Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Dan----Precious & sweet----your UTube video of little Nick as the turtle.

Dee-----I agree---it is difficult to get past it when someone does or says

something thoughtless and unfeeling after losing a beloved child. Sometimes

it seems as if they just took leave of their senses.:X I also had an occaision

where a dear friend died, and her husband was taking it so hard. He seemed

to appreciate the calls my husband & I gave him, and I went to her funeral &

calling hours. When Dave died, I had not heard from him for a whole year, then

called him. When I asked him if he knew about Davey's death---he mumbled

"oh yeah, I read about it in the paper".  He & his wife were our friends for over

25 yrs. He was abrupt, and rather callous, so I ended the conversation. He has

never called to explain/or apologize. That was 5 yrs. ago. Needless to say, I have

not talked to him since. I was completely baffled, & hurt. My husband just said that

the guy was acting like a jerk.  Sorry to ramble.......  but, as you say...Some people

 can be so unfeeling. I guess everyone on this BI site has had similar experiences.

So glad you had a great time in Minn. You all look so nice in your pic.

     Sherry

[pknight]

This is slow weird going but @ least I have a voice again! With my computer on the Fritz I have been going crazy! Now that I can reach out again I feel more connected. Thank you all 4 being here! I could hear Kenny's laugh 4 the 1st time since he passed 6.5 months ago. I shook a bottle I had already unscrewed & ensure went everywhere. He had that happen in the car once & we laughed so hard we almost wet ourselves. As I looked @ the mess I'd made I could hear his laughter & it was the happiest sound I've heard since I lost him!

I hope each of you hears that if you haven't already! Pam

[tanmanmymagicman]

nicksdad; you are a strong awesome , proud dad; sharing with us all your little guy......

I think I will never be strong like you .......I could never , never look at a video of Tanner and then realize that cute loving son was no longer with me......

I applaud you for your strenght to share ; So cute.....You are so creative on this site; all us at BI are lucky ; again thank you for the tribute to my Tanner on Aug. 7.

Blessings to everyone.......All you gals that with to the reunion; You all Rock........maybe next year...............

Tanner's mom Cindy

[ericasmom]

Bonnie, I am so sorry to hear that your trip home was troublesome. Had I known you were in Chicago, I would have gotten back in the car to get you, we were home by 8:15 that same night. We had a good deal of traffic but boy, you had a topsy-turvy ride. I love the photo you posted, I will post some tomorrow, I am having trouble shrinking them down enough to post. I sure had a great time meeting you in person, but wasn't it as though we could just pick up where we left off online? I love that. And I feel the same, our time in one anothers company exceeded any and all wonders I had. I was unsure as to what to expect, and BAM! It just unfolded as naturally as petals from a flower.

I do really hope that we meet again next year, and that more folks are able to come and join in. It has really resonated in my spirit, I feel lighter and somehow more peaceful inside.

Pam, so glad that you have a voice here, that using your phone works. How cool. I smiled when I read that you heard your Son laugh, and that his laugh was the best thing. It is a wonderful thing when you can remember your Baby and smile or laugh, a real step forward when that happens. Tell us more about your Boy.

Love to all,

dee

[4everjoeysmom]

LOVE the photo of the girls in MN!!

Bonnie, it was so great chatting with you on FB tonight. I too am glad you are safe and sound at home. Hope you got tucked in and that much needed rest. xoxoxo ~Claudia

[nicksdad]

[user=19712]tanmanmymagicman[/user] wrote:

I think I will never be strong like you .......I could never , never look at a video of Tanner and then realize that cute loving son was no longer with me......

Cindy...Thank you... I would hope in time you will be able to do the same with Tanner. Not really strong that "little" vid probably took me 4 hours with just starting, stopping, starting, stopping etc in between tears....

So I am not going to be breaking any speed records with my recording capabilities doing it that way. But, even with the tears to me it's worth seeing how happy he was.

Dan

NicksDad

[ericasmom]

Cindy, I know it is hard for me too, to watch a video of Erica. I did not bring the ones I have almost forgetting that I have them as I have so hard a time watching them. I still have not watched the one that Bridget has given me, though I feel it is a holy gift, just not quite ready. I will love it, and I will fall apart as well. I thank you Bridge, for the gift, it was straight from your heart.

Dan, in between tears is how we do things isn't it? We gain strength I think, by remembering and taking joy in the fact that our Babies did have happy lives. Looking at photos and reviewing some of the videos one may have is another way to remind ourselves of those beautiful Children in happy everyday life.

Okay, can you tell me again how to access the instant message Dan?

dee

[briansdad]

it's odd. I was just the opposite with my videos.For some reason  I found viewing all of my videos made feel calm in the days after Brian died. Don't know why maybe it made me  realize what I had. You know, no regrets. I don't know, wish I could explain it.

Greg

[ericasmom]

Greg, a perfect example of the variety of ways we grieve, no two exactly alike. Our Kids are snowflakes, individual little crystals, made different than the next by circumstance, by events and people in their lives, by hardships and by love, and we are that way as well. I look forward to watching videos of ERi, especially this new one from Bridget, but I have to be ready to watch it, no obligations to be around anyone during the first viewing, and no obligations to work or family following because i don't know how I will feel, and I don't want to limit myself. I know that I both laughed and cried very hard at the two videos given me. I never took home movies, so I don't have a lot of film to watch.

Have to tutor adn go work at school, wish me luck that I get it all ready.

dee

[mamabets]

For All~ I am SPEECHLESS at the sight of these photos.. They are headed straight to Danny's website!!

Thank you!!!!

Much Love~

mamabets and Danny, her little wink from here, there and everywhere

[mysonrich]

End of August 2008....I was packing about now having already sorted, stacked, delivered things I no longer needed/wanted. I asked Rich to help me move, Labor Day weekend. He told me there was a neighborhood party/concert/event     that weekend, did I want to go! I explained that I stated a new position right after the holiday. I told him we could start early and he could make it back in time. So, off we drive, me and daughter  in the car and Rich and g/f and daughter in the uhaul. I told Rich that i was sorry about messing up his day, the party. He said, " Mom, I'm only sorry that the party was on the day you moved" He made it back and had a good time. I regret moving. I regret not going to that party. I'm rather cynical towards family that never stepped up to help with my mom.I'm mad that I felt pressured by her siblings, as if my family didn't matter. being close didn't matter to them. If I was a mean person I would take some glee in the fact the the shoe is now on the other foot, but I won't.

 

 

 

 I feel , as stupid as this sounds, that I didn't move,maybe Rich would be alive.

 

 and, great photos of your trip lady's. one family.

[ericasmom]

Oh Bets, it is the same as me wondering if I had kept ERi on the phone a bit longer, maybe only two minutes longer, would she have missed being hit by that train? Eventually, we give that wonder away for the most part, it creeps in now and then, but serves only to punish my soul and really, we don't need more pain do we?

I can see the bitterness toward family who expected so much from one human. How cool that your Boy moved your things, that he helped you in that process. How far was the move? He is a Good and Great Son Bets, he always will be. Just as you will always be his Wonderful Mom.

Love,

dee

Mamabetts, we kept you and everyone here with us on the journey, you and the Kids. We said their names over and over.

[4everjoeysmom]

And everything you feel, Rich's Mom, is "normal" in grief. So don't feel stupid. I felt guilt for being a continent away when my son died. He was still getting used to the idea that I was on another continent. He was not happy about that, but he was "forgiving me". Talk about guilt! Joey was one of two most precious gifts ever given me, and could I have changed his fate? I don't know. I believe it was his time, so if I could have been there and sent him to the drug store, he might have been hit by a car. If he stayed home and didn't go out, maybe he would have had a seizure or something. We can't control those things, though our hearts try to reason and tell us we must have done something wrong. because its just not natural to have a child die. You're being hard on yourself. It's normal. But try and understand that you are not at fault. Rich did not die because of something you did or didn't do. YOU are the one person in the world that would have died in his place if it were your time. But it wasn't. It was his. And now you have survivor's guilt on top of the excruciating pain of losing him. Stomp on that guilt right now, because IT'S A LIE!!!!

And the anger you feel. That's normal too. Having a target to place it on helps us to materialize it instead of internalize, which also is destructive. But you have a choice to merely feel the anger without actually acting on it...and that takes courage and strength. You are making a choice to not be retaliatory. Good for you!! That's a hard place to be. I still get waves of feeling angry at my brother. he's pretty self-centered. Has not asked me once since my son's memorial How I am, or if I need anything, and he says he is a Christian. Ummm...ok. He called me to tell me my son is dead a continent away, heard my shriek and knew what that moment did to me....and then 3-1/2 years later has not once mentioned his name to me...nothing. UGH! yeah.. people can be insensitive oafs. But then I can;t go and place my expectations on another. He obviously is not made to tick like I do. He doesn't have children, so he's missing some carrots in the nurturing bunny pen. That's really a shame for him more than it is for me, because I got the blessing of Joey in my life. He barely spent time with Joey. His loss to reckon with....

Anyway, hope you got my message of support and love in there somewhere. It's there...just wanted you to know you are not bad, or crazy, or mean, or anything except for a mom whose heart is broken because she misses her precious and beloved son, Rich. HUGS!!!! ~Claudia

[pknight]

Dee u r Erica's mom. Right? Only have 2x2 to read. I envy that u have a video. I know it will be hard but imagine never hearing or seeing her again. We don't even have a voice mail of Kenny. We were planning to since they said we had 3 or 4 weeks & up until that time he wanted no thoughts of death discussed. I feel so Stupid to have put off so much. @ least I have pictures & Letters!

These will warm your heart the rest of your life. Lock the world out if u have to but know how blessed u are to have her living before your eyes! Thanks for understanding & your smile. I will get to know all of you soon. But know that as much as I can pray these days I pray for each of you & our children! Pam

[lolynbo]

SO GLAD U GIRLS ARE BACK SAFE AND HAD A GREAT TIME...I HOPE YOU TALKED ABOUT ME AND KOURTNEY..(GOSSIP IS GOOD)..

IM RUNNING AROUND WITH MY HEAD UP MY...GETTING READY FOR THE CRUISE WE ARE LEAVING SAT AFTER KODYS RACE, (A FRIEND IS GOING TO TAKE THE RACE CAR HOME FOR US AND WASH IT AND PUT IT UP) SO WE CAN GET ON THE ROAD...WE THINK IF WE LEAVE SAT NIGHT AROUND 10PM WE COULD GET TO GALVESTON AROUND 4 OR 5 IN MORN THEN CATCH A NAP...THAT WAY WE WONT MISS THE BOAT..

THINGS DO HAPPEN SO I TOLD KIMBERLY WHERE ALL THE LIFE INS PAPERS ARE AND WHAT TO DO...LETS JUST SAY IF SOMETHING HAPPENED SHE WILL BE TAKING ALOT OF CRUSIES AND VACATIONS...AND SHOPPING...(ONE NEVER KNOWS WHAT GOD HAS INSTORE FOR US DO WE?)

I LOVE THE PIC OF YAL, WAS THAT B4 JAIL OR WHEN U JUST GOT RELEASED????

TTUL LOVE TO ALL

[4everjoeysmom]

Lorri, YOU ARE A HOOT! "Was that before jail or after the release?" LOL!!!

If someone's life isn't changed on that "boat" by having met you, (and been trapped there for a week with you on board too , then I'll just be an organ grinder's monkey. Dang Woman!! Where do you get all that energy?! LOL!

Seriously though, 5 days...and counting... and hoping you have an amazing time. We'll be looking forward to all your stories when you get back. xoxoxo

Pam, Looking forward to getting to know you better too, and Kenny. Blessings & Hugs!! ~Claudia (Joey's Mom)

[cameronsmom1]

Lorri, you will have to tell us all about it! I think that is the same cruise I will be going on next summer so for sure tell me all the hot spots!! You will have a great time i'm sure. Can't wait to see pictures!

Amanda

[pknight]

Hi Claudia and Everyone,

I am actually logged on my computer for the 2nd time.  Since it is working I will take this opportunity to tell you about my Kenny. He was born February 4th, 1983 and died February 1st, 2009. I have 2 childeren even if he is not here. Kenny was my youngest and we were closest though I love them both dearly.

He was diagnosed March 27th, 2007 with T cell Rich B cell lymphoma. Stage 4. I had bought him a Blue Cross policy for his birthday as he had let his lapse due to financial issues. They then listed him as a pre existing condition. His cancer was so rare that he qualified for a clinical trial @ National Institute of Health ( National Cancer Institute) in Bethesda MD. They paid for his care and transportation and 50.00/ night for lodging. ( Minimum cost in that area were 100.00/night.  I am disabled and Kenny lost his business when he was sick. ( it helped cause his cancer) he was a flooring contractor and was severely allergic to the chemicals.

He went in to a psuedo remission after 6 rounds of chemo and as young people do he thought he had beaten it. We fought non stop as he was sick of being sick and didn't want to deal with it when he didn't have to.  By this time last year he was going to an experimental treatment @ NIH as his cancer was so aggressive and MD Anderson didn't seem to care. ( we flew him out there for a consult and instead of admitting him they sent him back here to get into good enough shape for a consult.) I kept getting told that they were the best and since his insurance would now cover him I pushed him into going back again. I went with him ( He finally stopped fighting me on that) NIH said a stem cell or bone marrow transplant was his only chance and we needed to get it done ASAP. MD Anderson said they could do it in time. They hgad a 29% increase in patients during the holidays and were short staffed. His nurse told me he had fallen through the cracks but if I quoted her she would deny it.

In January MD Anderson gave him a 10% chance. We came back to see his local oncologist. They admitted him for 1 week to do paracentysis (ms) and released him on Friday  January 30th. His doctor told us he had 3 weeks to  a month. He went out on Saturday to get his outpaient treatment. He wanted food and picked it up for all of us. HIs sister drove. We played scrabble that night and he asked if he could rub my back for me. He wanted to show his gratitude. He was more disoriented during the night and in the mornig I asked if he wanted to go to the hospital. He said no and stupidly I listened. I put my dying son to bed not realizing that he was dying. I found him @ 3:30 taking his last breaths and we called 911. After watching them hammer a spike into his shin bone for an IV, I stopped the paramedics. I could not bear to watch him be tortured anymore.  He was the light of my life and I have had only one dream of him. In the dream he was sitting telling me I fucked up. He wasn't dying. I should have had an autopsy and I shouldn't have had him cremated.  I go on only because there is some reason GOD did not answer my prayers and take me or let me take his cancer- So there is something I have to do for him before I can go.  He was such a fighter so I fave got to fight for him. I just don't exactly know what and how I am going to do.

I know each of us is hurting and only those who have experienced it can understand it.  I have gone to compassionate friends but I fall apart in person. So thank you all for being here and helping me to reach out. I will upload a picture of him when I can get back on this old beast of a computer.

Pam

(Kenny's Mom Forever)

[4everjoeysmom]

Awe Pam, I'm so sorry... What a terrible and traumatic journey for Kenny, and for you to helplessly watch him fade away. That dream you had about Kenny... It was your guilt conscience. DO NOT believe for one second that you "f*'d up". You did everything you could. And sometimes the clinical trial stuff... they don;t exactly know what to do next... thus "clinical trial". It's an experiment. But it was your only hope since Kenny was "pre-existing". THIS is the kind of thing that will become VERY COMMON under socialized medicine. I hate to say that, but i see it all the time here in a developing country where medicine is socialized.

Pam, you gave it all you had. You prayed all you could. It just wasn't to be. The answer was the Kenny would be healed, but not until after he left the broken body he was in. And THAT NO WAY is your fault.

I think you're right! That there is still something here for you to accomplish. And in doing so, you will continue and honor the legacy of Kenny. We all find our way in time... My heart and prayers are certainly with you. So soon in your grief journey, and so much to bear.

Looking forward to seeing pictures and getting to know the life and times of Kenny... Love, Claudia

[hotsauce]

just a question.  has anyone ever went to a psychic/medium to find out how their children are doing on the other side, if they did cross over as yet?

i was just wondering if anyone has.

thank you, maybe i  am going crazy, who knows

Mary Ann

[briansdad]

Mary Ann,

Yes I have gone. I was a good experience.

[hotsauce]

Greg

if you get the answers to the question you had?

mary ann

[mikesmomrs]

Just popping on to say hello and that I got home safe and sound...I have "spot" read a few posts, and Bonnie, I am so sorry you had such a difficult time going home...I know that you were still not feeling 100% from your illness before you left for MN, and I am sure this added stress of your trip did not help...

I have been napping pretty much all day today....I fell asleep around 10:30 this am, and when I woke up it was almost 2 o'clock!  I couldn't believe it...if I nap, it is usually for 30-45 minutes...I thought my hubby set the clocks ahead!

I will certainly post more about the trip, the pics, etc., but for now, we have company...Mike's friend Denis is here to watch the game and have supper...

The only time before in my life when I met someone for the first time and felt like I had known them forever, was the night I met my husband...and we married 6 weeks later, 45 years ago!  Meeting these beautiful, kindrid spirits this weekend was simply magicical...spiritual....healing....and I felt as though I had known them forever! 

I will post more later...our dinner is here (no, I am NOT cooking...delivery is on the menu for tonight  :-)

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[heartbeataway]

Kayla ...... saying your name sweet girl.  We are remembering you and sending your Mom love and strength .........  saying your name ........ Kayla

I was the one honored with saying your name in Minnesota .......

[mysonrich]

He doesn't have children, so he's missing some carrots in the nurturing bunny pen. Thats funny !. I know some people like that as well. I'm not home yet, but will be soon. I'll see you all later.

.............

Its the 18th. Rich died on the 18th but I haven't felt this way on the 18th before. I think it is the shorter days.

The picture of you guys really looked like a family reunion. SO at ease with each other.

[heartbeataway]

A quick stop at the liquor store while in Minnesota ......

[daveydow1]

Pam,----Glad that you are back on BI again. Also, glad that you had the

experience of hearing your dear son, Kenny, laugh.It's times like that ---

when we feel that we can actually smile & feel it, that we know we are

making those little baby steps on our way to living our new way of life.

Peace to you, friend.

Daveysmom,  Sherry

[heartbeataway]

Beyond Indigo dinner with Kelly, Kim and Eric .......

[summergirl]

KAYLA - REMEMBERING YOU SWEET ANGEL - SPREAD YOUR WINGS AND FLY HIGH AND EMRACE YOUR SWEET FAMILY. KAYLA, KAYLA, KAYLA!!!!!

Lorri - you are just too funny - you are going to have a great time on the cruise and behave yourself and if you don't then I want to see the pics of you before and after!! 

Pam - I am so sorry about your sweet Kenny - how traumatic this journey is, the differences in the ways our children were taken from us. When I first came here I was sure there was NO ONE who ever felt the pain I was feeling, no one who could possibly understand - I was certainly brought to my knees by the posts I have read for over two years and it still brings me pain to hear of YET another child. Thank you for sharing your Kenny and look forward to seeing his face.

LOVE, LOVE the pic of all those in the Hotel - wow MN was certainly more than each expected from what I have read and I am so very happy for all of you - by the time each of you have shared all your time together with us I will feel as though I was there!!

I have video's of Jessica but have not yet watched them, maybe sometime in the future I will be able to look at them but have not found the strength yet to see her talking, laughing out loud - it terrifies me.       Barry and I went to the cemetery tonight to "clean" - we are both so angry at how they maintain so we have decided to do it ourselves - I have to write a letter to them to let them know so they do not touch it again. It looks so beautiful but so bittersweet. I stood there with the tears falling down my face talking to her for quite some time - it takes me a while to get myself back into this living world after I am there with her. Three years, 6 months today - NOT POSSIBLE.

I have not been to a physic but am planning on doing so in the future, I have heard some very good things about a woman in our area so I figure why not - I have nothing to lose by going, I have already lost the most precious thing in my life.

I am a little down tonight so I will close and wish every one a beautiful night with sweet dreams. Kathy

Trudi - I am thinking of you my friend as you travel - wishing wonderful times for you with peace filled moments and new experiences that you will carry with you always. I think of Mike flying with you keeping you safe - Kathy

[lolynbo]

I NEW IT I NEW IT....THERE WAS LIQUIR INVOLVED....LOOK AT YAL LUSHES....DID THEY ASK FOR ID'S...

IM SO MISSIN MY GIRL KOURTNEY BUT I NO SHE WOULD KICK MY BUTT IF I DIDNT HAVE A GOOD TIME...

I GOT MY NAILS DONE TODAY, I HAVE PALM TREES ON THEM AND A LIL BOAT...FLOWERS ON MY TOES...READY TO GOOOOS..

LYNN I FRICKIN LOVE THAT NEW TATTOO OF URS..IT IS AWESOME...

IT WAS GREAT TO SEE U AGAIN AMANDA...I FEEL THE SAME AS IF WEVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOREVER...YOUR SO CUTE PREGY...AND NOT BIG...I WAS BIG FROM THE EARS DOWN...

WELL YAL BE BLESSED AND BLESS...IM TRYING TOO MYSELF

[heartbeataway]

Colleen, check out the shirt she made!  She was our driver, we so appreciated that!  She has an infectious laugh and just wait until you see the ...... rest of the story ......... !

  Dee's hubby John, aka: our friendly garden knome ...... love you John!  Thanks for sharing Dee.  ( Lorri, do not let your mischievious little mind get carried away! '-) )

Carol ..... my travelin' buddy.  Hope the knees are doing okay! 

Dee ..... the most active in the group.  I think she walked three or four times every day! Loved our walk!  Love you too!

Marcia ..... pronounced Mar-see-ah .... did anyone else think it was Marsha?  One sweetheart of a lady!  Rich and I are going to Vegas to visit! 

This would be me .......  notice the heart in the tree.  I could see this tree from my window.  I loved it!

Trudi ...... She was one funny lady!  What an honor that she traveled so far to join us!  I sure hope you are enjoying the island life you're leading for a few days!  Wish I could have joined you!  It would have been better than being stranded in Chicago!

[heartbeataway]

Colleen and the beast!  Did you get the windshield taken care of? 

Friday night dinner .... great pasta bar! 

I love this picture of Dee & Trudi .... I think they were laughing at my "delay".  Or rather, my camera's delay. 

[summergirl]

Again - I love, love, love the pics !!!

[heartbeataway]

Just a picture ....... honest!

Dee sharing Eri with Carol ......

John & Dee

Field trip!

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

I promised pictures and I delivered!  Hope you and everyone enjoyed and got a glimpse of the great weekend we had together in Minnesota! 

Downtown Minneapolis

If you ever want to send Carol a gift, she really likes the ChocoVino!!  ;-)

It's not what it seems .......

The labyrinth ...... upon seeing it, we suddenly all got this overwhelming desire to weed.  Crazy! ;-)

That's all folks!  Nite!

[mysonrich]

Bonnie, Great pictures. What make camera do you use?

 

Carol, naps are good for you. I took one a few weekends ago and woke up at 6PM! A good 4 hours.

 

Mary Ann, I haven't and haven't really considered the idea.

 

Everyone! Look! Claudia said "f*'d up" ! :-)

 

Claudia, thanks though there have been times when I have had to stop myself.

 

 Pam, in your dream Kenny said he wasn't dieing. I see that in a different light, thought . He wasn't dieing, he was just going home. My son didn't have health insurance either. I did my best to get him to enter college so that I could put him on my plan, and afford to put him on my plan. He asked about insurance. I asked him over and over if something was wrong. He said , no. He just wanted lasik( vision correction surgery). But, I ask myself, was that all of it?

 

Dee, the move was around 150 miles, not that far I thought. 3 hours tops depending on traffic. The g/f didn't like the ride, didn't like the lights in the tunnel through the mountain, ( close your eyes), didn't like the way her ears felt, ( yeah, I'm way up there in altitude, NOT), blah.blah,blah..but Rich loved her, so...ya know.

 

I wanted to thank you all for being here, much as we wish we weren't. Like Mary Ann , Rich's death , I feel I have endured alone except for you people. Though I think no matter how many people may be around, to some degree we are alone in this. we have to be.

 

Betsy,myson, Rich

[heartbeataway]

I have to tell you guys a little story ......

Sunday when the plane I was on was coming in for landing.  Mind that the runway was just a few what seemed like feet below, the plane engines suddenly revved and we went back up. The landing was aborted.

The pilot came on and said that a gauge wasn't working properly and they didn't want to chance landing with the reading they were getting.  We circled and again came in for landing but again the engines revved and we went back up.

This time the pilot said that there was a wind sheer fear and that was why the landing was aborted for the second time.

We circled and once again the pilot came on and said that because of weather, we were being diverted to Indianapolis.  The plane also needed fuel.

We landed in Indiana and sat on the ground for just under two hours. 

On the way to Indiana, the lady two seats behind me had a full fledged panic attack and a couple others near the back of the plane were throwing up.

I think everyone on the plane was tense. But the coolest thing happened. I was looking out the window actually thinking this could be bad ........ and I looked down and there was a lake and it was in the perfect shape of a heart.  I went for my camera but it was too late.

For some reason, that heart shaped lake calmed me. I knew we would be okay.

We finally landed in Chicago. During the grounding in Indiana, my husband called and checked on flights.  I had missed my connection.

I immediately went to the ticket counter of the flight and was told that it was full, also over sold but I was #3 on the standby list and with other flight delays, I shouldn't have a problem.

I waited in the airport for what seemed like days and finally they started boarding. They started calling the standby names and my name wasn't one of them!  So I went to the counter.  I had to stand in line because it wouldn't be fair to the other folks in line for them to help me.

When I got to the counter, I looked up and the plane was pulling out.  I started crying!  Like a baby I stood there at the counter and started crying!  I couldn't believe it myself!

The agent felt so bad she came around the counter and was hugging me telling me she was sorry .....

Okay, then I was told that the next flight would be at 8:30 and even though it was over sold, I was on the standby list.

It was late loading but glory be, my name was called from the standby list!  When I got to the counter, I called my husband to let him know I was on the flight.  The agent looked up at me and told me that she shouldn't have called my name.  It was a mistake, there was no seat for me.

This time I was in disbelief!

I ended up having to shuttle to a hotel, spend the night with nothing as my luggage had been checked and was already in Virginia!  It was between 10 & 10:30 when I got there.

I did get on a flight in the morning ...... but ...... I'm not a big fan of Southwest Airlines!

There was no compensation because they seemed to forget that the original reason for not landing was mechanical. So, it was an expensive layover.

Crazy day to say the least!

[lostwoher]

Thank you so much for sharing the photos. I so wish I could have been there with everybody. Unfortuantely it was my wknd of mourning and working 9 & 1/2 hour shifts. Maybe next year will be lighter and I can share some time with you all.

See what happens when you add alcohol- fingers goes flying . Hopefully all have settled back into their comfort zone of home and feeling rested. Well, except for the one who keeps going and going...Island hopping!

I considered going to a median of sorts but I really dont think Im ready for that. Right now Im content with the orb photo taken at the balloon release. It makes me feel calm while looking at it. Recieved a new tapestry today of a Boyds Angel Bear. The saying is: Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. Im hanging it in the bedroom with my collection of angels. Mostly bears and the orb picture.

Been getting lots of comments on the tattoo. Was a wee bit worried on what my manager would say but he surprised me by complementing on it. How could anybody say anything differently?

I dont have any videos of Kayla. Somehow they have disappeared from my parents home. I did go thru a huge bag of photos last nite to start working on an keepsake album and to have all the pictures put on a cd. Im aweful at organizing pictures so lots of work ahead.

 Early day tomorrow so heading off to lala land. Sleep tight.

Lynn                  

          Just one year ago today we all met to say goodbye. Not me, I wished you well on your new journey. Til we meet again- I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH. Always in my heart.

[ericasmom]

 a litttle photo to share, though it is the same as Bonnies. Hey Bon, love the photos adn the commentary. Hey the fingers really were not as they may have appeared. I was showing the Ladies, that I have crooked middle fingers as I admired Bonnie's nails.

[ericasmom]

we saw a yellow punch-buggy, just like Bethany's. I snapped a photo and there was a curved line of haze running through it. I liken it to an orb.

[ericasmom]

Bon and Trud, found sisters from our lost tribe.

[ericasmom]

I know Mike smiled on this woman as she shared the stories of her love. thanks for your wonderful heart Carol.

[ericasmom]

We stood around outside for a long while after taking tree photos, and we hung near the bog. Here are Marcia, Colleen, and Bonnie. Yes, I am guilty of calling Marcia- marsha, but now I know it is Mar-c-ah. Pretty name for a pretty lady.

oh and by the way, Marcia and Colleen, thanks for the work you did gathering and bringing the materials you did, and Carol, for the stickers. Wow everyone, WOW!

[ericasmom]

Betsy, I agree, no matter how many folks around us or not, we have to be alone with this somewhat, I do wish however that nobody felt all alone. MaryAnn, I sure wish I could change that. Bets, having moved, you were out there in unfamiliar community. I sure am glad that you found us here. Pam, you too, so much hurt and pain but here you are along with others fairly new to this and working so hard to find the purpose in each day. We do have work to do. It is okay if you do not know what the job is yet, being here is part of it.

 I do need to comment on being in cancer trials, these are not done to use folks as guinea pigs, they are trials, they may or may not work, and one does not have to be in a trial if they choose not to be. It is not true that they put folks without insurance in trials here in America, people do have the choice and very often cannot get in a trial due to conditions of patient or number of people already in it. I know that in some countries socialized meds might not look the way we hope to see good medical practices look, but to have all of our citizens covered-all children, and not keep making the insurance companies RICH beyond belief, is a change we could use here, in my opinion. God bless the people that practice medicine adn do research in the field, may they find the cures to the cancers and heart disease that have claimed the lives of so many here.

Peace my dear friends,

dee

[ericasmom]

Sweet Lynn,

I know that days that reflect the saddest times are difficult to say the least. Kayla, that sweet and beautiful young lady, is with you in all you do. She is the sweet breeze you felt today, and the she is in the tears you let fall. She is the beauty of a flower or a whole field of flowers, and the scent carried on the wind. She is the pink sky i saw tonight, and she is the smile you have sometimes when you remember. Kayla, Kayla, sweet Girl.

Peace,

Dee

[mpsmom]

Hi to all, just got home from foster parenting classes ( we are not allowed to miss any classes ) with a 102 fever, sore throat, I am calling it the 'airline flu" bug.  Felt great all weekend, and the minute I stepped off the plane in Las Vegas my throat felt like it was swelling shut.. .I promise to post some pictures, maybe some different ones, in the next couple days.  Dee I didnt know you also saw a yellow VW bug, very cool with the scattering of light through the picture.     It was so wonderful spending the weekend with everyone, I wonder if the hotel has sorted out where all the extra furniture in my room came from and where the 3 extra ice buckets belong.... Miss you all already and wishing that we could do this more often than once a year...Lynn I dont think I told you how much I love your tattoo and I am glad that your boss liked it as well.  I am off to bed, with lots of blankets and two warm doggies.  

Hugs to all,   Marcia   Bethany's Mom forever

[mikesmomrs]

Kayla, Kayla, Kayla....Lynn, I pray that Kayla filled your heart with only sweet memories of her precious self today, ...so sorry to be late with this...it has been an off and on sleep-filled day for me...I think perhaps Marcia and I have come down with the same thing...airline flu...that's a good name for it, Marcia...there was a guy just looking miserable who was sitting beside me on part of the flight home.  Will post more later today...

love and peace,  carol   mikesmomrs

Trudi, thinking of you in beautiful Honolulu...I know you are bringing joy to those you are meeting...

[heartbeataway]

Betsy,

My camera is a Sony Cyber-shot.  It does seem to take great pictures and video but it also has this 2 second delay that drives me crazy! 

You know what I realized this morning when I was reading the postings?  When I read Marcia's, I heard your voice.  When I read Dee's I heard her voice.  When I read Carol's, I heard her voice .......

How cool is that?

I watched the video I took.  Remember that I just turned my camera on and it has all the "in-between" conversation, etc ..... 

It was funny, at one point I stood in front of it for a few seconds! ;-) Obviously forgetting the camera was there.  And the angle didn't change so it's kind of fun to watch.  Looking forward to seeing more ......

If I'm guilty of spreading my germs and making anyone sick, I am so very sorry!  I tried to be careful.  I even gave you guys hand sanitizer to help.  Forgive me!  I sure hope Trudy did not get sick.  I am so sorry!!  I knew I should have cancelled but I just had to come and meet you guys! 

We are off to New York on Friday.  I really, really want to go but kind of wish it wasn't this weekend.  I could use a little more down time!

Strength for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[ericasmom]

Cool that you heard our voices Bonnie, and I am so glad that you are on the mend. Rest up before NYC>

YOu did not give anyone the bug, as I said, it is rampant here, so many have it, and many go to the doc and get antibiotics but don't get all the way better because the secondary infections; sinus, ear, throat stuff, are born of the virus. The infection clears, but this virus hangs on a longish time.

Marcia, I was with you in the BIG TRUCK with Col at the wheel when we saw the Bug, on our way to not one, but two airports.

Colleen, I loved riding in the TANK, it was comfy, huge, and the captain was a professional. YOu took good care of us and I thank you.

Claudia, you must be getting excited with the wedding coming up. How long will you be stateside?

Love to All,

Mary Ann, how does this day feel to you?

Lynn?

Kat?

Pam?

Loving you and holding you tight.

dee

[4everjoeysmom]

Yeah Betsy! Thanks for pointing that out!! I was quoting you! LOL!! Anyway... you all probably didn't know I used to cuss like a sailor. Still have to catch myself at times... LOL!!

Dee, FIVE glorious weeks!! Three in IL with my family. ! with my handsome and amazing Patrick for his wedding week in NC, and an additional week in NC after--to catch up with my NC family, church, etc. (I lived in NC for 8 years before I moved here.)

LOVE THE PICS of you girls. And Mar-C-Ah will be happy to know that when you visit me here, all the Latin folks will pronounce your name correctly.

Love & Hugs, y'all! ~Claudia