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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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I am watching the Voice as well, love the Voice except for the excessive commercials...Jennifer Hudson just may win this one...I love her first singer of the tonight, he is a super-wonderful-spirited person, love his voice and passion.
Yes, Kate, that little one is quite a force. I know that she loves her gymnastics lessons more than her skating, but together, those lessons are helping teach her how to strengthen her skills and allows her to compare and contrast two lessons in order to make decisions  in the future. I just look forward to going skating with Erica when she is ready to skate at public skate time...few more lessons should do it.

TBEAR, such great photos, and yes, tell us who is in each photo. Congrats on the new Grandchild. I take it that she is the brunette little toddler. Dolly girl. So Cute.I sure hope your wife is getting the treatment she needs. I am thinking of her as she loves on her grandgirl.

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4 hours ago, Jesse David & Taylor Mom said:

Ted, is the last picture of your daughter? 

That would be my grand daughter with the dog and my daughter in the witch's costume 

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4 hours ago, Jeff's Mom said:

Ted, I have always loved the name Olivia. How precious can she be? I love the pictures that you shared. Who is the dog? Your Granddaughter's? I really hope that you are able to spend a lot of time with your kids. I'm sorry that your wife is still struggling so. I know that tomorrow is a special...oh so special day in your heart. We are holding you close.  

Dee, thanks...typical... I knew I had heard it somewhere. I loved hearing about the skating lesson. Sounds as if you may have a future Olympian in your family. So glad to hear you took a day to self care. Hope it made a significant difference.

Off to watch The Voice. Love to ALL,

Kate 

Dog is mine

 

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TearsInHeaven

TBear, hoping that the winds settle today so that you and your family can hear NICK whisper his love for you. Hoping your heart feels gentleness and a calm that only he can give.

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louann my email is no1mslesley@gmail.com  The offer to communicate privately to anyone who does not want to post publicly is open to all.

Tbear  sending peaceful thoughts to your family on this difficult day. I hope you can pass it in ways that are meaningful to you and Nick. Nce pics your grandaughters are adorable and it is nice to see some dads on the forum too. How many kids and grandkids do you have?

So today I lost it a bit in my local garden centre. They were playing xmas music which on the whole I can deal with (not Silent Night though.) but then they played "Walking in the air" from the animated movie "The Snowman" and tears fell. That is my favourite movie of all time. We have played it every xmas eve since my kids were born and I tear up every time when he melts. The little boy in it is ginger so it has always has specific meaning with Tommy and now that he has gone it breaks my heart more. You guys should all check it out it is a beautiful short movie which little kids/grandkids would love. So I was at the register luckily no on else there and I apologised and explained to the cashier. She was lovely her eyes filled and she said "I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you". She told me some of the ways her friend who lost a six yr old son 7yrs ago coped at Xmas which was nice, and hoped that I would be ok and that she would be thinking of me and treasuring her own children more. So some people can be very kind.

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Mermaid Tears

TBear.....thanks for sharing those photos....your 'girls' are gorgeous...and they have that 'happy living look' to them.....today marks an Angel Date for your boy....we so understand that this kind of day can play every emotion like a piano. I find that the most unbalanced way of being on this earth home is one of the trickiest to learn....

we have one foot in yesterday....another foot in today.....one foot in 'that was then'....another foot in 'this is now'.....our thought processes go back and forth...back and forth. We come to that fork in the road...(our life) where it can become a slippery slope....we can either make a choice to be our best....or become bitter.

We have a part of our heart in grief....another part in grateful blessings...I know those girls give you a 1,000 blessings a day. Thank you for coming back on the site to give us an update on your life and progress...am posting a song for you and all the parents....

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Hello everyone,

i haven't been here in a while 

today is Steves angelversary 

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I’m having a tough day. I have to go through Skylar’s medical records for his abnormal ecg’s. It’s so hard. I still cannot believe he’s gone...

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Mermaid Tears

Steve's mom.....we know how this day can produce waves and waves of longing...and portals open up to a kaleidoscope of memories. Let us know how you have been doing...and I wish you peace on this sacred day of remembrance of your Steve.

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STEVEN AND NICK, you both found this date as your leaving time,  and so I hope that together you send extra strength and hope to your families, Two Sons, Two Beautiful Boys whose families yearn after memories and pieces of your lives here. May you always know the love is endless just as we know your love is endless.

 

T-Bear and MaryAnne, we are holding your hands and hearts knowing what it is to travel yet another year here without the physical presence of your Boys. Beloved  as they are, they sit near, perhaps on your shoulder right now, your left shoulder closest to your heart, listening to your beat and thrum, living their lives to your rhythms.

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steve'smom I am sorry today is a hard day for you and that you find something meaningful in yet another year. I know it is still painful and always will be but you have made it this far probably not really knowing how you made it but here you are. I hope you are able to share more with us when the time feels right.

somersky going through skylar's notes will be hard, no doubt, but there may be answers there too. I do believe there is a right time for everything except losing our children and maybe now is the time you are strong enough to deal with more details. each difficult time lasts a little less and we are able to bounce back just a little quicker because we are strong and we are survivors. hang in there.

 

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Somersky, talk to Skylar as you go through the paperwork, ask him for help to get through it, ask him to hold your hand on this hard journey. He is there. I know reading the reports from the hospital was surreal to me, Erica lived 6 days never awake again, and each day, more devastation, less hope. The black and white of it is anything but...it leaves all that in between area, all the what-ifs and the how can this be? But the back and white of it tells us the facts, printed without emotion, without connection: female with nearly severed brain stem...broken jaw, broken neck, laceration above right eye...posturing of hands and feet due to brain damage, and many brain bleeds. All of those words, all of those observations told about what happened to a 19 year old girl/woman...but she was my Daughter. She loved Pink. She laughed loud and strong, she messed up in school, she had big hands, she loved to shop. She loved snowboarding and she dearly loved her brother and her friends. She was so much more than the medical reports. She was not black and white. Our Children will always be more than how they died. They will mostly be how they lived. Your Boy was a happy person. Remember when you are low, how he lived.

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Thank you for all the kind words. All of you are very special. Boy when those days come they come pretty hard ... I guess it’s only been 18 months

 

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Somersky, would it be helpful if you took Skylars medical records to a Doctor that could go over it with you and explain and answer your questions? We waited for what seemed an eternity to get the autopsy report. Our family Doctor called us in to review it with us. I do believe that I could not have handled it at that point if I had to see it full on. Unfortunately at the end he sadly added his own personal opinion. That has stayed with me each and every day for the past almost eight years. He looked at us and told us that there was no medical reason that our son had to die. We were and still are crushed. We can read books about grief, attend meetings, etc. At the end of the day it is about putting one foot in front of the other and finding a way to carry on despite their absence. Finally facing that they are gone is the most painful thing we will have to face. Once that happens we then begin the very difficult job of rebuilding our lives. It is a long and slow process and we will be forever changed because of what has happened. But take heart that slowly the initial raw grief will lift and the searing pain will be replaced by a dull ache. One that somehow you learn to carry. And life continues.

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TearsInHeaven

Somersky, what a difficult task for you. A trying time but you WILL make it through. Skylar will be there beside you.  He will offer the quiet strength you need.Strength2.jpg.e3797c4078b48dafef0bb3f4fe4124e7.jpg

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My girl is in heaven

Sherry. Thinking of you today as you have come to Lisa's angel date again. Many years have passed but im sure u remember like yesterday. I hope she touches your check or brushes your shoulder and lets u know she is still waiti g with her brother to see u again. I know your family isnt always there to remember but i hope u know im standing right there beside you on this day. Take care dear friend.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Sherry, sending gentle thoughts your way on this angel day of your baby girl, Lisa.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Mary Ann, thinking of you today and sending you gentle thoughts for Steve. I am going to share a portion of a dream I had with my son within the last couple weeks. In it, he held a small diary-like book. As I looked closer at the inside cover this is what is said,

"I love you now, I loved you then, and I will love you forever."

Peace.

 

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

I saw this in one of my Facebook groups. It is an Near Death Conference in Texas that is going to have Dr. Jeffrey Long as a speaker. He is a lead researcher on near death experiences and consciousness surviving after this life. Also, John Burke who just authored a new book on NDEs is supposed to speak as well. Here is a link, it is to the Facebook page on this

https://www.facebook.com/events/135600520495495

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Sherry, your sweet little Pink Angel, soft and smiling, loving you for all of time, sits with her Brother and kisses you with Angel kisses...you shall always be their Momma. Wrap your arms around yourself tonight knowing that your Babies are doing this with their angel touch. I am also hugging you sweet Friend,

 

 

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a lovely dream to share Laurie...thank you. Any word from the department of Children?

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Dee, it looks like it is going to be a process yet through the legal system. She has to visit the mom's, check on Benton's school, etc. The woman doing this seems like she is too overloaded which doesn't help. I am hoping maybe 3 more months. But the court system moves at a snail's pace. 

How is your son's back by the way? Also your hubby? I remember they both had some surgery awhile ago now.

 

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Both the men are doing okay Laurie, thanks. Son is doing okay, but when his Son broke his leg, my Son had to do a lot of carrying of Mike, so that was not supposed to be happening at that point in his recovery. I know he still hurts a lot at times, but he will not go into it much. Husband had a heart attack and it is almost 6 mnths now, he is doing pretty well, drastic changes in diet which he sticks to but wishes he didn't have to ever think of these things...he is working out and walking and looks good. '

I know that the Department of Children services in Chicago and the surrounding area also moves slowly, most the caseworkers are on overload, so I can certainly see what you are saying. I pray that she finally gets the information needed to make a good decision to allow Benton in your care.

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Received some very sad news today, my Tommy's best friend overdosed and was on life support in PA and the decision was made to switch off today. I am gutted known him since he was 2yrs old and always in our house. He never got over Tommy's death in fact he spiralled out of control soon after and has had endless rehabs and jail time. Can't believe he is gone he was so full of life but also tortured by the drug lifestyle. Drugs wreck so many lives it is desperately sad. His parents are friends of mine too and I wish i was there to hug them because I know that pain of loss only too well and understand the hard road ahead of them. i will write to them in a week or two letting them know I can listen and understand their pain. Brings up stuff for me too and have spent the day crying but at least I am comforted that Tommy will have come to get his friend and the besties will be together again in the next life. RIP Mikey we will miss you.

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9 minutes ago, Tommy's mum said:

Received some very sad news today, my Tommy's best friend overdosed and was on life support in PA and the decision was made to switch off today. I am gutted known him since he was 2yrs old and always in our house. He never got over Tommy's death in fact he spiralled out of control soon after and has had endless rehabs and jail time. Can't believe he is gone he was so full of life but also tortured by the drug lifestyle. Drugs wreck so many lives it is desperately sad. His parents are friends of mine too and I wish i was there to hug them because I know that pain of loss only too well and understand the hard road ahead of them. i will write to them in a week or two letting them know I can listen and understand their pain. Brings up stuff for me too and have spent the day crying but at least I am comforted that Tommy will have come to get his friend and the besties will be together again in the next life. RIP Mikey we will miss you.

I AM SURE THAT TOMMY WAS ONE OF THE BRIGHTEST LIGHTS FOR MIKEY, REACHING OUT HIS HAND AND HELPING HIM UP, LETTING HIM KNOW THAT HE WILL NEVER BE ALONE. THAT HE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE SURROUNDED BY LOVE, LIGHT, PEACE.

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So true Lesley, we mourn each death differently and all of them, most especially ones that are kids from your friends lives, we are sent back to our days of early grief. It's okay, we will be here while you wander the catacombs of loss. I will post a song that pretty much says just that. We have to go back there sometimes, and in my experience, each time I am sent back to those days, those long hours and mess of days, I learn some new strategy or gain a new memory...we glean what we can from the dust and ash. I am so sorry that you are facing this loss of one so dear. Sandy is also dealing with a similar loss to her own Daughters' and these too, are friends of the family.

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Lesley, I also feel so saddened to hear of your friends loss. I can not begin to imagine how hard it is for you as you had such a strong connection over the years with a strong bond and many memories associated along with your Tommy. Sending prayers for strength to continue along the difficult days ahead as his family tries to come to grips with his loss.

Sandy, as always...thinking of you.

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Mermaid Tears

Sherry...am so sorry I am late....in sending you care and comfort on this Angel Date of your Lisa....we all know how a parent has their own special and sacred way of remembering and honoring...and longing....for their child.

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Mermaid Tears

It is difficult to join in on Thanksgiving thankfulness when it crashes upon me. Grief is my uninvited guest; not just the holidays, but every day. Our core family changed. It sometimes feels like I have been knocked to the ground, and while sprawled there gasping for air, the rest of the world is celebrating this or that. Have they no clue that my child died?

Luckily, I do not feel like that every day. The days I do feel like that are fewer than they were initially. Our lives, as we knew them, no longer exist. As bad as the bad days are, you can still be grateful while grieving.

While we can be grateful, it is a task. Like so many things we did automatically, we must learn what grateful feels like in this “new normal”. While it may be difficult, especially for those early in the grief journey, it is not impossible.

Below are some actions to take that may help you feel grateful:

  1. Spend purposeful time thinking about good memories.
  2. Focus on those who help rather than those who don’t.
  3. Hear a person’s intent rather than their words.
  4. Acknowledge your loved one was in your life (and continues to be so).
  5. Identify lessons learned from your loved one.

I would, just as all, prefer to have my child back, but I know it cannot happen. This season, I am thankful to be Tony’s Mom and thankful for the stories of your loved ones that you have shared with me and with your compassionate friends.

Tony’s mom, Debbie

I am sharing what I read this morning....to all on this site....

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Mermaid Tears

Lesley.....I learned many important lessons while I was on...and still continue on...my grief journey....and that there are 1,000's of shades of grief. You will be a very pivotal part in that family with the care and compassion and wisdom you can bring them. Elisabeth Kubler Ross states that no one dies alone....and our loved ones who have passed ARE there to greet our child. So...I KNOW your boy was there for his friend. Reading her books have given me a layer of comfort.

 

Laurie.....yes....the case workers are so overwhelmed...that is why there is so much 'burn out' in that career. So much rests on their investigation....not only the best interest of the child....but sometimes...the life or death of a child. You and your family have left no stone unturned. Will continue to wrap you and yours in prayer.

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Sherry I am sorry to be late in wishing you well at this hard time for your family. Here our children are remembered always even if the posts are late.

Thanks for the kind wishes concerning the loss of a young man so close to me. he was only 27 years old a funny and joyful person with a talent for guitar and songwriting based on his sometimes very sad life experiences. I hate that I am not in the USA to comfort my friends, his parents, and that i cannot attend his funeral when that happens. We each know that desperate pain and disbelief and the fog that surrounds you totally interrupted only by crashing and differing emotions. I am in touch with his sister and if his parents agree will post funeral details on his FB page so that friends can attend. His parents may well prefer a private funeral with family only and that is ok too whatever is best for them. They may worry about a scene being made or be uncomfortable around people they do not know that their son knew. I took a bit of a risk and posted on his FB page to all his friends reminding them his family may be able to see comments so to keep it clean and keep it respectful. No one wants references to drugs or partying when their son has died. I feel strongly it should just be well wishes and love expressed and i worry because young people post without thought sometimes their every emotion and thought which can hurt other people. I know I am probably overstepping the mark but I do not want someone who I cared deeply about being the source of gossip or speculation. i had to talk to all my kids just to hear their voices it took me back to a bit of a dark place for a while. It is because this was my son's best friend someone I cared and worried about. I feared getting that news  because that lifestyle comes with high risk and yet it was a shock. i guess it kills the hope I always held inside that he would be one of the successes one of the few who do get clean and sober and that is heartbreaking. Because my Tommy was involved in that lifestyle for a while I knew personally what it was like to fear for your child's life, to worry if I could have done anything more and to know the sadness that comes with knowing there is nothing you can do to change their choices or help them. With drugs and suicide also there can be a shame felt in the way your child passes and if there are any of you parents on this site who have felt that shame to tell you I really do understand I will not judge you and I am happy to talk privately via email with anyone who would like to. My email is no1mslesley@gmail.com  We are all walking the road of sorrow and shattered lives albeit with some differences but we are still all parents who have lost a child. I thank the universe for directing me to this site and for the help and care I have received here. You are all wonderful people. Thank you.

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Hello  to  all  my  INDIGO friends...

Dianne,  Kate,  Laurie,  Susan.....Thanks to all who extended sentiments for Lisa's

Angel Day.   We visited her grave, and laid a rose of pale yellow with pink tinged edges.

We've been doing this for many years since she left this world.  I so, appreciate all 

your posts and lovely screen shots and graphics.  Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

 

MaryAnn------Sorry I missed your dear Steve's Angel Day. I hope that your sweet memories

of him a balm to your heart & soul.   Peace to you, friend.

Laurie------Your baby Taylor,  and  my baby  Lisa, and all the other little angels are together ,

smiling and happy........... until we meet them again.

 

Lesley-----Sorry to learn of Tommy's friend's passing due to overdose.  They now stand

shoulder to shoulder in heaven.  Love the screen shot of  "We are recycled Stardust"......Lovely .

 

Susan-----Thanks for your dear words, and for the screen shots......especially the one

with the horse, rescuing the scared little dog. 

 

Dee------Loved the song you shared.  I had never heard  it before.  Good to hear that your son,

husband and grandson are all coming along with recuperating.  Yes,.....it is never easy to do

the drastic diet/exercise regimen that Drs. advise after illness , injury, or surgery.  It would be

difficult for almost anyone to adjust , but for those who stick to it.......they deserve a lot of credit.

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT  TO  ALL   INDIGOS,   AS   THE  HOLIDAYS  APPROACH.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry  

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Thank you Lesley, for your wishes........( I think we posted at the same time).  Yes, addiction

is taking so many of the world's talented people....especially those who are young...like Tommy's

friend,  who have so much to offer the world, and so much time ahead of them.  Sending prayers 

for his family & friends in their time of heartbreak and sorrow.

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Sherry, I am so glad that you continued with your tradition of laying a rose for your Sweet Little Angel Lisa. She must be smiling on you and your Husband...knowing the goodness of your hearts, knowing that you carry her Everywhere  you go.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Lesley, Sending gentle thoughts for your friends, and the death of Tommy's friend. Take care of yourself too, as these kind of events can send one into a spiral. 

Sherry, I think the yellow roses were fitting...thank you for mentioning Taylor...I am sure they grow up in heaven and they will meet us to help guide us as we too make our transition.

Dee, your son might try taking Curamin and also Bromalein, (spelling might be off) I took both for  my back, and it aids in the healing process. Back surgery takes a long time to heal from.

 

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Thanks Laurie, I will look those up and see if he is interested. I appreciate the thoughts.

Oh I finally figured out that that old cold I had/have, was going into a secondary infection, my upper teeth hurt and my eye, and my head all on the left side, realized I had a sinus infection, but no fever or anything. I went to my doctor yesterday and she looked and poked and said, antibiotics, which she does not give often and I don't take often, but I tell you what...two doses in, the infection was disrupted and I began to feel some change, by tonight, while tired and ready for bed, I can feel less pressure in my eye and head...so I am on the mend. This was a tricky one, usually an infection has some other symptoms.

Sherry, yes, that song I posted is from a band from Chicago, love their work. And that song...well it just speaks volumes for me.

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InHeavensKeeping
On 31/10/2017 at 11:27 PM, ericasmom said:

 

Georgina, I am thrilled ot see you today, it means you are much better, this is good news. We have missed you. Do as the doctors wish now in order to get better. I am glad that you are going to the CF gathering again this year...it is the place where you can be just YOU! and never apologize for it, there and here with us.

Thanks Dee means a lot to me.  

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi I thought I had sent the reply above but all my post is missing. So upsetting because it takes a lot to reply to everyone I put a little of my heart into it sorry again as usual. 

The Gathering was wonderful a comfort in being around those that understand.  A place to talk or just listen where we found we have friends now. From the moment we arrived we were welcomed with open arms.  

We went on a ‘short walk to remember ending up at this beautiful willow tree on the grounds...where we all tied a ribbon onto the tree in remembrance of our children.  I tied a ribbon for all our angels in this special group.  

I learned that I am not alone and that there is always someone ready to listen and support.  TFC thank you for all you do for us .. They reach out to us with love, understanding and hope and we do the same.  We share our pain and anger as well as our peace and love..

They played this during the candle lighting beautiful words...

God Bless love and peace to you all xx

 

 

 

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Dear Sherry so sorry I missed Lisa’s angel day. 

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Dee sorry to hear your unwell take care of you Dee you do so much xxx

Diane I hope your ok thinking of you gxx

Lesley so sorry to hear about your friends son so hard for you too. Take care pls gxx

Just wanted to to send my love to you all God Bless Georgina xx

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Today we will celebrate my grandson's 5th birthday,  mixed emotions,  first social in my son's home since Sept.04.  It amazes me how the little things seem so big after you lose someone so close, things like the girls pulled 2 teeth each or how cute by looked in their Halloween costumes.  I keep reminding myself that we are blessed to live close enough to be involved in our  grands life.

This was Wesley' favorite time of the year, fall, hunting season, deer camp, he loved nature.

It is true about emotional triggers.

 

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