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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Thank you all for the kind words.  I visited shelbys grave today for the first time.  Was so difficult words cannot explain.  I bought flowers weeks ago but kept finding excuses not to go but i felt it was something I had to do.  I hope you all find comfort during the holidays. .

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Sandy, it is good to see you and to know that you are out there finding your way...I am sending hope and strength and hugs.

Mamabear, glad that you found us, and sad too, that you needed to, but we are all holding your hands as you lean in here. Going to the cemetery is a very overwhelming event, at first I went weekly, then more like monthly. Now I go every three months or so. Sometimes I stay for a while, other times I just kiss Erica's stone and leave, still others, I go see her stone, leave some flowers and take  a walk around the cemetery, reading names and looking for angels, stone angels. I like to take photos of the carved angels.

'Dianne, your words are so RIGHT-ON when it comes to being traumatized and unsure of oneself in those most confusing times in grief. About holding down one's emotions to just get through the times rather than learn to allow these emotions in order to live again.

Louanne, love the antlers on the kitty, and yes, Kira is laughing at the sight...how nice that you shared this with her and with all of us. I do feel that you took a step in talking down that voice that says NO to you...you took charge and bought the antlers and brought joy to many...most importantly, a smile on your face.

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TearsInHeaven

Luanne, what a big step with the antlers. Good for you.  It is the little things that help draw us forward.  You bought those antlers and SHARED that POSITIVE with Kira and you know you heard her laugh and it was good.  You shared the picture with Aaron and he laughed. And you shared this with us!  You are right that was a step forward.  Just like that day you and your husband took a walk by the water or the day you heard him laugh out loud.  Kira is and always will be in your heart. Sharing little things, good things will make you both closer.  All of us in this journey will always have grief.  You heard the term "Good Grief"..... well there is nothing "GOOD" about it....at least from what I have experienced.  But, it does take a lot of work and sometimes a lot of tears but we will learn, learn to weave a different life, one that one day brings us optimism and peace of mind.  One that lets us treasure all of our family, those physically with us and our angels in heaven. We will always miss them and grieve for them but we will learn that we can also share with them the small stepping stones, the big milestones, the occasional setbacks, and the triumphs of our physical family and ourselves.  One step at a time even making the backward steps count.

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I am about to go out in the wonderful white snow, falling for a few hours now, tiny flakes, covering rooftops, I will take my Girl with me, writing her name in the snow as I always do with a new snowfall, and I will take all of your Angels too, letting them lead me into the beautiful day, thanking them for having made our lives that much more special with their love in them, and our hearts, that much more full.

Peace on this Christmas Eve, and if peace is hard to come by, I get it, but then...Peace one day.

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My girl is in heaven

Thank you all for your kind words about Lilly’s picture. It was a small thing and yes Christmasy but I’m ok that I did it.  Everybody thinks it is so cute, except my husband of course who doesn’t like cats. Sandy thank u for sharing your story with me.  I’m so sorry you lost your girl.  U have some good advice and seem to be in a good place right now.  I can’t stop thinking about those three little kiddies who lost their mom. That is beyond sad.  Well here goes life again saying “time for change again” whether I want it or not.  My boys will be home for one day but r bringing  girlfriends ( which I’m pleased about) this year.  I was just thinking, they know of Kira but they never knew her, our big beautiful house, they don’t know we had a full life with jobs, friends, family.  They don’t know I us d to have a beautifully decorated house at Christmas. They don’t know any of that.  They only know what they see right now in front of them.  I thought they will understand why there is no joy here. But then again they are young girls in their 20s. They have never experienced being a mom yet. It would be unfair of me to expect them to know how we feel.  So, how do I act, what do I do. Yes we are your boyfriends parents but...  I guess it is up to me to set the tone.  Yes we are glad to meet them, house has a few decorations but not much.  I certainly can’t pretend to be the person I was for years but I guess I don’t want them to see all of my doom and gloom either. This is a new family dynamic starting. The boys will get married and probably have kids someday.  And as much as I hate change and I just want everything back the way it as when Kira Was here, that just isn’t going to happen,  once again I am forced to deal with a change here.  Same as we all know this will be my dads last Christmas and we all know my mom will have to sell the house and move to an apartment.  So this will be the last Christmas in that house for everyone.  My great grandparents were killed in a car accident while vacationing in Florida in 1959 and my mom and dad have lived there ever since.  So for me I have had Christmas there in the same house for 56 years. So understandably my parents are having a rough time right now as tomorrow will be the end of Christmas in their house of 58 years.  So more change that I don’t want.  I’m sure my dad will be crying and my sister has suggested maybe we should only stay a few hours.  I am learning change is inevitable and as much as I dig in my heels and try to hold on, change just marches on anyway.  So I have to sit here tonight and decide how do I start a new life for my boys and their girlfriends. I need to show my boys it is ok for them to be happy again. I need to find the strength of going to my mom and dads for our last Christmas. To be strong enough to not lose it in front of them.  To not get mired in the flood of memories that house holds, both good and bad, and accept this is part of life too.  I need to let my boys experience all the joys ahead that life holds for them.  I realize now that I can’t expect them to stop living life to the fullest as I have done.  Changes.... I never liked changes. 

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Luanne, I am with you in spirit and prayer. I am holding your hand as are our girls. You can do this. You will find your way. 

Peace and love

Tina

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My girl is in heaven

Dianne ... lovely post.  It says it all.  Who is that in the picture. Is that your Michael?

Tina.  Thanks for your support. I know this holiday will be your first and will not be easy.  

Dee. Hope u had a nice walk in the winter wonderland with our angels. We r starting to get snow here tonight.  20 cm. 

Mama bear. After six years I still find the cemetery hard. I used to feel guilty about not going but chaplain told me it is different for everyone and after all she isn’t there anyway.  She’s in heaven.  

Kate.  Did you see where someone in Quebec won the 60 million. I always think someone in Quebec wins it. My sister in b.c. Says someone in Ontario always wins it.  It wasn’t you or me anyway. No nhl til dec 27, but juniors play starting Boxing Day. Did you see where Dave semenko died of cancer today at 59. 

I guess is what I can see as far as Christmas goes, whether it is someone’s first Christmas without their child like Tina and mama bear and others or people who have endured many christmases without their child like dee and Kate and everyone else in between . We are all where we are and whether that means totally embracing all the joy and wonderment it holds, not having anything to do with it, or just starting to dip back into it a little bit, it is all ok.  Cause we are all where we need to be on this journey.  Much peace to everyone tonight. 

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And AMEN to all  the words tonight, all the lovely photos and music and screen shots, to all the sentiment and honesty and heart. AMEN and Thank you Each for the ways you share your lives here.

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Merry Christmas!

Joyeux Noel

Feliz Navidad

Hope you find a few simple moments of beauty and calm...

to reflect and remember...

to feel the wonder that is Christmas.

Kate 

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Merry as can be Christmas to you all. I hope that somehow, some way, the day holds a bit of magic.

The sun is bright in the sky, blue blue skies, and sparkle in the air as the wind blows crystals of snow...cold air coming in so I am going to get a nice Christmas walk in now, before the colder winds arrive.

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My girl is in heaven

We just went to the cemetery.  But I just know she is not there.  In my minds eye I could see a long table that stretched as far as the eye could see with crisp white linen table clothes where all our angels are together waiting for their Christmas dinner.  If I didn’t believe this, I simply could not live.   

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it was a noisy chaotic day with my 3 kids their cousin, my sister and i and my parents. pretty lovely day I only lost it briefly when we make toasts to family members at Xmas lunch. I heard my son Ross tell my dad he was going to toast to Tommy and my dad whisper back "No she is happy don't spoil it". I replied to Ross to go ahead because I felt unable to find my words and was not going to let the toast go unsaid. the tears came quick and fast and I slipped into the kitchen to clear the plates and gather myself. My kids all gave me a quick hug and i silently washed dishes with the tears flowing but only for a short while. i will go to the churchyard at some point in the next couple days but am trying to keep the mood upbeat for everyone else. my kids are here for such a short time it is important to make new memories take silly photos and eat and drink celebrating family time together. We do not do the religious stuff as none of us believe after losing Tommy.

tina glad you got Sena will you be able to have her brother as well at some point?

louann love that you made some smiles and shared them with us small steps my friend. Did you take Kira any purple flowers? change is difficult for many of us but we cannot stay in the same place life forces us on.

dianne i posted that same poem on Tommy's FB page today.

dee nice you have snow here it is windy and wet.

to all of my friends here i echo kate's dee and tina's wishes they said it so well.

sandy i am sorry for the loss of your dear friend. Xmas time is even worse because it is always a jolly festival of celebration in stores, churches and on tv and is the total opposite of how the grieving feel. My son's friend lost his mum very unepectedly the morning of xmas eve she was found dead in bed. Quite horrifying. She was alcoholic but in remission so is unexplained but there was probably internal damage to her organs. She was 48 very sad.

mamabear do what you feel is right there is no rulebook for visiting graves. Some of us go often others not so often it does not matter because our spirit kids are with us everywhere not left in the ground. Their earthly shells are not needed, they exist in the light. we are all different in the ways we deal with dying, burials or grief all of them are fine we do what feels right to ourself and never mind anyone else, it is a personal choice. If someone is negative they just do not understand and negative opinions usually come from ignorant people who have not walked in the shoes of a bereaved parent.

georgina i hope your health is ok the cold winter does not help bones and joints for sure and the lack of sun lowers spirits.

I am thankful for all my family who are here with me and to my tommy I wish you could have been with us but I know you will be watching us and nodding your approval you know how much you are missed.

To all of our brave members here, we made it through a Xmas day. For some it is the first, for others it may be years further on but we are all missing our spirit children but we are still standing.

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I am so glad that it is december 26th. I am always happy that Christmas gets done with. We babysat for 5 hours this morning...it was nice to be home with the kids looking and playing at their new things. They both still have residual colds and it is far too cold for them outside, with a high of 5 degrees and a strong wind chill...so we played and made playdough and just got back to basics without the hype. Nice. Now I will go to the gym even though my back is half out, I need to walk and this cold is not good to be out in...s ooff to the gym for some good old fashioned walking and working out. Ahhhh. Good to be on this side of the holiday.

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Dee, it looks as if you made the right decision to stay indoors on such a chilly day. We are experiencing a true Canadian deep freeze right now. It supposedly is breaking records from what I have heard. We have what is also called the wind chill factor that registers the way the temps actually feel. So today we are at -30C... but it actually feels more like -40. We are supposedly going down to -50C tonight with the wind chill. We have an extreme weather alert. Exposed skin can freeze in less than a minute. We are a hardy bunch and also loony to stay here. Last year we were breaking records for high temps at this time. It is warm and cozy inside and it looks as if all outdoor activities will be put on hold until this breaks. From what I understand they are also experiencing very chilly weather in Calgary from what my son tells me. They are off skiing to Revelstoke and Kicking Horse in BC and I sure hope it improves really soon. 

I have made a decision to make a brief getaway to the mountains this spring to just sit and relax for a few days. I want to see the girls and my son. I am craving some time alone for sure. Ross will stay here...sometimes you just need some time to yourself. 

LouAnn, I see you are having quite a bit of snow in your area. My brother is pleased as he has a place in Collingwood and was hoping to be able to ski this week. I see that poor Nova Scotia was hit again and many places are without power for the past several days. Crazy weather for sure. 

Mama Bear...how are you coping? It would have been very difficult to visit the cemetery for the first time. We have a bench that we donated to a provincial park area that stretches along the lake very close to where we live.. We walk along the trails into the site frequently and sit on the bench weather permitting. I know it is hard to actually absorb that this has happened. It will become a little bit easier as time goes by. Never good.... but just different.

Tina, how are you? When do you start your new job? 

Lesley, it sounds as if your family gathering yesterday was very nice. To have everyone gathered together around you must be very comforting. We tried to catch the Queen's message, but must have missed it... as we did not figure out Greenwich ( London) time in time. :rolleyes: We read and saw pics however of the Royals leaving church after Xmas Day services in the papers today. 

Sandy, I hope that yesterday as hard as it must have been saw some moments of happiness and smiles. We have a small plaque on Jeff's bench that reads...Love and Memories Endure. Thank God for our ability to recall all of the wonderful and special times we shared with our loved ones. Even through the tears he still makes me smile.

Thinking of everyone and wishing you ALL a warm and peaceful few days ahead. We are digging in tonight and watching the rest of The Crown and hopefully sipping on something hot and comforting.

Kate

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Hi there...

i know I haven’t been here for a bit. So... my dad has stage 4 lung cancer. He is terminal and this has all happened from diagnosis December 22. They found a massive tumour in his lung and lesions on the liver and cancer in the bones and spine. That cancer ... it is very aggressive and fast! It’s been tough ... losing Skylar last year flattened me... losing my father....!!!!!

he isn’t himself... he’s in acute care ward and so different..it’s sad! My dilemma is our daughter is here from university until January 8th and we were supppsed to go home tomorrow... I don’t think he will make it. I want to stay to support my mother (she has waldonstoms... a type of lymphoma) and she needs support and help. I know my dad is beyond treatment ... within hours how someone can decline!

what do I do? I feel I need to be here for my mom and be with my dad while I can... but others make me feel guilty because our daughter is here from university and I should be spending time with her?

wow... life and it’s curveballs!!! Enough already

A cute picture of my dad with Skylar...

btw... when my dad found out I was pregnant with Skylar ...he stopped smoking!!!! He is 80

A650D3A5-1DE6-4188-8AA2-0714F80793E4.jpeg

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somersky we missed you. So sorry to hear about your dad and to be diagnosed as terminal immediately is shocking. i guess you need to weigh up the pros and cons yourself whilst reading posts with their suggestions and go with your gut. The loss of a parent is very hard as you have had them all your life. i also understand you wanting to spend time with your daughter too. My advice for what it is worth is to spend as much time with your dad as you can so that when the inevitable happens you will know you got to say and do all you could and feel at peace with your decision. If all that is acheived in a couple days then go to see your daughter. If however you feel you need the whole time with your parents then be honest with your daughter and tell her you really need to be with your dad and mum because this is the last time you will be able to see and help him. you can make arrangements for a future visit to your girl a little later. facing the loss of your dad must be so scary I cannot imagine life without my mum and dad even though they are 79 and 84. I get that they are old and it is an inevitable part of life but I see them all the time they live 5 mins away from me and I need them as much as they need me. They have been incredible since I lost Tommy in2015 and so supportive through my breakdown and slow recovery, then driving me to and from the hospital for all my ankle surgeries and doing food shopping and taking care of my cat etc. They are aging fast now and are a little shaky and forgetful but still a strong force within our family. i know we have been incredibly lucky to have them this long and for them to be such a part of our kids lives too. None of the people I know have both parents most have neither so I try and spend as much time being with them and helping them out as I can as without them I would not be here. A tough choice for you to make but you and you alone must decide what is right for you and do not have regrets because once a decision is made and carried out it is done. You make the best decision at that time with what you have got because that is where you are in life at that moment.

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TearsInHeaven

Somersky, I am so sorry to hear about your father. Lesley is right, you need to go with your heart. I was not close to my parents so my thoughts are not pertinent. Your daughter is essentially grown so she can understand the circumstances. Take care of yourself and do what is right in heart.

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TearsInHeaven

Luanne, yes that is Michael at one of the last Christmases he had with his girlfriend.

Kate,  sounds like a nice getaway you are planning. Good for you.

We got to spend about 45 minutes of FaceTime with our Piper at Christmas. She usually gets bored after about 5 so it was good for us. My daughter and her husband were present too so it was really good. Some sadness for sure but some light too. Windchills here are -18...and more snow to come...

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Somersky... I, too am sorry to hear about your father. I think that the advice that was given by Lesley and Dianne is spot on. Your daughter is at an age that surely she will understand your need to be with your parents at this difficult time. Staying to give your support to your mom is very important. What a lovely picture of Skylar and your dad. So much to absorb in such a short time. Please keep posting and let us know how everyone is doing. 

Dianne, how lovely to be able to have that face time with the family. I am not in the least surprised that the little one could not stand still for more than five minutes. This is a huge and busy time for little ones. My grandies were the same. I listened to the sounds of Star Wars stuff that they had to play for me. They were so full of excitement that it did my heart good.

I feel a real need for the first time in my life to get away alone and just be. I am totally exhausted in both body and spirit.. and it seems to have finally caught up to me this past little while. I had some very disturbing news regarding my friend that lost her husband so suddenly this summer. She apparently had an accident  and drove into the ditch while taking herself to the hospital the other night. Her depression was far deeper than I recognized. She kept it hidden so well. She is now in the hospital and thankfully was not hurt when her vehicle went into the ditch but psychologically she is spent. They are keeping her for observation. And all this time I thought she was in the city at her daughter's for Christmas. I had absolutely no idea she was there alone. This is such a difficult time for those that have lost a loved one... as we are all too well aware of. I feel as if I have failed her badly. I of all people should have honed into her depression. Like Jeff she did not show it. 

I have stayed on this site after all of these years to help those that have no one to give them support. My own father died when I was 21 and my mother did not handle his death at all well. She struggled for years with both health and mental health issues that we were needed to support her with. And we did. She has been dead for several years and I still feel like it was perhaps a year or two ago since she passed. I have never had support from parents. Not once did my mother ever give me a hug or a kiss to my knowledge. She spent the last four years of her life in the hospital... as she was far too unwell to be on her own. Because we stood by her during the difficult times we have never felt as if we have a thing to regret. I do not have to look back and feel that I somehow had let them down. I did what I felt in my heart was the right thing to do. That is really all that I have ever done to be honest.

I want to make a fresh start. I want to take off this heavy sweater of grief and breathe again. I need to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the fresh air filling my lungs. I want to be happy again. It feels very close.

 

 

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What a hard circumstance Somersky...I agree with Lesley and Dianne, the only one who can make this hard decision is you, and no matter which decision you make, you are making the right one for you, for your life. This is what is most important here, making sure that at this time in your life, you move forward in the steps you feel are most nourishing to your spirit and soul and that is that. You are still young on this road, loss of your sweet Boy is still new, so please know that you cannot make this okay for everyone...you have to make this okay for you with the love you have for your Dad and your Daughter. Sly sits on your shoulder letting you know that there is no wrong way to go here, even if you feel you are letting someone down. I hope that your Girl can support you in whatever way you decide. She too is early in her grief. I love the photo you posted here, a lovely glimpse into an early joyous time. This is the miracle isn't it? That we were able to have these kinds of times.

Blessings to you as you travel another hard road. Keep us posted if you can.

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Kate, I am sorry for your friend, but will scold you to think you should have recognized her depression. When folks keep it hidden, they are very good about it and probably quite private. She was probably also unaware of how low she was. Recognizing it is a huge step and I am glad that she is being observed for now. You helped your friend when she needed you and you can help her going forward but to have known was not yours to be responsible for. I think a trip alone sounds good, it offers you some new thing to experience, a quiet and freedom of sorts that you have never had. I hope that you can do this.

Dianne, it is the same here weather wise, very bitterly cold, sunny and dangerously cold, The high today is 5 degrees I think. Tomorrow more snow and warmer, so maybe 18 degrees which is fine by me, I love when it is in the low to mid 20's. So here's hoping it gets there this week.

Sherry, how was the holiday for you and Denny?

Leah, I was glad to read that Senna came home to your house. Good deal for both you and She. I pray that you continue to get stronger and healthier.

Susan, how is your health? What are the doctors proposing?

Laurie, how are you feeling? Did you get a bit of a break over the holiday, I mean from work? I know your household was busy as you have your Little Guy there. Such good news on that.

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kate staying here to help others is a big sacrifice of your time and energy and I thank you for it. Taking off the sweater of grief sounds good and I hope you find some time to be alone on a vacation with the wind in your face and a feeling of space and freedom you deserve it. I am sad for your friend but it is not too late her wellbeing will be supported by mental health specialists which is what she needs. maybe the accident lowered her defences and was actually a small blessing in disguise. I know nobody knew the huge internal struggles I was suffering at the time because you are afraid to let people in because you feel out of control and scared and ashamed for not coping like everyone around you, and sadly mental illness is still a big stigma. You are such a kind compassionate person no thanks to your upbringing which sounds quite cold. I am sorry your mum never hugged or kissed you that is a form of neglect ,and abusive. no child should have to grow up feeling unappreciated or unloved and i think it shaped you into the strong and caring woman you are.

somersky make peace with yourself when you decide in which direction to go it will be ultimately the right decision trust yourself.

dianne how lovely to enjoy some facetime with your little Piper. Xmas is still magical and special for little ones and us older ones experience joy through seeing theirs.

dee enjoy the snow, it beautifies and softens everything and you are forced to slow down the pace, except for shovelling the driveway! Snuggle up inside with a hot drink and light a fire.  i remember the big snowfalls we sometimes had back in PA and the infectious joy of my kids playing in the snow. As I live by the coast in the UK we very rarely get snow and then only an inch but usually only a slight coating. My kids have gone back now to their homes and its very quiet, but it was great to see them and be together playing games and watching movies.

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Oh Lesley, there are 65 inches of snow in Erie Pennsylvania in just 3 days, they are buried in snow and more on the way, at least 10 more inches. Now that is a bit much...hard for the whole are to operate in any capacity. We have more snow tomorrow I hope. I could not stay inside today, had to get some sun on my face so put on double pants, big snow boots, and several layers of hats, scarves, and coats...I just went for about 1.5 miles but it was necessary. My back is not great today nor for the last 3 days, so I did what I could out in the cold. I wish I could go for my after dinner walk but it is 0 out now and so we shall let it go for another time. I am glad that you had time with the Kids, that must have felt good. Now quiet again and I hope a peaceful start to the new year.

Dianne, how nice to visit with your precious Grand Girl and family. Sounds like you are a favorite to her just as she is for you. Lovely. Did she do any singing while you visited?

Life goes on my Friends, all around us and within us and we are still here because we are supposed to be. May we all find our steps in 2018.

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Cheryl, Tony's Mom

HAPPY 2ND HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, ANTONIO DONTE STEWART

LOVE AND MISS YOU,

MOM

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God bless Antonio on this special day.

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cheryl it has been a while I hope you are doing ok? Happy birthday to your son Tony. I know he will be looking down on you. I hope you can remember this special day with some happy memories and not too many tears. It is hard to celebrate a spirit birthday isn't it because it is bittersweet.

dee I lived in Exton PA quite close to Philadelphia about 45 minutes and I don't think they got the snow at all. I bet you felt good after that bracing walk outside. Today with all my kids gone I just took it easy and watched movies and drank tea. I will deal with the laundry and housework tomorrow it will still be there. I am so used to a silent house and although I loved seeing the family and the noisy chaos it was a little overwhelming at times and I had to occasionally briefly retreat to clear my head. There were late nights too which I made efforts to participate in and as for mornings I am a bit of a grump until I have had at least 2 large cups of coffee and quiet time to read the news!

so the next holiday is New Year. Never been much of a fan since I left the USA I often just go to bed but i wanted to echo dee's words becuase she summed it up so well

17 hours ago, ericasmom said:

Life goes on my Friends, all around us and within us and we are still here because we are supposed to be. May we all find our steps in 2018

 

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My girl is in heaven

Lesley. So nice of Ross to toast Tommy and your sweet father trying to protect you. We all worry people forget our kids but those who truly loved them will always remember. Give yourself a pat on the back , you rose above and gave your family a wonderful day with new memories to cherish all the while with your broken heart limping along. I have always hated New Years, that stupid song. But now I’m too old to stay up that late. Your surgery coming up soon, right.

Dianne.  Thanks for sharing michaels picture. I will picture him in my mind when you talk about him now  Bet Piper was so excited.  Do they live in another state. Do you get to visit much?

tina and mamma bear.  How did things go,. The first Christmas is the most painful. I hope even a little light found its way into your day. 

Dee. Bet the two little ones were so precious to see at Christmas. Nothing so beautiful as that pure innocent joy of children on Christmas morning.  Glad u enjoy your walks in the snow. I will curl up in front of the fire with my hot chocolate and see you in may.  Lol

Kate so glad to hear u feel close to happiness. That offers so much hope to all of us.  I hope you find it.  I’m sure the girls were such a joy as all kids should be at Christmas time.  You absolutely did not miss any sign from your friend. I am the worlds expert on smiling, talking engaging with people while my head is telling me the opposite. I know some people have red flags but not all.  I wish your friend the best. I hope you can peel off that grief sweater and please share to light the way for the rest of us.  U are so courageous. 

Susan, hope u r feeling better. Let us know how u are doing.  

Leah, now u have Sena, are you going to be able to get your grandson too. I hope your daughter is getting some help. 

Becky how did your surgery go. Hope u are able to still read here.

Georgina, are you feeling any better. How did you manage things at Christmas.  

Colleen, Sherri.  Bet u guys are getting the chilly weather too. I think Kate has us all beat in Winnipeg for the coldest.    How did your christmases go. Do you find they get a little easier each year.

devianz...u still out there. Let us know how things r going if you can. 

Sandy.  How was your Christmas. I can’t help but think of your friends three kids. U will be a life line for that family. Sadly you know that this is just the first ripple in the water for them.  

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My girl is in heaven

somer sky.  How is your father doing. I am in the same boat as u right now in regards to my father. We knew this would be his last Christmas. It was sad but we all muddled thru.  On Boxing Day he did not have enough strength to walk up the stairs anymore and his bed was brought downstairs. Yesterday an ambulance was called. And he is in hospital. When I went into to see him, he told me he was ready to go. He was totally coherent, knew who I was and his surroundings and in no pain. I put a picture of Kira and a little angel that I grabbed at the last minute on my way out the door, into his hand. I told him Kira says never be afraid to die cause I am waiting in the sky.  I said she is waiting for you dad.  I need you to look after her. I can’t be with her yet cause I stil have the two boys to look after. He had a total peace come over him. He would not let go of those two items even when they undressed him and went for X-rays. Someone tied a telemetry bag around his neck to put the picture and the angel in for him. He keeps touching them. My sister in law a nurse told me he feels he has a job now, a mission. He said to me, when u hear that I am gone, know I will be with her.  I was not expecting this reaction, but I gave my dad total peace and the sereness in his face was amazing. Of course we are not telling my husband any of this as he does not believe as I do and this would upset him. He is on antibiotics today and perked up a little. Nobody can tell us if he has six minutes or six months, but he has found his peace. I know everyone is different but I share this with you in case it may heIp you to know You are not alone right now.. Everyone’s situation is different. But please know I am feeling the same pain as you are in losing a father. If I can do anything for you or u want to talk please let me know.  Prayers for you and your family at this difficult time.

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Louanne, I am sorry that your Dad is such a state but so so happy that he feels the peace that awaits him. He feels the serenity of knowing...and part of that knowing is the promise of seeing his beautiful GrandGirl again. Hold tight to that knowledge, that assurance that you just took a giant step forward in fitting your heart's pieces together.

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Mermaid Tears

just got on the site today and did some reading...sending thoughts of care to all.....have to go back in the hospital....surgery is soon. Please stay safe and warm.

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Susan, many prayers and positive thoughts to you and to the surgeons. May good health greet you in the New Year.

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louann how thoughtful to give that peace of mind to your dad, I am sure he feels better and knows Kira will come and take him when his time comes. peace of mind is so important as often people are afraid of dying and he knows he will not be alone. He will look after Kira too. You are right you have to be here for the boys and your husband.

susan hope your surgery goes well thinking of you.

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My girl is in heaven

Thanks dee and lesley. I just read your words to my mom and sisters. Just what they needed to hear. We are sitting with him now. He has drowsed off now but we have all said our goodbyes. He said it his his turn to go and he will look after kira. I cant help but wish it wish my turn. I cant believe the peace that came over him to know kira would be waiting. They have stopped iv and antibiotics. Thanks yor yourr support. I just wanted to talk to my friend's.

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Louanne (forgive spelling if wrong), you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

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I have a little story to share that I hope will help to give comfort. Towards the end of my MIL's life she went into the hospital for what we thought would be a short period of time. She had always been a very strong willed woman and very stubborn. She also did not really have any faith that she could cling to for support. They told us that she would not live long. It could be any day or at most a week or so. Well, it turned into two months. She was afraid to let go.

She was in a private room for palliative patients on a floor for the dying. The level of care she received was outstanding. They kept her as comfortable as possible. A few days before she died she mentioned that two people kept coming to her room to talk to her. They told her they were there to help her. She asked them to leave and informed them that she was not going anywhere! Still, they persisted. She asked for the nurse and complained about them. She asked to have them banned from her room. She thought they were from religious group of some kind. Another day she called the nurse and told her that Jeff was there and asked if she would escort him out of the  hospital... as he had told her it was the first time he had been in that hospital. Jeff had been dead for a period of time at that point. She said she had a lovely visit with him and he told her he would come back to be with her. She was concerned that he would get lost when leaving! The nurses told us they heard these stories all of the time on that ward. Was it the meds? I honestly do not think so. My MIL because she was afraid of dying clung to life out of fear. When she finally felt confident that Jeff was there to be with her she was able to leave in some form of peace. I am a firm believer that we all have guides to help us to cross over. 

LouAnn, your father will be welcomed with love and open arms by all whose lives he touched in a loving way. Kira will most definitely be standing up front and center.

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Susan, sending good wishes that your operation will be a successful one. I will most definitely be thinking of you. Good luck... and when you are able... please let us know how you are doing. 

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TearsInHeaven

Susan, prayers and the most positive thoughts being sent to you for your recovery.  Take care my friend.

Kate, Luanne, the story of your motherinlaw is wonderful.  Something similar happened to me and I have told this story here previously.  I was with a woman who was like (even better) a mother to me,  I have never seen or experienced something so incredible.  She was in the hospital dying.  I will condense this  but at one point she acknowledged her mother, sister, brother in her room.  They had died many years ago.  She told them she would be coming soon.  The entire experience was surreal and if I did not have faith I would have gotten it then.  I have seen my share of people die when I worked on the clinical side in the hospital.  Never experienced anything like that.  Luanne, Kira will be there for your dad.  You and your family are also in my thoughts and prayers.

 

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I am off to bed but must comment on these lovely stories that affirm what many of us believe; there is another place and that is where our beloved people are...people are helped to cross that thin line of here...and there. Peace All.

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Thinking of you Louanne..   I know it is a difficult time even when you think your ready..  no words help but know we are all here.

 

I haven't been feeling to well...  I think I have been out and about to much, my lungs just aren't getting better this time.  I think it will be another visit to the dr.  It has been nice having Sena here.  on the 18 of January they want me to go to court for guardianship.  It is a big step to take but I guess I will do it.. I want so much to do right by her.

Thinking of you all.. just not up to writing... thanks to all those who wished me well with my health and Sena..  all the thoughts and prayers are so very much appreciated.  

Hopefully I will feel better and write more at another time.. Bless you all

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Leah, I really hope that with rest and the proper meds you will soon be on the mend. Your lung condition sounds as if it is really taking a toll on you. Please take good care of yourself.

Susan, I'm hoping that you will soon be back up on your feet and feeling like your old self soon. Positive wishes for a really speedy recovery!

Dang.... it's cold out there today!!! There is cold... and then there is another level of cold. This has reached the other level. As I write this it is now -40C/40F. Something you may want to check out is what is called the Raw Almond Dining experience on their web site.. It is held in Winnipeg, Gimli, and Churchill, Manitoba. Held over a period of a week in each place. They hold the event in a heated pop up building either on the river in Winnipeg and in our case Lake Winnipeg. High end chefs have come from all over the world to cook for a period of two days each to cook for approximately 100 people a seating. There are two seatings per night. Quite a unique dining experience for the fun lover. The high today is -30C. How can anyone call that a high? They are sold out for all seatings and tonight I'm sure will not disappoint.

LouAnn, my thoughts are sent your way and wish your Dad a peaceful passing.

Love to All, Kate

p.s Niagara Falls froze last night! Gotta love Global warming.

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kate and dianne lovely affirming stories that prove without doubt we never die alone and are reunited with past loved ones. Louann the important thing is not to die in fear and you took the fear away for your dad so he is getting ready to go peacefully. When I was a nurse there were some patients who needed to be told it was ok to go and just reassured with a held hand or stroked forehead and they immediately relaxed and slipped away. It is us left behind who don't want them to go but love is the strongest emotion and if you help your loved one go in peace that is a great gift. i hope it won't be too long becaase the waiting is the worst part for family as some of you can attest. When it is an older person it makes it a little easier because they had a full life and achieved some of their dreams and raised families, unlike our children who were taken abruptly without warning when they had not even begun reaching their potential. I am by no means saying it is easy to lose a parent i cannot even think of that day but it is more fair and you had said your dad had been declining Louann. I will be thinking of you during this difficult time and know you will be a great source of comfort to your family.

leah my thoughts are with you and the upcoming guardianship. You will need all the strength you can get so please take care of your self and see the doctor. Winter is tough on joints and chests.

wounded-healers.jpg.1e552aeda9bfa20a1265621028549081.jpg

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Hello  to  all  INDIGOS.  (I'm hopelessly behind on BI, but have been reading quite a bit.) 

Kate------thank you for the story of your mother-in-law's visions of Jeff and his words to her.

I am a firm believer that it is not the meds that cause dying people to feel the presence of

loved ones who have passed before.  Your mother-in-law was somewhat like my mother,

who died at age 96 in 2016.  She, too, was a very strong willed & stubborn woman without a 

real strong religious conviction. As she was in her last 8 days, she was mostly out of consiousness,

but started softly calling to my Grandma who had passed many years before.  When my mom

was not ready to go.......I believe my grandma helped her to just pass peacefully.

 

Mama Bear----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, Shelby, and her sweet infant boy.

As others have said,  your loss is so very recent, and words seem so empty.   But,  just knowing

that there are others here who understand, and walk with you on this unwanted, but irreversible

journey can lighten the load a bit.  Please come back to this site.

 

I think that a lot of us are under the blast from 'Ole Man Winter'.........lots of snow and wind.  

 

Dee----When we saw on the Weather Channel recently that your area was getting hit......we knew

we were in for it. :)   It's a lovely scene outside, though,.......and a White Christmas is always welcome.

Our lane was drifted this morning, but the use of the snow thrower cleared it nicely, and we were able to get out

and do a few errands.

 

Georgina,......Sandy....Colleen....Leah.....Dianne......LouAnn......Susan..... Kate......and everyone on BI.....Good to see

your posts. 

 

Thanks  to all for the lovely holiday greetings, and screen shots....so beautiful.  

 

WISHING  PEACE   FOR   ALL.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    sherry 

 

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Hello all.

Well............... We said our goodbyes yesterday to dear Heather.    She was so very loved by so many.  The calling the night before the funeral was supposed to run from 4-8 but didn't end until 9:30 due to all of the people who came.   It was an hour and half wait to get to the family.    The service was beautiful as well as heartbreaking.  The family did well, but now the hard work begins.   It was so very cold yesterday with a high of 9 degrees so the graveside service was very brief.   I know that it was just her body, and not who she was, but it did pain my heart to leave her in that terrible cold.    I know it did for her mama  too.   We will walk this road together, knowing we will see our girls again.

I am exhausted emotionally and physically.   I too long for time away from everything to really rest and recover.    I could join you Kate, but then that would negate your chance to get away wouldn't it?:-)  But will take the moments that I can to get away and catch my breath..    This morning my hubby had an aid here so I went and did some " retail therapy" 

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone as we approach the new year.  We are in a frozen state her in Indiana as are many of  you.  Don't like driving on slippery roads, but do like that it maybe will kill some of the virus's and illness .

Have a good weekend.

Sandy

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Hi all. I hope the picture shows. It is the causeway on the river right on the edge of town. Geese are enjoying it. The snow started yesterday. I just thought I'd share this. I'll write more later. Peace and love to all

Tina

1514666641960234204204591148238.jpg

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lovely photo Tina, the snow arrived here but with such cold it can't be enjoyed but from the window. Hoping for some temps int he 20's. How did you do over the holiday?

Sandy, how hard that service must have been for you, for all involved and you  know the truth, now the hard work begins for the family. The hardest work ever. I know that you will walk along with her but yes, taking time for your heart and head is a good thing. I am glad that you got away a bit while your husband had an aide. I wish you enough, like that old story goes, enough to sustain you and remind you of what true love is and where you carry it. In your ever-loving heart.

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Brendon&Jordi

Justin's Mommy, I have lost two sons. I feel sad to say that I think the second year is so much harder than the first. The second year, the support of family and friends tend to drop off. People feel that you should be over it. Meals and help dwindle away. The worst part for me was that I was starting to forget. Starting to forget what it felt like to hear my son's voice. To feel the touch of his kiss on my cheek. I was starting to forget and couldn't remember everything that I wanted to remember. I felt like my memory was fading. The second year was just torture. I tried to write in a journal the things that I remembered. I had friends write down the memories that they had of my sons. I felt awful to not remember everything. I couldn't smell his scent in his pillow anymore-all the scent was gone. I tried to spray his room with his cologne to rmember what he smelled like. I slept in his bed. I tried to pretend that he was still in his room talking to me.

Then, I remembered how much he loved me. I remembered him smiling. I remembered his laugh.

Never Forget

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