Loss of an Adult Child

[lolynbo]

JUST ORDERED KODY, MONTY AND I ACDC TIX FOR NOVEMBER...SUPERDUPER EXCEITED

[arc4ever]

Excited for you for the AC/DC concert.

That was the first concert Adam ever went to, we were "okay, seriously his first concert has to be a great rock n' roll concert" He loved it, he was about eleven.  He saw Lynard Skynard with us, and Rolling Stones and was mad when we didn't take him to  Bob Seger (sp?), for his 16th birthday we took him to see Eddie Money and after the concert Eddie signed photos and Adam stood in line to get one.  We had tickets for all of us to see Lynard Skynard before the crash, it was too soon after the crash, we just couldn't go.

Love the new pic of Eri, she is beautiful sitting there.

I love hearing from everyone about what they do with their angel's belongings.  Brings me comfort, thank you.

Hope those who are having good weather (Ohio is in that category - finally not 100% humidity!) are enjoying it, and hope anyone who may be in the path of the projected hurricane (can't remmeber its name!) are safe.

Love to all,

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[mamabets]

For briansdad~ AMAZING video!!!! Felt like I was right there with them all!!

Thank you!!!!!

Much Love~

mamabets and Danny, her little wink from here, there and everywhere

[ericasmom]

Hurricane Bill I believe, maybe you Northeasterners will have some great waves and some nice beach glass roll up on shore.

Terrie, the first concert Eri adn Jon went to  was Metallica. I took them adn two cousins and one of Jon's friends to an outdoor venue. Surprised them with the tickets the day school let out one year. I do believe Eri was 11 as well. It was wonderful, though I am not a big Metallica Person, it sure suited their purposes.

as far as tangible items, I have several. The brush Eri used to swipe across her eyelid is what I use each day, often without any makeup on it, as I hardly put any on, but I love feeling it on me each day. I wear the crystal that I bought for her her last Christmas here. It was hanging on a hook in her bedroom at the house she shared with her brother and friends. I was so happy to have that, knowing that she took good care of it. I have one of her journals, a pair of her shoes, her slippers, I kept her prom and graduation dresses. I gave a lot away as well. Oh, I have some pottery she made senior year of high school. Stuff. Stuff that holds so much that is dear.

Enjoy the good weather if you have it, and if not, hope that you have a cozy day inside reading and napping.

dee

[mamabets]

For mikesmom~ So sorry Carol that the 20th came and went. What's important is that your dear Mike is celebrated each and every day in my heart... Please remember that always, OK??

I love you, and Danny and I are sending big wishes your way!!!

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, MIKE!!!!

Much Love~

Betsy and Danny, her little wink from here, there and everywhere

[mikesmomrs]

Concerts!   Oh, my gosh, I could start a thread just about Mike and his concerts...we have every one of his many, many tickets....aren't we all glad we have these terrific memories?  Thank God for them all.  Even though it embarrassed him to tell it, the first concert that Mike and I went to together was Paula Abdul!  Those were his self-described "geek days," though I did find the ticket to the show, along with the t-shirt and program he bought that night, in with all of his other memorabilia stuff, so I guess he loved the memories as well!

Bets:  thank you, I love you and Danny, too, dear friend!  I LOVE the picture of the "glowing" Danny!!!

Claudia:  I love the pic of you and Jo-Jo...and your story of how you keep Joey's things about, using some of them...this is what gives us strength each day, isn't it...

Lorri, I guess by now you know that none of us think it's silly to take Kourt's pic with you...  Terrie, I love the candle idea, as well...

Sharing a little more of our trip to MN:   Dee:  Trudi and I were with Marcia when she bought the purple boots and they are wonderful...like they were made with her in mind...she had purple on that day that she bought them, too...enjoy them, Marcia, you will look terrific!  We had fun shopping that day...just a short jaunt, but I think each of us were "shopping with friends" for the first time in a very long time, and we had a lot of joy in those couple of hours...finding things that delighted us...I found a wonderful purse that I almost didn't buy, but eventually justified in my brain...Trudi found some awesome sneaks for "really cheap" as she said, and some shirts she liked; Marcia the boots and a great wallet for her dad that she had engraved with the name Bethany always called him..."Bumpa."  Trudi also got a beautiful bracelet for her sweet grandbaby, Emma, and had the silver heart on it engraved.  I found a wonderful silver "fortune cookie" with bling all over the top of it.  Inside was a pink, pearly glaze, and a removable tiny silver strip set in a holder inside,  that I had engraved with "Miss You" and on the other side "Younger Brother," which were the two fortune cookies we got the first time we went to Mike's favorite Chinese restaurant...almost one year after Mike passed.  "Younger brother" was on the fortune strip that his older sister, Cathi got, and "Miss You" was the on the fortune strip that his dad got...(I gave this "find" to Cathi when I got home from MN...she fell apart, but it was a good tear release for her)....Trudi, Marcia and I sat in the middle of the mall, sharing pretzels, and it was a memory I will long hold dear...Marcia went into "Coldwater Creek," to look for a shirt, and I walked in to look around.  For some strange reason, I was drawn to a corner of the store, and when I walked over there, truly wondering why I was doing this, as i had already spent my "mad money," this was sitting on the shelf, waiting for me:

Thanks fo Marcia and Trudi's encouragement, it now sits on the shelf in our dining room.

Lorri:  have a wonderful trip, and we will keep Kody in our prayers for safety tonight...and even perhaps a win! 

love and peace to all my wonderful and dear friends here at BI...

Carol  mikesmomrs

ps:  the Red Sox lost to the dreaded Yankees last night, 20 to 11 !!!!!!!!!!  Somebody...please...heeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllpppppppp................

[heartbeataway]

Things of Jason's .........

I have so many.  I sleep in his "cozy pants" sometimes. I have shirts and sweatshirts. Rich and Jay had the same shoe size.  He wears his shoes.

We have his Nikegolf Slingshot Golf clubs and his Jeep Rubicon. We have his tool box from his garage and  cedar chest he bought when he rented a house that didn't have very much storage.

When we went to pick up his personal effects. The things he had with him when he left, it was a silver money clip that we had purchased in Lake Tahoe and given him one Christmas.  It has 90.00 and his license and credit cards. I carried it with me for a long time and then stopped.  I worried that something would happen to it. I have boxes that were packed away and have, "For our grandchildren" written on the top.  Haven't been able to open those.  They have his toys and things that were put away and saved.  His first teddy bear is in there.

I have a hat box in my closet and it holds cards, I have lots of cards from him (& others.)

I have a sweet letter he wrote one time when he had gotten in trouble.  It's about respect.  He had a knack for writing and it's so sweet.

I have a t-shirt that he wore in a plastic bag hoping to preserve his smell. I guess that sounds wierd .....

We also have his overnight bag that he took for the weekend. His leather dopp kit with his razor, etc....  and his chapstick.  I remember thinking at the funeral home that I wished I had his chapstick.  His lips looked a little dry.  Probably from the tubes .......

These are tangible things that I can hold but I have so much more in my heart and in my mind.  I still remember his little hairline on the back of his head when he was a baby and those sweet little lips ...... and then he grew and he grew and he became a fine handsome, witty, sensitive young man with a big heart and a warm embrace.

I remember those hugs.  I miss those hugs.

I miss him coming up beside me, putting his arm around me, giving me a hug and saying, Mom, you're the best.

I will continue to hold the tangible things in my hands and I will hold the memories in my heart ..... until I see him again.

 I will say his name ....... I will never stop saying his name.

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie:  tears and gratitude...thank you...

love, Carol  mikesmomrs

[heartbeataway]

Lorri & Claudia -

Love the pups pictures!  They sure add a lot to our lives don't they?

Here's a picture of our three last Christmas. 

Jay's Jackson is the Boxer,  Bailey Boy is the Lhasa and the Yorkie is Zoey Love.  They keep us busy and we love every minute of it.

Love!

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[mpsmom]

Bonnie, Jackson looks so much like our Tigger Boxer, he left us about 4 years ago, I have a picture of him and Bethany hugging his neck from behind on his last day with us , she was so upset to 'let him go'   How old is Jackson?  

Hugs, Marcia

[heartbeataway]

Marcia,

Jackson's almost six .... this is a picture of Jackson, Jason and Cody, Jackson's Dad

   This was also taken last December. I think Jackson looks sad ......

He is the greatest dog!  He's well behaved.  Everyone loves him!  Can you post the picture of Bethany & Tigger? 

Hope you're feeling better.  I've missed you guys!

[4everjoeysmom]

LOVE the photos and the memories... JUST LOVE 'EM!!

This is a photo I had stumbled upon a while back of Joey the summer he turned 21. He liked being outdoors and was helping me get the yard weedless and green. He had such a good work ethic and really loved helping. He was so tall and lean, and handsome and witty. I miss his hugs to, Bonnie. Joey used to come up behind me and say "I love you Mama!" as he wrapped his arms around my neck. He towered over me at 6'4". I miss him so... Summers just aren't the same without him here. Nothing is...

[lolynbo]

OK MY PEEPS AND FAMILY..IM PACKED AND FIXIN TO PUT UP THE LAPTOP FOR SAFE KEEPING...

I LOVE YOU ALL AND WILL MISS OUR CHATS AND OUR SORROWS, I WILL CHECK IN NEXT WEEK AROUND THE 31ST OR 1ST WHEN LIFE AS WE NO NORMAL GETS BACK TO THE NEW NORMAL..

BE SAFE AND BLESS AND BE BLESSED

OH BRENTS FIXIN TO BRING NEW GIRLFRIEND OVER SHE WANTS TO MEET US...:)THANK YOU KOURTNEY LYNN

[franklyval]

Dear Sherry,  Thank you for the kind thoughts and words. Please keep us in your prayers.   Valinda- Matthew's mom.

[mikesmum]

 Aloha - yes I'm back safely.  Tired and spent, but so much further into my journey than I believed I could be....will post more when I zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, sorry zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz adjust to the time zones.

 

[homeschoolmom]

Mamabets: Max is a 2 mth old shih tzu, brown and black.  My camera hit the deck a month ago or so, so can't take pictures- well guess I could with my phone...

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[ericasmom]

My AussieSis, so glad that you are back safe and sound. I look forward to your postings about Hawaii. I hope that you sleep soundly for a good long number of hours, catch up with yourself, so many time zones in a short while. Many compliments on my hat.

Bonnie, lovely words about the mix of tangibles and non-tangibles. I am so grateful for the mix in my world as well. The dogs are lovely.

Carol, thanks for telling us about the shopping story, I love that you women encouraged and found wonderful things. Knowing that many here have said that shopping is no fun anymore, makes me grin that you joined together and each found things. The silver piece sounds very special. I like knowing that Marcia bought those purple boots while with you. Matches the purse that is Bethany's.

Claudia, I like the photo of your tall handsome Son. I know what you and Bon mean when you say you miss the hugs. I sure do. Eri had huge hands, strong too. I loved holding her hand when we went out, from the time when she was small till she died, we held hands. Well there were those couple of years where she couldn't stand me, 13-15 or so, so she didn't let me get too close then,  but we would take a walk and hold hands, we would walk in a mall and hold hands. About 5 months after ERica died, I went to Nordstrom, (her favorite place to shop with me) and I stood in the junior department and touched all of the items that I thought she would have loved. Had she been here still, they were things I would have purchased for her. I wept.

Colleen, you okay?

Kay?

Valene?

Jeff?

Betsy?

Valinda, Mary Ann,holding you close as you find your way through this day, and then the next.

my heart,

dee

[heartbeataway]

Trudi!

Welcome home!

[align=center]I've missed you! 

[/align][align=right]Trudi's back! <3

 

[/align]

[homeschoolmom]

Another HUGE change for my family, and praying for wisdom, and direction... Growing up, my mom ran a boarding house for teen girls. There's a boarding school a mile away, and usually they have more girls enrolled, than space available, so several homes in the community will take these girls in... The school currently does not have a nurse on staff 24/7, so teens with medical issues either have to take their chances with a stranger, or travel on buses from wherever they live.  I am thinking of taking in up to 12 girls, though the time is a little late, considering school begins in 2 weeks, and most would have had accommodations already. My mom started with 16 girls and it worked out well. Over the summer, we have ran into, or had several girls come visit, which was really nice.

Well, we have 4 possibilities just from word of mouth, and today I went shopping for bunk beds and kitchen ware.  I am flying back to FL on Tuesday- Sunday to pack up and ship our school books and supplies, extra clothes for us etc. Tony will return in September sometime to pack up our furniture and ship them here. Seems like the best move right now, but praying for motivation, endurance, and just not getting overwhelmed, which is so easy for me now. I hope it works out, but am scared.

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

 

 

[homeschoolmom]

Claudia, wish I had grass that green- scratch that, wish I had grass! All I have is dirt, well, weeds too. The house is on a slope, and grading it will probably be prohibitively expensive in the foreseeable future.  We have to put in a water tank, and a pump so we will have adequate pressure in the house.  Right now, we have a 700 gallon tank, and no pump, so when there is no running water, we have very low pressure for as long as that water lasts with three kids in and out of the bathrooms, washing hands 500 times/day...

The rain has been pouring, so hope by the time Lorri gets here, it'll be bright and sunny again.

I'm heading off to bed early tonight as I am tired, and worried, and my heart is full.

Like Charisma shared in her post, I, too, wish I could just let my guard down, cry till I'm dry, and let the pain out- but I CANNOT!  I don't know if its my own expectations, or fear of scaring the children, or what, but I just can't.  I've promised my aunt though (she was at the scene when Rohan died, as well) that I will get into counseling, but when? I can't even find the motivation for that! Oh well...

I think you guys count as wise counsel!

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[4everjoeysmom]

Shelly, Yeah! That grass was from when I lived back in the States, in North Carolina. We had mostly natural growth where I was living for the past 3 years (here in Ecuador), but our new house/yard has no grass. It's actually beautifully landscaped, though, with very nice tropicals--some red mini-bananas, diephenbachias (sp?), lots of different palms, mimosa, and varying florals--iris-type, lady slippers, wild impatiens, ivy's and such...really beautiful. Maybe you could do something like that, and then use broken shells or small fruit seed/pits for ground cover. We're going to eventually do that in the areas where the rain leaves a lot of mud, because grass really won't grow in the kind of yard we have.

I have a feeling you and I experience a lot of the same kind of living. I've been to Jamaica, and I am reminded of it very much in some of this area I live in now. We also just recently bought a water tank and pump, as our water pressure is terrible. And with guests expected, we need to have enough pressure for the water to get hot for the showers. I'm not much fond of cold showers either. In our old place we had the electric shower head heaters. Here we have a calorfon, which is like a water heater that runs on a propane tank and a D battery. It's a nice improvement. But i don't have hot water for the washer or the sinks. I've gotten used to that and have discovered that dishes and clothes come just as clean not using hot or warm water.

Boarding the girls sounds like a lot of work! LOL!! But I envy you for considering it. I am too much of a neatnik, even in this simpler life. And I confess that I do enjoy having quiet time after an exhausting day. But I imagine it's so rewarding to see the girls blossom and to know that you can impact their lives to make a wonderful difference.

We're here for you any time you want to "unload" or "unleash" your heart and feelings. Hope you know that! It's hard to stow away the grief and not allow yourself to feel. It always finds you, eventually. Remember to steal away moments for yourself occasionally, as allowing yourself to pour out and empty the grief for a while rejuvenates the soul. HUGS!!! ~Claudia

[summergirl]

WELCOME BACK TRUDI - I HAVE MISSED YOU AND AM SO EXCITED TO HEAR OF YOUR ADVENTURES WHEN YOU HAVE RESTED AND ABLE TO POST AGAIN. SO WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN AT THE REUNION BUT AS I WATCHED THE VIDEO AND LOOKED AT THE PICS I FELT AS THOUGH I WERE THERE WITH YOU ALL.

Annie - I am so sorry for the loss of your Caitlin. I lost my Jessica from ARVD Feb 18, 2006, my daughter, my life - my husband and I have custody of her son Tavian who is now 7 - 4 when his mommy left. Hope to hear more about your Caitlin and get to know you more also.

Today Barry and I went shopping - back to school items etc. Then tonight my best friend Linda came over and we went to the Ocean to see the waves that "Bull" has created - amazing and beautiful. Then we took a long walk on the beach (the bay) and then stopped to our favorite place named Bostwicks and had a cocktail and talked - home now and it is still hot and muggy but I don't mind it.

 Love reading about things you all have of your child, things that you keep close and use.  Wow, things I have of Jessica's - her wallet on my stand the same as it was when we got it among her other things she had with her that night. Her favorite blanket on my bed that keeps me covered at night, her clothes - I wear her jeans and tops - her jacket she wore that night I sometimes put on and sit and look at pics of her, her favorite jewlery that I look at but do not wear, her favorite perfume we had bought her for that last chistmas - I spray it on and smell her, her hats and shoes and ALL of her stuffed amilmals she loved. Her dishes and silverwear that I use every day, her comforters that go camping with us. Pics in every room of the house and pics that I keep in the camper - I carry Jessica with me every where I go, in my heart and when I wear one of her tops it is though she is hugging me. Her candles, she loved them as much as I do. So many things so I must stop now.

Dee - LOVE the new avatar of Eri - so beautiful - so sweet your girl. 

Love the pics of the doggies - all so cute and all so loved.

Valinda - waiting for you my friend when you feel you can come here - will wait for as long as it takes - keeping you in my heart and mind.

Lorrie - I know you are now on your cruise and so glad you took your pic of Kourtney with you - and so happy you are going to meet the new girlfriend when you get back. Right now you are probably having a beautiful night - praying you have a most wonderful time!!

Going to Gin berach tomorrow with Linda to look for beach glass - should be alot after the storm.  A bunch of my friends had taken their campers down for this weekend but had to pull them off yesterday due to the high tides coming from "Bill"! We are so very lucky though that he is turning from us.

Love and peace to all this night - thinking of you all as always.

I need a new cheat sheet - where do I find it????  Kathy

Greg and Dan - if it is ok could you e-mail me your address. You can PM me if you want.  Thanks.

 

[mikesmomrs]

Yes, Trudi....welcome home...I am so glad that you are back at the roost, safe and sound, and so happy to see beautiful Mike's smiling face again...we've missed you so much!!  As Dee said, though, do rest, sleep as long as you need to, not feeling guilty about one wink of it, and get back to us with your adventure tales when you are refreshed. 

Shelly:  I am very sorry that you cannot find time to let your guard down, release some tears, and perhaps do some healing...and with this new venture coming, I imagine you will be busier than a one-armed paper hanger with a cold!  Goodness, such a wonderful opportunity to do some good for these girls, but I do hope you are considering the price in terms of your own comfort...praying for you for strength and wisdom in this decision.  Sending love and hope.

Dee: I was happy to share our "shopping" adventures...I know that each of us had said that it had been a very long time since we had ventured into a shopping place, and that we each felt alone in our own world at home, with the usual defection of "friends" from our "new" world of learning to live differently, so it was really wonderful to share those couple of hours.   I am so glad that you and Erica got to do the shopping with hand-holding...the memories are true treasures...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

YAY!   The Red Sox took the Yankees today...12 to 1!!!  It was a great game, and even better because my daughter was here and she was just as wild as we were every time the Sox got a run...

[ericasmom]

Shelly, I agree with Carol and Claudia, let it flow when it feels like it might, try not to hold it back, though i know with the kids near you, you want to protect them from the wholeness of your grief. Kids though are the most intuitive humans on the Earth. They will get it if you direct them.

If you say something like---I am feeling really sad today because I miss Rohan so very much, so please understand that if I cry today, tomorrow, whenever, it is often because I am trying to live with this sadnes that  a Mom has if she loses a child.

Chances are the Kids will get it and they will be less worried because you gave them a heads-up.

I think the idea of the boarding school for girls is a wondrous one, but I also think that you take on a lot when you already have a lot to deal with. Think this over, is it something you believe you can handle happily? You do not have to handle more if it feels too big/

We are proud of all you do shelly,

Peace and love,

dee

[pknight]

I bought a bottle of Kenny's favorite collogne to spray in his room- on his pillows.I bagged up the last sheet he slept with! Tomorrow is another Sunday & until 4:39 I am transported back just shy of 7 months! It is always a reliving of his last day and the million things I would do differently!

I wish ...

[cameronsmom1]

Well I just wanted to share something with you all! LOL

I had a big scare today, I sneezed really hard and felt a big gush so me panicking ran to the bathroom thinking my water broke because my shorts were pretty wet. I started freaking out to my sister and she was like just smell it. So...I got my shorts and found out that I had only peed on myself! LOL Oh the joys of pregnancy!!

Having fun tonight! I put the tent up in the backyard and Cameron is having a friend stay over for the first time and we are camping in the backyard. They have played on the slip and slide and in the pool, Jumped on the trampoline and rode in his power wheels truck, grilled hot dogs and made smores!! We are having a great time!! Hope everyone is well.

Amanda

[mikesmum]

Just a quick post....

Bonnie - the tangible things, the cards etc - I have a 'memories' box I kept for my kids from early days.  I am so blessed that I can touch the clay log cabin Mike made, read the mothers day cards he made, touch his white glove from his formal - he was here, I know and I continue to say his name with love each day.

Dee - Not sure if you picked it up from Carols post, but I bought walkers!!  This is for you...I walked all but the last 100 steps of Diamond Head.  The last steps were vertical leading to a tunnel in the rim.... While I had Mike with me, both of us knew the height and the claustrophobia would be too much...but hey I did the hard yards!!

For those who find signs everywhere - Carol, I just said goodbye to you at the airport and as I waited to be processed, this man and his wife stood next to me.  It was the shirt I first saw, then his wife.  She looked like she was being treated for brain cancer.  The same facial swelling, slow speech.  I told him briefly about us.  and asked if we could have a picture, cause you might not believe me! 

For you - your Mike letting me know he was with us all the way!!

More later.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz damn time zones!!

[homeschoolmom]

Good Morning...getting ready for church, but wanted to pause and say hi. Went to bed crying silent tears, and woke up still feeling a bit sad, but knowing it'll be here for a few more days getting worse until we get to the 26th. 8 months. Wow. I shake my head in wonder, and in disbelief.  I feel like I've come such a long way, but on the other hand, have a lifetime to go.

The boarding house is a 'job' but also a ministry.  The house is in the final stages of the remodeling/renovation, and we're going to be starting the shipping of our furniture here soon.  My job will consist of breakfast in the mornings, then Tony will take the girls to school. I will teach my kids, then prepare dinner and clean up the house- Claudia, I'm as much a neatnik, but...- before the girls get home, probably about 4:15 They will eat, do the dishes, study, have some free time, then it'll be devotions and lights out. If I can't handle laundry/cooking/cleaning on my own, then I'll hire someone to help- I don't want my kids education suffering.  Depends on how many girls I get, and my energy level.

Anyway, gotta go finish teaching Akiem his memory verse.  A couple weeks ago he recited, "help those who give trouble!" The verse was "help those who have troubles!" Everyone laughed.  A few days ago I was teaching him the books of the New Testament, and he was excitedly telling his dad what he had learned..."Matthew, Mark, Luke, John...The Acts of the Impossibles" (Should have been Acts of the Apostles). Probably watched too many Disney movies.

Peace Out to all,

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[pknight]

I would have apologized for pushing into private care where They let him slip THRough his tx deadline

[4everjoeysmom]

All of the would have's and should have's.....Those are so draining on the mind and soul during early grief... I remember all too well. HUGS!!!

Shelly, YES! I envisioned exactly what you described for the girls' boarding home. It IS a ministry. You and I seem to have a lot in common in terms of our surroundings, lifestyles, ministry service, etc. One of the things I felt in my first couple of years of grieving for the loss of Joey was that I had to "be careful" how I presented myself. I felt it was OK to openly share about Joey in some of my ministry moments, but I always kept my real grief at bay. Why? Because if I was a huge heap of mess, then I felt that I would be judged as not being able to properly minister to others. I also am the one who writes most of the time to update folks back home and supporters on how things are going here. I literally had writer's block for a very long time with regards to the raw emotion and pain that consumed me in my private moments. I found healing and even joy in my ministry, but behind the scenes I was not getting the ministry "I needed". It's subsiding now, although I still have organizational and motivational issues. I'm sure there's something on the other side of this I still have yet to discover in terms of my time, ministry, where I've grown, and what has fallen away. Anyway, not to ramble, but I just wanted to put it out there to you that if you go through something, anything, that you feel is just too heavy to share with anyone because your concern for how it may affect your ministry and how others perceive it, please know that it would be an honor to stand in your confidence and be open to receiving whatever you may need to unpack from your grieving heart. I may be able to share from experience. But most of all I would listen without judgment. If I can help in any way, please do not hesitate to call on me. Prayers and HUGS to you... ~Claudia

[ericasmom]

Dearest Pam,

 I bet Kenny knows just how many should haves adn could haves, but he also knows that you did the best you could and your best is what he knows from his whole life here. You are his Wonder-Mom, you are who kept him going as long as he was able. I think that he is smiling on you and hoping that you feel his peace. It was a hard battle and now he is peaceful.

I remember that it was perhaps a month, maybe two that I was walking in the little forest near my home when I felt a physical sense on my head. I stopped in my tracks t o look up to see what it was. NOthing there, but the feeling continued, it was like wind and water and a swirl of absolute love and light pouring into my head, and in the next second I realized it was Erica, sending me her peace. IT was her peace. It was she letting me know that she was All Good, in fact, at Peace.

I believe this, and on my darkest days, I remember the message. NO more pain, no more ache, she is in a glorious place.

Peace to you,

Dee

I did see TRUDI Girl, that you bought some walkers, and I am so glad. You are one brave Chicadee, walking that ridge. I love that you spoke to the couple at the airport and had the photo taken. What a soul you carry around inside you...

[briansdad]

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

Just a quick post....

Dee - Not sure if you picked it up from Carols post, but I bought walkers!!  This is for you...I walked all but the last 100 steps of Diamond Head.  The last steps were vertical leading to a tunnel in the rim.... While I had Mike with me, both of us knew the height and the claustrophobia would be too much...but hey I did the hard yards!!

Trudi,

In 1986 Jan and i walked to the top of diamond head. I didn't have a flashlight so as we walked through the several tunnels you go through I would set of the flash on my camera so we wouldn't be falling down some hole never to be heard from again.

Then when we got to the steps at the end  OMG! But the view was worth it.

[pknight]

You have my admiration! I still am a hermit! I went back to work a month after he passed. That lasted 2 months.

We are half way to a donor Drive- we wanted to do it on the 6 month aversary but couldn't get our act together. Got 100 kits in & free processing lined up so it will happen

& then I feel guilty for flaking out- how many peaople could have been helped while I am too chicken to deal with people !

I am writing Letters to Senator's - the White house & Oprah on reform!

No more pre existing conditions! No stalling Tactics - I could rant & rant they told me I got him the Cadillac of policies & I got him a supplement that was supposed to pay 250 for every day

In hospital! Like Kenny said he had the illusion of insurance or

He wouldn't have had a chance at all! Thanks for listening may you all be blessed

Pam

Kenny's mom

[mikesmomrs]

Pam:  "Got 100 kits in & free processing lined up so it will happen & then I feel guilty for flaking out- how many peaople could have been helped while I am too chicken to deal with people!"

I hope I can find the right words to say this:  First, you are not "too chicken" to deal with people...you are a grieving mom, grieving in the only way you know how to do...and whatever that brings, it brings...it is what it is...as for the people that could have been helped:  perhaps someone, in our same situation or other situation, who was a little further along and a little stronger at the time, helped those people that needed help while you were healing and unable to step forward...I truly believe that that is the way it goes...we step forward when we can, and when we can't, someone else, a little stronger at the time perhaps, steps forward, and so it goes...

Please know that on this journey, I believe that one of the hardest things we have to learn to process is the "should haves and would haves"...they torment us at the oddest times, and just when we think we have them conquered, there they are again...rearing their ugly heads...but the strength we find from our precious child and from those of us who are traveling this road with us, will show us the path to walk, time and time again, to find the peace that we know in our hearts our children have and that they want for us. 

Dee spoke of feeling Erica there on her walk through the forest, showing her that she was at peace...Beautiful Erica, surrounding her mom with light and love and peace...such a wonderful thing for her to do.   I had a similar experience with Mike, just a few weeks after he passed...I was on my way to work, just crying my heart into shreds again, as usual, and suddenly I felt this movement through my chest, in from the back and out through the front of my chest...almost a whooshing feeling, and as it left, it was as though my chest expanded and a feeling of swelling occurred, and then it was gone, through and out, taking my breath away as it occurred...I truly believed that it was Mike, telling me that he was at peace, that it was okay...and I did feel peace...a peace that helps me get through those darkest of days.  Our children are still with us, Pam, and though we would prefer to "see" them, rather than to just "feel" their presence, the knowing that they are with us can calm us and give us that sense of peace we are looking for. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Pam, you are on your way to a drive? That is great, and when you are ready to do it, you will be helping so many. Please try to stop beating yourself up as to if only you were ready at 6 months, you weren't and that is perfectly okay and certainly understood here. If we do things when we are ready, the reach goes further. I agree with you to urge the government to assist with the ridiculous insurance issues with people with pre-existing conditions. WE ALL HAVE PRE-EXISTING ISSUES! We just don't know what they are yet.

I am rooting for you as you find your way Pam. Let us know what we can do to assist.

Peace,

dee

Greg and Trudi, you are both brave souls to climb so very high. I cannot say that I would have done the same but admire you for doing so. What great views when you climb out of your safety zones.

[homeschoolmom]

I left church early...couldn't stop crying...now seems like a dam has broken...my head aches...my heart feels ripped apart...this is living death...agony. My mom told me I need to get out more, to smile and get back on track...essentially to pretend until I do feel better. I replied that one wouldn't expect an amputee to run a marathon so don't expect me to LIVE the same way as I did before my precious Rohan died.  Nobody at church EVER mentions his name...I do. They will ask Tony how are the kids handling his death, but NO ONE ever asks me how I am doing... why should they, obviously it was a typo on the page of my life. A tiny blip on the screen of eternity. I am hurting. Bad.

Shelly

 

[mikesmum]

Pam - Believe me it was such a different story back in my early darkest days.  Once an Emergency Medical Dispatcher who as my father in law says, would make friends with a lamp post, I couldn't leave my house, answer a phone let alone engage in any interaction with others..

Mike died in Jan 07, I found BI in April that year.   Around that time on my first trip out to a shopping centre I found my "emotional support puppy".  Muttley.  I started walking him just around the street then further each week.  People would comment on how lovely a pup he was and slowly I took it from there.

Its been 31 months and yes I still have my 'downtime' days where home is my sanctuary - but as this journey stretches out in front of me they become less and I recover quicker than before....

Shelley - I agree, you sound like your life is similar to Claudia's with your work and your faith.  It is still early for you as well. The why's whatif's how could this happen take all the energy from you leaving you nothing but fatigue and tears.  I hope you are able to take a breath and just be for a time in your day allowing your energy to return...Thoughts with you.

Trudi.

This is Muttley and I on the morning I left Australia......

[heartbeataway]

Shelly,

My heart to you sweet Mom of Rohan ....  I'm so glad we are here and you can come to us when it seems like no one else is there for you.

Rohan was and will never be a typo in your life.  He lived and he did so much more than die.

Folks tend to be uncomfortable with grief.  No one knows how to react or handle us when we express our grief.  As if not saying their name will make it better in some way! 

There will come a time that it will become softer.  But there will always be reminders and there will always be memories.  Some will make you smile and some will bring tears. You will even smile through your tears.

In the meantime, take it easy, don't try to do too much.  You need to take care of yourself.

 

We will continue to say his name .......

Rohan ........ Rohan ......... Rohan .......... Rohan!

Love,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[heartbeataway]

Today, I worked in the garage and a box I opened earlier and closed, I unpacked today. It had Jason's little league mitt in it along with my husbands. For some reason, it just takes my breath away. I put my hand in it, held it to my heart, even smelled the leather. I miss that little league baseball player just as much as I miss the 31 year old that he had grown to be. 

I continued in the garage but continued to wipe tears ........  the miss in my heart that speeds up once in a while reminding me that life is moving on without him wouldn't go away.

Last night I was on Facebook.  Every once in a while, I look up Jason's fiancee. Her February wedding picture has been posted for a long time but last night it had changed.  She's very pregnant now!

I'm happy for her but it still made me sad. She and Jason were going to name their son, Tucker.  It was because she loved the name so much.  I wonder if she will still use it.

Life does move on ........

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[mikesmum]

We found this on frame in a store while Marcia, Carol and I were shopping......

"We are each of us angels with only one wing and we can only fly by embracing each other".  Luciano de Crescenzo.......

[pknight]

Hopefully this picture Loads!

It is from his obituary

[ericasmom]

And we do join wings don't we? It is how we learn to fly again. I love that.

Shelly, I agree with the wise advice given by the wise sisters you have here, you need time to be YOU> People ask how the kids are doing because they cannot deal with how the adults are doing. I do believe that in your church community, you can teach them about grief. Maybe your pastor can sit with you and discuss how isolated we feel when grieving and how a community can assist by saying the names of loved ones who have died. A discussion of why we choose the names we do when they are born, or when we adopt, and how important that decision is, and now, that name needs to still be spoken, that person will always be someone who indeed shaped your lives. We need to educate people about grief, and in so doing, we will be helping out the next person who sadly, will find themselves here. I like what you said about an amputee... You have a very busy schedule, my hope is that you find time for your need to be alone with your thoughts.

Bonnie, I miss those early days too, as much as those later on in ERi's life. I loved the baseball years for my kids. LOVED them. It is a melancholy day for many today, go with it, let it lead you down the roads that allow the tears. They spill for a reason.

Dee

[heartbeataway]

pknight ...

Sweet picture!  Thanks for sharing with us.

Dee ....sweet words.  How we learn to fly again.....

I'm off to make Shake n Bake pork chops for dinner ..... yum!

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[ericasmom]

Pam, thank you for sharing your Boy with us. Hang on tight as the days unfold. WE are here all the time for you, for one another. One day down the road, you will look back and see the steps you have taken.

I am making a well-loved pork dish for us tonight, a traditional Sunday meal, a big one as a start school tomorrow meal. Pork tenderloin with prociutto and breadcrumb stuffing in between the tenderloins. It is so fablulous.Home grown tomatoes and a salad, some crusty bread, and voila' a meal. I made it at Christmas time and jon and John loved it.  Jonathan and Shannon are coming over too. John husband, is pretty under the weather with the cold, so he is napping on and off. I am fighting the scratchy throat, I sure hope that I am able to sidestep this, as starting with kids is immune depleting enough.

My thoughts are with you all, may we persevere and find joy in our lives

[daveydow1]

PAM-----Nice photo of your son....Thanks for posting it.

VALINDA----You and your family are in my thoughts & prayers. Peace to you.

CLAUDIA----Such a nice pic of your dear son, Joey working  in the yard. Also,

love your little dog, "JO JO". Pets are such a comfort, aren't they? Take care.

  Daveysmom, Sherry

[mikesmomrs]

Shelly...hugs, and saying his name...ROHAN, ROHAN, ROHAN...I am so very sorry that you are feeling so badly and so alone...know that we are here for you, arms out...

Bonnie:  I know what you mean also, about the mix of young and old, missing both...when Mike passed, he was just coming into his own as a grown man with a family...just identifying with the role and taking it on as a second skin, being more natural with it...I was already missing the young boy, the young man, and suddenly the grown man was gone also...the tears that fall are sad, but as we know, healing...sending love and strength.   I meant to mention to you earlier (much earlier) that I loved that you felt comforted by the wonderful heart-shaped lake that you saw on your flight...Jay was with you, all the way...   BTW, have you thought about writing to the airline, or calling them, about the reimbursement for the hotel room?  I should think they would...it wasn't your fault, and sometimes the phone call or the written word takes the request higher, to a positive outcome. 

I'm off to try to take a nap...I know, odd time...but I worked in the yard today, and my body is asking me whatever was I thinking!!!!  So, some Advil, and perchance, to sleep?

love to all, carol   mikesmomrs

 

[shorty16]

Wow BI friends, pages and pages of posts.

My 5 day audit is over at work, Thank goodness, all went well

Saturday, we drove Aaron to Great America in IL to meet up with his camp-girl-friend and her Mom.  "Alex" lives in Elgin (sp) IL.  Talked with Brandi, Alex's Mom and she said they were both very respectful and phones in when required.  I am very proud of my Aaron.

Been very busy this weekend and now I am just sitting on my butt.

Dee - Yes, I am OK. tired, lazy, but OK

Marcia - So glad you had a good time shopping in MN.  Mall of America is quite the place.

Claudia - Love the picture of you and your dog.  Very lush vegitation.  How is the area for American's to travel to?  Is the government stable?

Trudi - Welcome Home.  When I read your posts, I can just hear your Aussie accent.  I want to come visit you in Australia.  Melbourne, right?

Carol - Thanks for the Minn shopping story.  I was driving to my home along with 9,000,000 other people, mostly from Illinois.

Bonnie - What a pack of dogs you have.  Love Jackson, love boxers, quite the personality.  I sleep with Brian's pillow.  Brian did not have alot, he was a minimalist.

Terrie - Love that you are posting more.  I pray for you and your husband a safe and wonderful trip around lake Erie.  Also love the candle thing.  I never thought of going to a Christian store to buy long lasting candles - thanks

Lorri - I will always pray for Kody and safe racing.  I know we must allow our kids to pursue their passion, but their safety is always in our minds.  God Speed Kody.

 Thinking of all of you, always

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[homeschoolmom]

Well, the kids are fed (Bree's grumbling about the never-to-be-made meatloaf spurred me on), and are now in the tub.  We have a Tollhouse cookie pie cooling a bit for supper, and I am longing for that moment when I can go to sleep. No school this week as I am leaving for Florida on Tuesday, but will need to prepare activities etc for the kids while I'm away, or they will live on tv and video games.

I am drained. I wish I could be a hermit and hide away from the world. Think I could manage to hide from myself?

I am so grateful for you guys. Know what it costs each to be here, but I am thankful nonetheless.

Blessings,

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[homeschoolmom]

Colleen, congratulations on the successful audit. You know as soon as I saw your pic I knew you were Brian's mom. It wasn't the t-shirt either. Good you got home safely amidst the 9,000,000 other people. That's 6 million more than we have here on this entire island.

Claudia, thank you, and I will be calling on you. You are a blessing to me.

Marcia, shopping with three little kids was always my least fun activity.  They hated all my comparison shopping, and much preferred to irritate each other. They lived for the moment when we would walk out of the store and I would plop them in the carts and powerwalk or run to the van.

Dee, hope dinner went well, and you and John are feeling better. Praying for a healthy, rejuvenating school year for you.

Blessings all,

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

 

[homeschoolmom]

Carol, forgot to say, Thank you for saying Rohan's name. I smile 'cause he used to say, "Wohan" for Ro-An.

Rohan's dad, Jim, had a full beard like your Mike, so I wonder if he would have worn one...He was the essence of his dad, who he never knew: kind, sweet, gentle. I withdrew him from soccer when he was 4 cause he decided that rather than chase after some useless ball, he would chase the dragonflies instead.  It was funny to see, all the little tots heading one direction with the ball, Rohan heading the next after some hapless insect. As if that was not enough, he would lose the fly, and come on over for a quick snack before deciding to rejoin the game. Finally when the game was over, he would come to me, plop down in my lap and declared how "tiwerd" he was! I'll bet.

Good times.

Shelly