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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Georgina, that story is beautiful, I am crying at the beauty in those words and sentiments. And those Girls! Oh my goodness, such beauty in those two faces. Such pretty eyebrows, dark and expressive...My Girl had eyebrows like those on both girls. I am so proud of you and your Husband to travel outside of your comfort zone in order to celebrate the holidays with the family. And that you had/have signs of James being happy that you did makes it all the more wonderful. Glory. Pure glory. Keep taking very good care of you please.

Parker's Mom, it sounds like Parker really had his share of difficulties with his seizure issues, and sadly, I know the meds don't feel good to most who have seizures. It is hard for teens and young adults to feel compelled to take meds that feel anything but wrong in their systems. Pot helps many with a variety of medical issues and I would have tried that as a helpful aide as well, plus, I loved pot most my life until I developed an allergy to it. I see it as much less harmful than drinking. I am glad that you and your Son had a good talk at thanksgiving, that he enjoyed his time very much and you yours. I am very glad too, that you have felt signs and messages from your Sweet Boy. Good. It is hard I know, we know. Nothing more difficult. NOTHING! Parker sounds like so many other sweeties here, good to others and helping out whomever is at need. God bless that sweet spirit.

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My girl is in heaven

My family have said I took away their right to see my dad die peacefully allow my mom her time and I did not think of my mom at all. They turned my dads death bed into a bar room brawl. Grabbing me, yelling at me, making me leave the room. It was my daughter in that room taking her grandpa to heaven, my daughter, not theirs. They took a precious precious moment with my dad and daughter away from me. A moment I can never get back. The saddest thing is my sister who lives in another province and was not able to be there has been the only support for me, has stuck by me but they must have told her a whopper of a story cause she is choosing their side.  So didn’t just lose my dad but my whole family.  I sat by my dads side too, I sang amazing grace, Jesus loves me, read my favourite bible passage. While he was still awake we talked about Kira a lot how beautiful heaven would be. I am the one who when I told me he has to look after her gave him such peace and a new mission. I did that. He clung onto Kira’s picture and an angel I gave him. I should be happy my dad is no longer suffering and he is with my Kira.  Instead I am just hoping I’m allowed to his service Friday. I know I gave everything to make my dads passing as peaceful as I could. So I am just trying to hold onto that. I will not let them take that away from me.  They have been lousy to me the last six years, but never every thought they had this kind of cruel ness in them. My Kira grabbed my dads frail hands and took him to his new home in heaven. And my dad will look after her like he promised.  Nobody, but nobody will take that away from me. Thanks for all your support. Pray for me that I will get to my dads service Friday. I hope they don’t do anything in front of my boys.  

 

 

 

 

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Oh Georgina, just look at the sweetness of those little beauties! You must be bursting with pride. Enjoy every minute you can with them. They grow up so quickly. I'm really happy to hear you are making progress. Good news all around.

Parker's Mom, what a fine looking man Parker was. It sounds as if he had a heart of gold. Hang on with both hands and know that we are all here for you.

Tina, I really hope that the past couple of days have brought some relief to you as you start another position. How do you find it so far?

LouAnn, I will be thinking of you on Friday as you say your final farewell to your father. Try not to allow these family dynamics to take over from the real issue at play here. Your Mom will need all of the support she can get. Just focus on the fact your Dad is now free of his pain and with Kira. Try to remain calm and say your farewell in peace. We will be thinking of you.

Leah, how are you feeling these last few days? Did you manage to make it to the doctor? These chest infections can really take a toll on you. Hopefully they have given you an antibiotic. Take care of yourself and stay warm.

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Parkers Mom,

Welcome to a place where we share our feelings, pitfalls, crying sessions, and good times.

Parker sounds like a wonderful young man.  My Brian was a bit of a risk-taker, and that eventually led to his death via a vehicle.  

How our children died does not matter here.  We all took different paths to get to the same place.

My Brian was just fun.  He was funny and a wrestler.  He was 82 lbs as a freshman and took 2nd out of 5 boys where the minimum weight was 102.  He was very coordinated and fun to watch. He had a lot of fun in his short life.  He was our family's funny-bone.  We have learned to laugh again, but it is different now.

2018 will be 10 years since I saw my boy.  I seem to be very emotional and I am hoping that subsides.

Thanks for listening

Colleen, Brians Mom forever

 

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Colleen, let your emotions run, they need a way out or they would not be showing up...10 years is a benchmark number, and those benchmarks do hit us differently...they hold that holy-crap number in them, and that alone can make you more emotional.

Louanne, please do not lose sight of the whole thing...your Dad passed and is peaceful now, your Mom will need support, and your siblings???well they are who they are, you can't change them, just as they cannot change you. Let that anger go if you can, it will not be good to take it to the services on Friday. Life will move on and chances are, your siblings will move on without a notice...your Sis who used to support you may reach out but she might not. You will have to figure out what to do with that but not now. Everyone is raw. Let it be for now.

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Parker’s Mom

Colleen, I am so grateful for your response.  And I don’t think it ever goes away.  I read somewhere that you don’t get past it, a dear friend of mine, who lost one of her sons, said you don’t deal with it, I think instead you learn how to carry it with you.  It has been a month as of yesterday.  I re-read the journal I wrote (I have been keeping a journal for many years now) the day after he’d past, only I didn’t know it yet, when I’d written it, and I noticed that he was specifically in my prayers that day...and the next.  I think it is because we love them so much that we grieve so hard, and 10 years is a milestone, but it doesn’t make the pain go away, nothing will ever do that.  I think about Parker every second of every day.  Today I am going to try to think about the beauty he inspired in others, the incredible intelligence he had, that joy he felt.  That feels better to me than the “what if’s” I’ve been carrying around lately.  I wish pray and hope for a good day for you today.

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Bob, what a beautiful Grand-boy you have in Nick. He looks a lot like his Daddy and so your heart must leap each time you see him. I hope that the conviction goes well adn that the folks that did this to your Boy sit in jail for that long long time.

Parker's Mom, grief is lifelong, and we do learn to knit it into our lives, Erica goes where I go...she always will.

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Bob,

What a beautiful tribute to Jake, it's very well done.  I also got a tattoo to commemorate my son's passing and it means a lot to me. I see it all the time and it's a reminder that I carry him with me in everything we do.  As parents we expect to mold our children into what we hope for them, and often we don't realize how much of an impact that child has had on our own life and personality.  When a child passes, we know for certain because of the dent that is left in our soul where we used to carry them close.

Dee,

I feel that too, that Nate is always with me wherever I go. His impact on my life is a source of grief but also of inspiration and hope. He was always on me to be healthier, to eat healthier and to exercise more and I never listened. Now that he's gone I am making those changes and it's become part of my healing process. I get healthier all the time, and the ritual of running that I am doing often now has become my meditation and reflection time to start my days. Most of my running playlists have a song that Nathan liked in them, as a source of energy. I am running a 5k in Chicago for St. Pat's Day and a 10k with my sister the following month. It feels good to know that he's there cheering me on still.

The moon was spectacular on New Years Eve, and the next day my family went to serve dinner at the soup kitchen near our house as has been our tradition since Nathan was young. We all stared up at the moon afterwards as a moment of silence just to hear him laughing among the stars as he so often does.

Louanne,

I am very sorry for your loss and the way you are being treated by your family. It's so hard to lose a parent, and it's felt pretty deeply for you since you also lost Kira and they just can't understand. It must feel very isolating, but I am glad that we are here for you to talk to. I can't imagine the pain you're going through, but I know that you can get through it. Sometimes we have to learn that just because we are related by blood, doesn't mean we have to put up with toxic behaviour and diseased minds.  I've done really well once I have stop talking to certain members who would rather judge and condemn what they don't know rather than try to understand and sympathize.  You simply don't have time for that in your path, it will only trip you up and drag you down.  You do you, and don't let anyone dictate to you what you should feel or how you should act.  Your boys will always hear things that they shouldn't but you raised them and a mother's love is stronger than any gossip or vitriol. Hugs to you in your time of added grief. I am thinking of you.

Parker's Mom,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My son struggled to find his footing for many years as well, and it was a very rough ride. It seemed like things were looking up and he was putting things back together when tragedy struck at only 20 years old. So young, and it's so painful to lose a child so suddenly. All your hopes and dreams for them, and their physical presence just gone in a moment. I am sorry you've had to walk in these shoes that we wear, but I am glad you came here to share with us and I hope we can be a source of comfort to you as we all share our stories. Much love to you in this rough time.

Georgina,

Those curls... you have lovely grandbabies. Thank you for sharing that story, it's beautiful. Glad to see you up to posting and I am hoping that 2018 brings you much health.

Colleen,

10 years is a long time, to me it feels so far away from where I sit at the 1.5 year mark.  I can't even believe it's been a year and a half. As a grieving parent, I feel like time sometimes isn't linear, it's a construct of emotions. Some minutes feel like days and some days flash by in a second. I wish you much joy and peace as you go into 2018.

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parkersmom it is a lifetime of grief but you learn to accomodate it and carry it with you over time. You are still so new to this and i so wish I could just tell you it will be ok it will be easy, but this is a forum powered by truths not the platitudes of people who mean well but dont get it. This is real and raw and honest. Everyone has some different struggles or strategies or stories to tell but we are all united in being bereaved parents. it does not matter how your child passed or how long ago, it just matters, and we try and support each other through the difficult times and the smaller happier times, lifting each other up. Every single child lost matters, every life that was snuffed out too soon is a tragedy. here we can share as much or as little as you want many members just read posts without commenting because their voices and souls are still too choked and by writing the words the reality sets in. Actually the more you write and practise saying the words "my child died or I lost my son/daughter" helps and eventually you will be able to have a short conversation without breaking into tears every time just sometimes. talking therapy is very healing as is writing therapy and some feel safer with the fairly annonymous format there is here. however true friendships are formed as you get to know individuals here and some of our longest members stay because they still want to help others. It is a true community with one sad entry to join. Parker is always with you he is not gone you just cant see him for now, but he is always by your side.Take it a few minutes at a time and a day at a time it is a long journey. I am over 2 years on from the loss of my son and still find the Xmas tree with all the handmade kids decorations and memories attached difficult to deal with. I allow my self time, wrap each one carefully and remember other times which were happier. I cry too but that is ok it is understandable. It will all be put away until the next Xmas and by then you will have come a year further on.

louann I agree with my friends that anger and a feeling of injustice is the wrong thing to take to a memorial or service. You may well have been denied of what you wanted and i do understand that but your fathers death really affected others too. They also are hurting and a bit lost and maybe the family protective shield came up to guard your mum. Your mum had the right to be alone with her husband for a while if she wanted that because she had your dad in her life the longest. Then you and your sister and families and that includes brother in laws. I get how you feel you were denied being there as he passed but just maybe the other family members felt it best to spare your mum the sadness you were showing. Protectiveness is always an act that is meant to show love. Maybe your family felt it would push you emotionally over the edge reminding you of Kira's death. Whatever the reason my dear it is done nothing can be changed so harboring resentment and anger is only going to harm yourself more. Sometimes you have to bow to other people's wishes because it is a compromise between very different personalities and their different desires. My ex husband wanted a burial but the children and I over ruled because we knew what Tommy wanted, he wanted hymns and prayers which none of us wanted because Tommy was so young and not religious so I had to battle to get a hymn and one prayer in for my ex, whom incidentally I loathe, because it is about compromise. I wanted some of Tommy's ashes to scatter locally, and my kids refused so I had to deal with that pain because my relationship with my living children means more to me that my own wants. Not saying that was easy it certainly wasn't and I still feel a bit cheated inside but my kids are happier that way so oh well. We still have not worked out the details of a memorial plaque to be put somewhere close to where I live because we all need some time to think about and agree on a design and place and wording. I know we will all feel differently about this and there will have to be compromises so that we can all feel that we have been heard and considered and that no one feels shut out. That is a tough task for 3 young adults and me to agree on one simple item which holds such importance to us all.

georgina I too had tears welling up at that story thanks for sharing and hope you are ok. You only need to go to James' resting place every day if you want to and are well enough, he is by your side always so he will not mind at all if you cannot always go there. You hold him in your heart which is where he always belonged. Spending special time with family is what James would like best of all for you guys to do I am glad it was so successful and heart warming. Those little girls are adorable!

colleen 10 years is definitely a bench mark but your words about brian and the positive attitude you have is something I strive for, I will beat this demon grief some day.

dee medical uses for pot are always being discovered I hope the UK one day will legalise it and banish the synthetic versions which are killing people regularly. Even though I am a former nurse I definitely advocate it and yes it is much less harmful than alcohol.

bob that photo is just so gorgeous. I am very impressed with the tattoo likeness it is uncanny. What a skilled artist. I still want a tattoo for my Tommy but have not yet found "the right one" I  will know it when I see it and it will be my first inking. Are the guilty persons in prison now? I was under the impression they were free before?

 

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Bob,

what a great tattoo.  Faces can be difficult, but yours is spot on.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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11 days of temps that are very low, tomorrow will match the longest stretch of days like this...At least it is sunny, but oh so cold. A coopers hawk has been hanging out, which is a delight to watch but of course he is here to feed on birds that are at our feeders...oh the dilemna of feeding birds in the winter.

Hope Everyone is doing as well as they can, thinking of you all. Tina, how is the new job?

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Quiet days around here...my last real day of winter break. Pipes burst at school so if they get it fixed, back to school on Monday.

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InHeavensKeeping

Thank you For the lovely comments my precious grand daughters give us purpose make us smile heaven sent without a doubt. They are a couple of beauties xx 

I’m trying so hard to take theses steps I guess it helps that I’m not so ill I feel like I’ve been running on empty for so long now and starting to have a bit more energy which is helping me cope better. 

I so much want Justice for James but the battle is so hard to fight. Every which way We turn we’re stopped and let down by the system and it takes it toll  grinds you down and down to nothing and with the added despair and heart wrenching grief it’s hard to bare. Going over and over every detail is braking me and my husband. I’ve appealed the latest reports and I will keep going but the police are so good at covering their tracks when their in the wrong. Did I tell you our Solicitor who’s helping us got a private detective to look into things. He said the police did an appalling investigation and went from A to G instead of A to Z hard to hear when it’s your beloved child whose been mowed done. 

Thank you for all your support your my family now God Bless Xxx

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My girl is in heaven

Well it’s over. I whispered in my dads ear thank you for looking after Kira and I thought today she was probably showing him all the flowers up there..my dad loved flowers. My mom said to me that at least he wasn’t suffering.  But other than that mostly shunned by family.  The stories continue to grow from my sister who wasn’t there.  Apparently I was hysterically screaming thru myself over my dad and wouldn’t let anyone near him.  My dad didn’t have a peaceful passing because of me. Nobody got to grieve because of me...and it goes on and on and on from there. That is not what happened and my dad died a peaceful death with Kira there taking grandpas frail hands to his new home.  I have had the cruelest things said to me ever.  I knew my dad was gone because if he had of been there he would not have let my brother-in-law physically assault me like that. I cannot believe my dads death bed was turned into a bar room brawl.   I did good by my dad.  I did everything to give him his peace before he died.  I know he is with Kira.  And there is not one thing I would have done different. I am not sure how I’m going to pull myself up from this. As you guys know it is hard enough to live with our grief everyday, getting thru another holiday and Kira’s birthday coming up on 21st.  And now I have to process the loss of my father, and now the loss of my mom and siblings.  Wow I don’t even know where to start with this one. Anyway thank you for all your support. I do appreciate it so much. Sorry I haven’t been in the loop with what u guys are up to. I will have to catch up.  And even knowing that I’m a grieving parent and this would hit me hard and bring back lots of memories, there was no consideration given.  Just cruelty almost beyond imagination.  

 

 

 

 

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My girl is in heaven

THANK YOU TEAM CANADA FOR WINNING FOR MY DAD TONIGHT. HE GAVE ME THE LOVE OF THE GAME. I HOPE HE GOT TO SIT BESIDE JOHNNY BOWER TO WATCH. BOTH CANADA AND HEAVEN ARE PROUD OF YOU TONIGHT.  

 

 

 

 

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Louanne, you will put one foot in front of the other and you will carry on, even in this latest grief...you will because you must and because you are still here for reasons that your Son's could likely point out...you are here, you can grieve your Dad's leaving, cause you will miss him...all else does not matter to this situation. Your siblings were not reaching out to you before, likely they won't now. Your Mom? YOu and she can figure it out if you both want to, but was there already some deep strains there? Either way...there is nothing different you would do you said, so now go forth knowing that you gave your Dad what he needed before he died, and that is what you remember when you wonder how to go on...you gave your Dad what he needed, you would not do it differently, and then move forward. Dad will always love you, he is watching over you alongside your Girl. Smiling on you with the kind of love you feel for them. Sleep now, and know that tomorrow may feel better than today.

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TearsInHeaven

Louanne, you have done all you could for your dad. Your awareness tells you that he is in heaven with Kira and no longer suffering and struggling.   I have read about how anger and resentment often come out upon loss of a close individual.  Sadly, your family are those who turn their grief into anger ---because they do not know how to cope with their loss.  These family members project this anger onto another that manages grief differently and is in the circle of loss. Because you have learned the depth of grief and were not ranting and raving they took you as an accessible target. Unfortunately their verbal  attacks were channeled by their sudden loss. Time will reel this in and they will lose some of this anger.  Probably all of us at one time or another were overcome by the anger of grief, the sadness of grief, the despair of grief.  Do not let their grief bitterness turn inwards to you.  You have made great strides in your grief management. Don't let their bitterness dwell in you and drive you back to profound depression.  I know those things are easier said than done. Channel your grief and sorrow because you have learned how it needs to run its course. Let them manage their grief and hopefully as they experience it in this massive dose they too will learn that the many tentacles of grief can be overwhelming and disparaging....things you have had to face already.  Love your dad, grieve your dad. Keep those visuals of he and Kira together.  Hold on with both hands to that.

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My friends,

Yesterday, Scott and I went to the funeral of a 9 year old girl.  Wow.  She died of cancer.  Scott used to work with the Dad and followed the Caring Bridges page of Alaina....the little girl.

She looked like a sleeping angel in the casket.  I tried to keep it together, but tears stream down my face as I greet the parents and 4 older siblings.  She was the baby.

Both Scott and I had tears when we left.  So hard.

Another angel in heaven.

Colleen, Brians Mom forever

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Colleen, prayers for her family, prayers for all of That sweet Angel's school buddies and teachers, she likely has made a huge dent in Everyone's hearts, and we know what the parents have to go through now, that deep missing, that irrevocable hole that over time, will fill with memories and the promise of forever. I wish your hearts well.

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Colleen, so very sorry to hear about the loss of this sweet little lamb. Her poor family and friends. We all know only too well their anguish. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

LouAnn, we live in a society and part of the world that expects us to behave with a degree of self control. When I see the news about other places in the world and how they weep and wail and beat their chests it is a natural  response. Letting our true emotions out in public is something that many are not comfortable with in this part of the world. We are expected to grieve in the privacy and quietness of our own homes. I remember attending a funeral of over twenty years ago for a young man in his twenties.He was newly married and had taken quite ill for only a few days. When his wife returned from work she found him dead on the bathroom floor. As you could imagine she was devastated. At the funeral we headed out to the grave site to attend the interment. They played Amazing Grace on the bagpipes. We all know how emotional that song can make us. She actually threw herself into the grave on top of his coffin. She wailed and screamed. They had to forcibly remove her from his casket. Unfortunately she was not able to be at the rest of the gathering... as they had to take her to the hospital. She suffered a complete breakdown. I will never forget witnessing her pure and real raw pain as we heard those cries of anguish. Today she is remarried and has two beautiful children. She was able to rebuild her life in time with love, support, and help. Today she is very happy.

Kira and your Dad are gone. You will not see them again in this life. You must hold on to the fact that one day you will be reunited with them when the time is right.  They are now at peace and free of their suffering. Channeling your positive energy into moving ahead with your life is the best way that you can honour them. Focus on all of those warm and beautiful memories that they have left to give you support. Hang on with both hands. As far as the family dynamics...let it go. Move forward. We all grieve differently. 

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Wow such bitter cold for you guys over there in USA and Canada stay safe and warm ok?

Louann it will take some time for everyone to kind of regroup after losing your dad such a painful occasion for everyone involved. remember feelings and emotions run high when under stress and things can be done or said that are hurtful. Hopefully it will all calm down a bit in a few weeks and your family can reconnect and be able to see each other's perspective on what happened. Maybe not. Just remember we are here for you to pour out your anguish to and are able to offer different viewpoints that you may not have considered yet because we are not intimately involved. Sometimes reading posts gives us a different perspective on things. It all takes time. I hope you are doing ok under these circumstances, and am sending you hugs.

colleen so sad a little girl of nine life can be so cruel and we all know the pain her family will be going through. When Ross was in second grade a classmate passed away also from cancer. She had not been able to attend school much because of treatments but the class kept in touch and sent her cards and balloone etc. I was friendly with her Mum and was also the class Mum so I attended the viewing intending to go to the service also. I decided Ross was too young to go and it was my first experience of an American funeral. I only made it to hug the family and then left in tears. I did not realise open caskets were commonplace and to see that little child dressed in her favourite outfit just broke me, so glad ross was not there. I know it is a cultural thing and also depends on religious beliefs sometimes but I have to confess I found it quite shocking. We Brits generally always have closed caskets and no one is allowed to see the body unless family give permission, it is only close fmily who visit. I know Irish wakes are more similar to American ones. The bravery of the family to stand up and accept condolences is amazing I could barely keep myself upright at Tommy's cremation. i did attend a couple other funerals in my time in the USA but still found open caskets a bit disturbing. It must be a British stiff upper lip thing to keep it private I guess. I am not in any way being critical of the way you guys do it, it is just different. in a way it kind of normalises death I am just sharing cultural differences. My parents and kids visited Tommy to say goodbye in the funeral parlour but my brother and sister did not want to and I got that. Even my ex husband chose not to see him. As a family we have only had one close death which was our beloved grandmother over 17yrs ago so we are fairly unused to funerals. My dad has been to loads but I think that is also a generation thing he is 83 yrs old. I do know I still find the sight of coffins on TV disturbing. By all means chime in everyone and let me know your thoughts on the subject, it is good to hear different views.

On a more positive note I have got permission to lay a small memorial plaque for Tommy in my special place in the graveyard overlooking the sea a couple miles away. There are only a couple of spaces left but the vicar agrees that as I was both christened and wed there and had all my kids christened there too that permission is given. It will take me a few months to save for the plaque but I feel it is a positive goal for myself and will feel great to have a named place for me to put flowers. If my kids want to put a plaque somewhere else that feels more right for them in addition, that is fine too, we all have different thoughts and desires but I am so happy. It has taken me over 2yrs to feel able to go ahead with this. Interestingly enough and I believe this is a sign, the church and churchyard featured twice on TV in the last month in two completely different tv dramas, to my astonishment. I have never ever seen the church featured before on tv in my 33 years of living in the UK. I take this as being Tommy saying "That is the right place for me Mum, somewhere just you and I meet". Sorry I am rambling on again, it comes from me rarely leaving my house and interacting with people in the real world, and having too much introspective time on my hands. You guys are a huge support to me and I look forward to reading and participating in posts. Thanks

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Oh Lesley, I am glad for you to have figured out what you want to do as far as a plaque...fabulous. And it is only right that you be allowed the space in the churchyard in a place that your Kids were involved, that you have a history with. Good. I know how good it feels to have made a decision on something so close to your heart.

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My girl is in heaven

Thank you all.  I wish hugs could go through computers. Your right dee, there really wasn’t that much of a family to salvage anyway. We got together for my dads last Christmas. No one will remember or acknowledge Kira. And I have long run out time limit they gave me to grieve.  Unless they lose a child they won’t even try to understand at which time they would be pounding down my door with apologies. I could so easily get dragged down in that hole again with all of this.  But with your encouragement and friendship I think this time I can handle it. I feel that peace and joy of Kira and dad dancing, looking at flowers.  And my dad saying to me see I promised you I would look after her. And that takes away my siblings screaming, my brother in law man handling me, my mother taking there sides ( at least I think she has) and my sisters stories who wasn’t even there. My family seems to think they owned my dad and I didn’t have the right to grieve , but I did grieve in my way and have no regrets.  One thing for sure we wouldn’t have to worry about a repeat of that scene. The joy in heaven drowns them all out.  I have my husband, my boys, and a few good friends and of course you guys my new family.  I am going to try and get up tomorrow with some joy in my heart. I haven’t even cleaned my house up since Boxing Day. Yikes.  Maybe I will go to the cemetery (I wasn’t invited to the burial after the service).  Anyway my grandmother always used to say onward and upward. Thank you all for staying with me thru us. Your support carried me thru.  Love Luanne 

 

 

 

 

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Louanne, I think planning a nice spring garden to honor Kira and your Dad will be a nice way to feel them nearby. We are here, holding your hands and rooting you onward and upward like Grandmom used to say, and you have those people under your roof, and a few good friends, so you have goodness. You have goodness and you have grief, and you can weave those together into your heart and know that there will always be goodness right next to the grief. Brand new day.

 

Kate I appreciate the story about the young widow, the ache and pain and the show of her grief at the funeral, and I so agree that depending on the cultures, folks show their grief differently. I am glad to know that the young woman found her way, built a new way to live and found joy again in the ashes. Thank you for sharing this.

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tobyfreefoot

Colleen so sad to hear about the little girl. I wouldn't have been able to keep it together at all. I can't believe you are hitting 10 years. Ugh I am sorry.

I know it doesn't make any difference really but Jan 3 was 6.5 years since forest left me. It is hard to imagine and I guess these milestones are just another day but still it sucks. Our family is getting it back together a little bit now too but like you said it just isn't the same.

It is what it is i guess. I feel that my beautiful family was shattered and now we have pieced it back together the best we can. I am surviving and life goes on but under it all my heart is forever broken. Here is a picture of me with my youngest grandee Preston. 

Georgina your little grandbabies are precious!

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Gretchen, the love in your arms around Preston, his head on your shoulder shows that through it all, there is love. Forest is right there, joining in that hug, and how I wish it could be the way he used to hug you, but it a spiritual hug and a constant love. And it does matter, those half year marks as well as the full year marks, as well as just a day that feels particularly out of step...life changed all at once one day, and ones balance is never the same.

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To you Gretchen, and to All, I was touched by Gretchen's photo here, that sense of being off-kilter from all that we travel-

We fall

 

I tripped again and fell,

On that invisible item that sometimes just falls before my steps,

that moment in time that sucked the air of my lungs,

that moment that stole balance from our lives,

and we lose our bearings at times without any notice, we trip again, and fall,

just as there was no notice to that time that would stand us still in our drop-jawed screams.

Except for those 4 dreams of course,

those tiny hints of terror that hinted at an upcoming grief,

but few took my retelling seriously,

and even I tried to sweep them away under the sunshine’s guise,

the trickery of a summer day.

But I trip again, and I will again, again...and fall,

from that moment in time that sucked the air from my lungs.

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dee you have a gift with words always knowing the right things to say with an accuracy and perception that is so welcomed. I fall too but never as far as I have in the past tripped up by memories or the cloud of depression that is always in my life. I am excited to be able to plan my plaque at last I just was not ready to face that before, still too fragile, and realise it is ok for me to do something that is just right for me, marking our special place.

bob the wheels of justice grind very slowly and in a murder enquiry the police really have to have all the evidence and make it watertight so they can get a conviction and a justified serious sentence passed. Nick looks adorable. I understand it is too hard to visit him because you would have to be around those guilty of his father's murder so I hope your ex keeps you in the loop and shares photos with you. It is a potentially dangerous position to put herself in but Nick is her son's child and innocent. Babies and grandbabies can really lift a grieving heart that is for sure. It is great you are trying to figure out the best living arrangements for him but I guess a judge will be in the deciding seat for that. it would be wonderful if you could still be in his life you are part of his history.

louanne yes you can handle it better now because you have come so far in a fairly short time frame and I can sense you are much stronger even if you cannot always feel it. Visiting your dad in the churchyard can be in your control and timeframe and be an opportunity for you to tell him all you want. I love dee's idea of a spring garden especially as he loved flowers, a living colourful memorial to both him and Kira.

gretchen the love in that precious photo shines through clearly. Forrest is always with you sharing in your life experiences invisibly, he never left. I know that desperate desire to hug my son physically again, hear his voice and his laugh to physically feel him in my arms but i accept I have to be patient for that day to come. I echo your words that sum it up so well.

11 hours ago, tobyfreefoot said:

It is what it is i guess. I feel that my beautiful family was shattered and now we have pieced it back together the best we can. I am surviving and life goes on but under it all my heart is forever broken.

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I got some meds and am on the upward climb again.  It has taken a lot out of me to stay focused on getting Sena settled into school and all the meetings Social Services has had for me.  They still don't know what they are doing.  I have a slug of paperwork that is on hold until the 19th.  There is a guardianship court day on the 18th, and if all goes well I will have complete care of her.  

My daughter took a plea deal and the judge dropped her felony to a misdemeanor.  I have mixed emotions.  She will have 3 years supervised probation and if further arrests are made she will serve 1 year in jail.   Now she tells me she wants to fight to get her kids back.  I told her I will fight to keep Sena here until at least May.. I am to tired out to keep doing this fighting.

My thoughts are with you all.. Louanne.. Dianne .. Georgina .. Tina...  Dee....  Kate.. Sherry.. Susan.. Gretchen..Colleen.. Bob... Parker's Mom...   Lesley..  anybody I forgot.. I apologize..  hopefully as I feel better I will keep in contact more..  Take care of yourselves.. its hard..   thank you for all your thoughts and prayers

Leah

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Bob, I love that you are clear thinking as to what would be best for Nick...good for you and I am glad that you are not hanging out around those that seem to value little.

Thanks Lesley for your complimentary words...some days my thoughts come out in poem form.

Leah, goodness knows you were dreading winter...it has been a rough one on you this year...now fingers crossed and prayers sent, that you get stronger each day and that you and Sena can spend some great calm and peaceful time together. I would have mixed emotions too, about your Girl getting her felony dropped...you need Sena to feel peace in her life, and it doesn't sound like your Daughter knows how to have that.

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tobyfreefoot

Dee your poem was lovely. 

I only have network television and I swear every show on it is about murder and autopsies. My husband has asbergers and spends hours and hours in front of the television as he has trouble with real life relationships so I get subjected to lots of it. Those shows just seem unending. I'm pretty good at just blocking it out but someday it really gets under my skin. Luckily for me forest did not have an autopsy but Andrew, Joshua and ashlie did as many of your children did and it just bothers me that it is splashed all over the TV for entertainment. 

Ok didn't mean to complain but no one else understands my aversion to it. Night night guys-love you

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Well heck Gretchen, that would get under a lot of peoples' skin...plus with so much cold it isn't like you can get out for a walk if it is below zero. Due to the weather and being home from school for two weeks, I did watch a ton of news, too much in fact, and I get so infuriated but also anxious...there are a lot of folks in charge of things that don't have common sense...that is a problem. Oh well, back to school tomorrow and here's to hoping that the Kids find some joy in our return...Glad you liked the poem. Are you still creating your fabulous paintings?

 

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My girl is in heaven

You guys are right my dad would love a garden in the spring. I know I wouldn’t  be allow to at the cemetery but can in my own back yard. I’m still a little dumb struck, whoosy kinda at the events that just unfolded. How could someone say to  me  my. Dad could not die peacefully because of me. Especially to someone who has buried a child.  That’s is a horribly cruel thing to say to anyone. But I think it a lot higher power than anyone in my family who decided if my dad had a peaceful passing.  And I am totally convinced he did. None of thier yelling and assaulting me kept my Kira from taking grandpa home.  Well dee you said one foot in front of the other so away I go.  It’s going to start slow and take awhile to get these thoughts out on my head but I will.  I have my phone number changed and will change my email.  My husband won’t leave me home by myself so I feel pretty safe.

 

anyway Lesley when is your surgery  do you have home care in place or someone to help you.  I so wish I lived close enough to come help. 

Leah.  I am so sorry for all the fighting you have had to do and hopefully authorities will see that Sena is best with you.  What happens to the little brother, is he still in care. R u able to fight for custody of him too.  All of this physically and mentally exhausting for you. Please get some rest when u are able. 

Gretchen. 6.5 years is important your angel date is 2011; the same as mine. Look how peaceful and safe Preston looks cuddling up to granny. Sadly you are right that underneath is always that broken heart. But we have to let the light shine thru that even once in n awhile. 

Kate your story about the young widow was exactly my point. We are allowed to express our grief however we need to. There is no wrong way unless your physically hurting someone.  All of this has certainly made my husband and I think how we do not want open casket or any family but our boys present.  Wow certainly a good old fashioned Canadian winter eh.

 

 

 

 

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leah you are really being tested having won the fight to give sena the home stability and then hearing your daughter is trying for custody. If there is a hearing which there should be the court should take all the circumstances into consideration and see where the best place is for Sena which is with you. You will offer her love stability and she will be safe from the worries of being responsible for an addicted parent. She has already been through so much and is old enough to make her voice heard but what a hard decision to choose her mum or her grandmum poor love. And for you being in the middle of it all possibly having to go up against your daughter. I so hope it all works out for the best for everyone. Glad your health is better.

gretchen I can totally see your aversion to autopsy shows. Sometimes it is for the general public to understand the process but maybe there are some who see it as entertainment. Autopsies are a matter of course for any unexplained death or to diagnose the cause. My daughter has had to attend two in the job she does as a pathology lab technician and she was very impressed with the professionalism courtesy and respect that is shown throughout as if the person was still living. The technicians are very aware that is somebody's loved one and take great care to keep that person covered up decently and make the sutures as invisible as possible so the person is left looking as best they can. My Tommy had an autopsy and it was a real part of my healing to know the details of his injuries etc on paper so my imagination was halted. I know that detail is not right for everyone. He looked untouched when we saw him, very peaceful. 

louann glad you are taking some time to gather yourself. This anger against your family may slowly ebb away and I hope you can all move forward and make some peace. We know how short life can be, but if it really is better for you to cut ties then so be it. You will know what is right inside you and remember that decisions can always be reversed at a later date, vows made in distress and anger can be changed. making a garden in spring would be a lovely tribute. My surgery has been postponed until jan 25th but there is a flu outbreak and no beds in the hospital so it may be delayed again. I dont mind other people need the bed more than me so it will be ok. I will live with my parents for a few weeks as i will be very dependent on help with everything and no driving for poss 12 weeks. My aunt is doing ok getting some of her feisty nature back which is a good sign but refusing help or aids in the house which would only help her. She is very stubborn. i visit often to entertain her as she is pretty much housebound and cannot drive either.

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My girl is in heaven

Thanks, I’m pretty sure this is it for my family.  You can have disagreements about things, but especially a man physically assaulting a woman in a hospital where someone is dying and someone saying you prevented someone from having a peaceful death.  And I know I will never get an apology from them. But those things cut about as deep as it gets. There’s just no getting over those things.  They went too far this time.  My mom has four other children who I know will look after her very well and I know she will be very happy to have them. Like I said I did right by my dad before during and after his death.  And I know Kira took grandpa by the hands despite all the ruckus.  The sounds of the angels singing drowned that all out.  

Hey tina.  How you liking the new job.  I’m sorry, I wanted to be there for you for your first Christmas but I had to drop out for a bit.  I hope this job will be like a new beginning for you. You have come so far.  

 

Oh dear still have Christmas decorations up and house in bad shape of cleaning.  But I’m sure it will still be there tomorrow.  Have a nice evening everyone. And thanks again for your tremendous support. 

 

 

 

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tobyfreefoot

i do understand how an autopsy could be very helpful. i really don't know Forest's injuries. I was not allowed to see him for 3 days and then only with his face covered. i played many horrible scenarios through my mind. i just don't know why there are soo many of these csi ncis special unit shows. everyone of them shows bodies on slabs being autopsied. i don't think it is necessary but people love them. i really am not into the whole thing. i would rather watch something else but network tv is very limited and my husband always has it on with those shows running. bleah

 

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Thank you for the positive thoughts Dee, Louanne  Lesley....   I know the kids are the most important consideration right now.  It is so very hard on Sena ..  She has told me her concerns of choosing here rather than staying closer to her mom.  I try to tell her, that mom is free to come visit or call...   I am only trying to get her life started .. come March at the magic age of 16 they await the next step of 18 and my little girl isn't ready, no matter how much she thinks she is.  She has crushes as other teens...   she tries to act sophisticated.. but the little girl sneaks out more than she realizes.   I am so glad to have her here with me...  she hugs me when she leaves for school.. when she comes home.. when she goes to bed..  she hugs me for no reason whatsoever except that she finally has her affection back that she has been lacking.  I think the touch is important to her.  I learned with my son he didn't like the touching after a certain age.. it is ok once in awhile.. and I am the only one that gets by with it.. but Sena is the exact opposite.   We sit and watch tv and she cuddles up..  and I see that 3 year old baby from the accident.. the one that still holds her hair and the thumb goes in her mouth.  Don't know how to break of that habit.. we had her done with it for awhile when she was younger.. but I see it again and I don't want to yell at her a lot..   sometimes I call it to her attention...  hey kiddo.. what is that thing doing in your mouth??  and she smiles.. and takes it out.. but minutes later it is back in...   I love her so much..  she is working hard in school and her bitterness over school is starting to disappear.. for her I know I have done right.

Her brother though.. I fear I will lose.   He is still being taken care of by his old foster family and they are planning on taking on guardianship.  I have made my wishes known that I would love to have him with me.  But.. I don't think they will even entertain the thought... so I have to be happy with the phone calls..  I will visit him again on the 18th..  hopefully our weather will settle down for travel.  I still hate the trip back there...   I think sometimes I am the only one who remembers the spot of the accident.  I would love to get it out of my mind when we go through.. but I have a panic attack.. dumb.. but it is still there.  Dee.. you are so right..  I wasn't looking forward to the winter.. it just plays hard on my lungs.. and my heart 

 

Louanne..   I am thinking of you hoping that your pain eases.  It is really hard to lose a parent.. Even when we know it is coming.. and we are older...   it still stings..  I know I take comfort knowing JaBoa is with her grandparents.. they were so close.

I hope everybody is staying healthy.. the cold gets tough on the body..   we are expecting another drop in the temps..  hopefully we don't get into the way below zero again.. Not the way we were...  just can't stand that.. but guess we have no control of it :-)  

Thanks again for being here.. for sharing your hearts and most of all for sharing your angels..   You are all in my heart

 

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i am not surprised sena still sucks her thumb she has been through so much in her young life and had to find some self comfort when she was scared and alone and the habit still helps her. That will change in time once she has stability and is able to self care her emotional health. The problems with her mum have already caused her damage and being separated from her brother too  besides the accident when you lost Jboa too, what a lot she has suffered bless her. I so wish I had a magic wand and be able to change all you are going through and facing Leah but I can't I'm sorry. I think you are incredibly strong though and you will work this through step by step. Nothing is always set in stone some things or situations can change. keep hope inside you.

I have been in contact with Rainie, Ronnie and Rocky's mum recently, and I hope she will make it back to the group. She has been through a lot and I guess just kinda dropped out of sight for a bit to regain herself. i told her she was missed.

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Leah glad you have Sena with you. Good for both of you. Cuddling up with her must feel really good. 

Working on a little art. Trying to keep my spirits up. Don't know why it is so hard. I have always been depressed but rarely felt lonely. Always had so much creative energy. Seems to not be as strong as it use to be. Spend a fair amount of time laying in bed doing nothing. Have to find some kind of purpose in life...

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HELLO ....TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Parkersmom----I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear son, Parker.  This is

a good site to come to because everyone understands the sorrow of losing

a beloved child.  Sometimes, just having others who truly understand, can

help on this rough journey that no parent ever wants to be on.  Peace to you.

LouAnn----Oh,....friend...I'm sorry for you in this time of extreme sorrow in

the death of your dear father.  And, also sorry for the way your family is treating

you. Emotions run high in such times, and your dear heart is already broken with

pain in losing Kira.  Deaths and funerals are so difficult after the devastating loss

of a child.  Your plans for a spring garden in honor of your Kira, and your father is

such a nice thing to do.  They are together now, and will love the flowers that bloom

in your garden for them.   Thoughts & prayers.

 

Dee-----Glad we finally got a break in the frigid weather.  I, too, spent too much time

seeing news programs over the holidays and bad weather.   I guess that when we

 are  housebound we naturally gravitate to what's on the tube.  I got burned out on all

of it and went to my taped videos to watch some Clint Eastwood Westerns.....my favorites.:D

 

Georgina-----thanks for the pics of those two darling little granddaughters.  They

are beautiful babies. also, thanks for the heartfelt writing.  It is true, and inspiring.

Bob----thank you for the pics of your little Nick, and tattoo. Glad for justice for your son.

 

Kate-----Hope your weather is giving you a bit of a break.....even if it's a short break.:mellow:

Lesley-----So nice that you have gotten permission for the lovely plaque to honor Tommy....

and such a beautiful place to lay it......overlooking the sea. Tommy will be surely smiling down.

Colleen-----Prayers for the family of the little girl who passed recently.  Bless her little white soul.

 

Gretchen----Such a lovely picture....thanks for posting it.

Leah-----Will pray hard for you to be able to keep Sena with you.  She will always know that you

are there for her in this difficult time in her life.....the teen years.  Also, will pray for her brother.

So glad that you & Sena are so close.  Grandmothers are a source of love and stability to kids.

My own beloved Gram was such a comfort to me as a child. She was born in 1900, so has been

gone a long time, but the memories are still there.  Sena will always know you were there for her. Peace.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry  

 

 

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My girl is in heaven

Thanks Sherry.  One would think after you had lost a child people might be a little bit caring for your heart that is still broken, when you lose someone else. I appreciate your comfort.  I just will not let all the hard work I’ve done up til now be all washed away by this.  I’m very confident in my mind I did right by my dad before, during and after his death. And he is with Kira.  Nobody can take that away. I bet your getting a wallop of snow there too.  Supposed to be milder here tomorrow and maybe freezing rain.  

 

Gretchen.  I know that feeling of just lying in bed with no will to get up.  I did that for 3-4 months last winter and it is a horrible feeling. I didn’t care about anything. My heart and soul were torn up.  Nothing but despair and family and friends who had decided my grieving time was up and I should be “over it” and would not be there for me. My child’s angel date is only a few weeks before Forests so I know the time frame your dealing with.  Please, please my friend don’t just lay there and let the grief consume you.....because it will eventually.  I don’t think I know about your other children and grandchildren other than Preston.  I’d love to hear about them.  R u the artist lady I recall.  I would love to see your artwork, I can’t draw a stick person.  Do anything you have to to put that one foot in front of the other and you go. My heart just breaks to think of you just laying there everyday.  We will beat this grief, all of us will together. Our hearts will always be broken but we must show our other children there can be some light come in again.  If you want a call or you want to email, let me know my friend.  I will be there always.  

Susan.  How is the surgery/recovery going . Let us know if u are able. Thoughts and prayers for you.  

Becky and Georgina.  How r things  going with your health. Let us know if you can, 

 

Tina.  How is the new job.  Hope u are enjoying it. 

glad u will have health coverage now.  How’s Grayson doing.

 

Dee and Dianne.  So u guys live close together.  Bet your getting lots of snow.  Go black hawks. I’ve always loved that team. One of the six original. 

Kate. Sorry I’ve been tied up in my mess for awhile.  Did u get to Calgary for Christmas. Bet the little dollies were so excited. As much as I look out side and complain about the snow everyday I always “I bet Kate has it worse”.  How is Ross doing, eyes better now.  

Laurie, Colleen and devianz, what’s up with you guys.  U all live in snow states.  The only one I know is warm is Susan in Texas.

lesley..thanks for your support.  Glad to hear Rainey might be coming back .  I hope so. Such a lovely lady.  

Leah, glad things are looking a little better for you and you have your dear Sena back.

sorry for anybody I missed. I feel kinda guilty I’ve been whining about my situation of the last few weeks.  Sorry if I was too needy but you guys always get, always.  

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Hi Louanne,

no snow and if fact spring like winds are whipping up tonight and it is currently 51 degrees outside. Ridiculous. How can the nation's leaders deny climate change...my third graders get it. This is supposed to be winter and while many enjoy these warmer temps, the fact remains that the world is in trouble, these temps are not the norm and lack of snow is a bad thing. Today the floods that hit california after the fires raged there have caused heartache and mayhem...the earth is telling us a lot and we must listen. Those in charge must listen. Sorry, went off on a tangent. These are my thoughts tonight as springlike temps not 6 days after subzero temps. Not normal at all.

Gretchen, I am sorry taht you are feeling lonely, I do think though, that when you are in a slump like this, or when we get in slumps like yours, that you are on the verge of finding some new thing to direct you. I think we get down real low before we can climb out again. And so I am hoping that you can find your purpose or purposes and feel more yourself again.

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not up to writing a lot.  I dprnt most of the night in the hospital..   It was  niht of pain...   I have to see the surgeon tomorrow..for gal bladder ..  I have to get it done asap.   not sure shen I will get the surgery..   soon as i can.  I  just don[t feel well...  will write more when I can.. peace to all

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Oh crap Leah, I am so sorry that you are ill again or still. Goodness knows that the doctors need to look deeply into this pain and yes, do the surgery if that is what is warranted. I hate for you to be ill, but if it is gal bladder, you must get it taken care of now. Infections could settle in there and you will be in worse shape. Is there anyone at home to be with Sena? I wish I could come help out.

 

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TearsInHeaven

Leah, so sorry to hear about more health issues for you.  You just have been on such an out of control train with your health and all you have had to face. I hope this gallbladder surgery is done soon and your recovery is good.  Like Dee, if I were close I would be happy to help out with Sena. God be with you.

Lesley, getting that plaque in place for Tommy will be such a good thing...a place to center yourself with him.  

Luanne, so pleased that while the grief and anguish you have had to face with the loss of your dad and your family's acting out so harshly you are keeping yourself and your forward progress in tact.  You have come a long way.  I believe that both Kira and your dad are letting you know that they have each other . So those Blackhawks.... score 8 goals in one night and the next night can only score 1. Thought they had a wake up call looking at the standing.  Which Canadian team is yours? That way when we watch them play the Hawks I will know you are watching and we will have a connection.

Tina hope the job is going well....Susan hope your health is on the mend.

If it was not raining today I would be in 7th heaven.  It is currently 56 degrees out and all the snow is gone.  Compared to two weeks of 0 or below this is great....short lived though over the weekend.   I spent this week trying to help my cousin with her thankyou cards from the funeral.  It really hits you when you physically see someone in that early stage of loss.  She has always been so stoic with everything and now I see her being confused and unable to focus. She is close to 10 years older than me and has some lung issues so I have concerns about the toll being taken on her.  Her son was 51, never married, no kids so there are no other family members for him. It has been more difficult than I thought and I am trying very hard to offer the right support.

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Weather is 54 F in Wisconsin.  Wow.  Mother Nature is teasing us.  This weekend back below freezing.  In the 20's.

Colleen,  Brian's Mom forever

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gretchen I am sorry you feel low and lonely. Just know some of that is the winter blues when no one is outside more than they have to be, the days are short and the dark is long and everyone seems to kind of hibernate at home keeping warm. When the spring comes and it will only be a few weeks away I hope your spirits rise.

leah oh no gallbladder pain is awful but they try and wait for the inflammation to go down a bit before surgery. Hopefully they will keep you medicated and more comfortable and the surgery comes soon. Poor Sena must be worried for you too. Keep us informed and be safe ok?

tina hope the new job is going well and you are doing ok as you have had such a hard time financially and emotionally. Let us know how things are progressing?

dianne I am sure it is difficult dealing with someone you care about who is lost in the early days and in such  emotional pain. I have not heard anything from my friend (mikey's mum) since the end of nov so I know she is probably not doing well either. Those of us who are at a later stage can heave a sigh of relief that some of that raw anguish and emotional roller coaster is a bit further behind us although those memories will not ever be forgotten. I see that although I still have bad days I seem to sink less and recover faster than I used to so that is progress.

colleen glad its a bit warmer. We have had 2 gorgeous days and I was able to go out in stages and cut my small lawn and do a bit of weeding. Felt soooo good to feel fresh air on my face after being in the house with the heat on for days. It won't last I think there is more stormy weather to come but it was a brief glimpse of the coming Springtime which I yearn for.

I was reminded of that story "Going on a bear hunt" the other day. It struck me that story is very like grief because you can't go over it, you can't go under it, you can't go round it, you have got to go through it. We all have to trudge through grief with its ever changing faces to get through to the other side which seems an impossible distance to travel, no end in sight. There is no app for grief although books and blogs are good resources, you just have to slog away one foot in front of the other and keep on going even when you feel like giving up or that it is impossible to ever feel a semblance of normal again let alone any happiness.

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Dee----I agree with you about the global warming ....it's a real worry.  Problem is, that those

who are in charge will not recognize it, and keep denying it.....because other interests comes first.

It is almost 60 degrees here today, but is supposed to turn into freezing rain, and back in the

deep freeze over the weekend.  Our cat is so mixed up because its warm enough one day, too

cold the next for her to go outside.  She is very picky about the weather. ;)   

She takes to the couch when it's freezing out.

 

LouAnn----I agree that when you plant your flower garden for Kira and your dad, that when the flowers

bloom, it will warm your heart to know they are smiling down on the garden planted just for them.  Yes,

one would think that people would be more considerate about the feelings of a person who had lost

their child, especially at the highly emotional time of a funeral for another loved one. Too many times,

others feel that they get to decide when its time for the grieving parent to "get over it".  Of course, we

know that this it is a frivolous  idea.  We all must move along on this lousy journey at our individual pace,

and just ignore others who think that they know better.  Also,  others do not get to decide whether your dad,

who has passed, can or cannot die in peace.  That is out of their hands.  Your dad surely felt your presence

with him,  when he crossed over.  Keep thinking positively....as much as you are able.....give yourself the

time that you need to mourn.  Peace to you.

 

Gretchen-----Yes,..I agree that the grief journey can be a lonely place at times.  Hoping you'll be feeling better soon.

Lesley-----thanks for the story of going on a bear hunt, and how it is something like grief. There's no escaping the grief

by going around, under or over it......we must go through it. Not easy...that's for sure.  The hardest thing anyone can do.

 

Dianne-----Feeling so sorry for your friend who lost her son.   It's very kind of you to help with all the details before and

after the funeral.  It will relieve your friend from the details that she may not be able to do herself.  Sending prayers.

 

Leah-----Oh, sorry to hear that you need to get surgery.  I hope it is taken care of soon. It is very painful, leading up

to the gall bladder surgery... (I had it a few years ago.)   Will be praying for your surgery and recovery,  Take care. 

WISHING    PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY  TO   ALL. 

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

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My girl is in heaven

Colleen.  I guess I should know what your weather is like, just what is on the young and restless right.  Seems like we are all getting crazy weather this year.  Think dee is right, the world is trying to tell us something.  When I was a kid (my boys love it when I say that lol)  there was sky high snow from November to April. 

Lesley. No matter how mild it gets here I know weeding and cutting grass won’t be back til may.  I love your post not until you lose a child......  that is so right.  After six years though I can’t decide to be royally pissed off at those other people, feel sorry that they have such little kindness or compassion for another human being or just feel glad for them they don’t know first hand what it feels like.  Which way do you guys think about the unbereaved.?

Dianne.  Thanks for your support. Toronto maple leafs are closest to me so I probably see thier games more than any. But I am such a hockey junky I watch every minute of every team in the league I can.  I don’t like L A though and I have a hard time picturing teams that have palm trees instead of snow . But give me an nhl any team and I’ll watch it.  I live 25 min from Brantford where Wayne Gretzky is from but he is the only player who I have ever and still don’t like.  His dad is a real class act though, going to hospital , kids hockey banquets,  truly a great down to earth guy. Jake Muzzin  (LA) is from Woodstock here and just built a nice new house here. Why when you could afford to build a house anywhere you would pick Woodstock Ontario. Guess cause his family his here. Some nights I can watch hockey from 730 til midnight with the games in different time zones. I’m always calling my cable company complaining if they aren’t showing a game. They probably draw straws to see who has to talk to me this time.  I think I get most of the black hawks games so you can probably be sure if there is one on I’ll be watching.  Kate will be watching the Winnipeg jets games. 

Well I guess getting back to my “normal crappy life” won’t happen quite as easily as I thought. It is still hard to know I will not hear my dads voice again, but I will always here those of my family yelling at me.  I still keep thinking how can you treat someone who has already suffered such a horrible loss like that.  I know it is over and done and I have to move on but I must say it would be much easier to just give up even the few inches of progress I’ve  made and let it all fall in again. I was so so sure this time who would be there for me.  

Lesley you are so right .....”you just have to slog away one foot in front of another and keep on going even when you feel like giving up or that it is impossible to ever feel a semblance of  normal again let alone any happiness”. That is just truly what it is all about for us.  There is a local paper that comes every Thursday night . I only look at the grocery ads as I don’t want to see any news about weddings or babies or anything but I know my dads obit. Is in there so I read it tonight.  He is with my Kira, right you guys?  Kira finally has someone with her.  Please tell me they are together. Oh dear I hope I can get past this but I just feel like the grief is tugging so hard on me again.  

Have a good night everyone.

 

 

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TearsInHeaven

Ok Luanne, we'll be watching those games together!  I can feel the connection already and including Kate with the Winnipeg Jets....

And DON'T give up and slip back on your progress. You are doing well and to give up is just to give in to those who don't know any better. Your boys, your husband they are there for you and know that feeling of loss but they have you covered.....Everyone of us is pulling for you. 

Lesley, you are right.  I guess looking at my cousin and seeing her in that state  just makes me remember those raw, early days where you didn't know who are where you were.  I too have a long way to go, I still wake up with the first thought of Michael being DEAD. No sugarcoating for me.  I cry some everyday still and cannot always mention his name without tears (like now)  but I agree with you that I do seem to recover faster from those times. Sherry,  thanks for your prayers.  This is actually my cousin--the only family member (other than my husband, daughter, granddaughter) who I am close to.  Her mother and my mother were sisters.  We were not to close growing up because of the age difference but as adults we grew close. She has a sister and I have a brother  and we often say that the wrong  matches were done at birth.

I too worry about global warming as well as all of the regulations that are being rolled back in the name of progress.  Our water, our air, our soil.... It is frightening. The free-ager in me is showing.

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