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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Hang on with both hands and toes if necessary Jean, these firsts are exhausting and emotional, but they also serve to show that we are walking forward, no matter how hard it is to put one foot in front of the other, we are stepping forward...and no better reason than that of your Grandboy's birthday. Happy Birthday sweet little one, Your Daddy is smiling on you, blessing your days and nights as he is all of you, his Momma, his wife and other Children, his friends. May there be a small sign that let's you know that he is nearby.

 

Georgina, I am so glad that you felt that sense of wonderful comradery  at the event. The photos are lovely, and thank you for tying a ribbon for the Angels from our lives. Good for you for going to the big event.

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TearsInHeaven

Lesley, I am so sorry to hear about Tommy's friend.  But, yes without a doubt, Tommy was there to help  him in and they have probably been catching up in that manly way.  

Georgina,  glad to hear you got some comfort from the retreat and a special thanks for remember all of our angels here. 

Dee, glad to see those antibiotics are doing their job. Hopefully, you can get some rest over the weekend. It is a rainy mess and tomorrow is supposed to be cold.  There is a good book and a blanket with your name on it.

Jean, I know how hard it is. It is a step forward.  Don't let the steps back discourage you---you take this as small, baby steps and those grandchildren will always be there to put their little hands in your heart. You are very blessed to live close to them. I have one granddaughter and she will be my only one.  I love her more than life.  Unfortunately, after she was two they moved to Wyoming. So believe me when I say those grandchildren of yours will be the best lifeline ever.  Hold on and know that those of us here will always surround you with a comforting place to be.

Ten more days and I have relived every one from 3 years ago. My dear son, I miss you so....

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We celebrated my son, Aaron's 24 birthday.  He was 14 when Brian died.  We had a good time, but WOW do I miss my Brian.

my husband and I are on the right.  Aaron at the head and Michelle is on the left.

so much news here.  This time of year makes me a bit sad.  Trying to enjoy.

Colleen, Brians Mom forever 

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Colleen it is so good to see you and the family smiling out at the world. I know you miss your Brian and I can scarcely believe it is 10 years for you guys. Aaron is 24! Happy Birthday to him, and Michelle with her pretty smile...you all look great.

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Dianne, the miserable rain has turned to snow as I wass so hoping it would. I love snow. It makes me feel happy. You know I am going to lie down now iwth a book and a blanket. Thanks for your good advice.

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Jean, I agree with the others. It is early days for you. I hope that today you were able to gather strength from the love of being surrounded by your family. I do know that the triggers will kick in for some time yet. Hold on with both hands!

Dianne, the count down to the day is always held with trepidation...I hope that after it is met that you will begin to find some peace again.  I feel much as you do. The 12th of December is fast approaching and it always sends me into a downward spiral. I have to wirk very hard to stay on top of things. I know it is not easy.

Georgina, thanks for sharing your photos. How lovely everything looked at your Gathering. I am so pleased that you felt relaxed and able to share with others walking this most difficult path.

Colleen, how nice to see a picture of your family enjoying a happy event. I realize that in your heart of hearts Brian will always be carried to every occasion and held close. Their absence is always so difficult at family gatherings for the parents. That dull ache of which I spoke previously will always kick in. But isn't it lovely to see how life continues on despite everything and the young ones are having a good time celebrating their special dates. 

We headed into the city yesterday and managed to get some Christmas shopping accomplished. Today they held the Santa Parade in Winnipeg and it turned out to be a really good day for it. We are holding our own and putting one foot in front of the other. I will admit to choking up a few times when I heard certain Christmas songs on the radio. So, off it went in a hurry. Can't be helped. 

Dee, glad that your meds are kicking in and you are seeing an improvement. These new meds can work wonders when you really need them. A relaxing day with a good book sounds like just the ticket.

Becky, how is our friend Maurice doing these day? 

Laurie, Leah, LouAnn, Lesley, Sandy...thinking of all of you and hoping that your weekend will be a decent one.

Kate

p.s. TBear...I love your dog. He looks like a real charmer. Bet he loves the water. He must be a great companion to both you and your wife.

 

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InHeavensKeeping

James’s Birthday next Sunday. Haven’t arranged anything because I don’t think anyone would come. I feel so sad he would of been 34 this year love and miss him so much.. Thank you for all your replies. Colleen your family meal was a lovely idea to mark Brian’s Birthday xx

Diane your so right about the grandchildren being a lifeline  mine were definitely heaven sent.. xx

Dee I love the snow too  we never get any sounds like a lovely afternoon gxx

Jean it’s so raw in these early days keep posting or reading the wonderful people here have got me this far with their love and support  God Bless xx

Leasley thankyou for the words so true xxx

God Bless gxx

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InHeavensKeeping

wanted to share this Hugs to everyone xxx

 

 

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Appreciate all of your post, today was a good day!  Next will be Thanksgiving but I feel like we need to carry on with our family traditions.  We have hosted Thanksgiving in our home for about the last 20 years, most of our immediate family will be with us.  

Thanks again for your kind support!

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Jean, I am so glad for the good day. And I am glad that you will continue to host Thanksgiving, while it will be a bittersweet event, it will be another step forward taking your Son along with you in all you do. Let your tears flow when they need, and know that we surround you.

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I hope that Everyone is well, it is a quiet day on our site, but a lovely day here, I took a long long walk this morning, while the sun shone bright against a blue blue sky, and the golds and russets of the leaves helped create a masterpiece of Autumn. I love the cold of morning walks, it feels healthier to me than hot days. I'm listening to Joni Mitchell, Ladies of the Canyon Album and just letting tears fall where they may.

 

 
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InHeavensKeeping

Dee I love Joni Mitchell hope your feeling better.  I went to the beach today the sky was clear blue the clouds were speaking to me.  It was lovely looking out to sea watching the ships on the horizon the tiny yachts and the wind surfers I felt so sad that James wasn’t by my side we always went to the beach together he loved the seaside.

I thought I’d share this it was read out at the Gathering Hugs to all Georgina xx

 

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georgina I am glad you attended the gathering so nice to be with people who understand the truth of loss. I truly believe that sharing about our spirit children connects us with others and the ones who are further along can send out hope to those still at the beginning. Yellow is my favourite colour because it is the colour of sunshine. I liked the story you shared. It is important that we do wear bright colours to show we are still living life even without our child. Wearing something bright lifts your mood just a little. Fields of gold is a beautiful song that is balm to the soul.

jean such good advice above from our members. The early days are so hard emotions all over the place and you feel like you are losing your mind. celebrating special events will now always be bittersweet because someone special is missing but it is so important to still gather and celebrate for those still here to feel special too.

dee glad you are feeling better. Being unwell drags your soul down with it, twice as hard. Cried when i heard the Joni mitchel song which is good, tears are healing.

dianne I am aware of your countdown and the stress it brings up. It is ok to feel that way it is normal, but it is a day after all. Try to use it as a day of fond remembrances and mark it in the way you feel best.

colleen great photo of the family. as parents we hold the loss more acutely. Our other children grow up and some have their own children and they never forget their sibling but become accustomed to their absence quicker than parents. We are acutely aware of someone missing always.

kate I too am trying to get xmas shopping done early. My next ankle surgery is dec 14th and i will be back in a wheelchair and using a walking frame to hop about so pretty housebound. I also get too overwhelmed with crowds of people makes me anxious. for the most part I can avoid Xmas music because I do not leave the house much because of limited ability with walking but I will have to prep myself for when my kids come down they blast the old songs out to get them in the mood.

Some of you lucky ones have snow! carpets the landscape in a dazzling fresh white and softens every structure beautiful (except if you are driving in it) Here it is cool with temps dropping to about the freezing mark at night. I needed to find something to replace my garden over the winter because it makes me so sad. So now I have started learning about and growing small cacti. i am making a terrarium for each of my daughters for xmas and starting my collection of cacti and succulents. My sister raised her eyebrows and commented I had lost the plot again! Actually my family are happy I am making efforts to keep sane in the winter months so I don't lose my progress. Several of Mikey's friends have contacted me on FB and we have talked about his loss. many of them also knew my Tommy they have always been connected. I am able to accept Mikey's passing more easily because I know how tormented by guilt he was over his drug use and the anxiety he caused his family, and now he is finally ok and at peace. This is the first loss i have experienced since Tommy passed. i know it won't be the last but i have the tools I learned in counselling to take each thought apart examine it and put it away. There is always healing in tears. i have a photo of the two boys together in 2011 i think holding onto each other and roaring with laughter which i put in a frame on my Tommy shelf, makes me smile.

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TearsInHeaven

I believe I have made some progress in learning to manage my grief with even some moments of light in the darkness and trying to adjust to this new normal.  My steps have been small but I believe they are there.  I will miss my son for the rest of my natural life and I will NEVER be able to think of the day I lost him as just another day.

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dianne I am so  so sorry, I think you misinterpreted my words? The day you lost Michael had to be the worst day of your entire life. Being told those words that your child has gone is appalling. I can clearly remember falling to my knees and howling when I was told Tommy had gone. I  absolutely did not mean that it is just another day like any other,of course not, I would never say that, I meant that date is comprised of 24 hours to hold on through because it is such a painful date. It is a day of such sadness and will always be a day that causes tremendous anguish. You like all of us will grieve for the rest of our lives, how could we not? We adored our spirit children, and they will be with us for a lifetime until we are reunited once again. I am so so sorry that i caused offence it was absolutely not meant that way, I was trying to offer some comfort to you. I am horrified to think I inadvertently upset you dianne i would not do that for the world. Your words wisdom and advice have meant a great deal to me over the 15 or so months i have been on this site, and for that I thank you.

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I am not sure about everyone else... but I always find my nerves are frayed as Jeff's Angel date approaches. I find that I am super sensitive and the slightest thing said I can easily misinterpret. Lesley, I understood exactly what you intended. We all know that you would not deliberately offend anyone. I also know that Dianne perhaps quickly read the post and as her angel date is fast approaching she only saw the part about the day. That is the trouble with messages on a computer. As we are not face to face we can not exactly explain our thoughts. I loved hearing about how supportive and close your children are. That is so nice to see in this day and age. Clearly you have done a wonderful job in raising them. Your idea of making a cactus garden is just the ticket. I was wondering what to take to our family doctor's office. His secretary does not have the time to water plants and I wanted to give her something along with some candy. I love that idea. 

I had a wonderful dream last night of Jeff. It has stayed with me all day and has helped to comfort me as the holidays approach. It is a true winter wonderland this afternoon. Dee, you would be in your glory! Large white flakes are softly falling creating a true winter wonderland. It really sets the scene for a magical holiday season. Anyway, I am sending love to ALL and hoping your day is a peaceful one.

Kate

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Kate, I am so excited that you enjoyed a Jeff-dream. HOw nice, they do stay with you after having them, like a wonderful warm golden feeling to wrap yourself in. Peace on the wintry scene, enjoy.

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Hi. Learned early this morning a friend lost her 22 year old son to a car accident last night. Set my day up for a bad one. I talked to her daughter and let her know I'm here. She and my daughter were friends for a few years and did a lot of stuff together at my house. I reached out to the mom but don't expect a reply as it is so new.  My heart is breaking all over again if that is even possible. 

I took a break at work and watched a little bit of the parade of lights. I started crying remembering how my kids loved those. I thought I'm not going to let it stop me from going home for Thanksgiving. I always have plan B. And I'll take it one day at a time for Christmas. 

Started my tree. It's different this year because I do not have room to put up my 7 foot one. I'll try and attach a picture. I'm going to put kionas strand of lights on she always had hanging in her room. Some decorations and a star. 

Peace and love to all

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Tina, I am sorry to hear of your Friend's Child, and yes, it is possible for your heart to break again, all the glue and hard work you built to hold it together falls away when we have to find ourselves facing another loss. Especially of another young person. How very sad. Sending prayers and hope.

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I had to download the picture of the tree. Although when I was looking to see if was in my phone prior, I saw a pic of my daughter and didn't remember when I'd seen it before. I tried finding it again and I can't. Maybe it will pop in later when I'm not looking for it again. 

I've been thinking lately that maybe the reason my daughter didn't want to see me on the weekend when she came home was because she knew I'd know something was wrong and question her until she told me. I know she was hurt around this time last year. She started drinking more. She probably knew I'd know. 

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Tina, I am sorry to hear about your friend's son. How heartbreaking.

Thank you for sharing the pic of your tree. You have quite an artistic flair.  What type of branches do you use? The studio where I went for yoga was above an artist's studio. She made willow furniture. The aroma was wonderful as we went through our routine. It wafted up the stairs. The scent was so fresh and relaxing. Gretchen and you should get together to compare notes.

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I too love the rustic natural design of this tree Tina. I love using what is found in nature to design peaceful installations. Each year, I take leaves from the ground and put them on the copier and make copies for my students to write poetry on and to make cards. Nothing more pretty than the real thing.

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Thank you.  There are trees right beside my apartment, I don't know what kind. I just picked some dead branches and laid them in the yard deciding height and width. It was peaceful but sad at the same time. I don't think I'm very artistic but keep practicing till desired affect. I used fishing line (haha) and tacks to go attached to wall. I found the idea on Pinterest and used what was easiest for me. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to get the lights on without the branches falling off. I'll figure something out. Surprisingly enough, the kitten has left it alone. 

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I wonder if you can gently weave the lights between the branches, or place tacks to wind lights around...

 

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Tina, I agree with Dee. You could also buy a small box of very tiny white lights that do not weigh much. They are primarily used for wrapping around wreaths, etc. Using small tacks and gently draping them through the branches should do the trick.

Dianne, do you have any special plans to honor Michael on his special day? We keep it very low keyed and quietly recognize the day. We usually walk into the bench and take some flowers. This year as it happens we will be working in the afternoon distributing toys for an organization in our area.  Hopefully we will be able to place the flowers at the bench in the morning. 

Jean, I hope that this first holiday without your child will be filled with much love as you come to together with your family. Good for you for taking on the dinner. I will be thinking of you.

Susan, I imagine you are up to your yin yang in preparation if I know you. Have a truly wonderful day with your family.

Lesley, how is the garden coming along? I hope to be able to check it out in the next week or so.

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dianne and I have been in communication after I inadvertently upset her with my post. She has accepted my apology but has decided to step away for a little while to regain her strength and purpose. We all know how that feels. Keep her in your thoughts and I hope she will return when she feels ready. The angel date is the worst date of the year yet there are also other dates that cause us distress and make us stumble especially around the holidays.

tina I like the natural tree it is different, simple yet beautiful. I am sorry for your friend's loss. I am struggling with the loss of Tommy's friend Mikey. I have been very sad and often tearful and lacking in energy since I heard the news. it kind of compound your own personal loss. Just when you think you are doing ok a big bump in the road knocks you off your feet and you fall down again. That is sadly part of the journey lots of falls, but gradually you find your feet again and get up.

jean it is wonderful you will hold your thanksgiving dinner with your family. There will probably be tears but also I hope some remembrances of happy times. This will be the first time i do not hold Thanksgiving dinner since moving back to the UK. my children are all away working and saving some holiday to come down for Xmas. My parents and sister obviously dont celebrate it and dont like some of the American dishes but I will wish you all well and hope you enjoy Thanksgiving as much as you are able to.

my garden is pretty colourless and sleeping which makes me sad. I am concentrating on growing cacti and always have a bunch of flowers in my family room. Just as we need to hibernate away from everything sometimes so my garden needs to enter a rest period before coming back to life in the spring i just need to be patient and let Nature do its thing.

 

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I believe that it was around the third year that the full impact of Jeff's death finally hit hard. The reality that he was gone and not coming back hit full force. Every special occasion was a nightmare as I tried to work my way through feeling his absence. I, too, feel that I need to take a step away as I can honestly say that I am now at peace with my son's death. I have learned that happiness can indeed find its way back into your life...a new but different kind of happiness that has grown since his death. What I have also learned is that there are no short cuts. You have to work at it really hard. At the end of the day when you log off you are left facing this loss on your own to deal with. The newer ones need to step forward and give back as the older ones have so kindly given. Showing that we are moving on in a positive way is not a sign of disrespect... but a healthy sign. Unfortunately as many are at different stages we can be misunderstood and tempers flare up. I don't want to deal with it any longer. I am tired. I have my own family to look after. My Jeff is DEAD and he is not coming back. He will always be with me in my heart. Every occasion he will celebrate with us... and I know he is at peace and I will see him again. Thanksgiving can also represent the wonderful gift that we had been given the joy for even just a short time of a very special child to parent. They were not ours to begin with. God has taken them back to Him. I am grateful to everyone that was there to help me over such a difficult time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I sincerely wish you peace again one day.

Kate

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The sun is shining in Wisconsin.  During the winter, sun is hard to come by.

This morning, my husband said to me "I have more Christmas spirit this year than I have had in a long time."

Even though I feel the pain of Brians death daily, I want to support my Husband and finally smile a few times during the holidays.

i really hope others can find some joy this season.  I do know how hard that is, but moving forward with the memories of our boy is work...hard work.  

Love to all my friends.

Colleen, Brians Mom forever

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kate I am so sad to see you leave but thank you for the years of support you have selflessly given to help others in their time of need. You will be missed. However I am glad to hear you say you have found peace after losing Jeff this is a milestone we all hope one day to reach. It is indeed a healthy sign and you are so right, Jeff is with you always and forever.

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Newer members do need to try and fill your absence so that this forum continues to be a beacon of light in a dark world.

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I hate to see Folks that I deeply care about, leave this site. We are all of us grieving. We are all of us grieving on our own, and in group. We are snowflakes, each of us different, so each of us may take something said out of care, differently. Please don't leave due to this...there is room for all of our interpretations. I care so much about you all. I had to step away many years ago for a while just cause my heart was on overload, but I am always grateful to have come back. I give thanks for each and every person here and for their beautiful children that brought us together.

Somehow,

peace

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Colleen, so glad that your husband is feeling more of the spirit of the season...we heal in ways we never thought possible, and no, it does not mean we are ever done grieving, but we change and find joy again. So good.

Kate, you have been a strong voice and heart here on our old site. I shall miss your lovely and loving ways. Peace and may the road be smooth.

 

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Happy Thanksgiving, my friends,

Yes, the empty chair will be here, letting us know what we no longer have.  But new people have joined our gathering...friends, who walk with us.  They also know our beloved.  

May the good memories our our babies bring a smile to our face.  May the next generations help us move forward while still caring our babies in our hearts.

I love you, Brian.  I am forever your Mother

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May this day of Giving Thanks touch your hearts in ways that allow your heart to hold every great memory you have...

My husband and I took a wonderful walk through the local forest preserve under the sunny skies, with our little people, and nothing could have made this day more lovely. The Kids really observe nature and enjoy touching fallen trees and mosses that grow, mushrooms on the sides of logs, sticks, they loved throwing chunks of ice into the puddles from where the ice formed. Oh the delights of an hour with the Kids outdoors. Delight. I give deep thanks.

For those of us new here and those of us here a long while, respect your spirit, the bitter is part of the sweet...it is okay to let the tears flow. Later today I will post my old poem from my first Holiday time with loss...

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Sorry I haven't posted, been ill again.  I am alright.. not giving up.  I didn't get Sena here for Thanksgiving, but I am still thankful.  She seems to be handling things well.  I still don't know if my daughter will have to serve any time.   I did get to go to court (though I had no say.. just there for support) we got to take the kids out to eat for dinner.  I so loved being with them.  

I understand so much the ups and downs all the parents go through.  I hope today you all find a little bit of peace..  a little bit of happiness and may you all feel your angels all around you.  I have missed the new comers, and angel days.. but my heart is here.

I too understand the leaving.. I have left, but have always felt the need to come back, it just gives so much support at least to just read.

My third home study visit is this coming Tuesday and then they will finally make their minds up about what they will do.  I am trying to be patient, trying to be positive..  all I want is for my grandkids to survive this mess as unharmed as they can.

Bless you all

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Blessings Leah, so good to see you here on Thanksgiving...another reason to give thanks. I will send good energy for the third home visit. I also will send healing hope to you. Are you taking meds or not necessary?

 

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I hope all of you who celebrate Thanksgiving have a busy and family filled day. Yes there will be an empty chair, a special person missing but I hope you can share memories of happier times so there may be some smiles amongst the tears. thinking of you all this holiday.

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Missing From the Table

 

Warm lights pour  outdoors

From the well lit dining room within where they gather-

Around a large table,

Laughter is heard

And everyone is smiling-

I am a voyeur.

And from the wet pavement

I walk with my memories-

Remembering our warm lights and the clatter of silverware-

The faces and the laughter

Around our large family –

 

But now a void,

an empty chair,

She is missing from the table.

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Dee, thank you so much.  I have been fighting this alone.  I haven't felt I was able to go to the dr yet.  I have stated to them that I am not currently doctoring and I really try to be honest, so I hope that if I am not doing better by Tuesday I will go in.  I get my strength built up for the day but by night I hurt and feel so bad..  might be wrong.. but just can't dr until the visits are over.  I keep hoping it goes away but am sure I will need something to kick it.  It shouldn't last this long.

 

All in all though.. I am doing alright.  Holidays are bittersweet.. our angels are missed, but they want us to go on.. and I do that for my whole family..   I have to be the best me I can be.

Hope everybody is well, I do think of you always.  I sure do love to read your writings Dee..  Thank you for being you.

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Georgina----Thank you for your kind sentiment for Lisa's Angel day.  It is

very much appreciated. Glad that the event you attended was such a comforting

and positive meeting of souls that understand. Thanks for putting ribbons on the

tree of remembrance. Also, for all the lovely pics. Yes----as the birthdays and angel days

approach, you are so acutely aware of the time that has passed without your dear son, James.

Thinking about you, and sending prayers.

Jean---Nice that you were able to celebrate your sweet little grandson's 5th birthday.  The

holidays are the large triggers that bring the emotions to the surface.  The emotions are always

there...always...but the holidays can be difficult to get through.  Peace to you.

Colleen---thanks for the nice pics of your family gathered to celebrate Aaron's birthday. Your

dear Brian must have smiled down on his brother and the whole family.

Lesley----Hope you have finished your Christmas shopping before your upcoming ankle surgery.

Praying for a smooth recovery after surgery. thanks for the screen shot of wise words of Mother Teresa.

 

Kate-----Yes---I know just what you mean about frayed nerves when Angel Day is approaching.

So glad that you had that nice dream of Jeff.  The dreams.....when we're lucky enough to have them,

are treasures to hold onto.  Peace and serenity to you,  dear friend.

 

Tina---So sorry to hear of the death of your friend's son.  So tragic.  So kind of you to reach out to

her in this sad time.  When these tragedies occur, it somehow stirs up emotions in us that might have

been just below the surface in our efforts to take a step forward.  Wishing you peace.

 

  

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Made it through Thanksgiving, overall it was a good day, missed Wesley, but was able to enjoy the day.  Appreciate all your post.  

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Hope you all had a peaceful Thanksgiving thank you for all your kind words for Steves angelversary

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besides other things I am thankful for this site which connects me to others seeking healing and offer support and care. I confess I am sad that two long standing members who have left is probably down to my words in a post which I immediately publicly apologised for and was actually a misinterpretation of what I actually meant. I always try to offer kindness and support and am honest but careful of others feelings which can be raw or quickly  offended. i thought about stepping away myself because I had failed people but I hope that I am still considered a good resource of help here, and because it helps me too.

I finally wrote a letter to my friend who lost her son to a drug overdose last week. I have not been able to call her because firstly I did not want to intrude upon her in the shock of grief and also because I could not talk to her without breaking down myself which is not helpful. My son's best friend was very dear to us and like family and I confess my mood has really plummeted since he died, I have definitely taken some steps backwards but I know that I will process it and eventually come out the other side ok. The time difference between the States and UK is difficult we are 5hours ahead and that impacts availability. i hope that we can communicate by letter/email and I can be some comfort to her. having Tommy's longest and best friend pass suddenly has brought up a lot of emotions and I thank you all for being there for me.

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It saddens me that the 2 have left. Everyone including you, Tommy's mom, help me so much. I'm sorry, I'm horrible with names. Unless it is in each post that is made. I know there are still some that are left here, but it's each person's experience and different words that help. I don't think it was anything anyone said. I could be wrong but everyone tells me to not take words too personal especially in typed responses. This is true for every typed communication whether it be here, or texts from others outside this site. And I hope no one takes mine offensively. We all need each other. I don't think it matters how long we have been on this journey, old and new, we still need each other. I could feel this way because I'm new. I just know I need everyone. I may not post daily but I read daily. It helps me. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm rambling. I'm trying not to hurt anyone for the choices they make for themselves. We have to make them. I'm just sorry they are gone. 

Tommy's mom- please don't leave us. I relate to you, and others. Since my kiona left, I have had a friend and 2 others that are family members of a parent that has lost a child. And 1 that lost her boyfriend of years together. Also, a co-worker and her husband passed away well. That is 5 deaths I'm trying to deal with as well as my own daughter in a matter of 8 months. Sometimes grieving their loss helps me grieve mine.  But the people here help. I don't know what else to say except please don't leave. 

I'll stop for now. Love to all

Tina

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Lesley, I am not stepping away due to anything that you said the other day. In fact I was trying to make it understood how we can often misunderstand what a persons actual intent is on the internet. I have been here for a very long time. I am so very grateful for the kindness that was shown to me by many that offered a supportive and caring heart during my early stages. What I am trying to convey is that I am now at a point that I need to move forward with my life using the tools I have at my disposal to make a happier life. Talking about dying is something that is dragging me down. I need to talk about living instead. And then go out and do it! You know, when my husband was about to go into the hospital for major surgery for his cancer we had a call from a religious person. They asked to come over to talk to him the day before his surgery. They wanted to speak to him about the prospect of dying. The very real prospect of not coming out of the surgery . I was the the one that took the call. I was taken aback. Nobody knows my husband better than I after all of these years of marriage. He is a deeply conscientious and compassionate person that has always been there for everyone over the years. Had this person asked to come to just talk and offer support I would have understood. However we were going into this with tremendous fear and trepidation. We chose to focus on living and surviving the surgery. Not dying. He told me that he lives with this prospect every day. I guess we all do when you think of it. However in his handling of his diagnosis he taught me something extremely valuable. Live life to the fullest. Surround yourself by what really counts. Loved ones and enjoying each and every day to its fullest is what it is all about. And then he goes out and does it. Right now I just need to focus on caring for my husband and moving on. I intend to read and perhaps jump on board now and again. I have made some dear friends and I won't desert them. Not ever. So, you see...it was nothing at all to do with you. Please do not anguish over this. Get out there and enjoy the day! I know we will. Good luck with your upcoming surgery! I will be thinking of you.

Love to ALL. Kate:)

 

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"Talking about dying is really dragging me down"

i get that.  I put a lot of energy into trying to find happiness again.

i do understand that some cannot move from the darkness or guilt.  And that each evening seems one day closer to them seeing their babies.

i choose to not live like that and I do understand how that thought can be hard for those trying to find a reason to smile.

i hope the darkness and guilt can someday be replaced with light and a different kind of happiness.  I hope they see the light.

Colleen. Brian's Mom forever

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Great explanation Kate, of how you are feeling and doing these days, and I am so happy that you are in the business of facing LIFE and LIVING your life to the fullest. I am glad to know that you are feeling good and looking forward to each day. I am inspired by your happy thoughts.

 

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Please do not miss understand me. I'm glad they are at the point of moving on. I wish I was. I'm still in the denial stage

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this last week has been awful. Losing Mikey has amplified everything and i feel i have fallen back into a pit of sorrow. Tommy i miss you so much and Mikey I miss you too. Just struggling to keep afloat right now.

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Lesley,  I am thinking of you ..  I hope that you find your footing again.  It is difficult when things bring us back down..  sometimes I feel it is one step forward and two back.   I know it isn't easy and I pray your angel gives you the strength you need to carry on, along with our friendships on this site.

Tina, I think of you too..  knowing that the road your traveling is difficult so many ups and downs.  I believe you will find your place in life again, it just won't be the same as it was.  Nothing remains the same.. it  is a different way..  not the way we chose.. but the way it is.  May you feel your angel about you to guide you on this new road.. and I hope that this site brings you some relief for there is so many  parents that are walking beside you.

Kate, I will miss reading your words, I have appreciated them all throughout our time on this site.  I am glad your at a point you are stronger.. and I hope that you and hubby stay safe and strong.  You will always be in my heart

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