Loss of an Adult Child

[lolynbo]

WENT TO CEMETERY AS I USUALLY DO EVERY DAY....FOUND MY SELF...NEEDING AND ALMOST PUTTING MY HAND OVER MY MOUTH CAUSE I HAD THE URGE TO JUST SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM......

[echofc]

I thought I was doing so well dealing with Stacy's death. That is until Friday and I don't know what triggered it but can't stop crying. It has been 17 weeks and I feel so lonely and don't know how to start getting my life back together.

Sue

[lolynbo]

SUE, LIFE AS IT WAS IS DIFF...THIS IS OUR NORMAL NEW LIFE....ONE DAY AT A TIME ...ONE STEP AT A TIME...HUGGGGS

[ericasmom]

Sue, could be a big piece of protective covering has shed itself, that shock that allows us to carry on for a time is an amazing thing, but eventually, parts of it fall away and we are left rather raw and facing the loss anew. You will find your way Sue, but there are many ups and downs and so when you are having a hard day or days, know that we are here, ready to hold your hands and heart as you struggle your way into the sunlight again.

Kath, I feel the same way about setting the clocks back, I wish that we could keep the clocks as they were as we enter the middle of autumn. I don't like that early darkness. Sounds like a good time last eve, glad that you had that.

[mikesmomrs]

DEE...so glad to hear that the big day was indeed so wonderful. So glad u had such avoid time and danced yourself silly..sounds like tons of fun.

SHARON...I too am so very sorry that u hve to carry so much and sending prayers and strength to you and to your husband and Ragen. You are having to deal with so much.

I will be SO glad when I get home and can go back to posting from a pc again...this one-finger typing is getting really old!

DIANE...I know how difficult weekends are for you...hoping u r making it through this one okay...I don't know why, but the set ur time back weekend always disturbs me...maybe I just wish they wld move it ahead and leave it there!

SHERRY...Glad to hear your kitty is better...we do get attached to them, don't we...though we Hvnt had any since the kitty we had that laid beside mike in his bed every day those last two weeks til mike died...her name was "Bree." After mike died I just cldnt handle the allergy impact any longer and Cathi took her. I take allergy meds every day (took shots for 18your yrs), but they just don't work for cats.

As I have said before, when I am posting from ralphs phone, I cannot see what I am writing past a line or two and can't see any of the previous posts so I tend to not reply to some of the postings...I hve been reading every day and hold u all close in my heart as always.

Tomorrow is our last full day here with Kim and the girls...we leave for home on tues, will get there on Friday. Will miss them, but will be SO glad to be home again! However, part of me dreads going home becuz as soon as we get there we will need to deal with Davis and his further addictive behaviors.

Got to go...girls want to go to the pool before bed. We had a really good time today...went to the Virginia aquarium and also spent some time on the beach...weather was windy but warmer than yesterday...tomorrow is supposed to be even warmer...we may rent bikes for a cple hours.

LORRI....sorry abt the EQ, but glad u r safe.

I wanted to say something to kate but can't remember what it was...will post it next time, hopefully I will remember what it was.

SUS...glad u r willing to try to deal with the kitty allergies; hope something works.

KATHY....hugs to you...sending strength and prayers re BJ...I do know how hard it is and it is about to get harder here once we get home and have to confront Davis.

Luv to you all...got to Git.

[mikesmomrs]

Susan...my sincerest apologies...I've been calling you Sharon...so very sorry.

[Susie_q512]

Susan...my sincerest apologies...I've been calling you Sharon...so very sorry.

No worries. Truth be told, I didn't notice....shows the state of my mind, I guess

[Jeff's Mom]

WENT TO CEMETERY AS I USUALLY DO EVERY DAY....FOUND MY SELF...NEEDING AND ALMOST PUTTING MY HAND OVER MY MOUTH CAUSE I HAD THE URGE TO JUST SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM......

Lorri...no problem there...I went to the site this summer. The wind was blowing strongly over the lake and the waves were high.I looked back over the trails and they were so beautiful. The trees were lush and green and blowing in the wind. I turned and shouted out at the top of my lungs. "Jeff, where are you?" IT FELT GOOD.

[Susie_q512]

WENT TO CEMETERY AS I USUALLY DO EVERY DAY....FOUND MY SELF...NEEDING AND ALMOST PUTTING MY HAND OVER MY MOUTH CAUSE I HAD THE URGE TO JUST SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM......

Lorri - I can feel your scream. I want to scream too. I want to scream until there is no voice left. I want to rage. Maybe one day I will. I went to the roadside memorial today. Sat on the side of the road and cried. Stood where my daughter lost her life. Picked up more pieces of broken glass and car. Looked at the spot they poured stuff to soak up the blood. Most evidence her blood was washed away, but she bled out and washing didn't get it all off the sidewalk. I can still see spatters of dried blood on the surface of that sidewalk. The blood, glass, car pieces, ruts in the grass and the memorial are all reminders that this has happened. Yet still I say, "Is this real? It can't be real!" That piece of earth is sacred to me now. Always will be I suppose. Don't know if I will ever reconcile this event. Often question why evil people prosper and good people die or suffer disabilities and disease? It doesn't make sense. Never has. Never will. Life is such a contradiction: filled with beauty and ugliness, joy and sorrow, beginnings and endings.....sometimes it just plain stinks!

[lolynbo]

Maybe nxt time I will scream. As I was leaving I noticed a man at his wife's grave good thing I didn't cuz they might have hauled me off.

Sacred ground. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine that. Life is so so sad.

[Jeff's Mom]

Lorri - I can feel your scream. I want to scream too. I want to scream until there is no voice left. I want to rage. Maybe one day I will. I went to the roadside memorial today. Sat on the side of the road and cried. Stood where my daughter lost her life. Picked up more pieces of broken glass and car. Looked at the spot they poured stuff to soak up the blood. Most evidence her blood was washed away, but she bled out and washing didn't get it all off the sidewalk. I can still see spatters of dried blood on the surface of that sidewalk. The blood, glass, car pieces, ruts in the grass and the memorial are all reminders that this has happened. Yet still I say, "Is this real? It can't be real!" That piece of earth is sacred to me now. Always will be I suppose. Don't know if I will ever reconcile this event. Often question why evil people prosper and good people die or suffer disabilities and disease? It doesn't make sense. Never has. Never will. Life is such a contradiction: filled with beauty and ugliness, joy and sorrow, beginnings and endings.....sometimes it just plain stinks!

Life often does not seem fair. We can't explain why bad things happen to good people. But they do. It must have been very hard for you to have gone there today. I feel so badly fo you Susan. When I cleaned up the room after Jeff died I purposely left sprays of blood on his night table. I could not erase them because they were a part of him. Eventually they started to fade. I then understood that I needed to clean them off. He would not have wanted me to have left them there like that. I can only say that we are here to listen and will offer our support always. Wishing you peace.

Kate

[Susie_q512]

Kate - Thank you. I have only been to her grave twice since we buried her (Sept. 23rd). The roadside memorial is a different story. The accident happened about a mile from our home. I pass by there on a regular basis...no way to avoid it. So, I've stopped there often. Most of the time I just keep driving, but I always slow down and look. I was at the accident scene and that was hard to take in and absorb. I am sure you understand considering you experienced the death scene too. The scene is a very unpleasant place to be. Nothing pretty or peaceful about it. The following morning I went there. Guess I was still trying to take it in and believe that it had indeed happened. Can't believe after so many weeks that I still find glass and pieces of her car. The blood will have to wear off I suppose. Nothing I can do about that...it is what it is. At her grave, I struggle more. It's very difficult knowing that she is beneath the ground. I want to dig her up. I want to hold her just one more time. The urge is so strong at the grave site. The roadside memorial has a different feel to it. It is still difficult, but in a much different way. Not sure I can explain it. The ground there is sacred to me. It's forever imprinted. I have her possessions back. I was expecting her clothing to be damaged, but not so. Perfectly intact. How could so much damage be done to her body and yet her clothing be without blemish? Boggles my mind.

[Susie_q512]

Well it finally happened. Jeff came to me tonight and said that people were calling him questioning why I post the things I post on facebook in relation to Shannon's death. I updated my status to read as follows:

"According to Jeff, people are calling him and questioning why I post the things I post regarding the loss of Shannon. I apologize to all who may have been offended or made to feel uncomfortable. No more posts about it. I will chose another outlet to express myself and the reality of this journey. One that hides the real experience of losing a child so suddenly and violently. Sweeping it under the rug. Out of sight. Out of mind. All nice and clean. Everyone can go back to their world of "This can't happen to me. It only happens to other people." Back to your nice little worlds all safe and sound with no reminder that life and tragedy are real events in the lives of others and could one day enter your own life. Praying none of you ever experience this journey or its torments. Please return the favor by not responding to this post."

Pissed me off. Don't know that he's telling the truth or not. He's been known to lie and manipulate. No one has contacted me in any manner about my posts nor responded negatively. Thinking he is the one who is made to feel uncomfortable. Either way, people have the choice to read or not to read....just takes a click or two to hide a post. No wonder we feel so alone in this journey. It does make people uncomfortable. It's raw and ugly and a bit too real. Glad I have you guys.

[Susie_q512]

Sue, could be a big piece of protective covering has shed itself, that shock that allows us to carry on for a time is an amazing thing, but eventually, parts of it fall away and we are left rather raw and facing the loss anew. You will find your way Sue, but there are many ups and downs and so when you are having a hard day or days, know that we are here, ready to hold your hands and heart as you struggle your way into the sunlight again.

Kath, I feel the same way about setting the clocks back, I wish that we could keep the clocks as they were as we enter the middle of autumn. I don't like that early darkness. Sounds like a good time last eve, glad that you had that.

Dee - More words of wisdom and compassion. You seem to always know what to say to the person in need. That's an incredible gift. I call it the gift of mercy. You are a very special lady. So glad I found my way to you and the other incredible people here. Really feel blessed. Don't know what I would do without you y'all.

Oh yeah, loved the starlings video. Awesome!

[Susie_q512]

I thought I was doing so well dealing with Stacy's death. That is until Friday and I don't know what triggered it but can't stop crying. It has been 17 weeks and I feel so lonely and don't know how to start getting my life back together.

Sue

Sue - I haven't met you yet. My name is Susan. I lost my 16 year old daughter, Shannon, Sept. 20, 2011. She was killed in a car accident about a mile from our home. Hoping to get to know you. If you are comfortable, please share about Stacy. I find it comforting to learn of the children we cry and long for. They were real and oh so special and unique. Our Angels. I love sharing about my girl. She was wonderful. I miss her so very, very much.

[rlolheiser]

been trying to post all weekend. My computer crashes in here multi times. Not sure what it is, except frustrating.

My daughter never did get out of jail, she has her sentencing tomorrow. I am sure she isn't talking to me as i didn't put my car up for her bond. I really don't know if I trust her. This sacred trust has been broken along with my heart.

My grandaughter should get another bail bond hering today. I hope she gets out. I pray to God she has learned her lesson. But won't count on it, can't count on much anymore.

I wish I could respond to posts.. I am afraid of freezing out of here as it is.

Dee.. I am so happy for your son and his wife.. a new beginning is always nice.

I better run.. I am thinking of you all and keeping you and your angels in my heart

[crystalann]

Well I am back home! Got such a good nights sleep in my own bed.Husband left but didnt take all his stuff. Gonna pack it up and put it in the new car he bought. My youngest daughter was useing his phone and messages were coming thru from a girl. I guess he figures he can talk to her and not me. And one message asked if he was gonna meet up with her. My daughter was so mad! That was the last straw for me.Changed the locks. I told him that was wrong to let her know where he goes but not me and the kids.Like I need this right now.

Another Monday Hate them.Today I go meet with the DA. They are gonna release Tylers things to me today. :'(.

Not sure how much more I can take!

I did go get the instant breakfast and oatmeal. Gonna try to make

myself eat every morning! Hope it works!

[Jeff's Mom]

Well it finally happened. Jeff came to me tonight and said that people were calling him questioning why I post the things I post on facebook in relation to Shannon's death. I updated my status to read as follows:

"According to Jeff, people are calling him and questioning why I post the things I post regarding the loss of Shannon. I apologize to all who may have been offended or made to feel uncomfortable. No more posts about it. I will chose another outlet to express myself and the reality of this journey. One that hides the real experience of losing a child so suddenly and violently. Sweeping it under the rug. Out of sight. Out of mind. All nice and clean. Everyone can go back to their world of "This can't happen to me. It only happens to other people." Back to your nice little worlds all safe and sound with no reminder that life and tragedy are real events in the lives of others and could one day enter your own life. Praying none of you ever experience this journey or its torments. Please return the favor by not responding to this post."

Pissed me off. Don't know that he's telling the truth or not. He's been known to lie and manipulate. No one has contacted me in any manner about my posts nor responded negatively. Thinking he is the one who is made to feel uncomfortable. Either way, people have the choice to read or not to read....just takes a click or two to hide a post. No wonder we feel so alone in this journey. It does make people uncomfortable. It's raw and ugly and a bit too real. Glad I have you guys.

Well, I probably am not going to be very popular today, but I feel I need to say this. To all the gawkers who are browsing the site for something to entertain and amuse them...please find somewhere else to go. This site is for people that have suffered extreme pain and loss. It is a place where we get togther to share our stories... no matter how personal. And in doing so we offer our support from having gone through the same thing. We are all in different stages on this journey, but we are connected by having lost our children. This is a devastating experience. We have our ups and downs. Some days we crash. It is a place of healing and comfort. If it is read for sheer amusement ...then thank your lucky stars that you are not in our shoes. Perhaps one day you will be!

Susan, your family is only displaying their concern. I am sure they are hurting as well and simply do not know what to do to help you. This is early days for you yet. Stay strong and know you are not alone.

Kate

[Guest msnher]

You tell 'em, Kate!

Susan, there are a few of us who also keep in touch on facebook. I tried to find you to friend you but there are a gazillion "yous". I'm listed under Susannah Thompson. You'll find the other members in my friends. We will be happy to honor Shannon and anything you say about her. I've noticed the naysayers quiet or backtrack quickly when we moms show up. We're not mean, we're just there.

[ericasmom]

Tyler's Mom, I am so sorry that you are going through so many changes all at one time. SO many marraiages do not make it through the death of a Child. Prayers for you to hold tight to the love from your Son and the other Children in your life. I hope that you know that Tyler stands beside you through it all, loving you for all of time.

I am glad taht you changed the locks, speaks volumes of your resolve.

Susan, to you as well, having your husband so ill and grieving the loss of Shannon in his poor health as you take care of his needs and your Rae, don't forget yours, even though you may not know what those needs are right now. They will shift and change like the sand in a dune, and you may get frustrated with the ever moving moods and changes, people get irritated with us in those too. Oh well is all I can say to folks on that. Oh well, I am not the same as I once was, if you can't handle the changes...just imagine what they are to me. If they trouble you too much, then simply don't hang out anymore. That is what I have said to one or two when they could not understand why I was so different, no fun anymore. I love the post you provided those that should be ashamed of themselves.

To all the newbies: Stay strong, even though strong is not what you feel, it is strength in you all that allows you to get up each day. Your Babies are rooting for you, stop and listen, they will let you know in many different ways just how proud they are of all you are doing to deal with this tragedy.

[Susie_q512]

You tell 'em, Kate!

Susan, there are a few of us who also keep in touch on facebook. I tried to find you to friend you but there are a gazillion "yous". I'm listed under Susannah Thompson. You'll find the other members in my friends. We will be happy to honor Shannon and anything you say about her. I've noticed the naysayers quiet or backtrack quickly when we moms show up. We're not mean, we're just there.

There are tons of "you" too. You can find me on facebook this way: Susan Squires Wilson.....think I'm the only one listed that way.

Thanks for the invite.

[Guest msnher]

"I am going to talk about Stephanie and you damn well better listen or at least act interested!" I announced that. My friends are too scared of me to argue. I'm sure they talk behind my back, but that's none of my business.

[Guest msnher]

Or...maybe my friends love me too much. Maybe it's just love. Yes, I'm sure that's it.

Mostly, now, though, I don't talk a whole lot. There's nothing new to say. Now I just seem to drift into a far away place.....longing....

[lolynbo]

YA AFTER THE "FRIEND" THAT HELPED START KOURTNEYS KLOSET TRIED TO KICK ME OFF THE BOARD "CUZ I WAS TO EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED" AND I WAS "ALL ABOUT THE MONEY"..(YET WE STILL HAVE EVERY CENT DONATED TO US)..THANKS TO UNITED WAY.....SHE TOLD ME SHE DELETED ME ON FB CUZ I WAS TOO DEPRESSING, PPL THIS IA A FRIEND THAT TOOK CARE OF KODY WHILE WE WERE GONE WITH KOURTNEY FOR 7MO AND 2DAYS.....SOME FRIEND HUH,

I POST WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT ON FB AND ON HERE AND IF SOMEONE DONT LIKE IT ...HIT FRINKN DELETE....

[ericasmom]

Right on to saying whatever you feel like saying, I am all for that, but never have gone on Facebook and most likely, never will.

Lor, that woman apparently had a quota of friendship in her and felt that she filled it. Too bad for her to have turned her back.

We just drove Jon and Shan to the airport, hoping that they not only love their trip but really relax and let the warm breezes of Hawaii soothe and delight them.

[dwsmithrn]

ok...SUSAN....you won't believe this, but i have been going through the exact same thing with my children....i was posting on nathan's FB page. especially on a really down day, and all of a sudden, i was attacked by at least 2 of my 3 children. my daughter practically ripped me a new asshole and my oldest son was rather gruff with me and both really hurt my feelings in a bad way...i could not grasp their anger....then, my daughter went to my husband's office and did the same to him and actually cussed some...not her style at all....i worked things out with my son, and he apologized for his gruffness and said he was just worried about me....they thought i was really "depressed"...i told him I AM....i just lost a child!!!! OK, so let me grieve...respect that....so, we were good, for a while, i guess....my daughter, on the other hand, talked to hubby, and apologized to him and they are ok...but WHAT ABOUT ME??? i am not ok...she did not talk to me...they invited us to a cookout at their property with a pond, and we went and had a good time, but she was very stand-offish...you could tell there was something not quite right...but i had planned to go over there and talk to her, but there was no answer, so i guess she had other things to do today. whatever....she needs to hear from me, that call was all one-sided.

and, I DID DELETE MY FB PAGE...i don't need that crap..i can talk to you all and i can journel my feelings and i can talk to my family and my hubby....i will sign off here, i have blurted it out long enough...i am sorry for this rage of a page...sorry....

sorry there are some newbies here...and sorry for the troubles some of you are having...crystal, i am thinking of you....and you, too, lorrie.....all of you take care and know that i do think of all of you....love, diane

[Jeff's Mom]

"I am going to talk about Stephanie and you damn well better listen or at least act interested!" I announced that. My friends are too scared of me to argue. I'm sure they talk behind my back, but that's none of my business.

Susannah, I wish people would let us talk openly about our kids. I know they don't quite know how to respond at first. But it is so natural for me to talk about my son. I do it all the time. People act edgy and are anxious to retreat. They are the ones that are uncomfortable. Just wish they would make an effort to relax and let the conversation flow naturally.

Dee...you couldn't talk the lolvebirds into taking us with them? Woke up this morning to our first dusting of snow. Temp isn't too bad but gosh I hate winter!

Susan...Dee is so right. You will have to focus on looking after your own health as well. If you can... try to eat healthy and catch some rest.

Off to the city tomorrow to meet a friend for lunch and shopping. A really sweet and dear friend. I'm dreading it and do not want to go. Have put her off once too often. Just can't face the Xmas decorations in stores, chatter about everyday stuff ,as if it is normal. It's not any longer. Part of me died that night. The best part of me. I find myself drifting off. Can't stay focused with all the noise and clatter around.

Well, got to get moving. Things to do.

Kate

[Susie_q512]

Huge hug and much thanks to everyone for the support and encouragement!!!

Diane - I did read your posts about the backlash from family and "facebook girl". It made me angry when I read those posts. Angry for you because I felt you were not being considered. Angry for Nathan's death. Angry for the damage done to your family. Grief is proving to be very difficult. Each person is so different and so has different needs. It's like navigating through a thick fog in rocky waters during a hurricane. We just can't see where we're going, who we'll bump into, or what rock we'll hit on this journey...and then of course, there are the waves ever crashing on us and threatening to take us down. I think we all have to respect each person's unique journey through this, but I find if very challenging to respect the grief journey of some people, especially when I am feeling angry or overly stressed by the circumstances. I have to walk away and get off by myself. Usually I go for a drive or retreat to Shannon's room. (People don't follow me there.) What a mess this journey is! I'd give just about anything if none of us were on it, and we could all get our kids back.

Hugs and much love to all.

Susan

[Chads Mom]

Wow.. I have been reading to keep up lately but my husband (Roger) was put on some medications this past week and ended up passing out and having seizures so I have not had much time to keep up with my posts. (trying to get him to take a break is like pulling teeth) He has the I’m fine syndrome…….hmmm..

I had a dream about Chad the other night. There was something going on like a party??? Immediately I saw Chad and ran to hug him he wrapped his arms around me and I told him I’ve missed you and he said I’ve missed you too Mom I love you and then I woke up crying.

Susan--Shannon’s Mom-- That makes me angry that you can’t express yourself about your loss on face book. I opted not to put much on my face book during Chad’s illness or after Chad’s passing, I just couldn’t share the pain I was feeling with all those people that might not understand the depth of my misery. You know in all honesty you would think people would understand but they just can’t imagine what this is like, I truly hope they never ever have too. But I have been very thankful that I have “The Indigo’s” here I can tell you all things that I don’t even share with my husband, I guess I want even him to think I am stronger than I really am.

Not a single day goes by without me thinking of each and every one of you and our angels.

Love and peace Indigo’s.

P.S. My arm that was attacked by my cat “Gabby” is almost better..

[Susie_q512]

Wow.. I have been reading to keep up lately but my husband (Roger) was put on some medications this past week and ended up passing out and having seizures so I have not had much time to keep up with my posts. (trying to get him to take a break is like pulling teeth) He has the I’m fine syndrome…….hmmm..

I had a dream about Chad the other night. There was something going on like a party??? Immediately I saw Chad and ran to hug him he wrapped his arms around me and I told him I’ve missed you and he said I’ve missed you too Mom I love you and then I woke up crying.

Susan--Shannon’s Mom-- That makes me angry that you can’t express yourself about your loss on face book. I opted not to put much on my face book during Chad’s illness or after Chad’s passing, I just couldn’t share the pain I was feeling with all those people that might not understand the depth of my misery. You know in all honesty you would think people would understand but they just can’t imagine what this is like, I truly hope they never ever have too. But I have been very thankful that I have “The Indigo’s” here I can tell you all things that I don’t even share with my husband, I guess I want even him to think I am stronger than I really am.

Not a single day goes by without me thinking of each and every one of you and our angels.

Love and peace Indigo’s.

P.S. My arm that was attacked by my cat “Gabby” is almost better..

Polly - Thank you. I don't know what the problem is with facebook...My posts are pretty tame. I have only posted one that was graphic in any way, and I posted it here too just recently. Guess folks don't want to hear about blood....it was a violent and destructive car wreck....how could there NOT be blood? Never mentioned the details of all her injuries. Sure that would really stir the pot. Anyway, hate to hear about your hubby and hoping he recovers soon and gives himself a break. Very glad you had your dream of Chad. Bittersweet, I'm sure. Also glad you are healing from the cat incident. Did Gabby have to be quaranteened? (sp?)

[daveydow1]

Diane---No need to apologize for the rage.......I, too, feel it a lot of times. I think that people just

do not understand that it takes TIME......(our own timeline) to deal with devastating grief. I

guess that they get impatient that we seem to be not moving along as they think we should,

or as others here have said.....they feel uncomfortable. It is a bad spot to be in.......grieving

mightily, and having others pushing us to 'move on'......no wonder we get angry !! Don't blame

you for taking down the FB page......not worth the hassle. Sending prayers, friend.

Crystal----So sorry for all your troubles. Please take care of yourself. Peace to you.

Susan-----Oh, I can so relate to your telling us of going past the site where the accident took

place where your beloved Shannon lost her life. And, I do understand your need to see the

site. We were not able to put up any memorial where David died, due to the layout of the

highway. He was killed at the exit ramp of a freeway......the guardrail is RIGHT up next to

the road,....and beyond the guardrail is a sheer drop-off steep area of perhaps 50 ft. with

heavy brush and bramble. I checked it out once, but no access to it at all. Also,....I've often

wondered, too, why it is that good people die or suffer, and bad ones just seem to go on their

merry old way with no real bad events in their lives. Gues 'that's life', as someone said.

Carol-----I sympathize with you for having the allergies. Thanks for your story of Mike's kitty, Bree.

Glad that you were able to have Cathy take her. I, too, have Brownie,...our old cat,.....that was around

when Dave was with us, and he used to play with her when he came home from working the 3-11 shift.

She waited for him, and wouldn't sleep downstairs where he slept after he died......she made her way

to the 2nd floor where the rest of us slept. We still have her......thank goodness.

Sue-----So sorry that you are having a rough time of it. 4 months is such a short time on this very

rough road. Please come back to BI.......we are here for you. Prayers.

Lorrie-----Know what you mean about wanting to just SCReeeaaam. Also.....like what you said about

if other people don't like what you write on FB.......then they can just hit DELETE. !!! So simple.......Why

don't they just do it and shut up !!

Kathy-----Yes---I so understand what you said about it being 6 yrs. since you lost your beloved Jessica,

and that it seems like only yesterday. Time gets so distorted on this lousy road. Prayers for BJ

Kate-----What a remarkable dog you have.....smelling flowers. How cute. I do understand that you don't

want anything to happen to her because you don't need more grief. Pets are such a comfort, and ask

so little in return. They are especially dear when they were the pet that hung around with our beloved

child who died. You've had so much loss to deal with. Know just what you mean. Glad the pup is doing well.

Dee----Thanks so very much for the starling video.......just wonderful and awsome. How do they do it ????...

the precision of the movements .....like a BALLET IN FLIGHT.---I wonder if the expert scientists can explain

that phenominal thing. Glad to hear that Jon & Shannon are off to Hawaii on their homeymoon. Bless them.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Chads Mom]

Susan--You should be able to talk about Shannons accident in any way you need to. I stared at a giant lump growing in my sons throat for 2 months and every time I bring it up with anyone they get angry and tell me I should be thinking of everything good before the cancer.. Well you know what they may not want to hear about it but the only thing that helps me get through it sometimes is to talk it out. It may not be what people want to hear but it is still therapeutic to be able to get it out.

Gabby the cat has had all of her shots and she was totally provoked since I was trying to clean her back end off with water. (she goes ballistic when she hears water running) so I kind of blame myself for the incident. The wounds were deep puncture wounds so the doctor put me on antibiotics and the arm is now looking good. The cat is over it until next time I guess.

Polly--Chad's Mom

[ericasmom]

Polly, glad to hear your arm is healing, that is tricky. I hope Husband is doing well now, I know as far as he is concerned he is.

Yes, it is theraputic to be able to tell your story over and over and we are here to listen each time, as people did and still do for me when I need to tell it. It is the story of our lives, one way to process it in the early phases is to tell it. We tell it to remember all of the parts, all of the segments and we tell it to teach ourselves that it is real and we tell it too, to let folks know that we are changed by this and we tell it to remind ourselves why we have changed so. ..we tell it still to affirm the places we have come from, the caves and tunnels we lived in during our darkest hours and how we now can be in the sun, and we tell that story to those new so that they can have hope for a day in the future where the sun actually is warm on the face again.

[lostwoher]

Beware my friends,

The following was in my inbox and I believe it to be spam from a freak. Check out his/her profile and you will see why I think that. Gosh, I really hope not but please be careful. This person now has my personal email. The email listed to mail them to isnt valid. I tried which is how I become aware.

estherjohn

20 Oct 2011 - 12:43 My name is Miss Esther,i saw your profile today and became interested in you,i will also like to know you more,and if you can send an email to my email address,i will give you my pictures here is my email address (estherjoh3@yahoo.com) I believe we can move from here! Awaiting for your mail to my email address above.

Please email me on (estherjoh3@yahoo.com)for more explanation.

T...

[ericasmom]

Lynn, I will not even open the link because there are too many bad guys out there that like to get inside of our personal things. I did receive something a while back that looked tricky and fake, so I deleted it and did not open it.

How are you? The weather is beginning to turn so I am sure that you too are feeling it or seeing it anyhow. It is windy and rainy now, and the temps are supposed to drop in a day or so. Hang on to your hats...

[aim630]

Dee-I'm glad the wedding went well, and hope Jon and Shannon have a great, relaxing honeymoon. Eri was there in spirit.

Susan-You should be able to post whatever you want about Shannon on Facebook. I don't post much about Ashley on my page, I feel more comfortable expressing my feelings here. I do talk about Ashley a lot at work and with family. I'm sorry if it makes someone uncomfortable, but she did exist, and I loved her, and I'm not going to quit talking about her. I also don't think it's fair that God always takes the good ones...

Katie came home for the weekend, and will be back for 6 wks beginning 11-22. I think it is ironic that of her 2 new best friends she met at college, one has Ashley's birthday, Nov 26, and the other's birthday is 2-9, Ashley's angelversary. Katie wants to go to London to cover the Olympics next summer, I don't want her going that far away.

Kate-I'm glad your old dog is okay. Our 12 yr old golden retriever had a bad ear infection last month, and couldn't even stand up. I thought she wasn't going to make it, but after some antibiotics, she's doing much better and seems like her old self. We do get attached to our pets who love us unconditionally.

Lynn-thanks for warning us about the spam. I agree, some kind of freak.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Lynn, for the heads up. Has anybody noticed that the views have gone from about 300,000 plus... to almost 900,000 in one week? I mean, what the Sam? We are not that interesting! Then again, who knows. Some people are just plain weird.

My dogs name is Annie and she is a real beauty. Black lab with soft brown eyes and a temperament that is beyond terrific. Gentle and very loving. They make a wonderful companion and friend to family members. I am so happy she recovered. We would have had her put down and not allowed her to suffer needlessly had her Vet recommended it. But with some serious TLC she made a full recovery. Gosh, it makes me so happy to see her run and play as if she had a second lease on life. The flower sniffing came out of the blue. She always stays by me when I am gardening. She would watch me sniff the roses and then I would continue with my gardening. One day I looked up and there she was sniffing the darned things. From that point on she started to sniff all of the scented flowers. Go figure?

Stay well my friends. Not having a particularly good period. Really miss him.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Going to try to add a photo or two...

[ericasmom]

OOOPS, try again...

[ericasmom]

And two more...sent the same one twice, oh well...

[ericasmom]

one more

[ericasmom]

So these were grainy but oh well, until I get some from the professionals, this is what I have. Just awaiting the call saying that they have arrived in Hawaii, should be there just about now.

Sherry, I love the video too of the starlings, glad that you do. Murmuration, I will look into it but long ago when Mike and I were young and newly married we were walking through the forest in Michigan, Ludington. We heard a sound coming toward us getting louder and stronger, and we sat and waited...it was just what we saw in the video, thousands of starlings flying in formations blackening the sky and doing acrobatics. Beautiful and arresting for sure.

[ericasmom]

Found this:

MURMURATION definition - definition of MURMURATION

www.scrabble-word-finder.com/definition-of-murmuration.htmlmurmuration (plural murmurations). The act of murmuring; (allegedly) A flock of starlings. Definition of MURMURATION from http://en.wiktionary.com. ...

[Guest msnher]

Kate, I wouldn't worry about the numbers. There are a lot more "members" (unfortunately) than there are people who post. A lot of people just read. I know I check back several times a day...believe it or not there are days I don't post but just read. I know it's uncomfortable to think there might be people with just a warped interest in our grief, but I think the majority are people who are looking for answers themselves. I checked out this site several times before I ever posted. It's getting closer to the holidays and more people are feeling the depth of their pain. Maybe not 600,000 worth, but if there's one in that number that we can help then let the other 599,000 gawk.

[Guest msnher]

Dee - Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!

[Guest msnher]

Lynn, was that in your email inbox or your message box here, on BI? I get those kind of spam emails. I don't open them.

[Jeff's Mom]

b

one more

Beautiful Dee. I must say they looked very relaxed. How were you doing at that point? Oh, I can feel the warm breezes of Hawaii!

[ericasmom]

The Kids landed, I am off to bed, very tired and very happy.

Had a deep tissue massage today, while that sounds delightful, it was extremely necessary adn painful. But now, hopefully, deep sleep because of it.

Love to all

[lostwoher]

I first received it in my personal email but just put off looking into it for a few days. There was something that didnt sit well with me about it so I replied with something silly. Needless to say that it was returned as undeliverable to an invalid address. Go figure . A few more days passed and something clicked for some unknown reason to check my messages here. Voila! There it is. I decided to check out who/what the profile was all about. Trying to give benefit of doubt but once I read his/her profile I became furious. Today I sent it to the spam dept. Probably should have contacted the moderator. I just wanted to warn everybody that there is someone lurking around this site

Oh my goodness its windy, wet and cold. I was just getting use to enjoying the beautiful fall colors. Wont be long and it will be gone once again.

Dee! I see I have missed the wedding. Please accept my apology for not coming here sooner to wish the bride and groom many great wishes and the best life. Looking forward to checking out your pictures in just a moment.

To all of the newbies: sorry to have to meet you all in a place like this but I am glad you found this place. It's the best thing to have happened to me in such a disturbing time of my life. My name is Lynn and we lost my 21 yr old daughter Kayla due to accidental drowning due to excessive alcohol consumption 8/12/08.

Gotta get back to the Bears game

[Guest msnher]

Oh dear, Lynn! Maybe a good time to change ALL your passwords on everything you do on the computer. I hope you won't have to do more than that. I change my fb password often. What really gets me about those emails is they seem to "guess" on the right name to use with efficiency. I once received a message in a dear friend's name saying they were stranded in another state. Fortunately for me I had just talked to that same friend that very day, so I knew it was a hoax. Please keep us updated!