Loss of an Adult Child

[summergirl]

Just cannot post tonight....sitting here with tears sliding down my face....Barry is watching a Christmas movie and it I am just not up to it.....I am sorry but needed to say hello even though my heart is hurting right now....I love you all.

JESSICA, JESSICA JESSICA.........I SAY YOUR NAME..........WANT YOU IN MY ARMS.

[rlolheiser]

I made it back, thanks for the prayers.  It was harder than i thought it would be.  I have never sat in a church and felt as much weight as i did today.  all the while this pastor telling us to be thankful for everything including the loss of our loved ones... sorry..  this is pure bs... sorry I can't be nice....  for the life of me, I cant tell God thank you for taking my girl...  I swear most of the service was standing, and I stood there with tears streaming down my face and my oldest daughter held my hand, and said I know it is hard.  I am glad I let my boy stay home with the older kids...  I don't know.. I just don't want to do this again,  I put some holiday flowers on my dad's grave and JaBoa's...  somebody is remembering her as I found some dead flowers,  a couple bouquets.  I also put a floral arrangement on the accident site... it is has been a long day....  only to be topped by my son playing his wishing game.. where you hold your breath when you go over the bridge and make a wish... mom.. what did you wish for?... I told him I wished for kisses from you... he said I can make that come true..................  Then I said to him.. what did you wish for?  He said to make JaBoa alive again....  and I lost it, I had to stop the car and tell him that some wishes you can't make come true....  God I am so tired...

I am sorry to hear about the mother-in-law club.. but I have been in that one for years... even now my youngest, JaBoa's mom isn't talking to me thanks to her significant.... anyway..

Carol, sorry about the mess up... when I mess up I do it good... each out you deserves me to use the correct name for you and your angels.... I apologize and mean no disrespect for anything I might say... I just plead old age...

Tonight I feel old...  tired.. and hope to find sleep...

Blessing to all our angels...  prayers and thoughts to all the Indigos....  peace and sleep to all in need

Leah

[mikesmomrs]

Kathy:  I am so sorry that you are having a hard time tonight...coming here and checking in was good, Kathy, even though you couldn't post...this gives us the opportunity to keep you in our thoughts (even more than usual) and in our prayers.  I hope that tomorrow finds your heart a little lighter, and I hope you allowed yourself to cry those tears...it sounds like they really wanted to come out.

Jessica, please send your mom comfort and a feeling of peace...

Leah:  I am very glad you made it back okay, and so sorry for all you had to endure standing there in the church.  I am glad your other daughter was there to hold your hand.  About the name mixup, please, Leah, don't give it another thought...we all mix them up on occasion...remember, our brains don't work the same anymore...none of us think anything of it.  It has taken all of us time and repitition to learn each other's names and kids names, etc., and as I said, we still mess up...no worries, please. 

Dee:  I hope you have an okay time getting the kids report cards ready...boy, people just never realize all the extra time a teacher puts into working with their kids...we are so lucky that people still want to be teachers. 

I hope everyone starts out their day tomorrow with the sun and a sweet memory easing the ache that lives in our hearts...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[hotrod]

Good Evening Indigos

 

Carol Thank you for your gentle message of love and concern  I love to see Mikes face when I sign on

 

Dee Your dream was so sad I as so sorry we are all in this boat. Eri picture captures my soul each time I look at it

 

Kathy  I too feel very much  as you today,  It is good just to come here and touch base.Love to see Jessica each day

 

Sherry Your kind always touches my heart and seeing  Davey  enriches me

 

Leah   It would be so nice to make wishes come true.  I am glad you were able to get thru the ceremony with the help of your daughter.  Glad you visited your Dad's and JaBoa's site.

 

Dan, Greg, Lori, May Ann, Trudi,  Sonya, Beth, Sue and all the other wonderful Indigos,  thank you for being here sharing your beautiful angel's pictures and lives. 

 

I am feeling very alone tonight and it really helps just to look at all the pictures and remember the lives you shared.

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:?

[mpsmom]

Leah, I am sorry we cannot make wishes come true, but your story reminds me of the 'wishing game' Bethany & I have played for as long as I can remember, we play the 'wishing game' that you hol dyour breath while going thru a tunnel, make your wish and if you hold your breath until you come thru the tunnel-- your wish will come true.  We have a long tunnel here that drops off at the airport, I quit holding my breath when she died...my first time appraoching a tunnel it felt 'natural' to take in a big breath to hold my breath, but I can't anymore,,,,my wish will not come true...not ever again.

Hugs to everyone, I am just not up to trying to catch up, you are all in my heart and in my thoughts, I will post as I am up to it.  

Marcia  Bethanys Mom Forever

[heartbeataway]

Betty,

So sorry you're feeling alone tonight.

Dee,

Wow!  Interesting dream ......

Kathy,

Hope some rest will make tomorrow softer on your spirit.

Colleen,

Could it just be sibling rivalry? 

Greg,

Alyssa is just beautiful and growing up more in each new picture.  The cross .... ah, the cross.  Sweet tribute ......

Dan,

I too love the new avatar.

Amanda,

Wishing you all the best as you welcome your new son into this world.  What a blessing!

I still have trouble keeping up with all the posts ...... I like that we are "Indigo's". 

I had a meltdown this morning at breakfast.  I couldn't even talk for crying. Rich is such a warm, understanding man.   The holidays are just so hard ......

Love!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[lolynbo]

I CAN REMEMBER BEING AT THE HOSP..AND WE GOT THERE NOV 15 2007...AND ON NOV  29 2007 I REMEMBER THINKING AND SAYING OUT LOUD:

"HOW AM I GOING TO TELL MY BABY GIRL, SHE HAS BEEN ASLEEP FOR 14 DAYS?"

IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN...WE/SHE WOULD BE THERE FOR MONTHS ON END...AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE COMPLETELY AWAKE OR SPEAK AGAIN:(....TO DAY IS THE 14TH DAY....JUST 2 YRS LATER...

 

[ericasmom]

This day only 2 years later. I sure remember matching up days with events that took our breath away, I do that less now, but I still do it some. I think that when we match up a date, no matter how many months or years later, it is a way to make real the event and to count the abstraction of time. I am sure that most of us feel that it was yesterday/a lifetime ago that we lost our Child. Time...odd.

For all that are feeling blue and lonely tonight, sleep and let your weary souls rest. If sleep will not come, read something that will allow your brain to slip into something else, another mode...it will helpfor the most part. I gave my son a book of mine the other night, David Sedaris' short stories from a book called NAKED. Jon, like so many of us in grief, has ahard time getting into a book so he avoids it. I do think that if he can read a short story, very funny ones at that, he may find his body and mind relax a bit more and he may even be able to fall asleep at a good hour. Worth a couple of tries. Many tricks we play to induce sleep or relaxation, take time, take repetition as we retrain our damaged cells. Give it time.

Going to bed, time to go back to work with kids tomorrow. YIKES! I missed them.

Carol, thanks, I do love my work, the report cards...not so much, but the daily work, absolutely.

Leah, glad you made it to and from-

Bett, sorry for the hard night, glad Eri and the other Angels can lift you some-

I think in addition to the holiday funk, the moon has been in something odd, so hang on, tomorrow will feel better.

Love to you,

dee

[mikesmum]

I like that we are "Indigo's". 

Amanda - New life, a time of celebration, a time of promise...thoughts with you on your day.

Mal's grandbaby is due next Monday.  Had dinner with his boys & partners last night.  The baby is without a bassinett, linens, pram, bath etc - it does have heaps of clothes and 140 disposable nappies.  Have spent the day resourcing all the above.  Anthony started a new job today with the opportunity to finish his appprenticeship.  We had a chat to his partner on how important it is that he found this job given the time of year and the economic climate. Not sure how much went in, but anyhew.

Dee - the time of year, the shadows that fall on our hearts without warning, the moon and the world continuing to turn I truly believe adds weight to our journey.  I love that you miss your 'kids'.  Would prefer to know the grandies teachers are focussed on their charges and not just seeing this as a 'job'.  Glad you slept the sleep of bears on logs....how do they stay there.

Greg - Another 'time marker', Alyssa is gorgeous, so much like her dad.  

Dan - Where was this pic taken?  He looks so fit and healthy. 

Bonnie - the build up of all these past months has to find an outlet, breakfast with your best friend the perfect time to meltdown....sorry you are going through this time, sux.

Claudia - I think since losing Mike, my 'son' time is precious to me.   Having cavets put on being with or seeing Steven gives me the feeling of loss all over again.  I don't want to replace Mike with Steven, nor do I want to be number one in his life, I just want to be in his life and he in mine.....its something I need knowing now how fragile life and time is ........

The one wish we have is beyond this earthly realm.  The next is see our children healthy happy and surrounded by love and light in the next.........

Its been a long day.  Trying to find nursery furniture and helping budget with the 'parents to be' to achieve the necessities..  Tired beyond belief, Muttley a little put out, no walk today........

Nite Indigos;)

[cameronsmom1]

Well I guess 3 hours of sleep will have to do, today is the day!!! Getting ready to head to the hospital now. I will keep Marcia updated with everything. Thank you all for the support you have given me through this. Love ya, Amanda

[nicksdad]

Greg...The site is beautiful as is Alyssa..

The avatar pic was our last family trip to the beach. When Nick wanted to he could look really good and he knew it....He spent alot of time with our daughter on that trip (her in pic)..which was really nice.

[Guest]

Good morning, Indigo's!

Although I can not, yet, put names with posts, I've read each one.  My heart reaches out to you as the pain of each individual loss seems to have hit with deadly precision simultaniously.

Wishing I had just the right words of comfort to offer, like so many of you seem to have.  But, I don't.  I just have the sad knowing.  I have the gratitude that I am not alone in this journey through the shadow of death.  And, so sad that you, any of you, have to be on this journey, too.

It is my hope that the peace that passes all understanding envelope each of us for just a moment today to give us strength to make it through another day.

Sending love,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[arc4ever]

Thoughts are with you this beautiful day Amanda. 

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

Yes, I did see that movie ..... so, so sad.

Do you watch Brothers and Sisters on Sunday night?  I'm addicted .....

Amanda,

Happy Day....... new life!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[ericasmom]

THE beauty of this day knowing that Amanda's Son will be born. How wonderful. Can't wait to hear all about HIM.

The students are funny, all wanting to share about their long holiday time off. They haven't been here since Tuesday of last week. Everyone, including me is tired, I did not sleep that well last night, some bad dreams, but the sun is shining adn we have had a good start to the week.

Love and good day to all INDIGOs

dee

[lolynbo]

WANTED TO SHARE A STORY WITH YAL...KOURTNEYS STEP MOM (PATTY) AND I WERE TALKING..AND SHE SAID THE OTHER MORNING SHE WOKE UP AT 6AM.AND HEARD A VOICE SAY "READ REVELATIONS"..AND NOTICED A GREEN LIGHT ON THE CEILING..SHE SAID SHE RUBBED HER EYES AND IT WAS STILL THERE, THEN IT DISAPEARED..AND QUICKLY CAME BACK...SO SHE WOKE SCOTT (KOURTNEYS DAD) UP AND ASKED HIM DID HE SEE IT...HE SAID HE DID..."WELL WHAT THE HELL IS IT? SHE SAID.....SO THEY GOT UP AND STARTED LOOKING AND IT WAS A REMOTE TO A CORVETTE THEY USE TO HAVE (WHILE KOURTNEY WAS HERE) BUT THE BATTERY HAS  BEEN DEAD TO THIS REMOTE FOR AT LEAST 5 YRS...AND WHEN THEY PUSH THE REMOTE,  NO LIGHT COMES ON....SHE SAID SHE READ REVELATIONS BUT HAS NOT CONNECTED THE TWO YET...

WHAT DO YAL THINK THE CONNECTION IS?

[Guest]

[user=22932]lolynbo[/user] wrote:

WANTED TO SHARE A STORY WITH YAL...KOURTNEYS STEP MOM (PATTY) AND I WERE TALKING..AND SHE SAID THE OTHER MORNING SHE WOKE UP AT 6AM.AND HEARD A VOICE SAY "READ REVELATIONS"..AND NOTICED A GREEN LIGHT ON THE CEILING..SHE SAID SHE RUBBED HER EYES AND IT WAS STILL THERE, THEN IT DISAPEARED..AND QUICKLY CAME BACK...SO SHE WOKE SCOTT (KOURTNEYS DAD) UP AND ASKED HIM DID HE SEE IT...HE SAID HE DID..."WELL WHAT THE HELL IS IT? SHE SAID.....SO THEY GOT UP AND STARTED LOOKING AND IT WAS A REMOTE TO A CORVETTE THEY USE TO HAVE (WHILE KOURTNEY WAS HERE) BUT THE BATTERY HAS  BEEN DEAD TO THIS REMOTE FOR AT LEAST 5 YRS...AND WHEN THEY PUSH THE REMOTE,  NO LIGHT COMES ON....SHE SAID SHE READ REVELATIONS BUT HAS NOT CONNECTED THE TWO YET...

WHAT DO YAL THINK THE CONNECTION IS?

Wow!  I'm going to read Revelations! 

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

Interesting dream she had.

I have no idea what it could mean or what the connection would be.  What came to mind is that they thought the battery was dead and had been for some time but yet it was still able to manifest the green light somehow. 

That's a message in itself ......  don't you think?

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[mpsmom]

Well I  know everyone is waiting for the big news so.......................

Amanda just had her baby....still waiting for all the details.. but he is finally here.............

she started pushing at 1;20 pm and he was born very close to 2:11 pm, he is 9 lbs 4 ounces   

[align=center]HAPPY BIRTHDAY  [/align]

[align=center]Ashton Lyle Wittner :dude:[/align]

[align=center]CONGRATULATIONS [/align]

[align=center]AMANDA & JEREMIAH   [/align]

[align=center]  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/align]

[mpsmom]

                HERE IS IS,

 ISN'T HE JUST PRECIOUS ?????????

[mikesmum]

[align=center]CONGRATULATIONS AMANDA & JEREMIAH   [/align]

[align=center]Welcome - Ashton Lyle Wittner [/align]

Such a bright light in your lives - Thank you for allowing the Indigos to be part of this amazing story.

Thank you Marcia for the picture, so precious, so loved. 

[align=center] [/align]

[shorty16]

Happy Birthday Ashton

 

Way to go 9lbs 4oz - Big Boy

 

Thinking of you Amanda and family

 

Colleen

[ericasmom]

HOOOOOORQY for you Ashton, being born to such a great Family! I love your first photo opportunity, and I look forward to so many more. May your life be strong and long and wondrous.

Hugs to you Amanda, what lovely news on a day such as this. Magical.

[hotsauce]

it is really good to hear good news for a change

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY  ASHTON

 

Best of Luck AMANDA and family

 

lots of hugs

 

mary ann (hotsauce)

BRIAN'S momdukes

[lolynbo]

FINALLY ANOTHER ARDMORITE HAS BEEN BORN...WHAT A CUTIE...AND GIRLS IM THE CLOSEST I CLD GET SUGARS...

I HOPE THIS POSTS..IT KOURTNEYS HEADSTONE WITH HER CHRISTMAS FLOWERS..

SHE HAS 9 SPOTS...I TRIED TO GET THE WHOLE AREA...OF COURSE WIND IS BLOWING.SO

[ericasmom]

Hey Everyone, just want to pass on a note that if you go online or you have a catalog for a place that sells lovely toys called HEARTHSONG, and you purchase, you will receive an email that says that HEARTHSONG will plant a tree for each item you bought. So I bought two items last evening for a great niece, and because of that I was able to choose from 5 areas that are being restored as to where the two trees will go. I chose the streams of Pennsylvania for this purchase. Just nice to think that while buying a gift, we do something good for the environment. So if you have kids to buy for, you may want to check it out.

Blessings,

dee

[lolynbo]

SECOND SHOT OF FLOWERS FROM THE HEADSTONE..IV NEVER MADE THESE TYPE B4 MONTY HELPED ME..WE PUT THEM IN PLASTER OF PARIS

[mpsmom]

Lorrie, the photo of Kourtneys Christmas flowers is beautiful the red is SO red. Love the new avatar or Kourt and Brent.  Love the racing flags around the base of the flowers.

HUGS              <3                  Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[mysonrich]

Ashton,

 

[hotrod]

Best Wishes

          Ashton,

Amanda and Jeremiah

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

[Guest]

Welcome, Little Ashton!  Congratulations, Mom and Dad!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shellbellsmom]

Welcome Ashton :dude:

Congrats Mom and Dad!

[heartbeataway]

Congrats on the arrival of your new son Amanda!  Now you can relax and just enjoy him .....

Lorri,

Great job on Kourtneys flowers .....

[lolynbo]

SORRY I TOOK A NAP WASNT FEELING WELL WANTED TO POST THE OTHER SIDE...

THANK YAL, I THINK IT TURNED OUT NICE..MY QUIET PLACE..

[4everjoeysmom]

Wow! Amanda, you are my HERO... 9 b, 4 oz. I think that would about kill me!! LOL! Congratulations, and welcome into the world Ashton!!!

Lorri, I have a Scripture verse framed from revelation about when John viewed heaven, and said that it was like a rare jewel. Maybe that green, like emerald, was just a glimpse of the jewel-like vision into heaven....where Kourt is.

Dee, that's really cool about the trees!!

I decided to bake today; I made 6 loaves of banana bread and 4 dozen banana-walnut cookies. Gonna give them all away and start all over tomorrow, I think... LOL! Made me feel a lot better. xoxoxo ~Claudia

[ericasmom]

Claudia, I can smell the baked goods from here. I am glad it made you feel good.

Amanda, Ashton is one ounce more than Jonathan was at birth. That is one big babe. He is adorable, I want more photos.

Lorri, hope that you are feeling better, I love the stone adn the flowers at Kourt's spot. And I love that the green could indicate the precious gems in Revelations.

Tired today, think I will go to bed early tonight, maybe by 9:00. Check in with you later,

dee

[mysonrich]

Someday.........

• I sit and hold your picture
  As you looked not so long ago.
  I wonder, how would you look
  Were you here with me today.
  

• God had you in His plans that day
  You were lifted from your home.
  But still, as days go passing by,
  My eyes keep searching, everywhere.
  

• My heart is still as broken
  As it was that other day, and,
  Though one year will pass and just as quickly be gone I'll love you, each and every day.
  

• And if the Lord gave me one wish
  I wouldn't think, not for a second.
  I'd ask to see your face, my son,
  For just a single, fleeting minute.

• You're locked up deep within my soul,
  And etched into my heart.
  And when the time is right, my son,
  I'll once more fold you into my arms..........
  Someday..........
  

http://www.journeyofhearts.org/kirstimd/someday.htm
 
I wrote to the author of this poem. I added, changed a word or two. I have asked permission to include this in the paper on Rich's angel day. I use to write some but I feel I have too many questions and words are jumbled. Like music, it will take time. I have included a link if you all.
 
Lorri, the flowers are a reflection of your daughter. beautiful.
 
Betsy, my sonRich

[hotrod]

Betsy  Beautiful Poem   Someday is a thought deep in my heart and soul and I know if I had one wish what it would be as well.

 

Lori  Beautiful Christmas arrangement The Flowers are so vibrant

 

Claudia Yes baking is terrific therapy  I  stopped baking because I was tempted to eat the cookies and not distribute them as you have done.  Good for you

 

 Good Night Indigos

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

[summergirl]

WELCOME TO THIS BEAUTIFUL WORLD ASHTON ...... I'M NOW AN OFFICIAL VIRTUAL AUNTIE !!!!   AMANDA - HE IS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL, I AM SO EXCITED AND HAPPY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE PICS.   (THANKS MARCIA).

I am feeling better today, thank you for your kind words.  Tavian is HOME after 10 days with grandmother...I am so happy to have him back. We talked for a while and I do not think I will be letting him go for that long again. Will talk about it another time.  He is sooooooo happy to be home, he just hugged me and Barry and smiled all evening, then we read the last 2 chapters of Helen Keller and then discussed it...he is so smart !! Love that boy, just like his mommy.

Lorrie - Kourtney's site is so beautiful...I love everything about it....hate that it has to be there.  Are the flowers real or fake, I love them, can you tell me how you did them???   Green light, an emerald.

Trudi - you are incredible....I need to say no more my friend.

Dee - the teacher of children, the teacher of the "indigo's", a poem each time you post.......

I am sorry I cannot respond to all posting tonight but Tavian did not fall asleep until 9:15, very late for him so I am tired and want to read for a while and hopefully sleep.....much on my mind....the brain is tired of thinking and the soul is weary of worrying....

Rest peaceful tonight Amanda and baby Ashton.....

Peace and lover to all of you...Kathy

[summergirl]

Betsy - I love the poem....just beautiful. Thanks for the site....

[arc4ever]

Lorri,

Kourtney's stone is beautiful.  I don't know how long you have had it set, but seeing it finished and set there at the cemetery sent me way way way over the edge.  I didn't realize how bady it would affect me.  Just my word of advice to you (just in case) and to others who may not have gotten to that place.

Love and peace, Terrie (Adam's Mom)

[arc4ever]

Ashton, you are a beautiful child with more parents than you will ever realize watching you grow.  And more angels than can be counted watching over you.  Your parents will be there and will love you every day.

We love you too sweet child.

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[arc4ever]

Sad news in our area, Saturday night two young teenagers killed in an auto accident. They were on a date Kyle Colello (18) and Lyndsey Rice (15).  He was a member of football team, she was a cheerleader.  Just regular kids going on a date.  Missed a swerve in the road, hit a guardrail and ended up flipping the car.  The news indicates they were not wearing seatbelts.  Pray a little extra for these families, we know what they are feeling now and in the weeks to come.  My husband actually called the school that they attend and gave them the number to Compassionate Friends.  He called the local newspaper to see if he could get some publicity on the candle lighting Compassionate Friends holds the second sunday in December. (no one has called back yet but we will see).  I would like to go and see these kids' parents, but I think we should wait a couple of weeks or so.  There are usually so many people around those first couple of weeks - then they seem to disappear and get on with their every day life.  All except those who truly love us and love our children and even if they don't completely understand they take us for who we are now.  Those are the people we want in our lives.  Maybe a visit to the parents would help them.  We'll see.  It is also so very sad, so many young lifes cut short (at least as far as we are concerned) in so many tragic ways.  It can be overwhelming.

I read a FB note from a friend of mine, she posted what I can only guess is a post about her children calling them "UNGRATEFUL--SPOILED LITTLE F***KERS"  How can you say that about your three children??? Never, ever, in the Adam's entire time here on earth did I EVER come close to saying such a thing.  I so want to respond and get nasty but it really isn't worth my time.  I think I may just be chalking up another friendship to "they don't understand".

THEN, another posting on FB from the wife of a friend of my husband's he has stage IV colon cancer, gone into the liver, many spots in the liver and they can't do surgery.  He has been getting chemo.  He was diagnosed Labor Day weekend 2008.  Her post for Thanksgiving was "I just hate when I feel lousy with a bad cold, especially on Thanksgiving Day! Today I am thankful for the person responsible for inventing ibuprofen. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!"  This from a woman who has no idea how much time her husband has left - no mention that she is thankful that he is still with us, that he is fighting this cancer with everything he can.  No, she has a COLD and is thankful for IBUPROFEN"  (Note:  This is the same girl that on the evening that Adam passed away, many people gathered at our house.  She walked up to me and the FIRST thing she said was "so are you still planning on going on that cruise?"  What the heck crazy lady, my son just DIED and this is what you say to me.  

Okay, done with my ranting - at last for today- hope you all had better interactions with people.  I think we should get back to the book idea and what to say to someone when they have lost a child and have that book in every library, funeral home, etc.  Cause we could surely do a better job at helping people realize what to say than what they are actually saying!!!

Thanks for listening, bedtime again,

Peace and blessed dreams to all Terrie (Adam's mom) 

[mikesmum]

Terrie - thoughts and prayers to the two families now catapulted into this journey from such an innocent 'normal' date.   Yes the intensity of the support does seem to petter out after the first weeks, months.  Those who know will understand they will be needed long after the crowds resume their lives.

Sadly, for someone to truly understand they have to pay the ultimate price.

As for the insensitive in this world -  I took four weeks of work after Mike died.  When I returned I was given leave forms to sign for compassionate & annual leave to cover my time off. That happened in the first hour.  I had  applied for leave in the March for an overseas trip and was told the leave I had just taken might leave me a little short.  Compassion??? (remember, these guys were there when the call came in). 

Lined up at the Post Office today, smiles not a care.  Then on the speakers, "wake me up when September ends"......tears, no words, odd looks - with the exception of the staff who know my story and are the most understanding group outside BI.

Lorri - you my girl have a flare for decorating.  Kourtneys memorial looks magnificent and the flowers add the right amount of colour.  Love the checkered flags.  Hope you're doing okay.

Marcia - were you up all night waiting for the 'breaking news'?  Thanks for posting that little ray of sunshines picture - pass on to Amanda and hubby how much it means to see new life.

Maryann - an new pic of Brian?  Great looking kid!

Colleen - how does the plans for holidays?  Hope its coming together just like the reno...slow but with an excellent outcome.

Well off to do something, not sure what but have walked Muttley and I know there is something I'm supposed to be doing!  Oh well it'll come to me sooner or later....

Ciao bella

[ericasmom]

OK< not in bed as planned, but it is all good, JOnathan was here, nothing in the world better than that. He and I walked out under the mooon as he was leaving. WE looked up into the brightness, the giant fullness right overhead, and all around it, several colored halos. Beautiful. Felt blessed by being with Jonathan and standing under the magical moonlight.

Terrie, so so sorry that you have two young ones to mourn. I know that even if y ou don't know them, you will mourn, knowing what you now know. I think that your husband's compassion together with your outreach will potentially be what allows these two families to step into the next day. Your guidance and care will lay as evidence to the possibility of survival. Lord knows that it feels doubtful in the first few months. You could drop them a card now, leaving your number and a brief message that let's them know that you really do understand, and then a follow up card in two weeks or so letting them remember your first message. You are good and kind people to think of them as you are.

Yes, I have been made frustrated by the simple taking for granted that many do where their kids are concerned, as though they automatically feel that tomorrow is guaranteed. Sadly, those three kids are being punsished online for the world of facebookers to read. ICK! As far as the woman and the cruise question, Double ICK! Sounds to me that she simply will not/cannot get next to anyone's real life.

Marcia, thanks for being the Special Aunt and bringing us the news, and the photo.

MaryAnne, where was that photo taken of your Son? Love that photo. Thanks for sharing.

Trud, yes, you faced a great deal of compassion didn't you? (NOT)

Kath, glad that Tav is home and sleeping. You sleep too.

now I am really going to bed,

dee

[shellbellsmom]

Betsy lovely poem, I think I will send this to a lady who’s 14 year old son 1^st angel day is coming up on the 7^th, He died on his way to a Christmas parade in the midst of a snow storm.  Thanks for sharing this.

Lorrie the flowers at Kourneys spot are beautiful…and they really stand out with their vibrant bright color.  It’s sad we feel we have to decorate - but it drives me crazy if I don’t.

Terrie your husband did a nice thing by calling the school to let them know about the CF group in your area.  This is such a terrible time of year for this….No time is a good time, but around the holidays it just makes it that much tougher.  My son had a friend who’s brother died and I wrote a short note to the parents a couple months afterwards to let them know they could call me if they needed to talk, and I also offered them a list of the support groups in our area.   She called me shortly after receiving the letter and we talked for hours….she cried, and so did I as my was fresh too…I think it helped her. 

I read the post about the 2 young kids just going on a date and in a blick of an eye they are dead and it scares me so.  Tonight the weather is snowy and icy…one of the 1^st snows we have had. My son decided to go to the movies at 10:15 at a theater that is 45 minutes away and on a rather curvy expressway.  I was furious and tried to talk him out of going.  Michigan sucks in the winter- the roads are always slippery- I used to go crazy waiting for my daughter to make it safety back to college- sometimes it would take 2- 3 hours to go 60 miles- I was/ and still am a nervous wreck when the kids drive in the winter…and now I know bad things do happen and to people like us.  I know for everyone here who lost a child from a accident you must just freeze when you hear these stories and relive their death over again,  like I do when I hear a young child dies from cancer. 

The last thing I want is to have my son see me all scare and nervous begging him to stay home…but I can’t help my insides hurting so much and fearing for the worst.

Kathy glad litte Tavian is back safe and sound with you….

Trudi – that song always gets me too- way too sad.

Dee- glad you and Jon had a wonderful walk outside together. 

                                 

Thank goodness I see my therapist tomorrow, really need to relieve some stress.  Here's wishing you all a very peaceful sleep...with wonderful dreams of your angels. Sue

[nicksdad]

Lori....The flowers look beautiful..

Terrie...On the part "I would like to go and see these kids' parents, but I think we should wait a couple of weeks or so.  There are usually so many people around those first couple of weeks - then they seem to disappear and get on with their every day life"...that is so true.

My sister is a principal in New York and in the past few months has had 3 young men from her school pass away. She has gone to all the viewings etc due to knowing the boys and the parents. She said she has been waiting a few weeks and writes them a letter and just tells them that she will be there for them if they need anything and then tells them about different places on the Internet that might be of interest to them.

[Guest]

Good morning, Indigo's!

December 1st.  Ugh!  I have got to get my butt in gear and decorate and shop.  I don't think my grandchildren will take kindly to I was just too tired.

Their perpetrator is entering a change of plea tomorrow.  The DA told me not to say anything to the girls, yet, because she's so unstable he foresees her changing her mind at the last minute.  She will plead no contest to two felony counts child abuse and they drop the sexual assault charge.

This feels familiar.  I may have already told you guys this.  Go figure....

Anyway, at the sentencing, the girls (my grand-daughters) and I will have the opportunity to say something.  I guess they will have the girls write something out to give to the judge.  Me?  I have something to say!

I hope you got a good night's sleep, Amanda.  Those days may be behind you for a while. 

Sending you all love and peace.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotsauce]

good morning everyone,

DEE< TRUDI< thank you for the comment on BRIAN'S new picture,  it only took me two hours to finally get it posted.  picture taken in our kitchen

i hope everyone has a good week,

LORRI, the stone you have for KOURTNEY is beautiful.  our cemeteries in delaware are so full they don't allow big headstone.  can't decorate much like that here. if it's not stolen is taken off by the workers.very nice job.

CLAUDIA< i can smell the bread here.  sorry about you and your problems with the daughter in law.  had a lot of problem with BRIAN'S girlfriend and they were not married. 

hugs are around to ALL

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[shorty16]

Susannah,

I too went through a felony court process.  Mike  also pleaded no contest to Homicide by neglegent use of a motor vehicle.

We also got to speak in court.  I spent 8 months preparing my speach.  At first, the speach was so ugly and full of hate.  But as time went on, I was able to express myself better with words that really spoke to those 2 boys.

The judge actually quoted my speach saying "It was well thought out and without malice."  I never thought I could create a speach to those two boys "Without malice"  But I did.

Those were, by far, the most stressful times in my life.  So many people were on Mike's side of the courtroom claiming Mike did not deserve to be punished for his actions.  Brian should never have been on the hood of the car.  They are right, Brian should not have been there, but Brian did not have his foot on the gas petal(sp). 

In my case, the trigger was a gas pedal, not a handgun.

Some powerful stuff in that court room.  I am praying for you.  I have been there.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever