am comfortless. I am angry, broken and defeated on every possible level imaginable. The other night I was painting Ragan's nails, and she quietly said, "I miss my Mommy." It was all I could do to hold myself together. I managed to respond, " I'm sorry, Rae. I'm trying, but it is so hard. Maybe in time, I will get better? Maybe after we get through this first year?" I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth: that her Mommy is dead, that I will never again be the person or mommy that I was prior to Shannon's death. I can only hope that some small part of me, of who I once was, will rise from the ruins and wreckage of what I am now.....for Ragan's sake, but my hope is slim at best. I don't really want to be anything other than what I am right now, and I resent that I must find the way to become this new person.....this person I don't want to be. I want my old life back, the old me back.....I want the do-over, so that I can change what's happened. I want my life, our lives, Shannon's life intact, but I am powerless to do anything to change it.

Maybe I've just been weighed down with too much this past month? My birthday, Mother's Day, end of another school year, her boyfriend getting himself a new girlfriend, kids going on with life, Father's Day, and her birthday looming on the 19th. She should be here. We shouldn't have to go to a cemetery with glow-balloons to write our birthday wishes/prayers upon and release them to Heaven in the hope that they reach her.....that she will somehow know of our great love. I want to be happy about her life, the time we had with her, and memories that we have, but the magnitude of losing her so greatly over-shadows whatever joy we should be feeling.

How do I go where I do not want to go? How do I live a life I do not want to live? How do I find purpose or meaning in this event that seems so unjust? I don't think I've ever felt as abandoned and betrayed as I do right now. Nothing makes sense any more. My belief system no longer shields me or supports me. It seems that every thing I ever believed or hoped to believe has been a lie. I am utterly and completely broken. The pieces of myself and my life become smaller every day, broken into tinier pieces with every blow. Millions and millions of pieces that I am required to put back together, but for what rhyme or reason? The effort won't bring my daughter back to me? Nor will it give Ragan her Mommy back to her.

Susan, you put into words just how I feel also, I am not very good at writing my feelings down, feelings I never ever thought I would have ,yesterday my sisters wanted to see the cross that my sons friends put up for him, well I wasn't prepared for the marks still being on the road where my son died, it is 3 months today I lost him , but seems like yesterday , I have cried all morning. the one thing my mom keeps saying to me is Brian would be so upset to see us grieving like we are but I don't know how to stop, like you said how do we go on without them?, I too find myself trying to comfort Brian's best friend Shane who was with Brian when he took his last breath, I keep telling him to enjoy the things that he and Brian did, Brian would want him to get back on his Bike and go hunting , then I think I cant I tell him to do things I cant do myself. and I too feel bad I cant comfort others and one mom on here told me that's OK, it could be a long time before we are able to but I am so grateful for a place to at least write how I feel, friends I thought would be there aren't and I think family don't know what to say or do for us .unless you have lost a child you cannot possibly have any idea the pain we feel. anyway I wanted to tell you your daughter is a beautiful young lady, she has the prettiest eyes and a beautiful smile. and my heart hurts for you too. Take Care . Brenda

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Susan, the ache of all those pieces you have become, shards now, slivers of a life once upon a time. Would it somehow work for you and Ra to go see a therapist together, to build something from these ashes together? Just thinking online right now. All of the many emotions you are feeling are part of this whole ball of sadness, resentment, betrayal, lost, empty, ANGRY...all of it. Out of the ashes will come some semblance of a life, parts of it will be recognizable, but the rest will be new and what I found was that the new was good, it was never going to be what it was, but I built the new out of my shards and somehow, I keep building.

I was thinking the other day that one good writing exercise might be to make two lists side by side. One list on left is :

I WISH I HOPE

Maybe list 4 or more things. We all will have the first wish similar, I wish my Daughter did not get struck by a train on July 8th, 2003. Next to that, and because of that, write an I hope, for instance, I hope I can make Eri proud of me when I start and end each day.

I think if you try this, you might find ways to help pull yourself into looking at ways to make your heart feel the beat again. I am just grabbing at straws here, it helps me to do this, just thinking it may also help you and those new to this very horrendously sad time. The first year is the hardest time in the world to me. I am not saying it gets easier, but I am saying it can get to feeling much better with time and hope. I remember a long long time ago, when Carol and Trudi were new to this pain and Sherry and a few others no longer here and myself were telling the newbies, asking why is not going to do your heart and soul any good, but instead, ask HOW. How do I live my best life in the face of this horror, how do I make a difference for others, how do I get up each day and live?

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Susan, you put into words just how I feel also, I am not very good at writing my feelings down, feelings I never ever thought I would have ,yesterday my sisters wanted to see the cross that my sons friends put up for him, well I wasn't prepared for the marks still being on the road where my son died, it is 3 months today I lost him , but seems like yesterday , I have cried all morning. the one thing my mom keeps saying to me is Brian would be so upset to see us grieving like we are but I don't know how to stop, like you said how do we go on without them?, I too find myself trying to comfort Brian's best friend Shane who was with Brian when he took his last breath, I keep telling him to enjoy the things that he and Brian did, Brian would want him to get back on his Bike and go hunting , then I think I cant I tell him to do things I cant do myself. and I too feel bad I cant comfort others and one mom on here told me that's OK, it could be a long time before we are able to but I am so grateful for a place to at least write how I feel, friends I thought would be there aren't and I think family don't know what to say or do for us .unless you have lost a child you cannot possibly have any idea the pain we feel. anyway I wanted to tell you your daughter is a beautiful young lady, she has the prettiest eyes and a beautiful smile. and my heart hurts for you too. Take Care . Brenda

e.

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Susan, you put into words just how I feel also, I am not very good at writing my feelings down, feelings I never ever thought I would have ,yesterday my sisters wanted to see the cross that my sons friends put up for him, well I wasn't prepared for the marks still being on the road where my son died, it is 3 months today I lost him , but seems like yesterday , I have cried all morning. the one thing my mom keeps saying to me is Brian would be so upset to see us grieving like we are but I don't know how to stop, like you said how do we go on without them?, I too find myself trying to comfort Brian's best friend Shane who was with Brian when he took his last breath, I keep telling him to enjoy the things that he and Brian did, Brian would want him to get back on his Bike and go hunting , then I think I cant I tell him to do things I cant do myself. and I too feel bad I cant comfort others and one mom on here told me that's OK, it could be a long time before we are able to but I am so grateful for a place to at least write how I feel, friends I thought would be there aren't and I think family don't know what to say or do for us .unless you have lost a child you cannot possibly have any idea the pain we feel. anyway I wanted to tell you your daughter is a beautiful young lady, she has the prettiest eyes and a beautiful smile. and my heart hurts for you too. Take Care . Brenda

Hi Everyone...I wish there was some magic solution that would give us back our world as we once had it. But we all know that it is not going to happen. Life can be so very hard and many, many curves and hard times sent to try us. We hit highs and lows on a weekly basis. Everything and sometimes nothing can trigger us into a downward spiral. It takes work...and hard determination to keep going. It is never easy. And yet there are times that little bits of happiness creep into our daily life to help to keep us as motivated as possible. Not one of us that is born is given a free ride. We have many difficulties to face as best as we are able. That is what this life is about. How we handle it is up to us. We were never meant to be alone. That is why we have others that we can hopefully lean on to help us at those down times.

We had a decent day so far as far as Father's Day is concerned. A few tears shed as we sat on the memorial bench and walked back to our car. But my husband said to me that he was in actual fact crying for himself and not Jeff. That he knew Jeff was at peace. He was crying because he felt lost wihout him in his life...and especially on a day such as this. Memories flooding back. But warm, beautiful memories. This most probably is how it will be from now on with every special occasion. We will carry this tender and yet deep sense of loss in our hearts as we go through the days ahead. We have to try to stay strong and even force ourselves to do things we may not want to do. But in the end we will always be glad that we did it. What is the alternative? There are none. These first two years are the hardest of all. Eventually the rawness of this pain begins to soften a little. It takes time and patience. Try to do something positive to remember them by. Such as the walk-a-thon today. Or planting a memorial tree, releasing balloons, volunteering in their memory. Doing anything that can help you to feel a bit better about not just your child but about yourself. You deserve to be kind to yourself again. They would definitely want that. I am confident of that!

The wedding yesterday was lovely. Unfortunately we had a dreadful day. It rained cats and dogs the entire day. Yet it did not mar the happiness of the occasion. We did not attend the The Scottish Highland Event after all due to the weather. Today has been quite nice and everything is lush and green from all of the rain. We are just bracing ourselves for an onslaught of mosquitoes. The woods walking into the site were covered with a billion daisies in full bloom. The butterflies were amazing. So many different varieties.

Thank you again... to all who have offered support to me when I have felt so dejected. I have to take my own advice it appears! Thinking of everyone today. Hang in there.

Kate

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Betsy-----Yep---Rich and Dave must have been so happy to hear their fav heavy

metal band music. You mentioned Rich played drums. Dave played guitar....(as a teen0

first the acoustic one, then moved on to lessons and electric guitar, but seemed

to lose interest in it really, when the reality of education, jobs, etc. became in focus.

He sold the electric guitar to some kid, and I still have the acoustic. I'd play it but

don't know the first thing about it., so it's in the closet.

Susan------Good to see Shannon's lovely smile. I'm so sorry that you are in that

very dark place. It's true.......we can sometimes feel very resentful that life expects

us to 'get back to normal', when we feel deep in our hearts that It's not possible to

ever return to that previous place. Wishing you comfort & peace, friend.

Kate----I so agree with you that we will see our dear children again. It's what can keep

us going a step at a time on this lousy road we're on. My heart feels for you as you and

your husband visited Jeff's grave......and cried sorrowful tears. Nothing in this world

is sadder than losing a child.

Dee----Had to smile when you told of sweet ERi getting a black eye from being near the

MOSH pit at the Metallica concert. Especially.....when you said that she didn't mind it.

Such a wonderful time the kids must have had. All the excitement at being in the middle

of the concert, all the fans, and of course......the music. We got a bit of rain today.......not

nearly enough. My husband picked up a handful of dirt in the garden after the rain, and

right under it, was dry dry earth. So, hoping maybe we'll get some more rain tonight.

The flooding south of you is what seems to happen when too much rain comes too quickly.

Colleen-----Wishing you peace & comfort on your dear mom's heavenly birthday. I know

that this is just a rough time of year for you.....so many memories and regrets. Thoughts & prayers, friend.

Brenda-----So very sorry that you are so sad after seeing the accident scene where you dear

son, Brian, died. I sure know what you mean. I, too, made myself go past the scene on the

freeway where my son, David, was killed by the runaway semi ( driver fast asleep at the wheel),

and it was so strange & rather eerie. (this was a few months later) There were no outward signs that anything had taken

place there.......let alone the horrific crash that claimed my son's life. Just the road, the very

close guardrail, and the steep embankment and the exit ramp. I wondered whether I was just

crazy for going there. I haven't been back, as we have moved out of the immediate area. My husband

saw it once and says he will never go there again. Your

daughter-in-law must be a sweet person. The birthday party she gave the kids sounds so lovingly planned,

and I'm glad that everyone will have a pic of your dear son. Peace to you.

Barb....Chris' mom------So glad that you find so much joy in the grandies. They certainly can be

a comfort. I hope that your mom is doing ok. My mom is also 92, lives alone, and is failing a

bit lately.

Becky------I agree.....those few minutes certainly do change our lives forever. I , too, think

about that often. May memories of your dear son, Jared, give you some comfort.

WISHING COMFORT TO ALL INDIGO DADS ,TODAY,........FATHERS DAY.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

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Just want to say that I hope that all of the Dad's on our site, those who post, and those who support their wives' posting, have had a good day today. Your child is with you, as always, and you are loved by them still, always.

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tobyfreefoot

haven't had time to read, my dad died friday. his funeral is tues. two weeks exactly before forest's angel date. what a world, what a world.

post-298275-0-07713900-1339985967_thumb.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Oh, Gretchen, I am very sorry. My dad is 84 and his health is steadily declining. I hope his passing was easy. I will be praying for you!

haven't had time to read, my dad died friday. his funeral is tues. two weeks exactly before forest's angel date. what a world, what a world.

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Gretchen, I know that you felt that Dad would not be here much longer, he has gone on and he is out of pain. I am sorry though, for your ache, for your hurt in saying goodbye to Dad.

Happy Dad's Day to your Dad.

Happy Dad's Day In Heaven to Mike, and MIcheal, and Brian, (Greg's Boy) and Brian (Brenda's Boy)and all the young men I have not listed here. Blessings.

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BrendaDup59

haven't had time to read, my dad died friday. his funeral is tues. two weeks exactly before forest's angel date. what a world, what a world.

I am so very sorry for your loss, thinking of you .

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Thanks to all who reached out with love, understanding and support.

Gretchen - my heart to you. I am so very sorry to hear of your father's passing. Prayers for peace and strength.

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Gretchen...so very sorry. Losing one' s parent is like losing part of your past. My dad died in 1970, when I was 25 (he was 76) and I miss him still. My heart goes out to you. prayers for you and your family.

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missinglance

To Everyone.....

I just want everyone who to know that I have been trying to keep up with what you are sharing, but I have been very busy. I don't want anyone to think I don't care about what you are saying or what people are saying to me. I just have a lot going on right now, and I read what you write, but I don't always have time to sit down and write a thoughtful response. When my husband comes home, my focus is there. I seem to go missing for days at a time. :) He isn't home much so I spend as much time as I can with him when he is home.

I'll be traveling for work for about a week so, you may not hear from me for a while, but I shall return :)

Anyways thinking of you all, and praying for the healing of the heart, and for the peace of mind that you all need.

Leslie (Lance's Mommy)

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Today we had a really nice Father's Day. My 18 yo son bar b qued and I cooked lots of other yummy stuff. All of our kids were here. Our boys each made a homemade card for their dad. A tradition in the past that had been sort of lacking since Rachael's passing. Well today it seemed like old times. I guess it was still a little odd without Rachael's presence, but there was joy, and healing, and moving forward, and we could all feel it. A little bittersweet, but nevertheless we must move forward.

After eating my husband and boys dug the hole for Rachael's tree and we all planted it together. Then my husband said some sweet words about Rachael and we all prayed together. We are planning a certain spot in the yard to make her garden and we discussed that too. So it was a little hard in spots, but we are moving forward and finding a place of healing. The garden is a positive thing and I believe it will be therapeutic, especially for my boys.

I have been going to the gym regularly, it will be 2 weeks tomorrow. I kept trying unsuccesfully to get back into the gym consistently. Well I think I am finally getting somewhere. I take a one hour cycle class almost every day and started back with weights on Saturday. My husband and I were in the gym in different locations and I went over to the dumbells to catch an upper body workout. I heard "hey momma!" and turned around to find my 15 yo working out already and I did not know he was in the gym. We then worked out together giving each other pointers and it was fun. I felt like the mom I used to be again and enjoyed that time with him so much.

I will always miss her. We can see the tree when we look out of our den window into our backyard. Our whole family will always miss her. I push myself to choose to seek out the joy and the good. To remain focused and remember I will see Rachael again. Life changes, often unexpectedly, but I am searching for the nuggets of joy that I can find every day if I look. They are there if I choose to look and her memory is there every day.

LOVE,

MADDY

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tobyfreefoot

thanks everyone for your condolences. my youngest, marshall-19 finally opened up a little today, he told his sister he has a reoccurring nightmare that forest is still alive but one of his arms is missing and he won't stop crying. marshall got teary eyed and said he sleeps a lot because he is tired from waking with this dream all the time. so sad but a step toward healing that he spoke about it. the world is too hard for me right now. i don't want to work. it hurt to watch my mom climb up on my dad who could not blink, swallow or close his mouth for the last 5 days and hold him crying. my mother doesn't cry. her mom died when she was nine and think she has never been able to allow her self to feel a lot. they were married 50 years divorced but friends for 12. she was his high school sweetheart and he has always taken care of her. i won't be here for a while because i just don't know anymore....

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Gretchen, I am so sorry for your loss, ((hugs)) to you dear. My great-grandmother passed away at 96, and my grandma told me "It hurts to lose my mom, no matter how old she was"

Susan, I read your post and tears filled my eyes, I feel your pain and sadness. I completely understand what you are feeling, and I understand Ragan's sense of loss as well. My girls often told me the same thing, they just wanted their mom back, it was so hard on them to lose their sister and in many ways, their mom too. Hold on tight my friend, keep coming here even if you don't post, we will help you get through this. The first year is so very hard, I don't even remember much. I felt like I was stuck...I couldn't go back, and I couldn't move forward either, I was just marking days off the calendar. Many of us here keep telling all of you....it gets better, it gets softer, you will find joy in life again...I know that you must be thinking we are crazy, but truly YOU WILL, we promise! It's not that we stop missing our babies....we don't. It will be 3 years for me next month, and my first and last thought of each day is Brianna, always. I still miss her, I will always miss her. It's just that now, it is not quite so razor sharp. ((hugs))

Love to all Indigos

Jenn

Brianna's momma

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Gretchen, please take extra good care of your physical self right now, that will support your emotional self. Be kind to YOU>

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Maddy, so glad about the tree planting, the unity felt as you worked to plant a living memorial to your Girl.

Jenn, we posted at the same moment. I agree with all you said, I am looking at 9 years next month, hard as hell to believe. I will and do always miss Erica, but I also do love life and the many joys in living. I do believe and feel that Eri is happy about that.

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Gretchen I am so very sorry for your loss. My sympathy to you and your family.

Susan...I hope you will take good care of yourself and know that you are not going through this alone as much as it may seem like it at times. Stay in touch. You don't have to suffer alone!

Leah, wish you the best outcome tomorrow and please let us know how it goes. Good luck!

Carol, thank you so much for your words of kindness. You are a very caring and decent person. Glad that your day was filled with visits from your loving grandkids.

Dee, so glad that you finally had a brief shower. I'm sure your garden was thankful for the moisture. I hear it is very hot your way. Please send some heat and sun to us. We are locked into this weather pattern and it will not move out. It is still very cool with cloud. They are calling for some sun but also a fair amount of rain for the entire week. My poor flowers arelooking pretty water logged. Very unusual for us for this time of the year.

Becky, hope you are doing fine and the upcoming surgery will give you that much needed relief. Look forward to hearing how mom and babes are doing once they hatch. We have several house wren houses in our yard. The action is pretty intense at times. I just love their chirpy sound and particularly first thing in the morning.

Rhonda, I live in an area called the Interlake, in Manitoba. It is situated on the southwestern shores of Lake Winnipeg. Outside of a small community called Gimli.

Thinking of everyone today. Hope you have a decent day.

Kate

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missinglance

In loving memory of my personal little angel, my beautiful son Lance!

post-298834-0-67095500-1340038170_thumb.

When I was five years old,

They asked,

I told,

A mommy someday I’ll be

Scared beyond belief,

The day you were born,

Little did I know this was just the beginning of an unknown end.

So happy, so sad for my bundle of joy.

Up into the air you did fly,

In what they called Angel One

They said a new heart you’d need.

Waiting,

Waiting,

We did wait.

And a new heart you got.

Months and Months did pass,

A mommy I was,

A mommy I’ll always be

With no warning the angels came,

Sadness,

Heartbreak,

Despair,

In only a moment you were gone.

Our bundle of joy,

that changed our lives,

He changed my life,

his life,

your life,

our life!

Sadness ensues,

but happiness remains

Those giggles,

Those smiles,

Those big brown eyes.

Tugging on my heart strings,

Day after Day,

Night after Night

Gone,

but not from my heart,

only from sight,

On God’s lap he now sits,

Teardrops may fall,

Sadness Remains,

but what I remember the most,

Giggles,

Smiles,

Smiles and Giggles,

Forever in my heart,

That’s where he’ll stay.

Leslie (Lance's Mommy)

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JD's Mom, Becky

Leslie, the poem and pictures for baby Lance were precious! He looked a lot like his momma! Thanks for sharing with us.

The momma duck is still coming around to tend her eggs, and the papa is with her sometimes. Today she took a swim in the pool!

551576_2213726880096_1094194172_n.jpg

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Leslie------Your poem honoring your dear sweet baby Lance was so nice and heatfelt.

Thanks for posting it, and the pics.

Gretchen-----So very sorry that your dear dad passed on. May he meet with your

precious son in heaven, and may your memories soothe your sorrowful heart. Peace & prayers to you, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

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missinglance

Sherry- Thanks so much for reading my poem :) I have always loved to write, but didn't really get back into until after Lance passed away.

Becky- Thanks so much, most people say he looked just like my hubby, and if you would see a picture of them side by side face on you would agree. Lance had more nose for sure and my complexion.

Gretchen- So Sorry for the loss of your dad. My condolences go out to you and your family in your time of loss.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

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Gretchen, So sorry to read of your dad's passing. What a world is right. Take the time and steps needed to care for yourself .

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Hello Indigos... I was wondering if any of you have every waking moment thinking about our lovely children who are not able to be with us anymore. I constantly beat myself up over all of it.. I love him dearly. and miss him dearly.. And know it has been over 2 years. But I see his lovely face all the time and think of how i could have done so much more in this life for him.. how I let him down.. How i should have cherished the ground he walked on. I loved him the same as the others but I feel like I could have saved him from this. tragedy.. by just being a better mom.. I can't seem to think of anything else. I don't know why. I think the passage of my life and the choices i made.. have a lot to do with it. Does anybody else just constantly think about it. like obsession.. or is this normal..... Life will never be the same.. i do admit that.. love to all of you Morgans mom carrie

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Sherry- Thanks so much for reading my poem :) I have always loved to write, but didn't really get back into until after Lance passed away.

Becky- Thanks so much, most people say he looked just like my hubby, and if you would see a picture of them side by side face on you would agree. Lance had more nose for sure and my complexion.

Gretchen- So Sorry for the loss of your dad. My condolences go out to you and your family in your time of loss.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Leslie, your poem dedicated to your sweet little guy was just beautiful. Thanks for sharing with us. I think he sort of looks like you as well. Take care.

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