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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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ericasmom

Maddy, I agree with Col, you are making some big strides. How wonderful. Any chance you want to show us some of your art?

The list of 8 steps in grieving that Greg posted keep resonating with me. As I walk toward the 9th anniversary of Eri's leaving...I am stunned again by time, happens each year around this time. It is a way for my heart/soul/spirit to prepare for the event of the mark of time again. I especially love the steps that involve listening and becooming one with nature. Even in big city areas, there is nature all around, and that alone is one of the ways that I have found a measure of peace. The other, routine. That July, after Eri died, seven days in Michigan, we returned to our home, our lives, but not our lives. I went for a walk as soon as I got my bag put away and I wept for returning to a house that no longer could house my Girl. I went for my morning walk, which I had been doing for about 18 years. That routine helped me frame my days again, even though I was devastated, the movement, the birds songs, the wind rain and sunlight, all of those reminding me that i must continue to do what has been good for me all along. In those walks early on, I felt Eri even stronger than when I was in the house, in part because while moving I am always more tuned into the spirit world, but also because Eri loved being outdoors. Tehre we were that summer, a crazy in grief Mom walking along holding the heart of her Girl who rode shot-gun (on my shoulder) through the days and nights. I miss Erica beyond any words, and I will carry her with me each day, that does not go away with time, she remains a constant in my life.

Kate, I hope that the nursery is a great trip. We have so much blooming so very early that I worry that come July, nothing will have blooms as it is all about 5 weeks ahead of itself. It is mighty pretty though. Clematis, roses, pinks, black lace, indigo, perennial geraniums, columbine, and so many other blooms about to happen.

Colleen, your house your rules is smart so don't feel mean.

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mysonrich

Maddy, the yard sale event is held yearly in a town located along the river. 30 or more homes/families participated. I did find a nice chair. I call it a bankers chair. Nice solid wood and i did not haggle on the price. $30.00 A bargain!

I did see a co-worker there. My supervisor. I was rather surprised to see her. I said hello and she replied” is that it” ,” Hi Sue” I wanted to say, “ just a second. Let me unroll this carpet that you have for sale and I will get down on my knees and gravel at your feet” anymore, its just wtf, what is wrong with people? Oh well.

I bought myself a birthday present last month. A new camera and today I have been reading the owners manual and taking practice shots. I think I'm ready for the super moon. Except the clouds .:(

This camera has manual and auto controls ,30x zoom and a bunch of buttons. Taking the manual with me. I did not go with the Canon with the extra lens. I thought I might just end up frustrated so this is a small yet a big step. Thanks Betty for throwing yet another lifeline.

Sherry, Its so nice to see Davey and you. I say a prayer every morning and include individuals form Bi and others when we need extra help. I also pray for forgiveness. The burden of guilt is so heavy . At some point the mind and heart does register that enough is enough. However, it sneaks back in. Who said to tell this voice to go away? Colleen? I am getting to that point.

Gretchen, a beautiful baby. She is sweet. And the moon , if only the clouds would dissipate here.

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rlolheiser

Hello to everyone, I am sorry I just can't seems to write anymore. I do come here and read you all and talk to our angels. I just feel inadequate to open my mouth anymore. Even wishing our angels a happy birthday seems so feeble from me. I don't get online everyday but my heart has experienced all your joys and your frustrations in life. I cry with you.. and laugh with you.. and pray for you when your down. I can't explain how I feel anymore.. most days I don't even like me so I just be quiet.

My son is doing well, looking forward to school letting out for the summer. My grandaughter has struggled and I have worked my bottom off getting her grades up from F to Cs and Bs. I just hope that if she goes back to her mom things work out. Her mom.. isn't doing so great.. Social Services called her in for a UA and they say it is dirty, she swears it isn't. Now it gets sent to Bismarck... and I play the waiting game. Talk is now of putting my grandson up for adoption, and I play the guilt game of do I try to get him or not. On top of that mom has been in and out of the hospital. Her mind is failing so badly, by the time I finish tending to her needs I am ready to give up.. all I can do is cry.. until the next time she needs something which seems only minutes apart. My husband and I are distant, we are civil and I think he loves me, but I don't know for sure anymore. See.. I am sorry I write and I end up having that old pity party for me.. its really not that bad.. there is a roof over my head and bills paid, and kids growing.. I miss JaBoa.. and that brings on an emptiness that I know can never be filled.. a wondering of what life would be like if she was still here.. and a knowledge of knowing I will never have that answer...

Like I said, I am not far from here.. always reading.. always caring for the older members here and the newer, and each new member brings the sting of just how much worse off the world is without our angels..

Thinking happy thoughts of you.. Carol/Mike.. Dee, Sherry, Betsy, Betty, Maddy, Gretchen, Trudi,Coleen, Kate, Rhonda, Greg, Dan, Susan, Kathy, Ivy, .. so many names that my memory can't grab right now, but you are all important to this site and I am glad I am able to read each of you.

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Jeff's Mom

Leah...so glad top hear from you. We were wondering how you are getting along. I am also so pleased to read that your grandaughter is now moving ahead at school...thanks to you! How are you? Are you still having trouble with your legs? Sorry to see that your mom is failing. Believe me I know how hard that is. Hang in there. We have been thinking of you and hoping that things were improving. Praying that the situation on the home front will improve for you soon. Take care and keep in touch.:)

Kate

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Jeff's Mom

Maddy, the yard sale event is held yearly in a town located along the river. 30 or more homes/families participated. I did find a nice chair. I call it a bankers chair. Nice solid wood and i did not haggle on the price. $30.00 A bargain!

I did see a co-worker there. My supervisor. I was rather surprised to see her. I said hello and she replied” is that it” ,” Hi Sue” I wanted to say, “ just a second. Let me unroll this carpet that you have for sale and I will get down on my knees and gravel at your feet” anymore, its just wtf, what is wrong with people? Oh well.

I bought myself a birthday present last month. A new camera and today I have been reading the owners manual and taking practice shots. I think I'm ready for the super moon. Except the clouds .:(

This camera has manual and auto controls ,30x zoom and a bunch of buttons. Taking the manual with me. I did not go with the Canon with the extra lens. I thought I might just end up frustrated so this is a small yet a big step. Thanks Betty for throwing yet another lifeline.

Sherry, Its so nice to see Davey and you. I say a prayer every morning and include individuals form Bi and others when we need extra help. I also pray for forgiveness. The burden of guilt is so heavy . At some point the mind and heart does register that enough is enough. However, it sneaks back in. Who said to tell this voice to go away? Colleen? I am getting to that point.

Gretchen, a beautiful baby. She is sweet. And the moon , if only the clouds would dissipate here.

Betsy,glad to see that you had a good time at the yard sale. And now we have other people taking pics on the site. Dee, Trudi, Gretchen, and you. I was wondering if you can take a picture of a picture? I guess I'll go into a photo place and ask their advice.

As to that moon shot? Well, it has cleared up here. Clear and crisp. Hope to take Jeff's camera out and see what happens. Gretchen, that was a beautiful shot. Carol...thinking of you and the entire family today. Hope the day was great and you all had a chance to have a good visit. We will be along with you through this entire journey starting tomorrow. Warm and loving wishes sent your way to you and Ralph.

Maddy, it does indeed sound as if you have a lot going on in your neck of the woods. Good luck this week with your classes.

Dee, we did indeed make it to the Nursery for our plants today. Bit of a trek. We drove almost two hundred miles round trip to a speciality Nursery to collect some new and exciting plants. It was worth the effort. I had called a few days ago to ask about the availability of these plants and the numbers they carried. The young woman I spoke to told me that had a ton in stock and so not to worry about putting anything on hold. Well, when we arrived this afternoon... we searched for a couple of them all over and they appeared to have been sold. I was so disappointed. Then I decided to just relax and see what else I could find. As luck would have it they both showed up in the oddest places. Sitting bunched up with other perrenials that were not in that catagory. The lady was surprised to see that they still had one left of each of the plants I wanted. So I walked out carrying a box with each and every plant on my list. The last the greenhouse had of these new varities for this season! And oh,what beauties they are. Apparently the landscape designers had scooped them up the last couple of days. Thank you Jeff. Even she was surprised.

Well, off to try to get some much need sleep. Hubby had me up all night snoring. He woke up refreshed and bright as can be. I looked as if I had been run over by a steam roller. Tell me, has anyone used those nasal strips? His days are numbered if this continues. He needs to have a sinus operation and is putting it off. He and the dog make a good pair. Marley and Me to a tee. :rolleyes:

Kate

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Sadly the Moon was elusive here. Rained all day and most of the night.

Got the camera, understand the night shoot, but alas no subject. Oh well....will find something to practice on.

Colleen ~ Sorry to hear about Aaron...testing the waters..I get what you mean..who's doing the time :blink:

Dee ~ The menu went down a treat. We made the soup, the bread and the potato nacho's renamed Ponachos by grade 3/4B. It was a bittersweet day. Zak got to take a loaf of Potato Bread home. Since last weekend he has been living with his other grandparents...his parents are having a tough time. As it is now I am not welcome at their home...we never really have had that 'chummy inlaw' relationshipt. But it does make it hard to see the grandies. I missed Zak's basketball game this week. I now get to see him and Jeya on Fridays at school.

Maddy ~ That is one mixed up bird..Hoping my body clock acclimatises better in September or I'm in a bit of bother. ;)

My worries and woes pale into insignificance to that of my dear friend Carol and her beloved man Mike. I spoke with both today.. Their faith, their strength, their love is something to behold. There are the nerves of whatif, but there is also a trust that is never ending.

If God only gives us what we are able to manage, then about now he should look to giving Carol and Mike a free pass on this one....letting them move on with their lives with no further heartache.....Just saying.

Its bitterly cold here. Trying to get my head around what needs to be done and what I don't want to attempt....its a constant struggle..

To all my Indigo family ~ may you find each day one thing that makes you smile even if its just for a minute...Mine "Muttley Dog" tilting the head straining to understand my people speak. :D

Addendum ~ Cold dark night here...no Super Moon.....so I turn to music...Found these guys. An Australian Band from Western Australia. This is Circles...sums me up about now.. B)

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Hello My Friends

I too did not see the moon, because of overcase - so Thanks for posting a picture.

Today, Michelle and I are spending some time together for our Mothers Day. She wants to do something next Sunday and asked if we could spend this Sunday as Mother's Day - Sure my sweet girl!!

We are going to the Botanical Gardens in Whitnall Park. My Mom was a vollenteer there. Each time we go there, different flowers are in bloom. Love it.

Just a sweet hello to all my friends-who-know.

Colleen, Brian's Mother 4ever

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. Thank you for the inquiry to see my art Dee, I feel kind of embarrassed cause it isn't that great. I unfortunately have not maintained taking pictures of my stuff over the years. My good stuff is hanging on people's walls and I failed to even take a pic. I do have a few things that I could show you guys, but I am still figuring out who I am as an artist. I like people and portraits, but everything else too. Abstract is also fun. I was once told that I had to decide. wink.gifWell.....I like it all. Let me see if I can get some pics with my IPad and post a few things in the gallery?~~~~~~LOVE, MADDY




			
		
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Tried to post some pics of my dog Henry using copy & paste and it won't work. Suggestions?

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JD's Mom, Becky

Thanks, Maddy for asking about my health. Right hand is so numb, that it makes it hard to type or write. Now I am dropping things. I have had the MRI and tuesday I meet with the doctor to read it and hopefully give me some news as to how to proceed. The pain in my neck and right shoulder is constant.

This has been the hardest week for me. I don't know because I don't feel well, or what but I have broken down everyday over something. Yesterday, I was sitting on the toilet, just after getting out of the shower, and my hair started dripping on the floor making spots of water, and suddenly I was back to coming in the house that evening and being in that same spot, looking at the floor and the sink, and the mess Jared had left wetting and combing his hair. I remember thinking, "well he couldn't have been gone long, cause here's all this water. I had come in and called his name, and he didn't answer, and then I called out the back door into the yard, and still no answer, then had to go to the bathroom, and that's when I noticed all the water, usually a sign that he's done his hair as he would before going anywhere.....

I have had a couple of angry outbursts here as of late, because people have just rubbed me the wrong way.... and where I would normally have been more tolerant, I don't have it in me. Time is going by way too fast, and I am not keeping up with it....have no desire to. I know people don't get it, and assume we have moved on but that is so far from the truth. I rarely go out, and when I do, I can't wait to be back home, surrounded by his pictures, his things.... him.

I have been keeping up with reading here, and my heart to all of you that share this struggle.

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I I think of you all often and you are all in my thoughts and prayers . I haven't been able to keep up here lately. It's

all an little over whelming at times. My brain still functions like mush and I am going to be diagnosed for PTSD this

month. My dad (92) has been in teh hospital 3 times this year and in rehabs twice he is there now. The last time he

came home it was for 2 weeks . back in hospital again tehn to a rehab. He has been gone more than home this year

this after Amber being killed =( I most recently found out my black Lab has mutiple tumors and I won't be graced by

her love and compainionship much longer .. She hasd been like a child to me I love her so much <3 The sentencing

for the inmate that killed my daughter is May 24 one week before Amber and her twin would have turned 21 together

now Emily will turn 21 a twinless twin =(

Now this

Torture...

Why is it that the %^&*! who KILLED my child seems to have more RIGHTS than I do

and is able to continue to TORTURE me from a jail cell? Killing my child wasn't torture enough?

He is able to contact my family through a third party asking for his IPOD!! Like his IPOD is a

priority when sitting in jail after he has KILLED my precious daughter !! He is able to have

his "homies" post on his Facebook GARBAGE that he has written.. and the most recent

appalling act you might ask?

He has teh menatla ignorance to have someone leave a card at teh CRASH site where he took

my daughters life. The only place I go to find a little peace has now been tainted by him. The

card is written in jail house pencil and acts as if my daughter is ALIVE !!! He acts as if this is a

temporary separation of sorts and they will be or are still together. I won't go into all the hideous

details but I will say is horrific PS

his pathetic words ..

P.S.

Have I told you

how beautiful you

are today? ( winking smile)

Te amo babe !

Needless to say I was more than a little ANGRY .. I kept the card and believe me the DA will be seeing it.

The Judge made an "order" of sorts in court stating to stop with the online or social network posts and to

let others know who aren't in court that is his words. So now leaving messages in person is OK??

He has shown no remorse or sorrow for what happened and now he is leaving notes/cards acting as

if my daughter is still here .. saying Have I told you how beautiful you are today !!! I have no words

for this scum of the earth, other than he is pathetic an delusional .

Thanks to all for letting me vent

Love Hugs Prayers

Amber's momma

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Robyn - Amber's Momma,

I am so sorry for the anguish you are experiencing. While I lost my daughter, my circumstances were much different, and knowing Amber's death was the result of his young man's negligence is indeed a bitter pill to swallow. I am sorry for the heartache and anger you feel and that in addition to Amber's loss you, justifiably so, have to deal with strong emotions against this negligent young man and his continued actions. I am glad you are able to come here and vent to us. Sometimes we need to do that and it does help. I also am sorry that you have so many other struggles while you are grieving the loss of your precious Amber. Your dad, your dog, and having to face her birthday with her twin sister and no Amber. I know this is all horrible, painful circumstances you are in. We are here and we care. Please come back and talk to us whenever you need to. We care and we will listen. You are not alone. We all know the raw pain you feel. The brain fog. The anger. We have all endured the tragically painful reality of losing our child. We understand.~~~~LOVE, MADDY

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Jeff's Mom

So sorry to see so many struggling today. My heart goes out to all of you. Ambers Momma...very sick person doing that with the card. Becky...I'm feeling for you today. Please take care of yourself. Trudi...sorry that winter has hit and you are feeling the chill both temp wise and from relatives.

Just wondering if the thought of Mother's Day a week today has us all reflecting more then ever on our loss. I know it started to really get to me when I started to see the cards, etc. come out in the stores. Another difficult day to get through. I cannot help but wonder if every special occasion will be looked upon with dread. Gosh, I hope not.

Carol and Ralph...thinking of you guys and sending prayers and wishes for a positive outcome. Take care.

Maddy...I am looking forward to seeing your pictures when you are able. Good luck with those classes over the next two weeks.

Susan...thinking of you and your sweet Shannon. Hope Ragan did well at her school presentation on Wednesday.

Woke up to a very overcast day. It is now raining cats and dogs. And I am very glad for it as we need the moisture to green things us. Dee, I am envious of your early blooming time. Hope you are fine and taking advantage of working in your garden.

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ericasmom

Amber's Mom, I am sorry for all that you are going through...I hope sentencing goes in your favor...not that it can ever undo what we wish, but to have him pay somewhat for his actions.

Well a big storm passed through here after being told by weather people that it would be sunny all day and WARM until this eve when more rain was coming in. Well, mixed it up again. So it is cool and maybe going to clear up for a bit, don't know. We are under a flood watch due to the predictions for 3 inches to fall tonight. Lucky for me, I took a walk when it was suny and warm this morning, with my niece Kari who is in from Sarasota. She and many of her cousins, siblings, and my Son and sisters joined last night as a group of 15 and ate dinner at a local establishment. It was a fun night. I have school work to do so I will get on that but with more clouds, I may also nap.

Kate, sounds to me that Jeff was present when you went to that nursery, making sure that you found the plants he hid for you. Wonderful. I know that you say we are lucky to have our blossoms, but I do fear what will still be blossoming in July with so much so early. We'll see.

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mysonrich

Stephen, Stephen, Stephen. Saying Your Name out Loud!

Betty, may your once tiny bundle of joy, your young man, your grown son: Stephen, stop by for a gentle kiss upon your cheek, with twinkle in your eyes in your thoughts today of re-memories. Little Victories.

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tobyfreefoot

oh my beautiful son where are you? i need you. i keep falling in this sad hole and i don't know how to avoid it. i'm trying honey i really am. you know how much i've leaned on you and vis - versa. i can make it but i miss you so much sometimes. you have been in my dreams several nights. thank you. i love seeing you. please don't stop.

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STEPHEN STEPHEN STEPHEN B)

Betty ~ Thinking of you and your precious only son Stephen....It really can't be 5yrs since you last saw him, spoke to him. May today be a day for you to remember him with a smile...

I read somewhere you kept his precious engine in your living room so he could eventually rebuild his racing car....Now that's a love only a mother knows.... :)

A candle for Stephen and you Betty..

post-271120-0-05964400-1336349433_thumb.

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Betty, I don't come here anymore...in fact, I haven't even taken time to read any posts...but, this seemed like the appropriate place for me to tell you I am thinking of you today. You have always offered encouragement, understanding and validation during my darkest days. You have one of the kindest hearts I've ever witnessed. You are one classy lady...absolutely the best. Five years. It takes my breath away just to think about it. My heart to you, my friend!

STEPHEN STEPHEN STEPHEN STEPHEN STEPHEN NEVER FORGOTTEN!

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lostwoher

To my dear friend Betty,

Yes I am here today just to let you know how much I am thinking of you and your precious Angel Stephen. A candle is lit in his honor and I am sending you virtual hugs.

Stephen StEPhEn STEPHEN

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Jeff's Mom

oh my beautiful son where are you? i need you. i keep falling in this sad hole and i don't know how to avoid it. i'm trying honey i really am. you know how much i've leaned on you and vis - versa. i can make it but i miss you so much sometimes. you have been in my dreams several nights. thank you. i love seeing you. please don't stop.

Oh Gretchen...hang in there sweetie. It is so hard. But he knows how much you love him. I am so happy that you are able to dream of him and connect in this way. When it happens to me I feel so refreshed and happy. Don't lose hope. The ache will slowly dull and you will begin to find a warm and peaceful place where you will carry him in your heart and thoughts. It does take time. I know how sick I am of hearing that. But it does. Be kind to yourself. He would want that. You owe it to yourself and to him.

Kate

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daveydow1

STEPHEN........STEPHEN.......STEPHEN........SAYING YOUR NAME, AND REMEMBERING YOU.

I've been having computer troubles......had a virus. Took me forever to fix it. Hope it will be ok now.

Betty-----Wishing you a little dream of your beloved son, Stephen. Peace & comfort, my friend.

Maddy-----The guilt does seem to subside in time. The only thing is......we seem to have so

much 'time' somehow, without our dear child/children. I pray that the guilt you feel will subside.

I do artwork too, but don't feel like I'm much good at it. I have only done one painting since

Davey died, but I did find enjoyment in doing it. However,.....there doesn't seem to have been

any inspiration to create anything. I made a New Years resolution of 2 things......to redecorate

my basement rooms.....(that's mostly done now), and to get back to artwork..(painting). Lately,

I've had more incentive, so I hope to get back to it. Keep up with your art, Maddy.....I think that

when one can do it,......that it is a source of solace & comfort.

Dee-----You mentioned that nature and routine were what helped you after ERi left this world.

I agree so much.......especially being in nature's wonders......right in the midst of it.

Betsy------I, too, remember when someone on BI said to 'tell the guilt to go away', and find

that it can help to tell oneself that. You said that sometimes we need to give ourselves a good

'talking-to'. I try to do that when I get down-in-the-dumps.

Leah----Good to see your posts. I'm sorry for all the load you are carrying. Always come back

and talk to us here. We all understand. Sending prayers that things will work out for the

better for you & your family. Sorry to hear you mom is not doing well. Peace & prayers for all.

Kate-----Wow ! ......the large moon was spectacular. I tried taking a pic, but didn't know how it

would turn out with just an inexpensive digital camera, but thought.....what the heck.......what have

I got to lose ! ? The pics were not good, but I did so enjoy looking at that huge orb in the night sky.

Colleen----So glad that you & Michelle spent a nice day at the Botanical Gardens. Good Mom & Daughter time.

Melancholy day yesterday ,.... May 5. Baby Lisa Kaye's birthday.......

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry+

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Hello My Dear Indigos

Yes today it has been 5 yeas since I lost my only reason for living, Stephen. The members of this Indigo Family held me up and cared and showed me a way to live with the re memories of my special son. Thank you all

Susannah what a special treat to read your message and hear your kind words I miss sharing your joy, sadness and humor

Sherry Happy Birthday baby Lisa In my thoughts so very often

Trudi Thank you for the beautiful words and the candle;. Yes, when Stephen was 18 he purchased a fast 1967 Camaro and decided to rebuild it into a race car. Unfortunately we lived in an apartment and no garage !!He saw no problem there and proceeded to removed the engine and set it up on an engine stand in the living room :unsure: Oh what sweet rememories --- He did rebuild the car and race it . He was so proud. :rolleyes:

Betsy thank your for your wonderful message and for remembering how much he loved Bruce and his Little Victories.

Colleen Thank you for remembering Loved your message of hope

To all the other Indigos who supported me these long years Thank you I would not be here without you

Dee, Sherry, Carol,Kathy, Rhonda, Leah, Kate, Lorri, Dan, Sonya, Maryann and all the other Indigos's who touched my heart Thank you for today and everyday Your kindness is outstanding

Carol and Ralph and Dee in my prayers

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Stephen

Remembering you today

Smile sweetly upon your mom Betty

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Jeff's Mom

Stephen,Stephen,Stephen, wrap your arms around your mother today and give her all the love and happiness you shared from past memories. Thinking ofyou Betty.

Kate

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Jeff's Mom

Ralph & Carol...holding you in my prayers and thoughts. Good luck tomorrow. God Bless You.

Hey Ralph...bets on. Jays take Red Sox! I'm giving it to you on a platter. But then the underdog often wins. HMMM...we shall see. :D

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JD's Mom, Becky

Betty: May you feel Stephen's presence around you today. ♥

Gretchen: I feel you. I know, I know, I know. Hang in there. I don't dream, but wish desperately that I could. I so want to hear Jared's voice and see his smiling face. I used to do videos all the time, but the kids broke my video camera, in fact I am pretty certain it was Jared (JD) that knocked it over while on the tripod.

Carol & Mike: Prayers for you, may God send peace and comfort to you as you face this trial.

Kate: Thanks for your kind thoughts. I went this afternoon to the football equipment shed where we were doing sizing on the new group of boys for this season, and found that other than putting checkmarks on the pages, I can't write. The strange part is, that not having use of my hand is inconvenient, and my neck hurts like I don't know what, but I feel guilty even complaining at all about pain. Everything feels insignificant compared to what my son endured.

Susannah: If you check back in, I wanted to say how much I miss you being here. ♥

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ericasmom

STEPHEN, I know that you are sitting on your Momma's shoulder blessing her with your presence and light.

Betty, five years is a long while to walk along this path, but I am so glad that in this sadness, we meet such a fine person as you. Stephen must be so proud of you, his beloved Mom.

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summergirl

Betty - wanted to stop in and say that I am thinking of you today and your sweet Angel son Stephen....may you be blessed with his presence surrounding you. Hugs to you knowing how hard it is no matter how many years go by....Love Kathy

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Jeff's Mom

Amber's Mom, I am sorry for all that you are going through...I hope sentencing goes in your favor...not that it can ever undo what we wish, but to have him pay somewhat for his actions.

Well a big storm passed through here after being told by weather people that it would be sunny all day and WARM until this eve when more rain was coming in. Well, mixed it up again. So it is cool and maybe going to clear up for a bit, don't know. We are under a flood watch due to the predictions for 3 inches to fall tonight. Lucky for me, I took a walk when it was suny and warm this morning, with my niece Kari who is in from Sarasota. She and many of her cousins, siblings, and my Son and sisters joined last night as a group of 15 and ate dinner at a local establishment. It was a fun night. I have school work to do so I will get on that but with more clouds, I may also nap.

Kate, sounds to me that Jeff was present when you went to that nursery, making sure that you found the plants he hid for you. Wonderful. I know that you say we are lucky to have our blossoms, but I do fear what will still be blossoming in July with so much so early. We'll see.

Dee, so glad that you had a great time last night. I know what you are saying about the flowers. My gardens are so confused they do not know what is going to happen next. One minute it is sunny and warm and the next we are having chilly almost freezing nights. Everything is stalled in coming up. The tulips and daffodils are dwarfed. Tonight we are having a terrific thunderstorm and rain, Yet about two hours ago it was clear and lovely. It is just all over the place. Every few hours it seems to change. The lake is really brewing up tonight. Waves crashing on shore and wind blowing like crazy.

Yes, I would like to think that Jeff had a part in my obtaining those much sought after plants. Really can't explain it otherwise. I went in with my list carefully written out. My heart sank when a couple of the ones I really wanted were sold out to landscape designers, or appeared to be. We just kept walking along and looking at other plants. And there tucked in amongst the plants that were not even perennials were my two beauties. I walked out a happy camper.

Take care of yourself.

Kate

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ericasmom

Storming here again this evening, an odd out of sorts kind of day. I napped for an hour and a half and am ready for more sleep now as the thunder sounds and the lightning zippers the sky.

Susannah, so nice of you to come send your hope to Betty, hope all is well.

Lynn, wow, great to see you here.

Kathy, I did not tell you the other day how I am hoping that things work their way out for you. I know that you are feeling stressed. I am sorry.

Becky, your neck and subsequent hand and arm issues really sound like a pinched nerve or cervical spine issues. It may need physical therapy. Did anyone put you in a neck brace, you know the velcro kind, just to allow you to not have to use all of your energy to keep your head a certain way, the brace does it and gives you a bit of a break. Are you able to sleep with this pain. By the way, physical pain like this is very difficult, don't sell yourself short. No, nothing is like the pain of losing a child, but the energy it takes to do anything when your back or neck are out is overwhelming. Keep us posted as to what the doctors find.

Trudi, I am so sorry that the kids are at the other Grandmoms and that you are less involved right now with the kids. The potato day sounds like it was a big success. The school sounds like a delightful one. Peace is what I pray for your family, peaceful times, unity, and appreciation.

Gretchen, keep talking to your Boy, he hears you. He knows.

Carol, I said it the other day and just saying it again tonight as you and Mike count the hours till surgery; May the love and lives you share bring great peace to your hearts, to your spirits. Prayers will run throughout.

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tobyfreefoot

sorry i haven't been here for anyone else lately, lots of stress moving my dad. got stung by a scorpion today making it hard to type.

carol i do want you know i'm thinking of you guys

but i wanted to share this story. my best friend of 44 yrs. was trying to tell me something last week but just kept crying. she called tonight crying again but got it out. she said she was on a plane listening to this song when there was suddenly severe turbulence (the kind that makes stewardesses strap in) she has always gotten motion sickness, she said she was scared when she looked up at a little girl in front of her playing with a bracelet with little teardrops on it. the sun burst through the clouds and made little reflections of light all over the walls of the plane (you are flecks of light) she said then she heard forest's voice in her head in his calm logical way* saying "lynette, it doesn't matter. either you land just fine or you don't. either way you're going to be ok." she said after that she felt perfectly calm and reassured.

she also apologized for crying! she said i'm always choking up and you are always doing ok-LOL i told her about my every two weeks break downs and she said oh good, i'm glad to hear that.

*(here is a quote someone put on forest's site "Ok now can you explain that again? This time using logic?" -Forest Sharp)

another surprise for me!! i went to may the forest be with you site to get this quote and discovered his friend james had found two videos of him having fake sword fights. i didn't know anyone had any more footage of him!! so happy to see it!

Copenhagen - Lucinda Williams

Thundering news hits me like a snowball

struck in my face and shattering

Covering me in a fine powder and mist

and mixing in with my tears

And I'm 57 but I could be 7 years old,

Cos I will never be able

to comprehend the expansiveness

of what I've just learned

But you, have disappeared

You have been released

You are flecks of light

You are missed

Somewhere, spinning round the sun

Circling the moon

Traveling through time

You are missed

Walking through unfamiliar streets

and I'm shaking unfamiliar hands

and I'm hearing unfamiliar laughs

and lovely language I don't understand

It's late October in Copenhagen

The skies are grey, the snow is falling

I see my breath outside, I'm freezing

I'm motionless, I'm disbelieving

But you, have disappeared

You have been released

You are flecks of light

You are missed

Somewhere, spinning round the sun

Circling the moon

Traveling through time

You are missed

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mikesmomrs

Hello my indigo family...a long, busy day o Saturday with all the grandies here (except for Kim's two girls, who were sorely missed), as well as Kim, Cathi, and young Mike's friend, Denis. Most of the day was light, with thoughts only of having a good time, making memories and sharing our love for each other. Woven throughout this bittersweet day were the hidden most times and not so hidden other times threads of fear...each of the grandsons totally aware that there is the very real chance this may be the last time they spend the day with their beloved papa/grandpa. (All of the grandkids call hubby papa, except for Davis, who has always called him grandpa.) We managed somehow to keep the mood joyous throughout the day with sometimes reflective looks on each of their faces at one point or another throughout the day....the words spoken out loud on this day that are not often heard, but usually "felt" throughout our gatherings. We all gathered to eat at a favorite pizza place, then returned to our house for a good time with make-your-own sundaes, the boys rushing outside afterwards to play when the sun finally came out. A quick drive to the local playground found them all much more full of energy than Kim, Cathi and me put together! Memories flooded my brain and overflowed in my heart as they all climbed onto a tire construction that is meant to be rocked and rolled and tosses the occupants about as though in a huge storm at sea...their laughter and giggles (yes, even the older boys were reduced to the giggles) as I vigorously whipped the chains of the structure back and forth, faster and faster, til these old muscles gave out and they couldn't catch their breath through the giggles.

Later, the tears threatened as each of them left for their homes, coming to tell their papa how much they love him and for him to take care. Especially heartbreaking was young Mike's two older boys, as they each embraced their papa tightly, not wanting to let go. You could feel their fears as the tears spilled over, as likely they felt once again that early terrible pain of losing their dad, and now feared losing their beloved papa to the same insidious disease that took their dad from them. We reassured them with love, but we could not promise that all would be well---it would be cruel to make such a promise to these young boys who had already lost so much and now feared losing even more. We could only let them see that we are ever hopeful and constantly praying to God for strength for this journey. Damon, Mike's youngest is, of course too young too understand the seriousness of the situation, and Sarah chose not to expose him to the fear. I felt that he should have at least been told that his papa was very sick and needed the doctor to help him, but we had to abide by her wishes. She is his mom, and she does what she feels is best for him. So far, she's done a wonderul job of doing just that, but I think he should have at least been told that his papa was,going in to the hospital, with a short explanation of his being sick and needing help. I don't know if I am right or not, I can only pray that,the best ithing for him (Damon) is what's being done.

It is late now (or early, as the case may be...it is 3:53 am) and sleep has eluded me this night. Now I have to get ready to go to,the hospital with hubby. I will post again later. The surgery,is expected to take 8-10 hours, but I will check in througout the day. As we all know, coming here, being "with" our family here, is comforting, and a good place to go when you need a friend(s), for sure.

BETTY: I am sorry I didnt post earlier about Stephen...I pray he surroundedmyou with his sweet spirit and you felt him about you all day. Love to you, dear lady.

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ericasmom

Gretchen, I love that Forest came through so clearly in your Friend's flight and soothed her. I do believe, always have, that our Angels are all around us. SCORPION? yikes, that is scary, are you okay? Do you need medical treatment?

Carol, I was awake so often last night that I am sure we shared thinking space across the miles. May this day somehow cradle you in the warmth of the love that surrounds you all and may Mike wake up later today with that love filling him and helping him heal. Peace Peace Peace.

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Prayers and thoughts your way today Carol And Mike.

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Thinking of you today, Carol as Mike undergoes his surgery. May God guide the hands of the nurses and doctors and may our angels sing to Mike.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

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Jeff's Mom

We are here for you today Carol and Mike. Praying for the very best outcome!

Kate

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Jeff's Mom

We are here for you today Carol and Mike. Praying for the very best outcome!

Kate

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Well My Friends,

One word to describe this weather - - RAIN. Cloud-Bursts is more like it. Instead of a nice steady rain through-out the day - the skies would turn wierd shades and the heavens would open up and just pour. This lasted about 20 minutes and then the next one would come.

Luckily, it was Sunday and I could laze around the house.

Hope the weather is better in the other parts of the country!!

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

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darlenestark

Yesterday was my son Omar's wedding, my family's first time all together since Ali's funeral four months ago. My fleur de lis pendant filled with Ali's ashes was around my neck, and I held his little urn against my heart as I walked Omar down the aisle and posed for pictures. At the reception, I set the urn on the table at the seat next to mine. When my children and grandchildren and I gathered to take a family picture, the song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" started playing and we all broke down. We didn't get a picture - there will never be a complete photo of our family again. Our very last family picture was three years ago, at Ali's wedding...

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westleysmom

Carol-Praying for Mike's surgery to be a success today and waiting for your updates. Hugs

Betty-Sorry I missed Stephen's angel day, sweet lady. I hope that you could feel his presence yesterday and always.

Becky-Definitely sounds like what my husband experienced a few years ago with the pain, he ended up having to have surgery, which was successful. I hope you are able to recover without it, but if not, wanted to let you know that surgery does work.

Leah-Sorry you are still having such a hard time. Good to see you and JaBoa's beautiful smile.

So many posts that I can't remember how to reply to all, but you are all always in my thoughts.

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tobyfreefoot

carol-may faith and love sustain you as you wait for your sweetheart's smile to grace you again.

dee-not a big deal. 3rd time i've been stung. the scorpions here are the size of crickets not like you see in nat'l geo lol! i just put ice and some topical neosporin + on it, just causes some kinda intense stinging, throbbing and numbness though it did aggravate the nerve damage i have in that hand as i had three fingers (one not completely, was reattached), 10 inches of tendon and 4 of nerves pulled off my right hand 10 years ago and i ended up with rsd. it is feeling a bit better than yesterday.

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Jeff's Mom

Gretchen that does indeed sound sore! How did you make out with your Dad?

Becky, how are you doing today? And does anyone have any idea what time Ralph was having his surgery? anxious to find out any news.

Colleen...it is a very dull day today in our neck of the woods as well. We have had a significant amount of rain over the past few days. Strange in that it will rain and then a few hours later clear up. Just when you think you are safe... it clouds up again and down it comes again. Crazy weather. But we sure need it where I live. Things are turning green nicely and everything has taken on such a lovely fresh spring look. I love the scent of rain in the air.

Linda and Leah...hope you are both doing okay today. Thinking of everyone. Take care.

Kate

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ericasmom

Leah, I am so sorry that I have not responded to your post. I get so tangled up in names, sorry. How are you? I am sorry that your Daughter is not doing well. I pray that that will change so that life can settle down for the Children and for YOU! I am also sorry that you and Husband feel far from each other. Prayer and hope to you.

Darlene, it must have been shattering when that song came on, I know that the first time I heard that song after Eri died I fell completely apart, COMPLETELY, in a restaurant, had to leave. I am happy for Omar, the bitter with the sweet and we thank heavens for the Sweet.

Mike's surgery was to 8 or so hours long, so all day Kate.

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Jeff's Mom

Leah, I am so sorry that I have not responded to your post. I get so tangled up in names, sorry. How are you? I am sorry that your Daughter is not doing well. I pray that that will change so that life can settle down for the Children and for YOU! I am also sorry that you and Husband feel far from each other. Prayer and hope to you.

Darlene, it must have been shattering when that song came on, I know that the first time I heard that song after Eri died I fell completely apart, COMPLETELY, in a restaurant, had to leave. I am happy for Omar, the bitter with the sweet and we thank heavens for the Sweet.

Mike's surgery was to 8 or so hours long, so all day Kate.

Thanks, Dee. Just heading out for the evening. Will check to see how things are later tonight.

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mikesmomrs

Hello all: The following is a post that I put on Mike's Care Pages site. It is brief, but I just wanted to let everyone know how it's going. I will post more tomorrow when we know more. It has been a very long night last night (NO sleep) and day today.

just want to let everyone know that Mike is out of surgery. He is still in recovery due to some blood pressure problems they are still trying to work out. They could not get the tumor out due to its being wrapped around an artery. HOWEVER, doc said it seems to have been shrunk considerably from the radiation and whatever is left (possibly 20% or less) will likely be slow growing. What this boils down to (and I am shortening this very much due to my having to go back in the recovery room soon) is that because there has not been any spreading of the tumor, Mike will have two years...maybe a little longer, maybe a little shorter...I choose to believe in the 'longer' and I know that when he is fully awake and aware, that will be his belief choice also. (we had been told by the doctor that if he got in there and found any metastasis, he would not be able to do anything, and MIke would have 6 months to a year, maybe. So, the two years (and he said it would likely be a good two years) is a gift we thank God for. .

Meantime, I offer our praise and thanksgiving to God for bringing him safely thus far, and I ask that you continue with your prayers and good wishes for a good recovery for him and for strength for us all to keep moving along, staying close to our faith in God that He knows what He is doing and we can only take one day at a time. Thank you all so very much for your continued support, love and prayers.

He was awake a while ago and, of course, cracked a couple of jokes in his very hoarse, weak voice...he is still with us, humor and all...thank and praise God! While in with him after the doctor left and Mike was awake enough to know that the surgery had ended early and why, he asked the nurse if the doctor was coming back later tonight. She said that she did not think so, and mike said "oh, so that's why he cut the surgery short...he just wanted to go home!"

Depending on how the night goes, I may be back on later. I think I am going to have to sleep in the ICU waiting room...haven't found out yet if I can stay in his room yet. If so, I may come back on, as I know likely I won't sleep much and we have the use of a computer out here. Kim is still here with me; Cathi had to leave to go back to work tomorrow.

I have a funny story to share about a duck and a quack and how the history of this story has continued into today. I have to go now, though, so saying thank you ALL so very, very much for your support, love, caring and praying. Praying continues...love to all.

ps: dont' know why all these red-colored words are showing up, but oh well. just ignore the color.

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Carol,

I know you must be exhausted. Thank you for letting us know. Have been praying and thinking (trying not to worry) about you all day today. Hopefully you can get some rest tonight. I am glad Mike made it through the surgery so very well and sorry the tumor was not able to be fully retrieved. But thankful your spirits are high and yes, praise God with you for watching over Mike. And certainly Mike can live much longer than 2 years. Doctors do an amazing work, and I know you are thankful to his doctor, but they do not know everything. We are here and standing with you.

Love,

Maddy

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Jeff's Mom

Hello all: The following is a post that I put on Mike's Care Pages site. It is brief, but I just wanted to let everyone know how it's going. I will post more tomorrow when we know more. It has been a very long night last night (NO sleep) and day today.

just want to let everyone know that Mike is out of surgery. He is still in recovery due to some blood pressure problems they are still trying to work out. They could not get the tumor out due to its being wrapped around an artery. HOWEVER, doc said it seems to have been shrunk considerably from the radiation and whatever is left (possibly 20% or less) will likely be slow growing. What this boils down to (and I am shortening this very much due to my having to go back in the recovery room soon) is that because there has not been any spreading of the tumor, Mike will have two years...maybe a little longer, maybe a little shorter...I choose to believe in the 'longer' and I know that when he is fully awake and aware, that will be his belief choice also. (we had been told by the doctor that if he got in there and found any metastasis, he would not be able to do anything, and MIke would have 6 months to a year, maybe. So, the two years (and he said it would likely be a good two years) is a gift we thank God for. .

Meantime, I offer our praise and thanksgiving to God for bringing him safely thus far, and I ask that you continue with your prayers and good wishes for a good recovery for him and for strength for us all to keep moving along, staying close to our faith in God that He knows what He is doing and we can only take one day at a time. Thank you all so very much for your continued support, love and prayers.

He was awake a while ago and, of course, cracked a couple of jokes in his very hoarse, weak voice...he is still with us, humor and all...thank and praise God! While in with him after the doctor left and Mike was awake enough to know that the surgery had ended early and why, he asked the nurse if the doctor was coming back later tonight. She said that she did not think so, and mike said "oh, so that's why he cut the surgery short...he just wanted to go home!"

Depending on how the night goes, I may be back on later. I think I am going to have to sleep in the ICU waiting room...haven't found out yet if I can stay in his room yet. If so, I may come back on, as I know likely I won't sleep much and we have the use of a computer out here. Kim is still here with me; Cathi had to leave to go back to work tomorrow.

I have a funny story to share about a duck and a quack and how the history of this story has continued into today. I have to go now, though, so saying thank you ALL so very, very much for your support, love, caring and praying. Praying continues...love to all.

ps: dont' know why all these red-colored words are showing up, but oh well. just ignore the color.

Carol, thank you so much for letting us know. I know how exhausted you must be. I am sure you will get a much better sleep tonight. Glad to see that Kim is still with you. Good news and glad to see that Ralph is still cracking his jokes! Take care.

Kate

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tobyfreefoot

carol such great news!! technology advances so rapidly these days the two year reprieve may end up being much more than that. keeping you in my heart!

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Carol ~ Great news all round. From the bleakest outlook less than a year ago to a wisecracking guy in recovery....You my dear have one special guy there.

If we're voting...I go for the long haul ;) Love to you both.

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Carol - So glad to hear the surgery went well. You must feel better, even though exhausted.

Prayers continue for his healing and a long and happy life for you both! Take care!

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