Loss of an Adult Child

[hotrod]

Dan   Loved the display.  So glad the weather held so you could finish.    The Christmas tree and Santa Flag were absolutely beautiful.  It is obviously a labor of love.

Lorrie You picture of Kourtney was beautiful. Glad Kody decided to light the candle for his sister, who he loves.

Good Night Indigos.   Sleep well with thoughts of our Special Angels

Betty Stephen's mom:)

[ericasmom]

Indigos,

I have been on very little as our home is freezing, as cold as it is outside. I am happy that it isn't sub-zzero as it was last week, so in many ways we are lucky. John went to the store to get a portable space heater adn so we have one warm room. Tomorrow afternoon, the guys with the new furnace come adnhopefully, tomorrow night, we will have heat again, good thing, since the cold is zooming in by Tuesday. fingers crossed.

Jonathan is making his way across Nebraska right now, so prayers that he finds his way home safely with joy in his heart. I wonder if he saw the lights across the plains.

Blessings to all and the night of lights. We let our Angels know in so many ways that we will never forget, not ever forget the mark on this world they have made.

Thanks for lighting a candle for our BIANGELS everyone, and naming our Kids Terrie.

My fingers are officially unable to do anymore, love to all,

Dee

[lostwoher]

From me to ALL of YOU ( the link didnt work- so...)

 HUGSSSSSSS!

Lynn

[mikesmomrs]

Wow!!!  cannot believe the ‘traffic” here in the past two days…it is so great to have this, isn’t it…when we need it more than usually, here we are…sharing, showing, and caring. 

Dee:  So sorry to hear about your furnace…I hope they get it all fixed in the morning…meantime, I guess you will have to rely on John to keep you warm. 

Beth:  Your helping so many, and your little bit is just smiling on  you with a smile as wide as Texas! 

Lynn:  thanks for the hugssssssssssssss, right back at you...have a good week...

Leah:  That is a wonderful pic of JaBoa and Raymond…it is a treasure.

Sue:  Thanks for the link to the cards…I had seen it before, but forgot about it, so your link was a nice reminder of a simple but wonderful thing to do.

Lorri: I know you are so very proud of Kody for lighting the candle for his sister…a huge step for him, perhaps, in his healing?  A beautiful picture that you took with you…of a beautiful girl.  Sherry:  When was it you said you were moving...did you say it wasn't til after Christmas?  Such a busy time of year to be taking care of that...prayers to you.  Marcia:  Thinking of you and hoping you are getting rested and healing...when is your trip? 

Betty:  thanks so much for lighting the second candle…the caring continues.  I too lit a second one…had one out on the porch and one inside, on the window sill.  Dan:  What a beautiful site you have put together for your handsome Nick...I know he is smiling...

Faith:  I hope you got the info about the candle lighting in time to light a candle for your handsome Ian...

It’s a Wonderful Life…a wonderful movie…lost count of how many times I’ve watched it…it was also one of Mike’s favorite movies…he just loved it; wouldn’t miss watching it every Christmas.  The year he and Sarah got married, I happened to find a Christmas ornament, showing a couple of little mice, sitting close on the sofa, and their TV was in front of them.  The title on the screen was “It’s a Wonderful Life.”  Nice, sweet memory.

Shelly:  So very glad to see you, holding you close as you approach this day of such mixed emotions for you.   The other children will keep you busy, for sure, and I pray Rohan will fill your heart with the sweetest of memories to help you through the day. 

Susannah:  So glad that your outing went so well all around.  Your grandies are back in your home, safe and sound.  Mariah sounds like a sage…such wisdom for one so young, but then…after what she’s been through.  It is just awesome that she is bringing healing to her soul, but I think that you and Gary are having to a lot to do with that, as well.  Thanks for sharing your signs from Stephanie.  Mike has left us many, many signs, all the time, everywhere.  I have a special page on his website with some stories of some of his signs, though I so need to add some more.  Perhaps after the first of the year…

Bonnie:  “Merry” has been in short supply here, as well.  Perhaps we could share what we do have, and it will bless us…”joy shared is doubled.”  And, of course, sorrow shared is made less in the sharing.  You have done a lot this weekend, and moving toward a Christmas that will bring many memories of your sunshine boy, Jay, and he will fill your heart with hope, even as the tears may come.  “Gingy”:  front and center!

Trudi:  Jeya’s birthday looks like you all had some fun…creating memories to help fill your heart…great pictures…just awesome.  Thanks for sharing.  The youTube song…tears…heartrending, and definitely a need for tissues.    Sending messages down under?  Well, perhaps Mike is setting you up…it really is a terrific movie, couldn’t tell from your post if you’ve seen it yet or not.  

All who are shopping for and giving to others…you are sharing the love of your child, living in your heart, going out to others and bringing joy to those in need.  The bittersweet is tempered by the feeling we have in our hearts after doing something that we know will bring joy to someone else…that feeling can be healing, as well…

Betsy:  The sheep video…just awesome…can’t think of people taking all the time it must have taken to make it, but glad they did…

Kathy:  I am so happy that you were able to get through the box opening and trimming the tree with Tavian…his heart is full, filled with sweet memories of his mommy, and filling up more with memories being created by such good times with his mi-mi.  These will provide strength for him when the tears come again. 

Terrie:  Thanks so much for writing our kids’ names at the candle lighting ceremony…it’s as Trudi said, not to worry about not remembering everyone’s name---it’s that you thought about them that is comforting to all of us. 

Mary ann:  I hope the weekend has been kind to you…thinking of you.

Claudia:  Sending prayers for more peace to settle in your soul and troubled heart…I hope you are finding some moments of calm and caring for yourself in these days of roller coaster rides and emotional upsets and worries.  I am sorry to hear that the donations for the Christmas baskets are down this year…we got paid this past weekend, so we will be sending ours this coming week.  I hope you are able to put some together again.  

Damon’s birthday was just wonderful…he was just so very happy, and he just floated around with his joy spilling out all over us and into our hearts.  He was overjoyed with his presents…we got him a big boat that Fisher Price has come out with, in their Imaginext series…similar to the “little people” toys of years ago, only brought up to modern standards.  It is a boat that carries an explorer sub, so he had tons of fun with its many parts and activities.  When he opened it and saw what it was, he said “Oh, my goodness, oh my goodness, now I am going to have TWO of these, because this is what I wanted for Christmas!!!”  (he still says “Doodness” so it was even cuter…)  He was fine with it when I told him that this was INSTEAD of getting it for Christmas…he just said “okay, that’s good too” and went back to playing.  Of course, we had to bring some Star Wars figures for him, also…what is a b’day or Christmas around here without them?!   More of the “oh my doodness, oh my doodness” for my soul to thrive on.  At one point he looked up from playing, and said “I just love you guys so, so much!  You are the best grandparents I could have!  And Umma, too!”  ("Umma" is Sarah's mom)  When we were leaving, he came to the door, and waving, said “It was so nice to see ya!  Come back again soon!”   Sarah is sending pics, I will post them when I get them...we forgot our camera.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I had seen two hearts from Mike this weekend…this evening I worked on his wreath and finally got it together…this year there are some added things…pics of the kids…Star Wars figure, GI Joe (he lived and breathed these in his youth)trans am, and other things connected with his life and memories, as well as a set of bells, and an “angel bell” from the Wonderful Life movie…it has the saying on it about the angels getting their wings every time a bell rings.  There is a ceramic heart at the bottom of the wreath with his name and dates engraved on it. I did forget to put the cd of music we made on it, so will do that tomorrow.   I hung the wreath on the wall to get a picture of it before we take it to Mike’s memorial site.  I stood back to take the pic and as I pressed the button, I noticed the middle of the wreath…I knew that Mike approved of what we had done when  instead of the usual round hole in the middle of the wreath, I saw the third heart of the weekend...

I hope that everyone has a good week, with lots of sweet memories for all my fellow Indigos, to keep them breathing...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[4everjoeysmom]

Thank you Carol for thinking of me and the baskets. We're definitely putting some together. We're at roughly 15 now, about half of last year, but anticipating more with hope.

My candle was lit. I actually had several going all around the house. I wanted it to sparkle for our kids!!

Today brought more bittersweet for us. Our car was taken by force several months ago by a former trusted friend and close associate, which occurred during the whole crisis where we were forced to move into a new location. We saw the car today, fixed up but unmistakably the same car. Got the police involved and found out the details of who has it now, how much he paid for it, etc. The sad part is we can now stop hoping it will be returned to us and know without a doubt the disposition of the whole situation. We are now indefinitely without a car until a miracle happens... or until however long it takes to get this through a court system and pending we can win. We have tons of evidence that we paid for the car and all the maintenance, etc...owned it since March 2006. Problem is we weren't established here yet so trusted an associate to be on the title as a trustee.....so much for that. Ugh! Anyway, kind of a long day, and it got longer when insomnia struck. Hope I can sleep for a while during the day, but always so much going on around here it's hard to get a nap in...

Dan, Love the decorations!! Very cool!!!

I can't believe Christmas is just 10 days away and I have not a single decoration here...because I don't have any to put up and can't afford to buy any. Have a very few from last year at a friend's storage, in the city 2 hours from here. Might get over this week to get them...I hope.... It's just feeling sad and not much like Christmas here. The poverty is so bad that not a single soul in this town has anything to display...no lights, nothing..... Very, very weird feeling, as I used to deck out my home for the holidays with fresh garland, lights, Snowbabies galore, my handmade Cresh, etc. Another lifetime ago...... Sometimes, even though by choice, being in this life of serving in missions is painfully difficult and vulnerable...... There are parts that are easier (less commercialism and Hallmark holiday stuff), but other parts so strange and hard....

Anyway....

Love to you all!! ~Claudia

[hotsauce]

good morning to EVERYONE here at BI.  i hope you all had a good weekend.

CAROL, thank you for thinking of me, big hug to you.

DAN, decorations are very nice for NICHOLAS, i'm sure he is proud of you.

went to my first candle lighting service thru TCF, it was beautiful. they lite four candles and as they read each child's name the church bells rang.  i cried a lot thru it, but is was very special.  it was raining all day, but the rain stopped just before the service started.  it was inside a very nice church, and there as a pretty good size group there.  

to ALL members of a club none of us really want to belong, thank you for your friendship, don't post much, but from reading all your post i have learned alot.

i hope you ALL have a good, safe week.

MARCIA, how did you candle lighting service go?

hugs and love to all

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[shellbellsmom]

Dee hope you warm up soon…..Safe travels for Jon as he makes his way home. Hopefully his soul was rejuvenated on his little get away to the mountains. 

Lorrie the pups are adorable….love the ribbons and bows.  At the Christmas horse riding party I was taking pics at this weekend they had bows and glitter on the horses the kids rode….

Dan your son’s display is by far the best one I have seen to date…did you use all solar lights?  The angel that glows at night- where did you find it?  Where I live we have very little sunshine in the winter months because we are so close to the lakes which make it very hard to keep a charge on my solar lights.  I have only seen my wreath shine two days so far. 

Carol so glad you day with the birthday boy Damon was wonderful.  There is nothing like making a child smile.  I see the heart too.  So glad your Mike has been sending you messages that he is near you and making sure you find that holiday spirit without him.  I think a lot of us having been sent messages recently.  Keep them coming kids….we welcome your heavenly energy. 

Mary Ann glad to see that you attended your 1^st candle lighting ceremony last night.  I lit as many candles as I could find around my house last night.  The one directly in front of me on my coffee table was flickering like crazy all hour.  I mentioned it to my husband too, there was no breeze, we weren’t moving around and it kept flickering like crazy.  Definitely felt like she was there with us.  Had to blow them all out shortly after 8:30 though as all the different scents clashing together were causing my hubby to sneeze uncontrollably. My daughter also had a hard time with strong scented candle smells…maybe it was her staying~ enough mom, time to let dad breath again. 

Sure do miss my gift wrapping girl Michelle.  Once she got old enough and didn’t believe any longer she wanted to help wrap the gifts.  My mother even paid her $1 a present for a couple years as she had too many grandchildren to do it themselves. My son misses his gift buyer….the two of them would always go half-sies and get our gifts together.  She always knew what to get, and of course wrapped them too.  The 1^st Christmas my son was so lost….he was frantically asking me to tell him what we wanted.  We as usual said just get whatever you want to give us.  She always knew…my son hasn’t a clue.  Now, I make a little list to pick from…and he makes me be real specific, including name brand etc.   Last week I told myself self to start the wrapping…just get it over with.  Today once again I am telling myself, go upstairs and get the wrapping done.  Need to start getting some motivation….still feeling those holiday blues.  

Here are some new pictures a friend gave to me last night.  This one is making gingerbread houses at her house.  Something we always did....I haven't been able to attend since.  She loved kids and was always lending a hand.....

Peace, Sue

[shellbellsmom]

I have the timeshare box in my trunk.  No one knows except my friend and myself.  Will open it up when my son leaves for school this afternoon.  Want to tell my husband but he was being such a poop about it before I think its better that I just do it secretly and then decide later if he needs to know.  Anyways the picture was of Michelle that night 10 years ago.  I have been so sad about this box....it has consumed with me with sorrow just knowing she had no idea that in 10 years she wouldn't be here with us to share in opening up this box.  All her dreams would never ever be lived.  Nor, will any of mine now.  She looked so happy and full of life here.  I hate cancer so much! It destroys families and lives.  Having a real hard time with this GOD....

[align=center]

[/align][align=center]This is New Years Eve 1999.  Michelle with her cousin Cierra. 

[/align]Need to find some kleenex, Sue

[shellbellsmom]

Still not wrapping.....here's a video that I wanted to share.  The first part is just them talking but its a beautiful song with so true lyrics to me. 

Peace, Sue

[Guest]

I don't know what to say this morning.  Just checking in.  I lit a candle last night, thinking of all our children. 

God Bless,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Carol  So happy to see the Heart in the Christmas Wreath  So wonderful and perfect. Damon's Birthday Party sounds perfect.  I loved his little comments and his saying of "Doodness"  So very special and sweet. 

 

Stephen always said "Nonut" for donut and "Noee"when he did not want to do anything.  These words are precious and we always remember them.

 

Dee I do hope the furnace has been replaced by now and that Jon is on his way home renewed in spirit

 

Sue Loved the picture of Michelle she certainly looks beautiful.  I understand about the wrapping.  I solved that by switching to gift shopping bags with tissue.  It is fast, looks pretty and is a new tradition.  Praying for you as you open the Time Share Box.

 

Claudia  I am so very sorry for the added burdens.  Rest and take care of your energy.  Praying for your peace.

 

MaryAnn, Susannah, Trudi, Kathy, Lynn and  all Indigos have a safe day.

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[ericasmom]

Maryanne, so glad that you attended the candle lightng service in a church near you. I know you must have been moved by its solemn beauty. I don't attend a candle lighting though thought that maybe one year I will, simply lit a candle in my home and took delight in knowing that our angels are dancing as the flame does. I am so happy to know that you are including yourself in ceremonies adn services that put you near others who KNOW>

Thanks all for the WARM thoughts, they warm me in ways that a furnace never can. The furnace is supposed to come this afterenoon, so here's hoping. Jonathan is home again, and my heart is glad. I called him last evening before I went to bed and he was in Omaha. Now his car is tucked into his spot in his driveway, Iwalked past it this morning at 6:00 on my walk. I know he had fun, I look forward to hearing more about his trip. I talked to Eri and Michael and Grandpa Max and my Mom, Lenore quite a lot since Jon left, asking that they guide his car over the dangerous spots if possible. That he get to his destination and view the beauty of the world from high above on a mountain and that he allowed his spirit to receive all that there is out there to soak up in the way of goodness.

Claudia, I don't quite know how you do what you do, though i admire it so very much, I could not do it. I wish that I could somehow make your little home shine in a way that would bring you some joy, perhaps on Christmas Eve, you will be blessed with starlight from heaven, pointing out the direction that brings you joy.

Sue, love the photos.

Carol, love the birthday photos and the hearts. Oh my doodness.

Trudi, same to you , the birthday photos are the gift of now, living in this moment and allowing that joy to show you the way.

Dan, the scene you set at Nick's space is gorgeous, the lit up angel is amazingly pretty. Was that moonlight shining on it or a light?

Loving you all so very much.

dee

[Guest]

This just this morning.   Take it or chalk it up to my insanity.

I was doing dishes and thinking that I wished God had just changed Stephanie instead of taking her.  It wasn't a prayer.  I wasn't even "talking" to anyone.  Just thinking to myself.

My thoughts were interrupted with this.  It was in Stephanie's voice and, as usual, there was joy in her words.:

"Mom, God didn't take me.  It was my time to go.  It's always been part of the plan.  It's all perfect".

Not sure I believe it...but...

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

Indigo's

Well, I have two friends that are coming over for a small gift exchange on Thursday night.  This is the same friend who called me crying that missed her daughter at college.

I told her I was having a hard time getting "it" together and she asked if we wanted to meet somewhere else other than my home.  That is not the point.  The point is I am going through life without my son.  Where we gather for gift exchange does not change that fact.

I am just a B&%ch today.  I used to love the holidays and now they are a constant reminder of what I have lost.

I sure hope time softens me a bit.

Heaven help me

Colleen

[briansdad]

This sucks!! My PC at home is shot and I can't get on often at work. It makes it really tough to keep up. Also I have your books they will go out this week.

Greg

[shellbellsmom]

The mystery of the box is no longer.  I had to be creative and open it like it hadn't been touched...hate being so sneaky.  The tape was all yellowed and I did manage to make it work.  Inside all sorts of stuff that must have been important to us back then.  The forms that were to be completed I found right off the bat and Michelle's was the top one.  For the question what will you be doing in 2010 she said, unmarried with no kids and owner of a shoe lace factory.  That was her running gig about what she wanted to be.  It was her way of  saying" how the  heck do I know".  She also mentioned one of her favorite holiday traditions was when all her family got together.  Sniff Sniff.

I watched the video to of the party.  It's quality of the VHS tape was very poor and probably didn't do well going from  heat to cold (attic of her garage) and you could make out what they were saying but I couldn't get the tracking to stop the lines and constant rolling of the tape.  My Michelle was in it and so darn happy too.  She had the biggest smile every time she was shown.  When she was interviewed she said the same thing about  the shoe lace factory but when they asked what she thought about the future I couldn't make out anything she said.  It was all mumble. Darn.  Anyways I feel much better....just need to get the box back to my friends house before the hubby finds out I snooped.

Glad that is over now....now I can start stressing out about the next thing that comes up.  ....l Hope everyone is having a decent day today. 

 Take Care, Sue

[mpsmom]

Hello Indigos, Amanda has asked me to post this picture of Ashton, he is two weeks old today.................Cuter every single day... I hope this posts, we are working from pic cell phone to cell phone...and as you all know I am technically challenged. :?

Hugs to you all, will post when I can.... Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[mikesmum]

Sue - The mystery of the box is no longer.  Glad you got to open it in a place where you were comfortable.  So Michelle was going to own a shoelace factory.  The simplicity of her view on her future was refreshing.    Love the music clip - and you are right cancer sux.  Its ripple affect a big part of it.  Is that a gingerbread house or several in the pic of Michelle?

Dee - Glad your momma heart can rest now you have seen Jon is home safe and sound.  Its like we hold our breath each time our kids venture out - waiting for them to be safely home.   Hope the furnace is installed today.  We are having a dose of summer tomorrow 39C so I'll package some up and send it through.

Amanda - this little one looks directly into the camera as if to say .. "so thats who you all are"!  Gorgeous precious little man. 

Marcia - Technically challenged I dont think so.....now me I have an iPod with every song off my computer downloaded.  Dont know how it happend - I plugged it in and was reading how to when it said memory now full....(lol).  How goes the progress with the ankle?

Greg - Hope Santa brings you a new one.  Love to see the face of Brian and his babygirl.

Colleen - I had a sticker once that said 50% Angel - 50% B&%*#, subject to change without warning!  In the past 2 and a bit  yrs the fluctuations are huge..  Just the time of year...missing Brian and the life we all know we had once.

Susannah - Glad Steph gave you the msg - I truly believe our kids are okay.  I am coming to an understanding that it was their time.  Cant say I'm okay with it, but hey.

Carol - Mike always wants you to know he gets it.  Driving home from the city we took a fwy we don't normally take.  Passing us, a car with personal plates in red and white....FENWAY.  I guess I can't go anywhere without the Mike collective watching!

I worked out the BlueRay and the big telly thingy yesterday.  Watched IGOR.  In it the Igor makes two creations. One is I think a rabbit that never dies despite his attempts and the other is a brain in a jar with wheels and a mechanical arm. 

The brain has his name written across his jar....I couldn't stop laughing....he had tried to write BRAIN but it came out BRIAN......tears streaming, the other half was about to get out the net and call the truck!  Even after I explained it he didn't get it.....I guess you have to be an Indigo!

 

[mikesmum]

Just wanted to share - This is Steven John earlier this year.  He was at a birthday party for one of the grandies.  The blue band on his wrist has been there since Mikes funeral......

[daveydow1]

HI to everyone at BI....

Betty---Thanks for your kind words. I lit a candle at 7  p.m.  at home. I had

not caught any announcements in the paper where the CF were having

a lighting ceremony. Just lit a nice white candle & put it in the window.

This ritual is very meaningful and helpful, isn't it ?

Terrie----thanks so much for the message you wrote on the table at the

candle lighting.

Trudi----Your Steven is a very handsome guy---great pic.

Marcia & Amanda---Oh, sooooooo cute....little Ashton. Thanks for sharing.

Marcia, .... I , too,  am a bit electronically challenged, as you might guess,

since I don't often post pictures. Maybe I'll get onto it someday....Maybe .

Colleen----Sorry you are having a hard time. Yes, these holidays are a real

hurdle to get over, aren't they?  I wish I could just skip over to January, really.

Peace & comfort be with you.

Dee----BRRrrrrrrrr. I hope & pray you have your furnace fixed by now. Wish you

could come to my house to warm up.

Sue----Love the pic of Michelle with Santa....so cute. I have one of Davey with

Santa when he was about 5, but I don't know where it is right now.....all in a

mess with the upcoming move.

Greg----Hope Santa Claus has a new PC in his bag for you this Christmas.

              Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

[daveydow1]

I looked in one album I have started with just pictures of Davey, and

There it was.....his picture with Santa Claus when he was 5 yrs. old.  

[shellbellsmom]

Today she received more mail then I did;

• 1 asking her to sign up for AM. EX Card
• 2 asking her if she wants to sign up for COBRA for $584.36 a month for continuing medical coverage
• And this; 

Thought you'd like a laugh today....

[nicksdad]

Dan your son’s display is by far the best one I have seen to date…did you use all solar lights?  The angel that glows at night- where did you find it?  Where I live we have very little sunshine in the winter months because we are so close to the lakes which make it very hard to keep a charge on my solar lights.  I have only seen my wreath shine two days so far.

The christmas lights and the 2 lights in front of the stone are all solar as is the angel. We order the angel from here: http://www.solarlightcross.com/site/745954/product/Angel-1

Dee...Dan, the scene you set at Nick's space is gorgeous, the lit up angel is amazingly pretty. Was that moonlight shining on it or a light?

I think maybe it looked that way because of the camera? Not really sure but I only used my iPhone to take the pic and I have no flash for it. At night I like being there it does look very nice and it's peaceful..

[mikesmum]

[user=19489]shellbellsmom[/user] wrote:

Today she received more mail then I did;

• 1 asking her to sign up for AM. EX Card
  
• 2 asking her if she wants to sign up for COBRA for $584.36 a month for continuing medical coverage
  
• And this; 

Thought you'd like a laugh today....

Ahhh the computer generated database.........Can't be moved from its dedicated program.

We had similar with a 'new ward clerk' at the hospital my dad died in.  The morning of his funeral we got a call letting us know dad left without paying his account.  I worked in the system and asked her what the discharge 'code' was on his history.  She looked and said "D for Discharged"...the silence was deafening...I explained the D was actually 'Died'.  Below that was his Veterans number, the account was to be sent to Veterans Affairs.   :?

 

Having worked in the system I explained

[4everjoeysmom]

Trudi, Oh my gosh...I can't believe the "D" thing. Crazy..

Sue, Glad the stress is relieved from the box mystery. Such a lifted weight...

The mail thing....ugh! The world doesn't stop!!

Marcia, Ashton looks like his mama!! Such a beautiful baby! How's your leg?? Is it itchy under that cast yet?

Dee, thanks for your encouragement, as well as others here. I don't know how I get through the rough spots. Just hank God that I do...I'm sure he has something to do with it...

Sherry, I watched the Santa Clause with Tim Allen the other day (the first one). That picture of Davey sitting on Santa's lap made me freeze. The kid in the movie who plays Tim Allen's son resembles Davey, I think...

I can't keep up with all the posts......... I was trying to remember who said what. It's a lost cause. So...

Think of you all, all the time.... HUGS!! ~Claudia

[homeschoolmom]

So many times I've started drafting a message...then I end up closing it without everv sending it.  Decided today that there will be no more projects for me for the next few months.  I start counseling (marriage) on Wednesday, and just need this time to work on our relationship, and to become stronger.  I've stuffed so much deep inside, that now I'm afraid of what I'll see... The answer, however, isn't in doing more. I had started decluttering, intending on selling our house here, getting something smaller, then moving back to Jamaica. It was draining me.  T is still not working. And I am slowly going crazy- or maybe I'm already there and in denial

Down the road, though, I'm hoping to still do the boarding at our house in JA, just hire a caretaker vs being there ourselves- and doing foster care here.  Our house here is almost 4000 sq ft, so adequate space for a few kids, guess we would need to add a fence to block access to the lake.  My only real concern is taking in older boys while my girls are here.  So, if I could, I guess I would limit the age of the boys to about 7ish... Still, that, if it comes to pass, whether here or in JA, will be several months down the road, to allow me some time and opportunity for healing; for rest.

The kitchen remodeling is coming along nicely! We redid the lights and added the recessed ones, with a fancy curved one in the center.  We ripped off the old country wallpaper (think peach and blue and ducks/hearts/flowers), and got up all the old peachy tile in there.  We painted it the same neutral beige that most of the house has, changed the hardware on the cabinets, and voila! A room makeover (in the making) a la HGTV. The rest of this week we will continue installing the flooring, changing the countertop color, and adding the backsplash- glass mosaic tiles.  Once we're done in there, it should match the decor of the rest of the house.

Add to the above a quiet sense of foreboding, a few tears, some laughter, a feeling of not being the best mom/teacher/wife that I could be...and you're all caught up.

Overwhelmed, but still grateful...

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

 

[summergirl]

Hello all Indigo's -

ASHTON is so adorable....thank you Marcia for keeping us up to date with this precious baby and family...hugs to Amanda.  Seems to me you do pretty good with the technical thingy's ...way better then me....bless you.

Sue - so gald the Mystery Box has been opened and you feel better....love the shoe lace factor

Susannah - I believe;) .... Steph is right, it was her time as it was for all of our Angels and although we hate it there is a reason for all things and when we meet our maker we shall then have no more reasons to ask WHY.

Greg - Sure hope Santa brings you a nice BIG PC....  What books?? I am sure I missed a posting somewhere along the way....

Trudi - so glad you worked out the blueray and the telly....love the pic of the "BRAIN/BRIAN.....to cute....glad to hear you had a BIG laugh.

Dee - hope that furnace is in by now and you are toasty warm...I hate the cold so I give you a big thumbs up for hanging in there...always telling Barry I am cold and he and Tavian look at me like I am crazy....can't help it I am a summer girl.

Carol - thank you, yes sweet memories for Tavian....making them with him now as I once did with my Jessica....she is here also just not in the way I want.

I am in a funky mood, cannot explain it...one minute I seem ok and the next I want to scream.....seems like my brain is going to fast, thinking to much and no answer's to any of my questions even though I do not even really know what my questions are - talk about the men in the white coats coming ..... maybe they should and I could get some rest;)   

I am right there with you on the wrapping...was going to do it tonight and then my sister called and we talked for an hour so I guess I better get on it tomorrow night. I usually wait till Christmas Eve.....but not this year...have to get it done.   We got Tavian a laptop...real nice and I am so excited so I can have mine back....we looked at the mini laptops but not worth the money so we got a nice Dell for around $530, he will be happy and it is something he can use for school....he loves looking up things such as sharks, dinosaurs etc. and reading about them.  Also got him a Play Station 3 and Barry got him a gas powered race car....Barry has one so now they will be able to go outside and race together.   What happened to the days of match box cars and play dough ????

Tavian's grandma is leaving Wednesday for the Dominican, her birthplace, to viisit family for the Holidays, will be back Jan 7......so I have no worries about the Holiday with her.....I got a hold of Tavian's therapist and we are setting something up, I believe he needs it and will talk to him much more about Grandma and we can go from there.

Doing our annual Hay ride, caroling this Saturday night....a bunch of us get together and ride in the wagon sitting on bales of hay and go to different places, we try to go to places where we know they are alone, not well or just having a hard time....it brings joy to my heart....although I am not sure they get joy from my singing 

Time to read and hopefully a good night sleep. love to all my friends. Kathy

JESSICA, JESSICA, JESSICA

[lolynbo]

YA CRAPPY MAIL...I GET MAGAZINES FOR "THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE"..ITS THE HARDEST IF YOU SURVIVE THAT ....BLAHLBAH BLAH...ADDRESSED TO KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL...SHE DIDNT EVEN GET TO MAKE IT TO HER 1YR ANNIVERSARY OR EAT HER CAKE...

much and no answer's to any of my questions even though I do not even really know what my questions are - talk about the men in the white coats coming .....

THE WHITE COAT GUYS ARE COMING TO GET ME FIRST KATHY YOU HAVE TO WAIT

DOWN TODAY MAYBE I WIL BE BETTER TOM..

KOURTNEY  AND FRIENDS CHRISTMAS 06'..HER LAST...HER ON EARTH

[summergirl]

NO WAY LORRIE - WE SHALL HAVE TO GO TOGETHER AND SHARE A PADDED ROOM;)

[lolynbo]

BRING ON THE LIL BIRDIES AND THE LOONIES...MAYBE WE COULD PLAY WITH FIRE!!!

[summergirl]

Shelly - you are welcome to join Lorrie and I in the padded room;)    Sounds like the house is beautiful and I pray that you find some peace in counselling. This road is up and down, lots of hills and valleys, curves and sometimes it is just straight, long and neverending.... a battle for sure.  Bless you.

 

[ericasmom]

Have heat thanks all, so very tired, must sleep.

love to all,

kisses Ashton, handsomest Baby-man.

[Guest]

I have the "am I crazy?" talk with myself all the time (since Stephanie died).  "Maybe I'm REALLY insane" I'll think to myself.  I've been assured insane people don't wonder if they're insane.  Not sure I buy it. 

Glad to see you all here tonight.  I feel so out of the loop...or get lost trying to find it, anyway.  Dee - you were out of heat?  I feel so bad that I missed it!  I remember you saying you were cold, but I attributed it to the weather.  I SO want to be more aware of others!

Ashton is the cutest ever!

Much love!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmum]

Shelley - There are so many layers to this journey.  Its like being in a house with multiple wallpapers hung one over the other.  Just when you think you've peeled them all back....wham.  I wish you luck and hope that your husband finds work, not easy in this climate..

I look around here and see the accumulation of unfinished and could just shut the door and walk away.  

I managed to bath Muttley today - more fun than a chore.

I have taken some of my own advice and chosen just one task to complete even if its one a day.  Today was the kitchen cabinets.  There was so much just sitting on the bench tops 'cause I couldn't be bothered putting them away.  Bench tops clear - snooze time for me and Muttley.

[cameronsmom1]

Thanks Marcia for posting the picture, I have no idea how to get them off of my phone!!

Sorry I haven't wrote in a while, just been enjoying my baby!! He is such a good baby. He hardly ever cries he sleeps really good and is so alert and so content. I am so lucky. Daddy won't ever put him down, he is such a proud daddy and is so good with him for never being around a baby before. He is always asking me to show him how to do things and has helped out a lot. I hope everyone is doing good. I will try to catch up soon.

Amanda

[mikesmum]

Blessings Amanda - each one a blessing. 

[Guest]

Good morning Indigo's;

Woke at 3:33am.  An hour later than usual. :shock:  Drugs are not working to help me sleep.  I might have to consider cutting caffeine out of my diet.   I have stopped drinking coffee after 12 (noon).  I do so love my coffee.  with cream and sweetner.

Well, coffee in hand this morning.  I'm still feeling Stephanie's closeness.  Loving it!  More importantly, for now, I'm also feeling the nearness of my Creator.  Loving that, too. 

Sending love and peace!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

 

It was a beautiful warm day yesterday so I rushed out to finish my shopping.  It is amazing I am not hating Christmas, the Music, the Crowds this year.  I can even listen to friends talk about their children and what they are buying them.  That is a miracle in its self.  I am sure it is being here talking and sharing with each of you has made the difference..  I am really grateful for that.

 

Dee so glad you are warm and resting

 

Sherry  Loved the picture of Davey with Santa . What a precious memory !!!Thanks for sharing it.

 

Trudi  Great that you worked out the Huge TV thing . Loved the photo of Steven he is certainly a handsome man.  The blue bracelet is a fine honor to your son Mike.

 

Marcia  So good to see lovely Bethany's face Thanks for posting Ashton's picture  I hope you are doing better.

 

Shelley  It is good that you found the energy to post.I found that it really helped to just come here and read and when possible to post.  I believe it is because I felt I was no longer alone.

 

 

 

Have a warm safe day

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[homeschoolmom]

I have redone Bree's curriculum with very little down time since we've taken SO many this past year. Still, I have her working mostly on the computer which she enjoys, and there is a good mix of fun and not so fun stuff... Pray that this works as I try to get myself more organized (usually NOT a problem).

I have a multicultural christmas cd on (Bree's selection) and I may just try to teach them a song in french or spanish...

Spoke to my realtor about not listing my house and halting the search for a vacation home. Surprisingly, she actually encouraged me to take a break from it all, and thinks I would be great with some Foster kids down the road... We'll see.

Slightly misty morning here in Central Fl, but still warm.  Yesterday we actually had the AC on!!! Don't worry, I love the snow, so I'm more envious of those of you further North.  I lived a couple years in New Jersey and loved it...even digging out my car from under a couple feet of snow while 6 months pregnant ( was in the Navy)

Anyway, breakfast is waiting to be made, and kids standing here waiting on me. I'm supposed to be making banana bread...but no bananas...prob pancakes instead.

Blessings to you all-

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

 

[heartbeataway]

Friends of Jay went to his memorial site and cleared the snow and took this picture. It's interesting because the night before, I laid in bed wondering what his site looked like and if it was covered in snow, etc ......

Now I know .......

In case you're wondering, it has a leather dream catcher attached to it. There's a heart shaped rock next to the cross,  I thought it was missing but I think it's still there.

I took it to the site and it would make me sad if it disappeared.

I had a dream night before last that I put the tree up and put Gingy off to the side, almost in the back where I usually put it but when I went back to the tree, it was in the spot Jay would always put it.  Right smack in the front middle of the tree.

It was a sad, fun dream. 

[homeschoolmom]

Bonnie, that was awesome. How kind people can be! Praying for many more such blessings to come your way-

Shelly, Rohan's mama

[ericasmom]

Hello my Fellow Indigos,

I have been fighting some kind of TIRED virus, I am so very tired. I could lock this classroom door during lunch adn lay on the hard linolium and sleep. Part of this is my mind is going too fast; what do I have to accomplish today, what about tomorrow...and I have been waking in the night for longer times, an hour or so, I read, my body is so tired I don't get out of bed, so I read whatever novel I am in to help me get my mind off of things and get my eyes all tired out. Last evening, I watched a favorite show of mine and husband, called Closer, and I was head-bobbing all the way through it, so I went to bed by 9:15 and fell deeply. I dreamed adn dreamed, woke up alarmed, but don't remember why.

Bonnie, love that you thought about Jason's site and then were sent the photo. What loving friends, letting you know adn Jay, that he will never ever be forgotten. I love the peace rock, shows up so well.

Betty, I am so happy that you are feeling some of the joy of the holiday, and that it is marked improvement from last year, so happy that this home we share is letting you know that you have a family to join in your days. I feel very connected to you as you find your way into each day adn look forward to your posts.

Trudi, love the TV fix. How did you manage that? I am not one to let loose near electronics, I tend to drain batteries just being near them, and I break things, I really break things. I think that I have had about 12 vacum cleaners in my life..

Sherry, love LOVE that photo of young Davey on Santa's lap. I love the look he has on his little face, his brown eyes shining, his sweet hopes worn on his face. Thanks for sharing his young years with us. I love that you wondered about that photo and there it was. Davey letting you know he is all around.

Dan, if that photo was taken on your cell, well I would say that Nick showed us that he was there, shining in the moonlight.

Shelly, you have much on your plate, both the nature of having a houseful of young ones, and the holidays mixed with your grief, and now counseling. I am very glad that you are going to see someone, I am praying that whatever is best for you is what you find. You have, as they say, many plates in the air, balancing them all has got to be exhausting. One day, you will be able to take some time to just Be. That is my Christmas Wish for you, that you get some relaxing time and let yourself BE.

Marcia, how nice that you posted the lovely photo of Ashton. He is gorgeous, and yu are so kind to share for all of us. How are you feeling? Are you hobbling about or are you facing surgery?

Amanda, you never have to apologize for not writing, nobody does, but heavens, two weeks home with a Baby sure finds you busy and hopefully resting when you are able. Enjoy the sweetness of this time.

Lorri, any news on Little Kourtney?

I will write some more later,

I love you all,

dee

[shorty16]

Indigos

This has been a huge week in the aerospace industry.

1.  The Airbus A400 Military Plane had its maiden voyage this week.

2.  The Boeing 787 Dreamliner also had its maiden voyage today.

We make the navigation equipment for both planes.  Finally seeing fuition to our years of labor.

YEAH

Colleen

[daveydow1]

Claudia---I have seen "The Santa Claus" with Tim Allen, but not for quite

some time......will try to catch it again this Christmas season. Thank you

for your kind words, and the tip about the movie.

Betty---Thanks to you, also, for your kind words. Glad to hear that you

are enjoying the shopping season more this year. I bought toys for a

1-yr. old baby yesterday, and it brought a smile to my face.

Dee----Sorry to hear of your tiredness/insomnia. I, too, have many of those

'waking up at 2 a.m.'  episodes, and I read too. Then when I get drowsy, I

go back to sleep. I do feel that this type of interrupted sleep is not as restful

as several hours of uninterrupted rest, though. Oh, ....glad that your furnace

is in good working order again. Thanks for the kind words regarding Davey's

pic with Santa. He was the sweetest little boy. Hope that you can get some

serious sleeping time in. Take care, friend.

                  Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry   

[briansdad]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

Indigos

This has been a huge week in the aerospace industry.

1.  The Airbus A400 Military Plane had its maiden voyage this week.

2.  The Boeing 787 Dreamliner also had its maiden voyage today.

We make the navigation equipment for both planes.  Finally seeing fuition to our years of labor.

YEAH

Colleen

SORRY DON'T LIKE AIRBUS. GO BOEING!!!!!!!!!! USA ALL THE WAY.

[mysonrich]

[user=10710]briansdad[/user] wrote:

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

Indigos

This has been a huge week in the aerospace industry.

1.  The Airbus A400 Military Plane had its maiden voyage this week.

2.  The Boeing 787 Dreamliner also had its maiden voyage today.

We make the navigation equipment for both planes.  Finally seeing fuition to our years of labor.

YEAH

Colleen

SORRY DON'T LIKE AIRBUS. GO BOEING!!!!!!!!!! USA ALL THE WAY.

 

 

why do I get this feeling that Greg works for Boeing?

 

[lolynbo]

IVE GOT A  BUG CALLED "IDONTGIVEASHITTY"....BUT I WILL COME THROUGH

GOOD NEWS KOURTNEY LYNN CAME HOME SUNDAY...AND IS DOIN WELL, SHE GOES TO DOC TODAY FOR ANOTHER CHECK UP..THANK YOU FOR ASKING...I POSTED ON FB AND DIDNT ON HERE, IM SORRY I ALSO SUFFER..FROM "ISUCKY"....

[briansdad]

[user=27668]mysonrich[/user] wrote:

[user=10710]briansdad[/user] wrote:

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

Indigos

This has been a huge week in the aerospace industry.

1.  The Airbus A400 Military Plane had its maiden voyage this week.

2.  The Boeing 787 Dreamliner also had its maiden voyage today.

We make the navigation equipment for both planes.  Finally seeing fuition to our years of labor.

YEAH

Colleen

SORRY DON'T LIKE AIRBUS. GO BOEING!!!!!!!!!! USA ALL THE WAY.

 

 

why do I get this feeling that Greg works for Boeing?

 

No I don't but I live where Mac  Douglas built the F-15 Eagle then Boeing bought them.They also make cruise missiles here. I never thought a govenment subsidized company like Airbus was fair competition for Boeing.

 

[daveydow1]

Lorrie----Glad to hear that the baby Kourtney is now home from the hospital.

bless her little heart.

            Sherry

[mpsmom]

Sherry, What a smile you brought to my face with your posting,.....my mom,raised in the south, always said "bless his little heart" about the kitty she took from us to keep for the last 3 years of his 21 year old life ( we had doggies an dhe was just too old to enjoy being around them) ...she would say "He is just so sweet, bless his little heart"  Bethany got the biggest kick out of this.....she would imitiate grandma Rita all the time: "Bless his little heart" ... Thank you, it is funny how the smallest things make us smile, anything that brings a new memory to me of my little girl makes my day

Thank you<  Marcia    Bethanys Mom Forever

Indigo's I am on major burnout, I know you all 'get it' , I will be back to my old self soon..... :?