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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Tina, you are new on the road, so do not feel as though you should be where Kate or anyone else is on their journey, it is a slow process and one that takes a lot of patience with oneself and just time.

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Leah, how are you feeling?

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Laurie, Susan, Gretchen???where are you and are you okay?

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

I have just worked all week at my retail job and through Black Friday. I am still doing 2 jobs and caring for my grandson every other week. Holidays are hard and still we struggle through.
My mom has suffered a double child loss like myself, one infant , my sister was killed by being ran over in 2002 at age 42. The driver ran away and was later caught. Lately she  has been listening to recording by Dr. Bernie Siegel. He is an interesting doctor having cared for many child patients during the course of his career. I noticed his theme in approaching his patients is one of tender concern -- and a willingness to listen. I will post the video she is viewing now for those who might be interested.

I would add that be gentle with yourself during this time. Allow some down time and self care. The mind-body connection is not be underestimated. I find myself in the latter camp of one day looking forward to seeing my children...as I have known for a long time that life continues after this life. Sending gentle thoughts. 

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Such a hard week not many remembered only two family members with a text. My biggest fear now is coming truexxGod Bless xxx

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Happy Birthday sweet James, and know that your birth will always be the light in your Momma's heart. I should say Mum's heart. Sit near her and sing a little song that you and she shared when you were small...plant the seeds of wellness in her spirit and help her find her steps anew.

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I picked one heck of a time to walk away. With Christmas around the corner I find that I feel a need to stay in touch with everyone that is struggling.

Georgina, I know that as time passes it is easy to begin to feel that our supports are starting to slip away. The most important thing is that you hold close to the wonderful day that James came into your life. Your heart was filled with much love. Those memories will always belong to you and will not fade.

Laurie, please take extra careful care of yourself as well! You have given so much time and support over the years, but I would really like to hear that you are taking some of your own advice. :)

Tina, did you ever get those lights on your tree? If so, how did you do it? Pictures if you can.

Lesley, sorry to hear you are struggling with the loss of your dear friend. When do you have your operation? Will the kids be able to be at home to help you to manage? Very pleased to see Harry is engaged. She's cute and I believe a good choice for him.

Leah, what is the latest news with the kids? How are you feeling yourself?

Dianne...I know that tomorrow is Michael's angel day. I also know how hard it has been for you this past several weeks as it has been building up to that day. Please know that we all hold you in our hearts and thoughts tomorrow. I pray that your dear boy will fill your heart with love and peace. 

Jean, how are you managing?

Dee, beautiful weather here. Everything up but the tree. I imagine the kids are excited about the holidays. When does class finish for the holidays?

Colleen, thanks...I knew you would understand. Hope your Thanksgiving was a good one.

Hang in there everyone. Off to watch The Voice. 

Love to All, Kate

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Hi,

I was going to do the lights this weekend but reached out to a niece and that didn't go well. Then my other niece text me calling me a bitch, dramatic and was told "f*** you". So there was that. Then today at work, was told we didn't get the 5year contract so as of January 1st, I don't have a job. Lovely. This has sent me in a downward spiral. Came home early to do my resume and apply for jobs. 

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Sounds as if you had a day from hell. It always seems to come in bunches as we often find. I hope that you will get a good sleep tonight and waken refreshed and ready to start a fresh new day with your job hunting. Good luck. Often when a door is closed a window opens up  directing us in a new direction. 

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Kate, so good to see your return and yes, a good time to be here...your support is invaluable. Good weather here too, though I like winter weather and worry that we won't have snow again this year...oh well, it was nice for my students to get out and play hard in the sunshine today. We stay in schoo lall the way to the 22nd...which I love since then our break is more of the quiet part of the holiday break.

Tina, while it all sucked-big-time, you went home and put your resume togethter...this is a good step, a positive step and I would bet your Sweet Angel is proud of your decisions. Just remember that you already had the hardest crap happen, so this can't destroy you...you are still standing after the saddest loss, you can handle this. Though I do know that extra stress is not needed. I wish you goodness, nieces who apologize and a job that surpasses your wildest hopes.

Lesley, goodness knows that grief on its own can take us down, but the holidays can amplify these sadnesses and then the loss of your sweet Michael, your Boy's buddy, well it is bound to take your heart out and stomp all over it. Remember that  you have worked very hard to get to today, so know that you will find your footing again and that taking several steps back does not mean you will stay there, we yo-yo and we find our way back tt hard-fought place we were when we got knocked down again.

Laurie, I sure hope that you can carve out a bit of time for you, but I sure do know that you are working toward something worth all the sunshine in the world; your family being under one roof. My prayers for you, positive hopes your way. I have long 'preached' the mind/body connections and how we often don't realize that one deeply affects the other. Please do your best to capture some deep breathing times each day, some sunshine on your face, some deep rest and good food to help sustain you as you go along.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

ALL, we have just received the news that we basically won the case to keep our grandson, Benton. He is now 4 years old, coming up on 5 in February. Thanks to all who supported me here! 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Tina, I am sorry for the way your niece treated you. A grief counselor said, that too only keep those people in your life that will truly be in your corner. The body is already under trauma, and  these types of attacks you need to protect yourself against. Prayers for a new job. I too left my job after I lost my son. Prayers.

Thanks Kate for your response and for Dee too. I am taking vitamins still, and do the practice of grounding as recommended by my mom. (where you stand out on bare ground with your bare feet, only on warm days now! ) Dr. Bernie Siegel had some good recommendations for self - care in his video.

Susan, you okay out there?

Georgina, I am sorry not many remembered James Birthday. My daughter and I always thought how handsome he is and how much he looks like your hubby. 

 

 

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Kate, happy you are still here.  You are always write words that stick to my heart.  

Dee and Kate..  I am still not feeling real well.  I know I am catching something, not sure I will make it til after the social workers.  They called me yesterday afternoon and cancelled, they said they had an out of town appointment that was forgot.  I feel like I get the run around.  Not sure it will even make a difference.  Sena is so tore up inside about staying there so she can see her mom and brother.. and so much of her wants to be here.  Right now she is thinking of staying there... but I want to finish the home study in case something happens and she needs me.. so hopefully Friday I will have them out of my brain...   sure wish there were handbooks on what to do.  

Tina so sad to hear how things are going.   I sincerely hope that your job search lands you something you enjoy..  You may not feel like it but your doing amazing..  like Dee said, you came home to work out your resume..  that is a big step and your girl is right by your side.

Laurie..so very glad to hear about your grandson.. he looks like quite the charmer..  

Thinking of you Georgina..  I am bad with dates.. but my thoughts are with you.  

I think I am going to lay down a bit..  hope everyone is doing as well as they can..  hard time of year

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GLORIOUSITY Laurie, what grand news, really grand. That photo shows that Angels have a way of entering our lives in such good ways, a ray of light...a pink cloud, you name it, it seems sometime that these are angels in our lives.  I am very glad for this news of Benton being in your care.

Leah, I am sorry that Sena is torn up over the latest lack in movement on the state's part. Not fair, but it has always been this way, this dragging of the feet, as though lives don't matter much at all. We know differently however, we know how precious lives are, how sacred days and weeks can be. Prayers. And hope that you feel much better very soon.

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InHeavensKeeping

I thank you all for support and good wishes. Laurie I’m so happy for your good news he looks adorable as big as his fish. Thank you so much for the pic it’s just lovely with Roses added xxx

Dee thank you James does still send me the Robins.  I know there from him as they appear suddenly out of nowhere to cheer me up.  Xx

Kate I’m also so relived your staying with us thank you your support has been invaluable to me.  I never thought about the day James was born I was feeling so low missing him so much that still the good memories don’t come  just all the bad ones and the heartache xxx

Leah thank you  xX

God  Bless have a peaceful day xxx

 

 

 

 

 

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Laurie, I am over the moon that you have won your case. I also see sweet little Benton wearing his Nana t-shirt. You have worked long and hard to ensure that precious little guy will have a positive future. Celebrate like never before!

Oh Leah, how I wish we could resolve this situation for you quickly. I know how stressed you are. Please try to take care of yourself. We are here for you.

Georgina, thanks. I feel very blessed to have met so many wonderful people on this site. 

Tina, how are you today? Have you thought of looking somewhere in an Art Gallery, or perhaps a store? You clearly have a talent. Perhaps taking a course would lead you in a new and exciting direction. 

Lou Ann, Susan, hope you are Ok.

Dianne, sending wishes for a day filled with warm and beautiful memories of your sweet Michael.

We just returned from a lovely walk through the woods... albeit a hasty one... as the sun was starting to set. We took oiled sunflower seeds into an area to feed the little chickadees. They followed us all the way as if in a Disney movie. One even landed on my head. I am pleased to report that the Xmas tree is a beauty in the Healing Garden. We drove past as we came home. We bought new lights for it and I know that Jeff would really love that baby! He was always a Christmas hound. Tomorrow I tackle the tree. Sending love to everyone for a very relaxing and peaceful evening. Hang in there!

Kate :)

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thanks Leah, Dee, Georgina and Kate for the well-wishes on Benton. It is a tremendous relief. 

Kate, if you can, post the Christmas tree pic.

Susan, are you okay? Miss your posts.

Dianne, sending gentle thoughts.

Leah, I know how hard it is. Are any of the grandchildren over at 16 years old? They may be able to opt for emancipation. here is a link http://www.crckids.org/child-support/child-emancipation/

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Hello  to  all   INDIGOS.

Dianne------Thinking of you on this day......your dear son, MICHAEL's Angel Day....

 

HAPPY   HEAVENLY   BIRTHDAY ......JAMES......ANGEL  IN   HEAVEN.

Georgina----I'm sorry I missed James birthday....(I've been under the weather a bit),

but his shining light will always be with you....always.

 

Leah-----Sending prayers for your health, and for success with the visits from the agencies.

Laurie-----so glad that you won the case to keep your sweet little grandson, Benton. Thanks

for the adorable pic of Benton trying his hand at fishing....and catching that big fish.:D

Kate-----so glad that you decided to jump back in to BI.  I've come to really look forward to

your uplifting posts with such wisdom, and also.....your nice descriptions of the weather and surroundings

in your area, and the activities in your town.

Tina-----so sorry for the awful times you are having, and for the really nasty words from your niece.

Sending thoughts & prayers that things will look up for you very soon.  Peace to you, friend.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

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MICHAEL-this date a sword through the heart for your Momma, Dad, and Sister...you are so very much missed Sweet Man, and forever loved of course, just as you forever love your family. Let them feel you near, whether it be a cardinal at rest near your loved ones, or a rainbow, or a song...just let them know Sweet Boy/Man.

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finally made my dr appointment Tuesday morning :-( should have called sooner. 

Thanks Dee.. it is hard for her...   I hope Friday comes and goes quickly

Laurie, thanks..  Sena is the oldest, she is only 15..   she is growing fast but she still has the heart and a lot of characteristics of a child.   I think I might have been a little overprotective of her over the years..  

Diane, thinking of you.. 

Kate, Sherry..  everybody.. thanks so much for caring.  I am just waiting for it all to fall apart.  

My daughter came to visit yesterday...  I fear everytime she is on that road..  she never stayed long, but she is looking healthy, she still doesn't have a court date.  I wish so much it was all settled.. wish the judge said they all had to live with me..  (though I know that opens a new door to stress)

My two granddaughters from another daughter have been fighting publically on face book..   breaks my heart.  I jumped them both public...  told them to basically grow up... they are the only sisters they have..  I won't let them put me in the middle..  as it is.. Sena has seen the fight and it hurts her soul.. she said to me.. Grams.. I would do anything to have my sister back.. and they are wasting time fighting with each other.  I told her sometimes adults misbehave.. I asked her not to get involved..  just told her that sometimes adults do childish things..

The wind is terrible here..  expecting 60 mile an hour gusts.. this old house rattles so much anyway...   I hope everyone is safe..  ..  at peace..  and health continues..  

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Diane I am thinking of you today Michael let your mum know your near today.

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InHeavensKeeping

That’s ok Sherry hope your feeling better thank you gxxx

 

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georgina  you will always remember your boy  and he is still with you. I think people forget birthdays more than angel dates but it does not mean that your boy is not thought about by family and friends. We will be here to remember along with you.

kate glad you are back your thoughtful insights are very soothing. I missed the group when i was absent and have lots of posts to catch up on.

dianne I am also thinking of you and hope you are doing ok. The holiday season kind of magnifies everything, there are lots of family orientated adverts etc which make you more aware of the empty seat and missing member in photographs.

Well I am back after a while having processed the emotions I was being overwhelmed by. As dee put so accurately when she said your heart feels stomped over. This was a major loss and a very close connection to Tommy which I think tipped the balance. It was quite scary falling down again feeling very emotional and a bit out of control. I know my family were all worried but I just asked them to allow me some space and time to grieve. Sleepless nights did not help my fragility either. Still I think I am back on my feet again and determined to face the holiday season keeping busy with gift buying and wrapping etc. being honest about what is going on I believe is key especially to our newer members who may think some of us have it pretty sussed when in reality we are paddling madly beneath the surface too. It is important to give hope and share stories of being ready to move on as well.

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Lesley, I am pleased to hear back from you. I was getting a little worried. I totally relate to your falling down after suffering yet another close loss. Our broken hearts can only handle so much. Coupled with this time of the year... it was bound to take a toll on your emotions. Good to see you handling it like a trooper. It doesn't matter how many years have passed I find that this is one of the most difficult times of the year to manage my emotions. I agree that family togetherness is all around us and it can be very hard for someone that does not have that kind of support. I have to tell you something funny. Yesterday my husband asked me or appeared puzzled as I had left the site. He said that knowing me it was probably some long winded goodbye. And there I was a couple of days later back. He had to laugh that the ladies welcomed me back as if I had been gone for months.  You see... I need you people as much as I hope that I can be of comfort to all of you. There is a common understanding that simply nobody can begin to connect with beyond here on the site. The battle of emotions run rampant and vary on a daily basis.

Leah, how are you feeling today? I hope you are starting to get ahead of this lung issue. It was very windy here yesterday in the morning. It settled down by afternoon and last evening we had a very pleasant dusting of fluffy white snow. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will hear good news about the kids before too long.

Sherry, I have been doing something that I never thought I would do. There is a family of foxes that live not too far. They have started to become quite tame and actually walk up our sidewalk and across the property. Lately I have been feeding them. I know I should probably not be doing that, but they are so friendly and cute. One is limping quite badly. A lady spoke to me the other day about not feeding them as there is a bear roaming the area these days and I am perhaps going to attract it by the scent of the food. Now I hate to stop feeding them as they have become used to their daily meal. Not sure what to do

Thinking of everyone and hoping your day is a peaceful one.

Kate 

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Kate, foxes are cute, but I hate to think of a bear walking across your front yard...only cause I don't want you to be injured...so maybe take the food further away each time you feed them...so that they are back where you are not.

Good to see everyone, love you ALL. Busy with teaching and getting report cards ready and getting the gifts for the family we adopted. THe class and I sent the orders in and then there are some things I have to purchase at stores for a better price, and due to the amazing amount of funds gathered, I took two names off of a tree at WHOLE FOODS: the names are of kids that live in an orphanage/foster home nearby. The kids sizes and wishes are on the ornament...so we have two kids to add to our family of three. IT is most lovely. Babysitting later today and Saturday.

 

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HELLO  TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

As we all approach  the holidays,  each one of us has feelings of stress, anxiety, and

sorrow. Sending up prayers that we all can somehow find the strength to get us through

the times.....(though sometimes it seems like such a long stretch).....and draw on our

dear memories of our darlings.....the treasures that we hold dear, and that no one can

ever take from us.  Wishing everyone peace and comfort.

 

Kate-----Oh,...those dear little foxes.  So tempting to care for them...especially when

they are small, or injured.  I guess that the food could attract a bear or two.....scary.

Maybe as Dee said....just move the feed farther away from your house each time.  We

have seen foxes around here, once in awhile, but never very close to the house. They keep their distance.

They are such pretty animals.  I have a small statue of a little fox on my front windowsill.  :mellow:

 

Dee-----Really busy time for teachers, huh?   Have fun babysitting your grandies. 

 

Leah-----Sorry to hear your granddaughters are spatting. Maybe they'll resolve their differences

soon and make up. I hope so.....you are wise not to get in the middle of it. Hope you'll feel better very soon.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

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Cheryl, Tony's Mom

Hello All,

The Holiday, oh the holidays.  This will be my 2nd holiday season with Tony.  I now realize the 1st was a blur.  This 2nd one has hit me like a MAC truck.  

Please pray for me as I attempt to go to my 1st group support.  The individual was not for me.  I will keep each one of you in my prayers daily.

Cheryl,

Tony's mom

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TearsInHeaven

Hello to all, ----I haven't been lying in a sleeping bag in an open field under the stars---I wasn't stabbed by a grifter,--I haven't been trampled by a herd of animals--nor contracted hypothermia--- (ok, I read that somewhere and thought it was poignant) but I have had a lot of soul searching. These few weeks have been brutal and raw with a lot of introspection in my heart and tenderness to surround my head.  Sure didn't expect this black hole to swallow me.  I hope I can be  a positive voice with a tender heart to those who find themselves on this frightful journey we are all walking.

Thank you Kate, Laurie, Sherry, Dee, Leah, Georgina and Lesley for expressing kind thoughts about Michael on his angel date and/or me.  You all are my beacons in  a dark  path.

Georgina- James' birthday will never be forgotten.  It will always hold a special date on the calendar.                                                                                                                              Leah, sorry for the additional stress with your granddaughters and the change in the state"s (?) home visit.  Most importantly you need to take care of yourself.  If you are not well you need to do what you need to do to get well.                                                                                                                                                                                                       Laurie- congratulations on the fantastic news of having your grandson get to stay with you. Hoping you can finally exhale.  Give yourself a chance to feel those wonderful feelings.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Tina, this journey is a bear with so many ups and downs.  Certainly, my issues are because of me. You are a part of a group that will hold you when you need it and champion your steps whether they are big or small.  Sorry to see about your job problem.  You will come out on top.                                                                                              Kate, not sure where your decision came from to leave but I am glad you changed your mind.  You have been such a solid support  for me and many others.                      Lesley, first of all let me say the you Never failed anyone here.  Your kindness and compassion reaches out to everyone who comes here in their darkest hour.  I had hoped and still hope that we resolved any misunderstanding because I certainly wanted to do that---off the grid..... I really identified to your snippet on that ....                   Dee, your kindness  and friendship is more appreciated than you know.

We honored Michael's day by visiting his tree and doing a balloon release.     His balloons flew high and set off in the direction of our home.  We were about 6 miles away so it made us smile.  Michael had sent a sign on Thanksgiving that I am holding on to with both hands. Even though the date really changes every year for the US Thanksgiving, I will always feel his loss on the Friday after Thanksgiving...kind of a double whammie.  Today was sunny and on Sunday we are expecting 64F.  A little warmth and sun is good for my soul.     

Cheryl- I know that MAC truck feeling.    Just had a 3rd mark and I am shaky but on my feet.  Good luck with your group.  ----and you and Tony always have my prayers.   Jean- getting through a birthday and a holiday----good for you.  Wesley is smiling down on his mom.

Susan....Luanne-- positive thoughts sent your way.                                                                

 

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Amen Dianne, that yes, you are still standing, and to all the wonderful ways you shared your last few weeks with us...sometimes we have to walk on tiptoes and sideways on this path in order to make it across some of the terrible pits we tend to feel ourselves falling...and sometimes we fall in and let ourselves figure out new ways to climb out. THose new ways build pathways in our spirits and souls, like ladders that we can use again and again if need be...so sometimes in those darkest times, we are building a stairway to the light. So glad to hear from you tonight.

Leah, the grandkids arguing is sad but you can't fix it. It is a waste of time and energy and a slap to Sena to see two sisters not hold dear to the fact that they have a sister...but if they can't already see that, I don't see that anyone telling them this would help. You get to the doctor and just put your health as #1 if you can. It isn't selfish, it is necessary.

Cheryl, 2nd year of holidays with the first one foggy???we all get that...this is why so many say that the second year is harder in many ways, becuause the fog has lifted and without it, nothing is softened. May you find goodness in all those around you and sweet memories that can offer you a glimpse, a reminder that the love that was present in your daily world, is still present, but just different. The love is forever, nothing can take that away.

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Hello all,

I have been reading and my thoughts and prayers are with everyone struggling  with the holidays approaching.   I have found that every year is different .    This is our 6th Christmas without Sarah.  I have put up a tree and decorated every year, but this year I just don't have it in me.    I will celebrate with the family and enjoy thiers.   I am learning that it is ok to do what I feel able to do and not what may e expected OF me.

We had yet another death in the family.   A week ago my Husbands oldest sister died.  She had a stroke.  She was 85 and lived a good lfe, but will be missed.    The funeral was yesterday in Indianapolis 2 hours away.    I decided we needed to take my hubby as this may be the last time he will be able to travel or even know his siblings.  It was a difficult day.   We went with Rachel and her van was more comfortable than my Saturn, which was good.   He did know we were at her funeral and he seemed to enjoy seeing his sisters, but he was detached from what was going on around him in a way only dementia can manifest.   May be a blessing.     He was very confused with awful mobility ability.    A clear indication that we will not be traveling much more.
 

My two very close friends battling cancer are not doing well at all.      The young woman, Heather,  is good friends of Rachel and Sarah and is like another daughter to me and her mom is my closest friend and they watched as we went through our loss and are now living it themselves.  It breaks my heart  to watch and to know what the days ahead hold for them.   She hopes to make it until Christmas is over, but I don't know if she will be here that long.  She is so sick.     The other friend Deb, has an agfressive  lung cancer and her outcome is also very poor also.   So much pain.    

Tomorrow is Sarah's 39th birthday.   She has been gone 5 1/2 years but it seems like just yesterday, yet at times much longer.   I have always worked on her birthday and the anniversary of losing her and have been fine with that, but I feel as if I need to take the day off this year, so I am off tomorrow.   Maybe reliving hard memories  are making it more difficult.    I so want to feel her presence.  I have no clue what I am going to do but will do something to honor my girl.   Maddie and Becca will be spending the night and they like having a birthday cake for their  mama, so I will get a small cake and we will celebrate her .

My thoughts and prayers are with each of you.   I am so thankful I found this site and feel close to everyone here.

Have a restfull night.

Sandy

 

 

 

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Sandy dearone, you are following your heart and honoring your spirit by doing what feels right. A tree is not always what we want or need for the holidays, I have only put up one tree since Erica died 14.5 years ago...and the one time was because my Son wondered if it would feel good, this was well before he married and had kids of his own, so he and I went out to get one, he put up his LGB train around it, he helped me decorate and then left, he was low when he left, it felt good at the time but he fell flat afterwards...so did i. though it was fun and it was beautiful. Putting it away is the hardest part for me...I avoid it because I know that it helps me get through the holidays with less anguish. Packing away those ornaments is like packing away my Daughter again and again...maybe this year we will get a tiny tree and just use some newish ornaments or decorate our Ficus tree again. My Son and his wife and Kids have a lovely tree up already and we enjoy that very much. One must make the changes that you feel necessary for a better outcome...

Sandy, a good friend of mine is also very ill, she has been a brave soldier with cutting edge treatment for her cancer and has done nicely for about 1.5 years, but by the time she was diagnosed she was stage 4 melanoma, so this treatment gave her this time, now there are big issues with spots on both her brain and liver. Prayers for her and for your sweet friend and your friend's Daughter. Deep prayers for them, and for you as you go back to that so sad time in your lives as this Girl mimics the same sad ending. I am so proud of you Sandy, don't know who of us could have done what you did to provide your Husband that time with his sisters for the funeral of another. You are far stronger than you ever knew you had to be, and my hat is off to you.

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sandy how thoughtful to have a cake for your grand daughters so they can celebrate their mum's birthday. I wish you peace tomorrow a bittersweet day for you all. to have two such close friends battling advanced cancer must be so hard for you. I do not get why some people do not get a break from worry and sorrow. It was so thoughtful of you to take your husband all that way for his sister's funeral so he could spend time with his siblings. dementia is a cruel cruel disease as you sadly know snatching away memories and physically disabling too. i hope you took lots of photos so you can reignite his memories of his family.

dee just do what feels right to celebrate the holidays. Sometimes new things are good, and sometimes the old traditions feel best, and each year can be different as we all progress further on the road toward healing. I hope everyone posts pictures so we can all share each other's choices, that would be kind of special. I am sorry your friend is so unwell, cancer is the pits. Your words to Cheryl were just beautiful May you find goodness in all those around you and sweet memories that can offer you a glimpse, a reminder that the love that was present in your daily world, is still present, but just different. The love is forever, nothing can take that away. 

leah it is distressing to hear your grand daughters fighting online but you always fight more with those you love as part of that sibling thing. you need to take care of you and let them figure it out, and they will. I am sorry, you must feel so frustrated that things are taking so long to work out when you know family belong together. here is hoping things soon change and you too can have a successful outcome with your sena

dianne i always think of balloons as freeing as they float up to the sky. How lovely to get a sign on Thanksgiving, treasure it because signs are so special. I had one the other day. I was looking for charity xmas cards but in all the stores I visited, they were all a bit expensive. Finally i found some in a local cheap store, three packs for the price of two, and one of the three charities they give proceeds to was called Tommie's and was a children's charity. Meant to be I think. Dianne yes I feel we have definitely reconnected, thank you for your kind words I think it took me a while because i was in a dark place and I cannot say enough how glad I am that you have come back!

tina having job issues is not pleasant and i sincerely hope some good opportunities come your way. Sometimes a change is forced upon us but ultimately it can be a good thing even if it is scary at first.

laurie how fantastic that your grandson will be coming to you, the relief must be huge. Enjoy all being together.

cheryl the second holiday for me too was incredibly hard, more so than the first because I too was out of it. This will be my third this year and I find myself approaching it in a more positive frame of mind because I am adjusting and I want Xmas to be a special time again. Good luck with the group, you may be a little more ready now as time has gone on, and you have found some more valuable inner strength. please let us know how you get on ok?

kate I am glad you missed us and came back, I really feel we are a strong community together. I used to have a family of foxes in my yard in the USA and loved watching them too. Sherry your words perfectly sum up the holidays, thank you . As we all approach  the holidays,  each one of us has feelings of stress, anxiety, and

sorrow. Sending up prayers that we all can somehow find the strength to get us through

the times.....(though sometimes it seems like such a long stretch).....and draw on our

dear memories of our darlings.....the treasures that we hold dear, and that no one can

ever take from us. 

georgina hope you are doing ok?

To all the other indigoes that I may have forgotten to name personally keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.

15672740_690154827812334_1118857710551876730_n.jpg.14fcfc2f01dc0589b48961405cdeefd5.jpg

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ok technical question for computer peeps. on the main page I have all these weird chinese posts by adam19976. They just came up and I want to know how to block this user as it appears to be possibly a virus thing? help!! my language settings on the forum are obviously set to English.

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Sandy, I am so sorry that you have so much on your plate to deal with. I was so pleased to see that you did indeed decide to take Kelly to the funeral. A very special time to reconnect with his siblings. I hope he car issue worked out well. I think of your friends often and pray that they will soon find relief from their suffering. I bet the Grandies are getting excited about Santa coming. 

Diane, it is good to see you back. We all know how hard this time can be. I had thought that perhaps I no longer had anything to offer the site. I felt that as my posts were almost too upbeat that it was in some way disrespectful to people that are newly grieving. Also, I felt that I needed to focus on my husband and his health.

Sherry and Dee, thanks for the advice regarding the foxes. We are used to nature surrounding us. Wild animals inhabit the woods all around me. Bears are something that we are familiar with. They normally do not roam too much in inhabited areas unless they are searching for food. The crazy weather patterns have set them on a new course. They will walk along the beach at times and head up into peoples yards. We carry bear spray when we go for our hikes in the more secluded areas. They should be going into hibernation soon. The foxes are adorable. I was concerned as one had a very bad limp and appeared to be suffering. They certainly are cleaning the food up from what I have observed.

I put the tree up the other day and it went fairly well. It is not very big and is easy to decorate. I have a traditional tree that holds many ornaments that hold sentimental meaning to me. I will admit to feeling somewhat teary eyed a few times while doing the job. It was worth it as hubby had been really enjoying sitting and looking at the lights.

I can not believe that it is December already. December comes from the Latin word decem which means ten... because it was the tenth month in the early Roman calendar. It just seems like yesterday that I was working in my garden. With any luck it will be a short and mild winter. It certainly will be a white one!

Thinking of you all and sending warm wishes for a peaceful weekend.

Kate

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Sherry, Dee, Leslie, Sandy, Diane, Cheryl, Kate, Laurie, Georgina, Tina Gretchen ..  also to everyone I haven't mentioned.. my heart is thinking of our angels...  been a sleepless night.  I will see the dr on Tuesday..  I am taking it easy this weekend... 

I passed the home study yesterday..  and now we wait to see what they are willing to do for the family.  I did it for Sena.. for JaBoa..  one battle at a time.  Wish I knew the future but we aren't allowed to see that.   I want nothing but good things for my family.. guess if I had my way they would all be under my roof and I could protect them.  It doesn't work that way either..  Besides.. I had them all here once and I know that didn't help me at all.. didn't help them either...  

I just pray that everybody finds their way..  finds peace.. finds love..  nothing is easy.. but we gotta go one foot at a time.

Thank you all for your thoughts..  going to try to go back to sleep..  

 

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TearsInHeaven

Lesley,  I had the same  chinese type listings the other day.  I closed out and the next time I wet in they were gone.  However, since I have been seeing some ads in Chinese. Wasn't sure if ModKonnie needs to know.

Kate, I am all for your mild winter.  We are supposed to get snow sometime next week.... but Sunday is supposed to be warm.

So, for some of you, you might remember that I have a cousin... she is the only close family member I have ( not counting my husband and daughter) Somehow or another she got a call yesterday from her son's boss. He told her that he was told by her son's landlord that her son died.  Big convoluted story but she and her husband (stepfather to son) went to Chicago to see what was going on.  They had been estranged for some time. Sure enough they tracked things down and sadly her son was listed as an unknown and had actually died 11/19.  My heart breaks for her.  Her son was in his fifties and had had some personality issues but from what she heard things seemed ok.  He used to talk to his stepfather on rare occasions.  Losing her son is tragic as we all can relate but to find that he was unidentified all this time I know has broken what was left of her resolve.  Don't know much about the whys and wheres but that is not mine to ask.  Mine is to support her through this difficult time.  If you have some prayers for her, I know she could use them.

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Oh goodness Dianne, prayers are being sent to your cousin, to surround her at this very hard time. When so much is unresolved, it makes grief more complicated and so I will hope that she can find the love and the goodness of her Son and be able to move forward in some ways that will be healthy and hope-filled. It is astounding how many adults live out their lives with so little connection to the world around them...mental illness or personality issues and after a time, folks find that they are fairly alone. My brother is like this too, haven't spoken to him for 3 years because of these issues that make him hard to be around. I am sorry for your cousin, and I hope that you  are able to help her through this sad time.

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Good evening, all!  It's been a few years since I have visited the site.  For three years, I've labored.  My daughter Ayanna, left a plethora of poems, in addition to other creative gifts.  I promised in her sickness and death...I would SHARE her with the world.  During those three years, remiss from this site and other grieving sites, I compiled, sorted, sifted, selected, read and typed over 400 of Yana's many poems.  Two days prior to Thanksgiving, my Yana's BOOK, Remember ME Always, was published.  This week, I received both a hardcover and paperback of her book.  "A promise GIVEN.  A promise KEPT."   Her poetry anthology offers a little something for ALL readers!  

(I might add--this was the BEST therapy I could have ever had!)   Reading her writings, brought tears, which aid in my soul; and, laughter and smiles at other times.  I have thanked both my Yana and my Almighty for allowing this to come to fruition.  What a dynamic holiday gift to receive.  I  HAVE INCLUDED LINKS TO PREVIEW HER WRITTEN WORK. (It has been a while  on this site, hope I am doing the right thing on it.  :)

May I wish all...a safe, blessed and happy holidays!!

https://www.archwaypublishing.com/Bookstore/BookSearchResults.aspx?Search=remember me always

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/remember-me-always-ayanna-jenelle-guyhto/1127507681?ean=9781480850910&st=DIS&sid=BNB_DRS_LowerFunnel_2015

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Hi,. I've seem have entered a depression state. I'm wondering if anyone has ideas about medications I might seek. I don't want to be all non feeling but need something to help me not want to sleep all the time. My body is beginning to hurt from laying around. It's my skin when I get up. I know it's not healthy and my son is suffering too. I'm going to go see a doctor but would like anyone's experience with certain ones to possibly stay away from. Any ideas would be appreciated. Thank you

I also have an interview at the woman's prison for a patient care tech. The niece that didn't call me names said "it could be therapeutic" for me. I don't know about that but hopefully it goes well. I'll keep everyone informed. 

Tina

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Tina, meds are as individual and specific as we each are. What one person had good luck with may cause the opposite with another person. THis is something that only you and a doctor can figure out, sometimes it takes time and a few trials before the right meds are found. The job of working in a prison may be a good one but it may also be depressing. Again, only you would be able to discern the ways it may affect you. I am glad that  you are going to your Doctor, and realize that going on meds does not mean you always have to stay on them, just really follow up with your Doctor with going on slowly and weaning off slowly under their care as well. Is your Son seeing a doctor? Do you feel he needs some therapy? There is nothing easy about the first few years after this kind of loss, but all the work you are doing is the work that will find you one day feeling like life is still worth living. Peace Tina.

Wow Ayanna's Mom, it is good to see you again. You went to a great deal of heart felt work to do this work of getting your Girl's work published. I look forward to reading the work that your Girl left the world to read and to feel. I wish you goodness.

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It has been a lovely weekend regarding our weather. Very mild and temps just to my liking. We took the opportunity to go into Gimli early afternoon to grab a cup of coffee at a local coffee house. The place was packed with holiday shoppers stopping to gather their thoughts before continuing on with their activities. Everything appears to be decorated to the hilt. We decided to go for a beautiful walk along the trail that leads to Jeff's bench. As always we carried our supply of oiled sunflower seeds for our cheery little friends. They followed us again to the spot where we feed them. One little guy even hopped down by my feet and sat there staring at me. He was anything but timid. Then he flew up into a branch and sat staring me down. What a cutie he was. So tame and anything but afraid. We had a fog last night and the trees and low lying bushes were covered in a spectacular hoar frost. Oh, how pretty. It was so peaceful and calm on our walk. We sat briefly on the bench. I will admit to feeling a particularly deep sad aching when I think of Jeff right now. It is hard to believe that so many years have passed since I last saw him. He is missed dearly, but I know he is with us on those walks and every special task that we set out to accomplish. Especially at this time of the year. We came home and I turned on the lights to our tree and the garland. Hubby is doing a sudoku puzzle and I am sitting here listening to a lovely classical channel on our digital radio from Manchester England. Beautiful soft Christmas choral music. If it starts to get too much I will turn it off. it does get better with time. I am so happy to see that Ayanna's mom kept her promise to her sweetheart to publish her poems. How beautiful and what a lovely tribute.

Wishing you all the peaceful beauty of the season. Kate

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Kate, I am so glad for your peace-filled weekend, complete with birds that sit nearby. Lovely. Thanks for sharing. I can pretty much see you there, you and Ross, strolling along the path, and Gimili sounds so quaint and pretty. Cheers.

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Mermaid Tears

Hello Dear Friends....I went into the hospital on November 19....just got out on Nov. 30th. Have an obstruction in between my stomach and small intestine...after many tests and biopsys...it is a polyp...prior to going into the hospital...I had weird symptoms....I would vomit every night...I finally came to the conclusion that either my stomach was not digesting food or not going into my digestive system....I am somewhat different than most...I have to watch my weight to make sure I don't lose too many pounds...my parents always had a hard time keeping weight on me....anyway...in the hospital I had a NG tube through my nose..going into my stomach to drain all the 'acid and gunk'..pic line to give me nourishment....am home for now....the inflammation around the obstruction has gone down a lot....all I can have is liquid diet/full liquid diet. will be going back for tests on the 13th....to see if and when surgery should be. I have lost so much weight...but I am moving around slowly...and Daniel and Jeremy are taking wonderful care of me...also my daughter...thankful she is a nurse. Spent Thanksgiving in the hospital...but my sweet family came there. Been a long road but thankful to be where I am.

Laurie....I read where you have custody of your grandson....grateful for that news. What a great Christmas gift !!

Dianne...sorry I could not send you care and compassion on your boy's angel date...was thinking of you.

I told my family that when I was well...I am going to eat a hamburger and tacos EVERY day !!

Many parents are facing the holidays for the first time....we so understand...it is 'do-able' but hard. Do not expect too much from yourself or others...but don't hide under the bed. Do take care of your other children....and family....just so they know they are still very special.

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Susan, oh how glad we are to hear from you. I was worried. When an important part of our community suddenly goes AWOL we get concerned. I am sorry that you have had such a rough time. Still I am very pleased that they got down to the bottom of things and with care will be corrected. Please take extra good care of yourself. 

The music I was listening to was turned off pronto by hubby when it got too drippy. He decided to play Adele. Won't argue with him. I do like her music. 

Dianne and Sandy, my heart goes out to your friends during this very difficult time. We will keep them in our prayers that they will soon find peace. It must be heart wrenching for you both to stand by as the memories come flooding back. 

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TearsInHeaven

Goodness, Susan, so glad to see you post but certainly sorry for your illness. You were definitely missed and glad you are back and taking care of yourself.  If I remember from all of your pictures you are a slight woman so you cannot lose too much weight.  Hoping you get a good outcome and get back on your feet.  Positive thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Thanks Dee and Kate for positive thoughts for my cousin.  She and her husband went to the Medical Examiner's office yesterday and thankfully they were able to identify via a picture as opposed to actually seeing the body.   He has been dead since 11/19 and had no ID nor did he list any next of kin on his apartment lease. If not for his boss looking for him I am not sure how my cousin would have ever been tracked. Being the weekend, no one that was there was able to tell them anything. The morgue tech said maybe it was a homicide....MAYBE????  What a horrid thought to put in their heads and then have to go home and wait. Tim and I took them some food to their house yesterday and spent a little time with them.  We let them talk and talk which we know was good for them.  

My daughter is flying into Chicago tomorrow and we are picking her up from the airport to spend the afternoon.  She had to come in for work-her company is in Chicago but she works from home--I am looking so forward to seeing her.  Wish she could have brought my granddaughter but I know that wasn't possible.  I am happy to see her.

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SUSAN! I thought that perhaps the holidays were troubling for you and you went quiet, or that you too had the cold that so many of us had and were too pooped to hang out...I am so sorry that your health was the reason, but very happy to know that they are getting to the bottom of it all. A little polyp can cause a big problem. I am sure that your family is surrounding you with love and care and I look forward to the day in the not too far future where you can eat a hamburger again. It is good that you pay close attention to your body Susan, grateful for your being here too, being back home and being here at home with us. Nothing but healing, ya hear?

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Dianne, goodness knows that your cousin will need to let her story out, to talk and talk and God knows what a special cousin you are to her to be able to listen to the grief stories a this time, a time in your lives where anniversaries and pain is prevalent. Your Daughter coming in tomorrow is great timing and I wish you a beautiful time with her. Does your cousin live in my area? Is there anything I can do to assist her?

 

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TearsInHeaven

Thanks, Dee, you are very kind but we have it covered for now.  She lives in Lansing so we are only about 7 miles apart. She is a very stoic person ( as opposed to me... I got all the emotion... the heart on my sleeve stuff). She was going to tell her mother this afternoon so I am kind of anxious about that. Her mother is 99 and in a nursing home and has essentially her faculties intact but is really not well.  I suggested she might not want to tell her as that is her only grandchild.  She said she had to tell her so it is her mom and she knows best.  I am sure my aunt would have picked up on something being wrong. She told me I look so sad last time I saw her.  So she has most of her mind but she is truly going down hill.  Hope that went ok.  Maybe going through the darkness I had from a couple of weeks ago just helped me rebound well enough to help my cousin... just focus on her pain and be there.  We are certainly at an age where we will lose loved ones but who could anticipate that both of our mothers lived (lives) into their 90's and both of us lose our sons.

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You and me both Dianne, all the emotion, tears at the ready all the time...24/7. I am a salt-lick.

Peaceful visit today

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