Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

Recommended Posts

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Dear dear Kate, Ross and family.  Sending prayers and warm hugs your way as you are at Jeff’s angel date again.  I can’t help but think that that first Christmas you probably already had your decorations up and gifts bought. What should have been coming up to the happiest day of the year was instead devastating.  But still you are a shing beacon of hope to all of us that we can weave that grief into our new lives and carry on for the sake of those left behind. As difficult as that can be.  I hope that today instead of the foxes, birds and other critters that it is your Jeff who makes his presence known, so he can let you know how proud he is of his mama and papa and the good work they are doing. We all know we will see our precious babies again some day but there are those two days a year that always pull even tighter on our hearts and souls. Good luck with the toy sorting today. Feel your boy’s presence everywhere you go.  And know that tomorrow you will feel a tiny bit better. Your my next door neighbour, I wish I could fly there to give a big hug today but hope u can feel it just the same.  Heads up and keep going today.  Am thinking of you guys and your angel boy.  Take care Luanne

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 68.4k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • ericasmom

    9217

  • Mermaid Tears

    3803

  • daveydow1

    3002

  • shorty16

    2248

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Members
TearsInHeaven

Somewhere in Heaven is a beautiful young man whose name is Jeff.  He is happy and feels all the love being sent to him.  Jeff, send your family a soft, warm whisper to let them know you are near.

smiling.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sweetheart Jeff,

May you feel the peace of a thousand angels and bless your parents with this sense...they know that one day they will reside with you again, until then, help them continue being the Earth Angels they are, carrying you into every good thing that they do...Blessings Sweet Boy/Man.

 

Kate and Ross, may this day find you with faces in the sun and hard work in your hands...hearts resting comfortably knowing that you are always near your Boy, he is always near you. A sweet walk to round out this day, allowing fresh air in and warm memories to guide you home again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

susan glad you are doing ok must be a very boring diet and I am sure you will be glad to get onto something solid before Xmas. Those are two of my favourite quotes on grief by the way.

dianne yep it is definitely ok not to celebrate the holidays. If it does not feel right then don't do it, whatever your inner self directs you, I like that quote you posted too just reminding us all that we are different. that Piper sure looks like a little angel how lovely she is. I hope I have grandkids someday they look like fun!  glad your cousin is doing as well as can be expected. Dee said the  feelings that "roller-coaster" so well, we all know the pits that open up unexpectedly and then the slow climb back to some normality. I believe we are always a few steps further on than we were originally, it is just a long and slow process.

maryanne I read your candle post a bit late but what a lovely idea. I look at my tree lights instead and smile a sad smile.

kate what an awesome charity idea to be able to have some choice of gifts very thoughtful. I will be sending my usual donation to my local homeless shelter in my son's name. There was a very interesting article in the newspaper the other day from a mother of a son who is an addict and lives on the streets. She wrote an article begging kind people not to buy food or drinks for her son, or clothes or give money to him. her reasoning was sound she said that if his needs are met he is enabled and will continue in that lifestyle. If his needs are not met he will hit rock bottom and seek help himself and hopefully get treatment. She did ask instead that people donate to the charities that support homeless and addicts so they can be taken care of appropiately, beds funded etc. Thought it was an interesting perspective, practising tough love which must be so hard, but also with her son's welfare and safety foremost.

dee thanks for the encoraging words, it is a bit of an emotional minefield navigating the holidays. I agree a book is in your future.

there are quite a few faces missing recently on our thread. I guess you are all having your own personal struggles, just know you are thought of and missed ok?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks for the thought of getting published one day, it is a BIG dream of mine...

My friend who has cancer found out yesterday that it has traveled to her liver. Prayers and hope for this wonderful talented woman, Mom of three grown sons...(all in their 20's). She is hoping to get into a new trial, and I so hope she can as the treatment she is doing now has given her more time than ever expected, it was 2 years ago when diagnosed at stage 4 melanoma. The treatment is immunotherapy, and she has done well with it until now. I hope that they can buy more time for her and my hope is that by then, a new treatment can be used and then another new one...maybe she is just the right pioneer to try these newest ideas out, ever eager to try, hoping for more time in each breath and heartbeat.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Dee....I have given my 'illness' a name....I call it a 'message from the Universe'.....maybe the message is meant for me to be more aware of those that struggle with real health issues....will pray that your friend hangs on with both hands...and we will pray with both hands....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thinking of you Kate on Jeff's angel date. May you and Ross find gentleness in the day.

 

 

son-love-my-son.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thinking of everyone as we are missing our beloved ones. I am including a link below to a beautiful song. Something Jesse would have liked. 

Homeless man plays beautiful song with powerful message

https://youtu.be/FhgZ4hBGJkY?t=28s

(could not get the video to embed...so follow the link)

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you to everyone that thought of Jeff today. It was a special day filled with much emotion. My heart was filled with a sense of pure goodness when I saw the happiness that a few small gifts could make for someone in need. What better way to honour my BOY/MAN than to do what he did on an every day basis. Working with the disadvantaged  he saw the bare raw humanity in everyone. He never judged a living soul to my knowledge. He saw that many had faults... but he also saw their good side as well. He showed them respect. Which was why many used his name as a contact when they were hospitalized. What could have been a greater honour? That they considered him friend enough to care about them. Today as I swept my kitchen floor just before leaving the house a white feather drifted down from above and touched my cheek. Where the heck did it come from? OK, I said to myself...he's here and showing he's good about what we are doing today. 

Dee, I am so sorry about your friend. I will definitely keep her in my prayers.

Oh Sandy, I know it has been a really difficult period for you. Know that we are sending love. 

LouAnn and Dianne and Dee... Laurie...thanks for thinking of my boy!

Sending love to ALL that good health will be restored and peace will fill your hearts again.

Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Just wanting you all to know I am fine.. been really stressed.. but it will pass.. just not feeling good.  I probably will go back to the dr..  but there is so much flu and stuff around here.. they aren't giving out antibiotics.. just keep sending people home to get over whatever...  and I have met a few that aren't getting over it.

Kate.. thinking of you.. sending you love and peace for you and Ross..  may you feel the grace of your angel Jeff...  always present..  always loved.

I have been reading.. and do appreciate all..  prayers for you all to get through the holidays..  we hold our angels close..  and continue to make them proud.  Hope your all feeling better soon

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Kate...by now...you have learned to travel through the darkness...and find your way. I remember coming on this site....I was simply shattered. You..Dee..Sherry were the ones that were ahead on the grief journey and waved to us...to let us know we could survive. I consider myself a mosaic now. Thank you for sharing the depths of your journey...and sharing your stories of hope. Your Jeff left many footprints on this earth home for many to follow with his many acts of kindness and charity. You and Ross certainly keep his light bright. Thinking of you and your SONshine boy.

ScreenShot1663.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Kate, you will like the song, as I thought of Jeff to when I viewed it.

Dee, I am sorry for your friend...does she have assistance in her family? 

Lesley, thanks for your posting above...there are many who I miss their input here.....this place has been a lifeline for me and the kindness of everyone here.

Susan, I love the picture of your John David, one of favorites!

Dianne, good to see your post!

My time has been somewhat limited as both my jobs are taking up more time than I expected....I will  be glad once December is over! 

Awwww walking each other home...jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Thank you, Laurie...it touches my heart in every part.....

Please keep your immune system in high gear....take rest when you can....

and yes....that is a favorite photo of my boy.....

here we are.....on the 5th year of us missing Jesse David and John David....

ScreenShot1654.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Susan. Glad to see you posting.  Hope that means you are on the mends and feeling better.  How is the snow situation there going? I can so relate to you about wanting to give in and give up but yet we somehow keep the lights burning.  You are right and only another grieving parent could understand our struggle.

Dee. Sending prayers for your friend. I always think of that last line in desiderata that says “with all its shame, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world”. I used to believe that at one time but when I hear about people like your friend or all of us on this site, I know that is not true.    

Dianne. Your little Piper is an absolute princess so does she live close to you? So other then your angel in heaven you have a daughter. I have heard that grandchildren can really change your life. Thank you for posting that it is ok to not celebrate the holidays.  That takes the pressure off of feeling like to have to be happy and excited about Xmas.  We simply don’t if that’s not how we feel.  And yes I finally figured what I wanted my name changed to. When I first came on I was afraid someone I know would read my posts so I put my name in as Lou Ann, but really it is Luanne.  

Lesley. Good for you for getting that tree up. You are right it will show your kids that mama is doing better. I hope I get there someday where my boys can maybe see a glimpse of their old mom and dad

kate. Oh so glad you got that feather from your angel. He must be so proud of his mom and dad. Got some snow but extreme cold weather warnings for tonight.  I think you get more snow then we do. 

Tina. How r you feeling.  Did you hear anything about that job. I have free calling to the states. Do you want me to call and make some inquiries for you about health care or financial support. So you can’t get medication or go to the hospital without paying for that.  Has your  job place closed yet.  Let me help you if I can.  How is Grayson doing.  Do you have Xmas presents to give him.  

Sherry.  What kind of plans do you have coming up.  Have you decided about the tree or not.  Things used to be so much easier didn’t they.  Sounds like u live out in the country, nature is special for bereaved parents.. so calming. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Oh I keep forgetting....I got all those Chinese writings too with the names of Canadian universities at the end.. gone now. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Susan, I love that screen shot of all of us just walking each other home...so true.

Laurie, thanks for asking about my friend, she has immense and wonderful support at home, all three boys are living in her home, wanting to be with her, her cousin even moved back to town to be near her...she has many friends and is so well loved that she will always have folks around her if she wants. She has stayed fairly busy with friends and a bit of travel too, so hopefully she can continue doing those kinds of things...She is a brave little soldier.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

kate thinking of you and your family on this day. be kind to yourself and let happier memories fill your mind so you can smile a little through the tears. hugs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Lesley, I saw that you posted something about tough love the other day. I had mentioned this a few years ago on the site about a dear and close friend of mine. My walking buddy that passed away four years ago. When her son was in his late teens he fell in with the wrong crowd of kids. Drugs and alcohol took over his life and he was going to the dogs. She and her husband decided to go away on a short holiday leaving the kids at home. While away he through a huge party. Her house was trashed and many things stolen. She was at the end of her rope by this point. She made a very hard decision and as much pain as it caused her she decided to press charges against him. They threw the book at him. As he was a youth they could not send him to prison but he went to a detention facility and it was not an easy time for him. In the end it saved his life. He cleaned up his act and went on to be a strong support to her after her husband died and she became ill with cancer.

Another close friend of Jeff's had his single Mom literally throw him out on the street refusing to provide a home for him as he kept stealing from her to buy drugs. What I later found out was that Jeff would sneak him into our home at night to provide shelter for him to sleep while we were asleep ourselves. He was always gone by the time we got up. Today that young man is a father and business owner. His life was totally turned around by some very tough decisions made by his Mom and the help of a close friend.

Every situation is an unique as the person. It takes guts but also tremendous love to get tough on your kid. Sometimes that is the only way to save them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yes Kate, your Boy was always protecting others, so good of him. And so brave too of your friends, both. My sister cannot find it within herself to do this with her Boy, don't know if I could either but until he is on the street and without the shelter and constant help of his mom and dad, he will continue to steal and use. Sad!

My friend who is ill will begin a new trial once the doctors are able to make sure that she is the right person for it...fingers crossed as perhaps buying time is the best that can happen right now, and knowing my friend, she wants as much time with her Sons and husband as she can get. I sure do get that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
InHeavensKeeping

Just wanted to say I’ve been struggling finding it so hard to do much more than my job. Shattered every night. In tears all the time. Is this a different stage because I can’t help but feel the unfairness of it all. I didn’t ask for this life I have now I used to be a happy fun person now I feel I’ve turned into this dark gloomy person who feels hopeless most of the time. Just miss my boys so much. 

Praying for your friend Dee xx

God Bless xx

669E2A6F-8A0A-459A-8879-D58B6BD7CBE3.jpeg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
InHeavensKeeping

Sorry Kate for missing Jeffs angel day I thought these pins described your lovely caring son   Love and Hugs to you xxxx

04D539D2-7781-474B-9513-1DBC83CE0278.jpeg

C5D5FB0B-CBE3-4ECB-9A74-AAA856CED321.jpeg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Georgina.  I am so sorry you are having a hard time. It doesn’t help that everywhere we go right now everything screams Christmas and family and happy times.  But sadly not for bereaved parents. I am six years in and I still haven’t figured out stages. One day I muster up ever bit of courage to just be a normal person and carry out my day. And other days I just want to find that cliff to jump off. You are so right the unfairness of it all and no certainly not the life we wanted. U have Charlotte; right?  Does she still live at home. My surviving children are what I live for. As hard as it is we do have to show them it is ok to live and be happy again. I’m still trying to rally around my boys even though I just want to cry, fold my tent and give up. I am strengthened by all of you as we join hands and travel thru this journey together. I Hope for some brighter days ahead for you. One foot in heaven and another here on earth. I love your poem...the day my child died.. it really says it all.  Take care Luanne 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Georgina, the holidays certainly bring it out as does the added health problems which you have been battling, one circles the other. Can't separate body/mind connection as it all works or doesn't work, together. So I wish you a more peaceful feeling soon, maybe when the holidays are over. It will always feel differently than it used to and of course sadness is right there underneath your smile, but I hope for some true happiness to enter your lives and some hearty laughter to fill your home and heart.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

JEFF.....SAYING  YOUR  NAME....AND REMEMBERING YOU ....ANGEL  IN  HEAVEN.

 

Kate----Sorry I missed Jeff's Angel Day.   Glad that Ross is holding his own.  Sending prayers.

 

Dianne-----thanks for your kind words, and for the lovely pic of Piper.....she's a little beauty.

 

Maryann----thanks for the posting the reminder of the World Candlelighting, and the beautiful

screenshot with soft candle glow.

Dee-----So nice you baked cookies with the grandies.  We got about 6 inches or more of snow

last night. It looked like a winter wonderland this a.m.  Clear blue sky,  puffy clouds, and blanket

of white. It's to be 10 degrees tonight.  BRrrrr.

Susan-----Glad to hear that you are coming along with your recuperation......slow but sure. As

you said....it does take patience, and diligence to stick with the recommendations for diet,  meds,

and activity that the hospital gives.  Not always easy when one just wants to return to their normal

activities.  So glad you have such a loving and supportive family to help you with it all.  Prayers, friend.

Lesley-----Glad that you have your computer back to normal...(or  near-normal).  Computers!  They

sure can be a challenge when something goes wrong. :huh:

Laurie----thank you for posting that sweet screen shot.

LouAnn----Well, we did put up a tree, but only the small fiber optic one. It is quite pretty, though.  We

may not get around to getting the huge tree up from the basement this year.  My husband is not too

enthusiastic about that....it is quite a lot of work, so the small one, and decorations on the mantle

and large wreath on the front porch may be it for this year.  After our darlings died, we did not have

a tree for a couple years.  I do enjoy the lights though.  Yes, we live in a farming area.  Many crop and

dairy farms nearby.  We often hear  "moo-ing"  in the morning, or roosters crowing. :)

 (they are from neighboring farms) or the "baaa" of sheep. 

Georgina-----Sorry that you are in such a dark place.  Yes, as others have said.....the holidays can

have such a sorrowful effect on us.  I hope you will feel somewhat better in the coming days & weeks.

 

PEACE    AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

 

   

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

    I found this writing somewhere:

 

                                           She is the same,.....and she is different,

                                            She is here, but at the same time, a

                                            part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

                                            She stands in the sunlight, yet she walks

                                            within the shadows of... what was......

                                                    and what can never be.

                                                             She is a grieving mother.

 

                                      PEACE   TO  ALL.       

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Beautiful words Sherry.

thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Thanks Sherry. Thats exactly who we are now. I like that you get to hear all the critters.
I just came across this:

I said: WHAT ABOUT MY EYES?
God said: KEEP THEM ON THE ROAD.
I said: WHAT ABOUT MY PASSION?
God said: KEEP IT BURNING
I said: WHAT ABOUT MY HEART?
God said: TELL ME WHAT YOU HOLD INSIDE IT
I said: PAIN AND SORROW
God said:

STAY WITH IT. THE WOUND IS THE PLACE WHERE THE LIGHT ENTERS YOU.

Rumi




Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Luanne, I just heard from the job at the prison today.  I will start there January 2nd.  I will give my two weeks for here on Saturday so my last day will be the 30th.  I've asked around about help with the finances.  In order to get help with rent, it is a waiting period, like a year.  My income wouldn't let me get the help, they don't see the bigger picture.  I've asked churches but they say they don't have the funds.  I've found help for utilities once at a place that gives help when they can.  This new job will pay for my health insurance.  It is with the state.  That will be good.  I haven't bought Christmas presents for my kids since their dad and I split.  I give some of my tax return to them, I wouldn't get it without them.  I'm not sure about this year though.  My student loan isn't in good standing and I've been trying to work with them but I'm anxious to see if the IRS will take part of my return, if not all of it.  I owe my son so much money, he will probably get whatever I get back.  That's ok.  

I was feeling pretty anxious and in a dreadful state for the past couple of weeks.  I started coming out of it when I made up my mind what I'm going to do about Christmas (stay home or go to my parents.)  I decided I will go to my parents after work on the 22nd (which is my bday), give gifts to my mom to  hand out and either stay the night and head back Saturday or head back Friday.  Probably wait until Saturday.  This depends on who will be there.  I also had a talk with a friend and prayed a lot.  This helped to bring me out of that state for now.  I cannot think about anything other than the day at hand.  I want her back.  I don't want to believe.  Right now, I'm ok with that.  I still haven't done more with the tree/branch thing I put on my wall.  I did donate my fake tree to a grandma in need.  It felt good.  I did double, triple check with my son to make sure he was ok with it too.  He was.  

Peace and much love to all

Tina

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Oh Tina, I am glad for  your job, and working for the state usually is good health care and pension, so good for you. Making decisions to visit with parents is big, I hope that it is more peaceful than perhaps you think it may be. I hope it is good for your soul. And your giving your old tree to a woman in need feels good because helping others is a way to help ourselves heal. That is why when on this site when you are able to offer some hand up to someone else, you often feel a bit of broken-ness finding a spot to fit back its jagged edge to another broken piece. We find our parts and fit them together and it is definitely helped by helping others. Like th escreen shot that Susan posted last week, the more you give others the less you help you find you need. We are filled by giving. I know that it is often a big circle of ridiculousness when trying to get assistance from the state or the county...many parents here too, are told they make too much to receive free lunches for their child but then paying for the lunches makes it hard to also be able to buy groceries or medicines if needed, so the Erica Fund often swoops in to assist in those cases.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Oh Tina.  I am so so happy for you. A good job and you get health care.  Will that include dentist and medications?  I don’t really understand your health care system.  Ours is all paid for everybody here. So you can get some counselling and maybe medication.  And making a decision even just a small one like what to do for Christmas is a huge step. It gives you a little bit of structure and something to prepare for and aim for.  How far away does your mom live? Just thinking about the day at hand is pretty much how I live still.  I know how quickly life’s hopes and dreams can all be gone (like all of us know) so I don’t set myself up anymore.  I’m not sure how others feel but the one day at a time approach works best for me.  I know you still have a lot of mountains to climb, but you just climbed a huge one getting that job.  Give yourself a pat on the back.  And remember we are all going to walk thru Christmas together. We will get thru. Congratulations again.  I am so happy for you.  Luanne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
InHeavensKeeping

Dee, Luanne and Sherry  thankyou for you for your words of hope and comfort Luanne I have two daughters and two grandchildren and one on the way. Charlotte is the youngest and does live at home she’s currently pregnant the baby is due May 6 th but due to her condition she will have to have it early and a C section. I have so much to be grateful for I truly know that but loosing James has just knocked me off my feet and battered me I feel broken and so sad he was such a gentle soul a good heart and he made our family he was the light and without him I feel dark and lost.  I’m try I gotta day by day and step by step but from August right through to March it’s just one thing after another bombarding there way through my now fragile life so hard to cope. 

I thank you all wanted to share this song. God Bless Georgina xxxx

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
TearsInHeaven

Tina, glad you got the job. Congratulations. I know things are pretty rough for you.  I wish I knew more about social services but the little I do know everyone has suggested. Try contacting your state representative' office. They should have a person who can put you in the right areas. Know that everyone here would move mountains for you if they could.

Laurie, thanks for the link. Beneficial. I am sure little Benton is so happy to be with you and your family--well  HIS too---surround by that circle of love. Sometimes good things can still happen. 

Susan, positive healing with each day better.

Sherri, says it well doesn't it. Same but different

So tomorrow is my cousin's son's service. Tim and I prepared all the music and pictorial memories. I thought it would be harder but we did ok. I think we both keep telling ourselves we are not the ones they sit on the sofa. We can do this. He has actually gone to a funeral since Michael. I know we can do this. I think that a month ago with  where I was I would have been a melted puddle on the floor. My cousin is in her 70's with COPD so I worry about  her. We all know you can only keep so much in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Dianne .  I wish you much strength tomorrow at the funeral.  I have been to a few visitations since losing Kira and it can’t help but take you back to that time. That is so nice of you to be helping your cousin.  And your right u will get thru.  Take care.  I’ll be thinking of you and your husband.  

Georgina. That is so nice you have your daughters and grandchildren but I know what you mean...as grateful as I am to have my two boys I still can’t get past that there is one missing.  If we had a hundred kids we would still feel the loss of the one that is gone.  Wishing that a crack of light breaks thru for you.  Take care.  Luanne

susan... how are you doing.  Hope your getting stronger each day.  

Kate. How’s the weather out there. We have a little snow but mostly just very cold.  

I bet all of you who have grandchildren are seeing all the excitement in their little faces.  I would love to have those days back again.  

Sherry. We did the same a small tree and a few decorations. But that’s more then I have done. I ask my boys  do you want me to decorate, etc. And they just say I don’t care.  Typical boy response.   I have spent six years de-christmastizing myself. Do you have family close by to visit?

wishing everyone a peaceful sunday

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

From Becky 

Hey Colleen, I know you post to Beyond Indigo occasionally, could you let my friends there know that I have not been able to sign in since getting a new phone! I have tried multiple times and even sent an email asking for help but no answer. I can read, but not post. Thank you!!

mainly just wanted to let folks know I’m thinking of them. I’m scheduled for eye surgery next week and don’t know how long before I will b able to read.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Luanne,

A small Christmas tree is a giant start.   you should be very proud of yourself.  Kira is smiling down on you saying "Thanks Mom for this small tree"

Colleen, Brians Mom forever

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Colleen, thanks so much for letting us know about Becky...we all were wondering how she was, kind of assuming that her vision prevented her from attending. Prayers to her for her next treatment. I hope too, that she can find a way to connect here on her new phone. And how are you? Are you home for the holidays or traveling?

To all, just got home from a nice walk, just thinking of all of our Angels and wishing everyone some sense of their peace. They are so peaceful inside.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Becky...if you can read posts....we are so glad to hear from you....wishing you healing with the next surgery. Wishing you and yours peace and comfort.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Becky.  Good luck with your surgery.  Hope it helps.  I think you had said that Jasmine had a new job awhile back. How is she doing. Will you be getting together for Christmas. Even if you can’t read for awhile; please know we will all be thinking about you.  Keep us updated when you can.

colleen. Thanks. My tree is really small and scraggly with a tiny set of lights on it. I buy the three kids initial ornaments and that’s all I have on it. I haven’t plugged it in yet and might not. My boys will be home and I just don’t know what they will be expecting.  I found a heart shaped ornament with a k and angel wings on for Kira.  I’m sure I will be taking it down on Boxing Day. I have been doing good at deflecting everything Christmas and Do not feel that magic Christmas feeling anymore. Your kids coming home for Christmas or do they still live at home? 

Kate. You probably watched the jets game but the the outside game in Ottawa is on too.  You gotta check out don Cherry’s hat. 

 

image.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Pretty ornament Louanne. I often find items with angel wings and purchase them. Those mean something to me. I know that the magical part of Christmas is gone for you now, it won't always be missing, though it will always be different. For now, this is enough. There is no time-clock in which you must feel differently. In time, it may feel more like a holiday again...if not, well, then not. The boys probably don't know what to expect either...so as you all find your footing with the holidays, may you find some goodness to share.

Becky, I sure hope that your vision is improved and that you are feeling well. Let us all know how the surgery goes as you are able.

Gretchen, you out there anywhere? You have been gone for a long while too.

To all those who we don't see often- may you know that we think of you here, miss your input, and wish you the very best. Shannon, Leah, Gretchen, Becky, Carol, Bonnie, Trudi, and so many others.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hey everyone been staying with my sick elderly aunt for a few days when she first came out of hospital so Im a bit out of the loop. 

georgina take care of yourself, health issues really get you down and I think when your defences are lowered that evil grief sneaks in again and torments you at your weakest. You are supported here by your friends we understand. 

sherry that quote said it all it was lovely. Being a grieving parent is certainly a rocky road with emotions that just swamp you out of nowhere but then there is a lull so you brush yourself off stand up and forge ahead.

dianne good luck at the funeral I know it will be hard and bring back stuff for you but you seem stronger than you were a month ago and that resolve gives you strength to be your cousin's guide and support. dee said it so beautifully That is why when on this site when you are able to offer some hand up to someone else, you often feel a bit of broken-ness finding a spot to fit back its jagged edge to another broken piece. We find our parts and fit them together and it is definitely helped by helping others.

tina so pleased you have found a job with benefits etc what a relief. I am sorry it is so difficult to find some assistance from the community. Just keep trying, google all your local charities and churches and see what comes up. your faith will help you find your way.

colleen thanks for giving us info on becky.

louann wow what progress you have made pat yourself on the back and give yourself praise for doing more this year. small steps but absolutely in the right direction. That ornament is gorgeous Kira will love it. I have two tree ornaments that I keep on my Tommy shelf in my family room all year round. One is a simple silver wind spinner with Tom written on it, that is what my kids called him when they were growing up, the other was given to me by the family Tommy lived with in hawaii. It is a silver heart that opens. On one side is a photo of tommy looking up at the sky in front of a beautiful waterfall on the other the inscription "Strength through pain" which is a large tattoo that he had on his chest. Although i was really reaaly mad that he got such a large tattoo knowing he would regret it one day I loved that inscription. When I have those soul wrenching tearful moments, I just repeat to myself "strength through pain" it is so very apt. pain whether it is physical or mental does give us strength in the long run, it teaches us our limitations at that time, and what we do to deal with it, what is effective and what is not. One of the most painful times in my life was actually giving birth to Tommy it was agonizing as the epidural failed. I knew I would need asssiatance and asked for forceps because I had laboured for hours and he was not coming out. One  painful episiotomy and forceps intervention later and with tremendous pushing there he was my 9lb 4oz little red head and i fell in love instantly knowing it was worth all that pain. he was a shoulder dystocia meaning his shoulders got stuck which is why it was so difficult. I needed a lot of stitches internally and externally and got an infection so I had to breastfeed standing up as my tail end was too swollen and sore. the first 2 weeks were rough but each day I felt more and more attached to that wonderful little baby he was worth every bit of pain and anxiety and stitch. that pain did not put me off and i had 3 more children each a different delivery and each adored from the moment I set eyes on them. then the devastating pain of THAT day, the news that he had been killed trying to save his friend and all the pain that came after, the funeral,, the mental breakdown, the failed suicide attempt, the agoraphobia, social anxiety then the multiple ankle surgeries. But i am still standing (metaphorically!!) and making my way. Strength through pain, I know it well......

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Amen to that Lesley, Strength through pain...indeed you know, we know, and your Tommy knew.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
TearsInHeaven

Good morning all.  The service yesterday was"unusual' to say the least.  The funeral home set up the table with the urn but then placed this huge kneeler in front of it so you could not see the urn.  The picture slideshow seems to bring some solace so we were pleased that worked out well. I saw a lot of tension in my cousin with the sadness overlay and I know she was working hard to handle it. They brought in a Catholic priest to do the service and it was bizarre.  He has on his cassock and cowboy boots and started talking about some lady that had no point to what was going on. Then he asks ---oh by the way how do you say his last name (the deceased)?  The worst part--- after the service my cousin and her husband were going with the funeral director to place the cremains privately in the niche located in the attached surrounding cemetery. They asked everyone to go to the restaurant and they would come after.  They were gone a long time.  It appears the urn the funeral company sold them did not fit in the niche that they also sold them.  My heart broke for them with all of these problems.  How does a supposedly reputable company let something like this happen?  I texted her this morning to see how she was and she said she felt energized.  I guess we all manage our grief uniquely.

Luanne, what a beautiful ornament.   A very special one for your special girl.

Lesley,  I think I will have to hold your quote in me,  Strength through pain......that says a lot for so many reasons.

Colleen,  how nice to have seen Brian's smiling face when I signed in.  So nice that you let us know about Becky. Becky, prayers and positive thoughts for your next surgery.

Leah, hoping the doctor is getting you on the mend.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Colleen, thanks for letting us know about Becky. Becky, if you can read at some point know that we are thinking of you. When you can let us know how things are going with training Maurice

Tina, I am so pleased you got your wish and a new job for the New Year. I hope it will all work out for you for a brand new beginning.

Sherry, thanks for sharing. So perfectly worded.

LouAnn, Don Cherry never fails to bring a gasp every time I see his attire. Gotta love that guy...he's been around for ions.

Dianne, it sounds as if the funeral was a bit disorganized for sure but how good that your cousin was to really aware of that. We all know how difficult that day is and how we tend to float through the day. It's a good thing it is behind her at this point.

Susan and Leah, how are you both feeling?

Lesley, how nice that your elderly Aunt has you to help along with her recovery. I guess postponing your surgery worked out in the long run as you are able to be there for her.

Dee, I bet the grandies are counting the days until Santa comes.

Thanks again to everyone who thought of Jeff this week. I had the opportunity to work with a man on Tuesday that also has cancer. Oral cancer to be exact. Half of his face on the right side had been removed and his entire cheek had been reconstructed. Speaking was difficult and yet he did not let it hold him back. He goes into the hospital again on the 22nd. for yet another surgery and was apprehensive. When we talk about strength through suffering I see that it makes us more humble, more compassionate and aware of the real beauty and true meaning of life. It is so easy to sink into a deep depression at this time of the year for many. For various reasons. Working to help others can be the greatest gift of all. It helps me to get my mind off of my own difficulties when I see that I am far from alone. That many have it so much more difficult and yet have such beauty of spirit despite their problems. I truly understand now the gift of giving far outweighs that of receiving. Jeff has taught me so much in his young life. He was an old soul for sure. I know that on Christmas Day he will be celebrating all of the wonderful beauty and joys of his new life. He truly earned it.

Love to All, Kate

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

And RIGHT ON to that Susan, sometimes just carrying on is the very best thing, it is enough. It leads you to a new day.

I just got home from my Sister's home where both of my sisters and all the kids and grandkids gather each year for the holiday. It was loud and fun, but my little Grand girl was not there nor her Mom, my little Dear is sick, a fever and some wheezing...went to the immediate care this morning and has an inhaler now. Poor Baby. She had to miss the big Santa gathering with her cousins on her Momma's side yesterday, and then this annual party with her cousins on our side...I just want her to get well, and she rested all day which is what she needed most.

Each year at the holiday, my siblings and nieces and nephews of which I have been blessed with many, sign a card and put money in it to help boost the Erica Reith fund, the fund in my Daughter's name that I have at the school where I teach. It is the school where both of my Kids went as little ones. I cry each year when I open the card...it is very very sweet. I love that they keep her in their hearts and honor her memory in this way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Sorry to hear the GRANDgirl is sicky.....for sure..rest is healing. I do believe the Eri Fund keeps going each year...because of the good that touches many. You and your Eri still have that Sacred connection.....you knew in your heart that your girl wanted you to 'use' her passing from this earth home in only good and worthy ways...to benefit children and families in large and small ways. You listened with your Mama's heart and spirit....it was tragic that she passed....but you didn't let it turn into a tragedy to tear up the very fabric of your family....or her memory. You allow her light to shine.

ScreenShot1629.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

dee the Eri fund is a wonderful idea you are correct that in helping others we help ourselves. Grief can make us very inward and self centred at times because we are trying so hard to hold it all together. That your family recognize a donation to her fund is the best gift of all. Hope your grandgirl gets better soon. Hopefully it will be over so she can enjoy the holidays.

susan the tip of the day was great I am going to copy it and post it on my bedroom wall to remind me.

dianne that certainly sounds like a series of errors at the funeral. I hope your cousin is ok with it all, that day is hard enough to get through without things going wrong. 

kate i had to quote you it was said so well " When we talk about strength through suffering I see that it makes us more humble, more compassionate and aware of the real beauty and true meaning of life. "

1f9badbc334a343132e89f14b0bcb387.jpg.792cc6faf2feea2f476e85fdf03165a1.jpg

25793fc83ccdd7632b3c1586a4ce361e.png.e7af4aebb41486ed26de9f48bf35ee02.png

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Lesley.....I do believe we are 'so brave'.....at some point...we realize we must 'carry on' ...now...how to carry on is the question that we...must figure out for ourselves...because we are all unique in the family dynamic. But the parents on this site have helped me in small and big ways in how to travel the grief journey. One of my son's...Jesse...is the one that said..'We all knew that if Mom could make it...so could we'.....and there was the reason I needed to not let the tragic passing of John David become a tragedy for the whole family. It was ok to be shattered. It was ok to cocoon in my grief and mourning. It was ok to slip into the dark and heavy despair. After a long period...bubbles of reasoning will pop up to reality. I describe those bubbles of reasoning like coming up for air....when drowning in that heavy dark hell that grief can build around one. One simply has to allow themselves to survive and to see the blessings they still have. I cherish every day and make sure my living/loving children know how I treasure them. We all suffered the loss of John David....we all will heal and honor his memory....together.

Here is Dee's shaft of light....it's message is 'hope'.....

I still have deep grief....I still mourn....and that is 'ok'.....I learn a little more each day...

ScreenShot1653.jpg

ScreenShot415.jpg

ScreenShot469.jpg

ScreenShot672.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Well all you other grinches, one more week of sappy Christmas carols, shutting all my curtains to keep the glare of the neighbours lights out at night, flicking off the stupid Christmas commercials and worst of all, all those nauseating cheery people on the streets and in the stores.  Six years of deprogramming myself from Christmas and I’ve almost done it. Now just gather myself up and rally around for my boys for a day.  I am so glad to have you with me this year, my first Christmas with my new special friends. I never thought there was anybody else out there who understood me.  Christmas so far hasn’t gotten to me this year, it hasn’t won , yet anyway. I have been strong in rejecting it.  I wish I could say the same for January 21st, Kira’s birthday. It starts around now slowly eating at me til that day.  Still those 2 days of the year we all go thru, have not found a way to survive yet. Wishing everyone a good nights sleep. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.