Loss of an Adult Child

[shorty16]

Terrie

It was a bad weekend here also. Nate (17) fell asleep at the wheel, flipped the car and was pronounced dead at the scene.

The accident is 1/2 mile from the parents home.  Just like us.

I am going to write a letter to the family with my cell phone and e-mail address.  I have looked for their phone number, but no luck.  They live in Hartford, about 30 miles north of me.

Handsome young man - so sad.  I pray for them.

Terrie, also love what you wrote to Ashton.  Yes, he will have more virtual parents than he can handle and countless angels watching over him.  I put in a little push to Brian to give Ashton's older brother a big hug in heaven.

Colleen

[Guest]

Colleen - Thanks for sharing such a difficult time with me.  I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.  I hope I can present myself with as much dignity and grace with which you did.

So sad about Nate and the other two young people.  My heart goes out to their families.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[rlolheiser]

Yesterday was so tedious, I didn't get in here.  I missed it, it helps me to read at least even if I don't post.  I had to take my mother to her dr. appointment.  The doctor said she is basically stable.  She threw a new problem at me, she said her kidneys are starting to fail, then turns around and asks if she wants a colonoscopy.. Mom has never had one, never complained about any problems...  She has already been told the only type of surgery she should ever have is lifesaving,  I talked it over with mom and we decided no.. she is holding her own.  That took us most of the day, I hate appointments :-) I am just too impatient.  I topped the day off at digging out the Christmas decorations.  I hate that project, but with little Ray, I have to.  I was short tempered, my husband (who can't see had to put his 2cents in telling me it didn't look right) I about took the tree to the door and put it out.  It took all night but we got it up and my son is happy that is what counts.  At the top of the tree at the angels feet, I have JaBoa's picture on an ornament...  the most beautiful ornament I have, that I wish I didn't need... anyway I rant..

Carol, thanks for understanding me hugs

Betty sorry you feel alone, I sure understand that, I guess that is what draws me here to be with the Indigos...  I am not alone then.

Marcia, I try so hard to keep away from the holding my breath game, I don't know how to stop my son.  Cause I know.. wishes won't come true..  it makes you want to tell the child exactly that... well I guess I have tried to tell him that, then he tells me of some of the wishes that do come true.. bless his soul.

Bonnie, I have a hard time too keeping up with the posts, sometimes my brain doesn't work with them all, which is the nice thing, anything we say here is just right, and we seem to all understand the meltdowns and connecting.

Dee, time is strange, sometimes it goes by so fast, and othertimes so agonizingly slow.  I miss reading, I want to get to the library and get a couple books you have mentioned, but it seems I just never make it to get one...  I miss reading, but in truth I don't know if I would read anyway.  Glad you missed the kids and sounds like the kids missed you.  I know my boy sure missed school.  He didn't go back until today, kindergarten goes tues through friday until the new year.

Susannah, it is good not be alone, but I hate the growing number, but I have learned to love the Indigos

Amanda, Wow! what a beautiful baby! congratulations to you Happy Birthday Ashton!

Lorri, Kourtney's headstone is so beautiful without the flowers, and the flowers just say love so much.

Claudia, that was a touching thought about the glimpse of heaven I enjoyed that.  I have to admit I had to smile about the remark of the size of Ashton... 

Betsy, your poem touched my heart and made my tears flow with memories of my JaBoa, thank you.

Kathy, I am glad to hear Tavian is home with you, I hope that his being home brings you your much needed rest.

Terrie, so sorry to hear the loss of two more young lives.  You are such a thoughtful person to care so much about those around you. I am sure that Adam is so proud your his mom.  I don't understand when people call their children such terrible names, even if they don't mean anything by it.  I can't do it, children are  just to precious.  Your coments from FB reminds me of the most caloused coment I heard since the passing of my JaBoa.  Her step grandmother asked JaBo's step dad... Oh.. what are you going to do for a car now?... this was the night of the accident... I wanted to deck her, but out of respect for my girl.. I didn't.

Trudi, :-) I hate those days I don't remember what I am supposed to be doing!  especially when it comes to me way to late to do it.

Suzanne..  I understand the fear of the roads, I still fear it especially as the snow falls...  My daughter and her family travel the road of the accident to get here and home, and she forgets to call me when she leaves or when she gets home and I get so frustrated that i call her crying.  I think she is starting to get used to me.

Coleen, I can't imagine composing a letter without malice, I think it would take me eternity.. 

I hope I haven't missed anybody...  I again want to tell you I need this place to come to and thank you all for welcoming me here.  My thoughts and prayers are with you all, and to all the people we love and care for. 

Leah

 

[ericasmom]

Betty, sorry for the feelings of lonliness, look at the moon tonight knowing that we are all looking at the same moon, even our angels, only thier view is different. Holding you tight.

Betsy, lovely poem and thanks for the site.

Leah, yes, time is an absolute abstract to me. I know what you mean about the roads in the snow, and yet we have to give it up don't we, in order to live in the world. Sometimes I can, many times I cannot.

Sue, those roads in Michigan are slippery in the snow. I remember when Eri turned 19, her last on earth birthday, I drove to Kalamazoo to visit her. The roads were clear until I got to New Buffalo and then WHAM, slippery adn wet and slick, and in some places hard to see as the snow was beating down on the road. There are some curves adn that was tricky. All this in early April too. We can worry ourselves to death, we can worry so much that we drive folks away because they simply don't have room in thier day for so much worry, and yet what the hell do we do with it? It is a tough one, I am a worrier. Sometimes I resolve something I had been worried about and my husband will say, OH NO, NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR TIME? Ha ha very funny mister.

Happy first full day Ashton. welcome to the world.

dee

[briansdad]

Tonight is our BP USA candlelight. I will be reading the lines in red. I want all of my friends here to know that your children will be in my thoughts as I read.

[align=center]Lighting of Four Candles[/align]

 

 

As we light these four candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories and one for our love.

This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love.

 

 

This candle represents our courage - to confront our sorrow - to comfort each other - to change our lives.

 

 

This light is in your memory – the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, the caring and joy you gave us.

 

 

This light is the light of love. Day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us. We love you.

 

 

[shellbellsmom]

I want all of my friends here to know that your children will be in my thoughts as I read.    Lighting of Four Candles

Thanks Greg. I hope the candle lighting ceremony is beautiful as you shine the light on grief, courage, our cherished memories and most of all our love for our child.  Peace, Sue

[lolynbo]

SUCH SADNESS WITHTHE KIDS GETTING KILLED IN CAR WRECKS..IM SO SORRY FOR ALL THE FAMILIES..I WILL SAY EXTRA PRAYER FOR THEM.

HOTSAUCE LOVE THE NEW PIC...ALWAYS LOVE THE NEW AVATARS AND POSTED PICS..THATS Y I POST EM SO OFTER TO KEEP HER MEMORY FRESH FOR ME AND YAL...TRYING TO SHOW THEIR PERSONALITES IN EVERY PIC..

AND LOVE THE NEW ONE YOU POSTED TO SUE...SO FUNNY...

ITS COLD AND TRYING TO RAIN HERE...BUT THE CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING IS TONIGHT AND THE NIGHT TIME PARADE...AND KODY WANTS TO  GO SO I GUESS WE WILL....I CAN DO IT FOR HIM..

BROOKE - KODYS GF HAD A SWEET DREAM ABOUT KOURTNEY LAST NIGHT (SHE HAS NEVER MET KOURTNEY)..SHE SAID KOURTNEY CAME TO BROOKES HOUSE AND SAID LETS GO TO THE MALL AND SHOP THEN EAT...PUT YOUR SHOES ON...LETS GO...SO THEY WENT TO THE MALL AND ATE AT THE PEANUT SHACK AND LAUGHED AND HAD FUN AND KOURTNEY ASKED BROOKE ABOUT KODY WHERE HE WAS AND BROOKE SAID HE IS AT WORK (HOMELAND) BUT HE BROKE UP WITH ME, KOURTNEY SAID "LETS GO TO HOMELAND AND GET  YOUR BOYFRIEND'....AND SHE JUST SAID THAT KOURTNEY WAS SO MUCH FUN TO BE AROUND AND SHE NEVER WANTED THE DREAM TO END...

HOW SWEET IS THAT....I THINK KOURTNEY WOULD HAVE DONE JUST THAT TOO, "LETS GO SHOPPING"!

THIS IS THE LOCAL NASCAR CARFTSMAN TRK HER IN ARDMORE THEY LET US PUT KOURTNEYS KLOSET AND GALAIE (OUR BIZZ) ON IT...KEWL HUH...THEY ARE TAKING IT TO THE PARADE TONIGHT

[ericasmom]

Greg, I am crying as I read the words of those four candles. I love the words, I love the simplicity of the breakdown, grief, courage, memories, and love forever. HOw very beautiful. We are with you as you stand before the folks you share this night with. Our angels will stand all around you.

peace,

dee

[mikesmum]

Greg - Thanks for remembering our kids, hope the candle lighting brings a peace to the parents struggling at this time of year.

Dee - I remember returning to work in Oct 06 after having surgery to remove an ovary.  It had been a turbulent 10yrs up until then and I was riding on the high of being cancer free and what seemed to be a postive future for my family.   Mal and I were married 4 weeks later.  Things were good.  A friend said the same thing - 'how will you cope without the drama's?'  If only we knew.

Courts - Uugghhh.  Victim impact statements go a long way in influencing the outcome of the trial.  As Colleen said, it was hard not to write 'with malice', but you need to promote justice not revenge.  Writing from the heart on the 'impact' this person has had on the lives of the innocent and the ongoing difficulties facing them now and in their future......may you have you girl with you as you speak.

I know Christmas is hard, our are lives changed forever.  But I refuse to be locked into what I don't have this year.  I have some precious memories of babies who would sneak down the hall only to fall asleep on the floor before Santa arrived.  The wonderment on their faces as they woke to find the presents under the tree.   The innocence, the love the memories.......

Sue - Love the new avatar.  A Christmas Michelle? 

So I am posting my Christmas Past pics - I want to remember how much Mike loved Christmas and maybe just maybe I will be able to embrace Christmas Present. 

This is Christmas 1979.  Mike is 4.  We still have that book. 

Christmas of the 'big bike'. 

Hey Micheal Shane, miss the hunt for the 'perfect tree', the wide eyed boy as he wakes Christmas Morning and as you got older, the 'traditional' homemade Bailey's early Christmas morning.  I will find the tree, will sip Baileys as I decorate. Be with me son it will be a long long night, but hey it brings back so many memories I wouldn't be without. 

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

 

Greg!!  Thank you so much for sharing that message with us.  The candle lighting ceremony sounds so very special .   I love the part that you read and I am sure Brian will surround you and your  family in his love tonight as he does each night. 

Thank you for remembering all our angles there tonight with thoughts of love, courage, grief and of coarse special memories. 

 

Lorrie  Special memories/dreams .  It is kool when they arrive. Try to have fun at the tree lighting.  Ours is tonight also I am forcing myself to go.  It was a tradition for so many yers when Stephen was small!!!.

 

Leah I understand how you are feeling.  Coming here does calm me down and I can achieve tht which I thought impossible before my little visit.

 

Terrie, Dan, Colleen  so sorry to hear of other parents entering this new painful world. They are fortunate to have you close.

 

Sue, Dee, Trudi, Sherry, Kathy, MaryAnn, Carol, Claudia  I hope your days were softer and easier.

 

Have a Blessed Night

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

 

 

.

 

 

 

[hotsauce]

GREG, thank you for sharing, that was beautiful.  i am sure your BRIAN and my BRIAN, and all the other ANGELS, will be with you tonight. 

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[mikesmum]

For those who don't know, my 'signs' from Mike centre around music.  The day he died the song "How to save a life" played constantly on the radio & on a CD Steven couldn't get to work just that morning.  I tried to use Limewire to download a song for his memorial site with no luck.  The next morning the music was there.  Mike was my music guy. 

Today as I wrote here with the mind set of positive over negative I hit YouTube for background music.  I typed Fix Me......

This is what came up - Coldplay Fix you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrrdLO8fie0&feature=PlayList&p=E370CB7FBBF3E19D&index=1 

 

[hotrod]

Trudi  That was beautiful.  I could just imagine  Mike making that selection.

After reading your posting early today about the beauty of the  memories you have of Christmas past,  I was inspired to remember one of my favorite Dr Seuss sayings:

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

~Dr. Seuss~

 

It is very, very hard to do that but  I am going to try.

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

 

 

 

[shorty16]

Greg

So cool how each of us remembers children that we never even met.

Thank you for thinking of all our angels as we have thought of your Brian and said his name in Minn and VA.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

I agree Col, very cool. Everywhere we are we think of the angels that we have met through the outpouring here. When I am awake in the night, I talk to the Angles, all of our Angels.

Thanks Trudi, love that song, when it first came out and I heard it, I wept. still cry each time.

Today is the 8 month mark of Micheal leaving, (the father of my kids died of AML) He died on March 31, so today essentially is the marker. Jon was low today. My poor little Man, shoulders carrying too many sadnesses. Please God and Eri and Michael, help him share the weight adn learn to release what he can, making the journey more joyous as he carries the memories and not as much of the pain. It is those four candles that I would like to light with him one night. Thanks again Greg.

It is the unofficial mark of winter's start, December 1st. I for one enjoy the winter if it is snowy and the temps are consistent, not up and down. melt and freeze. I like a two month period of between 23-30 degrees and several big snowfalls. If it is going to be cold, it should be white and pretty and good for sledding and hiking, and skiing. Sorry to those who hate snow and cold, I put my order in.

love ya,

dee

[ericasmom]

Trudi's choice in music went along with a poem I wrote last year...sorry for the repeat to those who have seen it.

Betty, love the quote and I love your want to make yourself try the parade, to try to believe in the quote. That is the courage candle...

Fix You

If I could have fixed the breakage, I would have

I would have reached into the tissue and healed it like new,

Repaired the broken wires like I wanted the doctors to do,

But my hopes and prayers were met with your leaving instead.

If I could have repaired what took you,

You would be living right now,

In a town of your liking,

In a city perhaps,

near the sea,

Or maybe right here, where you grew up,

with me.

By,

Dee Conmy

[summergirl]

Greg - how to say thank you ?? A simple thank you but a heart full of love, the tears as I read the words you have said this evening for our beautiful Angels.  I came here tonight looking for something to ease my pain and I found it......thank you.

Terri - I am so sorry for the loss of 2 more young lives. We know what the parents are facing and it hurts our hearts all over again because we have been there and want so badly to bring some comfort to them. As you said, give them some time and then a note to let them know you are there and then a possible visit...I will pray for the families and for you too, that you have the strength to help in whatever way you can.                 Also, my heart goes out to the parents and family of the other young boy who has joined out Angels......too soon, too young.     About the FB lady, do not waste your time....ignorance and selfishness.....remember that she has to look at herself in the mirror and sleep each night...wonder how she does that????

Lorrie - if you could would you mind telling me how you did the flowers at Kourtney's site - they are so beautiful - thanks my friend.

Trudi - glad to hear that you are going to do Christmas - the memories can over ride our hurt, put us in a place of peace if we choose to let to let ourselves go there. I often think I would not do anything at all if not for Tavian....but not so sure....Jessica loved Christmas....decorated her room every year up until she and Tavian moved out. This year we will decorate the same room for her son.

To all of you going through diffacult times I think of you so often.....I cannot go on BI at work as it will not let me log-in.....I had to ask for my password as I forgot it and they sent me a temporary one but I do not know how to go in and reset for a password...if that makes sense.

Rough night tonight....as you all know Tavian's DD (Disneyland Dad) is in jail, I have known since March and have never said anything to Tavian nor have I discussed it with his grandmother.  Last night Tavian told me he went to "visit his dad"...needless to say I was stunned but played it right and asked him where his dad was...his response "he lives in an apartment in the cite, like 5 stories high and all of my cousins live on the other floors"......I let it go until tonight and after we read our book of poems I told him I needed to talk to him.....I said "Taivan did your grandmother ask you to keep a secrete from me?", he started to cry and I said "Tavian, is your dad in jail?" and he said "yes, but promise you won't tell grandma because she will be really mad at me".....he put his head on my shoulder and cried.....I was so angry inside but needed to be ok for him....I told him that I already knew where his dad was and the reason I did not tell him was because I did not want him to be sad and I told him I would not talk to grandma about it right now.    How could she do that to that little boy, how can she make him keep a secrete, how could she put a 7 year old in that position????? I am so very angry and I going to give myself some time to figure out how to deal with it.    Any advice would be truley appriciated.

Marcia - please let Amanda know that I am thinking of that baby Ashton...what a beautiful blessing.

I am very tired tonight but sleep will elude me due to the stress of watching Tavian cry but so very thankful that Barry and I are here for him and our Jessica guides us.

Love to all, I think of all our Angels....say their names....and thank you each and every day for being blessed to have you all in my life. Kathy

 

[lolynbo]

IM SORRY I MENT TO TELL U EARLIER...KATHY..THEY ARE FAKE I GET THEM FROM HOBBY LOBBY I GET THEM WHEN THEY ARE 50% OFF...I GET THEM AND SHAKE THEM AND IF ANYTHING FALLS OFF I DONT BUY THEM...BUT I DO GOOD WITH THIS BRAND, THEY ARE NOT EXP..7.99 OR SO (AND THEN 50% OFF)...THEN I FOUND THE GREENERY ALSO AT HOB LOB....WENT TO THE CRAFT DEPT AND FOUND POTTERY  PLASTER (IN A 3 GAL TUB).2.99$ .AND MY MOM FOUND A SPEG SAUCE CAN (TALL) AND IT FIT PERFECT IN THE HOLES ON THE SIDE OF HER HEADSTONE...MONTY MIXED IT UP AND WE PUT

2 BUNCHES OF FLOWERS ON EACH SIDE OF THE GREENERY AND USED ZIP TIGHTS TO KEEP IN THE WAY I WANTED IT...AND THEN STUCK IT IN THE MIXED UP PLASTER...OF COURSE WE HAD TO HOLD IT FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES BUT ONCE IT SETS UP IT IS HARD.....THAT WAY THEY DONT BLOW OUT...AND WHEN I GET TIRED OF THEM I WILL DO ANOTHER COLOR AND PUT THOSE UP TIL NEXT TIME....

HOPE I HELPED KATHY...

[mikesmum]

Dee - beautiful words, wouldn't we all?  That song by the Fray haunted Steven throughout the first year.  He and Micheal had finally overcome so much reconnecting in 2005.  When Mike died both he and Melissa had  a hard time thinking there was more they could have done.  Sounds so familar. 

I think of Jon, a 'grownup' relationship with his dad cut short by AML, the potential of growing old with his sis too.   Its such a load on young shoulders. (on old too)  Prayers for him this first day of your winter, our second day of Summer.

Colleen -So cool how each of us remembers children that we never even met.

I had never met anyone from this site even though I had been posting for over 2yrs.  When I finally got to meet Colleen, Dee, Marcia, Bonnie and Carol it was like I found long lost friends.  We spoke of each others kids as if they had always been part of us.  A Rubicon passes, its Jay, a yellow bug Bethany, a red bug Mike etc etc....never far from our thoughts...

I love that we are INDIGO'S

[4everjoeysmom]

Oh Kathy, I became infuriated by reading your post about DD's mother. You have put up with many things she has done this past year that have truly been above questionable in terms of Tavian's well-being. I know what I would do. I think it's time to ask yourself what would Jess do? Pray and follow your heart... Bless you for your strength and grace, Kathy!!

Love, Claudia

[summergirl]

Lorrie - thank you so much....never heard of a Hob Lob ???  Is it like a Micheal's craft store, they sell alot of fake flowers that look so real. I really appriciate it my friend.

[mikesmum]

Kathy - "I'M GOB SMACKED"!!!!!   I appreciate the paternal grandma is grieving for a son now incarcerated but she really has overstepped with asking Tavian to deceive you.

Strength to you and Barry as you face yet another hurdle with Grandma "not got a clue'.

Trudi

[briansdad]

Kathy..... Hobby Lobby 

[ericasmom]

Kath, I am much less tolerant of Grandma than you are, you are much more diplomatic, but I do feel that diplomacy is not needed here, instead, I feel that her rights need to be pulled quite short. Secrets such as that is plain and simple a LIE, she asked her grandboy to keep a lie, and to do that would and was eating him up. Not only was he to keep a lie, he was given news that was going to eat him up with nobody at his everyday home knowing that he had that info. My Goodness! The non-thinking is amazing to me. This is the same woman that removed him from his last two weeks of school! She does not put his best interest first and for that, there should be a change in the visitation. HOw dare she ask a 7 year old to know that his Daddy is in jail but that he can't tell anyone. I would advise that the counselor at school be told so that she/he could head this off at the pass, and I would ask that he talk about it with you, maybe not directly, but while drawing, ' hey Tav, what did your Dad's room at the jail look like, can you draw it?" Things like that, a way for him to express himself while not feeling under the microscope.

Blessings to you Kath/

[ericasmom]

Yep Trudi, music is a true key to Eri too, and clocks/electronic things. Long story, more tomorrow.

goodnight all

[mikesmomrs]

Hello Indigos: 

AMANDA:  WOW!  WOW!  AND WOW AGAIN!!!  Welcome to the world, Mr. Ashton, and Mr. Ashton, here you are...it's yours, to play in, grow in, live in, laugh in, and love in...and to be loved in...Amanda, Jeremiah, and Cameron,  congratulations...who is taking the first 2 am feeding?  lol!  bless you all!

Lorri:  Kourtney's flowers are so very beautiful...such bright color...after reading how you put them together, I am impressed as well!  Thanks for sharing the "recipe."  So sweet of Brooke to share her dream with you..Kourt’s approving of Kody’s choice? 

Trudi:  Thank you so much for sharing the song…I also am glad that you are moving ahead with Christmas…those grandbabies will have these wonderful memories to treasure of their grandmother sprinkling Christmas memories in their hearts.  It is terribly difficult to do, but the love is there and needs to be remembered, treasured, and most of all, shared. 

 Dee:  yes, you did share that poem last year, but am so happy that you shared it again…it is really beautiful, and says what we all truly feel about our children.   I am so sorry that Jon is having such a difficult time…I pray that Eri and Michael will surround him with some peaceful thoughts that may lift the heavy weight of the pain buried so deep in his heart. 

Greg:  thank you for sharing the words from the candle ceremony…I believe I will print them out and used them next week at the CF ceremony…we will be having our own here at home, as the public one is just too far to drive that late at night.  (not late going, but late coming back.)

Kathy:  Grandma needs to be brought down a peg or two, or five or ten!  If she wanted to take Tavian to see his dad, she should have consulted with you on it BEFOREHAND…this wasn’t just a trip to the store for shopping, and she darned well knew it or wouldn’t have told him to keep it a secret!  The “secret” stuff is just painfully incompetent…forcing a child of 7 (or any age, for that matter) to carry such a burden…I can imagine how difficult it is for you, as I know you don’t want to hurt Tavian further, but in your heart you likely wish he would never go there again.  I pray that you will be able to seek out your answers to this heartbreaking problem.  I pray Tavian awakes with memories of your understanding and hugs, instead of the burden so unfairly placed in his little heart.

Terrie, Colleen and Dan…my heart and prayers go out to the families of those in your areas who are going through the toll gate to start this journey…such senseless things that happen and cause so much heartbreak. 

Marcia:  thank you so much for being the “go between” and “public crier” for Amanda and Ashton…I hope you are doing better this week. 

Sue:  I hope that the therapy session went well for you and you were able to lift some of the grief that you carry so deeply in your heart...thinking of you.

Leah:  thank you for the hugs, and they are always welcomed. 

I tried to do some Christmas shopping today…not a lot of crowds out today and it was fairly uneventful, until I walked through the aisles at the Hallmark Store….biiiigggg mistake!!!  They had a display of many different articles with the poem of “I’m Spending Christmas with Jesus This Year.”  One was a huge card, with sprinkles of holly and ribbons on the front, and the poem inside…of course, I didn’t know this until I opened the card.  I can’t say that I stood there and melted and cried…the tears just didn’t come…I stood there frozen and forced my feet to take steps, one at a time.  I don’t know if my psyche knew better than to let me “melt,” or my brain took over and said “get yourself out of here.”  Normally, if that happens in public, I just let the tears slide down my face and don’t worry about it, but I felt that this was a major meltdown happening, so I was able to retreat to my car.  Shopping trip cut short.

The reason I was out shopping today is that I was trying to get some shopping in as I am scheduled to have some minor surgery tomorrow.  The last time I had to have this type of surgery, I wound up having to stay in the hospital for a couple of days and then was laid up for FIVE WEEKS afterwards due to complications.  I so hope that that doesn’t happen this time…Christmas surely won’t happen in this house if it does.  I will just have to maintain positive thoughts.  The surgery is not anything major, but I will have to be put under, and to me, that is major.  Of course, now I know that if I don't wake up, I have Mike to greet me, and that makes it easier to think about. (I know that you all understand my saying that.)  But, please wish me luck that I do come home tomorrow and things go smoothly in the aftercare, so I can prepare Christmas for the grandkids and my daughter and hubby…and while you’re at it, please wish me luck in doing that, also! 

Betsy, Mary ann, Claudia, Susannah, Bonnie, Betty, Colleen, Sherry…and anyone I may have missed…though I don’t write your name here, you are all remembered every day…I hope everyone has a pleasant Wednesday…

Love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

The surgery is not anything major, but I will have to be put under, and to me, that is major.  Of course, now I know that if I don't wake up, I have Mike to greet me, and that makes it easier to think about. (I know that you all understand my saying that.) 

Carol - Funny when I said that to my GP and my psych they both said I should cancel any surgeries till I was more 'positive' in my mind.   They just don't get it do they?

Good luck - Hoping for a brief stint in hospital with a rapid recovery.....

[nicksdad]

Kathy....Some people just make you sit and wonder what in the world are they thinking. I would give advice but I think it would be very ugly and this is not the place to put something like that.

So I guess instead I would just concern myself with Tavian and make sure he is ok with it, and just try talking to him and go that route and not even care about the grandmother. Let her think she has her "little" secret

 

[rlolheiser]

Greg, thanks for the four candles, it really touches my heart.  It is really moving to associate candles with our angels.  My tears flow with each line.. thank you.

Trudi I really enjoy your pictures.  It sends me back into remembrance mode of my own. Thank you.  I am glad your music brings you peace, A lot of times I think our angels speak to us like Mike, through music.

Betty. it is interesting that Dr. Suess said that, with all my reading I had never come across that, thanks.

Dee, I don't mind the snow if we have some nice weather to make so we can enjoy it and it doesn't get to hard. :-)  I also feel better knowing that our angels are together, I can imagine JaBoa in the company of some pretty cool angels. She always wanted older brothers or sisters and in so many ways that is what she has.  I loved your poem, it comes from the heart.

Kathy, my two cents is you need to talk to the grandma, firstly by telling her that you figured out she took him to the jail without discussing it with  you and topped it off by putting the pressure of a secret on a 7 year old.  It is just wrong.  I think it is better to be open about it.  I guess she has the right to feel what she wants but your Tavian's caregiver and you have the right to take care of him and keeping secrets is traumatic for a child.  they try so hard and feel so guilty if they break it.  (Just my opinion, I think it is good for you to confront her soon, for your feelings).

Carol, my thoughts and prayers are with you, I hope everything goes well and your able to enjoy your family at Christmas. 

To everybody here I wish a healthy, peaceful day.  Always present by their angels.

Leah

[Guest]

Good morning, Indigo's!

Kathy - I am so sorry Tavian was put in that position by his other grandmother.  I would be seething mad and want to set matters straight immediately.  However, I'm known for taking a bulldozer to the party when just a shovel was needed.  

I got a slap in the face yesterday.  It wasn't intended as such and I'm grateful it happened.  Jonathon, my 5yr old grandson, has had a rough time in school lately.  I expressed my concern to the teacher and her reply was "He's dealing with the same things you're dealing with right now." 

I knew that.  But, for some reason yesterday, my eyes were open to the 5yr old and how little he is and how not only is he dealing with his mother's death and the abuse inflicted on him by Tina; in a real sense, his grandma (me) has retreated into herself. 

It was so clear.  Before Stephanie died, I had more energy and joy.  Now I pretty much do what has to be done.  I give hugs and kisses, but I not like before.  I've quit joining the family for dinner (I rarely eat).  I take care of their needs and that's about it.  I'm quiet most of the time, leaving the television to babysit. 

Before, the television was rarely on.  There was music playing.  I read and played.  We danced together and sang together.  We went for walks.

So.....yesterday it was quite clear that my grandchildren not only lost their mother, but they've been left with a shell of a grandmother.

I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to try to put my grief aside, for their sakes.  We didn't set the balloons off Friday.  I wasn't up to it.

I'm so selfish!

"Don't cry that it's over.  Smile that it happened." 

I love it.  I'll try.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom 

[mysonrich]

Good morning Indigos, yesterday I had a very bad headache, the kind behind the eye and I felt my shoulders and neck become very stiff. This old lady needs spectacles and some relaxation technics. So I took 2 aspirin and half a xanax and rested last night.

The last time I saw Rich was Christmas last year. We talked on the phone and emailed . After his death and extensive reading, there are things that really hurt, if we only knew these things and if we did could we put the pieces together? Like Rich had athletics foot for a while. He also had poor eyesight. Did you know that these 2 things are indicators of heart problems? Like, excuse me, wtf, I didn't, And the g/f said that his stomach was bothering him the week before his death. Who would have thought that it may be a heart problems? He was 6 months into being 20 years old for crying out loud. SO, the poem makes me cry and I just felt like crapola. 

 

Greg, the poem is beautiful and thank you for thinking of our children. I'm sure it is a very emotional event I and I hope you and the Mrs were able to get gather strength in your group.

 

Dee, I read your poem before. I'm not sure if it was on BI though so I was wondering if it's floating around the web ? Remember Star Trek? A wave of the Dr's wand and all was fixed,mended. When I read your poem I envisioned your thoughts of those days that Eri waited for her friends. ((hugs)))

 

Sue and MaryAnn, two nice photos. A different view of your children . I see the baseball logo MaryAnn, on his hat. And what was this event Sue?

 

Kathy, it angers me to think that grandma would ask Tavian to keep such a secret or any secret at all. She is abusive and she needs to understand that. Poor little guy. A shock and asked to be quiet about it. I think you should let Dan handle it !!!

 

Trudi, our boys share quite a lot. And I think of Mike and Rich and wonder if had they met on earth, would they have been friends. Rich went to a lot of concerts. He liked the mashpit stuff. I never understood that but hey, it was his thing. While in the pit at one event another guy had his shirt torn off. Don;t ask me, like I said, I don;t get it. After the concert Rich approached this guy and took his own shirt off and gave it to him. Yes, my boy would give you the shirt off his back.Like the Christmas pic;s also.

 

Leah, I haven't had a chance to respond to you but I do read. Sometimes I am quiet if I can't think of an answer so, I am sorry for not saying something to you sooner but the rest here covered some of the answers for me. Hope you are doing ok today.

 

Lorri, never heard of Hobby Lobby. We have Michael's here, Sounds like the same kind of store. Good ideas you two had for keeping the flowers in place.

 

Terri, the week that Rich died two other boys also died. I heard this shortly after his death. I know that Rich knew one boy though I don;t know his name, he was hit by a car after his own broke down. The 2nd boy was also from our hometown and as much as I have scoured newspapers I can't find mention of them. I;d like to reach out to their families as well. I guess I'll have to go back to the person that told me this sad news.

 

Susannah, sounds like another tough road to travel . Take care of yourself .

 

 

 

ok, going to rest my eyes and Carol, thinking of you and a wish/hope for a speedy recovery.

 

 

Betsy,mysonRich

 

[hotsauce]

good morning to everyone here.

GREG, i hope everything went great last night, thank you again.

BESTY, thank you for the notice.

TRUDI, good luck with the surgery, i hope all goes well.

LORRI, haven't heard of a h.l. in a long time, to many places close here.

 

to everyone have a good day.

 

mary ann/ BRIAN'S momdukes

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

 

I am going out of town for a few days  No access to computers so I wanted to wish everyone here a Blessed Day.

Betsy  I am so sorry that you are in this painful place.  I can really identify with the should have known/ why didnt I do club.  Praying for your peace.

Carol I will lite a candle and send a prayer that your surgery goes well

To everyone else:

Leah, MaryAnn, Sue, Suzannah, Greg, Dan, Terrie, Claduia, Sherry, Lori, Trudi and all you other wonderful Indigos, be gentle with yourselves.

Be Back in a few day

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Greg, THANK YOU!! The candle lighting and reading...simply yet completely beautiful... It took my breath away as I read it.

Kathy, I posted last night (late) to think what Jess would do. I believe you do that all the time anyway, and hope that wasn't taken wrong. My heart is troubled for you in this mater with the DD's mother. Praying for you and Tavian...

Carol, My prayers with you as well for an easy surgery procedure with the docs hands guided by God, and a speedy recovery so that you may have the energy and good health to celebrate Christmas as you envision in your heart. Much love to you dear friend.

Betsy, I hope the headache stays away. All the "what-if's" that come along to knock us down in our grief... sigh... and all we can do is pick ourselves up and continue along the journey. And you are truly continuing in a way that Rich would be proud--to be thinking of others in their pain and loss and desiring to reach out to them, despite your own. HUGS to you!!

Betty, Thanks for your private message a few days ago. Have a safe journey!! Love & Hugs for the way...

Susannah, That truly is quite a wake-up call, isn't it? I know it will be difficult to muster the strength, smiles, kisses and such for your grandbaby, but YOU CAN DO IT AND WILL because deep inside you know this would honor Stephanie best. There is no greater honor in life than motherhood. Her honor has been left to you, to continue on her legacy. Cherish it, and come here for all the support and encouragement that we can offer. xoxoxo

Dan, I LOVE your candor. I so wish more men could share as openly as you and Greg do here.

Lorri, I used to go to Hobby Lobby back home. Their prices are terrific. It has since closed and moved, and I didn't have a chance to get there when I was back home this last time. I did go to another place called BIG LOTS, where I found drape panels for my bedroom (the ones with the grommets already in the fabric, so no hooks needed) for $15 each. Can't beat that with a stick! The flowers on Kourt's resting place are beautiful. You done good!!

Well, we've been having daily rations of power M-F for the past 3 weeks now. A 3-hour chunk of each day is at a loss for anything electronic. I guess the way things are put together here, including electrical wiring, are about as shoddy as I have ever seen anywhere. The vibrations from the daily surges had jiggled a wire loose at our breaker box yesterday when the power came back on...wire touched metal...wire grounded out and tripped the breaker, but not before a 12" section of wire in our attic fried and caused the whole upstairs of our house to fill with smoke and the stench of an electrical fire. Thank GOD we didn't have a fire or worse damage. Hubby fixed it, but my nerves were so shot, we went out for dinner instead of me cooking. Smoke detectors are not required, nor are they common here. Guess what's on my shopping list now?!! AND a couple of extinguishers as well.

Mary Ann, Think of you and pray for you often. Love your heart!!!

Hope you and Ashton are doing well, Amanda!!

Love and blessings for encouragement, comfort and peace to my Indigo Family... xoxoxo ~Claudia

[shorty16]

Kathy,

I am with Susannah, I would take a bull dozer to that women so she knew if she ever put that little 7 year old in this position again, I would terminate visits.  The law is on your side - using the legal process is slow, but it does send a strong message.

Obviously, she does not NOT have Tavian's best interests in mind.  She has her own agenda, she has proven that several times.

You are an amazing women dealing so gently with the other Grandma.  My hat is off to you.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[lolynbo]

AS I SAID WE WENT TO THE CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING LAST NIGHT...FRICKIN GOT IN THE PAPER...DANG PAPARAZZI....I LOOK LIKE A HUGE GOOBER...THERE IS KODY, BROOKE, MY NEICE DELILAH AND HER KIDS HARLEIGH AND BRAYDON..

GOOD GOD..

OH AND THE CAPTION UNDER THE PIC IS  "YOUNG AND OLD TURNED OUT FOR CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING.." AH WONDER WHICH ONE I AM????

[heartbeataway]

Trudi,

Wishing you well my sweet down under friend .....

Lorri,

You are only as old as you feel (or something like that!)  and you're beautiful so you deserve a picture in the paper!

Kathy,

THAT WOULD BE THE LAST UNSUPERVISED VISIT WITH DD'S FAMILY!!  Not only did she take him to visit his Dad in jail but she's asking him to lie!!  Wonder how DD became the person he is today??

Geez oh flip!  What do folks think or maybe that's just it, they don't think!

Dee,

Love your poem!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[4everjoeysmom]

Lorri, LOL!! "A huge goober".. NO YOU ARE NOT!!! It's freezing out and you have on layers. We all look bigger when we're wearing tons of clothes, big sweaters and jackets. Go easy on yourself girl!

[shellbellsmom]

Good afternon Indigos. 

Betty safe travels.

Trudi love the ”Fix It” video…the words also mean a lot to me.  My daughter like your son loved music, and she sends me signs with music/songs too.  There are too many to mention but when I hear them it’s usually around a time when I am at my lowest and need a pick me up…she always knows the perfect tune.  The song “How to save a life”  was on one of the season finales episode of “Greys’s Anatomy.  My daughter got me hooked on that show and every time I hear the song it brings me to tears- just knowing she less than a year  later lay dying in a hospital bed just as one of her favorite characters did.  I remember how sad she was during that show. We both cried, and now I still cry when I hear it. 

Betsy that is so difficult to think back on signs we may have missed.  My daughter had many right in my face signs and I still missed them.  Body pains, cough, and many reoccurring colds, and constantly being tired.  I just brushed them off at being a college kid who probably didn’t get enough rest.  Heck, they were only in their early 20’s.  The guilt weighs heavy here too.

Dee love the “Fix it” poem…so true the words.  So sad for your Jon, just wish the siblings didn’t have to deal with these loses and could live a more joyous life like others their age.  As for snow…since I live in the “lake effect” area,  not really loving the snow all that much.  Now I can tolerate it if the sun shines and temps stay above 20 degrees so the salt will melt the ice off the roads.  A few years the temps stayed below 15 and the roads remained slippery for months (too cold to melt ice)- very dangerous for drivers.  I guess if it would snow, then melt fast I would feel differently about it.  It’s beautiful though- you got me there.

Kathy my advice is ditto with everyone else’s….she stepped way out of bounds on this one.  Dee’s suggestions with drawing of the pictures seems like a good start.

Carol, wishing you well with your procedure today. 

Susannah, doesn’t sound like you are self-fish at all.  This is all part of the grief for a parent.  Just let the grandkids know you love them and the rest will all fall into place soon and when the time is right to send the balloons soaring you will know it. 

I too agree that it’s nice for Greg and Dan to share on this site to hear the male perspective for a change.  Wish my husband felt the same about it.  Guess he thinks it’s a sign a weakness to breakdown or share his true feelings.  Sure wish he didn’t because his way of dealing with it is sticking his head in work, or his computer and not dealing with it. 

I go to Hobby Lobby a lot too.  It is a bit like Michaels but in our area it’s much bigger and better prices.  That’s where I get all my cemetery flowers, and flags and butterfly garden ornaments.  The only problem I have with HL is that they started putting out Christmas items in October.  Way too early for me. 

Claudia smart move to pick up a smoke detector and extinguishers for your home.  Glad it didn’t actually start a fire.  I guess we take it for granted what we have with utilities here in the states.  I know some states conserve water occasionally but haven’t heard of any with electricity rations here. 

Lorrie, are you the one in the pink shirt and blue jacket?  It nice to see some can actually do the holiday stuff.  I am trying some but still don’t got the holiday spirit yet. 

Just got back from therapy…. Thought it was yesterday and was all ready to go….thanks God my computer has a better memory than me.  Caught it before I actually left.  It was a deep session today- doing EMDR therapy and had to relive some of my worst memories of her illness.  Am exhausted now but have my support group later tonight which might help me talking with some parents who get me. 

As for the new picture avatar of Michelle- this was taken when she was dancing in a Christmas production one year.  She danced each night for 2 weeks, when she was in the 4th grade. One of her songs were "Toyland"- and lately whenever I am in a store I hear it....than I ran into this  picture of her.  Coincidence....I think I was suppose to find it. 

Take Care Everyone, Sue

[ericasmom]

Don't know why , but I don't get new avitars for several days. So Sue, I will look forward to it.

Carol, good luck for your procedure...you will be strong and fine this time. I love you.

Lorri, back away from beating yourself up, you are not a goober. You are beautiful

Love to all,

dee

[lolynbo]

LOL YA IM THE LARGE BLONDE WITH THE DEER IN THE HEADLIGHT LOOK...OH WELL ....LEAST I WAS THERE FOR MY SON..HE SURE WANTED TO GO HES THE HUGE ONE CLOSET TO THE CAMERA

[mikesmomrs]

Dee:  Here's the pic of Michelle...it is just too cute and beautiful for you to have to wait....I just hope it comes through.

I have an interesting story about my hospital visit today...I am well; in fact I am fine.  I will post the story later.   Thank you all so very much for your prayers and thoughts and support...you are the best, that is for sure!  I love you all.  

love and peace,  Carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

Trudi, our boys share quite a lot. And I think of Mike and Rich and wonder if had they met on earth, would they have been friends. Rich went to a lot of concerts. He liked the mashpit stuff. I never understood that but hey, it was his thing. While in the pit at one event another guy had his shirt torn off. Don;t ask me, like I said, I don;t get it. After the concert Rich approached this guy and took his own shirt off and gave it to him. Yes, my boy would give you the shirt off his back.Like the Christmas pic;s also.

Betsy - On my 40th Mike took me to see the band LIVE.  I had heard the music (I alone love you, Lightening Crashes, Heaven)  and liked the sound.  They had a mosh pit, but I declined.  Crowd surfing not something I was into. It was brilliant. The hi point for Mike - his mum being searched by security.  I was wearing a long black winter coat.  Apparently people smuggle stuff into concerts!  Go figure.

I think our kids like us are an ecclectic group.  We come together and our connect transends all.  I believe Mike would have befriend all the kids here, from our very young to the older.  Music would be the common thread. Mike is a gentle soul, borne with a gift of genuine connection, empathy & compassion.

Carol - Back so soon....can't wait to hear your tale.

LOL YA IM THE LARGE BLONDE WITH THE DEER IN THE HEADLIGHT LOOK.

Lorri - damn paparazzi, a girl can't go anywhere without being hounded for that 'special shot'.  Love it.

There are a million things that related in some obscure way to  heart conditions, cancers, health conditions of all kinds. Not all are totally relevant or even connected.  Its another part of the why, how, what could I have done nightmare that grabs us all.  

I know there is not one person here who having known the signs would have moved heaven and earth if it meant saving their child's life....the depth of the pain in losing our children is a true reflection of the love we have with them....

Off to beginning some Christmas shopping.  Wish me luck.  The focus is grandies so should be okay.....ho ho ho its off to the mall I go....think of me singing in an Aussie accent!!!!

Trudi

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Since we are talking about mosh pits and crowd surfing, I thought I'd share my story..

1990-ish Illinois State Fair, at a Hootie and the Blowfish concert, I was in the mosh pit. It was like 110 degrees on the ground and I hadn't had enough fluids that day, which equaled heat stroke. The girlfriend I was with saw me getting woozy and kind of led me over to the wood fence area, where I immediately turned to face her and started to go down. She jammed her knee between my legs and against the fence to keep me from going all the way down as she caught me from falling forward. A couple of guys came over to help, lifted me up and surfed me over the crowd and at least 30 people to get me to the ambulance area down the way and on the other side of the fence. After about 30 minutes of icing down treatments in the back of the ambulance, I got to sit there ambulance and stage-side, watching the concert up-close, and with the most awesome cool breeze. I was pretty sick to my stomach, but wow! What a show experience. LOL!!

Needless to say, I never did a mosh pit again after that!!

[cameronsmom1]

Hello everyone!!! I am home with my beautiful baby and we are doing great. I must say that epidurals are the best inventions ever!!! I didn't feel no pain and it was so much easier then before. It was a very bittersweet moment that I will never forget. He looks so much like Brayden and is such a good baby.  He hardly ever cries, hope it lasts. Thank to everyone for the comments and thank you marcia for keeping everyone updated.

Here is our first pic together!!

[cameronsmom1]

Beautiful boy

[Guest]

OMG!  Ashton is the cutest ever!  I want to hold him and kiss his head!  I can smell that new baby smell.  You are so blessed.  Thank you for sharing your joy!

Sending blessings and blessings and blessings!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[daveydow1]

Amanda---YAY!!!!WELCOME TO SWEET BABY BOY,

 ASHTON , AND CONGRATS

TO THE WHOLE FAMILY. HE'S BEAUTIFUL.

Betty---Hi !   I've been soooooo busy preparing for our move, coming up

within the next several weeks. MOVING....ARGGggggghhhhhh :?. Hope

you are doing ok.

Dee----Lovely poem....Fixing......... OH, "if only", huh?

Betsy----Such a heartfelt poem......Sure does speak to the heart.

 PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL OF THE INDOGO FAMILY.

        Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[heartbeataway]

Amanda,

He's beautiful!  Congrats!

Carol,

I'm glad today went well for you .......

Cute picture of Michelle!

[4everjoeysmom]

WHAT A CUTE BABY BOY!!!!