Loss of an Adult Child

[summergirl]

Hello Indigo's - I have not spent entire weekend doing absolutely NOTHING like I did this weekend...I did clean first thing yesterday morning and the rest of the day/night in my jammies, snacks, laptop, tv and bed. Today I did one load of wash and in my comfy chair ALL day, now in my bed....I have not been this relaxed in so long...I needed it more than I thought.  Thanks

Lorrie - so glad all is ok (except the beemer) but it can be fixed....just so happy it was no worse and you were able to comfort the young man...I am sure he was terrified.

Dee - I too miss that morning light when I awaken..now it will be dark but am happy for the hour more of light at night....makes the evenings not seem so long and a sure sign of spring coming.  Alot of rain and wind yesterday and last night but did not lose our electric...

Greg - love the draft, it is going to be so great....you are going to do wonderful.

When Lorrie spoke about comforting the young man who hit them it made me think..I have changed so much since we lost Jessica and I wonder if I had that kind of compassion before Jessica left...was I always as forgiving as I am now? did I care more about material things when now I care more about family, friends? Did I put my feelings before others as I do now?  I know that I have changed for the better but the price I paid is more than I ever imagined I would ever pay in order to have my eyes opened to see what is really important....love, family, friends, the sunshine, a blue sky, the smile of a child, a wild flower, a butterfly that makes you believe, the sound of the ocean as the wave crashes, a song that brings you to tears, compassion, humility, thankfulness and eyes wide open to those who need you and you are there to help....

Sleep well my friends and dream sweet dreams...Kathy

[summergirl]

Posted before I know but love this pic - sneaking cereal out of the box...God I miss you Jess......

[Guest]

Kathy - So glad you had a relaxing weekend.  Your post made me think of a very dear friend who is very ill and will soon be face to face with his Creator.  I had the chance to visit with him yesterday and he said how odd (and wonderful) it is that he doesn't get upset about anything now.  He said he hasn't been angry since he accepted his illness and his eventual death.  He eminated peace.  It made me think....none of us know (most of the time, anyway) exactly when our time is up on this earth, perhaps that's the way we should be living each and every day anyway.

As Bonnie says........peace for the journey.

Much love,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[cameronsmom1]

Here he is in his onsie from Colleen

[cameronsmom1]

Here in his bumbo

[ericasmom]

Amanda, thanks for opening the curtain of this day with joy.

[braydensmom]

Just so your not confused, I created a new account so that my username had Brayden in it instead of Cameron so that it makes sense!! Hope you all are doing well.

[lolynbo]

AMANDA HES SO CUTE....SORRY I DIDNT GO OUT WITH YAL...I JUST DONT KAREOKE...I SUCK....

KIMBERLY HEADS TO SAN DIEGO TODAY...HER HOTEL IS BEAUTIFUL  CALLED SOMETHNG LIKE THE HILTON OF SAN DEIGO....ON THE DAMN BEACH....I WANNA GO.....BUT AS MARCIA AND SOME OF YAL NO I DONT FLY...

GOING TO KOURTNEYS KLOSET TODAY TO PUT OUT SUMMER AND SPRING CLOTHES SO MUCH TO DO.BROOKE IS GOING TO HELP VOLUNTEER...(SHE IS SO GREAT)..IF YAL DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO COME ON DOWN...

BE BLESSED AND BLESS

[align=left]

 [/align]

[hotrod]

Good Rainy Morning Indigos

 

Amanda Love the pictures  He is so beautiful.  As Dee pointed out Thanks for starting my day with such warmth.

 

I hope everyone survived the terrible storms that hit this weekend.!!! Living in a big apartment complex really helps to relieve me of anxiety of trees falling and lost electricity.  It does happen but I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE to fix it. On that note   I was thinking about your discussion regarding the changes I have noticed since the loss of Stephen. I do not want to be a downer but I  truly believe that I really practice the saying "Do Not worry about the small stuff and it is all small stuff". 

 

 I do not seem to really care about anything so I  can truly be more understanding and  compassionate  to others.  .

 

 But I find when shopping or on the telephone with customer service people I have MUCH LESS PATIENCE. Being around insensitive people is also very difficult and I must walk away before I engage in a destructive matter. 

 

I think the bottom line is that I really do not care about the world and issues at all..  I can  enjoy nature, fine music, art, movies but only on a very limited basis and it is a huge effort to get there

 

I do care about you all and I do hope that BIG BLUE is making your daughter's journey a little easier these days Beth 

 

.Coming here and seeing all the angels and connecting with all you Indigos really enriches my spirit and requires no effort on my part  Thank you for being here and making the journey less difficult.

 

Betsy, I do hope that Cardinal brings his family and we will be graced with more photos, Sherry and Dee I did see Daffodils and Crocuses poking out on  the grounds this weekend  I remember when Stephen was  little he would get so excited about seeing the "Beautiful Flowers Peeking out in the Spring"  Instant warm memory of him,

 

Thinking warm thoughts of  Trudie,  MaryAnn, Bonnie, Marcia, Lorrie, Dan, Greg, Carol, Kathy, Susannah, Leah Rosie, Kim, Deneance and all Indigos

 

Have a Blessed Day

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

[shorty16]

Good Morning Indigo's

My daughter turned 20 yesterday - I am old.

As ususal, a day filled with many emotions.  Missing Brian, knowing he would have been there all day (well, maybe not all day).

Thinking of my Indigo friends as we go through one more important day without my son, Brian

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[arc4ever]

Just thought I would check in and let you all know I'm still here.  Coming up on the two year mark March 25th, I just haven't felt up to talking to anyone much.  I get thru my day and look forward to sleep.  We are beginning the arrangements for our 2nd Annual ARC Angel Memorial Ride/Poker Run (June 19th) and all that it involves.  (Including falling apart because it is just too hard sometimes).  We have been receiving visits and texts from Adam's friends, they too are feeling the loss extra this time of year.  We are also almost ready to begin reviewing the scholarship applications for Adam's memorial scholarship recipients.  We are awarding four scholarships totaling $10,000.00 (one for $5,000.00 one for $2,500.00 and two for $1,250.00 each).  We will be awarding the scholarships on Honors Night May 18th.  That, my friends, is gonna be hard....  Adam's angel date is March 25th, the high school musical starts the next day.  Adam was the stage manager for the musical the year he passed, and he was on stage crew the previous year and an extra in the plays for the previous two.  I have placed an "ad" in the musical program just wishing everyone best wishes and good luck.  This all is just so exhausting and difficult sometimes I wonder how we make it thru the day.  I'll try to post a little more often. 

Love to all, Terrie (Adam's mom)

[daveydow1]

Terrie----Great A.R.C. ANGEL RUN!  Good to see Adam's smile. I know just

what you mean when you say that you don't have much to say in the days

leading up to the Angel Day. So understandable. Peace & comfort, friend.

Lorri----Hey....I found someone else who does not like to fly..Sometimes I

have felt like the only one. My sisters think I am from the STONE AGE since

I don't fly. I have flown in the past, but definitely do not care for it.

Betty----Yep..you're right....living in an apartment high-rise does have many

many advantages.....mainly that when things don't work, it's someone else's

responsibility to fix it.  How is your "little squirrel"  doing?

Still GRAY & GLOOMY here......matches my mood sometimes,.....but better than

FEB. and all the snow. 

         PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL IN THE BI FAMILY.

                 Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[Guest]

Hi Indigo's...

Amanda - your baby is just precious!

Terri - What a lovely tribute to Adam.  I pray everyone a safe "shiny side up" ride.  Sending you extra energy for this difficult time.

Sherry - So good to see Davey's face....Thinking of your baby girl, also.

Betty - I have the book, "Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff."  I almost burned it when Steph died....   Feeling more positive these days, though...at least for today.

Oh...I know I've missed people, but my my "rememery" isn't as good as it never was. 

I hope this picture posts.  It's of Stephanie and my oldest daughter, Amanda, at the fair and carnaval last July.......I think I finally learned how to scan pictures...so there will be more to come.....when I overcome my laziness...

Love you all!

 

[lolynbo]

MY NEPHEW WHO NOW WORKS FOR US GATHERED UP ALL MINE AND KOURTNEYS THNIGS FROM OUR FAMILY BUSINESS..LOTS OF STICK IT NOTES "LOVE U MOM" ...MY MOMS THE BEST....PICS I HAVENT SEEN SINCE I LEFT THERE NOV 2, 2007....LIKE ITS BEEN IN A TIME CAPSULE....I WILL SCAN SOME AND LET YAL READ AND SEE THEM..

BITTER SWEET DAY...

KIMBERLY IS AT LAX CELEBRITY HUNTING TIL HER NEXT PLANE TAKES OFF...(OH GOD HOPE SHE DONT GET ARRESTED)...

[daveydow1]

Susannah----Thanks for your kind words, and for remembering Lisa. She

would have been 40 yrs. old this May, but she never saw her first birthday.

I , also, am able to send pics here to BI once in awhile, but always forget

from one time to the next just how to do it.:X....Oh well.

Amanda----Forgot to post how very very sweet your baby is. A delightful

little guy,  I'm sure. He must keep you very busy!

            Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry   

[lolynbo]

MY NOTE I FOUND TODAY...ALMOST SOUND LIKE SHE KNEW SHE WOULDNT ALWAYS BE HERE WITH ME...OR MAYBE ITS JUST ME...

[lolynbo]

HER AND BRENTS ENGAGMENT PIC...IN MY HOUSE...NOTHING FANCY JUST 2 KIDS IN LOVE

[summergirl]

Amanda - Ashton is just so adorable...made my night seeing that precious baby...

Terri - it is so very hard I know...I think the 2nd angelversary was harder than the first...seems like the first year is spent in shock and disbelief and the second you start to come to life a bit and it the reality of the loss begins to set in. I am so proud of you for honoring Adam in the way you all do - beautiul...I know it takes it's toll on the heart but hold strong - Adam is so very proud of you.

Lorrie - love, love the note...it lifts my heart and the tears fall when I look through all of the things Jessica wrote...she was what I call a "doodler", always drawing. One time she wrote a note to me and left it in my car inside the visor..it was almost a week or so before I found it and I treasure it....I will post it after I scan it.  Yes, 2 people in love...nothing better than that my friend. Your Kourtney has a special mom and you a special daughter.

Tavian is home after 11 days !!!!!  I so needed the time away from him, more for him as I have been so upset and could not hide it. Now that he is home it feels right again.    An eye opener after we got home from school. He was sitting in his recliner looking so happy and suddenly he started crying, I went to him, got down on my knees and asked him what was wrong, he said "When you hug me it makes me miss my mom",  I said "well I have to hug you because I love you so much and I am sort of like a mom to you even though I am your mi-mi and that is what you call me", he replied "well, sometimes I want you to be my mom",  I said "it is ok if you want to call me mom whenever you want, I will not be upset and your mom would smile about it because she loves you so much and wants you to be happy"....he said "ok" and then said "I am hungry" !!!!!   I so understand how he feels and hope I said the right things to him...we do the best we can with what we have.  Just made me smile (through my tears) how he can go from being so upset to saying I am hungry...how I love that little boy....   He is watching tv now getting ready to go read and get some sleep...he is very tired and excited as tomorrow it is supposed to be sunny and in the 50's (a heat wave) and he gets to ride his bike to school for the first time since last fall....of course I will be following him the whole way.

Ok my friends it is back to the normal...no more being lazy...Tavian is home. 

Sleep well and peaceful dreams to all. I love you all. Kathy

[briansdad]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

Good Morning Indigo's

My daughter turned 20 yesterday - I am old.

As ususal, a day filled with many emotions.  Missing Brian, knowing he would have been there all day (well, maybe not all day).

Thinking of my Indigo friends as we go through one more important day without my son, Brian

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

Colleen....Stop crabbin. Brian turns 30 next month.Now that's old.

Greg

[ericasmom]

Colleen, if you are old, what does that make me? Ancient? Jonathan is 28.5 now and Eri's 26th birthday is coming up, which is throwing me. How can it be that my little one would be 26?

I know that Michelle's birthday was a bit bittersweet, like so many things are these days, but hang on to the sweet, as Brian would like you to do.

Sherry, I am thinking of your Spring Girl.

Carol, hope you are okay, think the storms have you in the dark again, just want you to be okay.

Lorri, what a great gift to have that note, and I do love both the avatar adn the engagement photo. The note strikes me like that too, but that is with hindsight. Do you remember what it made you feel when you first saw it?

Kathy, glad that Tavian is home with you and Barry. I hope you all have a nice evening adn that the weather holds Tavian with glee.

We too are supposed to have 55 degrees tomorrow. WHOO-HOO.

Terri, good to see that gorgeous smile of Adam's today, though totally understand the sadness you are feeling. It was right around the 2nd year mark of Eri dying that was my hardest time as far as deep deep lows. Somehow, it was a month or so after that that I began to find myself in the sunlight more. The second year marks no-more-firsts, which to me made me worry that folks would forget Erica Eileen. They did not, we keep her alive in many ways as you do Adam. Eri's friends continue to talk about her and celebrate her life. Our fund in her name continues to make a difference int he lives of students and so I know she must be happy with what she has given to this world.

Somehow this approach to year 7 feels so long. How could it be this long? I think that Micheal's one year is in tow weeks makes a difference too, the Daddy of my Kids. I know that Jonathan is struggling and when he aches, as you all know, I ache.

Going to do some work now, love to all of you,

dee

[briansdad]

I found this today. Loved it.

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.

Albert Einstein

[Guest]

Evening All........my daughter turns 31 this June.....

Seven years, Trudi.  Wow.......  Are you at a place of acceptance and peace?  We talked about the stages of grief at my face to face meeting tonight.  I'm at a place of acceptance today.........but, as you all know.....with me, my emotions change on a dime.

Kathy - My heart melted when I read your response to Tavian.  You are a good grandma AND a good mother.  Speaking of, any word from BJ?

Have a good night, my friends!

Much love, Susannah/Stephanie's mom

 

[lolynbo]

DEE I REMEMBER THINKING..."SO SWEET...HOW CLOSE WE ARE....SHE LOVES HER MOMMA....GOSH IM LUCKY"

[ericasmom]

How lovely that you knew it was a gift in the moment. I am grateful for all of the gifts known and found.

Love,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Dee:  thank you for asking...we are okay; still "powered" though it blinked off a couple of times, but came right back on.  It has been raining sideways for three days and nights!  Many roads are closed (last I heard, it was over 80 roads closed), but we are on a slight elevation, so no deep water here, yet.  I feel so bad for those who have gone through this for the last 2-3 years in a row; some were still rebuilding. 

I have been kind of quiet this weekend---received some alarming news about hubby on Friday...he was diagnosed with a large cyst on his kidney a few months ago, and his recent follow-up tests now have the doctor requesting additional testing...Thursday he goes for a CAT scan of his abdomen.  He was physically sick about it this weekend, but late Saturday seemed to take a "we will see when we see" attitude, and actually started feeling and looking better.  I know that a positive attitude is what we need and he is working on it.  He knows that older people commonly develop cysts on their kidney.  (I have one also---remember when the doctor so graciously told me I had kidney cancer, when it was actually a large cyst?)  He has had some changes in other things, so we are just kind of holding on til we do these additional tests.  Holding on and praying.  I learned throughout Mike's illness that when I pray, I need to pray for strength to handle whatever comes...I do believe that "prayer changes things" but I know from life's experiences, that it is not always the "change" we want.  So, please keep us in your prayers as you go about your day.  I will keep you posted as soon as we hear anything. 

Meantime, I am so glad that Tavian is back, Kathy...it seems as though you are rested and ready for his loving and hugs again...i hope you have a good week and Tavian has a good ride to school tomorrow...(I would be driving behind him, also)

Terrie:  Holding you close as the 25th nears...I know that your sweet Adam is so proud of you and his dad, for all that you've done to honor his life.  I am so sorry that you are feeling his absence to much more right now.  Sending love and strength.

Lorri:  I loved the pics, also.  It sounds as though Kimberly is really on her way with this job.  Sending good wishes.  So glad you all were not hurt in the car accident...sorry about your beamer, too. 

Betsy:  Thinking of you and hoping things are going okay.  We haven't seen any cardinals around here at all this year, but can hear new bird sounds almost every day.  We can't put up feeders now, because the bears are beginning to wake up. 

Susannah:  So glad that you are on a relatively even keel, even if it is "for now."  Loved the picture of the girls. 

Amanda:  the pics of Ashton...oh my goodness, he is so beautiful...you are blessed!

Betty:  There are many around here right now who are likely wishing they lived in a high-rise...so much low level flooding going on...

Col:  Thanks for the call...hope you are having a good week.

Trud:  I hope you are having a wonderful time, full of good adventure and peaceful moments as well.

Marcia:  So good to see sweet Bethany's beautiful face smiling out at all of us...I hope you are doing better.

Bonnie:  How are things going with Emily?  How did she like your birthday surprise of doing her room over?  How is Rich doing?  How are YOU doing? 

Speaking about the ages of our children:  when I celebrated my birthday this year, my oldest daughter called me and told me that she can't believe that she would be 45 in just two weeks after my birthday!  Neither can I, Kim, neither can I. 

Our tickets for opening day came today...a day brightener for sure...

Have a good Tuesday, all my wonderful Indigo friends...thinking of all of you and sending love. 

love and peace,  Carol  mikesmomrs

just for fun:

[lostwoher]

 Good morning Indigos. Been lurking in the background this week but reading daily. Seems like its all I have to keep me grounded. Not able to respond to anyone as Im dealing with my own demons. I just had no idea how trying it would be to have Randy's daughter here. She will be 21 in a few weeks ( Kayla's last 'alive' age ) but acts as if she is 8 yrs old. Cant even imagine her being married but its none of my business. I actually feel relief when I have to go to work just to have the time to get away and find something else to complain about. She can be a sweet girl dont get me wrong, Im just not use to sharing my quiet, alone, ME time. Today I will try to break our 'silence' and take her for a brow waxing that she has been wanting. Make it a girly day and try try try. It sure wont be the same and it will be a first with trying something with someone other than my Kayla. My heart is so broken and many ugly things are swirling around in my head which is why Im awake at 3 am and writing all of this. Guess Im hoping after I go back to read it I will see how silly it all is and be able to move forward. Im thinking most of it is jealousy. Ive rambled enough.

Please know that I think of you all daily and nightly. So sorry you are here but so glad you are. YOU are my strength.

Love & hugs,

Lynn             

I miss you Kayla Dawn xoxo

[shellbellsmom]

Good morning everyone.  This makes day 7 I have been sick with this nasty cold...hopes its not the pneumonia that's going around.  I do feel a bit better today though. But, totally afraid to cough....feels like my ribs with break in two. 

Carol sending prayers for strength for you and your husband for what ever comes your way and praying the cyst is benign.  Won't be long before you can use those tickets.

Congrats to Kimmy on landing the new job.  Lorrie sorry about the accident, but as we all know cars can easily be fixed.  So glad know one was hurt.  Yesterday I found a letter my Michelle wrote to her dad that she had put into his suitcase before he left on his annual fishing trip (Mothers Day weekend) and its was so cute....she was probably 12-13 and talks about hoping he doesn't drown and wants him to thinks about her while he is gone.  When the boys went fishing over that weekend the girls (Michelle and I) did the mother/daughter stuff...now when they go its just me.

Love all the pics (Sus, Kathy, Lorrie)....Amanda Aston is adorable. 

Terrie the scholarship is a wonderful tribute to Adam's memory...and his name will live on forever.  We just completed our scholarship guidelines for foundation...its too bad we have to do these types of things because of our children's death.  Good luck with the benefit...I know all too well how much work has to be done to pull these benefits off. 

Betsy we get the cardinals (male and female) everyday at my feeder....I love taking pictures of them, but they spook so easily. More so than any other bird. 

This Thursday I am going to hear the author of the book "90 minutes in Heaven" speak (Don Piper) at a local church.  I read the book very soon after my daughter died but never made it through it...then just about 2 months ago finished it this time.  Am interested in hearing all about his experience in heaven.  Hoping that it will give me some PEACE....

Gotta get motivated today...have been slacking off the last week due to be feeling awful.  Leaving you with an Irish blessing in case I don't make it on tomorrow. 

[align=center]Wishing for a Friend:

[/align][align=center]Wishing you a rainbow

For sunlight after showers—

Miles and miles of Irish smiles

For golden happy hours—

Shamrocks at your doorway

For luck and laughter too,

And a host of friends that never ends

Each day your whole life through![/align]

Peace, Sue

[Guest]

Carol - Don't you sometimes feel like throwing your hands in the air at God and asking, "What else ya' got!?"  If this life is truly "school" to help us grow spiritually, you must be in graduate class.  At any rate, I'm told we're never given more than we can handle.  I've argued with that, but so far it seems to be about right.  Positive energy and prayers for your hubby's kidneys!  I'm also glad you're fairly safe from the effects of the storm so far. 

Lynn - For me, and just for me, I don't know if I would call it jealousy as much as resentment that my daughter died and I've been give an unacceptable "alternative".   I have to literally force myself out of that kind of mind set and honor the reality of the person standing in front of me instead of the one that isn't.  Very difficult. 

Sue - So nice to see Michelle's smile this morning.  I hope you are on the mend.  Have you gone to a doctor?  Lots of rest and liquids........maybe some nyquil? 

Last night I dreamed about stray dogs.  All these dogs kept showing up at my door (which isn't far from the truth) and I took them all in until I could find their homes.  I woke with a warm cozy, doggy, feeling.  I'm allergic to cats, so we don't have any.  I sure am grateful for our dog, though.  I think Rosie said she has a golden, too.  Ours has the fiercest bark, but would never hurt anyone.  She thinks hands and feet were made for petting.  She has been a god send with the kids!

Loving you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

 

Sue I missed seeing Michelle's sweet face and hearing from you.  I am so sorry you are feeling poorly and hope you recover soon.  7 days is a long time. 

Carol I loved the pictures of your tickets to the game  How very creative you are!! I  too will pray for your hubby and  for a positive outcome. I find that is indeed a powerful and effective prayer.

 

Lynn I hear you  Love the new picture of beautiful Kayla  Sharing my alone time is so very difficult  Good luck with your girly hours..

 

Susannah  great picture of Stephanie and Amanda  They look like they are having such a good time  Happy memories.

 

Dee It will be 3 years of missing Stephen in May  It feels like a lifetime  I can image how missing Eri after 7 years feels like such a long time.  Praying for Jonathan peace.

 

Lorrie loved the picture and the note.  I have many like that  Paper wrinkled and old but the words so very precious.  Stephen always signed his notes with I love you and a   So very special to me.

 

Sherry and Dee, How are the deer sightings  .   My little squirrel survived the winds and rain  He was out yesterday very, very hungry  I had to shell over 15 nuts for him before he was full  He cheered my heart.

 

Kathy  I am so glad Tavian is back and  Greg I agree with the quote that you posted I do believe that all us Indigos are doing what Einstein said was must important.   Helping others to walk a difficult road with hope 

 

Colleen I hear you about your daughter's birthday  You will never be old!!!

Beth How is your daughter and big Blue  Thinking of you

.

Betsy, Trudie and Bonnie and Mary Ann I miss seeing Rich, Mike, Jason  and Brian these days.

 

Have a Blessed day everyone

Betty

Stephens's mom

 

 

 

 

[zachysmom]

Update:

Elisha is still really struggling. We are keeping a close eye one her. The school is helping watch her while she is there. She is on the top of the waiting list for a counseler at the local counseling center.

I had my first counseling appointment yesterday. So far so good. My counseler helped get my hubby and daughter moved up on the list. I told her a lot yesterday we didn't even get thru the first page of paperwork. She told me that with my life she was surprised I was still alive. She also told me it was ok to be depressed and angry and to do anything safe I needed to do to grieve. She understands how moms put on the mask to help everyone else while they slowly destroy themselves.

[ericasmom]

Carol, prayers and more for your Sweet Husband. I know that it must feel very scary, so hold onto the hands and hearts that love you. We are here. I do hope that the slanting rain gives way to a rainbow and mild temps. I know that there are flood threats all over the place, North Dakota, Minnesota, and out east. The local river is up quite high, a few days of no rain or moisture should help keep it from over spilling. The big melt however is causing swollen rivers up north to rush full speed down river so those who suffered that last year are looking to sandbag again.

My Mom-in-law had kidney cancer which is very treatable and that was 12 years ago, so she is doing fine kidney wise.

Thanks for your loving words for Jon.

Sus, nice photo of the Girls, the fun they shared.

Beth, I sure hope that they see that Elisha needs some assistance soon, that now that some of the grief is changing she will need guidance and direction from a profedssional. It is imperative to her sense of things. I am glad that you went last night and your counselor can guide you with the language best used for your Daughter. Best thoughts and prayers to you.

Sue, good to see you,

Sonya, you are on my mind.

Betty, three years feels like a lifetime when it comes to our Kids being gone, but along the way we pick up small treasures that allow us to always be their Mom/Dad. We move with them always in place inside of us. For some reason, seven is hitting me oddly, I can't figure out Eri as 26, but maybe that is because she will be forever 19.

Peace out gang that I love.

dee

[shorty16]

Indigos

I just saw 2 flocks of Sandhill Cranes.  1 flock with 30 birds and the other with 16.  They are headed to Horicon Marsh, about 50 min. North of me (by road).

Brian and I used to have a contest each year to see who could see the first Sandhill Crane or Great Blue Heron of the Spring.  in 2008, he won.  That was our last year.

Brian is smiling down on me.  I am so excited, Spring is indeed here.

Thanks for Listening

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[4everjoeysmom]

Carol, You and your hubby are in my prayers!!!

Dee, is it really a year in two weeks that Michael has been gone?? I almost can't believe that! The pendulum just keeps swinging....

[ericasmom]

Indeed Claudia. Michael left us on March 31st, 2009. Seems so hard to fathom, and his funeral was on Erica's birthday, 4-4-84. Somehow it all seemed like a spiritual way that the dates worked out. I miss him, I speak to him often.

Col, so cool to have heard and seen the sandhills. Glorious. I do believe that Brian is smiling that big grin of his, he saw them first and delights that you see them too.

dee

[summergirl]

Carol - you and hubby are in my heart and prayers...

Lynn - I understand what you mean...I love that Jessica's friends still keep in touch with me but sometimes I do not want to be around them or have them over as it is very diffacult to see them "moving on", talking about all that they are doing and what they are going to do...I get "jealous" of their ability to move forward as they do yet I know they miss her so much. It is different for you as this is a young girl whom I assume did not know your Kayla, or did she??  At least you are trying my friend and that is all we can do.   I totally agree with the "taking away my me time"....I am very selfish with "me time" as I need it, to be alone with my thoughts, my memories or whatever it is I need, it is an important part of this journey I believe. Prayers are with you.

Dee - wow, you sound like me....last July 21st Jessica would have been 30 and I could not deal with that at all, could not see her friends, did not do balloons....it was so heart breaking to me...there was no way my Jessica was 30 because she will always be 26 in my mind just as your Eri will always be 19....I do not think about Jess aging any more, it hurts and makes me so sad so I always see her as 26, a young, beautiful, loving mommy, the best daughter and my best friend.

Susannah - thank you, Tavian is amazing as he teaches me so much. There are times I swear that Jessica guides me on what to say and do......when we first lost Jessica Tavian and I were lying in my big bed and he looked at me with tears and said "mi-mi I want kisses from mommy", I did not know what to say or do and suddenly I said to him "close you eyes and think of mommy and lets see what happens", he closed his little eyes and I dipped my fingers into a glass of water that I had on the night table and I sprinkled just a few drops on his shoulder and back......his eyes flew open, he smiled real big and said "mi-mi, do you see it, I got kisses from mommy"...it was a moment I will never forget because I brought him happiness when he needed it so badly and because my Jessica guided me on what to do....there is no other explanation on how I would come up with that idea without her.  I believe our Angels guide us even if we do not know it...if we let our minds open up to the idea then we will see so much more.     I did talk to Bj today and he is not happy, does not like it, says it is not a good place....all of the things I did not want to hear but was informed that I would probably hear it.....I told him to hang tough and I was proud of him and love him....time will tell and hopefully all prayers answered.

Time to go read with Tavian....we are reading "cat camp" tonight, a chapter book from school....so great that he loves to read. This weekend I want to take him to see the movie "Diary of a Whimpy Kid"....he loves those books and wants to see the movie.  

Love to all indigo's as I think of EVERY ONE OF YOU each day.   Peaceful dreams, Kathy

[Guest]

Kathy - Today Jonathon (5 yrs old) was playing on the playground, and he ran up to me and hugged me and said, "Grandma, I will love you even when I'm big like 13 and I will take care of you, even though I don't have a mommy."  I told him how much I loved him and that I was so glad because now I get to be his grandma and a mommy.  He hugged me again and had a huge smile on his face when he ran back to the swings.

I don't know if I could have said that to him had I not read your words last night. 

If I had a dollar for every time Stephanie called to say how much she hated rehab I'd be rich.  And, I'm just talking about the one she completed!  She had been there a few weeks and she had decided she was going to leave.  It wasn't for her.  I listened, quietly as she recounted (once again) how they just didn't understand her, they were disrespectful to her, they were bossy...etc...and, she decided she was leaving.  When she paused, I quietly asked her what her other options were.

That took her breath away.  She had no response.  I had always been her other option.  I was always the one to buy her ticket home.  Pick her up.  Find her a place to live....etc.

Not this time.

She had no where else to go...she had to either stay in rehab or go back to the streets.  I honestly didn't know what choice she would make.  I think I was the most surprised that she stayed!  I just knew I couldn't "do the dance" with her anymore.  By then, I don't think I felt guilty anymore.  I was too desperate to save myself from her addiction and the lifestyle that goes with it.

Love you!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

JUST FEELNLIKE I HAVE NO ONE LOCAL TO TALK TO ABOUT KOURTNEY...NOT EVEN MONTY AT THIS POINT...

KOURTNEY INFRONT OF A RACE CAR WE USE TO SPONSOR....MY LIL GIRL

[ericasmom]

Lorri, so sorry that you feel so all alone. Is Monty just onto busy times right now, or not able to be the shoulder you have had in the past? Either way, I wish you were feeling better.

Yes Kathy, I do not usually try to picture ERi as a 25 or soon to be 26 yeal old because I do believe she is forever 19, but somehow, I have been in my subconcious. Then I realize that I am doing that and I feel sad. I actually love seeing her friends, knowing all the ways that they have changed and grown up since those pain filled times. I feel encouraged by seeing them, spending time. Actually, I am going out with Eri's friends on Saturday evening for dinner. But I sure do get the alone time thing. I am very protective of my me time, that quiet that can only be had if nobody is there, so Lynn, I sure do understand. How was the nail thing for th etwo of you? I can see that if she is immature and ungrateful then you are bound to wonder how she got to be this way. I hope that you get some sleep adn get away to work without any extras in the morning.

Peace People

PS Greg thought of you as I cried watching an IFC (independent film channel) movie about Neil Young, his trip to an old famous place in Tennessee. He and Pegi, his wife, and all the band he travels with including Emilou Harris...this trip was when he knew he had the brain anyurism, maybe right after it was dealt with. WOW! So I sat grading papers and crying with each song, the lyrics of my soul.

Peace to you Sir greg.

[Guest]

Good morning, Indigo's;

Trudi - Thinking of you this morning and hope your travels are going well.

Beth - I'm so glad you like your counselor.  You and your family remain close in my thoughts everyday.  Sending special prayers for Elisha.

Rose and Amy - Also thinking of you!

"Patrick died".  Jasmine (age 7) said to me last night as she climbed in bed.  I stopped dead in my tracks, thinking she was talking about one of her classmates.  Turns out she was talking about St Patrick of St Patrick's day.

Love and Peace,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Morning Indigos Happy St. Patrick's Day

 

Beth So glad to see Zachy;s precious face  Glad you are all getting help  Praying for your little daughter and I do hope Blue is doing well

 

Colleen two flocks of Sandhill  Cranes - How fantastic.    Brian is truly smiling ,as Dee pointed out- He saw them first!!!

 

Dee I understand the feeling about Jon passing being a Mystical Journey. I agree the  date being Eri Birthday is significant    Stephen passed on my 45 wedding anniversary and I felt it was also a sign

 

It is a beautiful day in NYC and I have plans to attend the Parade and then celebrate with the traditional Corned Beef and Cabbage.  Being out of doors in the sun with Great music will be good for my soul.  My parent  were both immigrants from Ireland. 

 

 In an effort to stress that we are all equal in this Country and it is important that we have unity, togetherness and that we are all valued citizens of this country,  I never told Stephen he was "Irish":  We celebrated the day but being Irish was never stressed.  In Kindergarten the teacher asked "Who here is Irish"  Stephen asked:" What is Irish"?  All the children laughed!!  He reminded me often  how upset he was because I did not clue him in .  Every St Pat's day I have that re memory:?

 

Have a great ST Patrick's Indigos

 

BETTY

STEPHEN'S MOM:)

[shellbellsmom]

[align=center]Happy St. Patrick's Day to Everyone. 

[/align]

[align=center]May the lilt of lush laughter lighten ever road,

May the midst of Irish magic shorten every road.

May you taste the sweetest pleasures

that fortune ever bestowed,

And may all your friends remember

all the favors you are owed.

[/align][align=left]Like Betty going out and celebrating my Irish heritage today with friends.  Used to have lots of family and friends over for my St. Paddy's Day celebration with my famous Corned Beef and Cabbage dinner...last one was in  2007.  Today before going out...heading to the cemetery to place some green flowers on my angels grave.  Hope the green beer cheers me up some other wise I will have green tears.   This picture was taken at our last family St. Patricks Day party 3/17/2007. 

Wishing you Peace to lighten your load.  Sue

[/align]

[hotsauce]

just stopping by to say good morning to all and

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

hugs to all

mary ann\Brian's momdukes

the weather is sunny and warm, for now all signs of winter are gone.

[briansdad]

They're always after

me lucky charms!!!!

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos

Just a bit of quick Irish humor.

What is Irish and sits in your yard all summer?

Patio-Furniture

HAHAHAHAHAH

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[heartbeataway]

"When Irish eyes are smiling, Sure, 'tis like the morn in Spring.In the lilt of Irish laughter You can hear our angels sing."

Wishing you no pinches on this journey ....:?

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[briansdad]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

Hello Indigos

Just a bit of quick Irish humor.

What is Irish and sits in your yard all summer?

Patio-Furniture

HAHAHAHAHAH

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

Groan!!!!!!!!!!

[daniellemom]

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to say hello and let you know that I'm thinking of you all each day.

Kathy - I'm so proud of you and BJ and I know Miss Jessica is so proud of you both!!

Love all of you

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[lolynbo]

THE ONLY THING GREEN ON ME IS MY ENVY...OF PPL THAT ARE HAPPY...IM HAPPY FOR THEM BUT SURE WISH WE CLD HAVE SOME OF THAT..

HAVE A BLESSED IRISH EYES A SMILIN DAY...

[summergirl]

Susannah - thank you and I am so happy that you got to say those words to the little one....it is not easy I know but necessary for them to be able to move forward.  Tonight I had a "talk" with my 2 guys about responsibility, listening and being respectful....Tavian has a way of making drama with me and usually I end up giving in but not anymore....they both listened and actually did not inturrupt me. Tavian is going to go to bed by himself tonight, I told him he is 8 years old now and it is not a good thing for mi-mi to be laying with him, that he is a big boy now and I am right here for him.  As we came upstairs tonight he said to Barry "pop-pop I am doing what mi-mi asked me too but you are not so I guess you didn't listen to her"...Barry asked him what he meant and he replied "you didn't help mi-mi clean up after dinner and that is responsibility" --  I was in my room laughing and saying to myself "you tell him Tavian".....too funny.    So in about 5 minutes I will put him to bed and we shall see how it goes.

Dee - I too enjoy spending time with Jessica's friends but there are just sometimes that it is painful still or maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself.  So gald that you get to spend time with Eri's friends....it is important and sure gives the heart an uplift to know they are still with you....

Need to get Tavian to bed so I will wish you all a good night and peaceful dreams.   Love you all, Kathy

[daveydow1]

AN IRISH SAYING......."MAY YE BE IN HEAVEN A HALF-HOUR BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YE'RE DEAD"........... HAPPY ST PAT'S DAY !!!

Dee---I know just what you mean about the 7 yr. mark coming up. How can

it be 7 years????  7 years since we've had our babies with us !!  Sometimes

too hard to even imagine, isn't it?   Prayers for you & Jon, as the 1-yr mark

for Michael's passing nears.  Peace & comfort, friend.

Sonya----So good to see sweet Danielle smiling out on BI.

Lynn & Susannah----I so understand about the envy/jealousy thing. I think that

we don't have a 'hateful'-type of jealousy, as much as a yearning & longing type

of envy because others have their children, and we don't.  It hurts.

Sue---I had read "90 Minutes in Heaven" some years ago, right after Davey left

this world. It was a worthwhile read, as I remember. Hope your cold is getting

better.

Beth---Remembering little Elisha in my prayers.

Carol----Thinking of and prayers for you & your husband.

Colleen----Wow....how exciting to see the Sandhill cranes flying north. Yay...spring!

Betty-----How grateful the little squirrel must be to have such a kind 'lunch server'

as you.  The parade in NYC is legendary.....and especially to you, whose parents

came from Ireland.  I have only one known ancestor from Ireland......a grt-grt-grt

grandfather who most likely died in the Johnstown Flood of 1889---that's what

the family folklore says anyhow.  Peace to you, friend.

Bonnie----Thinking of you.....hoping you're doing ok.

                 Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry